Episode 6 HH: Gory Games Play Along

# If mummies, rats and fleas ain't your thing

# And you don't like the sound of an exploding king

# If you're easily scared and don't laugh at poo

# You better turn off This show ain't for you

-# Still watching?

-Then let's test your brains

# With Horrible Histories: Gory Games

# Horrible Histories: Gory...

# ..Games! #

Hello and welcome to Gory Games with me, Dave Lamb.

And me! What's my name?

Are you all right?

I was in my dressing room and a woman came in, screamed,

and someone hit me with a shovel.

I suppose that's an occupational hazard for a rat.

Oh, I'm a rat?

Oh, that would explain the hairy arms and the whiskers.

Yeah. This is the show where you get to test your knowledge

of Horrible Histories with quirky quiz questions and gory games.

Ah, yes, it's all coming back to me now.

Good. Just try to keep quiet.

Let's meet today's Horrible Historians.

-Hi, I'm Christian.

-Hi, I'm Isabel.

Hi, I'm Harry.

There they all are.

-Feeling better?

-Yes, thank you, Dave.

We rats are very fast healers.

Now, remember, if you're watching at home,

you can play along using the Gory Games app.

If you haven't got it, check out the CBBC website.

Right. Christian, Isabel, Harry, you are playing to win Year Spheres.

Each Year Sphere contains an historical date

and, at the end of this show, your Year Sphere dates will be added up

with AD dates being added to your total

and BC dates being subtracted from it.

So, if these were your Year Spheres,

we would add 1,215, then subtract 480,

giving us a total of, Rattus?

735.

Crikey, that bang on the head really has messed with your brain.

At the end of the show the person with the highest year score

will win a truly amazing prize.

Yes, imagine a games console, a widescreen TV.

Then forget all that and imagine some old rubbish

that he's dragged out of the Time Sewer,

-because that's what you're getting.

-Don't worry, though,

-I usually try to clean off most of the poo.

-Bonus!

Right, let's get cracking.

To find out what this round's about, it's over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Awful Egyptians.

Four questions, as always, and here are your four Egyptian topics.

Christian, it's your turn to pick first this round.

-What are you going to go for?

-Pyramids.

-Pyramids.

That is a prop question.

Oh, prop question.

-BOTH:

-Prop question, prop question.

We're going to stop doing that now.

True or false, pyramid workers were paid partly in radishes and garlic?

Pyramid workers were paid partly in radishes and garlic.

Is that true, or is that false?

Let's see those answers now, please.

There we go.

So Christian and Isabel agreeing on true,

Harry out on his own with false.

Well, I can tell you that it is in fact true.

After pulling huge stone bricks all day in the hot sun,

I suspect pongy breath was the least of their worries.

-Fancy some of that?

-No, thank you, it gives you pongy breath.

And that will be the least of your worries, as well.

OK, Isabel, let's pick a topic, please.

-Mummies.

-Mummies.

Let's hear that question.

True or false - in early Egyptian history,

mummification sometimes went a bit wrong,

and when a mummy's arms dropped off, they used a stick instead?

Is it true, or is it false?

Show me your answers now, please.

OK. Everyone in total agreement. They've all gone for true.

Are they all right, or are they all wrong?

It's true.

You'd need some big old sticks to replace these guns, though.

Check out these babies.

OK, Harry, your turn to pick a topic.

Tutankhamun. Tutankhamun.

That is a question from my esteemed colleague, Mr Rattus Rattus.

Thank you. True or false, Tutankhamun's tomb was cursed,

so all the archaeologists who discovered it

died soon after they entered it.

Is that true or false?

Show me now.

Isabel and Harry think it's true.

Christian out on his own with false.

Who's right, Rattus?

Ah, it's false, I'm afraid.

The infamous curse of Tutankhamun was a story made up by the papers.

Howard Carter, the lead archaeologist,

lived for another 17 years.

So don't believe everything you read in the papers.

OK, one question left in this round.

It's a question on soldiers, and here it is.

