Episode 2 HH: Gory Games Play Along

# If mummies, rats and fleas ain't your thing

# And you don't like the sound of an exploding king

# If you're easily scared and don't laugh at poo

# Better turn off This show ain't for you

# Still watching? Then let's test your brains

# With Horrible Histories Gory Games

# Horrible Histories Gory...

# ..Games! #

Hello and welcome to Gory Games with me, Dave Lamb.

And me, Rattus Rattus.

And Trevor and Samantha and Johnny and Belinda...

Rattus, we haven't got all day.

-Do you have to name check all your lice?

-Guess not.

Let's just name check the people that actually matter, shall we?

Today's Horrible Historians.

-Hi, I'm Rehab, and I come from London.

-Hello, Rehab.

-I'm Robbie, and I come from Rugby.

-Hello, Robbie.

Hello, I'm Charlotte, and I come from Preston.

Hello, Charlotte!

Welcome, everyone.

And you can play along at home too, using the Gory Games app.

Check out the CBBC website.

You lot are playing to win Year Spheres.

And at the end of the show, the person with the highest year score

will win a priceless prize

as chosen by Yours Truly.

So that's "priceless" as in not worth any money.

Time to get on with the show and, to find out what

the first round's about, it's over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Vicious Vikings.

So, four questions on the Vikings coming up.

And the person who gets the most right wins the first Year Sphere.

Your four Viking topics are

So, Charlotte, what of those do you fancy?

I'm going to go Viking Words.

That is a question from Rattus Rattus.

Certainly is.

What was Valhalla?

Show me your answers now, please.

They've all gone for B. What's the answer, Rattus?

The answer is indeed B.

Valhalla was Viking heaven.

Congratulations, everyone, you're all off the mark.

Excellent start. Robbie, which category would you like?

Can I have Kings, please?

What did King Ivar the Boneless's Vikings do to Saxon King Edmund?

Was it A, chop off his hands and eat them?

B, Tie him to a tree and fire arrows at him

Or C, cook a live inside a roast ox?

Let's see those answers now, please.

Charlotte goes B, Robbie and Rehab agree on C.

What's the answer?

The answer is B.

Ivor's Vikings tied Edmund to a tree, fired arrows into him,

cut off his head and chopped him into pieces.

When we Vikings fall out with someone,

we REALLY fall out with someone.

Charlotte, congratulations. You are now in the lead.

Rehab, it's your turn to pick a topic.

Battles, please.

You're going to like this, Rattus.

Battles is a question...from Death!

CLAP OF THUNDER

Oooh, it's me!

Here to jolly things up with a question about death.

What killed Viking king Harald Hardrada

at the Battle of Stamford Bridge in 1066?

A, an arrow in the neck?

B, an arrow in the eye,

or C, an arrow in the bum?

Let's see those answers now, please.

Charlotte and Robbie have gone for A, Rehab has gone for B.

What's the answer, Death?

The answer is A.

He was killed by an English arrow in the neck.

Must have been a right pain in the neck! Ha-ha!

Yeah, I know, an arrow in the bum would've been far stupider,

but what can you do?

Congratulations. Well done, Charlotte and Robbie.

That's points there.

The last question in this round weddings.

Let's see if you know this one.

Let's see those answers now, please.

Charlotte and Robbie agreeing again on C,

Rehab striking out on her own, on A. Let's see what the answer is.

Let me put you out of your misery.

The answer is, A. They would hurl insults at each other.

Yes, Vikings enjoyed a good insult and also liked a good fight.

They would have loved EastEnders!

Well done Rehab. An extra point for you. But, at the end of the round,

we can see that Charlotte is the winner of our first Year Sphere.

CHEERING

And it's time for me to say, All Hail the Potty Pyramid!

MONASTIC CHORAL MUSIC

Away you go, Charlotte, approach the Potty Pyramid.

Choose carefully. Any AD dates will be added to your score

but any BC dates will be subtracted.

We will find out what's in there, at the end of the show.

Now, winning the Viking quiz means that Charlotte is automatically

through to play the Viking Game.

But will she be alone, or will everyone get to play?

Let's find out.

Oh, it's an All Play silly game!

So it's off down the Time Sewer with the lot of you.

Go on, Rehab, lead us off.

In you go, Robbie. Well done, Charlotte.

Oh, it sti-i-i-i-inks!

It does indeed sti-i-i-i-ink!

