Episode 1 HH: Gory Games Play Along

# If mummies, rats and fleas ain't your thing

# And you don't like the sound of an exploding king

# If you're easily scared and don't laugh at poo

# You better turn off This show ain't for you

# Still watching? Then let's test your brains

# With Horrible Histories Gory Games

# Horrible Histories Gory...

# Games! #

Hello, and welcome to Gory Games with me Dave Lamb

and my assistant Rattus Rattus.

The talking rat and the talking Lamb.

This is the show where you get to test your knowledge

of Horrible Histories with quirky quizzes and gory games,

so let's meet our horrible historians.

-Hi, I'm Ashley.

-Hi, Ashley.

-Hi, I'm Rowan.

-Hi, Rowan.

-Hi, I'm Zeke.

-Hi, Zeke.

And you can play along at home too using the Gory Games app.

If you haven't got it yet, check out the CBBC website.

Ashley, Rowan, Zeke, you are playing to win Year Spheres.

Each Year Sphere contains a historical date.

At the end of the show, your Year Sphere dates

will be added up, with AD dates being added to your total

and BC dates being subtracted from it.

So if these were your Year Spheres, your total would be, Rattus?

I'm not allowed to do maths for medical reasons.

Medical reasons?

Yes, maths could make my brain explode.

735 is the answer.

The person with the highest year count

will win today's star prize.

Believe you me, it's brilliant!

-Is it?

-Yeah, yeah.

-I sincerely doubt it.

Let's crack on, and to find out what this round is about,

it is over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Gorgeous Georgians.

Your four Georgian topics are...

Ashley, it is your turn to pick first in this round.

Pick a topic, please.

-George III.

-George III.

When King George III became ill, he started doing odd things.

Which of these did he supposedly do?

A, claim to be king of the moon,

B, try and grow a beef tree,

or C, where his shoes on his hands and his gloves on his feet?

So, is it A, B or C?

Let's see your answers now, please.

There we go. Three Bs.

You are all in total agreement with each other.

Let's see if you're right or not.

The answer is B.

He planted some beef in the ground

thinking that it would grow into a beef tree.

I am no expert on farming, but I don't think that's how it's done.

-HE LAUGHS

-No, no, no.

That is not how it is done,

but that is a very good start from all of you.

You are all off the mark with a point apiece.

Rowan, it is your turn. Pick a topic for us, please.

Crimes.

The question is...

What do you think? A, B or C?

Let's see your answers now, please.

A from Ashley and Rowan. C from Zeke. Let's see who is right.

The answer is C, Australia.

It had recently been claimed for Britain

by our Georgian Explorer, Captain Cook.

Well done, Zeke. Excellent work. You have forged into the lead.

Still plenty of time to go in this round, though.

Don't panic, everyone. Don't panic.

Zeke, it's your turn to choose a question.

George II.

Where did King George II die?

A, in the middle of a banquet,

B, while riding his horse,

or C, on the toilet?

Was it A, in the middle of a banquet,

B, while riding his horse,

or C, on the toilet?

Well, the boys going for A.

Rowan going for C.

The answer is C.

He died on the toilet.

-HE LAUGHS

-No, really, I shouldn't laugh.

No, no, no.

LAUGHING: He died on the toilet.

-LAUGHING:

-He died on the toilet.

That's not funny.

RATTUS LAUGHS

Sorry, unprofessional of us.

The final question in this round is on cures.

It is a question from Rattus Rattus.

Thank you, Dave.

A Georgian cure for being bitten by an adder

was to put what over the bite wound?

Was it A, warm chicken guts,

B, the grease from a badger,

or C, a cowpat?

It is either A , B or C.

Well, look at that. Rowan and Zeke going for A.

Ashley out on his own with B.

Rattus, put us out of our misery, what is the answer?

A.

Georgians would kill a chicken

and put its warm guts over the snakebite.

That's utter nonsense, isn't it?

Although, warm chicken guts are a very good cure for hunger.

-Yes, one word - yuck.

-One word - yummy.

-Two words - bad taste.

-Two words - delicious taste.