True or false - ordinary Egyptian soldiers wore ornate metal helmets?

OK. True or false -

ordinary Egyptian soldiers wore ornate metal helmets?

There we go. The boys agreeing on false.

Isabel on her own with true.

Who's right?

It's false.

Only officers had metal helmets.

Ordinary soldiers had to protect their heads

by growing their hair nice and thick.

Tough luck if you were bald.

Excellent. Well, that's the end of the round.

With maximum points,

we can see Christian has won the first Year Sphere.

But, be warned, some of them could contain a Stone Age date,

which could be worth a few million minus points.

Push, push, push, push, push, push, push...

Here's a hint, Christian.

Pick a gold, shiny one.

Oh, he's got a good reach.

-You sure?

-Yeah.

Okey dokey. Push, push, push, push, push, push, push...

So, Christian, you are through to play the Egyptian game,

but will you be playing alone, or will everyone else get to play too?

Let's find out.

It's an all play silly game,

so that means it's off down the Time Sewer with the lot of you.

Lead the way, Harry.

Ew!

Eeeh!

Help!

Now, the ancient Egyptians were so smart

that they built giant pyramids and invented clocks that ran on water.

Hard to believe, then,

that they also thought human fly traps

were a good idea.

Yes, it's time to play...

Flies were such a problem in ancient Egypt,

King Pepi had honey poured over slaves

and stood them in the corners of the room to attract the flies.

You are a honey slave.

Your challenge - to catch as many flies on your honey suit

and fly swat as possible.

The person who catches the most flies in the time limit

wins the Year Sphere.

And here come those flies.

In three, two, one.

FOGHORN SOUNDS

Here we go, then, with Honey Slaves, and remember,

the flies either have to stick to their paddles,

which are sticky on both sides, Rattus, or their costumes,

which are very much like honey, aren't they?

-They certainly are, Dave.

-RATTUS LAUGHS

They also look a little bit

like custard monsters.

They do. They do look like custard monsters.

You're absolutely right.

If you catch any tasty-looking ones, save them for me.

Well, now, come on, Rattus, let's not get involved in the game.

Christian, Isabel and Harry have got a lot to be concentrating on.

They don't need to be sorting out your lunch...

or your dinner.

And lots of flies coming out now.

Oh, look at that!

That was a little rush of them. Must have disturbed a nest there.

Oh, they nearly stuck

to each other's paddles there, Rattus.

That really is one of the terrible things

about this game.

You can actually get stuck to each other, if you're not careful.

-You certainly can.

-Now look at this.

We can see that Christian is aiming for them

with his paddle,

but a few are getting stuck to his chest.

He is now part-covered in flies.

Look at that.

And he's winning by a considerable margin, it has to be said.

Isabel lagging slightly behind.

Oh. Look at Christian. He's got one on his apron.

Well, that's the first time we've seen a fly there.

He's really attracting the flies, Christian.

I don't know if he has sprayed himself in something

as he's come on, but he's winning this by a country mile,

you have to say.

-Time's up.

-FOGHORN SOUNDS

And it's all over and, for my money,

if you ever get an infestation of flies in your house,

there's your man.

Get behind your podiums.

Lovely, lovely, lovely.

Christian, I've never seen a man more covered in flies

than you just were just then. Talk me through that technique.

I was like...

So if they miss the bat, they landed on you?

-Yeah.

-And the winner of the Year Sphere,

with a new Gory Games record, it's Christian.

Help yourself to another Year Sphere, Christian.

-Excellent.

-Dave, is it true that King Pepi

had to prove his fitness to rule

by running around the pyramid every 30 years?

I believe that is true, yes.

Wow.

So, you'd had to do that about six times already?

Because you're old.

Yes, I did understand it.

OK, on to round two.

And to find out what's up next, it's over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Frightful First World War.

And here are your all-important World War I topics.

-What, I don't know what you're looking at me for.

-You're a rat.

Isabel, it's your turn to pick first this time,

-what's it going to be?

