Strictly Come Prancing Hotel Trubble


Strictly Come Prancing

Children's sitcom. Prime-time show Strictly Come Prancing is coming to Hotel Trubble with star performer Darren Chiseljaw - and Lenny is hiding a secret.


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Transcript


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Welcome to Hotel Trubble.

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Meet Sally, our receptionist.

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People, trying to have a conversation here.

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And this is Lenny.

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He's a man of many talents...

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This is Dolly.

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She's Mr Trubble's...ahem...fiancee.

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And this is Mr Poshington, the new cleaner.

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Which just leaves me, Jamie.

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I'm the bell boy.

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# Hotel Trubble forever

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# It's the pits and we know that we're stuck but we love it

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# Hotel Trubble forever

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# We're a team staying calm on and on

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# So the hotel survives Trubble, Trubble

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# The hotel of life. #

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"The stars' best kept beauty secret for eliminating wrinkles.

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"Do this simple exercise 20 times a day."

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It must be working by now.

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Let me have a look...

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Ah! Mr Poshington!

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Well. If that's a beauty secret, I can see why it's well kept.

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Why are you lurking there?

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I tidied everything away, like you asked.

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Mrs P, when I said everything,

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I meant rubbish and stuff. Not literally everything!

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Well, there were these things lying around.

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So, I put them in the lost property box.

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They were getting in the way of my cleaning.

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Mrs P, hotels are meant to have stuff lying around.

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Like sofas, and carpets, and stuff!

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Well, how am I supposed to know what's lost property and what's not?

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-I mean, that umbrella, for instance.

-Yes, that's lost property.

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And these old glasses. But...

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..these?

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The telephone... and the first aid box?

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Good thing someone who's bothered about the hotel

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didn't see all of this, or they'd probably get angry or something.

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And the TV!

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-ON TV:

-Strictly Come Prancing.

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I would have a go at you, but my programme is starting.

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Hello, Sally. Can you check the lost property box for me?

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I've lost me marbles. Me lucky marbles? Have you seen them?

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They're round and made of glass,

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and about the size of... the size of a marble.

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Lenny... We were watching that dancing programme.

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-I'll give you marbles in a minute!

-Really? A whole minute?

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Shall I close my eyes now? Shall I start counting?

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One elephant, two elephant, three elephant, four elephant...

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five elephant, six elephant, seven elephant...

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58 elephant, 59 elephant, 60 elephant!

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Right, I'll just open my... Oh!

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Oh, Sally, you're so old!

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How long was I counting for?

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Oh, Dolly. Sorry, I thought you were Sally.

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I got confused with the elephants.

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Listen, I was just telling Jamie

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-about my brilliant new idea for the hotel.

-Yeah, well it's an idea.

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Listen, Lenny. It's brilliant!

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You know how the big swanky hotels have spas with sunbeds?

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When you lie on a bed under a big lamp with the power of the sun?

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Right? Well, what we could do, the modern take, is moon beds!

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Beds that you lie on under a big lamp with the power of the moon.

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It's for people that don't want a tan.

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That... That is brilliant.

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It would also be useful for werewolves

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who wanted to change in the middle of the day.

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Yeah, yeah! You see, Jamie, Lenny understands my business brain.

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Sally, you think my spa idea

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is the best idea that anyone has ever had, ever. Don't you?

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I'm watching my TV programme.

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This is Strictly Come Prancing? I love this.

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That is Darren Chiseljaw.

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He's my favourite soap star. Superhunk.

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He's in this soap opera set in the East End,

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about a bunch of East Enders who East Ender about all day.

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That sounds good. What's it called?

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Er...can't remember.

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Darren Chiseljaw.

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My, that's a blast from the past.

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He happens to have been one of my old flames.

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-Wow, you went out with someone from the telly?

-Yeah.

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Get him to come and stay at Hotel Trubble. Celebrities attract guests.

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Oh, no. I don't think Mr Trubble would be happy

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about my handsome ex-boyfriends running about the place.

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No, forget it. Right, now come with me, Lenny.

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I want you to help me with setting up the spa.

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I have a delivery of little cheeses arriving today,

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-so I want you to pick off all the red wax and melt it down.

-Why?

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For the bikini waxing!

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Where else would I get wax from?

