Episode 4 HH: Gory Games Play Along

# If mummies, rats and fleas ain't your thing

# And you don't like the sound of an exploding king

# If you're easily scared and don't laugh at poo

# You'd better turn off This show ain't for you

# Still watching? Then let's test your brains

# With Horrible Histories Gory Games

# Horrible Histories Gory...

# ..Games! #

The important thing, Rattus, is that you're ready,

when we start the show, you're ready and ready to go...

Hello. Hello there and welcome to Gory Games with me Dave Lamb

and my assistant Rattus Rattus.

And my assistant, Marcus the Flea.

-Oh, no biting, Marcus, we're on television.

-Yes.

This is the show where you get to test your knowledge

of Horrible Histories...

..with quirky quiz questions...

Come on, Marcus, this is your line.

Marcus?

-Oh, my flea's gone all shy.

-HE LAUGHS

-MARCUS FARTS

-Oh, Marcus we're on TV.

DAVE GROANS IN FRUSTRATION ..and Gory Games.

Without further ado, let's meet today's Horrible Historians.

Hi, I'm Dionne.

Hi, I'm Melissa.

Hi, I'm Lloyd.

Welcome on board, Lloyd.

Remember, you can play along at home too using the Gory Games app.

If you haven't got it yet, check out the CBBC website.

Right, Dionne, Melissa and Lloyd,

you are playing to win Year Spheres, OK?

Each Year Sphere contains a historical date

and at the end of the show, your Sphere dates will be added up,

with AD dates being 'aDded' to your total

and BC dates being 'suBtraCted' from it.

So if these were your Year Spheres, for example,

your total would be..? Rattus?

Huh? Ooh, erm...

approximately 12.

No, it's 735.

I know. I was being very approximate.

Ignore him. At the end of the show,

the person with the highest year score

will win a unique historical prize.

That's right. Just a little something I've picked up.

Please do bear in mind that the last thing he picked up was the plague.

Oi!

Right, let's get cracking and to find out who this round's about,

it's over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Gorgeous Georgians.

And your four Georgian topics are:

Dionne, you get first pick seeing as it's the first round,

so pick away, please.

-Teeth.

-Let's hear the question.

True or false -

our Georgian dentists used whalebones to make false teeth.

So, true or false - Georgian dentists used whalebones

to make false teeth.

Let's see your answers now, please.

Well, Melissa and Lloyd going for true, Dionne going for false.

Let's find out who's right.

It's false.

But they did use walrus tusks.

Thankfully, they cut them down a bit first though.

-HE LAUGHS HEARTILY

-Marvellous.

Yes, thankfully.

Dionne, you've got off to a flying start, well done.

Melissa, it's your turn to pick a topic.

-Fashion, please.

-Fashion it is.

Is this true or is it false?

So, what do you think?

Is that true or is that false?

Let's see your answers now, please.

You've all gone for true.

Interesting. Let's find out if you're right.

OK, in fact it's...

-..true.

-It is true.

The huge dresses were called Mantua dresses

and many doorways had to be enlarged

so that ladies in these massive dresses could actually fit through.

Excuse me, does my bum look big in this?

Yes? Oh, good.

That's what they were after. RATTUS CACKLES

Lloyd, it's your turn to pick a topic.

I'll go with Milk.

Milk. Now that is a prop question.

It's a prop question. I like the prop questions.

Oh, my word.

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

Eurgh. That is a bucket of dirty milk.

Oh, it really is horrible. Here's the question relating to it.

True or false - Georgian milkmaids carried milk through town

in buckets and the milk usually had lice, spit and hair in it.

RATTUS SMACKS HIS LIPS Is that true or is that false?

Show me your answers now, please.

Dionne's gone for false, Melissa and Lloyd have both gone for true.

I can tell you that the answer is true.

The milk was filthy.

And it's absolutely delicious.

I'll put this down here.

