Episode 5 HH: Gory Games Play Along

# If mummies, rats and fleas ain't your thing

# And you don't like the sound of an exploding king

# If you're easily scared and don't laugh at poo

# You'd better turn off, this show ain't for you

# Still watching?

# Then let's test your brains with Horrible History's Gory Games

# Horrible History's Gory... Games. #

Hello and welcome to Gory Games. I'm Dave Lamb.

And I'm Dave Lamb.

No, you're not, you're Rattus Rattus.

Not any more, turns out you're getting paid more than me

so I've changed my name to Dave Lamb

so that we, quite literally, have the same contract.

And you don't think that this'll cause any confusion?

I wouldn't have thought so.

Can we get on with the show please, Dave?

BOTH: Yes, of course.

BOTH: He means me.

BOTH: This is the show where we test your knowledge of

Horrible Histories with Quirky Quizzes and of course Gory Games.

This is going to be a very long show.

Let's meet today's Horrible Historians.

Hi, I'm Kirsty.

Hi, I'm Oliver.

Hi, I'm Hannah.

Excellent, they're all here.

And you can play along at home too using the brilliant Gory Games App.

If you haven't got it yet go to the CBBC website.

Right, Kirsty, Oliver, Hannah, you are playing to win Year Spheres.

Each Year Sphere contains a historical date and at the end

of the show your Year Spheres will be added up, with the AD dates

being ADded to your total and the BC dates being suBtraCted from it.

-You're so clever.

-It's very clever.

So if these were your Year Spheres, your total would be, Rattus?

Oh, it's...it's between six and 300.

Can you be more specific?

Yes, but I think you should do some of the work.

-It's 735.

-Correct.

And, of course, the person with the highest year

score at the end of the show will take home a unique historical prize.

And the prize I've found for you is

so good that I was really tempted to keep it myself.

Yeah, so we're looking at something at least as good as

rotten potato peelings.

Rotten potato peelings, where, where, where?

Right, let's get cracking

and to find out what this round's about, over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Gorgeous Georgians.

So, four questions on Gorgeous Georgians coming up.

The person who gets the most right wins the first Year Sphere

and your four Georgian topics are...

So, Kirsty, you get to pick first in this round.

Which is it going to be?

-Can I go for heads, please?

-Heads.

That is a prop question and...

It's a severed head.

Right, this is in fact a French aristocrat.

During the French Revolution many aristocrats were

executed on the guillotine

and their decapitated heads were used to make wax replicas.

Now, the woman behind this had a name.

Was it Madame...

Honestly, history. You couldn't make it up.

Let's see your answers now.

OK, so Kirsty and Oliver going for Madame Bonaparte,

Hannah for Madame Tussaud and the answer is...

B, Madame Tussaud.

So, well done, Hannah, founder of Madame Tussauds,

the famous museum of wax replicas of historical figures and celebrities.

Do you know, I don't think nowadays they make wax replicas using

decapitated heads of celebrities.

No, which is a shame in many instances, of course.

Yeah, yeah.

Excellent. Oliver, your turn to pick next, three topics remaining.

Can I go with entertainment?

In 1764 the Duke of Cumberland entertained guests with

an organised fight between...

Which of those animals would fight each other?

Is it A, B or C? Let's see those answers now, please.

Right, Oliver and Hannah going for A, Kirsty for C.

Let's find out who's right.

The answer is A, a tiger and a stag.

If you don't want to know who won, look away now.

Hannah, it's your turn to choose a topic next.

Um, please can I have cures?

Cures.

OK, here we go, good luck.

RATTUS LAUGHS Interesting.

So, is it A, B or C?

OK, Oliver and Kirsty agreeing on A, Hannah going with C.

Let's hear what the answer is.

The answer is, C, wear roast turnip skin behind the ear.

Well, that extra point there means

that you cannot be caught. So, Hannah,

you've won the quiz, time to choose your Year Sphere from Fun Dave.

Push, push, push, push.

Here you go, Hannah, come and pick a Year Sphere, any one you want.