-Rats.

-Rats.

That is a question from Sir Rattus of Rattus.

Who were known by World War I soldiers

as rats after mouldy cheese?

Was it...?

..or C, soldiers new to the trenches.

It's either A, B or C.

Let's have a look at those answers.

OK, so the boys agreeing on B, Isabel on her own with A.

-Who, if anyone, Rattus, is correct?

-Well...

Isabel is absolutely right with A,

it was in fact doctors and nurses.

They came from the Royal Army Medical Corps,

whose initials are RAMC.

The same initials as rats after mouldy cheese.

The rat knows all.

So, Harry, it's your turn to pick a topic.

-Slang.

-Slang. Let's hear that question.

What was the trenches slang for toilet paper?

Was it A, bumf, B, botty blotty, or was it C, cheeks?

Show me your answers, everyone.

OK, the boys agreeing again with A.

Isabel again out on her own with C.

What's the answer?

The answer is A, bumf. It was short for bum fodder.

Food for your bottom.

-He just said food for your bottom.

-RATTUS LAUGHS

Food for your bottom. Food for your bottom.

-Finished?

-Bottom.

-One more bottom, lovely.

Christian. Your turn to pick a topic.

-Trenches.

-Trenches.

Your question is...

What do you think? Is it A, B or C?

Let's see those answers now, please.

OK, all three answers are different.

Let's see which one was right.

The answer is B, No Man's Land.

Because no man would want to set foot there for fear of being shot.

It's horrible, but it's true.

It is indeed. So, the final question this round is on MI5.

And here it comes.

MI5 was Britain's top-secret spy service in World War I,

but who did they sometimes use as messengers?

Was it A, clowns,

B, Girl Guides, or C, squirrels?

Again, all three answers appearing.

Let's find out who's right.

The answer is B, MI5 used Girl Guides as secret messengers.

Wonder if you got a badge for that?

Probably not, wouldn't be a very good way of keeping it secret.

So that's the end of the round.

Two points each for Harry and Isabel, fingers on buzzers, please,

because this is the tie-break question.

Beginning with the letter G,

what did soldiers have to wear on their face

to stop their lungs filling up with poison?

BREAKING WIND SOUND EFFECT Isabel.

-Gas masks.

-Gas mask is absolutely right.

Well done, Isabel, you've won yourself a Year Sphere.

Please collect it now.

Isabel, as the quiz winner,

you're also free to play the World War I game,

but will it be just you or will the others get to play too?

Let's find out.

It's a single player silly game.

So, Isabel, get down that Time Sewer with you.

The trenches of the First World War were terrible places to be,

made even worse by all the rats.

It's time to play...

Just like the soldiers in those trenches,

you've got to splat some rats.

I'm not listening, la-la-la-la-la.

Whack 15 rats with your spade within the time limit

to win the Year Sphere. And your time starts now.

FOGHORN SOUNDS

So here goes Isabel, attempting to vanquish

vile vermin. Rattus, as usual,

you might want to look away here.

Dave, I hate to say this,

but I've got a horrible feeling it was Isabel

that crowned me at the top of the show.

It turns out that Isabel has crowned Rattus

at the start of the show,

and that is surely a police matter.

And that helmet is not going to be enough

to protect that rat from the inevitable concussion.

In fact, talking of memory loss,

don't forget that you can of course play along at home

using the Gory Games app.

Seems very unfair to me, Dave,

Isabel comes across as being such a loving, caring, considerate child,

when in fact in reality she's a monster!

Yes, well, that's the thing.

Rats, they shouldn't be there, really,

if they don't want to get bopped on the head,

they really shouldn't be there.

They're all wearing protective helmets now,

I notice, it seems to have caught on.

You might want to think about one for yourself, maybe a bandanna.

You'd look quite nice at a jaunty angle, perhaps.

A bandanna isn't going to afford me any protection

-from a spade, is it, you clown?

-All right.

Dear, oh, dear.

Isabel has done it. Well, superb.

