When Hally Met Sally Hotel Trubble

'Welcome to Hotel Trubble. Meet Sally, our receptionist.'

People! Trying to have a conversation here.

'And this is Lenny.

'He's a man of many talents.

'This is Dolly, she's Mr Trubble's...ahem...fiance.

'And this is Mrs Poshington, the new cleaner.'

Which just leaves me, Jamie.

I'm the bellboy.

# Hotel Trubble forever

# It's the pits and we know we're stuck but we love it

# Hotel Trubble forever

# We're a team staying calm arm in arm

# So the hotel survives Trubble, Trubble!

# Keep the hotel alive. #

Er, Mrs Poshington,

why are you throwing away our towels?

Too much washing.

The guests could use the hairdryers to dry themselves with instead.

Yes, but water and electricity don't really mix, do they?

Nonsense.

CRACKLING, SCREAMING FROM ABOVE

Oh, is that the time?

-What's all this?

-For the vips.

Not the vips, Lenny, VIPs. Very Important Persons.

Every hotel should have a luxury VIP service, Jamie, don't you know?

What have ropes and rugs got to do with luxury?

That's what VIPs expect.

Cheryl Cole won't want to stay in just any hotel, will she?

No. She wants to stay in a hotel

where there's a fancy red carpet to walk on.

Why is Lenny wearing rollerblades?

Oh, so we can provide the guests our express service.

-That was my idea.

-Yeah. One dong on the gong

and Lenny will be there in a heartbeat.

-Yeah...ooof!

-That's the plan at least.

One dong on what gong?

This one.

VERY LOUD BONG

Now, everybody ready?

-Ready for what?

-I've arranged for a journalist from Swish magazine

to come and review the hotel.

Hang on a minute. Is that why you're making all these changes?

If you were any sharper, you'd cut yourself.

Of course that's why I'm making all these changes.

Now, you lot had better smarten up and make this hotel look swish,

-they're going to be here very soon.

-How soon?

-Oh, two or three...

-Days?

-Hours.

-No way!

You can't just spring that on us, Dolly. We need time to prepare.

Ooh! Did I mention that one favourable review in Swish magazine

is equal to a 100% rise in business,

which means a significant pay rise for all of you?

PHONE RINGS

Hello, Hotel King Jamie?

Hello!

Like I said, let's get cracking, boys and girls!

Yeah! Ooof!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Somebody's made an effort.

It's for the journalist.

I hope it's a gorgeous guy,

then I can win him over with my feminine charm.

Yeah? I hope it's a gorgeous woman

cos then I can win her over with my feminine charms.

-They're here.

-I'll get it!

-I'll get it!

-No, I'll get it. I'll get it, I'll get it!

Sally!

Hally?!

BARKING

That's Tiddles.

-Say hello, Tiddles.

-Hello, Tiddles!

-Hello, Tiddles.

Sally, what are you doing?

It's Hally Hornfurter, my ex-best friend from school.

If we ignore her, maybe she'll go away.

Drat!

Get out of the way!

You must be the journalist from Swish magazine,

here to review the hotel.

-If I say yes, do I get a free bed and breakfast?

-Of course.

Well, then, yes, I am the journalist from Swish magazine,

here to review the hotel.

Noooo!

Have we got anything to wake her up with?

-A sledge hammer.

-No! I meant something like smelling salts.

Oh, smelly socks. There we go.

Oh, no. I said... Oh, never mind.

That water should do the trick. Give it to Sally.

SHE SQUEALS

I meant give it to her to drink!

Sally, why have you got such a problem with Hally?

She's a bully and she's selfish and spoilt and always wants her own way.

-That sounds like someone not too far away from me.

-Lenny's not that bad.

I'm telling you, Jamie, she's trouble.

-That girl took away from me the only thing I ever loved.

-Gossip magazine?

No! Bertie, the butterfly hairclip my first boyfriend gave me.

Wait, all this is over a hairclip?

I'm sentimental.

She isn't, she can't even remember my name! It's Brian, not Bertie.

Look, Sally, if she gives us a good review,

that means a really big pay rise.

Can't you just put your differences aside for one day?

No. That girl is rotten to the core, Jamie.

Maybe she's changed.

And maybe I'm Beyonce's choreographer.

Are you really? I know all the moves to Single Ladies.

# If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it

# If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it

# Don't be mad once you see that he want it... #

-Hello. Sorry about the delay. Welcome to Hotel Trubble.

-Thank you.

Well, we haven't been introduced properly yet, have we?

I'm Hally, and you must be the owner of the hotel?

