Episode 5 HH: Gory Games Play Along

We're on in a minute, Rattus.

-ON TV:

-DON'T YOU SAY THAT ABOUT MY MOTHER OR I'LL SORT YOU OUT GOOD AND PROPER!

Rattus?

Oh, sorry Dave, I was watching telly. I do love the soaps.

You love the soaps.

Yeah it's my favourite rat soap opera,

set in a toilet in the East End.

No, don't tell me. It's called U-benders.

Oh you've seen it too have you?

-ON TV:

-You dirty stinking rat.

# If mummies, rats and fleas ain't your thing,

# And you don't like the sound of an exploding king.

# If you're easily scared and don't laugh at poo,

# You'd better turn off, this show ain't for you.

# Still watching?

# Then let's test your brains.

# With Horrible History's Gory Games.

# Horrible History's Gory...Games! #

Hello and welcome to Gory Games. I'm Rattus Rattus.

And I'm Dave Lamb.

And I'm your real father.

EASTENDER'S DOOFS

What was that?

Well, I just thought I should inject a bit of drama into the show.

You know, spice things up a bit, like on the soaps.

That's a terrible idea Rattus.

Actually I'm not Rattus, I'm actually Rattus' evil twin.

DOOF DOOF

Good grief. Let's meet today's horrible historians.

-Hi, I'm Joel and I'm from London.

-Hello, Joel.

-Hi, I'm Anvita and I'm from East Sussex.

-Hello, Anvita.

Hi, I'm Zachary and I'm from Cheshire.

Hello, Zachary.

Welcome everyone. Right, you are here to win Year Spheres.

The person with the highest Year score at the end of the show

will win a prize that Rattus found in the Time Sewer under

a pile of goodness knows what.

And don't forget, you can play along at home too.

Just download the app from the CBBC website.

But can you beat these horrible historians?

DOOF DOOF

You're not going to do that after everything you say, are you Rattus?

-Very possibly.

-Great. It's time for round one.

Let's go over to the Gory Grid.

It's the Measly Middle Ages.

Four questions then. Here are your all-important Middle Ages topics.

So, Zachary, it's your turn to pick a topic first.

I'll have King John please.

Let's hear that question.

True or false?

King John was buried with his crown and all the jewels he owned.

Is it true or do you smell a rat?

-I know I do.

-And just how is that a bad thing?

Sorry, Rattus. So King John was buried with his crown.

So do you think that's true or is it perhaps false?

Everybody in total agreement, they all think it's false.

What's the answer please?

It's false. King John was buried disguised as a penniless monk.

He thought by dressing as a monk he would trick God

and God would let him into heaven.

Nice try, Johnners!

Well played everyone though.

That's a point apiece to start off with, an excellent start.

Anvita it's your turn to pick next.

Could I have crime please?

You certainly can.

Is this true or false?

In the Middle Ages, peasants could be arrested for being too smelly.

Hahaha! I didn't think it was possible to be too smelly.

Really? In the Middle Ages peasants could be arrested

for being too smelly.

Is that true or is that false? Show me now please.

Everybody thinks it's true. What's the answer?

It's false.

It's false. Never mind.

Peasants could be arrested for wearing fine clothes.

God, it's just too easy isn't it?

No risk of you being arrested then!

Yes all right, Rattus. All right. Just stick to your drums all right?

Joel you're up. Pick a topic please.

Can I have William I please?

You definitely can.

True or false?

In 1048 William the Conqueror captured Alencon and because

the townspeople had insulted him, he chopped off their ears and noses.

William the Conqueror chopped off their ears and noses.

Is that true or is that false?

They all think it's true. What's the answer?

It's false. He chopped off their hands and feet.

Hands up who's sorry now.

Everyone has a point. We have one topic left.

That is Butchers and here is the question.

True or false?

King Edward III demanded that butchers be

banned from slaughtering animals within the city of London.

Personally I'm all for the non-slaughter of animals.

Yeah, I bet you are Rattus.

So, London butchers were banned from slaughtering animals.

Is that true or is that false?

Well, we have some disagreement here.

The boys agreeing still with false, Anvita thinks this is true.

-Let's find out who's right.

-It's true.

Slaughtering animals in the city was banned due to the terrible

stench from all the blood and offal. Ugh.

So that point for Anvita changes everything,

right at the end of the round.

Anvita you have won the first Year Sphere.

And that means it's time for me to say

ALL HAIL THE POINTY PYRAMIDY!

DOOF DOOF

Choose carefully Anvita because AD dates will be added

to your total but of course BC dates will be subtracted from it.

Don't do the drums, Rattus.

-You can breathe.

-Bwahhh!