Just lick that little mark up there, would you, Rattus?

Fantastic. Right, so everyone on two points.

It's very, very exciting.

One question left in this round and it's a question on Napoleon.

True or false - before a long march, Napoleon's French soldiers

would sometimes put an egg into each boot.

Interesting. True or false -

before a long march, Napoleon's French soldiers would

sometimes put an egg into each boot Let's see your answers now, please.

Dionne's gone for true.

Melissa and Lloyd have gone for false.

Let's see who's right.

It's true.

They thought this helped sooth blistered feet.

-RATTUS LAUGHS

-Eh, I guess they ended up

with a cheese omelette at the end of the march. Yummy.

Yes, horrible.

Dionne, congratulations, that means that you've won the quiz.

Time to choose your Year Sphere from our Trolley Wally.

Will you not call me that. Oh.

Oh, I hate it when it's all the way down here.

It's such a long way, argh.

-Hello, Dionne.

-Hello.

Come and choose your Year Sphere, whichever one you want.

Watch out though, there could be a Stone Age date in one of them

that's worth a few million minus points.

Ho-ho-ho-ho.

So, winning the quiz means that Dionne is automatically

through to play the Georgian Game, but will she be alone

or will everyone get to play? Let's find out.

It's an All Play Silly Game,

so that means it's off down the Time Sewer with the lot of you.

Off you go, Lloyd. It stinks, by the way.

-Eurgh!

-In you go, Melissa.

Eurgh, that stinks.

I know it does. Go on, then, down you go.

SHE SHRIEKS AND THEY MAKES NOISES OF DISGUST

Oh, it stinks in here.

Eeeee!

Now, Georgians were famous for wearing huge wigs

which were invariably infested with hundreds of bugs.

So, it's time to play:

Loads of fleas and lice will be

flinging themselves from a giant Georgian wig.

You have to catch as many bugs in your hair net and wig as possible.

The player who catches the most wins the Year Sphere.

Are you ready? Steady?

Let the flea circus begin.

HOOTER BLASTS

Here we are then, a Georgian flea fling

and already, the bugs of many shapes and sizes are coming out of the wig.

There's one now. Rattus, you must love this game.

I do love it.

I love this game for a whole myriad

of reasons.

My fleas are only a couple of millimetres

across, whereas these fleas are humungous.

These fleas have been fed quite a lot

of human growth hormone in order to get them up to the size

required for this game.

Not strictly legal but it's something we enjoy.

I think Melissa's actually managed to catch one of the bugs

-on her hair.

-You're absolutely right.

There's one hanging on to the edge

of her wig. That's got to be

a bit off-putting but it will of course count

towards her final total.

It certainly will.

I wonder if the contestants want to catch some of my bugs.

They're small but perfectly formed.

And they're absolutely disgusting, Rattus.

Don't you go near the contestants with them.

30 seconds remaining.

I believe, Dave, this is the only show on network television

where children are actually encouraged

to catch lice.

It's so wrong, it's right.

And talking of lice, look, there's another one on Melissa's head.

She's got two now on that wig alone.

A lot of these fleas seem to pop in as well

and then bounce out again as they reach

-for other ones.

-Well, that's the fleas

for you. Fleas bounce all over the place,

whereas lice tend to stick and stay

where they are, you can't get rid

of them even with a preparatory cream, Dave.

You can't. And a third flea now on Melissa's wig.

I think we're coming towards the end

of this game. Time is running out

here and that is in fact the end.

-It's all over.

-That is in fact the end

and looking at that, I can tell you that the score is 35-31-20.

You're extraordinary.

I know.

Back behind your podiums, please. That was tremendous.

That was a tremendous effort.

But the winner with 35 bugs was Dionne.

Well done, Dionne, help yourself to another Year Sphere, Dionne.

Two Year Spheres. No Year Spheres yet for the other but plenty of time

to catch up and to find up whose up next, it's over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Vile Victorians. Good day.

