Royal Trubble Hotel Trubble

Welcome to Hotel Trubble! Meet Sally, our receptionist.

Always service with a smile!

And that's Lenny. He's a man of many talents.

We're just not sure what they are yet.

And here's Mrs Poshington and her cat General Sirius Poshington.

She's our regular pest... I mean guest.

She never leaves.

Which just leaves me, Jamie.

I'm the Bellboy.

Can I take your bags?

# Hotel Trubble for ever

# It's the pits and we know we're stuck but we love it

# Hotel Trubble for ever

# As we try to survive each day brings disaster

# Hotel Trubble for ever

# We're a team, staying calm Arm in arm, so the hotel survives

# Double trouble Always got a plan

# Hotel Trubble Be your biggest fan

# Trouble, trouble Keep our hotel alive. #

Sally, I have a complaint!

I'm on lunch.

-But it's only just gone breakfast time.

-Not in Tokyo.

Now, Sally. My cousin Lizzy is coming to tea this afternoon

-and I'm very unhappy about the tea set in my room.

-Looks fine to me.

How about that!

Well, Lenny stuck them down so people couldn't steal them.

And how, pray tell, does one drink one's tea?

Suck it up!

And what about the General? He likes a saucer on the floor.

Sirius drinks milk.

Well, of course not.

-He drinks tea. Like me.

-MIAOW!

Well, I guess you'll have to just dip him in it.

Oh!

-Good morning, Mrs Poshington.

-It most certainly is not!

What's up with her today?

-I can't tell you.

-Why not?

-I'm on my tea break.

-But it's only just gone breakfast!

-Not in New York!

Well, it's work time here! Hold this.

It's for the Centenary Celebration later today.

I stayed up half the night making it! What do you think?

Er... Yeah, it's rubbish,

-I reckon you should've stayed up all night doing it.

-Thanks.

Woo!

CRASH!

Look what you've done!

I know, it's brilliant! I made it on time for once!

-I borrowed this scooter off my gran.

-Your gran?

She's still got her skateboard.

This is a very important day. We must make the hotel look perfect.

We don't want any last minute hiccups.

PHONE RINGS Hiya, Mr Trubble. It's Mr Trubble.

There's been a last minute hiccup.

Mm-hm. Yeah.

Ah!

Oh.

Really?!

Ah! No.

Ah!

Oh.

OK.

No, you put the phone down first. No, you do it!

No, you do it!

No, you put the phone down first, No, go on, go on.

OK then. All right then, bye!

-So, what did he say?

-Oh, yeah.

He said that the soapstar he'd booked to unveil the plaque at the ceremony

this afternoon is in casualty.

Oh, fantastic! I love that show!

No, he's broken his leg!

So we need to find a new VIP immediately.

There's not enough time! He can't expect us to do that!

He said we'd get a bonus of £1,000 each if we did.

Like I said, there's plenty of time to find a new VIP!

Right guys, we need to get our thinking caps on immediately.

Right, any ideas?

Yes, Lenny.

Instead of Cherry Cola,

why don't they make Potato Cola?

About our problem!

I've got it!

Why don't we just ask David Beckham to do it?

-Do you know David Beckham?

-No.

-Have you got his telephone number?

-No.

Then how do you propose we ask him?

Jamie, I'm just trying to help!

All we need is someone with a high profile to guarantee

our birthday celebrations end up in tomorrow's paper!

I've got it! She's gorgeous, she's famous and she's really friendly.

-Who?

-She's also good with animals,

but not so great with evil stepmothers.

But, she's got seven little friends

who she might bring along, if we're lucky!

# Hi ho, hi ho It's off to work we go... #

-Snow White?

-Yeah! That's the one.

-Yes, Lenny, she'd be perfect.

But unfortunately she's a character in a book...Hang on a minute!

That's it! The phone book.

There's bound to be someone in there!

No, no. Um, no...

No, no. Definitely not! Definitely not.

Yeah! Yes! He's perfect!

Royal VIP for hire. No celebration too small.

Will attend the opening of an envelope.

Karaoke and Balloon Twisting, optional extra!

Perfect! Eh, Sally?

