Episode 2 HH: Gory Games Play Along

# If mummies, rats and fleas ain't your thing

# And you don't like the sound of an exploding king

# If you're easily scared

# And don't laugh at poo

# You'd better turn off This show ain't for you

# Still watching?

# Then let's test your brains

# With Horrible History's Gory Games

# Horrible History's Gory Games. #

Hello and welcome to Gory Games with me, Dave Lamb,

and my glamourless assistant Rattus Rattus.

Did you just say glamourless?

-Yes, I did.

-Huh!

This is the show where you get to test your knowledge

of Horrible Histories with quirky quiz questions and Gory Games,

set by the country's finest historical brains and Rattus Rattus.

The cheek.

Without further ado let's meet today's Horrible Historians.

Hi, I'm Jeevan.

Hi, I'm Kate.

Hi, I'm Billy.

Good hellos all round.

And you can play along at home too using the brilliant Gory Games App.

If you haven't got it yet go to the CBBC website.

Right. Jeevan, Kate and Billy, you're playing for Year Spheres.

Each Year Sphere contains a historical date

and at the end of the show your Year Spheres will be added

together with AD dates being added to your total, and BC dates

being subtracted from it. Do you see what we've done there?

It's very clever.

So if these were your Year Spheres your total would be, Rattus?

Er, more than some, but less than lots.

735.

Like I said.

At the end of the show the person with the highest score will

win a fantastic prize as selected by yours truly.

Yes, I wouldn't get too excited about that.

Right, let's get cracking,

and to find out what this round's about it's over to the Gory Grid.

Arr! The Putrid Pirates it be.

And your four pirate topics are...

So, Jeevan, you get to pick first this round. Which takes your fancy?

-Can I have Rules, please?

-Rules it is.

True or false?

Black Bart had strict rules onboard his pirate ship.

One of the rules was that it was

lights out at eight o'clock every night.

True or false?

Ooh, ooh. It's coming, it's coming.

RASPBERRY

Let's have your answers, please.

Well, a clean sweep of trues. Let's find out what the answer is.

It's true.

Lights and candles had to be put out at eight,

though I can just put the lights out by putting my hand

over my good eye.

Oh! Sorry, I'm afraid of the dark.

Yes, slight misunderstanding there, but well done you lot.

Three points scored.

Kate, your turn to pick a topic.

Can I have Superstitions, please?

True or false? Us pirates would never eat sea turtles,

it was considered bad luck.

Pirates would never eat sea turtles,

it was considered back luck.

Let me see your answers now, please.

-Another clean sweep.

-Sweep, clean sweep.

All going for true. Let's hear what the answer is.

It's false. Sea turtles were delicious,

so bad luck for them, they were ideal food for long voyages.

Just flip them on their backs and they couldn't go anywhere.

So, Billy, it's your turn to pick a topic. Away you go.

Medicine, please.

You'll be delighted to hear that this is a prop question.

Oh, I like a prop question.

-Here it comes. Here comes the prop.

-What have you got?

Look at that. Now, that is a small old saw.

True or false - aboard a pirate ship

the ship's carpenter was often in charge of surgery?

RATTUS LAUGHS

So what do you think? Is that true or is that false?

Let's see your answers now, please.

Oh, all three going for true.

And I can tell you you're absolutely right.

Few pirate ships had doctors

and carpenters were very good with a saw so they did all the amputation.

They could saw off your leg

and make you a nice wooden one straight away afterwards.

Simple. Oh, sorry, Rattus, I'll put that down.

Thank you.

So a final question of this round.

And it is a question from Rattus.

Hm? Oh, yes. Ha-ha-ha! Is this true or false?

A Georgian pirate once became an archbishop?

Is that true or is that false?

A Georgian pirate once became an archbishop? Let's see your answers.

Oh, gone for the same again. This is uncanny.

-It is uncanny.

-They've all gone for true.

Well, it is true, well done all of you.

Lancelot Blackburne went from being a pirate

to becoming Archbishop of York.

Bet you wouldn't want to go sleep during one of his sermons.

Absolutely not.

Right, because it's all square in this round

we now have the buzzer question.

