Kia Pegg & Amy-Leigh Hickman Hacker Time


Kia Pegg & Amy-Leigh Hickman

Fun, chat and music from Hacker T Dog, featuring actors Kia Pegg and Amy-Leigh Hickman.


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Transcript


LineFromTo

Hacker Time contains no essential nutrients.

0:00:020:00:04

Please don't try and eat it.

0:00:040:00:06

Have you lot noticed something different about Lolly this morning?

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Yes. It's that she's trying to tell us something.

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But what?

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Ahem.

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I have absolutely no idea.

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-Oh, wait, I get it.

-Ho-ho!

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She's trying to tell us it's national "wear a party hat" day.

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-Oh...

-Oh, I've just realised.

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-Today is a very special day.

-Ho-ho-ho!

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It's recycling day.

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Anyone got any plastics?

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Oh...

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Hang on, today IS a very special day...

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Ha-ha-ha-ha!

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..because I've just got my latest online delivery, look. La-la!

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It's a book on how to forget someone's birthday.

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Oh...

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Wait, Lolly, wait.

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-I've just remembered it's your bir...

-Oh.

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-It's your bir...

-Oh.

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It's your bird's birthday. BIRD TWEETS

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We bought it for you exactly one year ago, on your birthday.

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Do you remember?

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Oh! Oh, what a bunch of mooeys.

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# You gonna watch this?

0:01:110:01:15

# You gotta watch this!

0:01:150:01:18

# You gotta watch this!

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-HE RAPS:

-# My, my, my, my programme hits you so hard

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# Makes me say, "Oh, my word!"

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# Thank you for watching me

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# It's telly, but not what you normally see

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# It feels good, there's outtakes too

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# Comedy, guests and clips, it's true

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# So sit back - don't move too much

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# This is the show - ah! - you can't touch. #

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-Stop!

-Hacker Time.

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Thank you.

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Stand by, everyone.

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We're on air in five...

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four...

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-three...

-Ahem.

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..two...

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-one...

-Meow!

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Cue Larry.

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Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your host

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for a harrowing half hour,

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it's Hacker T Dog.

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You all right, cockers?

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Today is a very special day.

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He's remembered.

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Yes, it's the day of our annual joke inspection.

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Oh...

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Oh, hello, Inspector. I hope everything is in order.

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I'm afraid it isn't.

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That latest birthday misunderstanding means you've reached

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your legal joke limit.

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You don't mean...

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Yes, from now on, all comedy on this show is banned.

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-HE SQUEALS

-Oh,

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not today, of all days.

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Lolly's pet bird will be devastated.

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In that case, we had better get a pair of serious actors on as guests.

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Well, I hope you're not going to force them here in a comedy fashion.

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Ah, about that...

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MUZAK PLAYS

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Hi, we're actors. We're here to film The Dumping Ground.

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Oh, yes, get in the booth, please.

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Yeah, we need some more photographs for your ID passes.

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-Oh...

-Yeah, get in the booth, come on.

-Are you sure?

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-Hurry up or Jacqueline Wilson will hear about this.

-OK.

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-Curtains and doors.

-BELL CHIMES

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Yeah...

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-BUTTON BUZZES

-Down. Hee-hee-hee!

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-Ah!

-Ah!

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-What is going on?

-I don't know.

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# Ba-da-da-dee, da-da... #

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-Ah!

-Ah!

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Ladies and gentlemen, it's Amy-Leigh Hickman and Kia Pegg.

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Welcome to Hacker Time.

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Oh, no. We're not doing that.

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The jokes aren't even funny.

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Well, we're not allowed to do jokes, so the joke's on you.

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Oh, well, it better hadn't been.

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-So, will you stay?

-Oh, go on, then.

-All right.

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Hurrah. In that case, let's find out who you pair of dullards are,

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in the fact file.

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I hope it's a very serious fact file.

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Ah, about that...

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Amy-Leigh Hickman and Kia Pegg

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play Carmen and Jody in The Dumping Ground.

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Their characters don't get on because they're polar opposites.

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Jody likes folding her arms whilst wearing a jacket,

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whereas Carmen likes folding her arms whilst not wearing a jacket.

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The girls live with care-worker Mike Milligan,

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who sold their house for a large painting. Silly man.