# Loving you is easy cos you're beautiful

# Do-dun, do-dun, de-doo Ah-ah-ah ah-ah... #

Book him, book him! BOOK HIM NOW!

Mummy!

I can't get these shoes to shine no matter how much I polish them.

That's because they're trainers.

-Ah, so they are.

-Get up!

The Prince will be here any second!

Now where's Sally gone?

-Here I am!

-Argh!

Sally! What have you done to yourself?

-Nothing. I've just combed my hair.

-What with? A chainsaw?

Ahem!

This is His Royal Highness Prince Wally.

And this is Fartz, the Royal Corgi.

What an interesting name.

PARP!

And smell!

Well, I'm Jamie, this is Lenny, and this is Sally.

What ho! So, are you going to a fancy dress party or what?

-And who are you?

-Dance.

Mr Dance!

Oh! Mr... Sorry!

Shall we go through the details of the ceremony?

We'd like you to unveil the plaque...

His Majesty will discuss the details once the fee has been paid.

How much?!

We were thinking more along the lines of...

Come, your Majesty, these people are wasting our time!

No, we're not! Honestly! We'll get you the money...somehow.

Right, we need to raise this much money!

Our bonuses and my reputation depend on it. Any suggestions?

No. What about you, Sally?

-Where's Sally?

-Search me.

No, she's definitely not on you.

Great(!) Now there's only two of us to raise the cash!

Think, Lenny. What's the quickest way to make money?

-Rob a bank?

-A way that doesn't involve us going to jail!

-Get someone else to rob a bank?

-That's still illegal!

I know! We'll stage a Royal Variety Performance!

They make thousands of pounds for charity!

-What charity will we do it for?

-Us.

-Brilliant.

All we need is a stage,

-a paying audience and some world class performers!

-What?!

OK, who wants to come up first, and show us what you've got?

# People killing, people dying

# Children hurting Can you hear them crying

# Can you practice what you preach... #

# There's not a star in heaven that we can't reach. #

# A D F G M N O, R A N D U and W. #

We haven't got enough, not enough money. Can we get some more?

# It happens to be true

# I only want to be with you. #

# I don't know what it is

# That makes me feel like this

# I don't know who you are

# But you must be Some kind of superstar

# Cos you got all eyes on you

# No matter where you are... #

# Twinkle, twinkle, little star

# I don't know what it is

# That makes me feel like this

# I don't know who you are

# But you must be Some kind of superstar

# Cos you got all eyes on you

# No matter where you are. #

We're done now, ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much.

I think we've raised enough money to hire the Prince for our hotel.

CHEERING AND PUNCHING

My money's on the redhead!

I'm sorry to interrupt this programme.

My money's on the redhead too. But we bring you breaking news.

Police are on the look out for two confidence tricksters,

posing as a Prince and his manservant.

Oh... Nice hair! Wally Watford and Mickey Dance are unscrupulous conmen

-who'll stop at nothing to get their hands on your money!

-The fiends!

Oh, blimey!

Now we rejoin Jeremy Bile and his skank-a-tronic school girls.

Fight! Fight! Fight!

'Hello, and welcome back to The Jeremy Bile Show...'

Look what I've got, Mrs P!

Oh! Where did you find such a lovely looking set?

-I found it at my nan's house.

-Won't your grandmother miss it?

No, well, not till she realises it's gone.

Look, I even put tea in the teapot for you.

Oh, no, my dear, that's far too weak.

Even the General wouldn't want that, would you, Sirius?

Still, not to worry, I have some Darjeeling in my room.

My cousin Lizzy likes that. Thank you, dear...

Not so fast! One good turn deserves another, don't you think?

But this isn't a good turn, Sally, you're merely doing your job.

Well, I'll take it back then.

Oh, very well, what is it you want?

I want you to turn me into a lady, fit to marry a prince!

You, a lady?

What a preposterous idea!

Well, it's that or the straws!

Ooh, very nice! Very nice indeed.

Oh, hello! You look good enough to eat so you do, Your Majesty!

Psst!

Oi!

It's me, you donkey! Keep it down!

Why are you sneaking up on me? I could've had an heart attack.

You need a heart for that. Drop the act! They're on to us!

-What do you mean?

-The old lady knows we're a couple of tea leaves.

-I ain't no thief!

-Where d'you get that then?

Fair enough. Come on, let's leg it.

Your Majesty! We've got your money!

Although it's in coins.

-And high street vouchers.

-And a rubber duck.

That's very, very generous of you, but unfortunately we have to go...

to the changing of the guards.

Them fellas in the big hats hate it if there ain't a Royal

-there to watch. So thanks very much.

-Hang on, we had a deal.

Er, Dance?

I meant Mr Dance!

I think what his Royal Highness was trying to say was, you may

have met his fee but you have totally overlooked his precious Corgi, Fartz.

-Have I? Er, yes, I am.

-What do you want us to do for the Corgi?

Well, as you may have noticed, Fartz has a slight wind problem.

PARP! PARP! PARP!

Which means he requires a very special diet.

Are your staff qualified to prepare such a dish for him?

-Oh.

-You can't expect the Prince to attend the ceremony

-if you can't take care of his Fartz.

-No. Course not.

Right. We'll stay here while you prepare it.

Lenny, a word.

Er...sausages.

No. A quiet word!

(Sausages.)

Lenny! What are we going to do?

I dunno!

The rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain.

Oh, wow, does it? I didn't know that!

What are you doing? We've got a major problem.

-The Prince's dog Fartz...

-All dogs fart.

-No!

The Prince wants us to make a special dish for his dog, Fartz

or he won't attend the ceremony and we won't get our bonus.

-Ask Chef!

-Of course! Perfect!

How do you do?

Um...

Oh, I'm very well, thank you.

-How do you do?

-Like I said, I'm fine thanks.

SALLY!

-Mrs Poshington, have you met the Prince?

-What prince?

CRASH!

Oh-oh!

What did Chef say?

He went...

What Lenny's trying to say is we've got to make our own dog food.

OK, Lenny, we've got to make some dog food for Fartz.

And we're gonna use all of this to do it. OK, we need a volunteer.

It stands to reason that if kids like dogs,

then they must know how to make good dog food.

Our first volunteer thinks that the secret is tomato sauce,

salad cream, mushy peas...

-Don't use that! Don't use that!

-..and Spam.

But the proof is in the pudding! Get that in your mouth.

Yeaurgh!

Is that good enough for a dog? Oh, oh.

Other volunteers combine seaweed, salami, tuna, chocolate,

marshmallows and, of course, a gherkin.

-Do you think the dog will like this?

-Yes. All of it!

Yeaurgh!

Is that good enough?

But I feel inspired.

Surely Fartz will love a mixture of mushy peas, kidney beans, Spam,

strawberry jam, salad cream and the missing ingredient - olives.

-Let's ask the teacher what she thinks.

-Yeaurgh!

-Will the dog like it?

-Might do.

Brilliant. Jamie, I think we've got the dog food!

FARTZ PANTS

FARTZ WHINES

FARTZ GROWLS

Arrrggghhh!

Oh! Ah! Oh! Ah!

Lenny!

Argh!

-No harm done!

-To you maybe.

FARTZ BELCHES

By Jove, I think he liked it!

I really think he liked it!

-I mean...

-Great! So now we can talk about the ceremony?

It's in less than an hour and Mr Trubble's invited

-anyone who's anyone.

-The Mayor, the MP.

-The Chief of Police.

-The Chief of Police?!

-Yes. So just say a few words, and then we'll do

-the unveiling of the plaque and...

-Oh, sorry, Jamie, I...I can't.

No, I can't... I've invited my cousin...

-The Queen, is coming to the ceremony.

-What?!

-What?!

-What?!

No, er, what his Majesty meant to say was...

I can't believe the Queen's going to be here!

No, no, no! She can't come!

But he just invited her.

Yes. But the...er, Queen...um... poses a very serious security risk!

-So?

-You'll never be able to provide the necessary security!

Oh, really? We'll see about that!

Oh, really?

We'll see about that!

Right, Lenny. We've talked the talk, now it's time to walk the walk.