Beginning with the letter B, what is...?

GURGLING

Hello. Billy, what do you think?

-Blackbeard.

-Let's hear the full question to see if you're right.

Beginning with the letter B

what is infamous, bloodthirsty pirate Edward Teach better known as?

Blackbeard was absolutely right and that means that

Billy has won the quiz

and it's time for you to choose your Year Sphere from the Trolley Wally.

Oi, do you mind?

Push, push, push, push, push.

Well done, Billy. Come and choose

your Year Sphere, any one you want.

Yes, let's just hope it doesn't contain a Stone Age date,

worth a few million minus points of course.

Push, push, push, push...

Thanks, Trolley Wally.

..push, push, push.

Now winning the quiz means Billy is

automatically through to play the Pirate Game

but will he be alone

or will everyone get to play? Let's find out.

It's an all play Messy Game and that could only mean one thing,

it's off down the Time Sewer with the lot of you.

Go on, off you go. Billy, lead the way.

In you go, fella. In you go, Kate.

It stinks.

-Go on, Jeevan, get in there.

-Eugh!

It doesn't stink. I don't know what you're talking about.

HE RETCHES

This game is all about chests and keys. And where are the keys?

Well, that would be telling

but there are some clues to help you find them.

The first person to retrieve the treasure map

from inside their colour coded chest will win the Year Sphere,

but be warned, there maybe some pirate trickery afoot.

Ha-ha-ha-har!

-Finished?

-Sorry.

It's time for...

HOOTER

'Here we go then with Pirate Treasure and all of them

'reading the instructions straight away.

'That's good, isn't it, Rattus?'

'It is. It's part of the game, reading the instructions, Dave.'

'And Billy should be off to the swabbie's bucket. Well, no.'

'He's gone to the fruit.'

'He's gone to the rotten fruit bucket. Kate's all right.

'She should be there. But there's Billy's clue.

'He should be at the swabbie's bucket.

'He isn't. He's gone to the rotten fruit

'so that key is not going to fit.'

Look at the slime on those keys though, Rattus,

it really is quite revolting.

And Billy of course struggling away

but who's going to be first out of the other two?

It's Jeevan. Jeevan is off and running, Kate now up, second

behind Jeevan and Billy is simply not going to get into that chest.

So who is going to get that second chest open first?

Let's have a look.

There we go. Billy quite rightly has given up but he's thrown the

key on the floor. No-one likes to see that, that's almost dissent.

RATTUS MUMBLES

There's Kate getting up to her elbows in that horrible,

horrible bucket there, absolutely revolting,

but she's on the right track. Look at this, she's forging ahead.

Oh, and that is absolutely revolting.

And look, he's in the wrong bucket again.

But here comes Billy,

Now he's moving, now he's shifting.

Let's have a look at that clue. "This key's hidden somewhere great.

"Which bird says, pieces of eight?"

That's a parrot, there's the parrot.

Kate is on the last one.

She just needs to look in the hanging bag.

I think Kate might be on her way here.

This is the last chest that she's undoing.

Everyone doing extremely well here now,

apart from Jeevan of course who is fiddling in the wrong bucket.

Somebody tell him. Put him out of his misery. And Kate has won it.

She holds aloft

the treasure map that tells of

glories beyond our thinking. And Jeevan can be

looking in there all day because he's looking the wrong bucket.

-That is a yellow bucket, Jeevan, you are wearing green.

-Oh!

Welcome back, gamers. Kate, you won so get choosing your Year Sphere.

No wonder Rats like it so much on pirate ships. Rotten fruit,

deck moppings, what's not to like?

Erm, all the rats?

On to Round Two and to find out what's up next it's

back to the Gory Grid.

It's the Vicious Vikings.

And here are your all important Viking topics.

Kate, it's your turn to pick first. What takes your fancy?

Viking Myths.

Let's see if you know this one.

What do you think? Was it A - Oak trees, B - goats or C - dwarves?

Show me your answers. Now.

Well, a complete spread of answers there. Interesting indeed.

Let's hear the answer.

The answer is C - dwarves.

