Episode 3 HH: Gory Games Play Along

# If mummies, rats and fleas ain't your thing

# And you don't like the sound of an exploding king

# If you're easily scared and don't laugh at poo

# Better turn off This show ain't for you

# Still watching? Then let's test your brains

# With Horrible Histories Gory Games

# Horrible Histories Gory...

# ..Games! #

Hello and welcome to Gory Games,

with me, Dave Lamb and...Rattus?

SNUFFLING

Sorry I'm late, Dave. Some autograph hunters were bugging me.

You should be very grateful to have fans at all, Rattus.

It's very rude to say they were bugging you.

Not if they're bugs, it's not.

They're all cockroaches.

I let them have an access-all-areas tour

of your dressing room.

Of course you did. Let's meet today's Horrible Historians.

-My name's Finn and I'm from Stockport!

-Hello, Finn.

-My name is Ella and I'm from London!

-Hello, Ella.

-My name is Teddy and I'm from Hertfordshire!

-Hello, Teddy.

Welcome, everyone.

And you can play along at home too using the Gory Games app.

Check out the CBBC website.

Right, you are here to win Year Spheres.

Yes, and at the end of the show, the person with the highest

year score will win a prize that I fished out of the Time Sewer.

So it's like a booby prize, really, only much, much worse.

Let's get cracking with the round I like to call

-the Let's Get Cracking Round.

-Genius! What's it all about?

Let's go over to the Gory Grid to find out.

It's the Frightful First World War.

So four questions on World War I coming up.

The person who gets the most right wins the first Year Sphere.

And your four World War I topics are...

-So, Teddy, which one of those would you like?

-Spies.

True or false? During World War I, a German spy was arrested after

putting up a poster at Portsmouth Harbour

asking for top-secret information.

So, during World War I a German spy was arrested after putting up

a poster at Porstmouth Harbour asking for top-secret information,

is that true or is that false?

Let's see your answers now, please.

Teddy and Ella have both gone for true, Finn has gone for false.

Let's find out what the answer is.

It's...true.

What a dummkopf! That's German for "idiot"...so they tell me.

So I can award Teddy one eyeball and I can award Ella one brain.

There it is.

No skulls for you as yet, Finn, I'm afraid, but that may well change.

-Ella, it's your turn to pick a topic.

-Conkers, please.

Is this true or false?

HE REPEATS QUESTION

Teddy and Ella agreeing again on false.

Finn going for true. Let's find out what the answer is.

It's...true.

Yes, indeed, 3,000 tons of conkers were collected.

They went conkers bonkers!

RATTUS LAUGHS

-Suit yourself.

-That's a point for you, Finn. Well done.

And it's your turn to choose a category. What will you have?

-Helmets, please.

-And that is a prop question.

Prop question, prop question!

ALL: Prop question, prop question, prop question!

All right, everyone, this bit used to be a bit of fun,

but now it's the part of the show where

I ask Rattus which cupboard the prop is in and he tells me

the wrong cupboard and I get hit by a booby-trapped boxing glove.

Oh, Dave, this time I promise

I will not lie to you about where the prop is.

It's in the top cupboard.

-All right.

-BOING!

-Rattus, you lied!

-No, that wasn't a lie, it was a guess.

I honestly don't remember which cupboard I put it in.

-Right...

-BOING!

Oh, yeah, now I remember, it's the bottom cupboard.

Thanks a lot, Rattus. I've worked that out for myself.

Here's the prop.

It is a helmet... which doesn't fit very well.

OK, true or false? From the start of the First World War in 1914,

all soldiers had steel helmets to protect their heads.

Is that true or is that false?

Show me your answers, please.

Ella and Finn going for true,

Teddy has gone for false.

I can tell you it is actually false.

This steel helmet was only introduced

to British troops in 1915.

-Do you know, that suits you, Dave?

-Thanks very much.

-But then anything that covers your face a bit suits you.

-Charming(!)

Congratulations, Teddy, another eyeball to you.

One question left in this round and it is a question on soldiers.

True or false?

At night, British soldiers always lit

three cigarettes at a time for good luck.

So what do you think?

Let's see those answers now, please.

They've all gone for false.

Let's see if they're all right or all wrong.

It's...false. We never lit three cigarettes in a row.

The enemy sniper would locate us when they saw the first match,

aim when they saw the second and fire when they saw the third.

Well, we all know that cigarettes will kill you eventually.

Congratulations, everyone, a point there

and looking at that, we can see that the eyeballs have it.

Teddy, you have won the first Year Sphere and it's time for me to say,

"All hail the Potty Pyramid!"