Yes, let's hope it's not the one with a Stone Age date,

though, worth a few million minus points.

Push, push, push, push, push.

Now, winning the quiz means Hannah is automatically through to play

the Georgian Game, but will she be alone or will everyone get to play?

Let's find out.

It's a single player silly game,

so, Hannah, off down the Time Sewer with you.

Good luck in there, deep breath.

-Bye.

-Bye.

-Bye.

Oh, it stinks.

Picture the scene - it's the 21st of October, 1805

and the 27 ships of the British Royal Navy face

the 33 boats of the French and Spanish Navy.

It's time to play...

You are a British Navy gunner. Your mission - to load,

aim and fire your cannon at the enemy ships.

You score a point for every enemy ship you shoot

and lose a point for every British ship you hit.

Score six points in the time limit to win your Year Sphere.

And battle begins...now. HORN HONKS

So here goes Hannah

on her own personal Battle of Trafalgar.

She loads the cannon here,

there we go, lines it up.

Is she going to hit a Spanish galleon or a British ship?

The answer is she's not going to hit anything, Rattus.

You know why it was called Trafalgar, Dull Dave?

Actually, you know what, Fun Dave? I don't think I do.

Because it took place off the coast of Spain,

just west of Cape Trafalgar.

Genuinely interesting.

Oh, oh!

That was a French galleon that has gone down,

so that's one point. Well played, Hannah, lovely.

Well, she's reloaded already -

she's very keen to get in amongst the carnage.

She's missed again there, Rattus, hasn't she?

That's very unfortunate, that.

Yeah. She's reloading. That's the thing,

once you've missed you've got another shot straight away.

And that's another Frenchie down, another Frenchie.

Two correct hits for Hannah, she's doing extremely well.

Hannah seems to have very good sea legs, Dave.

She does, she's wobbling on that platform, remember.

It was my idea to have the springs added.

Yeah, and it was a good idea.

You see there that that ship is moving from side to side

so she's doing extremely well. She takes another. Hello.

Who's this coming into the game? There is a seagull in the way.

Well, I guess the only answer is just to ignore it

and hope it flies off. I mean, this is a battle, after all,

you shouldn't really be concentrating on the wildlife.

-The seagull was my idea too.

-You're not helping, Rattus.

-I'm not, am I?

-RATTUS LAUGHS

But Hannah's managing to ignore it. Excellent seamanship.

Ho, ho! And she's sunk another French galleon.

30 seconds remaining.

She's doing extremely well, although I have to say

the clock is ticking - she's running out of time here.

Has she got enough time left

to get the six galleons that she needs?

Oh, there's number five.

That Spanish galleon won't be going anywhere other than downwards.

And that means she just needs one more.

We really are running out of time now,

probably about 15 seconds left,

and she just needs one more ship.

She's probably got about ten seconds left.

And she's done it! Stand aside, Lord Nelson,

it's Hannah's turn to take the glory.

Hannah, welcome back, collect your Year Sphere.

In the real battle, 22 ships of the enemy fleets were sunk

without a single British vessel being lost.

Which I think we can safely say is the last time a British team won

anything 22-0.

On to round two, and to find out what's up next,

it's over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Awful Egyptians.

Here are your all-important Egyptian topics...

So, Oliver, it's your turn to pick first this time. Pick away.

Can I go with Pharaohs?

You certainly can, sir.

Around 1800 BC, pharaohs stopped being buried in pyramids

and were buried underground instead. Why was this?

Was it...?

Was it A, because they ran out of stone?

Was it B, to stop people stealing the treasure?

Or was it C, because they wanted to be nearer to the underworld?

Show me your answers now.

All B's, tremendous, let's hear if you're all right.

The answer is B.

They were buried underground so people couldn't find them

to steal their treasure.

So, Hannah, your turn to pick. Pick away.

Can I have Egyptian Gods, please?

Here's what I want to know.

Was it A, a bird, B, a rat or C, an elephant?

Let's see your answers now, please.

The girls both going for A, Oliver for C,

let's hear the correct answer.