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I'm getting fed up with Dolly's ideas.

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She's Mr Trubble's girlfriend,

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so we have to go along with everything she says. And buy cake!

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I mean, if we had celebrities staying here,

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it's not like Mr Trubble would have to know. You know?

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It's not like he's listening in on everything.

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SIREN

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Hello. Hotel Trubble.

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SHOUTING

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No. No, Mr Trubble, we weren't talking about you.

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What's that?

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Your Chinese business associates

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are finally moving the giant pandas out of the ballroom? Yeah.

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Well, it's lucky that zoo just opened next door, isn't it?

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Yes.

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Yes, of course.

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Right, Mr Trubble, sir, yeah. OK.

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Goodbye.

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Did you hear that, Sally?

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-Exciting news.

-My programme!

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Yes, Sally. Look...

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Mr Trubble wants us to think of a creative way

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to use the ballroom, to bring more people to the hotel.

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If I could come up with a great idea,

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Mr Trubble might promote me to hotel manager...

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above Dolly.

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Oh!

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Hmmm, a ballroom... A ballroom...

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I've got it! Ballroom dancing!

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Brilliant!

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All the shiny, sparkly dresses

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and the hunky dancers in skin-tight trousers...

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No!

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I mean, er, surely there's got to be something else

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we can do in the ballroom other than ballroom dancing? Ball...room?

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Ball room. Why don't we use it for putting balls in it?

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Yeah, like footballs.

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Great big meatballs. Oooh, and cannonballs.

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Did someone drop a cannonball on your head?

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That's settled, then. We're going with my dancing idea, yeah?

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And look, I found Dolly's phone book.

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It was here in the lost property box.

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-We could call her ex-boyfriend.

-Darren Chiseljaw?

-Yeah.

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We just need to try and get him to stay at the hotel,

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and then advertise it as a beautiful evening of ballroom dancing,

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with the stars of Strictly Come Prancing. What do you think, Lenny?

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I think it's a terrible idea.

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-Ballroom dancing? The horror, the horror!

-Weirdo.

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Right, Lenny. Dolly mustn't know anything

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about tomorrow's ballroom dancing extravaganza.

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It's important that she thinks we're doing the spa.

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Can you go and help her with some spa things, keep her busy?

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Whatever you say.

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Just let me get out of here before THEY arrive.

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How on earth did you get megastar dance judge Marlene Filament

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to come to this crummy dump?

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Er, I might have told them that VIPs get free use of our spa facilities.

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-What spa?

-The spa that Dolly thinks we're helping her with,

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-even though we're not.

-Jamie...

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I don't believe it. Lenny has flooded the entire kitchen

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and turned it into a cold plunge pool.

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Isn't that brilliant?

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Yeah...

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-Brilliant!

-Brilliant.

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Wow!

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I can't believe that gorgeous Darren Chiseljaw is checking into my hotel.

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We've arrived!

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The supersonic stars of light entertainment,

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here for the brilliant ballroom bonanza.

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Where's the Jacuzzi?

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Hello, treacle. So, this is the Hotel Barney Rubble - Trubble.

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-Cor, you're a right currant bunner.

-You what?

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Stunner. It's Cockney griming clang. Rhyming slang.

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You know, how they talk in the East End? Apple and pears, stairs?

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-No, I don't get it.

-Like this.

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Your mince pies are like slimy bras.

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Your eyes are like shiny stars.

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That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard. Slimy bras!

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You're dreamy...

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Darren, I'd save all that smouldering energy for the rumba.

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Hello, dear. I'm Marlene Filament, doctor of dance and jauntiest judge

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on Strictly Come Prancing.

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And this is the show's most passionate Prussian professional,

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Ms Tatiana Vladivir.

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Hi. I'm Sally,

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receptionist and total mega-fan of all your work,

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thank you for asking. Lenny will take your bags.

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LENNY!

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Hello, there. Oh my, you look familiar.

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You ring more bells than Quasimodo on six pints of coffee.

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What, me? No, I don't.

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Shall I take your bags, person I've never met?

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You do. You look just like someone I used to know a long time ago.

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But he was as graceful as a gazelle.

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Well, there you go, it can't be me. I'm not graceful at all.

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See, look...

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I'll deal with the bags.