We'll find out what's in your sphere later on.

OK, Anvita, you're through to the play the Middle Ages game

but will it be just you or will the others get to play too?

Let's find out, shall we?

Oh, it's an All Play game.

To the Time Sewer then the lot of you.

Lead us off Joel. Go on Anvita.

Ooh, it stinks!

It does. Lead us, Zachary.

This is so gross!

In the Middle Ages knights weren't in the habit of just handing

over their castle.

No, you had to fight for it. It's time to play...

You are laying siege to a castle, catapulting all sorts

of things at it including rocks, rotten meat and bits of horse.

The Year Sphere goes to the person who fires the most

missiles into their fortress target within the time limit.

And your time starts now.

FOGHORN

And off they go. And Joel goes for a piece of meat.

Anvita, the humble rock. And oh, look at that.

Anvita has opened her account instantly. She's already got one in.

How's this second one going to play out for her?

Oh, well, I think that's two.

Two in two for Anvita, she is showing herself

to be quite the player here.

What a remarkable start, Rattus.

Absolutely, Dave.

Yeah, and no-one else troubling the scorer so far.

Very tricky to get going isn't it?

But the boys really need to find their range.

Joel notches there, so that's 2-1 at the moment.

Come on, Zachary!

Almost an instant response from Anvita but not quite,

that one missing slightly to the left there.

30 seconds remaining.

Attackers were sometimes known to catapult dead horses into castles.

Spread disease and the castle was yours.

Though exactly why you'd want it if it was full of disease

I have no idea.

Anvita takes a 3-1 lead and Joel responds instantly.

Well with the exception of Zachary they seem to be scoring well

here, this is amazing stuff!

And it's neck and neck as the game draws to a close.

Anvita takes what could be a crucial lead with seconds remaining!

What can Joel do?

It's away, it counts!

Joel's levelled it in the last second of the match!

It's a draw! Well, sort that out.

Come on then. Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.

Help yourselves to Year Spheres. Lovely.

Wow, that was incredibly exciting.

OK. So round two. And to find out...

Dave look out, there's a runaway train!

It's going to crash into us

in a fiery special effects inferno of carnage and oblivion!

DOOF DOOF

Cliff-hanger moment, I can feel the surge in our ratings.

Yeah. I think that might just be the rotten fig you ate.

RATTUS FARTS

Oh, yeah, it could be that.

What's up next? It's over to the Gory Grid.

It's the awful Egyptians.

Awful Egyptians. Joel, what about them?

My best subject.

Really? Watch out for the Joel surge. Anvita?

I really, really, really like the awful Egyptians.

Ho-ho. This is shaping up nicely. Zachary?

I'm a quarter Egyptian and I'm doing it in school.

and yet, it's still my weak point.

No!

Zachary that is a strange state of affairs. Four questions again.

Here are your all-important Egyptian topics.

So Anvita, it's your turn to lead us off this time.

Could I have Pharaohs please?

You certainly can, what's the question please?

True or false?

We Pharaohs could get up as late as we wanted.

So, Pharaohs could get up as late as they wanted.

Is that true or is that false? Show me now please.

Wow, Zachary and Anvita think it's true, Joel thinks it's false.

What's the answer please?

It's false.

Pharaohs had to get up before sunrise every day

and perform a ceremony to make the sun rise.

Do you know nothing about how the planets work?

Obviously not. But Joel does.

He's got himself a point and he gets to pick the next topic.

What'll you have Joel?

I will have Soldiers, please.

That is a question for Rattus Rattus.

It certainly is. True or false.

Egyptian soldiers didn't wear helmets.

So to protect their heads in battle they used to grow their hair.

Is it true that it's false? Or false that it's true?

Well, they both mean false, Rattus.

Don't play with my mind, Dave, don't play with my mind!

Thank you Rattus. So do you think that's true or is it perhaps false?

Can I see your answers now please?

Everybody thinks it's true. What's the answer Rattus?

Oh, dear. Yes, it's true!

I'd give the Ancient Egyptian Army a miss if I was you, Dave.

Not a problem. Well played everybody. Points all round.

Zachary, your turn to pick.

I'll have hauntings please.

Let's hear the question.

True or false?

We ancient Egyptians used to write letters to the dead asking them

not to haunt us.

So, ancient Egyptians used to write letters to the dead asking them

not to haunt them.

Is that true or is that false? Let's have a look.

Everybody's in total agreement, they all think it's true.

What's the answer?

It's true.

We hoped the letter would smooth over any disagreements

we had in life.

"Dear Uncle Nimlot, Sorry I had you assassinated. Lots of love, Tracy."

Yeah well, that should do it.

