Episode 1 HH: Gory Games Play Along

Dave, I've lost my hairbrush. I couldn't borrow yours, could I?

-Sure. There you go.

-Cheers, mate.

I guess this is what they call a brush with death.

Oh! Um...

I was just about to say that. No, really, I was!

I had thought of that, you know. Because it's a brush and I'm Death.

I thought it would be a funny thing to say when I came in, so...

# If mummies, rats and fleas ain't your thing

# And you don't like the sound of an exploding king

# If you're easily scared and don't laugh at poo

# Better turn off This show ain't for you

# Still watching? Then let's test your brains

# With Horrible Histories Gory Games

# Horrible Histories Gory...

# ..Games! #

Hello and welcome to Gory Games with me, Dave Lamb.

-And me, Tess Daly.

-Tess Daly?

That's what it says on my dressing room door.

-Rattus, you don't have a dressing room.

-Oh. Sorry, Tess.

I... I wouldn't eat the raisins on your sofa.

And I think that pretty much sets the tone for the show.

Let's meet today's Horrible Historians.

-Hi. I'm Maya and I'm from Wakefield.

-Hello, Maya!

-Hi, I'm Aaron and I'm from London.

-Hello, Aaron!

-Hi, I'm Olivia and I'm from Brighton.

-Hello, Olivia!

Welcome, everyone.

And you can all play along at home too using the Gory Games app.

Check out the CBBC website.

You lot are playing to win Year Spheres

and at the end of the show the person with the highest year score

will win a prize chosen by my furry colleague.

Oh, let me tell you, Dave - I am so excited by this prize, Dave.

I can hardly contain myself. HE FARTS

Oh, I haven't contained myself.

Oh, good heavens! And I'm afraid the prize is equally disgusting.

Time to get stuck into Round One. What's it about?

Let's go over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Slimy Stuarts.

So, four questions on the Slimy Stuarts coming up.

The person who gets the most right wins the first Year Sphere,

and your four Stuart topics are...

So, Olivia, you get to pick first this round.

-Which of those takes your fancy?

-Charles I.

Rattus, brace yourself, because this is a question from Death!

THUNDERCLAP

King Charles I's execution was a tragedy because it wasn't stupid.

But what they did with his head afterwards certainly was.

Let's see your answers now, please.

Maya and Aaron have agreed on B.

Olivia thinks it's C. What's the answer?

The answer is... B.

They sewed it back onto his body

so his family could pay their last respects.

Well, I always thought poor old Charles was badly stitched up.

HE LAUGHS

Excellent start, Aaron and Maya. Aaron, what topic do you fancy?

The Great Fire.

The Great Fire of 1666 was an accident,

but the people of London wanted someone to blame.

Who was accused of starting it and then executed?

Let's see your answers now, please.

The girls have agreed on C.

Aaron thinks the answer is B.

Let's find out what the answer is.

The answer is A. A French watchmaker, who was hanged,

even though he wasn't in the country when the fire started.

No points there. Bad luck.

Maya, it's your turn to choose a category.

Preferably Cures.

-That is a question from Rattus Rattus.

-Oh, yes, it is.

What did Stuarts think you should eat to cure lung disease?

Was it A, snails boiled in milk with a few worms?

B, toads fried in honey with a few flies?

Or C, cows' udders baked in a snakeskin?

Let's see your answers now, please.

Everybody agreeing that it's C.

-Are they all right or are they all wrong?

-Well, Dave, you're all wrong!

The answer is A, snails boiled in milk with a few worms.

Forget about curing anything, I'd eat that just as a snack. Ha ha!

So no points there. Bad luck.

It's very, very close, with one question remaining in this round.

It is a question on Spots.

Are you ready? Here comes your question.

What did some Stuart women rub on their skin to clear up spots?

Was it A, pigeon poo?

B, pigeon feathers?

Or C, pigeon blood?

Let's see your answers now, please.

Olivia and Aaron going for A.

Maya going for B.

Let's find out what the answer is.

The answer is C, pigeon blood.

With a face full of pigeon blood,

you certainly wouldn't notice a couple of spots.

And that is the end of the round, which means Aaron and Maya,

we have a tie-breaker situation.

Beginning with the letter G,

what was the first name of the famous Catholic

who planned the failed gunpowder plot of 1605?

