Episode 3 HH: Gory Games Play Along

# If mummies, rats and fleas ain't your thing

# And you don't like the sound of an exploding king

# If you're easily scared and don't laugh at poo

# You'd better turn off This show ain't for you

# Still watching? Then let's test your brains

# With Horrible Histories Gory Games

# Horrible Histories Gory...

# ..Games! #

Hello, and welcome to Gory Games,

with me, Rattus Rattus, and my sidekick, Dave Lamb.

-You so know it's the other way round.

-Oh-ho-ho-ho!

It looks like my sidekick wants a go at hosting, everybody.

Well, just this once.

Yes, welcome to my show, Gory Games, where we test your knowledge

of Horrible Histories with quirky quizzes and, of course, Gory Games,

so, let's meet today's Horrible Historians!

Hi, I'm Emily.

Hi, I'm Ross.

Hi, I'm India.

Now, what episode of Gory Games would be complete without

one of my trademark games to get the ball rolling?

Oh, I can feel one of my headaches coming on.

This is a Middle Ages game I like to call Fish Poo-lette.

Oh, it's getting worse.

When people went to the toilet in a castle,

their poop would go straight into the moat.

The fish in the moat would then eat the poop.

The people in the castle would then eat the fish, thereby,

eating their own poop!

Now, one of these five fish is straight from a pooey moat

so, Emily, Ross, India, you three have to take turns eating a fish

until someone identifies the pooey one! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Right, no. That's not going to happen.

-Oh, mind that...

-Oh!

-..fish I dropped earlier.

Yep, it's OK.

A pooey fish broke my fall.

Ooh, you found it.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!

I'm going to need a change of shirt.

Has anyone got any headache pills or something?

-I don't really feel very well.

-Hee-hee!

While Dave de-poos himself, remember,

you can play along at home using the Gory Games App.

Get it from the CBBC website.

Right, Emily, Ross, India, you're playing to win Year Spheres.

Each Year Sphere contains a historical date

and, at the end of the show, your Year Sphere dates will be added up,

with AD dates being added to your total

and BC dates being subtracted from it.

So, if these were your Year Spheres, your total would be, Rattus?

Wait, erm, oh, now, let me think.

1,215 minus 480,

carry the 7, divide by 17,

add the number you first thought of...

It's 735.

I was almost there!

The person with the highest year count will win today's star prize.

Which is a real corker, and I should know, cos I chose it.

Right, we're off, and to find out what this round's about,

it's over to the Gory Grid.

Arr! The Putrid Pirates, it be.

And here are your four pirate topics...

Emily, you get to pick first in this round. Pick away.

Blackbeard.

Tis I, Blackbeard the Pirate.

Here be my question...

So, Blackbeard the Pirate - how many wives did he have?

Was it A - 1, B - 8, or C - 14?

Ah, interesting. Emily and Ross going for B.

India on her own with C. Let's find out who's right?

The answer is...

Ha-ha-ha-harr!

Well, if an angry, cutlass-wielding pirate asked you to marry him,

I guess you'd say yes.

That's a very good one, India, you're off the mark with one point.

Ross, it's your turn to pick a topic.

Erm, execution please.

Execution!

How was pirate Colin Dolphin executed?

Was he A - fed to sharks?

B - buried up to his neck in sand and drowned by the tide coming in?

Or C - made to walk the plank?

Is it A, B or C?

Interesting - a complete spread of answers.

Let's see who's right.

The answer is B.

He was buried up to his neck in sand

and drowned by the tide coming in.

Yeesh! So next time you bury your dad in the sand,

don't forget about it.

-Make sure you dig him out afterwards.

-Ho-ho-ho!

India, your turn to choose the next topic.

Toilets.

Toilets. That is a question from my dear friend, Rattus Rattus.

Where did pirates go to the toilet?

Was it A - in a rope cage hanging over the side of the ship,

B - in the hull of the ship surrounded by rats,

or C - through a hole in the bottom of the ship?

Let's see your answers now.

Ooh, again,

a complete spread of answers.

Well, Rattus, what's the answer?

A - in a rope cage hanging over the side of the ship.

Us rats just went wherever - sometimes in the stew.

Don't tell them again, Rattus. Don't tell them again.