And here are your all-important Victorian topics.

Melissa, it's your turn to pick first.

Florence Nightingale.

True or false - famous Victorian nurse Florence Nightingale

-used to have a pet ferret which she kept in her pocket.

-Mmm.

True or false - famous Victorian nurse Florence Nightingale

used to have a pet ferret which she kept in her pocket.

Melissa and Lloyd going for false.

Dionne for true. Let's find out what the answer is.

It's false.

Florence used to keep a pet owl in her pocket

who she called Athena.

That's a nice name.

Right, Lloyd, your turn to pick a topic.

Gadgets, please.

Gadgets. And that is a prop question.

-It's a prop question.

-It's a prop question.

Ohh, look at that.

That is a genuine Victorian contraption

for removing rotten teeth.

Is that true or is that false?

So, this genuine Victorian contraption

was for removing rotten teeth.

The girls are going for false, Lloyd out on his own with true.

The answer is...

false. Unfortunately.

It is in fact for peeling peaches, believe it or not.

Alternatively, you can leave the peaches to rot

for a couple of weeks, then suck them up with a straw.

Delish.

That's if you're a rat.

There's the scores, so, Melissa, you're in the lead this round

with two points. Dionne and Lloyd you have a point apiece.

All still to play for.

Dionne, your turn to choose next.

Poetry, please.

What do you think? Is this true or false?

This might be my favourite question ever.

Show me your answers now, please.

Everybody has gone for true.

Interesting.

The fact of the matter is,

it's true.

RATTUS LAUGHS

There once was a poet most smart,

whose lyrics were praised as high art.

He mimed doing a poo on an imaginary loo,

but one thing was real.

-HE MAKES A FARTING SOUND

-His fart!

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Thank you, Rattus. RATTUS LAUGHS

You're in the lead, Melissa. One question left this round

and it's a question on:

True or false -

Queen Victoria was the shortest monarch in British history.

So, was Queen Victoria the shortest adult monarch in British history?

Let's see your answers now, please.

Everybody has gone for true.

Let's find out.

It's true. Victoria was only five foot tall.

I guess that old crown added a few inches, though,

I could do with one of those myself. I'm four foot five.

Short in stature, long in reign.

And at the end of that round, Melissa, you have a full house.

You've scored four out of four and that means you've won a Year Sphere.

Congratulations.

OK, Melissa, as the winner of the quiz,

you're through to play the Victorian Game,

but will be just your or will the others gets to play too?

It's a Single Player Brainy Game.

So, Melissa, it's off down the Time Sewer with you on your own.

It really does stink.

DAVE COUGHS Crikey.

Eccentric Victorian William Buckland loved natural history and filled

his house with every kind of animal, then proceeded to eat them all.

In fact, he ate all sorts of unusual foods,

like for instance, mouse on toast.

It's time to play:

Seven bizarre foodstuffs then, but two weren't eaten by barmy Buckland.

You have to work out which five things he really consumed.

Choose five and move them to the eaten board,

then touch the mouse on toast to find out how many you've got right.

Keep trying new combinations of names until you've got all five,

but you've got to be quick because you're against the clock.

Your time starts now. HOOTER BLASTS

So then, what does Melissa think that barmy Buckland used to eat?

Her first choice, I can tell you, is roast giraffe.

And talking of roast giraffe, Rattus, don't forget you can

of course play along at home with the Gory Games App.

The mummified heart of Louis XIV, an elephant's trunk.

What a varied diet he had.

If this is right, what an extraordinary diet the man had.

Stewed bluebottles is next. She's doing very well.

She assessing this and doing it quickly. A mole.

-On to the mouse on toast.

-You have all five right.

She's done it already. Extraordinary!

Here you are, I got you a tea. Is she ready to start?

-It's finished.

-What?

Melissa, help yourself to a Year Sphere.

That's right, Buckland didn't eat a dodo,

a species which had died out long before Buckland was born.