15 rats bashed on the head, and Isabel, the smiling assassin,

has done it.

Well done, Isabel. Congratulations.

Help yourself to another Year Sphere.

And the soldiers didn't just whack the rats

that voluntarily popped their heads up,

sometimes they'd smoked the rats out of their burrows

using explosives.

Forcing us out of our homes.

I mean, honestly, you people

are whatever the equivalent is of inhumane.

In-rat-humane.

Or in-rat-ade.

Has anyone got a dictionary?

Over to the Gory Grid to find out what's up next.

It's the Terrible Tudors.

And your four Tudor topics are...

So, Harry, it's your turn to pick a topic first.

-Cures.

-Cures.

That is a question from my dear old chum Rattus Rattus.

I thank you.

One cure for sickness in Tudor times was known as fustigation.

But what did it involve?

Was it A, fanning someone

to give them air,

B, sitting in a smoke-filled room,

or C, beating them with a stick?

What a question. Is it A, B or C?

Show me now.

Interesting, Isabel and Harry agree with B,

Christian out on his own with C.

Rattus, what's the answer?

The answer is...

C, beating them with a stick.

Christian, your turn to choose a topic.

-Deaths.

-Deaths.

See what you make of this one.

Is it A, nine out of ten, B, seven out of ten, or C, five out of ten?

Let's see your answers.

OK, the boys agreeing with B.

Isabel on her own this time with A.

Let's find out.

The answer is A.

Nine out of ten Tudors died before their 40th birthday.

Dave, can you remember your 40th birthday?

Or do your memories not go that far back?

OK, let's just ignore Rattus.

Isabel, it's your turn to pick a topic.

-Palaces.

-Palaces. Let's hear the question.

I had a huge palace built in Surrey,

that was to be the biggest of all my building projects,

a celebration of the power of the Tudor dynasty.

But what did I call it?

OK. Was it A, Ego Palace,

was it B, Nonsuch Palace,

or was it C, Axeminster Palace?

Let's see your answers now, please.

OK, total agreement on that one.

Everybody thinks it's C.

Are they all right or are they all wrong?

The answer is B I called it Nonsuch Palace,

because there's no such palace as grand as it.

Get it? No such, Nonsuch?

I don't hear you laughing.

AWKWARD LAUGHTER

-That's more like it.

-You don't want to upset him.

OK, to the final question in this round, and it's a question on tax.

Let's hear what it is.

My daughter Elizabeth I enforced a tax which only men could pay.

But what was it a tax on?

Was it A, beards, B, hairy backs, or C, man boobs?

Do you all have an answer in your heads?

Let's see those answers now, please.

Christian, you and Isabel have agreed on A,

Harry has gone for B.

What's the answer?

The answer is A, beards.

Just as well there wasn't a tax on all three.

Actually, what do I care? Tudor monarchs don't pay tax.

So at the end of that round,

Christian and Isabel are level on two points each.

It's fingers on buzzers for you two.

Here we go with the tie-break question.

Beginning with the letter E,

what is the name of King Henry VIII's son and heir,

who died as a teenager?

SNEEZING SOUND EFFECT

-Edward.

-Edward is absolutely right, Christian.

Well done. Help yourself to another Year Sphere.

So, winning the quiz means that Christian

is automatically through to play the Tudor game,

but will he be alone or will the others get to play too?

Let's find out.

It's an all play brainy game.

So off down the Time Sewer with the lot of you.

Elizabeth I liked to look good in her portraits,

which meant they had to look nothing like her.

Smallpox scars and years of wearing poisonous lead make-up

meant her good looks were long lost.

So Elizabeth made artists

copy paintings of her as a young woman,

rather than paint how she really looked.

It's time to play...

Your challenge is to assemble two perfect copies

of an Elizabeth portrait.

The only problem is, your two puzzles

are made out of different misshaped pieces.

Complete your puzzles quicker than the other Horrible Historians

to win the Year Sphere.

In three, two, one...

