Catz N Doggz Hotel Trubble


Catz N Doggz

Children's sitcom. Rapper Z-Dogg comes to stay at the hotel and the staff are star-struck. Jamie insists they should treat him like any other guest, until he meets him.


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Transcript


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Welcome to Hotel Trubble.

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Meet Sally, our reception.

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People, trying to have a conversation here?

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And this is Lenny.

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He's a man of many talents.

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This is Dolly. She's Mr Trubble's fiancee.

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And this is Mrs Poshington.

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The new cleaner. Which just leaves me. Jamie.

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I'm the bellboy.

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# Hotel Trubble forever

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# It's the pits and we know

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# We're stuck but we love it

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# Hotel Trubble forever

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# We're a team staying calm

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# Arm in arm

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# So the hotel survives

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# Trubble, Trubble

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# Keep the hotel alive! #

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-Lenny, have you fixed the Hoover yet?

-There's still no suction.

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Listen, you need to make this place extra tidy today.

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We've got a special guest coming.

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D-Dog, the rapper.

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Oh, boy, I'm so excited, I'm so excited!

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Me too, I'm so excited, I feel like I've got ants in my pants.

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Oh, so that's where I left them.

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Earthquake! She's going to blow!

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Guys, please, D-Dog is not a special guest.

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So don't get star-struck and neglect the other residents.

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We need to treat all of our guests with good manners...

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PHONE RINGS

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..respect and, most importantly, friendliness.

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So... I'm talking here!

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Make sure you don't get carried away.

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Besides, D-Dog's the lucky one.

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He gets the stay at this wonderful hotel.

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I'm sure he's just as excited as you two are.

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No!

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I told you, anywhere but Hotel Trubble.

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What the heck do I pay you for?

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-I am sorry.

-Stop saying sorry.

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OK, I will.

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Sorry. It's just all the other hotels refused to let you stay.

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-They say you're too much of a troublemaker.

-I just get so bored.

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I know, but this is the only hotel left that you haven't upset.

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Please, I do beseech you, say you'll behave.

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Oh, I'll be-have. I'll 'be' very 'have' indeed.

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Do you think we can get out of this traffic jam?

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Look, all I'm saying is don't go gaga for D-Dog.

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Be professional, yeah? Like me.

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Like you? The only reason you have it in for cool people is because

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-you've always wanted to be one.

-I have not.

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Always been the same, Jamie.

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Like when the cool kids were around at school.

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-All right, mate?

-Hey, boys.

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OK, maybe once.

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Or, like it at bellboy college.

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Hi, guys.

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Just looking at the Hall of Fame.

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OK, twice, then.

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-Or...

-All right! Get back to work.

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You can waste your time drooling all over this D-Dog character

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but I will be attending to our other guests

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and providing the level of service to which they've become accustomed.

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Because I will stop at nothing

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to maintain the comfort and well-being of all our guests.

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Are you OK?

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Sorry about that. He's an idiot.

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SHE SCREAMS

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-He's here. D-Dog.

-Word.

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Such a pleasure to meet you.

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-Can I just say...?

-Whatever.

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D-Dog, I'm Lenny.

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Please will you sign my CD?

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This is the last hotel that will have us, remember?

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You. Take my bags.

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What's the magic word?

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-PHONE RINGS

-Abracadabra.

-No. Say please.

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-Are you joking?

-Not at all.

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I'm sure you're a very talented man.

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But we are Hotel Trubble. And we're not the sort of establishment

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that puts up with diva behaviour.

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Jamie, it's D-Dog's fan club.

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They've heard D-Dog's staying here.

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And they want to book 20 rooms!

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Can we fit them in?

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Let me take your bags.

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-Don't I need to say please?

-Oh, really, that's not necessary.

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And may I just say what a pleasure it is

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to welcome such an accomplished musician to the hotel.

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Oh, a musician, eh?

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I was once a bit of a singer in my younger days.

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'Don't say "were you really?"'

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-'Don't say "were you really?"'

-Were you really?

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Well, seeing as you're interested,

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listen to this.

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# Can't live If living is without you

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# Can't live

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# Can't give any more

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# Can't live... # All together!

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if living is without you!

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# I can't give

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# I can't live any more! #

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Sorry? Reservation?

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Yes, what's your name?