Nor did he eat the mummified toe of Pharaoh Tutankhamen,

whose tomb was not discovered until after Buckland had died.

But Buckland really did eat all the others. Yeah!

Including the mummified heart of Louis XIV. Eurgh.

Apparently, he said, "I have eaten many strange things

"but have never eaten the heart of a king before."

Nor I, to my knowledge,

but who knows what meat they actually put in a hot dog, eh?

Over to the Gory Grid to find out what's up next.

It's the Measly Middle Ages.

Four questions as always

and here are your four Middle Ages topics.

Lloyd, it's your turn to pick first. Pick a topic.

-Monks, please.

-Monks.

One wise monk wrote all about Britain's early history.

His name was Bede, but by what name is he better know?

A - the venerable Bede,

B - the honourable Bede

or C - boring Bede?

Let's see your answers now, please.

The girls are going for Bs.

Lloyds out on his own with an A. Let's see who's right.

The answer is A - the venerable Bede.

Which means he was admired and respected.

Much like the venerable Dave.

What do you want, Rattus?

Nothing. Well, can I have a go in your Jacuzzi?

It's not a Jacuzzi, it's a toilet.

I know, but can I anyway?

Help yourself.

Lloyd, you're off to a cracking start -

one point on the board already.

Dionne, it's your turn to choose a topic.

Erm, Cures.

Oh, it's a prop question.

Let's see it. Ho-ho-ho-ho!

There it is.

This is a magpie's beak,

but why would a person from the Middle Ages

wear it around their neck?

Would it be A - for good luck,

B - to cure toothache

or C - to ward off demons and ghosts?

Show me your answers now, please.

You've all gone for C.

You all think it's to ward off demons and ghosts.

Well, I can tell you that the actual answer is...

B. It's a cure for toothache.

Dave doesn't need a cure. He's got false teeth.

OK, you're on a final warning now.

-Again?

-Yeah, again.

Melissa, your turn to choose a topic.

-Can I have sport, please?

-Sport.

A man called John Rivers found his Lord's hunting hawk

on the roof of his house but failed to report it.

What was his punishment?

A - he was fined 100 shillings,

B - he had one of his hands cut off

or C - he had flesh cut from his chest and fed to the hawk?

Let's see your answers now then, please.

Very interesting.

Lloyd and Dionne going for Cs, Melissa for B.

Let's find out who's right.

The answer is C.

He had 6oz of flesh cut from his chest and fed to the hawk.

I'm guessing he didn't do that again.

-Even that makes me feel queasy.

-HE RETCHES

Hold it in, Rattus, I don't want to see any sick on the table.

Good man. OK, through to the final question now, this round.

Lloyd, you've got two points, you can't be caught by Melissa

but you can still be caught by Dionne.

So, the final question is on kings. Let's hear what it is.

Richard the Lionheart was King of England for ten years

but during this time, how long was he actually in England?

A - ten years,

B - two years

or C - six months?

What do you think? Is it A, B or C?

Let's see your answers now, please.

Dionne and Lloyd going for C, Melissa for A.

Let's find out what the actual answer is.

C - six months.

He spent all his time crusading because he hated England.

I guess he wasn't a big fan of rain and mud.

Excellent. At the end of that round, Lloyd, you have won yourself

your first Year Sphere. Congratulations.

So, Lloyd, you're through to play the Middle Ages game, but will it

be All Play or will you be playing on your own? Let's find out.

It's a Single Player Silly Game.

Hmm, so, Lloyd, get down that Time Sewer.

HE YELLS

And he was gone.

Picture the scene.

It's the court of King Louis XI of France in the 1400s

and he has just been delivered a musical instrument,

the like of which has never been seen before.

It's time to play the:

The instrument consisted of pigs of different sizes and a keyboard.

Play a key and a little spike would prick a piggy and make it squeal.

