Episode 15 HH: Gory Games Play Along

-You ready to go to the studio, Dave?

-Yeah, ready when you are.

-Rattus?

-Uh, I just need to go to the toilet.

PFFFFRT!

Right, ready.

# If mummies, rats and fleas ain't your thing

# And you don't like the sound of an exploding king

# If you're easily scared And don't laugh at poo

# You better turn off This show ain't for you

# Still watching?

# Then let's test your brains

# With Horrible Histories Gory Games

# Horrible Histories Gory...Games! #

Hello, and welcome to Gory Games, with me, Dave Lamb.

And me, Rattus Rattus, and I'd just like to say a big hello

to my family who've come along to watch today's recording.

-Really? How many of them?

-2,000.

And where are they watching it?

On the screen in your dressing room.

Don't worry! They won't make a mess!

They'll leave quietly the way they came in - through the toilet.

Let's pretend that's not actually happening,

and meet today's horrible historians.

Hi, I'm Eden and I'm from Shropshire.

Hello, Eden!

Hi! I'm Kiera, and I'm from Wiltshire!

Hello, Kiera!

Hi, I'm Jacob and I'm from Cardiff.

Hello, Jacob!

Welcome, everyone.

And you can play along at home too using the Gory Games app.

If you haven't got it yet, check out the CBBC website.

You lot are playing to win Year Spheres.

The person with the highest year score will win a prize, picked

out of the Time Sewer by the hygiene bypass that is Rattus Rattus.

You say that like it's a bad thing.

Right, time to get stuck in. What's our first round about?

Let's go over to the Gory Grid to find out.

It's the Vile Victorians. Good day!

So four questions on Victorians coming up.

The person who gets the most right wins the first Year Sphere, and your

four Victorian topics are...

So Jacob, you get to pick first this round, which of those do you fancy?

Er, Queen Victoria, please.

Let's see how clever you really are.

How many children did Queen Victoria have?

Show me your answers now, please.

It's come up BBC.

Jacob B, Kiera B, Eden C.

What's the answer?

The answer is...

Yeah, Queen Victoria had nine children, four boys and five girls.

That's nothing, my mum had 215 children.

100 boys, 114 girls, and nobody's quite sure about Bertie.

Yeah, don't talk about your family, please,

I'm trying not to think about what they're up to at the moment.

That's points, an eyeball for Jacob, a brain for Kiera.

Never mind, Eden, plenty of time to catch up,

and Kiera, it's your turn to pick a topic.

Um, Surgeons, please.

-Brace yourself.

-Yeah.

Because this is a question from Death!

LIGHTNING STRIKES

Well, hello there.

Parisian surgeon Dr Varlot invented a stupid thing to do to dead

human bodies, but what was it?

Everyone's gone for C, Death.

What's the right answer?

The answer is A. He electroplated them.

He dipped the body in an electrified liquid that coated it with

shiny copper!

I mean, I don't mind a bit of bling but that's taking it a bit too far!

So, no points there. Eden, it's your turn to pick a category.

Hunting, please.

Queen Victoria's son and heir, Edward VII,

was a huge fan of hunting.

He once chased a deer all across the countryside,

but where did they end up?

Answer that question.

Jacob thinks it's A, Kiera and Eden agree that it's B.

What is the correct answer, please?

The answer is C.

Edward finally caught up with the unfortunate deer

and shot it in the middle of a busy railway station.

Don't remember that scene in Bambi.

I think you'll find it's in the director's cut.

Bad luck again, everybody, only two points scored so far this round.

Here comes the final topic, it's on words,

and it's a question from Rattus Rattus.

In the Victorian era, what were "toshers"?

Was it A - people who dug up dead bodies to sell to doctors?

B - people who waded through sewers looking for dropped coins?

Or C - people who stole money from dead bodies in the Thames?

Show me now, please.

Jacob on his own with A, Kiera and Eden both think it's C.

Rattus, what is the actual answer?

Well, Jacob, Kiera and Eden, you are all wrong cos the answer's B!

Yes! Toshers went down sewers looking for coins

and valuables that might've been accidentally dropped down there.

Talk about a dream job!

Well, no points again,

and that means that at the end of that round we have a one-all draw.

Eden, just for now you are history.

Jacob and Kiera, we're in a tie-break situation.

Beginning with the letter D complete the name of the character

in Charles Dickens' book Oliver Twist, The Artful...

Jacob?

-Dodger.

-Dodger is absolutely right.

So Jacob, you have won the quiz, it's time for you to choose

your Year Sphere and time for me to say all hail the potty pyramid.

