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# Gorgeous Georgians Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians | 0:00:02 | 0:00:05 | |
# Ferocious fights Daring knights | 0:00:05 | 0:00:06 | |
# Horrors that defy description Cutthroat Celts | 0:00:06 | 0:00:09 | |
# Vicious Vikings Punishment from ancient times | 0:00:09 | 0:00:12 | |
# Roman rotten, rank and ruthless | 0:00:12 | 0:00:15 | |
# Groovy Greeks Mean and measly Middle Ages | 0:00:15 | 0:00:18 | |
# Gory stories - we do that | 0:00:18 | 0:00:20 | |
# And your host - a talking rat | 0:00:20 | 0:00:23 | |
# The past is no longer a mystery | 0:00:23 | 0:00:26 | |
# Welcome to Horrible Histories. # | 0:00:26 | 0:00:32 | |
In Saxon Britain lots of men lived as monks. We had some very strict rules. | 0:00:37 | 0:00:43 | |
For instance, we weren't allowed to speak during meals, | 0:00:43 | 0:00:47 | |
so we developed our own sign language. | 0:00:47 | 0:00:49 | |
Brothers, brothers, I have urgent new... | 0:01:06 | 0:01:09 | |
The gorillas are making clay pots. | 0:01:24 | 0:01:27 | |
Ooh, uh, the gorillas are ringing the bells. | 0:01:32 | 0:01:35 | |
-The Vikings are attacking. -Yes! Yes! | 0:01:55 | 0:01:59 | |
By Odin's thunder! | 0:02:00 | 0:02:02 | |
Ooh, are the gorillas ringing the bells? | 0:02:14 | 0:02:17 | |
Arrrgh! | 0:02:17 | 0:02:19 | |
Hello, I'm Brother Alfred and this is my new assistant, Brother Timothy. | 0:02:22 | 0:02:28 | |
Today we're going to teach you how to write like a monk. | 0:02:28 | 0:02:31 | |
Now you'll need something to write on, | 0:02:34 | 0:02:37 | |
so first take one cute little fluffy lamb... | 0:02:37 | 0:02:40 | |
BLEATING | 0:02:40 | 0:02:42 | |
..and cut its throat. | 0:02:42 | 0:02:44 | |
Remember, always ask your parents' permission | 0:02:50 | 0:02:54 | |
before you brutally slaughter a pet lamb. | 0:02:54 | 0:02:57 | |
Now you'll need a pen. | 0:02:59 | 0:03:01 | |
Brother Timothy, go and fetch a goose feather. | 0:03:01 | 0:03:06 | |
Remember, always ask the goose's permission before plucking a feather. | 0:03:06 | 0:03:11 | |
Next, you need to cut off the skin from the lamb | 0:03:15 | 0:03:18 | |
and stretch it over a wooden frame. | 0:03:18 | 0:03:21 | |
To make your pen, you simply trim off the feathers with a sharp knife, | 0:03:26 | 0:03:30 | |
square off the end, make a slit up the shaft and there, perfect. | 0:03:30 | 0:03:35 | |
So now you have a pen, something to write on. | 0:03:38 | 0:03:41 | |
Now, you just need some ink | 0:03:41 | 0:03:43 | |
and for that we're going to need some wasp's eggs. | 0:03:43 | 0:03:47 | |
HE GRUMBLES | 0:03:49 | 0:03:52 | |
You'll also need some vinegar, some gum for thickening... | 0:03:52 | 0:03:57 | |
and some copper water for colour. | 0:03:57 | 0:03:59 | |
SCREAMING AND BUZZING | 0:03:59 | 0:04:00 | |
Take the wasp's eggs and mix them all together. | 0:04:03 | 0:04:06 | |
And now... | 0:04:08 | 0:04:10 | |
we're ready for some fancy monk writing. | 0:04:10 | 0:04:14 | |
Mmm...yeah. Oh. | 0:04:14 | 0:04:16 | |
Oh, drat. | 0:04:18 | 0:04:19 | |
We're going to have to do that all over again. | 0:04:19 | 0:04:22 | |
Viewers may like to know that all the names in the following sketch | 0:04:29 | 0:04:32 | |
are genuine Victorian names. | 0:04:32 | 0:04:34 | |
Good day. | 0:04:34 | 0:04:35 | |
Right, settle down. | 0:04:40 | 0:04:41 | |
Mr Butler isn't here today, so I'll be taking the register. | 0:04:43 | 0:04:47 | |
Uh, now I don't know any of you, | 0:04:47 | 0:04:49 | |
so be sure to call out when you hear your name. | 0:04:49 | 0:04:52 | |