Well, there we go, a point for Kate.

The dwarves were actually called North, South, East and West.

Hey, it's a hard job holding up the sky.

I bet the dwarves were all grumpy.

Ha-ha! You know, like the dwarf. Ha-ha-ha! Do you get it, Dopey?

-Never work with animals.

-But...

Billy, your turn to pick a topic.

Warriors.

Viking warriors who worked themselves up into a foaming

fighting frenzy before battle were called...

Is it...

And everyone has gone for B.

Let's find out what the answer is.

The answer is B - Berserkers.

Like me! Arf, arf, arf! Argh! I'm joking I'm fine, I'm fine.

He is crazy.

A point each there, look at that.

And of course we get the word berserk that we use

nowadays from Viking berserkers. The Lamb knows all.

Hey that's my line.

It's horrible but it's true.

That's my line too.

-Live with it.

-I'm going off you.

Jeevan, your turn to pick a topic.

Can I have swords, please?

That, you'll be delighted to hear, is a prop question.

It's a prop question. I like...

-Oh!

-Oh, maybe I don't like the props.

Behold, a massive sword.

Sw-ord.

Viking blacksmiths sometimes cooled hot swords in what?

Was it...

Let's see your answers, please.

Everybody's gone for C again.

And once again everybody is right.

They are.

We have one question left in this round.

Here is your question.

What was the Viking skald?

Was it A - a huge axe, B - a Viking story teller

or C - a polar bear stew? Yum, yum, yum.

What was a Viking skald?

Was it A - a huge axe, B, a Viking story teller

or C - a polar bear stew?

Everybody's gone for A.

The answer is B.

A skald was a Viking story teller

-who'd recite long wonderful poems.

-HE SNIFFS

That means, Kate, that you have won

the second Year Sphere.

OK, Kate, as the quiz winner you're also through to play the Viking

game but will it be just you or will the others get to play too?

Let's find out.

-It's a Single Player Brainy Game.

-Wahey!

So, Kate, come on, down to that Time Sewer with you.

Go on, get down there.

There she goes. Bye.

It's time to play the...

Now, the great Vikings are known in history by their nicknames.

One Viking king for example was known as Harald Finehair.

We would have been Dave The Wise, and Rattus Bad Joke.

Oi, I'm just here. I can hear you know.

I know you can. You were meant to.

Seven Viking names but two are made up. You have to work out which

five are real, choose five names and then move them to the real board.

Then touch the Viking axe, not the sharp edge mind, to find out

how many you've got right. Keep trying new combinations of names

until you've got all five, but you've got to be quick,

you're against the clock and your time starts now.

HOOTER

So here goes Kate then trying to work out which

are the real Viking names. Asgot the Clumsy goes up.

That's her most real one.

Kon Smelly-Feet is what

she thinks is the second most real.

Erik Bloodaxe,

well, that sounds right doesn't it, Rattus?

Sounds like a convincing Viking name to me.

It's not the sort of name you'd expect on a modern day vicar.

Four right!

And don't forget, you can play along at home

using the Gory Games app of course.

Now, what are her tactics?

-I think she may have taken off the wrong one there.

-Four right!

Yes, she's still got four right. What do we give?

We've got Ivar the Boneless, Keith Flatnose is up there.

Ketil the Trout-face.

Dave, I actually know someone with a trout face.

Although, to be fair, she is actually a trout.

Well, this trout face has been replaced with Ivar the Boneless.

-Four right!

-She's still only got four.

Ivar the Boneless is coming off again. Trout-face is going on.

I'm beginning to question her tactics.

She seems to be swapping things back and forth willy-nilly.

-There is a sort of random scattergun approach.

-Four right!

Still only four right.

She's a bit disappointed there, that she hasn't got all five.

Things being replaced and then put back

without really much consideration.

Now Jalla the Jellybean is up there and I can tell you,

that's definitely wrong.

She's moved it, good. That's very good.

She only had three right. Ivar the Boneless is back.

Now, Smelly Feet, that's right! This could be good.

You have all five right!

In a sudden burst at the end, she's got all five.

Well done, Kate. Help yourself to another year sphere.