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Jody's biggest achievement was learning to

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ride an invisible horsey. Giddy-up, Misty!

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While Carmen's was finally learning to fold her arms whilst

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wearing a jacket. Ha!

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And that's all you need to know about Amy-Leigh Hickman

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and Kia Pegg.

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# Pegg, Pegg, Pegg. #

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Your life stories bored me senseless but you'll have to do.

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Shall we get on with the show?

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-Yeah.

-I guess.

-Yeah, why not.

-Belting.

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In that case, Larry, tell them what lolz we've got in store.

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Well, this had better be a very informative coming-up menu.

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Ah... About that...

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Today's Hacker Time contains no comedy at all.

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No change there, then.

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Coming up, the bumping sound...

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CLANG Ooh! Ow.

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..a trumping hound...

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HE FARTS

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..and some guests from -

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yes, you've got it - Tracy Beaker Returns.

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-Ha-ha!

-Ha-ha!

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What a great show we've got, eh?

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Much better than that Dumping Ground rubbish.

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Have you ever watched that muck?

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-Erm, no, I don't think we've ever seen it, no.

-Now and then.

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-I think it's new.

-Yeah.

-Maybe.

-Ha-ha!

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Now, Amy and Kia, it's time for your big interview.

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Are you ready?

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-Just about, maybe. Go on, then.

-Belting, here we go.

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Question one - you both appear on The Dumping Ground.

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That sounds a bit like the trumping ground, doesn't it?

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No, no, no. Stop that.

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Yes, everyone knows trump jokes are the worst jokes of all.

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I will not permit them in this interview.

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Don't worry, Inspector.

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I haven't got any more planned. It...oh...

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Erm...

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-Oh...

-Hmm...

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-I'm watching you.

-OK.

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-Watch all you like, cocker. I need the viewers.

-Ha-ha!

-Ha-ha!

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Let's talk about your characters on the show.

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Carmen Howle...

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Mmm... Oh, you want me to talk about her?

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-No, no, no. Carmen, howl! Let me hear you howl.

-Ha-ha-ha!

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-Are you serious?

-Yes, I am, yeah.

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-I'm always serious, cocker.

-I'm not from Wolfblood, though.

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Well, I'll do one, and you can copy me. Ahem.

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Aroo-oo-rr-oo-oo!

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A-woooo!

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-Oh, that was quite good, wasn't it?

-It was good.

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-Much better than old Bobby Lockwood.

-Heh-heh.

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Now, are you anything like the characters in the show?

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Our characters are pretty different.

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Oh, I suppose you could say, Carmen and Jody are like chalk and cheese.

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Actually, we're chalk and cheese,

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and we've learned to overcome our differences.

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Yes, we're off to Benidorm together next week.

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I thought you said we were going to Lanzarote.

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Ha-ha-ha!

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Now, Kia, are you related to our handyman and caterer Wilf Breadbin?

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-I don't think so.

-I mean, I'm only asking because you sound like

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you're from the same neck of the woods to me.

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Where do you want this wall bracket put in, then, eh?

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Wow, Kia, you said that without moving your lips.

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-It wasn't me. It was Wilf.

-Be quiet, Wilf, will you?

-Oh.

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-Kia was going to tell me something about a wall bracket.

-Oh...

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-Now, off you pop, Wilfred.

-Ah...

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In this show, you live in a house

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with a load of people you can't stand.

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-What's that like?

-Ha-ha!

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-Well, we get on in real life. It's just...

-Do we?

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-Yeah.

-Do we, though?

-Yeah, we all get on.

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-Yeah.

-We'll tell him we do, Kia.

-OK. We all get along.

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Well, I live in a house with a load of people I can't stand.

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There's the pink one who doesn't really do much this series,

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then there's the orange one with the really annoying voice.

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Oh! How dare he!

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Or there's the green one with the silly catchphrase.

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-Hoo-hoo!

-Ha-ha-ha!

-See, that was it then.

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And the blue one, whose birthday we pretend to forget every year.

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-I knew it.

-Heh-heh-heh.

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And worst of all, there's the disgusting little furry one

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they call Hacker.

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I despise him the most.

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Aren't you Hacker? TYRES SCREECH

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# Oh, yeah

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-# Oh, yeah. #

-ALARM BUZZES

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Excuse me, that high-pitched "oh, yeah" counts as a joke.