The Vikings were a lot more hygienic than people tend to think.

To clean wax from their ears, they had a tiny ear spoon.

It's time to play

Your challenge, to clean out a Viking ear.

Carry the wobbly wax on your Viking ear spoon,

over the wobbly bridge, and flick it in your bowl.

The person who gets the most earwax from ear to bowl

within the time limit wins the Year Sphere.

And your time starts now!

HORN SOUNDS

In they go, digging that wax out with their tiny ear spoons.

And Charlotte is the first to show,

walking very carefully over the bridge.

They've all kept control of their wax very nicely.

And here's the first delivery.

Oh, and it's in!

That's one apiece.

Is anybody waxing my ears?

Well, surprisingly not,

but there is a lovely view,

straight out the other side!

Actually, Dave, I once used a spoon in quite a similar way.

Only I used it to get...

I'm going to stop that story right there.

I don't think that was going anywhere we want to follow.

There's another from Charlotte,

and another from Rehab, and another from Robbie.

So they're neck and neck,

or ear and ear I suppose I should say!

RATTUS CACKLES

I wonder if modern Scandinavians

have ears this clean, Rattus.

There's Rehab going into the lead.

The other two having problems

with their third bit of wax.

If they got enough wax here,

they could make themselves a big candle.

They could do, couldn't they?

Be that as it may, we're over halfway into the game now.

Ow, Rehab just missed one there.

But that's another one from Robbie. And now, here comes Charlotte.

It's 3-3, and I have to say there is not much time left.

30 seconds remaining.

In goes Robbie again, digging away feverishly.

He must be almost through to the eardrum.

Oh, and another one from Charlotte!

Here comes Rehab with her fifth. She's in it to win it.

I think she might do, if she keeps up this pace.

Here's Robbie, look, lovely technique,

but, I don't think he can beat Rehab now, despite that one.

This is Charlotte's chance to equalise.

All she has to do is hold her nerve. Oh, she's dropped it.

I think she's blown her chances.

That's six for Rehab. Nobody's going to catch her now.

Time's up!

Rehab has one that hands-down.

CHEERING

Lovely stuff. Well played.

Have you picked earwax out of a Viking's ear before, Robbie?

No, and I don't intend to do it again.

Really? Rehab, you have won yourself a Year Sphere.

CHORAL FANFARE

Well played indeed.

Right, round two, and to find out what's next,

it's back over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Measly Middle Ages.

Four questions, and your four all- important Middle Ages topics are

So, Robbie, it's your turn to pick first this time.

William I, please.

True or false.

In 1066, William the Conqueror tripped over

and landed near Hastings.

Let's see your answers now, please.

The girls both think it's true, Robbie thinks it's false.

What's the answer?

It's true. He fell flat on his face,

which everyone thought was a bad omen.

But he saved the day by grabbing some soil

and saying, "Look how easily I take King Harold's land."

A great line. I wasn't there, but... It was great.

Well done, Charlotte and Rehab. There we go.

A point apiece.

And, Rehab, it's your turn to pick a topic.

Mealtimes, please.

That is a question from Rattus Rattus.

True or false. According to Middle Ages table manners,

it was OK to talk with your mouth full of food.

It's Charlotte and Robbie agreeing this time,

and Rehab is the one on her own, what's the answer, Rattus?

It's false!

Yeah, talking with your mouth full was considered very rude by humans

although it was positively encouraged by rats!

HE BELCHES

Well done, Rehab. That's another point to you.

And, Charlotte, it's your turn to pick a topic.

Could I have punishments?

True or false? In medieval York, if a soldier fell asleep

while on duty, he was hung from the walls in a wicker basket.

Robbie and Rehab going for true.

Charlotte going for false. What's the answer, please?

It's true!

He was given a knife,

and told he could stay there as long as he wanted,

but the only way he was coming down was if he cut the rope,

and dropped into the pooey moat below!

HE RETCHES

It don't bear thinking about!

What's the punishment? I don't get it.

No, Rattus, I don't suppose you ever will.

Congratulations, Robbie and Rehab, that's a point each there.

And we can see that Rehab, with one question left in this round,

you cannot be caught.

So, help yourself to another Year Sphere, please.

Try giving them a sniff. The Middle Ages ones probably smell of poo!

Ha-ha-ha!

You know they don't, Rattus.

OK, Rehab, as the Middle Ages quiz winner,

you are through to play the Middle Ages game.

But is it just you or do the others get to play too?