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Lenny, you're supposed to be keeping Dolly busy in the spa.

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Oh, right!

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What say you and me trip the light fandango?

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You mean...dancing?

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Why not just skip that bit and go straight to a wedding in Paris?

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-Jamie...

-Woah, woah!

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Jamie! What's going on?

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Sorry, I was just trying a new exercise technique. Resistance!

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I burnt off eight calories pushing you through that door.

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I'm really getting into this health spa idea. Yes, siree!

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See, I told you it was brilliant.

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Yeah. This Jacuzzi's coming along well.

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I hope the bubbles stay in.

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Jamie, I don't suppose you've seen my special lucky marbles, have you?

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-I've lost them and I really need them for good luck.

-Sorry, no.

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Jamie, why was there a woman in reception

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-wearing like a big feathered headdress?

-It's a new treatment.

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Yes, haven't you ever heard of the healing power of chickens?

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You just stay here, Dolly, and relax.

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Oh, Lenny, have you hired that Swedish masseur that I asked for?

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Yes, of course he has! Yes, of course.

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Er, Lenny, go and get Sven.

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Just lie down here, put your feet up.

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There we are. I'm just going to put this over your face.

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Yeah, there we go.

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HE MOUTHS

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Oh, yeah, I'll just go and get him.

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Hurdy gurdy. I am Sven, the Svedish masseuse.

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Yah, here to do your special Svedish massage.

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Hey, why don't I show everyone to their rooms very, very quickly?

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Come with me, Ms Vladivir, up the stairs. Just the six flights.

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Well, I hope he's taking her to a good room with plenty of fresh air.

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Tatiana needs to be in tip-top health for tomorrow's toe-tapping turn.

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If anything were to happen to her, a terrible accident...

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SCREAMING

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CRASHING

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I've found Lenny's marbles.

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Tatiana, what a terrible accident.

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Slaloming down six steps of slippery stairs. Are you OK?

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-Rrrrrrrrrr....

-Can you move your finger? Go on, try.

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SNAPPING

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No chance you can do a Cuban merengue reverse turn,

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French twist and cross-body lead with a cucaracha finish?

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Rrrrrrrrrr!

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Oh, that's a kick in the knickers.

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Ms Filament, I'm so sorry. I can't apologise enough.

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And now we're one dancer down for the big show.

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Hello, Jamie.

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Look at all the guests using our spa facilities.

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What's she having done?

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She's wearing a full-bodied mudpack.

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Here, try some. Close your eyes...

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Mmm, that mud smells healthy.

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Yeah. It's special...mud

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from the zoo next door.

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-PARP!

-Get it while it's hot! Panda poo!

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Tit for tat, that means hat.

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Britney Spears is...

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That rhyming! I know that voice.

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That's Darren Chiseljaw, my old flame.

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What's he doing at Hotel Trubble?

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Um, he must be here to win you back, Dolly.

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You ARE an irresistible woman.

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Darren, I know why you're here.

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This has to stop right now.

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Blimey, Dolly, it's been donkey's years since I seen your boat race.

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Face.

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You've changed a bit. You're more muddy.

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It's a reckless idea, Darren.

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People will get hurt.

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Nah. I mean, Tatiana fell down the apples and pears.

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Stairs. But the worst I got during rehearsal is a sprained ankle.

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Anyway, my agent said I should do this.

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Said it'd be good to get amongst the fans. The little people.

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The little people?

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Is that what you think of me?!

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I've never been so insulted in my life!

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She has, just not to her face.

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I don't get it! Why has she gone so chicken jalfrezi?

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-Lazy?

-Crazy. About me coming here to do a ballroom display.

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-I don't know. Women!

-Rahaha!

-Bad news, I'm afraid, Darren.

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Tatiana won't be able to cha cha cha for the foreseeable.

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-She's bruised every bone from

-her bonce to her backside.

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-CRUNCHING

-Mmmmmm!

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But she was my dance partner! On the custard and jelly.

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Telly.

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-Who's going to dance with me now?

-Dolly, Sven the Swedish masseuse

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-says you've left your... unmentionables.

-This is important.

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My big ballroom spectacular is in jeopardy.

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There must be someone who can replace Tatiana!

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Well, everyone?