The answer is A.

The Egyptian God of Wisdom had the head of a bird.

Though obviously the head of a rat would have made a lot more sense.

Absolutely! Kirsty, your turn to pick a topic.

Can I have sport, please?

You're lucky because this is a question from Rattus.

From Fun Dave.

Thank you very much.

What was the most dangerous sport in Egypt for posh people?

Was it A, lion hunting, B, hyena hunting or C, hippo hunting?

Oh, tricky question, Fun Dave!

So, what do you think? Is it A, B or C?

Let's see your answers now.

Wow, all three Cs again. Fun Dave.

I can tell you the answer is C. Yes, you're all right.

Hippos are extremely dangerous - they still kill more humans

than any other animal in Africa. Isn't that amazing?

OK, and the final question this round is on Magicians.

Let's hear what it is.

Pharaoh Cheops built the Great Pyramid

and he also had one of the first ever magicians, called Dedi.

But what was Dedi's famous trick?

Was it...?

Or C, he could cut off a goose's head and put it back alive?

Was it A, disappear?

Could he B, levitate,

or could he C, cut off a goose's head and put it back alive?

Let's see your answers now.

Oh, complete agreement once again, everyone going for C.

Let's find out if you're right.

The answer is C.

He could cut off a goose's head and put it back alive.

He also did the same trick with an ox,

but he refused to try it out with a man.

Yes, that's probably because it was all just a trick.

A trick, you say? I'll have Dedi's head chopped off and see

if he can put it back on again.

RATTUS LAUGHS

Well, that's the end of the round and we've got a tie,

with two maximums. Kirsty and Hannah, you've got every question

in that round right. It's time for you two to put your fingers on your

buzzers because what we're going to have here is a buzzer question.

Beginning with the letter C, which famous Queen of Egypt dated

two famous Romans, Mark Anthony and Julius Caesar?

-Yes, Hannah.

-Cleopatra.

Cleopatra is the right answer,

Hannah, you've won yourself another Year Sphere.

As the quiz winner, Hannah,

you're also through to play the Egyptian game.

But will it be just you or will the others get to play too?

Let's find out.

It's an all play silly game, so that means

it's time for you all to go off down the Time Sewer.

One at a time. Go on, Hannah, down you go, you know the way.

-Bye.

-Follow Hannah if I were you, Oliver, lovely.

-Bye.

-Bye.

Now, King Pepi had an original solution to the fly

problem in ancient Egypt.

He'd pour pots of honey over some slaves

and stand them in the corners of the room.

RATTUS LAUGHS

It's so obvious when you think about it, isn't it?

Your challenge is to catch as many flies on your honey suit

and fly swat as possible.

The person who catches the most flies in the time limit

wins the Year Sphere. And here come those pesky flies.

It's time to play...

HORN HONKS So here we are.

They are covered in honey, they've got their fly swats

and they're trying to catch as many flies as they can.

And what an excellent start that is from Hannah, she's got two

flies on there already. Rattus, this is a good game, isn't it?

It's one of my favourite ones.

It's sweet and it's gooey.

What's not to love?

And don't forget you can get stuck in

at home as well, of course, with the Gory Games App.

Just wash your hands afterwards.

Flies coming from all angles now,

they're standing all quite near the front.

With the exception of Kirsty

they're scoring fairly heavily.

Kirsty a little bit slow off the mark

but she's gone to the back of the room,

and you have to think that's a mistake,

what with all the flies being at the front.

None of them stuck to them themselves yet.

No, it doesn't appear the honey is attracting

the flies in the way that one would hope.

Oh, hang on, there was a fly stolen there!

Oliver has stolen a fly.

Don't worry, the officials will be all over that,

that'll get taken off his score.

Oh, look out, look out!

Oliver's got a fly on his head.

Oh, doesn't he look a bit silly with that on?

But what a tremendous catch.

Oh, hello! Kirsty's got one too, superb!

That means Hannah is the only one left without a fly on her head.

She'll be absolutely furious about that.

Oh, dear me.