And she was absolutely right.

There was no Viking called Jalla the Jellybean

and there was no Kon known for his stinky feet.

Guess which Viking gave its name to a mobile phone device?

I don't know. Eric Big Bills? Olaf Dodgy Reception?

No, it was Harold Bluetooth. It's not a joke, no.

The modern-day Bluetooth wireless connection is named after him.

Harold united different Viking tribes under a single King

and the Bluetooth connection unites different mobiles.

-The rat knows all!

-That was genuinely very interesting, Ratus.

Well done. Over to the Gory Grid to find out what's up next.

It's the Awful Egyptians!

Here are your four Egyptian topics.

Pharaohs, Cleopatra, Ramesses III and Mummies.

Mummies!

Billy, it's your turn to go first, so please choose a topic.

May I please go for Cleopatra?

True or false? Cleopatra was very beautiful.

So, a very straightforward question. Cleopatra was very beautiful.

Is that true or is that false?

The boys think that Cleopatra was ugly,

whereas Kate, the girl, thinks she was very beautiful.

Let's find out what the actual answer is.

It's false.

Coins with her picture show she had a huge, crooked nose,

but I wouldn't recommend calling her ugly to her face.

That'll happen.

Neither would I.

So, Kate, it was lovely that you thought she was beautiful,

but she wasn't. She was horrible. Jeevan, your turn to choose.

What's your topic going to be?

Can I have Mummies please?

-That is a prop question.

-Yes!

-I like props!

Look at this. Now, that is actually a mummy's hand in a display case.

-Is it actually?

-It is actually a mummy's hand, yes.

True or false.

In Victorian times, an ancient Egyptian mummy's hand

in a glass display case was a popular ornament.

Is that true or is that false? Let's see your answers now please.

So Billy and Kate going for true, Jeevan going for false.

The answer is that it is true.

Yes, it's a lovely gift and of course,

the mummy's hand comes pre-wrapped!

-That means Kate, it's your turn to pick a topic.

-Pharaohs please.

True or false.

Inside a dead Pharaoh's burial chamber,

you might find lots of dolls.

Inside a dead Pharaoh's burial chamber,

you might find lots of dolls.

Is that true or false?

Well, look at that. Everyone has gone for false.

Let's hear what the answer is.

It's true.

We believed our ushabti dolls were mean to magically turn into servants

in the afterlife and they'd better do.

I mean, I'm not going to pick my own bunions for eternity.

No way, Jose.

No, and why should he have to?

So, everybody wrong, that means with one question left in this round,

Billy, if you get this right, you've won the year sphere.

Let's have a look at our final question.

The question is, is this true or false?

Ramesses III was very skinny.

Ramesses III was very skinny.

Is that true or is that false?

Billy goes true, Kate and Jeevan go false.

It's...

False.

Well, it's false.

You know, when archaeologists actually found his tomb

and unwrapped the mummy, the body of Ramesses was so well preserved,

that it was obvious in life he had been overweight.

And to think death is usually such a sure-fire way of losing weight!

You know, because you rot away and little bits all fall off you.

-Too far, Ratus.

-Yes, Dave. I'll wind my neck in.

Please do so now.

So, what we've ended up with there at the end of that round

is a tie-break situation.

That means we go straight to our buzzer question.

Beginning with the letter N,

what is the name of the 4,000 mile long river

which runs through... Kate was first.

-What's the answer, Kate?

-Nile.

-Nile is the correct answer, Kate.

-Well done.

You've won yourself another year sphere.

Oh, with so many year spheres, I hope it's not a Stone Age stinker.

Absolutely, it's a fair point.

OK, Kate, you're through to play the Egyptian game,

but will it be just you or is everyone else coming too?

Let's find out.

It's a single player scary game. I'm sorry, lads.

Kate, back into the time sewer with you. Let me open it first.

Go on, down you go. Get down there!

When Pharaohs died, all sorts of weird stuff went on.

It's time to play, Mummify Me!

Whoever mummified this Pharaoh forgot to remove some organs

and you've got to fix things.

Your challenge is to remove the stomach, liver, intestines

and lungs and put them in the correct canopic jars.