CHOIR SINGS

-Wow.

-Jacob, help yourself to a Year Sphere.

Pick carefully because AD dates will be added to your score,

but BC dates will be subtracted from it.

We'll find out what's in there at the end of the show.

Now, winning the Victorian quiz means that Jacob is

automatically through to play the Victorian game,

but will he be alone or will everyone get to join him?

Let's find out.

It's a single player scary game.

So it's off down the Time Sewer with you, Jacob.

Go on, off you go.

Geronimo!

In Victorian Britain, many children worked in factories.

The hours were long, the work was dangerous,

and accidents were common. It's time to play...

Your challenge is to make your way through the factory machinery,

find the four lost fingers, get back through the machinery and put those

fingers back on the hand within the time limit to win the Year Sphere.

And your shift starts now!

HORN BLOWS

Well, here we go with Factory Fingers and Jacob is already

through the mangle, he's off to a flier, isn't he, Rattus?

Certainly is, Dave, and he's already into the loom,

and he's loomed out the other side of the loom.

Through the loom! And look at that!

He's given them the most almighty swing! Very impressive indeed.

Oh, look out, Rattus, here comes the factory boss.

Hurry. Hurry up.

-He's an emotionless man.

-Hurry.

He's so stern. Thank goodness he's gone.

Frankly, that was terrifying,

but it hasn't stopped Jacob from getting the first finger.

He's done that very, very quickly indeed, very impressive.

He's not afraid to throw this equipment around, is he, Rattus?

He's certainly having a go at that gear.

He really is giving that an almighty pull,

and down, down, down, plunges a finger.

He's got it! He's back through the loom.

He's going very, very quickly, isn't he, Rattus?

-He certainly is, Dave.

-Now, there's a finger in there.

They just like to fish through these normally.

-Oh!

-Oh!

And he's poured the balls all over the place,

and there are cotton balls everywhere!

Jeff will not be happy about that, and still no sign of the finger!

Oh, but there it is!

Jacob has got the third finger and he's well on his way to the fourth.

Outstanding stuff!

Dave, the noise of Victorian factories was enough to make

-you go deaf.

-I'm sorry?

I said the noise in... Oh, I'm not playing that game with you.

30 seconds remaining.

So just 30 seconds left and he's got to get a wriggle on.

That's it, Jacob's released the fourth finger there,

but can he get through the mangle in time?

Oh, he's wedged!

Well, that's the genius of the mangle,

you can't hold all four fingers and get through it.

And now he's only got seconds to get them back on!

Can he arrange them perfectly? That looks a bit wonky.

-One! Two!

-That looks a bit wonky! That's facing the wrong way!

And that one is surely the fourth finger, but it doesn't matter,

he's got the fingers on the palm of the hand just in the nick of time.

Terrific work, help yourself to a Year Sphere.

Absolutely brilliant.

Jacob, that was never in doubt, superbly done,

two Year Spheres already.

So it's round two and to find out what's up next,

over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Awful Egyptians.

Four questions again

and here are your all-important Egyptian topics.

So, Kiera, what are you going to have?

Ramesses II, please.

True or false?

During the mummification of Ramesses II, his head fell off,

so the embalmers replaced it with a ball of bees' wax.

Is that true or false? Show me your answers now, please.

Well, Eden and Kiera think it's false, Jacob thinks it's true,

but what's the answer?

It's false!

His head did fall off, but they stuck it back on with a stick.

HE CHUCKLES

Excellent. Well done, Eden and Kiera that time, a point each.

Eden, it's your turn to pick.

Cleopatra, please.

Is this true or false?

Cleopatra's black lead eye make-up

also worked as a fly repellent. True or false?

Kiera and Eden have agreed again

with true this time,

Jacob thinks it's false, what's the answer?

The answer is...

it's true!

A brain for you, Kiera, and a skull for you, Eden.

Jacob, you could still catch up and, what's more, it's your turn to pick.

Er...Army, please.

True or false?

You could join the Egyptian army at ten years old.

You could join the Egyptian army at ten years old.

Is that true or is that false?

Eden and Jacob together this time,

they think it's false.

Kiera, pretty certain it's true. Let's hear the answer.

It's true!

Ten-year-olds would be flogged and made to train

until they did exactly what they were told.

Ah...

Any of you lot fancy joining the Egyptian army?

No.

No, I thought not. Still, that's a point to Kiera.

There is one question left in this round, and it's on Hunting.

Oh, no!