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PHONE RINGS

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Hello, Hotel Trubble. Yep, 1pm's fine. Bye.

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Oh, this is brilliant. We've never been busier.

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Yeah, we know.

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I think it's best if I look after D-Dog, yeah?

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It's not like he's a normal guest, is it?

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-Yeah, but you said...

-What did I say, Lenny?

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-Oh, I can't remember.

-Sally, you can look after

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the first and second floor. Lenny, you take care of the third.

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Hang on, there isn't a third floor.

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Precisely. Anyway, you've still not fixed the Hoover.

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I'm still trying.

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It just needs a bit more power.

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Er...

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-What's that?

-What, this? It's my cap.

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-I always wear it.

-No, you don't.

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Why are you wearing it backwards?

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This is how I wear it, yeah? The cool way.

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I have never seen you wearing it before.

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You sure you're not just trying to copy D-Dog?

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-Me? Copying? I don't know the meaning of the...

-Word.

-Word.

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Oh, a cat.

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When you've got the Dog staying in your hotel, that's not cool.

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-I agree.

-What?

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Dogs are much cooler than cats.

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-Always said that.

-Eh? Since when?

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You sound like my kind of bro.

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Kick it!

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Everything all right with the hotel, sir?

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These cushions. They're made of goose feathers.

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-Why, what did you want?

-Duck down.

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Anything you say, Mr Dog.

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No. I mean, I want you to get down.

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Get down?

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Of course. Why didn't you say so before?

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Get down it is.

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Is this guy for real? He's hilarious.

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This is all the entertainment I need. You know...

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we should hang out.

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Wow, sure.

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What are you up to? I hope aren't going to be mean to him.

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This guy does whatever I say. It's the best amusement I can think of.

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Just as long as you don't take the mickey, sir... Sorry.

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-Excuse me...

-Get out.

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-Nice jeans.

-Thanks.

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I like the way you wear them down around your bum. It's cool.

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I do the same. See?

0:08:040:08:07

You know, really cool people wear them even lower than that.

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But, then, you probably know that already.

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I mean, yeah. Yeah, I do.

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How low?

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Jamie, just pull your pants up.

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27 hours and 4 minutes to go.

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No rush. I kind of like it here.

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Oh, I thought you were bored.

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This place is different. I've got my man Jamie to keep me company.

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Jamie!

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Yeah?

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Isn't that right, J?

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-Certainly is, Dog.

-You know,

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I've been thinking.

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-Some of the guests of this hotel are seriously uncool.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

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I mean, does a cool dude like you really want them staying here?

0:09:080:09:13

Good point. 'Scuse me, bruv.

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Yes, I'd like to check in.

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Would you like to follow me, please, brother.

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OK, out we go.

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SMASH

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And see you later.

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Bye.

0:09:280:09:29

Jamie, what's going on? Why are you acting differently?

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I'm just trying to make our special guest feel welcome.

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D-Dog's not a special guest, remember?

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Just because he's "cool"

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doesn't mean he's more important than any of our other guests.

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We need to treat them all with good manners, respect,

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and, most importantly, friendliness.

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PHONE RINGS

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I'm talking, here!

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You're just trying to act cool.

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You're just jealous because I'm to cool for school and I rule,

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-you fool.

-Did you just call me a fool?

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My man. What are you?

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I'm the leader.

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You got it. Keep the L up, man.

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Yes, bro. See?

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Doesn't mean leader, Jamie, it means loser. He's making fun out of you.

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-Westlife.

-It's "Westside".

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Jokes.

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Mr Dog, shouldn't you be getting to bed? It's the concert tomorrow.

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When I'm having this much fun? Jamie!

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Just watch this.

0:10:360:10:37

Jay-mie!

0:10:410:10:42

Why don't you show us how good you are at break dancing?

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-Sure.

-Yeah.

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# Rhythm is a dancer It's a source of passion

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# You can feel it everywhere... #

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-Don't hurt yourself now.

-RIP

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He's such an idiot.

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Don't choke yourself, now. Oh, man!

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Oh, we need to find a way to show Jamie that he's being laughed at.

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We need to prove it to him.

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And I know just what to do.

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I've seen it in the movies. Come on.

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And, what's the plan?

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We simply wait here until D-Dog says something rude about Jamie.

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And when he does, we secretly record it using this tape recorder.

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But it has to be completely secret,

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otherwise D-Dog will never give himself away.