Raspberry Lemon, | 0:04:52 | 0:04:54 | |
Lettuce Burger. | 0:04:54 | 0:04:56 | |
Bovril. | 0:04:56 | 0:04:58 | |
I'm sorry, I think I must have picked up a shopping list. | 0:04:58 | 0:05:01 | |
No, Miss, those are children's names. | 0:05:01 | 0:05:03 | |
They're not answering cos they're sick. | 0:05:03 | 0:05:06 | |
Bovril and Raspberry? | 0:05:06 | 0:05:08 | |
Honestly, Christian names have got really weird | 0:05:08 | 0:05:10 | |
since Victoria became Queen. | 0:05:10 | 0:05:12 | |
Well, OK, on with the register. | 0:05:12 | 0:05:14 | |
-On my way, Miss. -Sit down, what are you talking about? | 0:05:14 | 0:05:17 | |
You said, "OK, on with the register." | 0:05:17 | 0:05:20 | |
I'm OK, OK Johnson. | 0:05:20 | 0:05:23 | |
Well, OK, uh, | 0:05:23 | 0:05:25 | |
unless I give permission, never get out of your seat. | 0:05:25 | 0:05:28 | |
-Yes, miss. -Why are you standing up? | 0:05:28 | 0:05:30 | |
You said, "Never get out of your seat," I'm Never, Never Rookrook. | 0:05:30 | 0:05:34 | |
Has nobody got an ordinary name in this classroom? Yes? | 0:05:34 | 0:05:38 | |
-Toilet. -All right, be quick. | 0:05:38 | 0:05:40 | |
No, that's my name. | 0:05:40 | 0:05:42 | |
I think that's quite a normal name. My sister's called Baboon. | 0:05:42 | 0:05:46 | |
Toilet and Baboon? | 0:05:46 | 0:05:48 | |
Your parents must be evil. | 0:05:48 | 0:05:50 | |
No, that's Evil over there. | 0:05:50 | 0:05:52 | |
Yes? | 0:05:54 | 0:05:55 | |
I've got an ordinary name, Miss, it's Susan. | 0:05:55 | 0:05:57 | |
Ah, that's more like it. | 0:05:57 | 0:05:59 | |
Susan Semolina Thrower. | 0:05:59 | 0:06:01 | |
Right, let's just try and get through this, shall we? | 0:06:01 | 0:06:05 | |
I'll say your names, you say here | 0:06:05 | 0:06:08 | |
and uh, I'll try not to say your names accidentally. Happy? | 0:06:08 | 0:06:11 | |
-Yes, Miss? -Don't tell me your name's Happy? | 0:06:11 | 0:06:14 | |
Right, register, here we go. | 0:06:16 | 0:06:19 | |
-Freezer Breezer. -Here, Miss. | 0:06:19 | 0:06:21 | |
-Princess Cheese. -Here, Miss. | 0:06:21 | 0:06:23 | |
-Minty Badger. -Here, Miss. | 0:06:23 | 0:06:25 | |
Scary Looker... | 0:06:25 | 0:06:27 | |
No, I'm sorry, why would anybody call their child Scary Looker? | 0:06:27 | 0:06:30 | |
Forget I asked. | 0:06:32 | 0:06:33 | |
Now... | 0:06:33 | 0:06:35 | |
I am... | 0:06:35 | 0:06:37 | |
Miss... | 0:06:37 | 0:06:39 | |
Farting... | 0:06:39 | 0:06:42 | |
Clack. | 0:06:42 | 0:06:43 | |
Good morning Miss Farting Clack. | 0:06:45 | 0:06:49 | |
CHILDREN GIGGLE | 0:06:49 | 0:06:51 | |
Oh, hello there. Yes, those really were all real Victorian names. | 0:06:51 | 0:06:55 | |
Minty Badger and Princess Cheese. | 0:06:55 | 0:06:59 | |
Eh, it makes what celebrities call their children nowadays | 0:06:59 | 0:07:03 | |
almost normal. | 0:07:03 | 0:07:04 | |
Yeah, right! | 0:07:04 | 0:07:05 | |
Our Queen, Victoria, had something of a weight problem. | 0:07:06 | 0:07:09 | |
She was advised to do more walking but she refused. | 0:07:09 | 0:07:12 | |
Victoria simply hated taking exercise. | 0:07:12 | 0:07:15 | |
Do you want a body like Queen Victoria's? | 0:07:17 | 0:07:19 | |
Do you want to be wider than you are tall? | 0:07:19 | 0:07:22 | |
Then you need help, or The Queen Victoria workout. | 0:07:22 | 0:07:27 | |
It's not easy staying in shape when you're a busy royal, so I don't. | 0:07:27 | 0:07:31 | |
Let me show you how. | 0:07:31 | 0:07:33 | |
And sit, and rule. And sit and rule. | 0:07:33 | 0:07:38 | |
Wait for it. | 0:07:38 | 0:07:40 | |
And rule some more. | 0:07:40 | 0:07:42 | |
That's right, sit and rule, like Queen Victoria did for 63 years. | 0:07:42 | 0:07:46 | |
Now, let's exercise those arms. | 0:07:46 | 0:07:50 | |
And recreate Queen Victoria's mourning for her husband Albert. | 0:07:50 | 0:07:54 | |
Don't forget to wear black. | 0:07:54 | 0:07:57 | |
And... | 0:07:57 | 0:07:59 | |
Mourn. And mourn. That's it. | 0:07:59 | 0:08:03 | |
Keep going for the next 40 years. | 0:08:03 | 0:08:07 | |
OK, time to try some dips. | 0:08:07 | 0:08:11 | |
Watch out, Ma'am, he's an assassin. | 0:08:11 | 0:08:13 | |
And dip. | 0:08:13 | 0:08:14 | |
And dip again. | 0:08:14 | 0:08:17 | |
Yes, dip like Queen Vic. | 0:08:17 | 0:08:18 | |
She survived seven attempts to assassinate her. | 0:08:18 | 0:08:22 | |
Phew, some real exercise. | 0:08:22 | 0:08:26 | |
Now I'm exhausted and hungry. | 0:08:26 | 0:08:30 | |
The Queen Victoria workout, | 0:08:30 | 0:08:32 | |
learn the secrets of how the Queen stays out of shape. | 0:08:32 | 0:08:35 | |
Yes, you too can have a body that only looks good in a black sack. | 0:08:35 | 0:08:39 | |
We Romans had some horrible ways of entertaining ourselves, | 0:08:46 | 0:08:50 | |
like watching gladiators fight against wild animals. | 0:08:50 | 0:08:55 | |
People of Rome, | 0:08:55 | 0:08:56 | |
welcome to the final day of Emperor Titus's 100 days of games. | 0:08:56 | 0:09:01 | |
To mark the opening of the mighty Coliseum, | 0:09:01 | 0:09:04 | |
we've seen gladiators take on lions, tigers, buffalo, rhino, | 0:09:04 | 0:09:09 | |
even crocodiles. | 0:09:09 | 0:09:10 | |
What will they bring you today? | 0:09:10 | 0:09:13 | |
Oh, just as long as it's not tigers, I hate tigers. | 0:09:13 | 0:09:16 | |
Release the beasts. | 0:09:16 | 0:09:17 | |
CHEERING | 0:09:17 | 0:09:18 | |
Well, um, we've got a bit of a problem with today's show. | 0:09:23 | 0:09:26 | |
We, we've run out of animals. | 0:09:26 | 0:09:29 | |
-What? -Well, after 100 days of entertainment, | 0:09:29 | 0:09:32 | |
they have all been slaughtered. | 0:09:32 | 0:09:33 | |
We've literally run out. | 0:09:33 | 0:09:35 | |
-So no lions? -No. -Tigers? -No. | 0:09:35 | 0:09:37 | |
Thank gods. | 0:09:37 | 0:09:39 | |
We have found half a bear, but it's not much good at fighting. | 0:09:39 | 0:09:42 | |
Elephants? Leopards? Hippos? | 0:09:42 | 0:09:45 | |
No. Rome has plundered the whole of North Africa for wild animals | 0:09:45 | 0:09:49 | |
and you gladiators have killed them all. | 0:09:49 | 0:09:51 | |
There are none left. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:53 | |
What's going on down there? | 0:09:53 | 0:09:55 | |
Nothing. Won't be a second. | 0:09:55 | 0:09:58 | |
Listen, the crowd are baying for blood. | 0:09:58 | 0:10:01 | |
We've got to find an animal to slaughter, otherwise we're dead men. | 0:10:01 | 0:10:05 | |
-We'll have to fight one another. -Well, there is one, I suppose. | 0:10:05 | 0:10:10 | |
CHEERING | 0:10:22 | 0:10:24 | |
A gerbil? | 0:10:24 | 0:10:25 | |
That's 100% accu-rat. | 0:10:32 | 0:10:34 | |
Well, except that little bit about the gerbil, | 0:10:34 | 0:10:36 | |
which is just a bit silly. | 0:10:36 | 0:10:37 | |
But the Romans really did run out of animals for their games. | 0:10:37 | 0:10:41 | |
In fact, they took so many lions from North Africa, | 0:10:41 | 0:10:44 | |
that there are no lions in North Africa to this day. | 0:10:44 | 0:10:47 | |
That's right, the rat knows all. Aha! | 0:10:47 | 0:10:50 | |
One performance in the Roman arena featured elephants | 0:10:50 | 0:10:54 | |
doing what with their trunks? | 0:10:54 | 0:10:56 | |
Was it: | 0:10:56 | 0:10:57 | |
The answer is... | 0:11:04 | 0:11:06 | |
B. | 0:11:06 | 0:11:07 | |
The elephants traced Latin words in the sand with their trunks. | 0:11:07 | 0:11:10 | |
Of course, we Romans didn't just use animals for entertainment, | 0:11:13 | 0:11:17 | |
we also used them to execute people, in some very strange ways. | 0:11:17 | 0:11:23 | |
Get your animals for execution here. | 0:11:23 | 0:11:26 | |
All the animals you need for traditional Roman executions | 0:11:26 | 0:11:29 | |
under one roof. | 0:11:29 | 0:11:31 | |
Yes, sir? | 0:11:31 | 0:11:33 | |
Yeah, hi, um, I'd like to buy 5,000 wasps. | 0:11:33 | 0:11:36 | |
Ooh, we've had a bit of a run on wasps, very low on stock. | 0:11:36 | 0:11:40 | |
Oh, dear. Um, do you have any other winged insect | 0:11:40 | 0:11:43 | |
that can sting a man to death who's covered in honey? | 0:11:43 | 0:11:46 | |
Not really. A bee could do it on a good day, but there's no guarantee. | 0:11:46 | 0:11:52 | |
I've got this criminal | 0:11:52 | 0:11:53 | |
and I'm supposed to get him stung to death by wasps. | 0:11:53 | 0:11:56 | |
Well, have you considered sticking him in a sack | 0:11:56 | 0:11:59 | |
with a wild dog and a lobster? | 0:11:59 | 0:12:01 | |
The thing is we've already covered him in honey. | 0:12:01 | 0:12:03 | |
Oh, yes, I see your point. | 0:12:03 | 0:12:05 | |
Well, I do have a delivery of wasps coming in on Tuesday, | 0:12:05 | 0:12:08 | |
if that's any good to ya. | 0:12:08 | 0:12:09 | |
No, I really need him killed this side of the weekend. | 0:12:09 | 0:12:12 | |
In which case, I think, honey or no honey, | 0:12:12 | 0:12:14 | |
your best bet is gonna be a dog and a lobster. | 0:12:14 | 0:12:17 | |
Do you think it would do the job? | 0:12:17 | 0:12:18 | |
Yeah, you'd usually tie up the sack and chuck it in a river, | 0:12:18 | 0:12:21 | |
just to be sure. | 0:12:21 | 0:12:22 | |
-Seems a bit cruel to the dog. -But the lobster loves it. | 0:12:22 | 0:12:25 | |
And we're giving away a free sack with every dog-lobster combo, | 0:12:25 | 0:12:29 | |
this week only. | 0:12:29 | 0:12:30 | |
I dunno, the boss was quite specific about the whole wasp thing. | 0:12:30 | 0:12:34 | |
I'll do you a good deal and uh, that's not the only combo, nah, no, | 0:12:34 | 0:12:38 | |
dog and lobster's the most popular one, | 0:12:38 | 0:12:40 | |
but I can do ya pig and octopus, | 0:12:40 | 0:12:43 | |
badger and prawns, monkey with a stingray, camel and a goldfish. | 0:12:43 | 0:12:49 | |
I wouldn't recommend camel and a goldfish, you need a massive sack | 0:12:49 | 0:12:52 | |
and they don't do a good job. | 0:12:52 | 0:12:54 | |
Mmm. D'you know what, thinking about it, | 0:12:54 | 0:12:56 | |
I might just hit him over the head with a shovel. | 0:12:56 | 0:12:59 | |
-Yeah, that's probably best. -Thanks, anyway. -All right. | 0:12:59 | 0:13:02 | |
Right, come on you. | 0:13:02 | 0:13:03 | |
-Yes, mate? -I'd like to make a complaint. | 0:13:05 | 0:13:08 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:13:12 | 0:13:14 | |
OK, some of those weren't real execution methods, | 0:13:14 | 0:13:17 | |
but they did sting people to death with wasps, | 0:13:17 | 0:13:20 | |
and the Roman punishment for killing your father | 0:13:20 | 0:13:23 | |
really was being tied up in a sack with an angry dog... | 0:13:23 | 0:13:26 | |
and a lobster... and thrown into the river. | 0:13:26 | 0:13:28 | |
Cor, what a way to go, eh? | 0:13:28 | 0:13:31 | |
Heh. Nippy, but clean. | 0:13:31 | 0:13:34 | |
Time again for our fairytale series, | 0:13:38 | 0:13:41 | |
where the stories are retold in different historical settings. | 0:13:41 | 0:13:45 | |
Today, The Ugly Duckling - the Middle Ages Version. | 0:13:45 | 0:13:49 | |
And the Ugly Duckling was very sad because he was so very ugly. | 0:13:49 | 0:13:55 | |
But then, one day, the Ugly Duckling looked at his reflection | 0:13:55 | 0:14:00 | |
and found that he had grown into a beautiful swan. | 0:14:00 | 0:14:04 | |
"Oh, happy day, I'm not ugly any more!" said the swan. | 0:14:04 | 0:14:09 | |
Ha ha ha ha, you certainly aren't. | 0:14:09 | 0:14:12 | |
Said the King, who happened to be passing that day. | 0:14:12 | 0:14:15 | |
You're a beautiful swan. | 0:14:15 | 0:14:18 | |
And the beautiful swan was very happy, until the King added... | 0:14:18 | 0:14:23 | |
And you'll make an even more beautiful pie. | 0:14:23 | 0:14:27 | |
Yes, the King killed the swan and ate him, | 0:14:27 | 0:14:31 | |
because this was the Middle Ages and swan pie was a bit of a treat | 0:14:31 | 0:14:35 | |
for posh people in those days, | 0:14:35 | 0:14:37 | |
and so the Ugly Duckling would've been better off staying ugly. | 0:14:37 | 0:14:42 | |
The end. | 0:14:42 | 0:14:43 | |
Did you know that in the late 1400s, | 0:14:43 | 0:14:46 | |
King Henry VII passed a law | 0:14:46 | 0:14:48 | |
saying that only royals could kill and eat swans? | 0:14:48 | 0:14:51 | |
To this very day, the Queen owns all the swans in Britain, | 0:14:51 | 0:14:55 | |
except for the ones in Orkney, | 0:14:55 | 0:14:57 | |
where an old Viking law still states that they belong to everyone. | 0:14:57 | 0:15:02 | |
Hmm, not just a pretty face, me, eh? | 0:15:02 | 0:15:05 | |
And if you think eating roast swan is weird, wait till you find out | 0:15:05 | 0:15:09 | |
what one posh bloke served up for his Middle Ages dinner party. | 0:15:09 | 0:15:13 | |
Almost there. | 0:15:15 | 0:15:17 | |
I tell you, if I ever have to look at another napkin again, | 0:15:17 | 0:15:22 | |
or another swan for that matter... | 0:15:22 | 0:15:24 | |
-Eh, look lively, here comes the boss. -His Lordship, the Earl of Warwick. | 0:15:24 | 0:15:28 | |
Right, I wish to see the Chief Cook | 0:15:28 | 0:15:31 | |
or whichever peasant stinks the least. | 0:15:31 | 0:15:33 | |
My Lord? | 0:15:33 | 0:15:34 | |
Mmm, tolerable. | 0:15:36 | 0:15:38 | |
I would ask your name, but I don't care. | 0:15:38 | 0:15:40 | |
No, I simply came down here | 0:15:40 | 0:15:42 | |
to check on the preparations for tonight's banquet. | 0:15:42 | 0:15:45 | |
It's not every day I get the chance to celebrate | 0:15:45 | 0:15:48 | |
-my brother being made Archbishop. -No, my Lord. | 0:15:48 | 0:15:50 | |
Which is why I've laid 60 cooks at your disposal, to create a feast, | 0:15:50 | 0:15:55 | |
the likes of which the world has never seen. | 0:15:55 | 0:15:58 | |
-Yes, my Lord. -After all, I need to set a good example. | 0:15:58 | 0:16:02 | |
HE BURPS | 0:16:02 | 0:16:05 | |
As requested, we've lovingly prepared 104 juicy oxen. | 0:16:05 | 0:16:08 | |
Marvellous. I love a bit of nice, lean beef, don't you cook? | 0:16:08 | 0:16:11 | |
I wouldn't know, sir, | 0:16:11 | 0:16:13 | |
us peasants can't afford such pleasures. | 0:16:13 | 0:16:15 | |
Well, if you'll insist on being poor. And what else? | 0:16:15 | 0:16:19 | |
Um, 1,000 sizzling swine. | 0:16:19 | 0:16:22 | |
1,000? Oh, better make it two, be on the safe side. | 0:16:22 | 0:16:25 | |
Uh, an extra thousand swine, right you are, my Lord. | 0:16:25 | 0:16:28 | |
Then we've 1,000 sheep, 13 desserts. | 0:16:28 | 0:16:30 | |
13?! | 0:16:30 | 0:16:31 | |
Oh, well, excuse me, 13,000 desserts. | 0:16:31 | 0:16:35 | |
Mmm. | 0:16:35 | 0:16:36 | |
-And uh, the vegetables? -None at all, sir. | 0:16:36 | 0:16:39 | |
Excellent. I don't want my guests thinking I eat like a peasant. | 0:16:39 | 0:16:43 | |
Oh, no, sir, carrots and the like are for scum like me, sir. | 0:16:43 | 0:16:46 | |
Yes, they are. Hmm-mmm. | 0:16:46 | 0:16:48 | |
All right, go about your business, you grubby little commoner. | 0:16:48 | 0:16:53 | |
Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. | 0:16:53 | 0:16:54 | |
Right, we need 1,000 extra swine. | 0:16:54 | 0:16:56 | |
NO-O-O-O! | 0:16:56 | 0:16:58 | |
Cancel the swans, I've changed my mind. | 0:17:00 | 0:17:04 | |
Make 'em into the shape of crowns. | 0:17:04 | 0:17:07 | |
Yes... Little crowns. | 0:17:07 | 0:17:10 | |
SHE SOBS | 0:17:17 | 0:17:19 | |
That's exactly what the Earl of Warwick served up to his guests | 0:17:19 | 0:17:22 | |
when his brother became Archbishop. | 0:17:22 | 0:17:24 | |
That's 100% accu-rat. | 0:17:24 | 0:17:27 | |
Ha. Personally, I'm happy with the odd dead pigeon. | 0:17:27 | 0:17:30 | |
HE GASPS | 0:17:30 | 0:17:31 | |
Darn rats. | 0:17:31 | 0:17:32 | |
Which of these table manners was considered acceptable | 0:17:32 | 0:17:36 | |
in the Middle Ages? | 0:17:36 | 0:17:38 | |
Was it: | 0:17:38 | 0:17:39 | |
The answer is... | 0:17:46 | 0:17:48 | |
C. You could burp at the table, but not into people's faces. | 0:17:48 | 0:17:53 | |
And now it's time to meet those ever- so-clever chaps, the brainy Greeks. | 0:17:58 | 0:18:03 | |
Good evening, I'm Aristotle, ancient Greek philosopher. | 0:18:03 | 0:18:07 | |
And I'm Archimedes, inventor, physicist, mathematician, engineer. | 0:18:07 | 0:18:11 | |
And big head. | 0:18:11 | 0:18:12 | |
THEY LAUGH | 0:18:12 | 0:18:14 | |
And now, from Ancient Greece, | 0:19:20 | 0:19:22 | |
another brilliant invention, the First Play Ever. | 0:19:22 | 0:19:26 | |
Greetings other person in this play. | 0:19:27 | 0:19:30 | |
Greetings yourself. | 0:19:30 | 0:19:33 | |
CHEERING | 0:19:33 | 0:19:34 | |
'Two men stand still onstage and talk to each other for four hours. | 0:19:34 | 0:19:39 | |
'Yes, four hours! | 0:19:39 | 0:19:41 | |
'With no action. | 0:19:41 | 0:19:45 | |
'No costumes, and no interval. | 0:19:45 | 0:19:50 | |
'The First Play Ever, by Aeschylus. | 0:19:50 | 0:19:54 | |
'In Greek amphitheatres in 474 BC. | 0:19:54 | 0:19:58 | |
'I know it looks boring, but there's literally nothing else on.' | 0:19:58 | 0:20:02 | |
HE SNORES | 0:20:02 | 0:20:05 | |
Mmm, sorry. Hmm. Up to that point, going to the theatre | 0:20:05 | 0:20:10 | |
meant watching one man drivelling on for hours. | 0:20:10 | 0:20:12 | |
Two men drivelling on for hours was a major breakthrough. | 0:20:12 | 0:20:17 | |
HE SNORES | 0:20:17 | 0:20:19 | |
That's right, and from then on | 0:20:19 | 0:20:21 | |
Greek plays were either tragedies or comedies, | 0:20:21 | 0:20:25 | |
which is funny because the way their inventor died was a bit of both. | 0:20:25 | 0:20:29 | |
# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths | 0:20:32 | 0:20:33 | |
# They're funny cos they're true | 0:20:33 | 0:20:36 | |
# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths | 0:20:36 | 0:20:39 | |
# Hope next time it's not you. # | 0:20:39 | 0:20:41 | |
Ooh. | 0:20:41 | 0:20:42 | |
Next. | 0:20:42 | 0:20:44 | |
Ah, at last. | 0:20:44 | 0:20:47 | |
-Name? -Aeschylus. | 0:20:47 | 0:20:49 | |
Oh, year of death? | 0:20:49 | 0:20:51 | |
458 BC. | 0:20:51 | 0:20:54 | |
-Profession? -Greek playwright. | 0:20:54 | 0:20:57 | |
I'll just put la-di-dah writer. Hmm. | 0:20:57 | 0:20:59 | |
Method of death? | 0:20:59 | 0:21:02 | |
Well, I was walking along, minding my own business. | 0:21:02 | 0:21:05 | |
There was an eagle flying high in the sky above me, | 0:21:05 | 0:21:08 | |
it had caught a tortoise and was looking for a rock to drop it upon. | 0:21:08 | 0:21:11 | |
Eh? | 0:21:11 | 0:21:13 | |
You know, to crack it open so it could eat it. | 0:21:13 | 0:21:16 | |
Oh, I see, and? | 0:21:16 | 0:21:18 | |
It saw my bald head shining in the sun. | 0:21:18 | 0:21:21 | |
And mistook it for a rock? | 0:21:21 | 0:21:23 | |
Yes. Splat. | 0:21:23 | 0:21:25 | |
I was killed instantly. | 0:21:25 | 0:21:27 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:21:27 | 0:21:31 | |
What, stone dead? | 0:21:31 | 0:21:33 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:21:33 | 0:21:35 | |
You're dead funny. | 0:21:37 | 0:21:39 | |
-And what happened to the tortoise? -Oh, it was fine. | 0:21:40 | 0:21:43 | |
TURTLEY fine? | 0:21:44 | 0:21:46 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:21:46 | 0:21:48 | |
-Turtley fine. -Very funny. | 0:21:48 | 0:21:50 | |
It was a tortoise. | 0:21:50 | 0:21:51 | |
-It still works. -No, it doesn't. | 0:21:51 | 0:21:53 | |
Turtley fine - tortoise. | 0:21:53 | 0:21:56 | |
It works. Get out. | 0:21:56 | 0:21:58 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:21:58 | 0:21:59 | |
Did you hear my joke? It was very funny. Next. | 0:21:59 | 0:22:03 | |
# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths | 0:22:03 | 0:22:05 | |
# Hope next time it's not you. # | 0:22:05 | 0:22:08 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:23:11 | 0:23:14 | |
In World War II, lots of children were sent to the countryside | 0:23:19 | 0:23:22 | |
to be safe from bombs, | 0:23:22 | 0:23:24 | |
and to find a family to take them in, they needed to look their best. | 0:23:24 | 0:23:29 | |
It's no good, dear, too late. All that's left are the dregs. | 0:23:36 | 0:23:39 | |
Don't be mean. These poor little urchins | 0:23:39 | 0:23:41 | |
have come from the city to escape Hitler's bombs. | 0:23:41 | 0:23:45 | |
They've left their mothers and fathers behind, | 0:23:45 | 0:23:48 | |
they need care, compassion and a roof over their heads. | 0:23:48 | 0:23:51 | |
They need a good wash. | 0:23:51 | 0:23:53 | |
I mean, look at this little fellow. | 0:23:53 | 0:23:55 | |
Hello there, have you got a name? | 0:23:55 | 0:23:58 | |
Got fleas. | 0:23:58 | 0:24:00 | |
Urgh. Maybe you're right, dear, | 0:24:00 | 0:24:03 | |
perhaps we should come back tomorrow. | 0:24:03 | 0:24:06 | |
Mmm. | 0:24:06 | 0:24:07 | |
Oh, why, thank you. | 0:24:08 | 0:24:11 | |
Oh, Harold, look, she's perfect. | 0:24:11 | 0:24:13 | |
We'll take this one, please. Come on. | 0:24:13 | 0:24:17 | |
At last, I've been standing there for BLEEP ages. | 0:24:19 | 0:24:22 | |
Let's go BLEEP home. | 0:24:22 | 0:24:24 | |
I'm BLEEP starving. | 0:24:24 | 0:24:25 | |
On second thoughts, we'll take the fleabag. | 0:24:25 | 0:24:28 | |
And life wasn't any easier for the children in Germany. | 0:24:33 | 0:24:37 | |
Are you a German boy aged 10 to 14? | 0:24:39 | 0:24:42 | |
Vant to learn how to tie knots, | 0:24:42 | 0:24:45 | |
pitch a tent und sing songs around ze campfire? | 0:24:45 | 0:24:49 | |
Vant to learn how to march? | 0:24:49 | 0:24:52 | |
Fight und die in battle? | 0:24:52 | 0:24:53 | |
Eh? | 0:24:53 | 0:24:54 | |