BUZZER SOUNDS And there's the buzzer.

Well, it's all over. Hannah's finally got a fly on her head

but that won't count.

But it doesn't matter, Hannah has done it.

Help yourself to another Year Sphere, Hannah.

Over to the Gory Grid to find out what's up next.

It's the Vicious Vikings.

And here are your four Viking topics...

Hannah, it's your turn to pick first.

Um, please can I have Viking Heaven?

That, very excitingly, is a prop question.

There we go. Vikings believed that in Valhalla, Viking heaven,

dead warriors would drink from the skulls of their enemies.

Oh, this question is disgusting. I love it.

So is that true or is it false?

Let's see your answers now.

Oh, well you've all gone for true

and I can tell you you're all absolutely right, it is true.

Kirsty, it's your turn.

Um, can I have battle, please?

Battle.

Is this true or false?

Sorry, I missed that. Could you repeat the question?

To make them look more fierce in battle

they put make-up on their faces.

So, is that true or is it false?

Kirsty and Oliver going for false, Hannah on her own with true.

It's true.

Yes, it's absolutely true, they wore eyeliner made from ash.

Yeah, it probably made them look a bit girlie

but no-one was ever brave enough to tell them.

RATTUS LAUGHS

Actually, you are quite good fun, Dave. Good for you.

Oliver, your turn to pick a topic.

Can I go with Viking Myth, please?

Yes, you can. Let's hear that question.

True or false - we believe the first man and woman came from a volcano.

Right. Vikings believed the first man and woman came from a volcano.

Is that true or is that false?

Let's see your answers now, please.

Well, three falses, let's see if you're all right or wrong.

It's false, they came from the sweat of a giant armpit, obviously.

Eurgh, from the sweat of a giant's armpit?

Even I find that disgusting and I'm a rat.

That must be very, very disgusting, then.

Here is the final question of this round.

True or false - in the year 1004, when the people of Norwich offered

us money to stop raiding them, we graciously accepted and went home?

In 1004 AD, when the people of Norwich offered money to stop

the Vikings raiding them, they accepted and went home.

Is that true or is that false?

Let's see your answers now, please.

Hannah goes with true, the other two with false.

Let's hear the answer.

It's false, we did take their money but then we robbed

and destroyed Norwich anyway.

-HE LAUGHS

-it was brilliant fun.

That means you've all ended up with three points each

and we go to our buzzer question.

Fingers on your buzzers.

Beginning with the letter T,

which day of the week is named after the Viking God of Thunder Thor?

Oliver.

Is it Thursday?

-It is Thursday, Oliver.

-Yes!

Congratulations, you've won yourself a Year Sphere.

Go and collect it.

OK, Oliver, you're through to play the Viking game but will it

be just you or will everyone else get to play too?

Let's find out.

It's a single-player brainy game. Off down the Time Sewer with you.

-Go on, I know it stinks.

-Bye.

-Bye.

-Bye.

DAVE SPLUTTERS

Vikings didn't just raid Britain, many of them settled here

and some Viking words have become part of the English language.

Seven words, then, but two don't come from the Vikings.

Your challenge, to work out which five do.

Choose five words and move them to the Viking board,

then touch the Viking Axe - mind your fingers, though -

to find out how many you've got right.

Keep trying new combinations of names until you've got all five,

but you've got to be quick because you're against the clock.

It's time to play...

HORN BLOWS

So, can Oliver find those five genuine Viking words?

First up, slaughter.

Slaughter.

Sounds right, doesn't it?

-There you go, he's gone for crash second.

-Crash!

Do you know, Dave,

in our rat language we don't have a word for disgusting.

I'm not surprised.

He's not exactly rushing, is he, Rattus?

He's not, he's taking his time.

But he's considering every move he's making, Dave,

and I like to see that in a young man -

-consideration.

-ARGH!

You have four right.

So, now he has to get tactical.

Cake goes. In comes skull for cake.

A good substitution, do you think, Rattus?

I'm not so sure if skull is a good substitute, Dave.

Four right.