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Can anyone think of a girl who'd be up for wearing a free lovely dress

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and dancing up very, very close with hunky Darren here,

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in front of hordes of screaming fans?

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Sorry, no. I can't think of anyone.

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Really, Sally? Don't you want to be on TV?

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Dancing cheek to cheek with Soapy Trousers here?

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Shut up and leave me alone!

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Oh, Sally! Jelly snakes?

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You only hit the hard stuff when things are really bad. What's wrong?

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-Nothing! I'm completely fine.

-Oh, right-o.

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-No, I didn't mean it.

-Sorry.

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It's Strictly Come Prancing, Jamie.

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You know how much I'd love to dance in front of everyone

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with a hunk like Darren...

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So, why didn't you say yes?

0:16:060:16:08

Jamie, I've got a terrible secret.

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Here it comes.

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SHE SIGHS

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-CRUNCH

-Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

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It's coming...

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Jamie!

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I...

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Can't...

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..Dance!

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What?!

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Of course you can. I've seen you dancing! Loads of times.

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No. You've only seen me dance for about eight seconds.

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After eight seconds, it all goes terribly wrong!

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Got that?

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Seriously, I'm terrible!

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People are physically sick at the sight of me dancing.

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I'm sure that's not true.

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I bet you're a beautiful dancer for more than eight seconds.

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-I want you to show me.

-Rrrrrrrrrrr!

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OK, Jamie. If you really believe in me.

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Hit it!

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Yeah! That's it! You've got the moves!

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# The minute you walked in the joint

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# I could see you were a man of distinction... #

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Five, six, seven, eight.

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Urgh, what's happening?

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-This is terrible! My eyes! I can't look away!

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# So let me get right to the point

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# I don't pop my cork for every man I see... #

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That's better.

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# Hey, big spender...

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HE VOMITS, SHE YELLS

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Oh, stop the hurt!

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That wasn't so bad.

0:18:010:18:02

No, Sally, that WAS so bad.

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I've seen people with their bottoms on fire move with more grace!

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Sally, I don't understand. How can you be such a terrible dancer?

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I've got two left feet.

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You can say that again! Your dancing made me Wallace and Gromit.

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Vomit.

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No, really. I do have two left feet. Look.

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This defies physics!

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Two lefts do not make a right!

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Wow. I never noticed that before.

0:18:330:18:35

Though it does explain why she spends so much money on shoes.

0:18:350:18:38

He's right.

0:18:380:18:39

I have to buy two pairs and just wear the left ones.

0:18:390:18:43

Anyone want 50 strappy sandals, right foot only?

0:18:430:18:46

You keep all your right shoes?

0:18:460:18:47

Cor, you're a right peanut butter.

0:18:470:18:49

Nutter.

0:18:490:18:50

-Quiet, you big meanie!

-Shut it, you!

0:18:500:18:53

This I've got to see. Where do you keep 'em?

0:18:530:18:55

-CRASH

-Aaarrrgh!

0:19:010:19:04

Oh... My poor soap star superhunk!

0:19:070:19:11

Oh...

0:19:110:19:12

Poor me, more like! Now there's not one decent dancer in the whole hotel!

0:19:120:19:16

I'm not so sure about that. Not so sure at all!

0:19:210:19:27

Don't look at me. I'm terrible!

0:19:270:19:30

I knew I recognised you.

0:19:300:19:32

Little Lenworth Lemon!

0:19:320:19:34

From the Timmy Tippy-Toes School for Brilliant Boy Ballroom Dancers!

0:19:340:19:39

You were my prize pupil.

0:19:390:19:41

I don't know what you mean, Miss Filament!

0:19:410:19:43

I mean, whoever you are... Oooh!

0:19:430:19:45

All right, it's true.

0:19:520:19:54

I was once a brilliant boy ballroom dancer.

0:19:540:19:57

Lenny was the most beautiful dancer I'd ever seen.

0:19:590:20:03

But then, something happened. Something dreadful.

0:20:040:20:07

My terrible secret. Why I swore I would never dance again.

0:20:070:20:11

It was my final exam.

0:20:110:20:13

Grade 12, Modern Ballroom.

0:20:130:20:15

I finished with a Cuban pivot turn

0:20:150:20:18

and extended fan kick.