0:11:320:11:34

-Right. Well, shouldn't we be on the other side of the door, then?

-What?

0:11:350:11:41

Oh, yeah.

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MISSION IMPOSSIBLE THEME

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What are we doing here again?

0:11:540:11:57

This is my fool-proof plan.

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We're in the hotel ventilation system.

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Directly above D-Dog's room.

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Right.

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All we do is use a hammer.

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And a nail. And we make a little hole right here.

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And we film whatever goes on with this camera.

0:12:170:12:19

Wait a minute, are you sure this is safe?

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Oh, for goodness' sake, Lenny!

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We're only going to make a tiny, tiny hole. Watch.

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See?

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CREAKING

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BOTH: Argh!

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Ow.

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Oh, man. I'm looking phat.

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-A bit thick around the middle.

-What?

0:12:500:12:52

We all put on a bit of weight sometimes.

0:12:520:12:55

No, not fat.

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Phat.

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P-H-A-T. It means good.

0:12:580:13:01

I'm looking good.

0:13:010:13:03

Man, you're rude.

0:13:030:13:05

-Sorry.

-No. Rude as in good.

0:13:050:13:08

Don't you know anything?

0:13:080:13:10

Rude, phat, bad, sick, dope.

0:13:100:13:12

-It means good.

-I see.

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So, in the world of rap music, bad words are good.

0:13:150:13:19

Rude, phat, bad.

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-They mean cool.

-Yeah.

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Ah, that is cool. No, no, no, no.

0:13:230:13:26

I mean, that is rubbish.

0:13:260:13:28

You still got that stupid cat?

0:13:300:13:32

-Dogs rule, man.

-Woman.

-What?

0:13:320:13:35

I'm not a man, I'm a woman.

0:13:350:13:37

-You need glasses.

-Whatever.

0:13:370:13:40

Just get rid of that stupid thing.

0:13:400:13:43

Grrrr!

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-Arrr!

-Woof!

-ARRR!

-Rarr!

0:13:440:13:47

That's better, man.

0:13:470:13:48

-D-Dog. D-Dog, they're here.

-Who?

0:13:480:13:51

TV crew. Got an interview with MTVV.

0:13:510:13:55

Oh my giddie yarn. That is so cool.

0:13:550:13:58

You're going to be speaking to them live from Hotel Trubble.

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Yes. So, if you could leave us now, that would be...

0:14:010:14:04

You know,

0:14:040:14:07

why don't you do it with me?

0:14:070:14:09

You can get great publicity for the hotel and we can also show the world

0:14:090:14:12

what great bros we really are.

0:14:120:14:14

What do you say?

0:14:140:14:16

Ohhh!

0:14:160:14:19

Oh, man, this guy is too funny.

0:14:190:14:22

Hey, people. We are here with

0:14:220:14:24

superstar rap artist, D-Dog, here at his hotel. How's it hanging, Dog?

0:14:240:14:29

I'm cool, Gemma, how are you?

0:14:290:14:30

-Yeah, I'm good, thanks.

-Yo, let me introduce you to my man, Jamie.

0:14:300:14:34

-Hey, hey, hey.

-He's the bellboy of the hotel.

0:14:340:14:36

And he is phat.

0:14:360:14:38

Yeah. Yeah, I am.

0:14:400:14:43

So, tell everybody, what's the hotel like?

0:14:430:14:45

Oh, man, the hotel is rubbish.

0:14:450:14:49

-Really?

-Yep.

0:14:490:14:51

What's the staff like, yo?

0:14:510:14:53

Oh, Gem-cakes, the staff are useless.

0:14:530:14:57

Yo, what's the food like, yo?

0:14:570:14:59

The food will make you sick.

0:14:590:15:02

OK. We'll be right back.

0:15:020:15:05

Yo. I'll catch you later, man.

0:15:070:15:09

This has to be the greatest day of my...

0:15:140:15:18

Jamie, watch out!

0:15:180:15:21

-What you doing?

-Trying to kick you.

0:15:210:15:24

Just because I'm in D-Dog's crew

0:15:240:15:27

and you two aren't, there's no need to resort to violence, yeah?

0:15:270:15:30

I'm just doing what the sign says.

0:15:300:15:32

What sign?

0:15:320:15:34

Kick it!