Well, neither's Oliver. Look, he's gone back

and he's got rid of skull straight away.

I was wondering, Dave, is your skull as old as you are?

I'm not answering that.

Oh, and he's got fewer.

He's only got three right now,

so that means both wrong answers

are up there somewhere.

I wonder if juggle is one of them?

He's taken that one away and replaced it.

Let's see how many he's left.

Oh, he's going to make two changes at once.

Well, this is a bit unusual because it means

he won't know which ones are wrong and right, doesn't it, Rattus?

Well, I said a moment ago, Dave, I thought he was considering it.

I don't think he's considering it at all, now he's panicking...

-Four right.

-..and picking up any old card.

Well, you say that, but he has got four right.

So what's coming off?

Slaughter is coming off.

Slaughter is coming off and on in its place goes juggle.

How many has he got?

-Three right.

-Three right,

so we can deduce from that that juggle is not one of the words.

-30 seconds remaining.

-There's only 30 seconds to go.

Die's going on but this is random stuff.

He's making many changes again at once,

things changing left, right and centre.

He's not touching the axe.

Touch the axe! He's touched the axe.

He's got four of them right

but I'm sure he's got no idea which ones they are.

Crash has come off now, Rattus.

I think he's just clutching at straws.

-I fear he is, Dave.

-How's that?

He's still got four right.

-Time's up.

-HORN SOUNDS

-And he's run out of time.

-Run out of time.

Oh, Oliver, you didn't find the words.

Welcome back, Oliver, bad luck. In fact, wound is a Saxon word

and juggle comes from Medieval French,

so I'm afraid, Oliver, no Year Sphere there.

But crash, die, slaughter

and skull are all words we get from the Vikings as, bizarrely, is cake.

So let me get this right.

Once the Vikings have crashed into your home screaming, "Die,"

and have slaughtered everyone by crushing their skulls,

they settle down for a nice piece of cake.

Yeah, something like that, yeah.

Time for the final round, I think.

Over to the Gory Grid to find out what we've got.

It's the Measly Middle Ages.

No quirky quiz in our final round,

it's straight to our big all play Middle Ages endgame,

and let me tell you, this is a very, very messy one.

So, time for everyone to get down that Time Sewer.

-In you go.

-Bye.

-Well done. Bye, Hannah.

-Bye.

Bye, Kirsty. Look out.

And when I say messy, I really mean messy as you're going gong farming.

Yes. Gong, I'm afraid, was a Middle Ages word for poop,

and your job is to collect the gong from the cesspit,

carry it along your lane and slop it into your measuring cylinder.

Whoever collects the most collects the Year Sphere.

But beware, some Middle Ages types would just poo directly

onto the street below, so mind your heads.

Right, then, it's time to play...

HORN SOUNDS

We're off and running with the gong farming.

This is one of your favourites, isn't it, Rattus?

It certainly is, Dave.

Yeah, it really is a messy game, this one,

and Hannah is first there.

She's first to get the gong down.

So's Kirsty, there she goes. What a full bucket-load she's got

there - let's hope she makes it back with all of that.

I have to say, Oliver seems to be struggling to actually

get into the game at all here.

Hannah delivers her first payload.

What about that, Rattus?

Excellent, excellent move there from Hannah.

Unfortunately Oliver's shed his load,

whereas Kirsty delivers almost a full one.

That's an excellent effort from Kirsty.

Yeah, poor old Oliver,

I'm not sure he's going to cut it as a gong farmer.

I'm not sure it's the right career for him.

But Hannah is an excellent gong farmer.

There's her second brimful load of poo being delivered there.

Oliver can only dream of delivering that much gong.

Of course, when we say gong,

that is in fact poop we're talking about,

-isn't it, Dave?

-That is poop,

although I should point out at this stage

that this is not actually

real poo that we're using here.

-What, is it not?

-No, sorry.

What's the point of it if it's not real?

-I'm sorry you had to find out like that, Rattus.

-Huh.

But the game's progressing nicely here.

Oliver delivering a little bundle of poop there,

but that's his first one.