Congratulations everybody, points raining down on us from all angles.

There's one topic left in this round, it's deodorants.

Let's hear the question.

True or false?

I never wear deodorant, just odorant.

You don't really need that to be fair, Rattus.

So do you think that's true or is it perhaps false?

Show me now please.

Well, the boys both think it's true, Anvita thinks it's false.

-What's the answer?

-It's true!

Well, I bet they really worked up a sweat running away from those

-angry ostriches.

-Yeah, I bet they did.

RATTUS GOBBLES

No wait a minute, that's turkeys.

Much bigger.

So a point for the boys there means that at the end of that round

Joel with a full house, you have won yourself another Year Sphere.

Help yourself, Joel.

We'll find out later what's inside there.

-Nah, let's find out now!

-No, later!

-NO, NOW!

-WHAT ARE YOU DOING, RATTUS?

I'M HAVING A POINTLESS ARGUMENT LIKE THEY DO IN THE SOAPS

TO BUILD UP THE TENSION TO THE DRUMROLL!

DOOF DOOF

Moving on. Now, Joel, although you're through to play

the Awful Egyptian Game, will you be playing on your own

or will the others get to join in with you?

Let's find out shall we?

It's an All Play brainy game.

So everyone, get back down that Time Sewer.

Go on, Joel, lead them off.

Ugh! Whee!

Yes, there's wee in there all right.

-Wa-hay!

-Not much hay.

OK. this game is a puzzle and it's based on pyramids.

So that's why we call it...

..The Zombie Firework Death Bang Challenge!

No. We call it...

I like my title better.

So do I, actually.

So you have to build a pyramid out of blocks,

making sure you get everything in the right order.

Steady, go, ready.

In the right order. Ready, steady, go.

FOGHORN

The crucial thing here, Rattus, is to get your base level correct.

And the thing about the base level is it has to have straight

sides, you can't have slanty sides on your base.

One of the seven wonders of the world is the pyramid

built for the Pharaoh Khufu, the Great Pyramid of Giza.

And was Khufu a great geezer?

I've got no idea.

Anvita, now, has she completed the base layer already?

She has. She's got the chip bap.

Well, we could be looking at one of the fastest pyramid

builds in history.

Certainly a great deal faster than the ancient Egyptians who

took a remarkably long time to build them, didn't they, Rattus?

Anvita's leading the way there, Dave.

Now, Joel unfortunately hasn't put the base in at all.

Yet. But he might be constructing the perfect second layer first.

We may have a maverick on our hands.

But Zachary meanwhile has completed his base layer

but wait a minute, a stroke of genius from Joel.

He's put his second layer aside and started again.

Now if he can get that base layer in place very quickly,

he'll just pop on the second layer and be well ahead of the game!

That looks like the right piece to me.

Meanwhile, Anvita is slightly ahead, she completes her second layer.

Zachary not far off on his second layer as well.

Joel now making excellent progress with his third layer.

Really wrestling with these shapes, trying to make the tessellate,

trying to make them fit in. But hold the phone!

Anvita's finished her third layer and is moving on to her fourth.

It's going to draw to a close very quickly,

once you've got the third layer on.

Yeah. Yeah you're right. There you go, that's it.

Four layers completed, it's just the top piece to go.

And she pops it on beautifully. She's built the pyramid.

There's the celebration and doesn't she look delighted?

In you come then. Come on, well played. Well played everybody.

Well done, Anvita. Wow, that was remarkably close as well!

Dave, there's been a breakout at the local tarantula farm

and the studio's been overrun with killer spiders!

Go on, then Rattus, play your stupid drums.

It's not on my...

DAVE SCREAMS

Oh, yummy!

RATTUS CHEWS

I never eat all the legs. That would just be greedy.

Ugh, right.

Round three and it's over to the Gory Grid to find out what's

up next.

It's the Groovy Greeks.

Groovy.

Hey! Confidence is flowing through Joel at the moment.

Here are your four Greek topics.

So Joel, it's your turn to lead us off.

Can I have Heraclitus please?

That is a question from Rattus Rattus.

How did Greek philosopher Heraclitus die? Was he

A. Eaten by a whale?

B. Did he bury himself in animal poo?

Or C. Did he try to fly off a cliff with home-made wings?

Is that A, B or C?

DOOF DOOF

Let's see your answers please.

Well, it's the old BBC. What's the answer Rattus?

The answer is B. He buried himself in animal poo.

Hahaha! Oh, that is just too funny, ahahaha! Oh!

Are you all right Rattus?

-I fell off the desk.

-He's fine.

Heraclitus had a disease which made him swell up with water.