0:15:370:15:38

That guy is so funny. He does whatever I tell him.

0:15:380:15:43

He's stupid.

0:15:430:15:46

It's OK, I think stupid means really good.

0:15:460:15:49

He's got no idea what's cool and what isn't.

0:15:490:15:51

He doesn't know what he's saying.

0:15:510:15:53

He thinks all bad words are good. I haven't laughed this much in years.

0:15:530:15:57

D-DOG LAUGHS

0:15:570:15:59

Rub my back! Rub my back!

0:16:090:16:11

Guys, I'm really sorry.

0:16:140:16:16

You were right all along. He was just laughing at me.

0:16:160:16:20

-I feel such a fool.

-Really?

0:16:200:16:23

You don't...look like one.

0:16:230:16:26

Hey, it's OK, we all make mistakes.

0:16:260:16:29

I once got my hairspray muddled up with grizzly bear love potion.

0:16:290:16:33

# She's the one... #

0:16:330:16:34

Smelly, fishy, pooey, dirty river water by John Paul Goatey-breath.

0:16:340:16:42

Bear your soul.

0:16:420:16:44

Yeah, and I once stored six tons of dynamite in the dining room.

0:16:440:16:47

Oh, no, wait, that was this morning.

0:16:470:16:51

-Sorry.

-I can't believe I've been made such a fool of.

0:16:530:16:59

D-DOG LAUGHING

0:16:590:17:02

It's time to give D-Dog a piece of my mind.

0:17:090:17:14

-Yeah!

-Go on, Jamie!

0:17:170:17:19

21 hours to go then we can do this concert and I can go home.

0:17:190:17:24

Oi!

0:17:260:17:28

I mean, hi.

0:17:280:17:29

I was wondering if it would be all right if you stopped laughing at me?

0:17:310:17:36

Or just cut down a bit.

0:17:360:17:39

Or not.

0:17:390:17:40

Up to you. Thanks.

0:17:400:17:46

What I mean it is...

0:17:460:17:48

I think you've been a bit mean. I wanted you to know.

0:17:480:17:51

And, actually, you owe me an apology, buster!

0:17:530:17:59

You might think you're the big cheese, but this is our hotel, yeah?

0:17:590:18:04

And what we say goes.

0:18:040:18:08

So you'd better buck up your ideas, buddy boy, or you'll be

0:18:080:18:11

kicked out of this place faster than you can say "word", got it?

0:18:110:18:15

Whoa!

0:18:150:18:16

What did you say?

0:18:160:18:17

He said you are the big cheese...

0:18:170:18:19

I heard what he said.

0:18:190:18:21

MUSIC: "In Da Club" by 50 Cent

0:18:210:18:22

-You can kick us out if you want.

-What?

0:18:220:18:24

But if you were real, man, you want to sort this out, man to man.

0:18:240:18:28

I'll battle you, tomorrow night, in the lobby.

0:18:280:18:31

-But the concert!

-Let everyone come here instead.

0:18:310:18:34

I want everyone to see this.

0:18:340:18:36

You got it.

0:18:360:18:39

Just don't make me angry,

0:18:390:18:41

cos you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

0:18:410:18:43

-I don't like you anyway.

-Fair point.

0:18:430:18:45

Until tomorrow, then.

0:18:450:18:47

Just don't start crying if I hit you too hard, though, yeah?

0:18:470:18:50

Ow.

0:18:530:18:54

This was a bad idea, wasn't it?

0:19:050:19:07

He's much bigger than me. He'll eat me for breakfast.

0:19:070:19:10

No, he won't. Not at that time.

0:19:100:19:12

If anything, he'll eat you for dinner.

0:19:120:19:14

Not helping, Lenny.

0:19:140:19:15

I need to get in training, you know.

0:19:150:19:17

Build some muscle. Oh, what am I going to do?

0:19:170:19:20

You're forgetting that I'm a professional boxing trainer

0:19:200:19:23

and I've trained no less than...

0:19:230:19:26

..ten world champions.

0:19:270:19:29

Oh, you're thinking of a dream again, aren't you, Lenny?

0:19:290:19:33

Am I?

0:19:330:19:34

Oh.

0:19:340:19:36

So, does that mean I didn't invent a banana that can walk?

0:19:360:19:39

Oh, well. We'd better start training.

0:19:390:19:42

-Feel the burn.