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You're on your final warning.

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-Ha-ha-ha!

-In that case, let's watch some highbrow acting.

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Do you remember the time that I was in The Dumping Ground?

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No, cos you weren't.

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Well, I beg to differ, madam.

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Take a look at this.

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Hold it right up for me, please.

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Is there OK? Yeah?

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-OK. Ready.

-Three,

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two,

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one...

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# La-la-la, da-da, ba-da! #

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Time for a lovely, relaxing bath.

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Soothe me them aching deltoids.

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# Boom-ba-doom-ba-da-dee... #

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Smile!

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CEILING SQUELCHES

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Ha-ha!

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Oh, no. Look, oh, no.

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-I think my bath's overflowing.

-Ha-ha-ha-ha!

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Ho-ho-ho, look,

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Mike looks scared, doesn't he?

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-Ha-ha!

-Ha-ha!

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Oh, it's about time Carmen had a wash, anyway, isn't it?

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What do you think of that, cockers?

0:08:470:08:49

-I don't think I've ever seen that before.

-Good, wasn't it?

0:08:490:08:53

Now, you both first appeared on Tracy Beaker Returns, didn't you?

0:08:530:08:56

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-There's one character I miss

0:08:560:08:59

-from those Tracy Beaker days...

-HACKER SNIFFS

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..Mike Milligan's hair.

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-What happened to it?

-Oh, my...

-Ha-ha-ha!

0:09:030:09:06

See, we always take the mick out of him, and look, this is why.

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-Look at it.

-Look at him in that photo.

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He's a silver-haired beast.

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He was in Cats. Don't take the mick out of him.

0:09:130:09:15

-Looks like he's got a cat on his head, there.

-Ha-ha-ha!

0:09:150:09:17

-IN GEORDIE ACCENT:

-Actually, my career's really taken off.

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You know, since leaving, I've two Casualties,

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-and a Waterloo Road.

-BA DUM TSH

0:09:230:09:25

ALARM BUZZES OK, that's enough.

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I don't want to see any more talking objects on this show.

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Next, you'll be doing a joke about Kia Pegg.

0:09:310:09:34

-Erm...

-HE WHISTLES

0:09:340:09:37

Right, that's one bad joke too far.

0:09:370:09:41

Actually, I'm Juan Bad-Joke, and I have come too far.

0:09:410:09:44

-I should be in Alicante.

-TYRES SCREECH

0:09:440:09:46

ALARM BUZZES That does it. Shut it down.

0:09:460:09:49

Shut it down!

0:09:490:09:50

Oh, how is it come to this?

0:09:500:09:52

I blame the disgusting little furry one.

0:09:520:09:55

Larry, cut to something low on comedy, will you? Oh...

0:09:550:09:59

Get your magnifying glasses at the ready.

0:09:590:10:02

It's time for the Miss Marbles Mysteries.

0:10:020:10:05

Hello. Whoever that is.

0:10:090:10:11

Wohoo!

0:10:160:10:17

HE WHISTLES CHEERILY

0:10:170:10:19

How do?

0:10:210:10:23

Oh, are you all right? Yeah?

0:10:230:10:25

-Agh!

-CRASH!

0:10:250:10:26

Agh! Oh...

0:10:420:10:44

Oh, good morning, Constable Heighway.

0:10:460:10:49

Anything exciting happening today?

0:10:490:10:51

-No.

-< H-e-e-e-elp!

0:10:530:10:56

Someone's dyed...

0:10:560:10:58

..my hair green.

0:11:030:11:06

-Well, this is hardly a crimewave.

-Oh, isn't it?

0:11:060:11:10

CREEPY MUSIC

0:11:100:11:13

It IS a crimewave! This looks like a case for Miss Marbles!

0:11:170:11:23

-I'll go and get her.

-ALL: You are her!

-Oh, yeah!

0:11:230:11:28

-So, you found any clues yet?

-No, but this crimewave is getting worse.

0:11:340:11:40

Someone's even dyed the ground green.

0:11:400:11:43

That's grass, you fool.

0:11:430:11:46

I'm not all there, am I?

0:11:460:11:48

CACKLING SNORE

0:11:480:11:50

Ahem... Oh.