Oh, no. No, I'm Jamie, the bell...

the executive bellboy.

Ah, yes. Yes, I knew there was something special about you.

It's the way you hold yourself, yes?

Masterful.

Please.

So, did Sally tell you we used to be bestest friends?

Well, that's not quite how she put it.

Yeah.

We did have a teeny-weeny falling out.

Sorry...

I, um...

You know, I just...I just wish there was a way I could make it up to her.

Well, I, er... I might have a suggestion.

Sally, be reasonable.

Fate has brought us together.

Well, fate can bog off.

We were so close.

-You were the guest of honour at my 10th birthday party.

-I remember.

MUSIC: "Bugaboo" by Destiny's Child

MUSIC STOPS

I win!

SALLY WAILS

Let me make it up to you.

It's my birthday today, you could be guest of honour at that.

-MOCKING:

-No, thanks!

Look, what if I showed you just how much I've changed?

And how are you going to do that?

I should never have taken Bertie.

Yeah, you're right, you shouldn't have.

But I'm Brian! Brian! Brian!

-Truce?

-Truce.

Oh, darling, don't touch there, you know the rules.

# So no-one told you life was gonna be this way... #

Whoo-oo!

So...when will the review be in Swish magazine?

-SHE GIGGLES

-Steady on, it's not finished yet.

But I thought you loved your room

and the VIP service, the express service...

Yes, I do, Dolly, but you know, to get a really good review,

there are a few extras one expects I'm not sure Hotel Trubble has.

-Like what?

-Um... A pooch pamper parlour for a start.

Do you have one of those?

Yes! It's on the, er... the third floor.

Really? Maybe you wouldn't mind giving Tiddles the once over.

GROWLING

Oh, he only bites if you make sudden movements

or breathe too heavily, and he won't draw blood, if you're lucky.

-GROWLING AND BARKING

-It's all part of the service.

So, um...what have you written in your review so far?

This and that, you know, mostly about a certain member of staff.

A very handsome and talented young man

who deserves a big fat promotion.

Here here. I always said Lenny deserved a leg up.

Yes, thank you, Mrs Poshington. Cheers.

Well, I'd better get off, got lots of executive bellboy things to do

so, um...

I'm going to go.

Oh...

Jamie, the television's not working. Jamie!

Excuse me, sweetie pie.

Hello, Hotel Trubble?

Could you ask Hally what kind of shampoo she likes to use on Tiddles?

Why don't you ask her yourself?

Because I'm stopping the little angel from escaping from the bath.

I can't possibly hold it like this all day.

Shut it, old woman! I'm trying to watch Eastenders.

Your miserable whining

is interrupting their miserable whining.

I don't have to put up with this, you know!

You put that aerial down,

and I will write the worst review this hotel has ever had.

Then it will close and you will be homeless.

You wouldn't dare!

Just try me.

-Doof, doof, doof, doof-doof-doof...

-SHE LAUGHS

What are you writing?

Nothing. Er...

"Hotel manager?"

Well, could be. You know, if we get a good review in Swish magazine.

But we all need to pull together and take care of our special guest.

In fact,

I'm going to ask Chef if he'll make her one of our special lunches.

Get out, man! SMASHING AND BANGING

You want a little piece of that? You want me to burn you with a sausage?

A saucisson?!

Says it will be ready in a minute.

One lump or two?

Three. I'm not as sweet as I look.

THEY ALL LAUGH

-That's funny.

-What are you doing on those steps, Mrs P?

Oh, she likes it up there, don't you, dear?

You can come back down now and finish your work.

She's a few sandwiches short of a picnic!

Here's little Tiddles, groomed to perfection.

Oh, my precious baby. Did he behave for you?

Yes, only a few bites.

Nothing to worry about, just flesh wounds.

Milk?

-Is it fresh?

-Of course. Only the best for our guests.

Oooh!

Top me up.

-That was quick.

-Yes, I think I'll take it black this time.

Right. There we go.

And your sugar.

-Lenny!

-Oh, you...funny little man. It's not a problem.

# Put some sugar on me

# In the name of love

# Pour some sugar on me

# Come on, fire me up

# Pour your sug... #

Do you mind?

Not in the slightest.

OK?

Mrs Poshington?

Yes, I think you should consider getting a more competent cleaner.

-Any chance of a scone?

-Of course.

Sally, give one to Hally.

My pleasure.

Sorry, Lenny!

-How dare you?!

-Have you gone mad?

Well, I must have, to think that she'd ever change!

Come here!

I'll save you, Hally!

SHOUTING

-Sally.

-Hally.