OK. It's all square.

One point apiece, with one question remaining in this round,

and it is a question about Sadie the Goat.

A famous pirate in the 1800s was called Sadie the Goat

but how did she get her nickname?

A - because she would headbutt victims and rob them,

B - cos she liked to eat cloth,

or C - because she wore a goat's tail for good luck?

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

OK, let's see your answers now, please.

Not agreeing on anything,

these three.

Let's find out what the actual answer is.

A - Sadie the Goat would headbutt victims and rob them.

Pirates' nicknames tended to be fairly obvious, like,

I'm "Pull Out Your Heart And Eat It For Supper Jack"

but, seeing as we're friends,

you can just call me "Pull Out Your Heart And Eat It For Supper".

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Sorry.

So, Ross, you've won the quiz.

Time to choose your Year Sphere from the rodent-propelled trolley.

-Push, push, push, push, push...

-Here's hoping your sphere

doesn't contain a Stone Age date worth a few million minus points.

Whichever one you want. Thank you!

Push, push, push, push, push...

Now, winning the quiz means

Ross is automatically through to play the Pirate Game

but will he be alone or will everyone get to play?

Yes, it's a single-player Silly Game!

So, Ross, off you slither down the Time Sewer.

There he goes. Go on.

Oh, it stinks!

Yeah, it does, I'm afraid.

Ugh!

Pirate ships were always infested with nasty, thieving

disease-ridden rats.

-All right! All right!

-Well, they were.

This game is one of my personal favourites.

It's time to play...

-I do not like the sound of this one little bit.

-Ha-ha-ha!

Whack 15 rats in the time limit to win the Year Sphere.

Your time starts now. HORN HONKS

So every direct hit score, and the rat body count will

appear in the top left-hand corner of your screen.

-Squeak!

-This is going to be a very difficult experience

for my co-commentator, Rattus Rattus.

-I'm afraid it is.

-Squeak!

This game is sick and not in a good way.

-It's not fair.

-Squeak!

The RSPCA doesn't have a Rat Department.

It's no good, I can't watch.

-Ooh, I can't watch.

-Squeak!

I'll take it from here, Rattus,

you're all right. Well, there's one with an eye patch on.

-Oh, Peter!

-Oh, he's taken one right on the head.

-Oh! Stop the game, stop the game!

-Yeah, Rattus...

Rattus, it's Bash The Rat not Bash The Commentator.

Ow!

-RATTUS WHIMPERS

-Stop it! You are wicked!

I'm afraid we've lost Rattus, really, in the commentary box.

It's just me at this point but there's not many.

But, oh, there's a double! Lovely.

There's another rat getting hit.

Oh, Rattus, it's absolutely rat carnage out here.

That one was very cheekily wiggling his nose

as he came out of his hole. BELL CHIMES

And he doesn't want to do that

cos he'll find his snout gets bashed right through his head.

-Squeak!

-Bully! That was my great uncle George.

And it's all over, Rattus. HORN HONKS

-Yes!

-15 rats have been given mild concussion and Ross is the champion.

Welcome back, Ross. Well played.

Select yourself a Year Sphere.

But, I have to tell you, your score was far from the record.

One pirate ship sailed from Europe to South America

and killed 4,000 rats on one journey.

That's more rats than I've got first cousins. Well, almost.

Onto Round Two and, to find out what's up next,

it's over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Awful Egyptians.

Four questions again and here are your four Egyptian topics...

So, Ross, it's your turn to pick first. What's it going to be?

Egyptian Gods, please.

Egyptian Gods - that is a question from Rattus Rattus.

True or false -

the Egyptian God Bastet had a human body but the head of a dog?

The Egyptian God Bastet had a human body but the head of a dog.

Ah. Is that true of false?

Ross and Emily are going for false. India for true.

Rattus, what's the answer?

Oh, it's false.

She actually had

-the head of a cat...

-RATTUS SPITS

..cos she was the God of Cats. Boo!

It was Anubis, the God of the Dead, who had the head of a dog

so, hopefully, he chased Bastet all around the place.

Ah, that would be brilliant.

And our apologies to any cats who might be watching.

-RATTUS SPITS

-Hee-hee!