0:11:500:11:52

If my calculations are correct, we'll find the mystery dyer 'ere.

0:11:530:11:57

-I beg your pardon?

-I said, we'll find the mystery dyer in here.

0:11:570:12:01

-Oh, I see.

-Yeah.

0:12:010:12:04

MISS MARBLES GASPS

0:12:080:12:10

-You found anyone?

-No, just some diarrhoea.

0:12:100:12:15

FLIES BUZZ

0:12:150:12:16

Now that I've gathered you all in my drawing room,

0:12:200:12:23

I can finally reveal who the culprit is.

0:12:230:12:26

Could it be the vicar, with the stained green hands?

0:12:270:12:30

Oi! That's my natural skin tone! Hoo-hoo!

0:12:300:12:34

Come on.

0:12:340:12:35

Could it be the teashop owner, whose favourite colour is green?

0:12:350:12:39

Oh, you'll never prove it.

0:12:390:12:41

Or could it be the policeman with a secret diploma

0:12:430:12:47

in creative hairdressing?

0:12:470:12:49

I majored in blow drying. Not colour theory.

0:12:490:12:52

Well, let me tell you.

0:12:540:12:56

It was none of these people.

0:12:560:12:58

THEY GASP

0:12:580:12:59

The real culprit is...

0:12:590:13:01

..me!

0:13:050:13:07

But why?

0:13:070:13:08

Well, I wanted to get you all round my house

0:13:080:13:10

so I could show off my new tea cosy, didn't I? Do you like it?

0:13:100:13:13

-Oh, that is lovely.

-It's really nice.

0:13:130:13:15

H-e-e-e-elp!

0:13:150:13:17

Somebody's died!

0:13:170:13:19

Yeah, yeah, yeah, your hair green. We know.

0:13:190:13:22

No, somebody's actually died. Look.

0:13:220:13:25

THEY GASP IN HORROR

0:13:260:13:27

But then it is old Mr Benardsworth,

0:13:270:13:30

and he's been dead for 147 years.

0:13:300:13:32

So, all's well that ends well.

0:13:320:13:35

THEY LAUGH CHEERILY

0:13:350:13:38

LAUGHTER BECOMES LOUDER AND CREEPIER

0:13:380:13:42

Oh, what a load of old tat. Shall we watch a YouBend video on my tablet?

0:13:440:13:51

-I can't get it working!

-Oh, Derek, not that kind of tablet!

0:13:510:13:55

Oh! Wh-h-at am I like?

0:13:550:13:57

SHE SIGHS

0:13:570:13:59

Talking of fails, I saw an hilarious technology fail on YouBend.

0:13:590:14:03

Stick it on. I love it when people fail at technology.

0:14:030:14:07

Just put it on.

0:14:090:14:11

Just to make sure this thing is off. Perfect. Great. That's off now.

0:14:110:14:16

I wouldn't want to be recording this by mistake

0:14:160:14:18

and it end up on the internet. Ha-ha-ha! Oh...

0:14:180:14:21

MUSIC: Somebody To You by The Vamps

0:14:210:14:23

# ..is somebody to you

0:14:230:14:26

# All I wanna be Yeah, all I ever wanna be... #

0:14:260:14:29

-Epic fail!

-Ha-ha! How embarrassing for him.

0:14:290:14:34

-How can someone be so silly?

-Here, listen, imagine

0:14:340:14:38

if all the daft things we do in here were recorded. Just imagine!

0:14:380:14:41

Things like this will be televised to the nation.

0:14:410:14:44

HE TRUMPS

0:14:440:14:46

He-he! He-he! Hoo-hoo-hoo!

0:14:460:14:48

Erm, Derek...

0:14:480:14:50

look behind you.

0:14:500:14:52

Oh. Ho ho?

0:14:550:14:58

Amy and Kia, you're both on a critically acclaimed CBBC show.

0:14:580:15:04

-What does that feel like?

-It's great.

-It is good.

0:15:040:15:08

-But it's not as good as this, is it?

-I beg to differ, cocker.

0:15:080:15:12

This is muck.

0:15:120:15:14

I wish I could be on something much better than this old tat.

0:15:140:15:16

Music, please.