FOGHORN SOUNDS

Here we go, then, with Puzzling Portraits.

Christian in green, Harry in yellow,

and the rat murderer...

Oh, sorry, Isabel in brown.

You have to say the girls are normally

quite good at this, aren't they, Rattus?

They're very good at thinking in two areas at once. Multitasking.

They are very adept at multi-skilling,

it has to be said, Dave.

I'm not stereotyping there

in any way, shape or form.

Girls are just better than boys in many, many ways.

Oh, Rattus, we are going to get letters now.

Please don't write to me, write to him.

I must say, though, Isabel has made a tremendous start.

Two portraits well under way.

That one on the left is all but done.

I can clearly make out Queen Elizabeth I there,

smiling in her younger days. Of course,

as she got older, she got rather less attractive

than that, it has to be said.

That's right, and all her teeth fell out.

So, Harry, here he comes. He's doing extremely well himself.

Look at this, he's well under way.

Harry, I'm very impressed with that performance.

But, look, Isabel, she really is getting the job done here.

She's doing this very, very well.

It's a textbook performance in many ways.

And Harry also doing well.

Christian, you have to say, is lagging a little bit behind there.

Isabel really, really getting there now.

She's doing this extremely well.

Christian is a long way off,

there's a bit hanging over the frame on the other side there,

but he's not going to trouble the winner here

cos I think the winner is about to be decided.

She only seems to have three pieces, or four pieces possibly left.

Harry's doing extremely well, though, wait a minute,

this could be a late run from Harry.

I think he probably has left it too late.

Yes, just one more piece left for Isabel now.

There it is, she's done it.

And there she is, celebrating with a double fist pump.

The slight bounce, the ponytail swish, it's a three-way celebration,

and it's much deserved.

Isabel, help yourself to another Year Sphere.

Well done. Isabel, you were absolutely magnificent.

-Did you find it easy?

-No.

Have you ever done two puzzles at once before?

-No.

-Will you be doing two puzzles at once in the future?

-Never.

-Never.

That'll be it. That was your one time.

-Yes.

-Superb.

In Tudor times, everyone wanted to look like Queen Elizabeth,

so they all desired flaming red hair, just like hers.

And you won't believe what one of the ingredients in the dye was?

I'll take a wild guess, was it wee?

Yes, wee, how did you know?

Well, if you find it funny,

it's probably got something to do

with either number ones or number twos.

RATTUS LAUGHS And he laughs again.

Good. Moving swiftly on, time for the final round,

over to the Gory Grid one last time to find out what we've got.

It's the Rotten Romans.

There's no quirky quiz in our final round,

it's straight to our big all play Roman endgame.

So, everyone, limber up.

That's lovely. And then get down that Time Sewer.

Whenever Roman Emperor Vitellius wasn't eating,

he liked to be eating.

Yes, old Vitellius like to have four feasts a day,

so he needed a lot of feeding. Which is where you come in.

It's time to play...

Collect Emperor Vitellius's favourite

pheasant brain and flamingo tongue pies, grapes, and fish,

and fling them into his mouth.

The person who gets the most in their Vitellius' gob

within the time limit wins the Year Sphere.

But be warned - halfway through,

a servant is going to spill a cauldron of garum sauce,

made out of rotten fish guts.

-Yummy.

-So things will get mighty slippy.

Ready, steady, fling those pies!

FOGHORN SOUNDS

Here we go, then, with Foul Feast.

Isabel scores immediately, what a superb score that was.

Look at that refusal of the fish.

Oh, dear me.

The Roman catering supervisor Keepus Maximus

will be very disappointed there.

He's handing over...

He's hit Isabel in the mouth with that pie!

What is he playing at out there?

This is the worst catering supervision we've ever seen.

What a disgrace. Keepus, when he sees this back -

he's normally such a good performer -

he'll be very, very disappointed,

but they're carrying on regardless.

Well played, the contestants.

There go the grapes, straight through.

Look at that!

That is the traditional custard pie chuck.