He's only got a little smudge, really,

in the bottom of his little cylinder there.

But he's heading back anyway. Brave lad, Oliver...

Oh, he's fallen over.

Oh, dear me, Oliver, he's stuck half...

But he's got a smile on his face.

He's enjoying himself, isn't he, Rattus?

I don't know if that's a smile or just gas.

No, I'm sure it's a smile, Rattus.

But here we go,

here's Hannah coming through to get more poop.

They really are doing remarkably well.

Of course the poop is spilling out of the buckets

and making those lanes slippery.

Oh, oh, oh, Kirsty nearly went over there.

She nearly went over but she's delivered another

remarkably full bucket-load there.

Look at that going in there,

that's an enormous amount of poo.

That really is the most poo I've seen in one place

since that herd of cows got trapped in my back garden

and that wasn't pretty, I can tell you.

Dear, oh, dear.

Oh! That's the point I was about to mention

and straight away we see Hannah

slipping in the poo from the windows above.

-What a mess that was.

-30 seconds remaining.

30 seconds left

and it's going to be very difficult now.

Oh, she's over again!

Oh, dear me. She looks a little bit tired

and weary now and not much poo

went into the measuring cylinder that time.

Oliver's put it on his head,

he's wearing it as a hat!

Surely that's a massive mistake.

Never put a bucket of poo on your head -

that is the first rule of gong farming.

The second rule of gong farming,

never talk about gong farming.

There's Kirsty rolling around in the filth.

Time's up!

And it's all over! Well, it's all over.

Oh, just at the end there Oliver flew out of the lane.

A man, poo dripping from his hat, he's never looked happier.

So Hannah wins it by a snip -

she got more in the jar than she did on her head,

unlike Oliver. What a superb effort.

Welcome back, Gory Gamers.

Hannah, please collect your Year Sphere.

There we are.

Gong farming wasn't the most pleasant job in the world but

because of that it was actually very well paid.

Oh, come on, surely you do a job like that just for the love of it?

You are so very weird.

It's time now to count up those Year Spheres.

And remember, the AD years are added to your total

and the BC years are subtracted from it.

Kirsty, we're going to start with you.

I'm going to take a wild guess at your score and I'm going to say that

it's nought, but don't worry, because with the BC totals flying

around, it is quite possible that nought could be the winning score.

Oliver, I'm going to ask you to reveal your score.

212 BC, death of the Greek inventor and scientist Archimedes.

That means that, Kirsty, you are in the lead.

Hannah's spheres are to be opened next.

Let's start with that one, lovely.

1840 AD, the Penny Black becomes the first stamp.

So you're off the mark well. Let's have a look at that next one.

1792 AD. Gas lighting was invented that year.

Let's have a look at the third.

1483 AD, Richard III became King of England.

This is turning into a very good total at the moment.

Let's have a look at the fourth one.

991 AD, Vikings won the Battle of Maldon.

It all hinges on this last sphere. What have we got here?

It's another A -, 476 AD, the fall of the Roman Empire.

So that means that today's winner, with 6,582 points, is Hannah.

The good news is that you are taking home the star prize, the bad news

is that I'm afraid it's been fished out of the Time Sewers by

my flea-bitten colleague here. What do you have for us today, Rattus?

Well, the prize today is some exclusive footwear.

Well, something off a foot that you'd wear.

Yes, all the way from the Incan Empire,

it's your very own llama toenail bracelet.

Oh. I can literally think of nothing more horrible.

Er, well, I fished it out of the sewers,

so try and imagine how it looked before I washed it.

Yeah, yeah, no, thanks for that, Rattus, thank you.

Here you go then, Hannah, there is your prize.

I'm terribly sorry it's just a load of old toenails

but, er, that's life.

It just remains for me to say thanks to our champion, Hannah,

thanks to our gallant runners up, Kirsty and Oliver,

and no thanks whatsoever to Rattus.

Fun Dave.

To Fun Dave.

You've been watching Gory Games, goodbye.

Next time, why not play along by downloading the Gory Games App

from the CBBC website?

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