0:15:160:15:18

# I have been here for nearly five years

0:15:200:15:22

# These tedious guests always bore me to tears

0:15:220:15:25

# This show is the greatest sum of my fears

0:15:250:15:28

# I must leave Hacker Time

0:15:280:15:31

# I could star in the Dumping Ground

0:15:310:15:34

# Experience angst as a teen

0:15:340:15:36

# Have rows with my mum and my dad

0:15:360:15:39

# On Millie Inbetween

0:15:390:15:42

# I'd sift through lots of samples of poo in Operation Ouch!

0:15:420:15:46

# Tell stories about skateboarding foals

0:15:480:15:50

# Whilst sat on the Newsround couch

0:15:500:15:53

# I could extract rabbits from hats and help my supply teacher's magic

0:15:530:15:58

# Be the new Barney, I would

0:15:590:16:01

# And have a dress sense that's tragic

0:16:010:16:05

# But there is just one show on which I'd like to star

0:16:050:16:09

# It's truly the best

0:16:090:16:11

# Has all the top guests

0:16:110:16:13

# Production values that leave me impressed

0:16:130:16:16

# The programme's Hacker Time! #

0:16:160:16:22

So, there you have it, Hacker Time is the best thing on TV.

0:16:220:16:25

And everything else is rubbish. Just as I was saying before.

0:16:250:16:29

-But you wasn't saying that before.

-I know. I'm fickle.

0:16:290:16:33

It's one of my character traits.

0:16:330:16:34

-Larry, tell us what other muck's coming up.

-Certainly, Hacker.

0:16:340:16:38

This show is a dumping ground for terrible entertainment.

0:16:380:16:43

Still to come, the Trumping Ground.

0:16:430:16:46

Like the Dumping Ground, but with him.

0:16:460:16:48

Who needs singing lessons at Phlegmsbury High?

0:16:480:16:51

And don't miss the big quiz finale, that's the big fancy bit at the end.

0:16:510:16:56

And that's why I'll never trust

0:16:560:16:58

that Richard Wisker with my laundry again.

0:16:580:17:00

It was a right mess. Oh, we're back, right.

0:17:000:17:03

There's something I've always wanted to know about the Dumping Ground.

0:17:030:17:06

Something that could change the way people watch it forever.

0:17:060:17:09

-What I want to know is...

-BELL RINGS

0:17:090:17:12

Oh, lunch. But not for you.

0:17:120:17:14

You're not important enough. Goodbye!

0:17:140:17:16

Oh, I hope it's not plastic knives and forks again.

0:17:180:17:22

-What now?

-What are we supposed to do?

-I'm hungry!

0:17:220:17:25

-Oh, Wilf, everyone thinks our food's really old-fashioned.

-Don't worry.

0:17:310:17:36

I've decided to modernise. We're no longer using plates.

0:17:360:17:40

All the trendy restaurants are doing it.

0:17:400:17:42

Oh, you mean, like, serving a burger on a chopping board,

0:17:420:17:46

-and soup in a jam jar?

-Well, yes, or the other way round, obviously.

0:17:460:17:51

Oh, Wilf.

0:17:520:17:53

Here comes a customer!

0:17:530:17:55

Oh, hello. I'd like the salmon, please.

0:17:560:18:00

Certainly. Would you like it on an old roof slate?

0:18:000:18:02

Oh, that sounds very trendy.

0:18:020:18:04

-Trouble is, the slate's still attached to the roof.

-Eh!

0:18:040:18:08

Ow! Doh.

0:18:080:18:11

-Well, in that case, I'll have the lamb casserole.

-Oh, good choice.

0:18:110:18:15

-It comes in an old man's hat.

-Oh, wow, that's even trendier.

0:18:150:18:19

However, the old man's still in it.

0:18:190:18:22

The gravy's burning my skull.

0:18:220:18:25

Oh, dear. Well, maybe I'll just have an egg.

0:18:260:18:29

I believe it comes served on a house brick.

0:18:290:18:32

Actually, it's under a house brick.

0:18:320:18:37

We didn't think that one through.

0:18:370:18:39

Well, to be honest,

0:18:390:18:41

I'd really like that meal in that strange red container over there.

0:18:410:18:45

-That's our bin.

-I know.