-TOILET FLUSHES

-Guy Fawkes.

Guy Fawkes is absolutely right. Well done.

That means it's time for you to choose your Year Sphere

and it's time for me to say...

All hail the potty pyramid!

ANGELIC MUSIC

-I love a bit of gas.

-Rattus, we know. OK, Maya, choose your Year Sphere.

But choose carefully

because AD dates will be added to your total score

and BC dates subtracted from it.

Winning the Stuart quiz means that Maya

is automatically through to play the Stuart game.

But will she be alone or will everyone get to play?

Let's find out.

-It's an All Play Silly Game. Hey, hey, Rattus!

-Ooh! Ooh!

So, it's off down the Time Sewer with the lot of you.

Head first. Excellent.

When Dutch artist Peter Lely was asked

to paint a portrait of Oliver Cromwell,

he was told that the picture should be utterly unflattering

and should show every pimple, blemish and bump.

-Like every photo of you, Dave.

-All right, Rattus.

Cromwell wanted to be painted warts and all,

and it's time to play...

Three portraits of Oliver Cromwell, but where are his warts?

Your challenge is to fire warts onto your portrait.

The person who gets the most warts onto their Cromwell's face

in the time allowed wins a Year Sphere.

So, paintbrushes at the ready. Your time starts...now.

BUZZER RINGS

Here we go. And Aaron the first to show.

Bang! Straight on the cheekbone.

There's Cromwell's first wart.

There he goes again.

Misses. So just one wart on our three Cromwells.

That's two for Aaron now. Wart a delivery! Warts, Rattus.

Fair enough. So the girls yet to trouble the scorers, really.

Olivia's off the mark. Nice shot. Look at this.

Aaron already has three warts on Cromwell's face.

Extraordinary total. He's only had five shots.

That's amazing. But Maya is having a bit of trouble with her aim.

Oh, it's bogey time! Did you see that, Rattus?

Right on target there, Olivia. Tremendous.

Aaron keeps up his tremendous form with four warts.

And Maya's got one too, right on the noggin.

Oh! Warts are raining down on Cromwell's face.

I'd rather be painted in a flattering way.

You know, have the artist capture my best side.

What's that, your back? HE LAUGHS

Thank you, Rattus. Aaron's got six. Now Maya's level with Olivia on two.

Great stuff... But Aaron increases his lead again.

Absolutely brilliant. Olivia sneaking a third there.

But I tell you what, Aaron's Cromwell is more wart than face.

DAVE LAUGHS

30 seconds remaining.

So, the last 30 seconds of the game.

Olivia's doing well on four, but there is no catching Aaron.

Bang! Right on the hooter! Aaron's in a league of his own.

For the girls, it's a race for second place.

And Maya's giving it her all in these last few moments.

Wart a game this has been, eh, Rattus! Eh? Please yourself.

Olivia's keeping a lead... Oh, I spoke too soon!

Bosh! Maya equalises. Can Olivia respond? Yes, she can!

-Time's up!

-SIREN WAILS

So the girls draw on five, but Aaron will collect the Year Sphere.

Terrific wart flinging. Superb stuff.

Aaron, fantastic. Nine warts. Help yourself to a Year Sphere.

There he goes. We'll find out what's in that and the other ones

at the end of the show. Superb work. So, Round Two.

To find out what's up next, it's over to the Gory Grid.

It's the frightful First World War.

Four questions again.

Here are your all-important First World War topics.

-So, Aaron, it's your turn to pick first.

-I'll go for Soldiers.

True or false - all the soldiers

in the trenches in World War I were men?

All the soldiers in the trenches in World War I were men?

Is that true or false?

Let's see your answers now, please.

Aaron and Olivia think it's false.

Maya says true. What's the answer?

It's false.

Some women signed up too, but they had to lie on their sign-up papers

-and pretend to be men.

-Well played, Olivia and Aaron.

And Maya, it's your turn to pick a topic.

Em... Baboons.

-That is a question from Rattus Rattus.

-Certainly is.

True or false - a baboon called Jackie

became a private in the South African Army in World War I.

A baboon called Jackie became a private in the South African Army

in World War I.

Is that true or false?

Interesting. Rattus, what's the answer?

It's true! Ha ha!

Jackie was a first-class guard. With his acute hearing,

he could detect the enemy long before his human companions.