It's a prop question, which means I have to go over

to retrieve a prop from the cupboards

and inevitably get hit in the face

by one of Rattus's booby-trapped boxing gloves.

Oh, well, might as well go and face the inevitable.

Dave! Dave, are you all right?

Yeah, it's OK, it's OK, I'm OK.

I'm OK, I just fainted at the shock of not being hit by a boxing glove.

You fell over anyway?

So it would seem.

Thank you, Rattus, as ever.

Here is the prop and, as we can all see, that is a boomerang.

True or false? Egyptians would go out hunting ducks with boomerangs.

Show me your answers now, please.

Everybody's gone for true,

and I can tell you that it is...

true! If you hit a duck,

you'd then send out your specially trained cat to bring it back.

THEY LAUGH

So that's a point to everyone there,

which means that, with four out of four,

Kiera is the winner of the Year Sphere.

Help yourself, please, Kiera.

So, Kiera, as winner of the Egyptian quiz,

you're through to play the Egyptian game,

but will you be going it alone or will you have company?

Let's find out.

Ooh, it's an all-play brainy game,

so come on, the lot of you, get down that Time Sewer.

Lead us off, Eden.

Ugh! Ugh!

Ugh, disgusting!

It's a mystery how the great pyramids were built,

but it's safe to say they weren't built like this.

It's time to play...

Ten blocks, all you have to do

is work out which block goes where.

First to finish their pyramid in the time limit wins the Year Sphere.

So ready, steady, get building!

HORN

And they are off

and always the best thing with a pyramid

is to start at the bottom, isn't it, Rattus?

Yes, we start at the very bottom

and work our way to the very top.

It would be pointless starting at the top,

because you'd have to get the first piece to somehow hover in mid air.

I don't think they have the technology, Dave.

They certainly don't and they definitely wouldn't have done

in Egyptian times. Am I right? I think I am.

Eden there,

kicking his pyramid together,

imagine if it was that easy to make the real one, Rattus, just...

I'll just nudge it with my foot.

Now, hang on, where's Kiera going with that piece of pyramid?

Oh, no, wait, actually, I think

that's going to slide perfectly into position.

Well, it was a roundabout route, wasn't it, Rattus,

-but she's done it perfectly.

-Certainly was.

Meanwhile, look at Jacob!

He's already done the two bottom storeys of that pyramid.

I mean, fair enough, there are gaps all over the place,

but he's done it nonetheless, hasn't he?

And that final piece has slotted in a treat.

So, it looks like it's going to be a straight footrace for the finish

for Jacob and Eden,

the last few slabs going into place for both of them.

Of course, for practical reasons,

our pyramids are not to scale.

No, the real pyramids are much, much smaller, Dave.

Silly, silly Rattus.

Silly Rattus!

They are actually much bigger, of course,

and look at this, I think Jacob's got this one in the bag,

he just needs to place that final point.

Boom! He's done it!

He has built his pyramid first.

And the others can't quite believe it.

Well played, Jacob, help yourself to another Year Sphere. Good stuff.

Look at that, three Year Spheres already.

How did you find that, Jacob?

Difficult.

-You did it so fast!

-Yeah.

Have you done three-dimensional puzzles before?

Um...Rubik's Cube.

Rubik's Cube, well, that's a start, isn't it, Kiera? What do you reckon?

It's just really hard to pick up the big pieces,

you have to go, "Aarrgh!"

Like a monster. Like some sort of zombie.

OK, right, on to Round Three.

To find out what's up next, it's over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Rotten Romans.

So four questions then on Rotten Romans

and your all-important topics are...

And Eden, it is your turn to lead us off.

Music, please.

That is a question from Rattus Rattus.

Emperor Nero used to play an instrument.

Was it a Roman version of...?

Show me now, please.

Jacob thinks it's B,

Kiera and Eden both think it's C.

Rattus, what's the answer?

The answer is...

A! Nero played a Roman version of the bagpipes.

-I play a wind instrument, you know, Dave?

-Do you?

Yeah, the bum pipes.

HE FARTS

HE LAUGHS

So no points there, I'm afraid.

Jacob, it's your turn to pick a topic.

Um...Punishments, please.

Roman leaders took a dim view of soldiers running away from battle.

In 167 BC, Lucius Aemilius Paulus had a group of deserters...

A - trampled to death by elephants,

B - fed to tigers,

or C - pecked to death by ostriches?

Let's see your answers, please.

Jacob and Kiera agreeing on B,

Eden thinks it's A.

Let's find out the answer.

The answer is A.