He thought the heat from the animal poo would help him sweat it off.

But instead, it made him die of heat exhaustion.

Hahahaha, poo!

Well, well played Zachary and Anvita,

a point apiece to start that round off.

So Zachary, your turn to pick a topic.

Please may I have medicine?

You may indeed.

How did a Skopian doctor priest treat the injured?

A. They used sacred dogs to lick the wounds?

B. They treated them with poison frogs?

C. They kissed them better?

All terrible options. Obviously, you should really rub poo on the injury.

Obviously not, Rattus.

It's very tricky but is it A, B or C?

Show me your answers please.

Wow, the boys both think it's A, Anvita thinks it's C.

What's the answer please?

The answer is A. They used sacred dogs to lick the wounds.

Well, certainly worked for me.

Or not. So a point apiece for the boys then.

And we move on to Anvita, your turn to pick a topic.

Could I pick secret messages please?

You certainly can. What's the question please?

Histiaeus of Mellitus used a special method

to send a secret message.

Was the message A. Hidden in the stomachs of pigs?

B. Tattooed on the head of a slave?

C. Carried on a flag by a bird?

If I want to send a secret message to pals, I use rat wee.

Just saying.

Thank you Rattus. So is it A, B or C?

Everybody in total agreement, they've all gone for B.

What's the answer?

The answer is B.

He shaved the head of a trusted slave,

tattooed a message on and then let the hair grow back.

Clever.

So what secret message are you having tattooed Dave?

It's a secret. That's a point for everybody there.

The final question in this round is on Diogenes. Let's hear it.

Listen carefully.

The Great Greek Philosopher Diogenes famously lived

A. Naked in a barrel?

B. In a dung heap?

C. Upside down at the top of a tree?

The great Greek philosopher Diogenes famously lived

A. Naked in a barrel, B. In a dung heap or

C. Upside down at the top of a tree?

Show me your answers now please.

They all think it's something different from each other.

What's the answer?

The answer is A. Diogenes lived naked in a barrel.

Congratulations Zachary, an excellent round for you.

A full house and it means you have won your first Year Sphere.

OK, Zachary, as the winner you're through to play the Greek Game.

But will it just be you or will the others get to play too?

Let's find out shall we?

Ooh, it's a Single Player game.

So Zachary, you're off down the Time Sewer on your own.

Ugh!

Do you think you've got what it takes to be a Spartan Warrior?

It's time to play...

You are a Spartan. You have to sneak up

and steal the sleeping soldier's lunch without waking him.

Climb through the vines

but don't touch one or a bell will ring disturbing the soldier.

Disturb him three times and it's game over. Your mission starts now.

FOGHORN

Of course, stealing in real life is totally out of order.

Unless, Dave, it's me stealing the show with my awesomeness!

Zachary has instantly adopted the posture of a worm or a caterpillar.

And look at that, he's literally face down in the dirt,

trying to avoid the vines.

Of course you can get involved with the action at home,

if you download the Gory Games app now!

It's free!

The soldier there, having a quick cat nap.

Ah dipper-dipper-dack! Did you have to mention cats?

Sorry. Look at that.

Well, I've never seen anyone get through the vines in this way.

What's he going to do for this second set of vines?

Surely he's going to go upstairs here,

and maybe leap nimbly through one or two of these branches.

And he has gone for the worm again.

Look at him, Rattus, he seems to have fallen asleep

with his eyes open.

Maybe he's worked in nap time.

I mean he's chin down in the dirt here, Rattus.

One does wonder what on earth he's doing.

But then he is making painfully slow progress.

It's possible Zachary might just be some kind of genius.

Oh a little twitch from the eyebrows, look.

Oh! I think there was a tinkle.

There was a tinkle there. That's one tinkle.

He's allowed a maximum of three twinkles and then after that,

well he's in a whole world of pain.

It's decision time again. My money's on the low road.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Look at this technique, you've got to admire his persistence.

He is moving so slowly, let's hope a passing eagle doesn't

mistake him for a slug, swoop down and take him.

-Because that would be hard to explain to his folks.

-It would.

Anyway, he's moving on and he's actually upright, look at that.

Oh, he's tinkled it!

But it's the second tinkle, he's got one to spare and he's made it!

Softly, softly, catchy monkey.

Zachary has changed Sneaky Spartans forever.

What a player. What a man. What a lunch!

Back you come then, Zachary. Well played indeed!

Help yourself to another Year Sphere. Nice choice, or is it?

We'll find out later.

Well, it's time now for our big All Play endgame.

So over to the Gory Grid to find out what we've got.

It's the Vicious Vikings.

It's the Vicious Vikings,

so back down that Time Sewer with the lot of you!