-Walk the what?

-The walk!

It's a saying.

-Oh. Like "every cloud has a silver lining".

-Yes.

-Or "Bob's your uncle".

-Yes.

-Which is not true, because Bob's MY uncle.

-Lenny!

-Sorry.

We should do some training to prove we can protect the Queen.

So we'd better find someone posh and important to practise on.

Mrs Poshington! Perfect.

Sally! What's happened?

I have completed my training, young man.

Where's the Prince? He disappeared on me earlier.

Never mind! You have to help us!

Oh, do I now, and what if one doesn't want to?

One has no choice!

Urrrggghhh!

Right, we're here on the streets.

Let's practice protecting posh people. Let's go.

Coming through, stand back, please.

We've got two posh people coming through.

Excuse me, can we stop you for one second.

Just making sure - we need to clear the area.

They're not posh enough.

Your best posh accent.

-Just say, "The rain in Spain."

-Say, "Ooh, la di da."

-The rain in Spain...

-The rain in Spain...

-Brilliant.

-Ooh, la di da!

-Shhhh!

-I was being posh!

-That's not posh.

-Its Welsh!

-Posh people say, "Ooh la di da!"

I just want to check to see if this coffee is posh enough.

-Can I check your coffee, please?

-Is it posh enough?

-No.

-Get rid of it.

Jamie, sorry, no offence, but she's not posh, is she?

She is posh, she's got a hat!

That's not a posh hat! This is a posh hat.

We should escort her for a while.

-Good idea.

-Posh person, it's her birthday!

Excuse me, she's posh and it's her birthday.

Well done, Lenny, that was good.

You're supposed to protect posh people, like me, I'm posh.

-She's not posh!

-Posh person coming through.

A nice little moving barrier.

Yep, having fun? Me too.

-STOP!

-We just want to check you are having a nice protected day.

-Do you feel safe?

-Up till that, yes!

-STOP!

-Ahhhh!

We're just trying to protect people.

-The posh protectors.

-Yeah! We're the men.

-We're the men.

-The men in navy blue.

# Here come the men in navy blue! #

Doesn't really have the same ring to it.

Wally! The coast is clear, let's make a run for it.

General, we must warm the tea pot. Cousin Lizzy will be here soon!

Oh, hello. You must be here for the Centenary Celebrations.

Do I know you? You both look vaguely familiar.

Mrs Poshington.

Mr, um...Prance

-and this is...Willy.

-Wally.

Willy Wally? What an unusual name!

-You should meet my sister!

-Why? What's she called?

-Shilly Shally.

-We're back!

-And we're ready to protect and serve!

-Oh, goody.

You've met our oldest resident Mrs Poshington's been here since...

-The hotel was built?

-No.

-Before then?

No! She's been here since the...

-Dawn of time?

-Mr Prance, there is no need to be rude.

-That's not Mr Prance!

-No, then who pray tell is it?

-Dance!

No! Mr Dance.

He's here with Prince Wally. To unveil the Centenary Plaque.

Wally Watford and Mickey Dance are unscrupulous conmen who will stop

at nothing to get their hands on your money!

Just a minute!

It's them! Off the telly!

They're impostors, rogues, vagabonds, the lowest of the low!

How dare you!

I am a prince of the realm.

I'll have you know that my cousin is the Queen.

Oh, no, she's not!

How can you know that?

Because the Queen is my cousin!

Leg it!

Stop them, General!

I think it's going really well!

We're bound to get our £1,000 bonus now!

Yeah. Great.

Are you still sore about Wally not being a prince?

You know what, you shouldn't be.

You'll always be a princess in some people's eyes. Not mine, obviously!

Ooh, it's starting! Wasn't it nice of Mrs Poshington

to ask her cousin 'Lizzy' to unveil the plaque?

Lenny! Take a photo.

But don't use that cam...

Lenny, oh Lenny, what have you done!

How could you?

PHONE RINGS

Hello, Hotel Trubble!

# Hotel Trubble for ever

# It's the pits and we know we're stuck but we love it

# Hotel Trubble for ever... #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

E-mail [email protected]