0:18:450:18:47

And it looks far more appetising than any of that rancid food

0:18:470:18:51

you actually sell. Goodbye!

0:18:510:18:53

I'll fire up the van.

0:18:550:18:57

And now Hacker Time proudly presents the Trumping Ground!

0:19:000:19:05

LOUD TRUMP

0:19:050:19:06

No-trump jokes!

0:19:060:19:08

Who is responsible for this?!

0:19:080:19:10

LOUD TRUMP

0:19:100:19:12

-Did you just trump?

-No, that was you.

0:19:120:19:15

-It was you.

-Are you serious? It was you!

-I heard you!

-It was you!

0:19:150:19:18

Hold on a minute, what's going on here?

0:19:180:19:20

-Who are you?

-I'm your care worker.

0:19:200:19:23

Mike Milligan, MBE.

0:19:230:19:24

Don't you recognise my shiny old bonce? And my MBE?

0:19:240:19:28

-You look nothing like Mike.

-Right, listen here, love.

0:19:280:19:31

This is all I could afford on the costume budget,

0:19:310:19:34

so just go along with it, will you, please?

0:19:340:19:36

Now, what's the problem going on around here?

0:19:360:19:39

-She trumped.

-No, no, no. She did.

-Quiet a bit.

0:19:390:19:42

As a trained professional,

0:19:420:19:44

I'm going to use a five-step plan to solve this dispute.

0:19:440:19:47

-Step one, we all need to calm down and talk like adults.

-OK.

0:19:470:19:53

This is me, talking like an adult.

0:19:530:19:56

What do you think, cocker?

0:19:560:19:58

-It's not helping.

-OK, step two. Let's get things off our chest.

0:19:580:20:02

Like these baked beans off this antique chest.

0:20:020:20:06

I mean, why has the catering van stopped using plates?

0:20:060:20:09

So, what is step three?

0:20:090:20:11

Step three is where I assess your personalities

0:20:110:20:13

via the medium of the inkblot test.

0:20:130:20:17

What do you see when you stare at this?

0:20:170:20:19

-A butterfly.

-No!

0:20:190:20:22

It's an inkblot.

0:20:220:20:23

Oh...!

0:20:230:20:25

Carmen, what do you see when you stare at this?

0:20:250:20:27

-An inkblot.

-No!

0:20:270:20:28

It's actually a paint blot, made by a butterfly.

0:20:280:20:32

Who was trying to draw an inkblot.

0:20:320:20:35

These are looking suspiciously like jokes.

0:20:350:20:39

Get it back on track, please.

0:20:390:20:41

OK. Step four.

0:20:410:20:43

Let's hear what you don't like about each other.

0:20:430:20:46

Jody...

0:20:460:20:48

what don't you like about Carmen?

0:20:480:20:50

All she ever wears is pink.

0:20:500:20:52

I hate that colour!

0:20:520:20:54

If I see the colour pink one more time,

0:20:540:20:56

I'm going to scream the place down.

0:20:560:20:58

Oh, sorry, did somebody say summat?

0:20:580:21:01

Aargh!

0:21:010:21:02

Ooh, calm down, cocker.

0:21:020:21:04

Right. Carmen - what don't you like about Jody?

0:21:040:21:09

All she ever talks about is football. I hate that sport.

0:21:090:21:12

I swear, if I hear one more thing about football

0:21:120:21:14

-I

-will screen the place down.

-Anyone for snooker?

0:21:140:21:16

Oh...

0:21:160:21:17

-I got that one wrong, didn't I?

-I'm starting to get really angry now.

0:21:170:21:20

How do you think I feel? I haven't looked in the mirror in minutes.

0:21:200:21:24

Ha-ha. It's just like you, that.

0:21:240:21:26

Well - that brings us to step five.

0:21:260:21:29

If you feel emotional, just let it go.

0:21:290:21:32

FARRRRRT!

0:21:320:21:34

Wait. You were the trumper all along?

0:21:340:21:37

No, I wasn't!

0:21:370:21:39

But if it wasn't you, then who was it?

0:21:390:21:41

Actually...it was me.

0:21:410:21:44

SHOWBIZZY FANFARE

0:21:440:21:46

Hold on a minute. I thought you'd banned jokes from this show.

0:21:470:21:51

Ah... That wasn't a joke.