-Three words - let's stop this.

-Two letters - OK.

-Good.

That is the end of the round.

What we see from our abacus of score

is that Zeke and Rowan

have tied it on three points each.

Ashley, for now, you are history.

The other two of you, put your fingers on the buzzer,

because we are about to have the first buzzer question.

Beginning with the letter G,

what is the name of the famous head-chopping device

used to execute posh people in the French Revolution?

TOILET FLUSHES Zeke.

Guillotine.

Is correct. You have won the quiz, time to choose a Year Sphere.

You had better hope it doesn't contain a Stone Age date,

which could be worth about one million minus points.

Push, push, push, push.

Right, Zeke, come and pick your Year Sphere.

Any one you like.

-That one? Are you sure?

-Sure.

-Okey-kokie.

So, winning the quiz means that Zeke is automatically through

to play the Georgian game,

but will he be alone or will everyone get to play?

Let's find out.

It is a single-player silly game.

So, Zeke, it is off down the Time Sewer with you.

Go on, fella. It stinks, by the way.

-Ew, that does stink as well.

-I told you.

He's gone.

It's the 21st of October, 1805,

and Lord Nelson has just sent a signal from his flagship saying,

"England expects that every man will do his duty",

but will you do yours?

It is time to play...

You are a British Navy gunner.

Your mission? To load, aim and fire your cannon at the enemy ships.

You score a point for every enemy ship you shoot,

and lose a point for every British ship you hit.

Score six points in the time limit

to win your Year Sphere.

Battle begins now.

HOOTER SOUNDS

So here comes Zeke to try his hand

at the Battle of Trafalgar.

Remember, that platform he's on

is going to wobble around

as if it's a ship at sea, Rattus.

Oh, he is off already.

He is off already,

and that is one Spanish galleon taken out.

He needs six, of course,

to win himself the Year Sphere.

Six, and no misses

against the British ship, there.

That would be a terrible mistake.

Yeah, we don't want to see any friendly fire.

But we do like to see the French getting sunk in this game.

So, he loads up the cannonball.

-Are they cannonballs?

-They are cannonballs.

That is rather unfortunate,

cos I ate two of them this morning

thinking they were doughnuts.

Yeah, that must have challenged

your teeth slightly, did it?

Not answering me.

Broken teeth. Bang. Three down.

We just have to mention the seagull

is getting involved again.

He really is going to get hurt,

isn't he, that seagull?

He wants to get out of there.

It's all right, he's a stunt seagull, Dave.

As long as he has been properly trained,

then that is fine.

There is another cannonball going in.

Zeke is doing quite well, here.

It is getting very close.

He needs one more to do it.

You hear lots of stories about rats

leaving sinking ships, is that fair?

Absolutely. Any rat with half a brain

will leave a sinking ship.

The rule of thumb is if you see a load of rats in the sea,

jump in and swim with them.

If you can gather enough of them together,

you can build yourself a raft.

Fascinating stuff, Rattus.

There it is. Zeke has done it.

Welcome back, Zeke. Well played. Collect yourself a Year Sphere.

Oh, yay.

During the Battle of Trafalgar, the British lost 1,666 men,

compared to the French and Spanish navies,

who lost nearly 14,000.

How many more is that, Rattus?

Hold on, I have written it down.

735.

-Is the right answer.

-Get in.

-To the wrong question.

That is the answer to the Year Sphere sum

from the top of the show.

Anyway, suffice to say, Trafalgar was a British military triumph.

-734?

-Moving on.

It is time now for us to find out what's up next.

Let's go over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Terrible Tudors.

Here are your all-important Tudor topics...

Rowan, it is your turn to pick first this time.

-Wives.

-Wives.

I agreed to marry Anne of Cleves after being shown a picture of her.

When I actually met her,

she turned out to be far uglier than the picture,

so what was my nickname for Anne of Cleves?

Let's see your answers now, please.

Total agreement. Bs across the board.

Let's find out if you are right.

The answer is B, the Flanders Mare,

as in a horse,

because she looked like a horse.