-Ow, ow.

0:19:500:19:53

-I'm not ready for it!

-Come on!

0:19:550:19:57

Let's do it, come on.

0:20:000:20:01

Go on. Yes.

0:20:060:20:09

Come on.

0:20:100:20:12

Come on! Yes!

0:20:130:20:15

Nice Work, Jamie.

0:20:150:20:18

I am so proud.

0:20:290:20:31

VACUUM CLEANER SUCKS

0:20:370:20:41

Meow.

0:20:420:20:44

Sirius?

0:21:000:21:01

Sirius?

0:21:050:21:07

Sirius, where are you? Sirius.

0:21:070:21:11

Why are you wearing that?

0:21:110:21:13

My Sirius is gone. This isn't like him. He must be dead.

0:21:130:21:19

Don't be so hysterical.

0:21:190:21:21

He'll be around somewhere.

0:21:210:21:23

I'm sure we can find him.

0:21:230:21:24

Good luck.

0:21:240:21:26

I'm sure WE can find him.

0:21:280:21:30

-That means all of us.

-Oh.

0:21:300:21:34

Sirius, where are you? Sirius?

0:21:340:21:37

# Can I kick it? Yes, you can. Can I kick it? Yes, you can... #

0:21:370:21:43

-You look ridiculous, man.

-Oh, thanks. I mean, hey!

0:21:460:21:49

How you going to hold a microphone with gloves on?

0:21:490:21:52

What are you talking about? we're having a fight.

0:21:520:21:55

No. We're having a battle.

0:21:550:21:57

-What's the difference?

-He means a rap battle.

0:21:570:22:00

It's a contest in which two people take it in turns to rap

0:22:000:22:04

-and then the crowd decide who wins.

-Oh.

0:22:040:22:08

Oh.

0:22:080:22:10

Just one minute, please.

0:22:100:22:12

Lenny, how long have you known this?

0:22:120:22:15

-Ages.

-And you didn't think it was weird that I spent all of yesterday

0:22:150:22:18

bulking up my muscles for a fight?

0:22:180:22:20

Yeah, I did a bit.

0:22:200:22:22

But, you can win this, easily.

0:22:220:22:25

Lenny, this man is a professional rapper.

0:22:250:22:28

I can't wrap a Christmas present.

0:22:280:22:29

Oh, come on, how hard can it be?

0:22:290:22:31

-Here, kitty, kitty.

-It's no good.

0:22:350:22:40

There's no sign of him.

0:22:400:22:42

Look on the bright side.

0:22:420:22:43

If he has passed away, his fur would make a lovely shrug.

0:22:430:22:47

You could probably turn him into a whole fur coat,

0:22:470:22:50

-the amount you used to feed him.

-Dolly!

0:22:500:22:53

I'm only teasing.

0:22:530:22:55

Mrs P, did Sirius carry an organ donor card, by the way,

0:22:550:22:59

because the road outside could do with a new pair of cat's eyes.

0:22:590:23:03

No one talks about my Sirius like that.

0:23:030:23:06

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

0:23:060:23:09

# Kick it! #

0:23:090:23:11

Dolly, are you OK?

0:23:130:23:15

This is D-Dog's room.

0:23:170:23:18

-Oh...

-My...

0:23:180:23:20

-Goodness.

-WHINING

0:23:200:23:22

OK. Here are the rules.

0:23:230:23:26

Both sides have 30 seconds to rap at the other.

0:23:260:23:29

-I presume you've brought your own music.

-Yep.

0:23:290:23:31

-Nope.

-Great.

0:23:310:23:33

Let's begin. D-Dog first.

0:23:330:23:36

Yo. Check it. Yo, yo, yo

0:23:380:23:40

I wanna tell you 'bout a dude who's a total fool.

0:23:400:23:43

He's just a lonely bellboy who thinks he's cool

0:23:430:23:45

He dresses like me and copies how I talk

0:23:450:23:48

He's not a D-Dog He's more like D-dork

0:23:480:23:50

I'd love to stay in here in Hotel Trubble

0:23:500:23:53

You make me laugh so much, I even pay you double

0:23:530:23:54

He thinks he's someone I want in my crew

0:23:540:23:57

But I've got loads of friends and none of them are you. Word.

0:23:570:24:00

CHEERING

0:24:000:24:02

OK, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome James.