There's only one way to find out.

It's a Single Player Silly Game!

So, go on, Rehab, get down that Time Sewer again.

We're off to the court of King Louis XI of France, in the 1400s,

and he has just been delivered an unusual musical instrument.

Yes, it's time to play...

OINKING

The instrument consisted of pigs of different sizes

and a keyboard.

Play a key, and a little spike would prick a piggy

and make it squeal.

Your challenge, to listen to and repeat a sequence of piggy squeals.

The sequence will get one squeal longer each time.

Correctly repeat nine squeals within the time limit to win a Year Sphere.

Well, here comes Rehab, ready to play on Louis XI's Pig Piano.

HORN SOUNDS

Here comes the first sequence of piggy squeaks.

Here we go.

I guess, Dave, they didn't actually have an RSPCA in the Middle Ages?

No, I don't think so, Rattus.

Correct!

She's made a good start. Now, you watch her technique, here.

As the sequence goes through, she points -

like a conductor, conducting some unspeakable music.

There we go, that's the four. Now, will she get the extra one?

Correct!

Yes, she's there.

Very clean bottoms from the pigs in this game, Dave.

Thankfully! So, now, she's going for the six press sequence.

Many have fallen at this stage, I can tell you.

But she's playing very well.

Looks like she's done this before, Rattus.

Correct!

Rehab is doing extremely well, isn't she?

There we go again. There she is, conducting

in that trademark style of hers,

pointing, almost willing the squeaks to appear where she wants them.

So this is the seven press sequence.

PIG BREAKS WIND

Oh, and there's the first piggy gone!

Correct.

It didn't put her off one iota. She didn't even flinch.

And the stench back there!

And it's drifting over here already!

It's made its way into the commentary box.

-How she's managing to stay so calm?

-She's certainly very focused.

Still, she must press on, she's going for the eight press sequence.

This is where it gets really tricky.

Correct.

Oh, she's done it.

So, to the final sequence.

Will Rehab avoid the spray of pungent pig poo?

Nine notes to remember now. This should be interesting.

-PIG BREAKS WIND

-Oh, there's another one!

Oh, now, I'm getting coconut, there!

Just one more note to go now.

Correct!

And she's done it! Well, that's extraordinary.

Top squeaking!

Superb work! Tremendous.

CHORAL FANFARE

That was incredible.

Right, Round Three, and it's over to the Gory Grid

to find out what's up next.

It's the Vile Victorians. Good day.

Four questions, as always, and these are your four Victorian topics.

So, Rehab, it's your turn to lead us off.

-Toilets!

-Toilets.

The Great Exhibition of 1851

was a huge festival celebrating science in the British Empire.

It featured flushing toilets, which were used by 800,000 people,

but how much did they cost to use?

Let's see those answers, please.

Charlotte and Robbie have agreed.

Rehab, you have gone for A. Let's find out what the answer is.

The answer is A. The toilets cost a penny to use.

Well played, Rehab. That's another point on the board for you.

And, Charlotte, it's your turn to pick a topic.

Please, can I have Gadgets?

That is a prop question.

# Prop question! Prop question! #

Yes, the first question, of course,

being which cupboard have you put the prop in, Rattus?

-The top cupboard...

-OK.

Oh!

..is definitely not where it is.

So, where is it, then?

The middle cupboard...

Like I'm going to fall for that!

Oh!

..is definitely where it is.

Thank you, Rattus...

for your invaluable help, once again.

Here it is, this is a genuine, Victorian gadget, but what is it?

Is it...

Charlotte and Rehab agreeing on C.

Robbie has gone for A.

Robbie is right. Well done, Robbie.

It is a Victorian exercise belt.

One previous owner, Dave - never been used.

Cheeky! Robbie, it's your turn to pick a topic.

Can I have Dinner Parties, please?

Prince Christian, who was married to one of Queen Victoria's daughters,

used to do what at dinner parties?

A, juggle with his wooden leg,

B, stir boiling soup with his wooden hand,

or, C, take out his false eye?

Charlotte and Robbie agreeing on C, Rehab has gone for B.

What's the answer?

The answer is C.

He used to take out his false eye at dinner parties.

Most amusing it was, too!

Yeah, Prince Christian had lost his eye in a hunting accident

and had a whole selection of glass eyes -

including a bloodshot one, for when he was feeling a bit poorly.

Congratulations, Robbie and Charlotte.