The brain needs to be yanked out of the nose and binned

but the heart must be left inside the body. You got that? Good.

Just don't let your time run out if you want to win a year sphere.

In 3,2,1...

KLAXON SOUNDS

So, here comes Kate to play Mummify Me!

She has to remove the correct organs,

put them in the correct canopic jars but she must leave the heart inside.

Oh, she's going straight for the brain. I don't think I can watch.

Oh, right up the nose, the hook of the nose and into the brain.

And out through the nostrils with all the brain matter.

Oh, look at that. He must have been one brainy Pharaoh!

There go the brain, the strings of the brain.

That has gone straight into the bin, as it should have done.

That is very good. So, she's made a good start.

Now, she is going in to try and remove some organs.

Oh, there's something. Look at that!

Oh, Ratus, it's the intestine. Look at the length of it.

She's having to wind round her arm to get it out.

It's dripping across from the canopic jar to the mummy.

Oh, she's pulling it across the room.

-This is grisly in the extreme, Ratus!

-Oh, there's the end of it.

Thank goodness that's over. That was making me feel a little bit queasy.

This is exactly what would have been done in the day, Ratus.

This is authentic. Absolutely authentic.

I'm not sure it was done by a small child in safety goggles, though!

No, that is the only bit about this that is inauthentic.

That's a liver for me.

Yes, she's got another in one hand, stomach in the other.

So, where to put the stomach? In there, that's correct.

Now the liver, where does that go? She's got to find it. There it is.

That's the liver. That's perfect.

She just needs the lungs and she has hit the mummy there!

That's fantastic! Here she goes. She's got it again.

-Is that the heart?

-No, I think it's a lung.

It's the lungs. She's done it! She's got it all in the right place.

Kate has done it. If that was me, I'd be licking my fingers.

Ratus, that is disgusting.

Welcome back, Kate. Help yourself to another year sphere.

Did you know that some people in Egypt could only afford

a cheap version of mummification,

in which you didn't bother with organ removal

but had to inject cedar oil up your behind to dissolve your guts.

Now that would have made a much better game! Let's do that one.

-Can be, can be, Dave, please, please, please?

-No.

Moving right along. Time for the final round.

Over to the Gory Grid one last time to find out what we've got.

It's the Measly Middle Ages.

No quirky quiz in our final round.

It's straight to our big all play Middle Ages endgame.

And it's a messy one. Oh yes!

Everybody, it's time to get down that sewer.

Down you go. Well done, Kate, you know the way by now.

Jeevan, follow Kate, she knows what she's doing.

And they've gone.

A well-paid job in the Middle Ages was the job of gong forming.

Why was it well paid? Because it was one of the nastiest jobs around.

Yes, gong was a Middle Ages word for poop.

Your job is to collect the gong from the cesspit,

carry it along your lane and slop it into your measuring cylinder.

Whoever collects the most collects the year sphere but beware,

some Middle Ages types would poo directly onto the street below.

So your lane is going to get very, very slippery indeed.

It's time for us to go Gong Farming!

Get slopping!

KLAXON SOUNDS

Lovely clean lanes, look.

-That's not going to last long.

-You're right there, Dave.

There we go, straight down to the end. Very good work from Kate.

Billy is there in a flash. So is Jeevan.

Look that the whole in the bottom of these buckets.

It's going to make it very treacherous underfoot,

and that's the smallest amount of gong I think I've ever seen farmed.

It really was a tiny amount. Look at that!

These mats become treacherous when wet, don't they, Ratus?

They certainly do, Dave.

The last thing you want on this course is gong.

It's going to hold the whole proceedings up.

Yeah, not much actual gong is making it through

to the measuring cylinder at the end,

all of them struggling with the massive hole.

Oh, look, that's just spilt everywhere,

and Jeevan has got absolutely nowhere so far.

GIRL SCREAMS And here comes Kate -

there doesn't look to be much left in that bucket either.

And I don't want to worry everyone

but I think there's more gong on the way.

Oh, and he's over, oh and she's on her bottom.