They were trampled to death by elephants.

Ho!

A new flat-pack Roman army.

HE LAUGHS

What? Too soon?

Eden, congratulations, you have moved into the lead in this round.

Kiera, it's your turn to pick.

Baths, please.

Here comes your question.

Everyone's gone for B,

are they all right or are they all wrong? Let's find out.

The answer is...

C, Caldarium.

"Caldus" means hot in Latin.

And Rattus means foul-smelling in Latin.

Oh, compliments will get you everywhere.

That's backfired.

No points again, everybody, one question left in this round.

It is a question on dog bites.

A Roman cure for a dog bite was pills made from what?

A - frog intestines,

B - the skull of a hanged criminal,

or C - the bones of a bear?

Jacob's gone A, Kiera's gone C,

Eden's gone B,

they're in total disagreement here.

Let's find out who's right.

The answer is...

B, the skull of a hanged criminal.

Of course, everybody knows that!

Think I'd rather take my chances with the dog bite.

Eden, congratulations, that's a second skull,

which means you've won the round.

You already know what's happening next, don't you?

He's picking a Year Sphere.

And he's celebrating all the way back to his podium.

Well done, Eden, you have won the Roman quiz,

so you're through to play the Roman game,

but will you be going it alone? Let's find out.

It's a single-player gory game.

So, Eden, off down that Time Sewer on your own.

Ugh!

The Romans loved two things -

food and gladiator fights,

and since they won't let Rattus have a full-scale replica

of the Colosseum, it's time to play...

We have seven foods,

but only five are foods that were actually eaten by the Romans.

Your challenge - to work out which five.

Choose five items from the larder,

move them to the feasting table

and touch the drinking goblet to find out how many you've got right.

Keep trying different combinations until you get all five correct,

but be quick about it because the clock is ticking.

And your time starts now!

HORN

So here goes Eden playing Foul Food.

What's he going to go for?

Eyeballs.

He thinks that dodo eyeballs were eaten by Romans, Rattus.

-Oh!

-Is he right?

Well, he'll find out soon enough.

The peacock tongue goes down next.

Oh, I have to say I've never seen

anything quite like that before, Rattus.

Oh, now, what's he got here? Oh, it's a dormouse.

Oh, dear me, now the crow.

He has seen better days.

How do you feel about crows, Rattus?

RATTUS CAWS

Well, quite.

And a roasted guinea pig is down.

BURP

'You have three correct.'

Three correct, so he's got work to do.

Of course, dodos are now extinct, so those dodo eyeballs are fake.

Either that or we found the last living dodo on Earth

and are now in an awful lot of trouble.

So, back to the game, Rattus,

and what's he doing here?

He's taking off two correct items and replacing them

with another two that are correct. Oh!

BURP

'You have three correct.'

This is extraordinary, that he's managing to keep three right.

But he's moving so many items each time!

Onions have gone back.

Ooh, I'm not sure that's right.

Yeah, can't help figure that that's an awful mistake!

Tiny peacock tongues, big cabbage has gone off. What's going on?

There's a lot of jiggery-pokery going on here,

a little bit of rub-a-dub-dub.

-He's only going to confuse the issue, Dave.

-Yeah.

The crow's back, the crow is back,

and so now is the roasted guinea pig.

BURP

'You have three correct.

'30 seconds remaining.'

I keep saying this, Rattus,

but if you only change one at a time,

you can find out

what's right and what's wrong.

BURP

'You have three correct.'

Which, to be fair, he did do then

but, unfortunately, it didn't help him.

That's gone, the eyeballs,

but he didn't see that coming, eh, Rattus.

Sorry.

-He's in a flap, ah, now he's putting the roasted guinea pig back.

-Oh!

Time's ticking away here!

BURP

'You have four correct.

'Time's up.'

SIREN WAILING

-Oh, it was the guinea pig that got him.

-So close...

So close indeed.

Aah, welcome back.

Bad luck, Eden, bad luck.

That was tricky, wasn't it?

-Yeah.

-So yes, the Romans didn't eat guinea pigs or dodos,

but only because they didn't know that either existed.

Hey, Dave, you know what I once found in the Time Sewer?

-What?

-Some dodo doo-doo.

HE LAUGHS

Dodo doo-doo, and it's...cos it's er...alliteration.

Let's just hope that's not this week's prize.

It's the final round, so it's over to the Gory Grid

one last time to find out what we've got.

It's the Vicious Vikings.

Because it's our final round, there ain't no quirky quiz,

just one big all-play Viking endgame.