0:21:510:21:53

HE FARTS

0:21:530:21:54

JOKE INSPECTOR: Oh...

0:21:540:21:56

Oh, my. If you thought that was bad, wait till you see this.

0:21:560:22:00

It's the Quarter Past 4 O'Clock Club.

0:22:000:22:03

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

0:22:030:22:05

Do you know the best thing about the start of a new term?

0:22:050:22:08

Brand-new stationery!

0:22:080:22:10

Oh, you're telling me.

0:22:100:22:12

I just love a ballpoint pen.

0:22:120:22:14

Well, check MY kit out.

0:22:140:22:16

# Got my ruler!

0:22:160:22:19

# Got my pen!

0:22:190:22:21

# In Office Supplies Weekly it got 6 out of 10

0:22:210:22:24

# Check my rubber and my hole punch

0:22:250:22:29

# If I get hungry I can eat it for lunch

0:22:290:22:32

# I have this pencil

0:22:330:22:35

# And this notepad

0:22:350:22:38

# Made in China They drive the whole school mad

0:22:380:22:42

# Novelty sharpener Works without hassle

0:22:420:22:45

-BOTH:

-# We got it from a school trip to a medieval castle!

0:22:450:22:50

# Stationery!

0:22:500:22:52

# Ring binder reinforcers

0:22:520:22:54

# Stationery

0:22:540:22:56

# Lever arch file!

0:22:560:22:58

# Stationery

0:22:580:23:00

# Eraser fluid

0:23:000:23:03

-They come in 20ml bottles.

-Oh, yeah. So you can mess up your writing.

0:23:030:23:06

# Essential tools that you need for school! #

0:23:060:23:11

YEAHHH!

0:23:120:23:13

-Are you all right?

-Yeah. I am now.

-All right.

0:23:130:23:16

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

0:23:170:23:19

Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the greatest quiz of them all,

0:23:190:23:23

the part of the show we like to call...

0:23:230:23:25

Sit On The Lav-Lav And Answer Some Questions.

0:23:250:23:29

DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS

0:23:290:23:32

FLUSHING

0:23:320:23:35

Amy-Leigh and Kia, the rules of this game are simple.

0:23:350:23:38

All you have to do is...

0:23:380:23:40

DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS

0:23:400:23:43

FLUSHING

0:23:430:23:45

..sit on a bog and answer some questions.

0:23:450:23:47

How does it feel being sat upon my throne?

0:23:470:23:50

-Not bad. Comfy.

-It's quite nice and sparkly.

0:23:500:23:53

-Comfier than you think, in't it?

-Yeah.

-It is.

0:23:530:23:55

The time will end when you hear this...

0:23:550:23:57

We're off to Alicante!

0:23:570:23:59

-Are you ready?

-Ready.

-Start the clock.

0:23:590:24:02

Name a character in The Dumping Ground.

0:24:020:24:05

-Mo.

-Tee.

0:24:050:24:06

What gives you that right?

0:24:060:24:08

It's up to their parents to name 'em, not you!

0:24:080:24:11

Complete this famous double act. Sam and...

0:24:110:24:14

-Mark.

-Mark.

0:24:140:24:15

No, it's Sam-on and potatoes. It's Sam and Mark's favourite food.

0:24:150:24:18

Herman has disguised this prop as a CBBC star. But who is it?

0:24:200:24:24

Er...Bobby Lockwood.

0:24:240:24:27

Bobby Lockwood!

0:24:270:24:29

No, I'm afraid it's PC Lockplank.

0:24:290:24:31

Who's that...?

0:24:310:24:32

-I'm afraid you're wrong there. Herman, go away.

-Aww.

0:24:320:24:35

Please welcome me old chum and soon to be yours - Accordion George!

0:24:350:24:40

# It's Accordion George Acci-G #

0:24:400:24:42

The Big G - the Big George is here,

0:24:420:24:45

he's going to play you a fantastic tune on his acc.

0:24:450:24:49

And you two have to guess what on earth he's playing.

0:24:490:24:52

Now, call me old-fashioned, I've done this before -

0:24:520:24:54

you're unlikely to get it because he's not very good, are you, George?

0:24:540:24:57

Play the tune...

0:24:570:24:59

Acci-G!