So, India, your turn to choose a topic.

Burials, please.

Let's hear your question.

Is this true or false?

Ah...

-Short and sweet - well, not particularly sweet.

-Ha!

Burial chambers contained a toilet for the dead Pharaoh -

is that true or false?

Emily and Ross agreeing on true.

India going for false.

Let's hear who's right.

Well, I can tell you, the answer is...

Well, I suppose Mummies WERE wrapped in toilet paper.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Thanks, Rattus.

-You're funny!

-Thank you.

OK, so, Emily, your turn to choose a topic.

Erm, Tutankhamun please.

Tutankhamun.

True or false?

When Tutankhamun died, his widow, Mrs Tutankhamun, married his uncle.

When Tutankhamun died his widow Mrs Tutankhamun married his uncle -

is that true or is that false?

Well, India and Ross going for true.

Emily on her own with false.

Let's find out.

It's true, and worse still, Tutankhamun's uncle, Ay,

was also Mrs Tutankhamun's grandfather.

Yes, he married his granddaughter. It's true.

My sister/cousin/wife told me.

Now, that's a happy family.

So, one question to go this round.

Ross, you have three points so,

if you were to get this question right,

you would automatically win the Year Sphere.

The final category is...

True or false?

Bes was the Egyptian God of Happiness and his wife was a monkey.

Well, Bess was the Egyptian God of Happiness

and wife was a monkey - is that true or false?

Emily and India are going for true.

Ross, on his own, with false.

What's the answer?

It's false. Of course it is!

Don't be ridiculous. His wife was a hippo!

I once said to my wife,

"I'm so happy, I feel like the God of Happiness."

She said to me, "Are you calling me a hippo?"

You can't win, can you?

So, Ross, that was remarkable.

You have just won the round with the maximum score of four points.

You've won yourself another Year Sphere. Choose away.

Let's just hope your Year Sphere doesn't contain Dave's birthdate.

Ha! That's well Stone Age!

Worth a few million minus points.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

-Yep.

-Sorry.

Now, winning the quiz means that

Ross is automatically through to play the Egyptian game

but will he be alone or will everyone get to play?

Let's find out.

It's an all-play Brainy Game so, the lot of you,

get down that Time Sewer.

Go on, India. It's not too stinky. There you go!

Ross, you know the way by now.

-Ugh!

-It's thought that it took 25,000 men five years

to build each of the Great Pyramids.

Let's hope they're a bit quicker than that!

It's time to play...

Nine blocks - your challenge, to work out which block goes where.

First to finish wins the Year Sphere.

So, ready, steady, get building. HORN HONKS

There they go. There they go.

A nice cagey opening.

There's India, wrestling with what looks to be

an absolutely enormous piece of pyramid,

and it's coming slowly over. Oh, look at that.

Ross seems to have two bits on his base plinth already.

Whether they're the right bits remains to be seen.

That's the technique for this game, Dave,

is to actually get several pieces on the base-board

quite early on, and then shunt them around until they fit.

You're absolutely right, Ratison.

Don't forget, you can play along at home

using the Gory Games App, of course.

And that's a big piece.

That's a good idea, I think.

The bigger pieces would seem to be better at the bottom.

-There. There.

-What?

Well, it looks as if we have

the first layer complete, on India.

That's fantastic.

Well, I notice

a situation developing here.

The pyramid seems to be being erected slightly skewwhiff.

That won't count against her,

but look at that, Rattus, there it is.

It's not square on its plinth.

That's certainly a cat pyramid, Dave.

I must, er, just say that the BBC,

all the anti-cat views aired by my colleague

are not held by the BBC.

Those views are his and his alone.

No, cant! Cant.

I'm sorry. I've completely misheard you, there.

I've been to the pyramids,

-you know, Dave.

-Have you?

-Yes, well,

the Pyramids Leisure Centre in Bracknell.

Well, well, while you're talking about leisure centres,

Ross has finished the first layer of his pyramid

and this is getting very close.

India may have to hurry a bit,

here, now, because she's got competition.

Ross is hard on her heels.

Yes, India did, for a moment there,

look as if she was going to rush into

the lead, but Ross has really

really caught up rather quickly.

There, that is absolutely crucial.