0:20:180:20:19

I'd done it a million times, but...

0:20:190:20:21

CRASHES

0:20:210:20:24

"Doughnut Dave to base, I've been attacked by an irate balletist.

0:20:240:20:28

"Send for back-up!

0:20:290:20:30

"And a vet!"

0:20:300:20:33

I swore from that very day that I would never dance again.

0:20:350:20:39

I'm cursed, you know.

0:20:390:20:40

Come on. What are the chances of your shoe coming off,

0:20:400:20:44

flying out the window, smashing the windscreen of a police car,

0:20:440:20:49

blinding the driver, causing a collision with the wall of a zoo

0:20:490:20:52

so an angry rhino escapes,

0:20:520:20:54

crushes a passing brass band, ever happening again?

0:20:540:20:57

It's got to be one in ten at the most.

0:20:570:20:59

-Even with that new zoo opening next door.

-She's right.

0:20:590:21:03

You have a glorious gift you must share with the world.

0:21:030:21:08

Is he really that Elijah Wood? Good?

0:21:080:21:11

I am. But I swore, remember?

0:21:110:21:13

I'll never dance again.

0:21:130:21:14

That's OK. You could teach Sally how to dance.

0:21:140:21:17

You know, with some other bloke.

0:21:170:21:20

We can't cancel now, we've sold hundreds of tickets.

0:21:200:21:23

Jamie, if Lenny can teach me to dance, he can teach you too.

0:21:230:21:26

But... We need a celebrity, like Darren.

0:21:260:21:30

The only time I was on TV was on You've Been Framed

0:21:300:21:33

when a swan bit my bum and I dropped my ice-cream.

0:21:330:21:36

That's more than famous enough to be on Strictly Come Prancing!

0:21:360:21:40

-I don't know, Sally. I'm not a big show off like you.

-Fine.

0:21:400:21:43

Shatter my dream.

0:21:430:21:45

I'll just be a two left-footed clod hopper for the rest of my life!

0:21:460:21:50

I'll never get to dance cheek to cheek

0:21:520:21:54

with my favourite bellboy in the whole world!

0:21:540:21:56

Oh, all right! I'll do it!

0:21:560:21:59

-Yeah!

-Yay!

-Yeah!

0:21:590:22:01

Right then, this is going to take a lot of training. Cue the music!

0:22:010:22:05

# Now I've got you in my sights... #

0:22:050:22:11

One, two, three, one, two, three...

0:22:110:22:14

-Am I hurting you?

-No-o-o-o-o-o!

0:22:140:22:17

Arghh!

0:22:170:22:19

# One look at you and I can't disguise I've got hungry eyes... #

0:22:190:22:27

Oh, no, no, no.

0:22:270:22:29

She looked angry. She looked angry.

0:22:290:22:31

# I've got hungry eyes

0:22:310:22:35

# Now I've got you in my sights... #

0:22:360:22:40

That's it! That's it!

0:22:400:22:42

Oh, you guys, I'm so proud, so proud!

0:22:440:22:48

Here we are then, the big show!

0:22:480:22:50

How did you manage to keep Dolly away?

0:22:500:22:53

She's just...relaxing.

0:22:530:22:56

In the spa.

0:22:560:22:58

# Feeling hot, hot, hot! #

0:22:580:23:00

Hello!

0:23:000:23:02

Jamie! Lenny!

0:23:020:23:03

The door's stuck!

0:23:030:23:06

-Is she going to be OK?

-Yeah, she'll be fine! We just need to

0:23:060:23:09

keep her out of the way until the big ballroom extravaganza is over.

0:23:090:23:13

When she sees what a success it is, she won't be angry. I hope.

0:23:130:23:18

Oh, and if you guys get nervous, you can always borrow my lucky marbles!

0:23:180:23:22

We don't need marbles. We're the best ballroom dancers to ever pasa doble!

0:23:220:23:26

Please welcome to the floor

0:23:260:23:29

Jamie and Sally!

0:23:290:23:32

# Oh-what-wow He's the greatest dancer

0:24:080:24:11

# Oh-what-wow

0:24:110:24:13

# That I've ever seen

0:24:130:24:15

# Oh-what-wow

0:24:150:24:17

# He's the greatest dancer

0:24:170:24:19

# Oh-what-wow... #

0:24:190:24:22

Oh, I knew they'd be brilliant. And it's all thanks to my lucky marbles!