Oh, I've just got to go and see a man about a frog.

No, I mean dog. No, I do mean frog.

-There's a lovely little green one for sale...

-Go away!

-Go away!

You little rat!

You got crumbs in my beautiful hair. You know the rules.

-You haven't changed one bit, have you?

-No, not really.

But what about Bertie the hairclip?

Jamie told me to give it to you.

And by the way, butterflies are so 2005,

it's all about Delbert the dragonfly. Hmm, yes? Look, look.

Which, quite frankly, are much more, well, me.

His name is David.

Shut it, Billy.

It's Brian! CRASH!

So it was all an act. Why?

I needed a place to stay for free.

-Duh.

-But I thought you were a fancy journalist now?

Oh, get with the programme, please, darling. I made it all up.

I told the real journo not to bother coming.

You scheming little... I knew you were up to something.

Sally? Office.

Pronto.

Right, we need an emergency meeting.

-What makes an emergency meeting different to a normal one?

-This.

-What are you playing at, Sally?

-Have you gone bananas?

-You attacked a guest.

-She deserved it.

Neither of you know what a conniving little madam she is.

I think that might be someone who's not too far away from me.

Jamie's not that bad.

Duty calls.

I'd better go and make up for the damage you've caused.

VERY LOUD BONG

See? Hally's got you running around after her just how she likes it.

Oh! Now I understand.

-You're jealous of her.

-No, I'm not!

You can't stand it because we like her and she likes us.

In fact, you hate it because she thinks we're management material

and we're going places once this review is published.

-SPLUTTERS ANGRILY

-Yeah!

Can't you see she's pulling the wool over your eyes?

Wool? Oh, no, no wool here.

Looks like you're wrong!

Hi, Jamie.

I was wondering, would you give me a tour of the gardens?

It's for the review. It's almost done, give or take a month.

-A month?

-Or two. Well, you have to get these things exactly right,

especially when a certain someone's career depends on it.

-Allow me.

-Thank you.

-Oh, oh, Jamie...

Jamie, with your vision, that area, what you could do with it!

I agree. What are you doing?

-Hang on.

-Staff only, sorry.

Sally, you are being incredibly rude.

Jamie, you are being incredibly stupid.

What are you talking about?

You let Lenny take a tumble just so you could go off with that,

-that monster.

-It's all right, Jamie, it only hurts when I blink.

Ahh! Ow!

Look, Lenny, I'm really sorry. But Hally is not a monster, all right?

She's a kind and generous girl

who only has everyone's best interests at heart.

She doesn't have a heart, Jamie.

Can't you see she's just a spiteful,

-mean-spirited freeloader and she's taking advantage of you?

-Nonsense.

Has anyone seen the scissors?

Hally wants me to trim Tiddles' nails.

And then Hally's nails.

-See?

-Dolly, Sally thinks Hally is taking advantage of us.

Rubbish.

This is all part of the service.

It's how we get good review in Swish magazine, you mark my words.

She doesn't even work for Swish magazine!

-HE LAUGHS

-Nice try.

So she hasn't asked you if she can stay on for a bit then?

-Maybe.

-Ah-ha! She's just using you

to get free bed and breakfast. She tried it on with me first.

Nonsense. She needs more time to write the review.

Well, if she stays, I go.

-She's staying.

-Well, I'm going.

-Go then.

-Well, I will then.

Well, if that's what you really want, I can't stop you, Sally.

Well, I guess that's goodbye then.

DOOF DOOF DOOF DOOF-DOOF!

Turn off that TV, Lenny.

Oh, sorry, Jamie. Ow, ahh!

-SOMBRE PIANO PLAYS

-I never thought it'd come to this.

Hotel Trubble is my life.

Lenny, I'm trying to have a moment here,

would you quit with the piano, OK?

What's going to happen to me now I have to leave?

# All by myself

# Don't want to be

# All by myself

# Any more... #

It can't be.

It is! It's Sally.

Oh, sweetie pie.

Jamie? Jamie!

Oh, you stink!

Ohh! What am I going to do, Lenny?

I don't know.

Did you dong on the gong, for the 20th time in an hour?

I did dong, yes.

You see, Tiddles' tootsies are a wee bit cold

now that he's had his nails trimmed

so I want you to go and pick him up

a widdle pair of pink woolly socks.

Socks, you say?

For a dog. Of course.

All part of the service.

Did you dong?

Dolly's done the dong, yes,

but while you're here...

I'd like to thank you so much for sticking up for me against Sally.

I mean, I really don't know what her problem is these days.

Well, she won't be troubling you any more.

She's decided to leave.