-LAUGHING:

-Brilliant.

Why the long face?

Because you look like a horse.

So that is a point apiece.

Zeke, your turn to pick a topic.

-Elizabeth.

-Elizabeth.

My daughter Elizabeth I had a terrible temper.

No idea who she got it from.

What did she once throw at Sir Francis Walsingham's head?

Was it A, a cushion,

B, a slipper,

or C, an axe?

The boys agreeing with B.

Rowan going for C. Let's find out who is right.

The answer is...

B. She threw a slipper at him.

Hit him, too. That's my girl.

Brilliant.

The boys edging slightly ahead.

Still two questions left in this round though.

Ashley, your turn to choose a topic.

I'd like to pick Plays, please.

See what you make of this one.

So who played the female parts and Shakespeare's plays?

Was it A, William Shakespeare himself,

was it B, female actresses,

or C, teenage boys?

Let's see your answers now, please.

The boys agreeing again on C. Rowan out on her own with A.

Let's find out what the answer is.

The answer is C.

The female parts in Shakespeare's plays

were played by teenage boys.

And one of our boys is going to win a Year Sphere

at the end of this round, which will it be?

One topic left in this round, that is Cures.

It is a question from Rattus Rattus.

Which of these was not a Tudor cure for baldness?

A, smearing the head with a horse droppings,

B, washing the head with the juice of beetles,

or C, smearing the head with the grease of a fox?

Oh, I love this question.

A complete spread of answers.

All gone for different things.

Rattus, who is right?

A, smearing their head with horse droppings,

That was not a Tudor baldness cure.

Oh, by the way,

beetle juice mixed with fox grease

makes a delicious pudding.

THEY GROAN

Unnecessary, Rattus.

Well, that is the end of the round.

Ashley and Zeke, you have tied with three points apiece.

Rowan, you're history for now, I'm afraid.

But the other two of you, fingers on buzzers, please.

Beginning with the letter D, what is the surname

of the famous Tudor sailor who defeated the Spanish Armada?

TOILET FLUSHES Zeke.

I think it is Drake.

It is Drake. Congratulations, Zeke.

Well done, you have won yourself another Year Sphere.

Pop round and collect it for me.

As the quiz winner, you're also through to play the Tudor game,

but will it be just you or will the others play too?

Let's find out.

It's a single-player brainy game.

I'm sorry, Ashley. Your time will come.

So will yours, Rowan.

Let's get back down that Time Sewer. You know the way.

Seven famous Tudor types,

five of them were beheaded on Henry's orders.

Only two died of natural causes.

And no, an axe didn't count as a natural cause,

even during Henry's reign.

It is time to play...

Your challenge? To work out which five were beheaded.

Choose five names and move them to the beheaded board.

Then touch the severed Tudor head

to find out how many you have got right.

Keep trying new combinations of names

until you have got all five, but you've got to be quick.

You are against the clock.

Your time starts now.

HOOTER SOUNDS

So here goes Zeke on the Axe Factor.

What he has to do here, Rattus,

is work out which five of these people

were executed by Henry VIII.

Don't forget, you can play along at home

using the Gory Games app.

Well, it is an encouraging start.

He has got two names up there already.

He is weighing up his options here. I like to see this.

I like to see a player

thoroughly think through their tactics before acting.

It pays dividends. Jane Boleyn.

The whole Boleyn family going up there, by the look of it, Rattus.

Henry VIII did not like those Boleyns.

There is Katherine Howard.

This actually looks good to me.

You have all five right.

The severed head confirms it. Zeke has five out of five,

and he has won a Year Sphere.

Zeke, congratulations.

Pick another Year Sphere.

So, Anne Boleyn, Henry's wife was famously beheaded.

And George Boleyn, Anne's brother, got the chop, too.

As did Jane Boleyn, his wife.

It looks like Henry was trying to collect the whole Boleyn set.

Probably Henry's favourite game, that. Unhappy Families.

-LAUGHING:

-Unhappy...

You're funny.

So it's over to the Gory Grid to find out what's up next.

It's the Measly Middle Ages.

Here are your four Middle Ages topics.

So, Zeke, it is your turn to pick first this time.

-Death.

-Death.

True or false?

After Henry II heard that Thomas Becket,

Archbishop of Canterbury, had been murdered,

he threw a massive party.

After King Henry II had heard that Thomas Becket had been murdered,

he threw a massive party.

Is that true or is that false?

Let's see those answers now.

OK. Ashley and Rowan going for true.

Zeke out on his own with false.

Let's find out what the answer is.

False.

Henry felt really guilty about Becket's death,

and walked all the way to Canterbury

where he was ceremoniously whipped by monks.

Oh, Zeke off to another flying start.

Ashley, your turn to pick a topic.

Meal Time.

Meal Time.

True or false?

According to our Middle Ages table manners,

it was OK to spit onto the table at mealtimes.

Was it OK, in the Middle Ages, to spit over the table at mealtimes?

True or false?

The boys going for true, Rowan going for false.

-Let's hear what the answer is.

-It's false. It was not OK.

It is quite disgusting,

although it was OK to spit onto the floor at mealtimes.

Obviously.

So, Rowan and Zeke, you have a point apiece.

Still time to catch up on this round, Ashley. Don't panic.

Rowan, it is your turn to pick a topic.

-Clothes.

-That is the question from Rattus Rattus.

Well, thank you. True or false?

In castles, clothes were kept in the toilet.

Thank you, Rattus. So, true or false?

In castles, clothes were kept in the toilet.

This might be my favourite question ever.

Let's see that answer now, please.

Well, Ashley and Rowan going for a true. Zeke on his own with false.

What is the answer, Rattus?

It is true. The castle toilet was called the garderobe,

because it guarded robes.

Apparently the smell of poo and wee kept the cloth-eating moths away.

On the minus side, of course,

your clothes did stink of poo and wee.

No, it is not perfect, no.

It is not ideal, they have not thought that through properly.

-Not really.

-OK, final topic of this round is Tournaments.

True or false?

Famous knight Sir William Marshall once failed

to accept one of his jousting prizes

because his helmet was stuck on his head.

So, what do you think? Is that true or is that false?

Let's see your answers now, please.

Ashley and Rowan again agreeing on true.

Zeke out on his own with false. What is the actual answer, please?

It's true.

His helmet had been dented in the tournament,

and he was at the blacksmiths having it prised off.

What he really needed, of course, was a can opener.

RATTUS LAUGHS He loves it.

That means that, Rowan, at the end of that round,

you have won in your first Year Sphere.

Please collect it now.

Rowan, you are definitely through to play the Measly Middle Ages game,

but will you be playing alone or will everyone get to play?

Ashley is actually praying.

He wants to play. Let's find out if he will.

It is an all-play Gory Game.

Right, off down the Time Sewer with the lot of you. Lead the way, Zeke.

Down you go, Rowan.

Oh, it still stinks in here.

It's disgusting!

William the Conqueror's funeral didn't exactly go according to plan.

His servants stole his treasure and the church burned down.

It is time to play...

You are William's servants.

Your challenge is to take his treasure and put it in your chest.

All the treasure is colour-coded. You must only take your own loot.

Who ever collects the most pieces wins the Year Sphere.

And you'd better be quick,

because the church is going to burn down.

You time starts now.

HOOTER SOUNDS

So, Ashley, Rowan, Zeke - all about to attempt Yuckaroo.

Remember, they have to get their own colour-coded treasure

into their own chests here. That is the point.

Ashley has made a very good start. Zeke has now levelled.

It is one apiece.

Actually, the boys are showing a real aptitude for thieving here.

Well, I was just thinking anyone who has just tuned in

might think they are watching

the weirdest ever Crimewatch reconstruction.

That is a very good point, actually. We are not Crimewatch.

We should say that.

We might be on Crimewatch soon if we keep this kind of thing up.

There is every chance.

Actually, I really want to point out

that we are not encouraging thieving here,

even from a dead tyrant.

It is a bang out of order, don't do it.

Oh, I forgot to mention...

BOOM! ..that. It is too late now.

William the Conqueror's guts are going to explode.

I should have mentioned that. Bad, bad commentator.

Bad Rattus for not reminding me.

The boys - oblivious to it, they carry on with their thieving,

but Rowan, that has affected Rowan, that explosion,

she has dropped back. She doesn't want to go near that coffin.

She doesn't want to get covered in blood and guts,

and why on earth should she? BELL RINGS

-30 seconds remaining.

-There's the bell.

Thank you. 30 seconds remaining. It is neck and neck for the boys.

Rowan doesn't look like she is going to take much more treasure here.

Having said that, she has got a bit at the end there

that she is comfortable with. She is working away feverishly.

She's got it, but the building is now on fire.

The building is on fire. They have got to get out of there.

This game is nearly over.

They need to get out of there quickly and finish the job.

HOOOTER SOUNDS

There's the hooter, the game is over.

That piece won't count from Zeke,

which means the boys have finished all square.

Welcome back, Gory Gamers. Back behind your podiums.

Rowan, you have three pieces, one of which was the wrong colour,

so you actually got two points.

Ashley and Zeke, you got four each.

Ashley, help yourself to a Year Sphere.

Zeke, help yourself to a Year Sphere.

William's fat body really did explode at his funeral.

His burial was too long after his death,

and his body has bloated due to the warm weather.

It must have been the most disgusting thing ever.

I take it you have never seen a rotten horse carcass explode.

That is even more brilliant.

In many ways, we are so very different, aren't we, Rattus?

We are.

Time for the final round.

Over to the Gory Grid one last time to find out who we have got.

It is the Vile Victorians. Good day.

Ah, well, no quirky quiz in our final round,

it is straight to our big all-play game,

and what a scary one we have got for you.

Everybody, get back down that Time Sewer.

Well done, Zeke.

There we go.

Cheerio, Ashley.

-Manky.

-Oh, it stinks.

When Queen Victoria was no more than a child,

grave robbing was a common crime.

The bodies were sold to surgeons,

who wanted to learn more about how the human body works.

It is time to play...

Your Vile Victorian challenge

is to steal three bodies from the graveyard.

Get them through the railings, onto the carts,

find the keys to the cemetery gate,

and get them onto the surgeon's table.

If you hear this noise... WHISTLE BLOWS

..then you must rush back to the cemetery

and hide so the policeman doesn't spot you.

A second whistle means you can go again.

The first person to get all their bodies to the surgeon's table

and grab their dodgy money is the winner.

Three, two, one...

HOOTER SOUNDS

So here we go with Victorian grave-robbers.

Through the railings, then.

Zeke's going for the

hold-it-round-the-back-and-yank-it technique.

It is almost like he is trying to do

the Heimlich manoeuvre there, Dave.

It is a bit late for that.

It certainly is.

I don't think that corpse

has any chance of coming back to life.

Rowan, unfortunately, is stuck here.

Oh, well done. Well done, Rowan.

Now onto the wobbly trolley.

Onto the wobbly trolley.

Ashley has made it to the railings.

Now he has got to unlock that gate.

There he goes. Oh, he is like a safe-cracker, isn't he?

He just needs to take the body

off the trolley now

and get it through that gate.

Oh, dear me.

He thinks he has got to wheel the trolley in.

Well, you know, he is not going to get

penalised for that.

I have to say that trolley's not

-hampered him.

-It has not yet.

-He is off.

-He's off and running.

He has got one corpse and he has gone back for another.

He is hungry for corpse. Why shouldn't he be?

WHISTLE BLOWS

Now there is the policeman's whistle.

They have got to get out of sight very, very quickly here.

They need to make...

I would hurry up if I were you, Rowan.

You need to make no sound at all,

because if you get caught grave robbing,

you are looking at life imprisonment.

I will actually drop my voice a little bit here as well,

just in case I were to give them away.

He is a very, very efficient-looking policeman.

WHISTLE BLOWS

Well, he has missed them, though.

He has missed them. They have escaped life imprisonment.

That is good news. Back to the grave robbing.

Zeke is rifling through his trousers there, looking for the key.

Zeke, notice, didn't take

his trolley through, and as a result,

has made up quite a bit of ground, there.

There is a bit of a fog in the air.

There was always a bit of a fog

back in those days.

Fogs used to come down and just settle -

all sorts of shenanigans you could get away with

that under the cover of the fog.

This sort of caper for a kick-off.

Bit of fog, grave-robbers are out in force.

Thank goodness for us they were,

because we wouldn't have this game.

Now, then, where are we?

Zeke is wrestling with a man

who looks like he has just played golf.

Oh, and he is off his trolley.

-He is off his trolley.

-Oh, dear me.

But there we go.

Ashley is still doing very well.

He is still insisting on taking that trolley.

You see, this is where

it is going to cost him,

because Zeke has just nipped through

with that second body.

Down now for the third corpse, Ashley.

But he has been caught.

He has been caught by Zeke now.

Rowan is struggling with her trolley.

I should point out at this stage

that the trolleys have an off-centred wheel.

That is not accidental.

We have fixed the trolley

so they are almost impossible to push evenly

across the terrain.

You are absolutely right.

It is very interesting to see the different strategies there.

Zeke going backwards, Ashley going forwards,

and now Zeke is in the lead.

Ashley is still bringing his trolley through the gate.

That is really going to cost him, because Zeke has the bag.

All he has to do now is get the trolley back down the other end,

slip through the railings and he has won it.

Ashley is nowhere to be seen.

Zeke passes through the railings like a ghost,

celebrates in a slightly muted way.

You have to see, Ashley will be kicking himself

when he watches that back.

Welcome back. What a good game. Very good game.

Zeke, you have won yourself another Year Sphere.

You have got nowhere to put it.

I suggest you grab yourself one and give it to me to hold on to.

There we go. I will look after that. I am going to leave it right there.

It is not going to be tampered with. That is your Year Sphere.

No-one has ever beaten the podium before.

Excellent work.

Before we go on, can I just point out to viewers that however

badly you're doing in school,

grave-robbing is not a sensible career option.

-I think they knew that.

-Well, you'd hope so, wouldn't you?

So, time to count up those Year Sphere.

Remember, AD dates are added to your total and BC dates are subtracted

from it, so you can still win if you get lucky with the spheres.

Ashley, let's open up your sphere.

1852 AD.

London's first flushing loo opened to the public.

Ashley, that gets you 1852 points.

Rowan, let's see what you have got.

Can you beat Ashley?

Oh, dear me! It's 10,000 BC.

Oh, Stone Age man domesticated dogs that year.

Around about then, anyway.

Zeke, let's see what you have got

starting with that one.

1776 AD.

United States' Declaration of Independence.

1533 AD.

Henry VIII married Anne Boleyn.

1815 AD, the Battle of Waterloo.

1945 AD, the end of the Second World War.

The fifth one.

1607 AD, Jamestown colony founded in America.

Is it going to be spoiled by this Sphere?

I am going to let you open it.

Let's have a look at it.

122 AD, Hadrian's Wall built.

That means that you have a massive 8,798 points.

-That is a big number.

-That is a big number.

It means that you are today's winner,

which means you win the star prize,

which, despite me constantly telling him it's not good enough,

has been plucked out of the Time Sewers

by my hairy friend here.

What is the big prize then, Rattus?

Will, today's prize is the perfect family pet.

Yes, all the way from an ancient Egyptian pyramid,

it's your very own mummified cat.

-A dead cat.

-Yes, and, speaking as a rat, that is the best kind of cat.

I'm sorry, viewers, I will be having stern words afterwards.

Here you go, Zeke. Well done.

Apologies for the standard of the prize.

It just remains for me to say thanks to our winner, Zeke.

Thanks to our runners-up, Ashley and Rowan,

and no thanks whatsoever to Rattus.

Happy to help.

You've been watching Gory Games. Goodbye.

So, did you know all the answers?

Then prove it.

Next time, why not play along

by downloading the Gory Games app

from the CBBC website?

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