Congratulations. Another two points. Olivia, what would you like?

Parachutes, please.

True or false -

British pilots in World War I were not allowed parachutes.

British pilots in World War I were not allowed parachutes.

Is that true or false?

Everybody has gone for true.

Let's find out if they're all right or all wrong.

It's true.

It was thought the pilots would fight more bravely

if they knew they didn't have a parachute.

Tragically, this meant many pilots died unnecessarily.

-It's horrible, but it's true.

-It is true, sadly.

And you all thought it was true, so that's a point each.

A final question in this round is on Pensioners.

Is this true or false...

There were pensioners fighting in the trenches in World War One.

Is that true or is that false?

They all think it's true. What's the answer?

It's... true!

There we go. Two maximum scores.

Aaron and Olivia, you are about to go into a tie-break situation.

Beginning with the letter G,

what was the name of the explosive device designed to be thrown...

-SNEEZING

-Olivia.

-Gunpowder.

-Unlucky. It's not gunpowder.

That full question now for Aaron.

Beginning with the letter G, what was the name of the explosive device

designed to be thrown by hand and used in World War I?

-Grenade.

-It is a grenade, Aaron. Well done.

Help yourself to another Year Sphere.

So, Aaron, as the World War I quiz winner,

you're through to play the World War I game.

But will you be going it alone

or will everyone else be playing alongside you?

Let's find out.

It's a Single Player Silly Game.

So, Aaron, off down the Time Sewer you go.

It's time to play...

You are a British World War I fighter pilot

facing the most deadly German pilot of them all, the infamous Red Baron.

Your task is to load, aim and hit the enemy planes.

There's one point for every enemy plane you hit

and two points if you get the Red Baron himself.

Score six points in the time limit to win your Year Sphere.

-Battle begins now.

-KLAXON HONKS

Look at that.

A bit of turbulence. It's his first shot...

-One down!

-Wow! Eat that!

German bomber is down.

Let's see what he's got.

-Second in a row!

-At this rate,

the war will be over by Christmas.

That's extraordinary.

What's he going to do with the third?

-Very close, wasn't he?

-Yes, indeed.

I'll tell you what's happening now.

Our first Red Baron coming across.

Oh! He's just missed him.

If he's the Red Baron, can I be the Duke of Brown?

If you like, Rattus.

Wait a minute! There's another one down. That's three.

He's halfway there and it's as if he's only just begun.

This is impressive flying.

Oh! He's just missed that one.

Clipped the wing, I think.

30 seconds remaining.

There's another one down.

He just needs two points now. Can he hit the Red Baron?

Yes, he can! He's won the game with time to spare.

And what a celebration that is!

Superb shooting. Help yourself, help yourself.

Lovely stuff.

Right, on to Round Three.

To find out what's up next, it's over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Vile Victorians. Good day!

So, four questions on the Vile Victorians

and your all-important Victorian topics are...

So, Maya, it's your turn to lead us off this time.

Em... Movies.

That is a question, Maya, from Rattus Rattus.

In 1896, the first moving pictures were seen in public in Britain.

But what was one of the first films called?

Let's see your answers now, please.

Maya and Olivia agreeing on B.

Aaron on his own here with A.

Rattus, what's the answer?

The answer is B, The Boxing Kangaroo.

I mean, who'd want to watch a film called The Talking Rat?

So that's a point each to the girls. Well played.

-And Olivia, it's your turn to pick.

-Gadgets.

That is a prop question, Olivia.

Hooray! Dave, I've put the prop in the cupboard.

Yes, I'm aware of that, Rattus. But which one?

It's in the cupboard with the prop in it.

That's very helpful as always. Let's try this one.

-Oh!

-Wrong!

Unless of course the prop is a boxing glove. Which it isn't.

Second time lucky, perhaps.

-Oh!

-Ha ha!

That was lucky! Well, for us.

There it is.

Thanks for your invaluable assistance as ever, Rattus.

-Pleasure.

-Right, this is a genuine Victorian invention, but what is it?

The girls have both gone for C.

Aaron has gone for A.

And I can tell you the answer is C.

They are eye massagers. Well done, the girls. A point each there.

-Aaron, it's your turn to choose a category.

-Cures, please.

A Victorian doctor at Brompton Hospital in London

treated tuberculosis with some weird cures.

Which one of these was not one of them?