0:24:220:24:26

Oh, Marlene!

0:24:440:24:46

We're so, so, so, so sorry about what happened!

0:24:460:24:50

Tonight was supposed to be a celebration of ballroom dancing.

0:24:500:24:54

Sequins, the tan tights, the men with greasy hair

0:24:540:24:58

holding flowers in their teeth, skidding on their knees.

0:24:580:25:02

And you two have made it look...

0:25:020:25:04

silly. I'm getting out of this weird hotel, back to EastEnders,

0:25:040:25:07

where it's safer. I don't know what you taught those two, Lenny,

0:25:070:25:11

but your feet are offensive weapons.

0:25:110:25:15

Nil points!

0:25:150:25:17

Oh. Right-oh.

0:25:170:25:18

Hello, everybody!

0:25:180:25:21

Hello, Dolly. About tonight...

0:25:210:25:24

Oh, yeah. Look, I'm so sorry that I wasn't around to help run the hotel.

0:25:240:25:29

I only went and got locked in the sauna!

0:25:290:25:32

I was in there for eight hours!

0:25:320:25:35

Had to drink my own sweat to survive.

0:25:350:25:38

-Eurgh.

-Mind you,

0:25:380:25:40

my pores have never been so clean.

0:25:400:25:42

But more importantly,

0:25:420:25:45

I just had the strangest conversation with the zookeeper next door.

0:25:450:25:50

Now, I need to know...

0:25:500:25:52

Who is the owner of this sparkly left-footed shoe?

0:25:520:25:57

Because he says he saw it come flying out of the ballroom window.

0:25:570:26:02

And if it did come from here, then I will be very annoyed.

0:26:020:26:08

Ask her.

0:26:080:26:11

She's missing a Scooby.

0:26:110:26:12

Scooby Doo?

0:26:120:26:15

Shoe! It's shoe!

0:26:150:26:17

She is missing a shoe, Dolly.

0:26:170:26:20

But as you can see, she's wearing a left shoe.

0:26:200:26:23

And that's a left shoe you've got in your hand.

0:26:230:26:26

So they only way that could be Sally's shoe

0:26:260:26:28

is if she had two left feet!

0:26:280:26:31

And that would be ridiculous!

0:26:310:26:33

Yeah!

0:26:330:26:36

Ha ha! Ha ha ha! Oh, well, this can't be your shoe, then, can it?

0:26:360:26:40

I'm just going to go and tell the zookeeper that

0:26:400:26:42

I've no idea what he's talking about.

0:26:420:26:45

Brass bands, zoo walls, hippos...

0:26:450:26:49

He must have been making it all up to impress me!

0:26:490:26:52

Aren't men silly?

0:26:520:26:55

If they're not doing that, they're turning up at my hotel,

0:26:550:26:58

declaring their undying love for me.

0:26:580:27:00

You what? No chance!

0:27:000:27:03

Come on, you.

0:27:030:27:05

Sherbet Dab - cab!

0:27:080:27:10

May I say, Sally,

0:27:140:27:17

that's a lovely new receptionist's outfit you're wearing there.

0:27:170:27:22

Well, I didn't get promoted to manager,

0:27:250:27:28

but at least we're all back to normal.

0:27:280:27:31

Hey...

0:27:310:27:33

-who fancies a dance?

-Ooh, I'll say!

0:27:330:27:36

PHONE RINGS

0:27:360:27:38

# Oh-what-wow! He's the greatest dancer... #

0:27:380:27:42

Hello, Hotel Trubble.

0:27:450:27:48

# Hotel Trubble forever

0:27:480:27:50

# It's the pits and we know we're stuck

0:27:500:27:54

# But we love it

0:27:540:27:55

# Hotel Trubble forever

0:27:550:27:58

# We're a team staying calm on and on

0:27:580:28:01

# So the hotel survives

0:28:010:28:03

# Trubble, trubble Keep the hotel alive! #

0:28:030:28:06

Children's sitcom. Prime-time show Strictly Come Prancing comes to Hotel Trubble with star performer Darren Chiseljaw - and Lenny is hiding a dance-related secret.


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