And we come now to the final question in this round, on horses.

From Rattus Rattus.

Certainly is.

How much horse poo was dropped on the roads of Victorian London

in an average day?

Charlotte and Robbie agreeing again with B.

Rehab has gone for A. What's the answer, Rattus?

The answer is B.

Horses were as common as cars are today.

So, they soon filled up the streets with steaming piles of manure.

Talk about the good old days, eh, Dave?

Well played, Robbie and Charlotte, that's a point each

and, at the end of that round,

it is Robbie who collects his first Year Sphere. Well done.

CHORAL FANFARE

Everybody's got a Year Sphere.

OK, Robbie, you won the Victorian quiz,

so you're through to play the Victorian game.

But will you be playing alone or will the others get to join you?

Let's find out.

It's a Single Player Game!

And I hope you're feeling brave, because it's a scary one.

SPOOKY LAUGHTER

Go on, Robbie. Take a deep breath, get yourself down that sewer.

-Oh, he's gone.

-Ha-ha!

During the Industrial Revolution,

children had to work long hours in dangerous factories

and horrible accidents could happen.

It's time to play...

Your challenge is to make your way through the factory machinery

and find the four lost fingers.

Then get back through the machinery

and put those fingers back on the hand, within the time limit,

to win the Year Sphere.

Your shift starts now.

STEAM WHISTLE

So, off he goes.

Robbie got through those rollers very quickly.

He's straight into the loom.

The key to this game is of course not to lose any of your fingers

whilst in the machinery yourself!

And now, this is where he needs to work away very quickly.

He's got to pull that chain a lot faster than that, Rattus.

Oh, he's going the wrong way!

He's lifting the finger up, further away from him.

That's a terrible shame.

He's realised, we're going the right way again and here it comes.

Here comes the first finger.

Did you know that factory bosses would poke children with pins,

to make them work faster?

-Did they do that, Dave?

-They did and one's just done it.

Hurry up! Hurry!

Now, what Robbie needs to do year is spin the mechanism

to release the press, so that he can get his hand in there,

and grab the second finger.

You can just imagine the Victorian factory boss, can't you?

"Right, hands up who's lost their hands in an accident?!"

RATTUS LAUGHS

He's doing very, very well now. Look, there's that second finger.

He's halfway through the game.

He's now got to pick his way back through the loom

as quickly as he can, in order to rescue the other two fingers.

And it is very easy to lose your footing in there but he hasn't done.

He's through. Well done, Robbie.

And there's the third finger. He found that very quickly indeed.

That hand will be waving again in no time.

This is the last challenge.

30 seconds remaining!

He just needs to pull those metal rods

and the finger should drop down, so that he can grab it.

It's proving very fiddly.

Precious seconds ticking away, here.

Come on, Robbie!

Pull your finger out!

Time really running out for Robbie, now, though. Those rods!

They are so tricky to move.

I think his finger's well and truly stuck.

I don't like this!

Time's up.

It's game over, I'm afraid.

Robbie's time in the factory has run out!

Robbie, so close.

So close.

How was that for you?

I came up with a strategy -

go to the furthest one back and then get all the ones on the way

but I didn't see the arrow on the chain,

so I went the wrong way for a bit.

Bad luck. Time now for our Final Round.

So, it's over to the Gory Grid, one last time,

to find out what we've got.

It's the Slimy Stuarts!

It's the Final Round, so there's no quirky quiz.

We're going straight to our big all play Stuarts Endgame.

So, everyone, back down that Time Sewer with the lot of you.

Go on, Rehab.

Ah, Robbie reversing down.

Bye!

It's time to play...

It's 1666, and the Great Fire of London has begun.

You are King Charles II and your mission is to help put it out.

Collect water in your bucket.

Carry it along your lane and slosh it onto the fire

but watch out for falling buildings.

Whoever gets the most water on the fire in the time limit

wins the Year Sphere.

Ready? In three, two, one...

HORN SOUNDS

And away they go!

Who is going to be the first to show?

They're heading off at the same time.

Robbie's juggling with his bucket.

That was a lively one! It nearly got away.

Now, Rehab, the first to throw.

Decent, one in. Lovely shot!

Oh, look at Charlotte!

And Robbie's thrown his bucket!

I'm sure I saw, yeah, he's going to collect it now.

They've got to negotiate a block of cheese.

Cheese was expensive in Stuart times

and Samuel Pepys buried his,

so that it would survive the fire.