-Good luck, if we survive!

-Bye, Dave!

-Bye!

-Bye!

-Cheers, Zachary.

-Ugh, that's disgusting!

-Ugh!

Vikings didn't have many supermarkets and corner shops.

So when they wanted a dozen eggs they had to

pop down to the cliff. It's time to play...

Cliffhanger?

DOOF DOOF

Not that kind of cliffhanger, Rattus.

Your challenge is to scale down the cliff...

Slash, run along the inflatable.

Whilst attached to a rope...

Slash, bungee cord.

And collect as many sea bird eggs...

Slash, plastic eggs.

From the nests as possible, and look out for the seagull.

The first person to collect all of their eggs

and the seagull wins a Year Sphere.

In three, two, one.

FOGHORN

So there's a heck of a lot of eggs for these Vikings to gather.

And there's been a bit of a blanket start there

although Zachary is attempting two eggs at once.

Oh, he's dropped one, but the other one successfully delivered.

Look at that, Joel has picked up two and delivered two.

We've clearly got some experienced Vikings on our hands here.

They're grabbing these eggs like absolute pros!

Look at Joel he's flying through this game.

He's absolutely flying like a seagull.

Anvita's doing very well too.

She's gone for the double, can she deliver? Up they go.

Yes, she can.

And don't forget contestants,

you've got to keep an eye out for the seagull!

Oh, and right on cue, here they come.

With sixes across the board,

it's time for attentions to turn skywards and those pesky seagulls!

There's Joel having a right pop at his. But he's got it.

He's got the seagull down and he has delivered it.

Terrific work from Joel.

Anvita does exactly the same. It's very, very close here!

It's going to come down to these last eggs.

Joel delivers his ninth.

He's only got one...Anvita crucially has been beaten back,

as Joel takes the strain and grabs his final egg.

He simply places it in the nest. We'll hear the noise of joy.

And he's died. No, he hasn't. He's celebrating horizontally.

Well played, very good effort. That's it Joel.

Go and get yourself that last Year Sphere, there it is.

Will be it be good? Will be bad? It could be crucial

because this is one of the closest contests we've ever had.

OK, time to count up those Year Spheres.

And remember, AD dates are added to your total

and BC dates are subtracted from it.

OK, Zachary, open up that first one please.

1618AD. Walter Raleigh was executed by James VI that year.

A very good start. Let's have a look at the next one.

3500BC. Oh, what a shame.

The first pyramids on earth were constructed in Peru,

round about then.

Don't worry Zachary, it's not all over.

You never know what's in the other spheres.

Anvita, let's have a look at your first sphere.

1558AD. Queen Elizabeth I ascended to the throne that year.

Let's have a look at that second one Anvita.

Oh, it's a BC. But it's not a disaster, 332BC.

Alexander the Great conquered Egypt that year.

You are still very much in this.

Let's have a look at that third sphere.

Oh, no, 7500BC. Cats were domesticated around about this time.

That's no consolation at all is it?

Anvita you finish with minus 6274 points. Zachary you have minus 1882.

And that is what Joel has to try and beat.

Let's have a look at that first sphere of yours Joel.

OK, 1452AD. It's a strong start.

Leonardo Da Vinci was born that year.

Let's have a look at the second sphere.

1837AD. Charles Dickens published

Oliver Twist that year.

It's all on the turn of this last one.

Let's have a look at it, Joel.

Oh, it's 1553AD.

Roman Catholicism was restored in England by Queen Mary I.

That means, Joel, that with a total of 4842, you are today's winner.

-Yes!

-Congratulations.

-So well done.

You have won, well a lovely first prize.

And I use the word lovely wrongly.

It's something that caught Rattus' eye in the Time Sewer, I'm afraid.

Yes, it's a late night snack. Mice on toast.

Who would eat that?

Well apparently, barmy Victorian geologist William Buckland! Hahaha!

Well there it is, foul and disgusting - and that's just Rattus.

For our runners up who are probably feeling quite relieved

at the moment, I'm afraid it's a trip home through the Time Sewer.

So off you go, Anvita.

-Bye, Joel.

-- Bye!

- Bye, Dave. Bye, Rattus.

See you, Zachary. Bye.

And don't forget, you can play along next time

if you download the Gory Games app from the CBBC website.

Ugh!

I've been Rattus Rattus.

And I've been Dave Lamb. And well, I've always loved you, Rattus.

Eh?

Will you marry me?

Uh...

DOOF DOOF

Hahahaha! Good one, Dave!

Ugh! Ugh.

-Goodbye!

-You were kidding, right?

Of course I was kidding.

# Horrible History's Gory...Games!