A, gas pumped up the bottom?

B, snake poo mixed with woodstain?

Or C, lion wee up the nose?

Let's see your answers now, please.

Aaron and Maya have gone for B.

Olivia has gone for C.

Let's find out what the answer is.

The answer is C. He didn't try lion wee up the nose,

but he really did mix boa constrictor poo

with creosote used for staining wood, and applied it to the chest.

If that failed, he pumped gases up your behind.

HE LAUGHS With my bottom,

gases usually go the other way. HE FARTS

Rattus, we are all very aware of that.

Brilliant, Olivia. Excellent answer. You're in the lead

with one more question. And here it comes now.

The Great Exhibition of 1851

was a festival celebrating the British Empire.

It was held in the newly-built Crystal Palace,

but what was the big problem?

A, there were no toilets?

B, the building was too hot?

Or C, there were birds trapped inside?

Let's see your answers now, please.

You've all gone for C.

Let's find out if you're all right.

The answer is C.

Sparrows became trapped inside and started pooing on people.

Dreadful business!

Well done, everyone. That's a point apiece.

And, Olivia, you've got maximum points again,

but this time it's enough to earn you a Year Sphere.

Olivia, that's fantastic. You have won the Victorian quiz

so you're through to play the Victorian game,

but will you be going it alone or will the others be going with you?

Let's find out.

It's a Single Player Brainy Game, so I hope you're feeling clever.

Off down the Time Sewer with you.

Goodbye!

Isambard Kingdom Brunel was as brilliant at engineering

as he was terrible at magic.

In 1843, he got a coin stuck in his throat

while performing a magic trick and nearly choked to death.

It took a clever device designed by his father to dislodge it.

It's time to play...

Your challenge is to finish the mechanism.

Place all the cogs in the right place, and by turning the wheel

you'll flip Brunel upside down,

dislodge the coin and save his life.

Succeed and you win a Year Sphere.

But you'd better be quick because the clock is ticking,

and your time starts now.

So there's the solution just for you at home

and here goes Olivia, trying to save Brunel.

Coin stuck in his throat.

Do I have to tell you all at home that you should never swallow coins?

It is extremely dangerous. The first cog wasn't right, by the way.

Let's see how she gets on with this one.

The main cog in by the crank cog is already in place.

-That's easy for you to say.

-Well, I wish it was. In goes the second one.

That is beautiful. Now she needs a large one.

Ooh, decisions, decisions.

I think that one may be too small,

but she's got a very methodical approach.

She's worked it out instantly.

-She really knows what she's doing here, Olivia.

-She certainly does.

30 seconds remaining.

There's 30 seconds left, but it's all going terrifically well.

Just got to do a bit of jiggery-pokery with that.

It's going to slide in lovely.

Now she needs a tiny one, and a tiny one she's already retrieved.

It's all there. All she's got to do now is turn the handle.

-But oh, my word! It's stuck.

-Oh, no!

-No, it's fine.

And Barmy Brunel is upside down.

The coin's in the roof of his mouth.

Game, set and match to Olivia.

Help yourself to a Year Sphere straight away. Excellent.

OK, the Final Round.

It's over to the Gory Grid one last time to find out what we've got.

It's the Measly Middle Ages.

It's the Final Round, which means there are no questions to answer.

Instead, it's time for our big

-All Play Middle Ages End Game of Feeling Eel. And, Rattus?

-Yes?

-This is a Stupid Death Game.

-THUNDERCLAP

Everybody, get down that Time Sewer.

-Wait for it, wait for it, go!

-It smells!

-Good work, Aaron.

Whee!

As a Stupid Death Game, this means saying hello to you know who.

Hello! Now, as absolutely everyone in the world knows,

King Henry I died from eating too many eel-like fish

-known as lampreys. Ha ha!

-Actually, Death,

I don't think everyone in the world does know that.

Honestly, what do they teach in schools nowadays?

Anyway, the aim of this game is to fetch your slimy lampreys,

run down your lane and feed them into Henry I's gaping cakehole.

-Or in this case, eelhole! Ha ha!

-THUNDERCLAP

The person who gets the most fish into their Henry's mouth

within the time limit wins themselves a Year Sphere.

And your time starts now!

And they're off! It's lampreys a go-go.

But brace yourself, Rattus, because I'm afraid this is going to be grim.