So come on, you lot, back down the Time Sewer.

Lead us off, Eden.

Ugh!

Go on, Kiera.

Whoo!

All is calm and peaceful on the island monastery of Lindisfarne,

but not for long! It's time to play...

You are defenceless monks trying to escape from pillaging Vikings,

but you need to be quiet about it.

Every time you step on a noisy floorboard,

you'll be sent back to the start.

At the end of the path are two doors. Behind one is freedom!

Behind the other...is a Viking!

Which means starting all over again.

The first person to escape will win the Year Sphere.

Ready, steady, go!

HORN

They have to find the one true path

across these floorboards,

which will all squeak

with their own distinctive noise.

And they've all started appallingly.

I'll tell you what's waiting

behind one of those doors, Rattus,

-well, I'll give you a clue.

-Give me a clue, Dave.

It begins with V and it rhymes with hiking.

It's a Viking.

Oh, that's clever!

I'll say this for you -

your taste in shirts is appalling,

but your wit is endless.

Yeah, there's nothing wrong with my shirts, Rattus.

Well, here comes Kiera and that's great technique,

she's being very slow and careful.

Remembering her route from last time.

Oh, no! She's gone wrong!

And she's giving that floorboard daggers.

Eden now. Oh, he seemed to compose himself like a rugby player

preparing for a conversion there, didn't he?

Not played rugby, have you, Rattus?

I'd be quite happy to use you as a ball.

But never mind that for now because Kiera's right at the end!

Maybe this could be it!

Oh, no! She's fallen at the last hurdle!

So perhaps this is Jacob's chance to get ahead. Or maybe not.

Kiera, look, she's remembered nicely here.

No, she hasn't, she's gone back.

It's a very frustrating game, this, isn't it, Rattus?

It certainly is, Dave,

it's really all to do with patience,

memory, memory, patience.

Yes, Rattus, and Kiera seems to have both those qualities in spades,

she's right at the end.

Now she just needs to choose a door without a Viking, here goes!

And it's freedom! It is freedom!

She does the double pot stir with two spoons!

Terrific work all round.

Yeah, that's it, help yourself.

Lovely. Nice.

Kiera, that was great.

-Thank you.

-Have you done things like that before?

-No.

Ever been chased by a Viking?

-No.

-And you weren't then either.

-No.

Terrific work.

It is time to count up those Year Spheres and remember,

AD dates are added to your total

and BC dates are subtracted from it.

It's the moment of truth,

so here we go.

Jacob, if you could open that first one for me, please.

Ooh, it's a good one.

1533 AD, Henry VIII married Anne Boleyn that year.

Let's have a look at the second one.

It's another good one.

1642 AD, the start of the English Civil War.

Let's have a look at your third one, could be crucial.

It's another positive one - 1914 AD,

the beginning of the First World War, of course.

That's a terrific score, Jacob, 5,089.

-You're going to have to go some to beat that, Kiera.

-Yeah.

Let's have a look at the first one.

1819 AD, so it's positive.

Queen Victoria was born that year.

Let's have a look at that second one.

Ooh, it's another AD, Roman Emperor Claudius invaded Britain that year.

Excellent work, it's not won,

but you have scored 1,862 points.

Now, Eden, bearing in mind

we're in the early 21st century at the moment,

you need 5,090 on that sphere, let's see what we can do.

Not bad! 1305 AD,

the execution of William Wallace.

And all that means that today's winner is Jacob with 5,089 points.

And we have...

Oh, I'm just going to level with you,

it's an absolutely horrific prize.

Excuse me,

it's the sweetest-smelling thing I've ever found in a sewer.

Yeah, but that's not saying much, is it?

It's a lovely bar of soap.

Ooh! Is that rosehip and lavender?

Sheep fat and ashes, it's Saxon soap.

Sheep fat and ashes.

There you go, Jacob, some disgusting-smelling soap for you.

-Thank you.

-Oh, no, our pleasure to get rid of it.

Commiserations to our runners-up, Kiera and Eden,

who'll be needing some proper soap after their journey home,

as we're going to flush them down the Time Sewers.

Off you go, the pair of you.

Yeah!

Oh, you're jeering now.

Try not to swallow any!

Ugh!

If you want to play along at home next time,

don't forget to download the Gory Games app.

HE LAUGHS

Ugh! Uh!

HE LAUGHS

Well, I've been Dave Lamb.

And I've been Rattus Rattus.

-You've been watching Gory Games. Goodbye!

-Goodbye!

Did we get that wrong?

No...they'd have made us do it again.