I love to see that, I love to see that.

I like to see a good custard pie chuck from Harry.

He's a great exponent of it as well.

The traditional custard pie chuck.

I'm very, very pleased to see it here.

But not with the fish.

Terrible with the fish, it just doesn't work.

That's what you want to be doing with the fish,

end over end, fin over tail.

Or possibly underarm, it works that way too.

But no matter how you cut it,

the bare facts are that Harry is in the lead.

He's taken the lead and is throwing magnificently.

We should point out these fish

have all been line-caught,

they've not been hauled in

with a great big stinky net

that's killed other creatures. Christian draws level.

We are of course expecting the garum sauce any moment,

aren't, we Rattus? It's coming very, very soon...

And it's right on top of them!

Christian has taken that

right on top of his head.

I didn't think I've ever seen anyone

get drenched in quite such a spectacular way.

We'll see him in a minute.

Look at the state of him!

He is absolutely covered in garum sauce.

As is poor old Isabel.

Dear, oh, dear. Harry is rolling around on the floor

like a naughty puppy. Christian's down.

Christian is down.

He's blinking it out of his eyes,

that rotten fish sauce.

FOGHORN SOUNDS There's the hooter, it's over.

Christian and Harry both get Year Spheres.

But one wonders if any of them will ever stand up again!

Back you come, everyone. Well done, well done.

How was that for you?

-Gungy.

-Gungy?

Christian, it landed on your head, didn't it?

-What did it taste like?

-Vinegar.

Horrible. Christian, if you could take yours first, please.

And, Harry, collect yours as well, please.

Despite being a total glutton himself,

Emperor Vitellius actually killed his own mum...

by starving her to death.

The clue's in the name, Horrible Histories.

Absolutely.

It's now time to count up those Year Spheres, and remember,

AD dates are added to your total and BC dates subtracted from it.

Christian, we are going to start with you.

Open up that first one.

1746 AD.

The Battle of Culloden.

377 BC, it's bad, but it's not a disaster.

The death of Hippocrates,

the father of medicine, that year.

Let's have a look at the third one.

That's slightly worse, 4000 BC.

Stone Age man started farming in Britain

around that time.

Christian, you need this one to be a good one.

It's a good one, but it's not that good.

It's 122 AD.

Hadrian's Wall was built that year.

So, Christian, you have ended up

with a score of -2509.

Isabel, it's your turn.

Let's have a look at your first Sphere, please.

1348 AD.

The Black Death hit England that year.

But it's good news for you.

Let's have a look at that second Sphere.

1479 BC.

The Egyptian Queen Hatshepsut

came to the throne that year.

That takes you back into the minus points.

Let's have a look at your third Sphere.

It's 1861 AD.

The death of Queen Victoria's husband,

Prince Albert.

That means you've gone into the lead, Isabel,

and you have a total of 1,730.

But, Isabel, you can be beaten by Harry.

Harry, let's have a look at what you've got in that Sphere.

It's 1014 AD.

King Sweyn Forkbeard

became the first Viking King of England that year.

You've ended up with 1,014 points.

It's not quite enough. Isabel, you are today's winner.

And do we have a prize for you?!

No, seriously, do we have a prize for her?

Indeed we do, Dave.

I've sourced some beautiful French sausages

from a 600-year-old recipe,

all the way from the picturesque city of Orleans.

Wow, well, they actually sound rather delicious.

Specifically from the Siege of Orleans

during the Hundred Years' War,

when the trapped French peasants got so hungry

they ate their own fingers. Bon appetit.

I should have known.

Well, con-rat-ulations, Isabel.

Here you go, Isabel. Sorry it's three fingers on a plinth.

Please don't eat it.

It just remains for me to say thanks to Christian,

to Isabel and to Harry, and no thanks whatsoever to Rattus.

Your growing frustration is thanks enough, Dave.

-You've been watching Gory Games, goodbye.

-Goodbye.

Next time, why not play along,

by downloading the Gory Games app from the CBBC website?

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