Everyone is falling, there's gong everywhere

and, to be fair, the contestants are now covered in it.

They're scooping the poop but they're not managing to deposit it.

They're like bars of soap on an ice rink.

And finally Jeevan's made it to the end.

I mean that, that is empty, Jeevan.

I mean, you might as well head back.

With the best will in the world, that is an empty bucket,

and look at the amount he's collected -

the merest smudge, if that -

and I'm being kind to him by calling it a smudge.

There we go, look at this, that's...

See, compared to what Jeevan's got, Billy is absolutely rolling in gong,

and Kate's got a respectable amount of poo too.

I've never seen quite so much effort

and energy being put into such little return.

-Ah!

-Oh and there's more gong dropping now.

-Oh-ho-ho-ho!

-Well, as if it wasn't slippery enough...

-Ha-ha-ha!

..there is now gong absolutely everywhere. It's still dripping.

-BELL CHIMES

-30 seconds remaining.

Now, I can't see an awful lot more gong being...

as Billy just slides off the end of his ramp, there.

Oh, a little bit. Fair play to him.

A little bit came through at the end, there.

That was a tremendous effort, but look at this.

Now he's got to try and get back up the other end

and I just don't think it's going to happen for him.

He's got a bit of a lick on there,

He ought to be careful, he's going to fall off the end.

-Oh-ho-ho.

-Oh, dear me.

-She's got a mouthful. Oh, that's a disaster.

-Oh, no, no.

HORN HONKS And, now, this really is

sickening scenes here at the gong farming.

Oh, Jeevan, you're too late, son.

You've only got a tiny amount in there. Awful, awful.

Kate's done a lot better, to be fair,

but the winner, by little more than a smear, is Billy.

Welcome back, Billy.

You got the most poop in your cylinder,

so collect your Year Sphere please.

Well done, Jeevan. Bad luck.

Dear BBC, I was disgusted to find out that the so-called poo

in the endgame was in fact not real poo at all.

Did you know that gong farmers were only actually allowed to

gong farm between 9pm and 5am so as not to disgust people?

Oh, what exactly is disgusting about wallowing around in poop,

I will never know.

No, I don't suppose you ever will.

Time to count up those Year Spheres,

and, remember, AD years are added and BC years are subtracted.

Jeevan, I can tell exactly how many points you've got.

It's none, because you haven't got any Year Spheres but, don't worry,

because that could end up being the winning score,

yeah, so hang in there.

OK, Kate, let's have a look inside those spheres.

Oh, it's 1.5 million BC -

Stone Age man first used fire.

What about the next one?

1666 - that's the Great Fire of London.

Next one, please.

1337 - the beginning of the Hundred Years War with France.

1455 - the start of the War of the Roses,

and your final sphere.

Oh, no!

2532 BC -

the great Egyptian Sphinx

was finished that year.

So, Kate, your total score

has ended up being

1,498,074 minus.

Oh, dear.

Billy let's have a look inside your Spheres.

1914 AD -

the beginning of the First World War,

and this one, for the game,

what's inside the crucial Sphere?

Oh, it's 776 BC -

the first ever ancient Olympics,

but it's not enough to wipe out your entire total,

so that means that today's winner,

with 1138 points, is Billy,

who walks away with the star prize,

which, unfortunately, has once again been pulled out

of the Time Sewers by my flea-infested friend.

What's the big prize, Rattus?

It's the ultimate fashion accessory -

if you happen to be an ancient Celt that is -

it's a brain ball.

Yes, the Celts would take the brain of an enemy,

harden it in lime and attach it to their belts. Ha-ha!

ConRATulations, Billy!

Billy, well done.

I can only apologise for that wonderful

-brain that you seem to have won.

-Yeah, thank you very much.

Right, it just remains for me to say thanks to our champion Billy,

thanks to our gallant runners up, Jeevan and Kate,

and no thanks whatsoever to Rattus.

Eh? Oh, thank you very much, I love you too.

You've been watching Gory Games.

-Goodbye.

-Goodbye.

So did you know all the answers?

Then prove it.

Next time, why not play along

by downloading the Gory Games App

from the CBBC website?

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