The slimy eel's being forced in there.

RETCHING

But Olivia's first to deliver,

with Maya and Aaron close behind.

And you have to say Maya will be keen to win this game

and bag herself another Year Sphere,

but she's got her work cut out here because Olivia is on fire!

Look at this. They're neck and neck - and neck.

Olivia is like lightning across the ground here.

-Like rats up a drainpipe, Dave!

-You'd know.

Those lampreys couldn't be more slippery

if they were covered in engine oil, chicken fat

and wrapped in an old banana peel,

which is also a delicious recipe idea.

The reasons for your bad breath

are becoming evidently clear.

What a woofer!

Back to the game, though, and it's very close indeed.

Three apiece now, with Olivia just keeping a small lead,

but I tell you what, anything can happen here.

The fourth eel being delivered there for Olivia.

And for Maya. This is very close.

Aaron is flapping that fish all over Henry's face

with his tail-first technique. That'll cost him time.

Dave, you know what they say, the only good fish

is a dead fish that you find rotting in a gutter.

I think it might only be rats that say that.

Oh! Five for Olivia.

Five for Maya. Time check, Death.

Tick-tock! Your time is running out.

HE LAUGHS

"There's 30 seconds left" would have done, Death!

Aaron rams another one home there

and, for me, these lampreys are getting slimier.

Olivia just about clinging on to her lead. She's got six.

Seconds to go now, but Maya's still in this. She's got six too now!

Aaron's going to get his sixth in, but I think it'll be

a straight fight between Olivia and Maya. This is so, so exciting!

Olivia's there. If she can get this in, she'll win the game.

-Can she do it? Yes!

-Time's up.

-Olivia's done it!

She'll be delighted with that, as will Henry I.

Fantastic eeling all round. Terrific work.

The final scores were six, six and seven.

So that is very, very close.

The winner of the final Year Sphere is Olivia.

CHEERING

# It's small, it's round Inside a date is found

# Year Sphere, Year sphere! # THEY LAUGH

It's time to count up those Year Spheres.

Remember, AD dates are added to the total

and BC dates are subtracted from it.

It's the moment of truth. Olivia, open up that first Year Sphere.

1776 AD. America declares independence from Britain.

Let's open up your second one.

1815 AD.

That was the battle of Waterloo, that year. And open up the last one.

Oh, no! Oh, dear, oh, dear. 9000 BC.

Stone Age man started to use bow and arrow round about then.

That's left you with -5409.

Let's see what happens. Aaron, let's have a look what you've got.

You've not started brilliantly. 30 BC. The death of Queen Cleopatra.

So you've got a bit of catching up to do yourself.

Let's have a look at that second one.

Now we're on track. 1969 AD.

Man landed on the moon that year. Let's open up that third one.

This is crucial.

1099 AD. The First Crusade started in that year.

That's amazing. That's a score of 3038 points.

Now, Maya, this could be a challenge.

Let's see what you've got in that Sphere in any case.

It's 79 AD.

The Colosseum opened in Rome, but that's enough for second place.

But today's winner with 3038 points is Aaron.

Fantastic work!

And what sort of quiz show would this be without an amazing prize?

Well, this sort of quiz show, because all our prizes

are fished out of the Time Sewer by my furry friend here.

So what have you got for us today, Rattus?

Well, Dave, I think you have to hand it to me for today's prize,

which is going to come in really handy.

So please give Dave a big hand as he hands over...

It's a hand, isn't it? Of course it's a hand. It is a hand.

It's one of the right hands

that Egyptian soldiers would cut off of their dead enemies after a battle.

They'd then count up all the hands

to work out how many enemies they'd killed.

Do you need a hand with that, Dave?

I think that's enough of the hand stuff. Congratulations, Aaron.

There you go. Apologies, of course, as always.

On the bright side,

at least you don't have to go home down the Time Sewer,

like our valiant runners-up, Olivia and Maya. Off you go.

Down the Time Sewer. Good luck!

You won't be cheering when you see what you've got to get through!

If you want to play along at home next time,

don't forget to download the Gory Games app.

-Ha ha!

-Urgh!

Ha ha!

-Well, I've been Dave Lamb.

-And I've been Rattus Rattus.

-You most definitely have.

-And that was Gory Games. Goodbye!

-Goodbye.

# Horrible Histories Gory...

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