What possession would you save

if there was a fire, Rattus?

I'd save my huge collection of...

Actually, I'd rather not know.

That's a lovely shot, there.

Let me just recap who everybody is.

The yellow Charles II is Rehab.

The green Charles II is Charlotte... Amazing shot, there!

..and the brown Charles II is Robbie.

Oh, dear me, he's slightly lost his footing.

It is getting very wet and slippery out there.

Particularly in Robbie's lane, you have to say.

That's a lovely effort from Rehab at the end.

One at a time.

Let's see how Charlotte goes this time.

-Again!

-100%!

Oh, dear me.

And Robbie is rolling about, all over the Samuel Pepys' cheese.

Still, he's up on his feet. Oh, he's down again.

Oh, dear. He's slipping about all over the shop.

What's happened is, he's dropped a load of water in his lane

and he can't stand up.

Look at him! There he is in the middle.

He just can't find his feet.

Charlotte's racing along her lane.

Poor old Robbie's not going anywhere fast.

Maybe he needs a new technique?

30 seconds remaining!

Oh, and he's gone for the headfirst dive. Classic!

A quick factoid for you, Rattus.

To stop the fire spreading, some people's houses got pulled down,

so our players need to watch out for falling masonry.

What did I tell you?!

Another effort from Charlotte. Not quite so good that time.

There's a ball escaped Robbie, in the middle.

The last 10 seconds of the game now.

It's a great final effort from Rehab.

They're all starting to look very tired, though.

At least Rehab's still on her fee...

Time's up!

And it's all over. And for me, this is not a difficult one.

Robbie has got virtually nothing.

There he is, contemplating the ruin of his house,

thinking about rebuilding it.

Rehab's got a smattering of water but the winner, here, is Charlotte.

CHEERING

Well played! Welcome back. Well...

in first place, with LOADS of water, was Charlotte.

Help yourself to a Year Sphere, Charlotte. A last Year Sphere...

in the game today.

That's the one that's been chosen.

Terrific. Now, it's time to count up those Year Spheres.

Remember that AD dates are added and BC dates are subtracted.

It's the moment of truth.

OK, Charlotte, let's see your Year Spheres.

CHEERING

Oh, 37AD. Caligula became emperor of Rome that year.

What's the second one?

1714 AD, so that's marvellous.

King George I first became king.

That gives you a total of 1,751.

Robbie, that is what you have to beat.

Let's have a look what you've got.

-CHEERING

-Oh, and you have beaten it!

1957AD. Well, well, well.

The Russians put the first satellite into space that year.

So, you are currently in the lead.

Rehab, can you beat that? Let's have a look at your first one.

It's a good start. 1100AD.

The death of William II that year.

Let's have a look at your second one.

-GROANING

-Oh, this is bad news.

45,000BC!

Modern humans arrived in Europe round about then.

Oh, you're going to do well to come back from that.

1564 AD, so things have got a little better,

the birth of William Shakespeare that year,

but I'm afraid, Rehab, that leaves you with a total of minus 42,336.

And it's left you in third place.

Which means, our winner today, with 1,957 points, is Robbie.

And I hope you enjoyed all the games, Robbie,

because if you came for the fantastic prize at the end,

you're about to be MASSIVELY disappointed.

Come on, Rattus, what did you fish out of the Time Sewer for us today?

Well, Dave, you know how, for the Aztecs,

chocolate was a real status symbol?

They used it as an offering to the gods, you know,

-and even made a luxury hot chocolate drink.

-Yes, I know all that, Rattus.

Well, what better way to pay tribute to those ancient Aztecs

than with a slab of Aztec chewing gum?

Made from tree resin, crushed insects and tar.

Or, you could have given them some chocolate!

Oh, yeah. Didn't think of that.

Superb. There you go. I wouldn't touch that.

Marvellous, well done, Robbie,

and commiserations to Charlotte and Rehab,

who missed out on being today's number one,

and, sadly, will be going home through a river of number twos.

Yes, it's a trip to the Time Sewer for you two, I'm afraid.

Off you go, one last time.

Bye, hope you don't get too dirty!

If you want to play along at home next time,

don't forget to download the Gory Games app.

Urgh! This is gross!

Ha-ha-ha!

-Well, I've been Dave Lamb.

-And I've been adorable.

-In your dreams, Rattus!

-Oh, we hope you've enjoyed Gory Games. Goodbye!

Goodbye.