The larger the pig, the deeper the squeal.

Your challenge is to listen to and repeat a sequence of piggy squeals.

The sequence will get one squeal longer each time.

Correctly repeat nine squeals within the time limit to win a Year Sphere.

Get one note wrong and er, well, you'll find out.

Let's get squealing.

HOOTER BLASTS

So, Lloyd attempts pig piano. Here comes his first sequence.

There it is. He's got to replicate that, remember,

In order to stay in the game.

One mistake and it's all over.

I have to reiterate that. He's made a good start though, Rattus.

He's made an excellent start, Dave.

My fear is if he goes wrong cos these pigs have all been

eating chocolate ice cream and raw onions, all morning.

Oh, well that-that could be terrible news for Lloyd because

if he does go wrong, something unspeakable happens, I'm afraid.

But he's not gone wrong yet. That's four.

He's done the second sequence, moving on to five.

PIGS SQUEAL

Now it's up to Lloyd to repeat that. Yes, a good start.

The fourth and I think the fifth one was the green.

-Oh, no. Oh, I think he's gone wrong. Oh, no.

-He's gone wrong.

-Oh, no.

-It's missed, he's swerved out of the way of it, though.

He's cleverly avoided that, I like that very much.

What is happening to that pig?

It's having the most confusing poo I've ever seen.

Welcome back, Lloyd. Take your place behind your podium.

Bad luck, bad luck.

There have been numerous reports of the legendary pig piano throughout

history and they've had different names, like the hog harmonium.

The swineaway.

The pig organ.

The pigarno.

And if you'd like instructions on how to build your own pig piano,

then I'm going to report you to the RSPCA.

RATTUS LAUGHS

I will do it, don't test me on that one.

Lloyd that was extraordinary. Very difficult

but what I liked is the way you swerved the poo at the end.

Yeah, spoilsport.

We were quite looking forward to seeing someone getting

covered in poo but you body-swerved it nicely.

Time for the final round.

It's over to the Gory Grid one last time to find out what we've got.

It's the Vicious Vikings.

So, no Quirky Quiz in our final round.

It's straight to our big All Play Viking Endgame.

And it's a scary one.

Let's see you get down that Time Sewer one last time.

Eurgh!

You never get used to it - it's absolutely revolting.

Stinks in here.

Eeeee!

Picture the scene - it's 793 AD,

you are a monk, busy minding your own business on the island monastery

of Lindisfarne when suddenly... HE ROARS

RATTUS CLEARS HIS THROAT

..you've got some unwanted visitors.

It's time to play -

Your only hope of survival is that the Vikings won't hear you

so you'd better not step on a squeaky floorboard.

Your challenge is to find the one squeak-free path

through the wooden panels.

Step on a squeaky one and you'll be sent back to the start.

Reach the end of the path and you are faced with two doors.

Choose well - for behind one is freedom, behind the other is...

HE ROARS AGAIN

..the Viking fella with the thing.

Sounded like a weasel with a throat infection.

Well, it's a Viking.

Find him and you have to start all over again.

Ready, steady... HOOTER BLASTS

So, here we go with Viking Attack then. A very cagey start.

One or two squeaky floorboards instantly.

Of course, there is a one in three chance of getting it right

with that first step. Dionne has made the first step

-but not the second.

-No.

-It's a slow start.

It's a difficult one this, though

because there's a one-in-three chance almost all the way up.

It's a game of trial and error

and then you have to remember your errors,

as Melissa hasn't done there.

We should have called this game

Hide And Squeak, Dave.

Yes! Why?

Never mind. Dionne there seems to be having trouble working out

her first step, which is extraordinary.

Lloyd, halfway along now, lovely.

There are those monks at the back there of course,

keeping a close watch on proceedings,

because it's their monastery after all, and don't forget, as Lloyd...

Oh, I thought Lloyd was getting close.