HEAVENLY MUSIC PLAYS

And if you're wondering why it's called Potty,

just smell the gas that's coming out of it.

RATTUS LAUGHS

Away you go, Teddy, help yourself, but do choose carefully

because while AD dates will be added to your total,

BC dates will be subtracted from it.

We'll all find out what's in that Year Sphere at the end of the show.

Winning the World War I quiz means that Teddy is

automatically through to play the World War I game,

but will he be alone or will the others get to join in too?

Let's find out.

It's a Single Player Silly Game,

so, Teddy, off down the sewer with you.

-Cor, it stinks!

-It does stink.

It's time to play...

..Flying Circus.

You are a British First World War fighter pilot, you must load,

aim and hit those enemy planes.

There's one point for every successful hit

and two points for taking down the infamous Red Baron.

Score six points in the time limit to win your Year Sphere.

Battle begins...now!

KLAXON BLARES

So, here we go, then. Teddy is going to play Flying Circus.

Look at him, Rattus, wobbling about from side to side in that aircraft.

He certainly is, Dave.

Oh, I have to say, Teddy there, for me, struck the Red Baron.

He struck the Red Baron, but the Red Baron did not fall out of the sky.

Well, that was an extraordinary moment.

Really bad luck there for Teddy,

but he's recovered his composure nicely.

There's his first hit and a terrific one it was too.

Will this be his second hit?

He's going to really need to pick up the pace now. Oh, that's a disaster.

What on earth happened there?

Well, maybe the pigeon put him off, maybe the pigeon put him off.

30 seconds remaining.

Just 30 seconds remaining now and

Teddy still needs five more hits.

I'll tell you what,

that carrier pigeon is risking life

-and limb to carry a very important message there.

-I hope not, Dave.

-It's stuffed and on the end of a string.

-There's another one down.

Another aircraft bites the dust, but he still needs four more

and there's only a few seconds left.

Oh, again that hit but it didn't go down.

I really don't think it's Teddy's day today.

-AIR RAID WARNING BLARES Time's up.

-But it's all over.

Bad luck, Teddy. Bad luck. Back behind your podium.

Oh, you didn't win yourself a Year Sphere, but that could be

a good thing cos you might have chosen a really bad one.

Right, it's time for Round Two.

To find out who's up next, it's back to the Gory Grid.

It's the Rotten Romans.

Four questions again and your four all-important Roman topics are...

So, Ella, it's your turn to pick first this time.

-What will you have?

-Poo, please.

-Poo. Of course you'll have poo.

And that is a question from Rattus Rattus.

What would Roman toilet cleaners do with the poo they collected -

A) sell it to the army to fling at the enemy,

B) sell it to builders to use as plaster for houses,

or C) sell to farmers to put on their fields?

DAVE REPEATS OPTIONS

Answer now, please. Well, everyone's gone for C.

Rattus, what's the answer?

The answer is C.

They sold it to farmers who would spread it on their fields.

Congratulations, everyone, that's a point each.

-It is your turn, Finn, to choose a category.

-Spots.

A Roman cure for spots was a mixture of honey and what?

HE REPEATS OPTIONS

Let's see those answers now, please.

Ella and Finn have gone for A,

Teddy, you've gone for B.

Let's find out what the answer is.

The answer is...

So, well done, Ella and Finn.

An extra point for you there. Bad luck, Teddy.

-It's your turn to pick a category.

-Punishments.

-Oh, dear, oh, dear.

-Rattus, this is a question from Death.

-No.

LIGHTNING FRIZZLES

Roman commander Civilis Galba decided to punish his troops for making

rude jokes about him by sending them to gather firewood on a hill known

to be infested with enemy warriors, but did what did Galba's soldiers do?

Ooh, now that's a tricky one. What do you think - A, B or C?

Everyone has gone for B.

Are they all right or all wrong?

The answer is B.

The soldiers collected the wood and used it to burn Galba's tent down

with him in it.

His plans certainly went up in smoke!

Up in smoke, get it? Yeah.

That's points for everyone.

Superb, and the final question in this round is on slaves.

See if you can get this one.

DAVE REPEATS OPTIONS

Let's see those answers.

Everybody has gone for A.

Let's find out if they're right.

The answer is A, tabellarii messengers.

So that's points for everyone and that means

that at the end of that round,

with two maximums, we have a tie.

Teddy, for now, you are history,

but, Ella and Finn, we are going to a tie-break situation.

Buzz in when you think you know the answer.

Beginning with the letter L,

what is the name of the Roman language? Ella?

-Latin.

-Latin is absolutely right. Well done, Ella.

CANNED CHEERING

Help yourself to a Year Sphere.