India has nailed that level of the pyramid.

She's only got three bits left to fit in.

Emily, of course, well, let's say she's comfortably third.

Good enough for a bronze in the Olympics but hang on!

There's the penultimate piece

into place. Here it comes,

the top of the pyramid.

-And India!

-Oh, and India's got it. India's got the top.

India has done it, Rattus.

India has built a pyramid.

India, collect yourself a Year Sphere.

The Great Pyramid of Giza is one of the so-called

Seven Wonders of the Ancient World,

and the only one that's still relatively intact today.

Well, of course, to a rat, the Seven Wonders of the World

are all skips behind supermarkets.

-Ha-ha-ha-ha!

-Yes.

Right, over to the Gory Grid to find out what's up next.

It's the Vile Victorians. Good day.

Here are your four Victorian topics...

India, it's your turn to pick a topic first.

Inventions, please.

Inventions is a question from Rattus Rattus.

It is. Ahem.

Which of these was not a Victorian invention?

Was it A - trains?

B - cars?

Or C - teddy bears?

So, what do you think? Is it A, B or C?

Let's see those answers, now, please.

Ooh! Ross and Emily agreeing on C.

India on her own with A.

Rattus, what's the answer?

The answer is C - teddy bears, which were invented

the year after Victoria died.

What, just one year later?

Well, history can be cruel, Dave. History can be cruel.

Awful.

Emily, your turn to choose a topic.

-Schools, please.

-Schools! Let's hear what that question is.

In Victorian schools, missing Church was punished by what?

Was it A - detention,

B - beating with a strap,

or C - having to copy out the Bible?

Hmm, so, is that A, B or C?

Show me your letters now.

Everyone agreeing on B.

Let's find out if

you're all right or all wrong.

The answer is B.

Schoolchildren were beaten

with a strap and I was too.

Never missed church again, I'll tell you that.

Ross, it's your turn to pick a topic.

-Gadgets, please.

-Gadgets.

Pop question, pop question,

pop question, pop question, pop question.

This is a genuine Victorian contraption, OK?

But what was this invention for?

Was it A - for making people look at a camera?

Was it B - for scaring cats?

Or was it C - for storing the remains of a dead pet?

Let's see your answers now, please.

OK. Emily and Ross going for A.

India going for C.

The answer is A.

It was a device for making people look at early Victorian cameras,

hence the phrase "watch the birdie".

One more question remaining

and it is on Victorian firsts.

In 1875, the first what opened in London?

Was it A - a roller-skating rink,

B - an ice-skating rink,

or C - a public toilet?

Was it A - a roller-skating rink,

B - an ice-skating rink,

or C - a public toilet?

Oh-ho-ho-ho! Total agreement, once again.

Everyone's going for C.

Let's find out if

you're all right or all wrong.

The answer is A -

the first roller-skating rink was opened.

I can tell you, there were a few bruised bottoms that night!

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

-What?

-He said bottom!

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

So that means that we have a tie between Emily and Ross

at the end of that round.

India, for now, you're history.

The other two of you, fingers on buzzers,

because we have the tie-breaker question.

Beginning with the letter N,

what is the surname of the famous nurse

who helped soldiers in the Crimean War?

BUZZER SNEEZES That's Emily.

Nightingale.

Nightingale. It's Florence Nightingale.

You're absolutely right and that means, Emily,

you have won your first Year Sphere.

Collect it, please.

Emily, you're through to play the Victorian game,

but will you play alone or will everyone get to play?

Let's have a look now.

It's a single-player Brainy Game.

-Emily, have you got your brain in?

-Yep.

In that case, down that Time Sewer with you.

Bye!

Brunel was a genius.

He designed railways, steamships and giant steel bridges,

but even geniuses have their off days, which is why, in 1843,

whilst performing a magic trick,

he got a coin lodged in his own throat.

RATTUS COUGHS A bit like that.

HE COUGHS

Yes, I was wondering where my change had gone.

He eventually managed to dislodge it using a clever device.

It's time to play....

Your challenge is to work out which cog goes where.

Once they're all in the right place, you can turn the wheel

and flip Brunel upside-down to dislodge the coin

and win your Year Sphere - but be quick.