0:24:590:25:01

HE PLAYS A JAUNTY TUNE

0:25:010:25:02

TUNE ENDS

0:25:170:25:19

Right... All right, all right. All right!

0:25:190:25:22

-Who was it?

-He's already getting paid.

0:25:220:25:24

Can you tell me what Acci-G was playing on his massive bulbous acc?

0:25:240:25:28

-Er...

-BOTH: Wake Me Up.

-Avicii.

0:25:280:25:31

Let's find out if you're correct...

0:25:310:25:33

MUSIC: Wake Me Up by Avicii Yes!

0:25:330:25:35

-Knew we'd got it.

-Well done! You got it right, well done, cocker.

0:25:350:25:39

I'm not sure how, it sounded like he had pease pudding in his pipes.

0:25:390:25:43

All right, George, go away.

0:25:430:25:45

Go on. Take your stool with you.

0:25:450:25:48

-Bye, George!

-Bye, George.

-All right, don't encourage him.

0:25:480:25:51

True or false?

0:25:510:25:53

Oh, that's true.

0:25:530:25:55

Wrong - it was neither.

0:25:550:25:56

We're off to Alicante!

0:25:560:25:58

Times up. That means you've won tonight's star prize.

0:25:580:26:01

-Woo.

-Wooo!

0:26:010:26:02

'A used sticky note!

0:26:020:26:04

'Note, no longer sticky.'

0:26:040:26:06

What do you think about that, cockers?

0:26:060:26:08

-I'm really excited about it, actually.

-Really?

0:26:080:26:11

-It's like, the top prize, ever.

-Don't get carried away.

0:26:110:26:14

Cos the prizes don't stop there, cocker -

0:26:140:26:16

you've also won a holiday!

0:26:160:26:18

-Oh! Really?

-Where to?

0:26:180:26:20

A barge trip for two through our fantastic studio drainage system.

0:26:200:26:25

Any last words before you go?

0:26:250:26:26

-No, thanks.

-Er - yeah...

0:26:260:26:28

Herman - flush them away!

0:26:290:26:32

FLUSHING

0:26:320:26:33

BOTH: Aaagh!

0:26:330:26:35

HE LAUGHS

0:26:350:26:37

What a great pair of CBBC stars there. I love 'em in Wolfblood.

0:26:370:26:40

Right. I'm off now to braise a fetid shoulder of lamb in the slow cooker.

0:26:400:26:44

But first I shall sing my trademark song. Join in, cockers!

0:26:440:26:49

# That is it for now, the end of the show

0:26:540:26:57

# I need the lav-lav so I'm going to go

0:26:570:26:59

# I'll see you next time on this show of mine

0:26:590:27:01

# Put it in your diary - it's called Hacker Time

0:27:010:27:04

# It's been amazing, we've been larking around

0:27:040:27:06

# The whole programme cost just under a pound

0:27:060:27:08

# Watch again next time cos we've got much more

0:27:080:27:11

# There'll be tons of other funny stuff - it will be top drawer

0:27:110:27:13

# Amy-Leigh and Kia dropped in

0:27:130:27:16

# The chat was sheer perfection

0:27:160:27:18

# We acted in The Trumping Ground

0:27:180:27:21

# But we lost a lot of comedy to the routine joke inspection

0:27:210:27:23

# That is it for now, the end of the show

0:27:230:27:25

# I need the lav-lav so I'm going to go

0:27:250:27:27

# I'll see you next time on this show of mine

0:27:270:27:30

# Put it in your diary - it's called Hacker Time

0:27:300:27:32

# Put it in your diary - it's called Hacker Time!

0:27:320:27:35

# That is the end of today's Hacker Time! #

0:27:350:27:38

That song was faintly humorous.

0:27:380:27:40

Shut it down. Shut it down! GLASS SHATTERS

0:27:400:27:43

Fun, chat and music from Hacker T Dog. This series features the brand new drama The Ms Marbles Mysteries, with Simon Lowe from 4 O'Clock Club as Constable Haywain. Kay Purcell plays Mrs Breadbin in the catering van sketch, and Ortis Deley takes up the role as Dexter in The Quarter Past 4 O'Clock Club.

This episode features The Dumping Ground actors Kia Pegg and Amy-Leigh Hickman.


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