And whilst I shouldn't show you favouritism, I will tell you

that the biggest AD number can be found in the round one.

OK, Ella, as the winner of the Roman quiz,

you're through to play the Roman game.

But will it be just you or will the others get to play too?

Let's find out.

It's an All Play Gory Game. They're all going, "Yes!" over there.

-So, all of you, let's get down that Time Sewer.

-Oh, man!

Aaargh!

The Romans would do pretty much anything to win a battle.

It's time to play...

There's not much Romans wouldn't catapult into an enemy fortress -

rocks, beehives, and most unpleasant of all,

the severed heads of any defenders they'd captured.

Your challenge is to fire

as many missiles into your fortress target as possible.

-Ready, steady...

-KLAXON BLARES

So here we go then with Savage Siege

and the first weapons are being loaded up.

Teddy is going for a head and he's landed it. Oh, straightaway there.

Wow, that's remarkable, Rattus, straight off the mark.

There's Finn with a beehive.

Ping! And nobody scores.

It's three misses, how very disappointing.

Now it's rocks, beehives and severed heads here, Rattus.

Oh, and Ella lands a rock, so Teddy

and Ella are level-pegging on one apiece.

Teddy's gone for a severed head, good choice. Oh, but no joy.

I have to say, Dave, this game probably is my favourite,

certainly of all the games without poo in them.

You love your poo, Rattus. There's Finn, trying to get off the mark.

-The third rock in there.

-And Ella scores a second.

Oh, an excellent shot there. Finn responds with a second as well.

Now, here's Teddy with another beehive.

What did you do when you had a beehive land on your head, Dave?

Well, I've never actually had a beehive land on my head, Rattus.

Oh, sorry, I just assumed from the way you look, you know.

2-2-1, that's the score.

Rocks, beehives, severed heads all raining down. Look at that -

a study in concentration. Ella in there, that's why.

Oh, and Finn's got one too.

30 seconds remaining.

Finn goes in with a severed head

but Ella's landed a severed head and Finn's got another one!

Teddy there pulling back a rock, and that one disappeared,

I don't know where that went,

that could still be travelling, I think,

-Rattus, could still be travelling.

-RATTUS LAUGHS

-Oh, the second head.

-A second head indeed.

Ella a nose by a head... Sorry, ahead by a nose.

Very, very exciting, this. There's rocks

and heads raining down from all angles!

There's another one on its way. That could be crucial.

-I think that could be crucial!

-KLAXON BLARES

Time's up.

Another remarkable finish.

Welcome back, everyone.

That was incredibly close. I'm sure you want to know who has won that.

Definitely not me.

Well, Teddy, you're right, you came third,

but the winner of the Year Sphere is both of you.

You both ended up with six, so help yourself, please.

HEAVENLY MUSIC PLAYS

Look at that. Nice choosing, nice choosing.

OK, Round Three and it's over to the Gory Grid

to find out what's up next.

It's the Awful Egyptians.

Four questions as always, and here are your four Egyptian topics...

-So, Finn, what are you going to go for?

-Cleopatra, please.

True or false? Cleopatra married her father. Yeeeurgh!

Cleopatra married her father, is that true or is that false?

Show me your answers now, please. You've all gone for false.

Let's find out if you're all right or all wrong.

It's false. Phew!

She did marry her half-brothers, though,

Ptolemy 13th and 14th, who both died in suspicious circumstances.

Probable cause of death - Cleopatra.

You don't want to get on the wrong side of her.

Congratulations, everyone, a point there.

-Teddy, your turn to pick a category.

-Ramesses II.

True or false?

Ramesses II is believed to have had around 90 children.

HE REPEATS QUESTION

The boys agree on false, Ella thinks it's true.

Let's find out what the answer is.

It's true.

He had about 50 sons and 40 daughters. Phew!

Well done, Ella, you stuck to your guns there.

-OK, it's your turn to pick a category.

-Medicine, please.

-That is a question from Rattus Rattus.

-Certainly is. True or false?

Fly droppings were used as an ingredient

in some ancient Egyptian medicines.

HE REPEATS QUESTION

They've all gone for true. Rattus, what's the answer?

Oh, Dave, it's true. They also used ostrich poo and crocodile dung.

That's a point each. Lovely stuff.

-The final question in this round is on mythology.

-Is this true or false?

What do you think, is that true or is that false?

Let's see your answers. Well, Ella and Teddy agreeing on false.

Finn thinks that's true. Let's find out what the answer is.

-It's true.

-Excellent work.

Well done, Finn, but look at that. Bad luck again, Teddy.