You're against the clock

which is starting to tick now! HORN HONK

And she's off, and what she has to do here, Rattus,

is find the correct cogs to make the mechanism work,

and tip Barmy Brunel backwards,

so that the coin comes out of his gullet.

That's absolutely right, Dave.

Absolutely right.

This is a far trickier game than it first appears.

Yeah, and she's...

She's actually taking this very slowly,

which can be often a good thing, Rattus,

-but, sometimes, it can be a very, very bad thing.

-Well...

But I like the look of this one.

She's gone to get a big cog in there, in that first position,

and this looks to me as if it'll do the job, Rattus.

It certainly does, Dave.

And it has done the job. Lovely.

That's the first one in place so a good start.

A very good start from Emily.

Now she's looking for the second piece of the cog jigsaw

so, actually, what she needs is a fairly small one here, I think,

because the proximity of that spike to the main cog means that

we can only fit a tiny little cog in that gap, and that is a whopper.

That is not going to fit -

I would stake my reputation as a commentator on that -

and it hasn't fitted. Thank goodness for that, Rattus.

Dave, you don't have a reputation as a commentator.

That's why I was prepared to stake it.

Once she's fixed it, can we put Dave in it? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

You know, just for a laugh.

Just for a laugh!

I don't find that funny.

That's too big. That's too big.

What she needs is one of the smaller cogs in that position.

I can't quite understand why she doesn't

leave the cogs on the floor round her feet?

-There we go, that's the perfect one!

-Oh, oh, she put it back!

BELL CHIMES Rattus, that was the perfect cog

and she walked away from it again

and I'm afraid that's just too big.

Less than 30 seconds to go.

It doesn't look good.

She experimented with the right cog

and now she's going through all the wrong ones again.

FAST MUSIC PLAYS Time's running out for Emily.

There's a grim inevitability about the conclusion here.

That's a tiny little cog. That's too tiny.

That cog is too small.

Oh, and it's not going to happen for her, I don't think.

She's got seconds remaining but at least she's got that cog in place...

HORN HONKS ..though I'm sure it's going to be

-a cold consolation...

-Oh!

..when Emily realises that her Year Sphere has gone begging!

Welcome back, Emily. Bad luck. Bad luck.

No Year Sphere this time.

Brunel and his father designed and built the first ever tunnel

to pass under a river, anywhere in the world.

It was beneath the River Thames in London

and, even though it first opened nearly 170 years ago,

it's still in use today as a railway tunnel.

I never take the train.

-What? Because it's healthier to walk?

-No. I'm a rat.

If I get on a train people SCREAM!

Sorry, I forgot about that. Yes, of course they do.

Time for the final round now.

Over to the Gory Grid one last time to see who we've got.

It's the Terrible Tudors.

No quirky quiz in our final round.

It's straight to play our big all-play Tudor endgame

and it is a silly one.

Everybody, get down that Time Sewer!

In you go.

Go on, it's just a bit of a bad stink, nothing to be afraid of.

There we go.

-Whoa!

-Oh!

-Ugh!

-Yuck!

It's time to play Who Ate All the Pies.

Now, I'm sure you never noticed, but in his later life,

Henry VIII got a teensy bit fat.

Well, it suddenly crept up on me.

I looked down one day and boom!

I couldn't see my feet.

Well, that was largely because old Henry was rather keen on pies.

-Did someone say pies?

-HE SNIFFS

Let's go over and play...

You have to fetch pies and lob them into Henry's mouth

and to help you, in no way whatsoever,

we've attached you to bungee cords.

The person who gets the most pies in their Henry's mouth

in the time limit wins the Year Sphere.

Get ready, then,

because it's pie time! HORN HONKS

So, here we go, with Who Ate All the Pies,

and that first round of pies, going absolutely nowhere,

but it's early days yet, eh, Rattus?

It certainly is early days, Dave.

They seem to be enjoying themselves

even though they're not very good at it.

Oh, well, having said that, that is a point for India.

I believe it's all in the wrist action on this game and,

and, pointing and aiming and aiming and pointing.

Yeah, well, they don't seem to be aiming very well,

at the moment, I have to say.

That's an interesting shot from Ross.

He sort of jumps up and throws it overhand.

He does, and there's Emily poised there.