Remember those doors at the end,

they've got two doors each

to choose from. Behind one door lies freedom,

behind the other, an axe-wielding homicidal maniac.

RATTUS CACKLES

Obviously, you're after freedom there.

I said it would be good if they had to

duck flying Viking axes as well.

I remember - I was at that meeting.

-Didn't go for it.

-No, they didn't.

Just as you think they're doing well,

a little mistake creeps in.

I think what's happening here is,

-you're cursing them.

-I think maybe I am.

I think maybe I should stop saying the words, "Doing well."

Look at that - Dionne's...

Argh, even if I don't say them, I curse them.

-You're thinking it.

-Even if I just think

-them.

-Just by thinking it.

In that case, I'm going to have to control

my mind, very, very closely.

What am I talking about?

of course my mind's not having any influence on this at all.

Here's Lloyd. Come on, Lloyd, you're doing very, very well.

-DOOR CREAKS

-Oh, no.

Dionne? Oh, dear. Someone must get there eventually

and Melissa could be that person. Look at this.

This is very impressive, just one more step to go and she's there.

Melissa has actually made it through.

Now, this is where it gets very,

very interesting. It's a 50/50 chance.

-Oh!

-Oh, it's freedom.

-Excellent choice.

-Freedom.

And she's celebrating rather than being carried off on a stretcher.

Melissa, go and help yourself to another Year Sphere. Fantastic.

When Lindisfarne was attacked, monks managed to get away with

one of their most holy relics - the body of St Cuthbert.

They carried it around for seven years to make sure

the Vikings didn't get hold of it.

I've been carrying someone for years, too.

Are you saying you're carrying me cos I'm not up to the job?

No, I was talking about Marcus - my flea.

But now you mention it...

Time to count up those Year Spheres and remember,

AD years are added to your total and BC years are subtracted from it.

So, Dionne, start us off please,

could you open up your first Year Sphere?

Let's find out what's inside.

1871 AD -

the year that Queen Victoria

opened the Albert Hall.

1587 AD -

the execution of Mary Queen of Scots

but that gives you an excellent, excellent total of 3,458.

Melissa, let's see what you've got in your first sphere.

1305 AD -

the execution of William Wallace.

1770 AD -

Captain Cook claims Australia for Britain

in that year.

That gives you a running total at the moment of 3,075.

You need just under 400 positive years to beat Dionne.

Let's open that next sphere.

Oh, my word!

It's 10,000 BC -

Stone Age man first domesticated dogs

about then, but that's no consolation at all,

is it, Melissa? And you've ended up

with a total of minus 6,925.

Lloyd, let's see what you've got

in your Year Sphere.

-It's...

-Ooh!

-..2,500 BC -

the stones were added to Stonehenge that year.

So that means today's winner,

with 3,458 points is Dionne.

Congratulations, Dionne.

Excellent.

Who goes home with our star prize and today's prize is not like

the prizes on any other game show, which is a shame because

it's some old rubbish the rat has dragged out of the Time Sewer.

What have got today, Rattus?

Well, you certainly can't say that this prize is pointless.

In fact, it couldn't have more of a point if it tried, yeah?

It's the tip of a Roman gladiator's spear.

Roman ladies believed it was good luck to comb their hair

with the spear of a dead gladiator.

Exactly how does combing your hair with a spear constitute good luck?

Well, it does if you've always wished for hair that's matted

-with congealed gladiator blood.

-Oh, yeah.

Well, con-RAT-ulations, Dionne.

Yes, there you go, Dionne, so sorry about the blood on it.

Thank you.

Maybe you could display it somewhere you can't it see it.

Well, it just remains for me to say thanks to our winner, Dionne.

Thanks to our runners up, Melissa and Lloyd

and no thanks whatsoever to Rattus.

I aim to please.

You've been watching Gory Games. Goodbye.

So, did you know all the answers? Then prove it.

Next time why not play along by downloading the Gory Games app

from the CBBC website.

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