For now, you're history,

while Ella and Finn compete in a tie-breaker situation.

Beginning with the letter P, what is the name of the huge stone...

-Ella.

-What?

Pharaoh.

Oh, it's a good guess, but you're out for now,

so, Finn, the whole question for you. Take your time.

Beginning with the letter P,

what is the name of the huge stone tombs used to house dead pharaohs?

Pyramid.

Pyramid. He didn't even need to press his buzzer.

Well done, Finn, you've won the next Year Sphere.

HEAVENLY MUSIC PLAYS

-That one.

-Nice choice.

So, Finn, you've won the Egyptian quiz, you're through to play the

Egyptian game, but will he be alone or will the others be joining him?

Let's find out.

Well, it's a Single Play game, Finn,

and I hope you're feeling brave

because it's very scary indeed down the Time Sewer.

Ohh! Eugh!

If you don't want to see intestines being yanked out of

someone's torso, then look away now, because it's time to play...

We have here one partially mummified pharaoh

but the embalmer went home before he finished the job.

Your challenge is to find and remove the stomach, liver,

intestines and lungs and put them in the correct canopic jars.

Yank the brain out through the nose and bin it.

Find the bladder and bin that as well.

But the heart must be left inside the body.

And your time starts in three, two, one.

KLAXON BLARES

So, here we go then with Mummify Me.

Finn trying to remove the organs from his mummy and put them

into the correct canopic jar, but, of course,

it's important that he leaves the heart behind

and puts the brains and the bladder in the bin provided.

He's straight in at the nose there.

Yes, he certainly has got a taste for brain.

He's gone in there with that enormous implement which

looks absolutely hideous, to be honest.

-Would you fancy that going up your nose?

-I certainly wouldn't, Dave.

Well, you certainly wouldn't find any brains in your head

if they did that, would they, Rattus?

So there's probably no reason for them to do it.

Sorry, fella, I didn't mean to insult your intelligence there.

That needs to go in the bin, Finn. That's it.

It was almost as if he responded to me there, Rattus.

I should point out that for those at home I'm not actually in contact

with Finn. It's the liver.

Will he match it to the correct canopic jar?

Or will he fry it up with some onions and have it as a light snack?

He's missed the chance to do that, but he has put it

in the correct canopic jar, so that's an excellent effort.

What's he going to find next?

There we go, that is the stomach,

that's looking yellow and stomachey.

He's now trying to find which canopic jar is matching

the picture to the organ.

SQUISHING

Oh, and the bladder! He's got the bladder.

Oh, he's punctured the bladder. Wee everywhere. There is wee everywhere.

He's gone back in for the intestines.

Oh, Rattus, am I seeing this?

Is this what is actually happening on a programme?

Oh, the last bit splats into his yellow shirt.

Thank heavens he's wearing protective goggles, cos there

must've been bowel juice everywhere, I'd have thought, Rattus.

But the intestines have been properly placed

and he's going back in. And he's back with the bladder.

Is he not covered in wee enough? Now that bladder needs to go in the bin.

-He's put it back in the body.

-He's put it back.

Slightly strange decision

and I don't know what he's hoping to find by the knees.

'30 seconds remaining.'

And there's the 30-second warning.

He's still got the lungs and the bladder to do.

Wait, no, that's the heart.

I think what he's done there, Rattus,

is confuse the bladder with the heart.

The bladder is out again, now where is he going with it?

What's he doing, other than spreading wee around the room?

-He's going...

-Maybe he's just scenting his area.

He might be marking his territory. What an unusual development.

There's only seconds left now.

He needs to bin that bladder and leave the heart in the body.

KLAXON BLARES

-Time's up.

-Oh, and it's an organ too far for Finn!

What a great effort that was. Shame about the bladder.

Welcome back.

Bad luck, Finn. You were so close there. What went wrong?

I just didn't, you know, realise that that was the bladder,

-not the heart.

-You gave the bladder a bit of a squeeze at one point.

-I know.

-Very bad luck.

So, it's the final round and that means it's over to the Gory Grid

one last time to find out what we've got.

It's the Measly Middle Ages.

No quirky quiz in our final round,

it's straight to our big All Play End Game, and it is a messy one.

-Oh, no, not again.

-All of you, get down that Time Sewer. Go on, Finn.

-It stinks in here.

-I know it does, Ella.

-Eugh!

It's time to go...

-Tell us, what is gong, Rattus?

-Dave, it's poo.

-It is poo.

Your job is to collect the gong from the cesspit,

carry it along your lane and slop it into your measuring cylinder.

Whoever collects the most gets the Year Sphere.

-Get ready, in three, two, one...