So join the Hitler Youth today | 0:24:55 | 0:24:58 | |
and be taught to despise anyone who isn't German. | 0:24:58 | 0:25:02 | |
Everyone is signing up. | 0:25:02 | 0:25:04 | |
Don't miss out, you must join today. | 0:25:04 | 0:25:07 | |
No, really, you MUST join. | 0:25:07 | 0:25:09 | |
It's compulsory. | 0:25:09 | 0:25:11 | |
Join up and get our Hitler Youth special offer. | 0:25:11 | 0:25:15 | |
Report your parents for listening to enemy radio today | 0:25:15 | 0:25:19 | |
and we promise to have them locked up for years. | 0:25:19 | 0:25:24 | |
Plus, get three posters of your favourite German celebrities. | 0:25:24 | 0:25:28 | |
There's me, und there's me und there iz also me. | 0:25:28 | 0:25:32 | |
Yes, join the Hitler Youth, | 0:25:32 | 0:25:34 | |
and if you're lucky we'll run so short of troops | 0:25:34 | 0:25:37 | |
we'll send you off to fight und get killed for the Fatherland. | 0:25:37 | 0:25:41 | |
But I'm only 10. | 0:25:41 | 0:25:44 | |
Talk to the hand coz the face ain't listening. | 0:25:44 | 0:25:47 | |
The Hitler Youth, it is just like the Scouts, only evil. | 0:25:47 | 0:25:54 | |
When the Allies stormed into Berlin at the end of World War II, | 0:25:55 | 0:25:59 | |
most of the German soldiers they found were children or teenagers. | 0:25:59 | 0:26:03 | |
They were forced to defend their capital or be shot for cowardice, | 0:26:03 | 0:26:07 | |
and one anti-aircraft gun was manned entirely by teenage girls. | 0:26:07 | 0:26:11 | |
It's horrible, but it's true. | 0:26:11 | 0:26:14 | |
True or false? | 0:26:14 | 0:26:16 | |
Adolf Hitler was a vegetarian and hated to see creatures suffer? | 0:26:16 | 0:26:20 | |
It's... | 0:26:22 | 0:26:23 | |
true. | 0:26:23 | 0:26:24 | |
Amongst other things... | 0:26:24 | 0:26:25 | |
When he knew he'd lost the war, Adolf Hitler, the Nazi leader, | 0:26:29 | 0:26:33 | |
killed himself in his Berlin bunker. | 0:26:33 | 0:26:35 | |
Hitler was dead, or was he? | 0:26:37 | 0:26:40 | |
Well, obviously he was, but many believed Hitler had survived. | 0:26:40 | 0:26:46 | |
After the war, there were hundreds of stories circulating | 0:26:46 | 0:26:49 | |
about him being alive and... | 0:26:49 | 0:26:51 | |
Well, here are the top three strangest Hitler rumours. | 0:26:51 | 0:26:55 | |
Number three, he was living as a shepherd in Switzerland. | 0:26:56 | 0:27:01 | |
All right, men, will you follow me? | 0:27:01 | 0:27:05 | |
SHEEP BLEAT | 0:27:05 | 0:27:08 | |
Goot. Right, I'm off to teach a goose how to march the goosestep. | 0:27:08 | 0:27:13 | |
Number two, he was working as a fisherman in Ireland. | 0:27:14 | 0:27:19 | |
Are you coming, Sean? | 0:27:20 | 0:27:21 | |
I'll be with you in a second, Patrick, begorra. | 0:27:21 | 0:27:24 | |
I just need to trim the old moustache. | 0:27:24 | 0:27:27 | |
And number one, he was living in an underground hideout in Sweden, | 0:27:30 | 0:27:34 | |
with enough tinned food to last for years. | 0:27:34 | 0:27:38 | |
Unfortunately for me, it's all baked beans. | 0:27:38 | 0:27:41 | |
HE BREAKS WIND | 0:27:41 | 0:27:43 | |
Urgh, phewph, I wish I WAS dead. | 0:27:43 | 0:27:47 | |
# Tall tales, atrocious acts We gave you all the fearsome facts | 0:27:47 | 0:27:50 | |
# No glitz We showed you all the juicy bits | 0:27:50 | 0:27:52 | |
# Gory, ghastly, mean and cruel Stuff they don't teach you at school | 0:27:52 | 0:27:57 | |
# The past is no longer a mystery | 0:27:57 | 0:28:00 | |
# Hope you enjoyed Horrible Histories. # | 0:28:00 | 0:28:03 | |
E-mail [email protected] | 0:28:03 | 0:28:06 |