0:24:020:24:06

Right, just remember, nothing rhymes with the words orange, or purple.

0:24:060:24:10

-So just make sure you don't use them.

-Got it.

0:24:100:24:13

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

0:24:210:24:23

Drop the beat. Drop the beat, drop the beat, drop the beat

0:24:230:24:26

My name is Jamie and I love orange...

0:24:260:24:28

I love this hotel but I don't like...

0:24:300:24:33

Blorange.

0:24:330:24:35

I mustn't say purple because nothing rhymes with purple

0:24:390:24:42

Except...the gurple

0:24:420:24:44

Yeah.

0:24:440:24:46

-Boo!

-Boo!

-Boo!

0:24:460:24:47

Yo. His name is D-Dog but he's actually not a dog, so there.

0:24:510:24:59

Yeah.

0:25:000:25:02

You can quit if you want.

0:25:030:25:05

I know how much you hate to embarrass yourself.

0:25:050:25:07

Feel free just to say, "I quit".

0:25:070:25:10

-I...

-There he is.

-Huh?

0:25:130:25:17

You can take the mickey out of me and Lenny,

0:25:180:25:21

and you can laugh at the hotel, but you've taken it too far this time.

0:25:210:25:24

-I don't know what you mean.

-We've been in your room, buster,

0:25:240:25:28

and look what we found.

0:25:280:25:30

What have you done to my cat?

0:25:300:25:33

You've blinged him.

0:25:330:25:35

So, I didn't hoover him up!

0:25:350:25:36

You stole him!

0:25:360:25:38

What can I say? Dogs rule around here, yo.

0:25:380:25:40

Oh, really, well, we'll see about that, won't we?

0:25:400:25:44

Right, OK, gang, hit me with some beats.

0:25:440:25:47

You looked down on me Cos you think I'm a cleaner

0:25:490:25:52

But when it comes to battle No-one is meaner

0:25:520:25:54

This guy thinks he's tough But under his bed, what did I find?

0:25:540:25:59

A cuddly ted.

0:25:590:26:00

So don't be impressed with his so-called talents

0:26:000:26:04

He's not called D-Dog His real name is Clarence.

0:26:040:26:09

The Mrs P massive's in the house

0:26:090:26:11

So join with me if you want him out

0:26:110:26:14

When I say hot, you say pan

0:26:140:26:17

When I say spick, you say span. Hot.

0:26:170:26:20

-Pan.

-Spick.

-Span.

0:26:200:26:21

-Hot.

-Pan.

-Spick.

0:26:210:26:23

-Span.

-H to the O to the T-E-L

0:26:230:26:26

Trubble's our name And we're gonna give him hell

0:26:260:26:29

So guys, make noise If you want him to stay

0:26:290:26:33

There's your answer. Now, go away

0:26:350:26:38

Word.

0:26:380:26:39

CHEERING

0:26:390:26:41

Where did you learn all that?

0:26:540:26:56

I spent a couple of years running

0:26:560:26:59

with some of the East Coast rappers in the US of A.

0:26:590:27:03

-Back in the day.

-Who? Which ones?

0:27:030:27:06

No, one must never name-drop.

0:27:060:27:10

Simon Cowell once taught me that.

0:27:100:27:13

Here, I reckon we could make this a regular thing.

0:27:130:27:17

I'm a bit of a whizz on the mic, well,

0:27:170:27:19

I am more of a singer. As I say...

0:27:190:27:21

One, two. One, two.

0:27:230:27:26

# I can't live If living is without you

0:27:260:27:33

# I can't live I can't give any more... #

0:27:330:27:42

# Hotel Trubble forever

0:27:420:27:45

# It's the pits and we know

0:27:450:27:47

# We're stuck but we love it

0:27:470:27:50

# Hotel Trubble forever

0:27:500:27:52

# We're a team staying calm

0:27:520:27:54

# Arm in arm

0:27:540:27:55

# So the hotel survives

0:27:550:27:57

# Trubble, Trubble

0:27:570:27:58

# Keep the hotel alive! #

0:27:580:28:00

E-mail [email protected]

0:28:000:28:02

Children's sitcom set in a hotel. Rap star Z-Dogg is coming to stay at Hotel Trubble, and all the staff are star-struck. Jamie insists they should treat him like any other guest; that is, until he meets him.


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