-KLAXON BLARES

And they're away. They are away.

They have to collect gong in those buckets,

bring it back the length of the runway

and then put it in their measuring cylinder,

and they all seem to be going very, very, very nicely indeed.

There's the first payload delivered there.

This game, of course, is Teddy's chance to grab himself

a second Year Sphere.

Ella and Finn both have two already.

So it's a good start, they're up and running.

Excellent start for all three of them there, Dave.

It's trouble-free gonging so far. Whoa!

Finn's down, while Ella and Teddy are bounding along their lanes.

That top gonging. What a lot of poop that is.

I haven't seen this much poop since, well,

-a couple of hours ago, actually.

-Oh, Rattus.

Don't you think your poo

would be even slippier if you'd eaten a banana skin?

Well, to be honest, Rattus, I don't know

and I don't intend to find out.

Oh, there goes Teddy. It's mighty slippy out there.

Finn, however, is doing very nicely.

It's almost as if he's done this before, Rattus. He probably hasn't.

I mean, where on earth would he have done it?

I think Ella has got a very good technique.

She's being very careful with the gong and delivering most of it.

As you can see from her score there, she's in the lead.

Teddy trying hard to get back on terms,

though, only a dribble of watery gong that time.

The poo in the cesspit would be gloopy and liquidy on top

but thick as you like on the bottom.

Talking of bottoms, our contestants are falling onto theirs.

It's getting super slippery, now, Rattus.

Ella's got a tiny lead, but can she keep it up? Yes, she can.

Of course, Rattus, some Middle Ages types would poo

directly onto the street, and that could happen here at any moment.

Oh-ho! Now things are going to get very slippery indeed.

Eugh!

And you have to say, the boys are really struggling here.

I don't think they can catch Ella, not in these conditions.

-They're all over the place.

-They simply can't stand up.

It does get very difficult when it's gongy underfoot.

-30 seconds remaining.

-Just 30 seconds to go.

And there's Ella, look at her. It's so slippery now.

Teddy has got to the end, let's see what he scooped up.

He really has had enough of this, I get the feeling, Teddy,

and who can blame him? Cos it's so, so slippery.

He's got another payload. What's this?

Let's see if Teddy can get up here.

No, he can't and that's all down his front.

No chance of delivering that now unless he wrings out his T-shirt.

KLAXON BLARES Time's up.

-And it's all over.

-And it's all over them.

-Welcome back, everybody. Wow!

-That stinks.

It does stink about as much as you were stinking a minute ago,

but I can announce that by quite a distance, the winner was Ella.

So, Ella, help yourself to a Year Sphere.

HEAVENLY MUSIC PLAYS

Good choice.

Or is it? It's time to count up the Year Spheres,

and remember the AD dates

are added and the BC dates are subtracted.

It's the moment of truth.

So, Teddy, let's open up that Year Sphere of yours

and see what we've got.

Oh, Teddy, Teddy, it's 2000 BC, the dawn of the Bronze Age

in Britain round about then.

Ella, let's see what you've got in yours.

60 AD, Boudicca rebelled

against the Romans that year.

Let's have a look

at that second one.

1649 AD, King Charles I

was beheaded that year.

Now the all-important third one,

-SHE TAKES A DEEP BREATH

-Let's have a look at it.

Oh, 264 BC,

the first Roman gladiator games.

That means you have a total of 1445.

That's what you got to beat, Finn.

Let's have a look at the first one.

1727 AD, George II became king that year,

which means you're in the lead

at the moment.

It all hinges on this last sphere,

let's open it up, Finn.

1533 AD, Henry VIII

married Anne Boleyn that year

and that means that, Finn,

you have a total of 3,260.

Finn is today's winner,

which means he'll be taking home the sort of prize that will have

all his neighbours saying,

"Did you see that awful prize they gave that kid next door?

"It were awful."

Because it's something terrible that Rattus has fished

-out of the Time Sewer.

-It's some ice cream.

-Woo-hoo!

-That actually sounds quite nice.

Yes, Victorian ice cream contaminated with dust, cat hair and lice.

-I stand corrected. There you go, Finn.

-Oh...thank you.

-Bon appetit.

Tuck in.

So, congratulations

to Finn and bad luck to our gallant runners-up, Teddy and Ella.

It's a trip to the Time Sewer for you two, I'm afraid.

Off you go. Bye.

-Uggh!

-Bye!

-Bye.

If you want to play along at home next time,

don't forget to download the Gory Games app.

RATTUS LAUGHS

-Well, I've been Dave Lamb, he's been trouble.

-I do my best.

And that was Gory Games. Goodbye.