-Oh, to go backwards!

-Whoa-ho-ho!

-Ha-ha-ha!

That's a ping back and a half! Oh, look at that.

India has actually dropped her pie, there,

but she's picked it up and hoicked it forward

-and it's gone absolutely nowhere.

-Hoicked!

Good to see the pieman, isn't it, Rattus?

Nice to see the pieman.

Yes, he's a very generous pieman.

-He gives his pies away.

-And he charges very little.

Very little. Nothing at all, I believe.

Yes, we were very lucky to get this fella.

You don't see many Tudor piemen

around these days but this one is very committed.

He lives his whole life dressed like that and who are we to judge?

Oh, there we go!

What a lovely shot from Emily!

She takes herself into a two-way tie for the lead.

So, Emily, India, one apiece.

Ross, nothing as yet.

That was an underarm, there, from India.

Interesting technique, the underarm.

Very rarely finds its mark

and Ross may be influenced by India.

He's going for it as well. BELL CHIMES

But there's the bell, so that means that means

we're running short of time,

and I sense an added desperation in some of this flinging.

Particularly, that bit of flinging. That was extraordinary.

Oh, and Emily scores!

And that could be absolutely crucial!

She's gone into a very late lead.

Was that the pie that won her the game?

Don't chuck them all!

-Dave promised me the leftovers.

-I did.

There are seconds remaining now.

I think Emily might have this.

Oh, and there's a last chance and that's gone

way over Henry's head. HORN HONKS

It's all over here and Emily has won the round.

Oh, brilliant!

Gory Gamers, return to your podiums, please.

Fantastic. How did you feel it went?

Very frustrating but very fun.

-Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

-Emily, come and collect yourself

the final Year Sphere.

Look at that. Wonderful.

Are we almost done?

Cos someone's going to have to clean up all those dropped pies

and that someone is me!

Yummy. Ha-ha-ha!

Honestly, where do you put all the food you eat?

Well, ultimately, it all ends up in the sewer.

You see, what happens...

-Yes, thank you.

-But...

-We... We know how it all works.

OK, time to count up those Year Spheres and, remember,

AD years are added to your total

and BC years are subtracted

so, even though you've got different numbers of spheres,

anyone can still win at this stage.

OK, Emily, let's see your first sphere.

1901 AD - the death of Queen Victoria.

Let's have a look at the second one.

1536 - the year Anne Boleyn was executed.

That gives you a total of 3,437 - a very good score.

Ross, let's see what you've got.

1666 AD - the Great Fire of London.

399 BC -

Greek philosopher Socrates was executed that year.

Let's have a look at that third one.

1805 AD - the Battle of Trafalgar.

That gives you a total of 3,072 so you're just shy of Emily.

India, it's all down to you.

Let's have a look at that last sphere.

Oh, it's 30 BC -

the death of Queen Cleopatra,

and that means today's winner,

with 3,437 points,

is Emily, who goes home with our "star prize",

and I'd just like to say, today's prize really is amazing.

Unfortunately, I can't, because, once again,

it's some old tat plucked out of the Time Sewer

by my filthy friend here.

What is the prize, Rattus?

It's a Celtic prize,

and it once belonged to the enemy of a Celtic warrior.

It's a severed head preserved with cedar oil -

perfect for decorating your front door.

You're not seriously suggesting that Emily sticks that

on her front door, are you, Rattus?

It worked for the Celts. They loved to show them off.

Yeah, but, hang a severed head from your door nowadays

and pretty quickly your friends are going to stop coming around.

Yeah, but so will salesmen, that nosy neighbour

and all those annoying relatives at Christmas.

All right. It's a fair argument. Emily, I really am terribly sorry.

Try not to look at it too much,

-particularly when you're just about to go to sleep.

-Ha-ha-ha!

It just remains for me to say thanks to our winner, Emily.

Thanks to our gallant runners-up, Ross and India,

and no thanks whatsoever to Rattus.

My absolute pleasure.

Aw...

You've been watching Gory Games. Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Next time, why not play along

by downloading the Gory Games App from the CBBC website?

# Keep watching

# We'll be back again

# With Horrible Histories Gory Games

# Horrible Histories Gory...

# ..Games! #