Yes?

It's a very sad situation.

Tragic.

How clever is your mummy, Tiddles?

I managed to bag us a place to stay for free, got Sally fired

and that moron Jamie still thinks I work for Swish magazine.

Yes, I think we could be very comfortable here.

-Don't you, sweetie pie?

-BARKING

-Let me at her.

-Is everything all right in here?

No it's not, Jamie. She's taking you for a ride.

Sally's right, Jamie.

I've seen it with my own eyes.

Well, ears. She's not a real journalist, you know.

Not you as well, Dolly?

Anyone can tell that Hally works with words

from her extensive vocabulary.

Now, if no-one has an official complaint,

can you all please stop this nonsense?

I have an official complaint.

That girl made me hold up the TV aerial for two hours.

Then she nearly drowned me in tea and tossed soggy sugar cubes in my face.

-Is that true, Hally?

-Of course not.

I would never do something like that on purpose.

You see, it's just a misunderstanding.

Now let's all try and get along, shall we?

I am not prepared to get along with Hally.

Either she goes or I go.

Well...

if you insist on going, Mrs Poshington,

you know I can't stop you.

Jamie, you know if Sally and Mrs Poshington go,

-I go.

-And Lenny.

But I haven't even seen her do anything wrong yet.

-Plus I quite like her.

-Lenny!

Oh, OK, I stand firmly by your side.

Jamie, I'm so sorry to see your staff are leaving you,

but I can assure you none of this will go into the review

if you draw a line under it now.

Right. Of course.

I suppose this is it then.

It was really great working with your guys.

-I can't believe this.

-I know, we're missing Eastenders omnibus now.

No. This! We've all lost our jobs

because of that horrible Hally Hornfurter.

So now she's finally got what she wanted, hasn't she?

Yeah, Eastenders all to herself.

No. The hotel. She's practically running the place now.

I wish we could think of a way to show Jamie

just what a fraud she is.

-GASPS

-I've got it!

Oh, can I have it?

DIALS PHONE

Hello, is that Swish magazine?

Hi, Jamie. Oh, why the long face?

I was born with it.

My mum looks like Bruce Forsyth.

I'm Jamie's mum. Would you like a cup of tea?

No, I mean, you're not feeling down, are you?

I suppose I just miss Sally and Lenny and Dolly and...

-Mrs Poshington?

-No, I don't miss her.

-Well, maybe a bit.

-Well, you can always go into the garden.

You don't have to stay here and get promoted.

I think what I meant was, we all have to move on at some point.

It just takes a while getting used to it, you know. That's all.

That's more like it, sweetie pie.

Do you know,

I'm sure you're going to make an incredible hotel manager.

I'm pretty sure you'll get the call

when the review comes out in a year or two.

Hang on a sec,

did you just say a year or two?

Oh, I'm sorry, darling. I meant to say 365 days,

give or take another 365 days.

Well, I can't stand here chit-chatting all day.

It's my birthday and I have plans to make.

I, er... I just hope

a certain dedicated professional has not forgotten my special day.

It will all go in the review, of course.

Of course.

Hello, madam, how can I help?

-Hi, I'm here from Swish magazine, I've come to review the hotel.

-What?

SHE COOS

# Happy birthday to you

# Happy birthday to you

# Happy birthday dear Hally... #

Chocolate and cream cake. Oh, it's my absolute favourite!

# Happy birthday to you. #

Enjoy.

Oh, oh, oh!

My beautiful hair!

You ruined it!

Do you have any idea how long it takes

to get these curls perfect, you idiot?

Why did you do that?

You don't work for Swish magazine

and you've made a complete fool out of me.

I just wanted to see what you were really like, and it ain't pretty.

ALL: Sweetie pie!

Where will I go?

I've got nowhere to stay.

I have an idea.

# All by myself... #

-BARKING

-Oh, shut it, you mangy mutt.

-RIPPING

-Bad dog! No, no!

Well, I think we can safely say we will never ask anyone

to come and review the hotel again.

-LENNY:

-Oh, these wheels have got to go.

I'm...I'm sorry I doubted you, Sally.

Do you forgive me?

Depends.

-On what?

-Do you like Hally Hornfurter more than me?

No, of course not.

She was really annoying, but you, you're only mildly annoying.

-You cheeky little...

-PHONE RINGS

Hello, Hotel Trubble.

# Hotel Trubble forever

# It's the pits and we know we're stuck but we love it

# Hotel Trubble forever

# We're a team staying calm arm in arm

So the hotel survives. Trubble, Trubble!

# Keep the hotel alive. #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd