Lenny the Hero Hotel Trubble


Lenny the Hero

Children's sitcom. Lenny feels he is being overlooked at the hotel, until news anchorman Ed Flaxman arrives and turns him into a tabloid sensation.


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Transcript


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Welcome to Hotel Trubble.

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Meet Sally, our receptionist.

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People! Trying to have a conversation here!

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And, this is Lenny.

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He's a man of many talents.

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-This is Dolly, she's Mr Trubble's...

-HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

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..fiance.

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And, this is Mrs Poshington, the new cleaner.

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Which, just leaves me, Jamie...

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I'm the bell boy.

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# Hotel Trubble forever

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# It's the pits and we know

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# We're stuck but we love it

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# Hotel Trubble forever

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# We're a team staying calm Arm in arm

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# So the hotel survives

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# Trubble, Trubble

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# Keep the hotel alive. #

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Right, next on the agenda is Mrs Poshington.

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Ah, yeah, a bit delicate this.

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Mrs Poshington?

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-Mrs P?

-Allow me.

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Mrs Poshington! RUMBLING

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Hello?

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-SHOUTING:

-We've had another complaint about you, Mrs Poshington.

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Sleeping on the job.

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Oh, Jamie, surely there's no harm in me

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taking a little nap in the guest beds.

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Er, yes!

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With the guests still in them.

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# They long to be, close to you... #

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HE SCREAMS

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No wonder the hotel's doing so badly.

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Stop shouting, Jamie!

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This is the worst birthday party I've ever been to.

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-It's not a party, Lenny, it's a meeting.

-Oh! Not again!

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Good job I brought my own cake though.

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# Happy birthday! Happy birthday! #

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Is that it, then, can we go?

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No! Next on the agenda is...Sally.

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Is this going to take long?

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Because there's a toilet in room 102 that has my name on it.

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LENNY GROANS

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Come on then, Jamie, spit it out.

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You know what I'm going to say, don't you, Sally?

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-Hmm... That you regret having such a flat, square head?

-No!

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Hey! No, what I'm going to say, Sally, is you're a receptionist.

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-Start answering the phones instead of breaking them!

-RUMBLING

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PHONE RINGS

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PHONE RINGS

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Here.

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PHONE RINGS

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Telephone! Telephone! Telephone!

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I don't know what you're talking about.

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PHONE RINGS

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SMASH!

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We really need to up our games, guys.

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Come up with new ideas to make the hotel really unique. You know?

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Any suggestions?

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Any serious suggestions?

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Sally, look, what I'm doing here.

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Sally, look!

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Oh, oh...

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SMASH!

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You know, sometimes I feel like no-one even knows I exist.

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Do you ever get like that, Sally? Sally?

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-Sally?

-Do what?

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LENNY SIGHS

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Sally, watch this.

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Open!

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Open!

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Erm, what am I watching, exactly?

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You talking to the door?

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It's a new plan I have to renovate the hotel.

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It's just a few teething problems right now, that's all.

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Let's try this one.

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Open.

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Open.

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Open!

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Oh, come on!

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SHE LAUGHS

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Look, I told you, you see!

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AEROSOL HISSES

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-Told me, what?

-That's better.

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That my voice-recognition technology would be a success.

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I downloaded it straight from the Internet,

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so it's bound to be reliable. Look!

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Call Mr Trubble.

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Call Mr Trubble!

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Call Trubbly Wubbly!

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CREAKING

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Oh, yeah, that door's always been a bit loose.

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Jamie, would you mind fixing that?

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I'm just going to go and speak to the lift.

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If I'm not back in an hour, would you call an ambulance.

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Well, she'll be gone for more than an hour,

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-we don't have a lift!

-SHE LAUGHS

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Jamie, I've been thinking of some new ideas to make the hotel better.

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Lenny, we don't pay you to think. Now, fix that door.

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JUNGLE CALLS

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I was thinking I could do some of my tricks.

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I've always told you I can lift 50 times my own bodyweight

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and run faster than the speed of light.

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Lenny, I've told you before - you've got to stop confusing

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things you've had a dream about with things you can actually do.

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You didn't invent a never-ending pencil, either.

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Yes, I did, I can show it to you.

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No, I'm not interested in seeing that.

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I've got to show Sally something. Sally, come with me.

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Honestly, tell me, on a scale of one to ten,

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with one being the least boring and ten being the most boring,

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-how boring is this going to be?

-To me, one.

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To you...

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..150.

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Oh, better than expected.

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Jamie, what have you done to the TV room?

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It's not the TV room any more.

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-It's the Palace of Stars! Behold!

-FANFARE

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All the celebrity guests we've had staying at the hotel.

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Celebrities? He unblocked the drains.

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Well, if you want to quibble.

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And this one says, "Thanks for a great stay at Hotel Trubble,

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"I hope your dentures don't cause you any more problems."

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It's an unusual message, sure.

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That was Mrs P's dentist.

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Don't you see? Once people realise

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what a celebrity magnet we are, they'll come in droves!

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Action stations, everyone, stop what you're doing.

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We have a very important guest arriving.

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Ooh, is it the pest controller! At last.

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You know, that kitchen's got so many rats, chef's got them making jam.

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-NEW YORK ACCENT:

-What sort of jam you making?

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Traffic jam, rat-face.

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THEY LAUGH

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No! I'm talking about...

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Ed Flaxman.

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WIND HOWLS

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BELL TOLLS

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He's only like the most famous news reporter of all time!

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Oh, dimwits! Anyway, he's here!

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-Guys, this is it!

-What is?

-Don't you see, if we can get him to put

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a story about the hotel in the news,

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everybody will want to stay here.

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We'll be inundated!

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Are you forgetting something?

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THIS is Hotel Trubble.

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Nothing newsworthy ever happens here.

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Nonsense! I'm going go to tell him about the Palace Of Stars.

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SALLY SIGHS

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BANG!

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GLASS SHATTERS

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SALLY LAUGHS

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SHOES SQUEAK

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CREAKING

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MAN CLEARS HIS THROAT

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Oh...

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Hello.

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Was I asleep in your bed?

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-LOUDLY:

-I think so, yes.

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Ah...

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Perhaps you'd care to explain?

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Explain? Oh, ah.

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Yes, of course, explain.

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Well, you see...

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Here in Hotel Trubble,

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we pride ourselves in having the softest beds known to man.

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The only way to make sure they are the softest beds known to man,

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we have to put them to the test by sleeping in them all day,

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which I do very well.

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I see.

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Well, in that case, thanks!

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That's exactly the level of service I need.

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Phew!

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You see, as you can probably tell from my face,

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I'm newscaster, Ed Flaxman.

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It's my responsibility to actually find the news.

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If I don't find any, there won't be any. It's as simple as that.

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That does sound very stressful.

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Is that why you're here, to find something exciting to go in the news?

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Absolutely not! No way!

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I'm here to relax, pure and simple.

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You see, I grew up in this town.

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I love this town.

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-Whatever it's called.

-How lovely.

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-Unusual name for a town.

-No, what I meant...

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Anyway, let me make one thing clear.

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If anything newsworthy happens

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while I'm staying here in How Lovely,

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I will absolutely blow my top.

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ELEPHANT TRUMPETING, RUMBLING

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PHONE EMITS A PULSING BEEP

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-Hello?

-'Hello!'

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Hello, Mr Trubble. It's Lenny here.

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INDISTINCT ANGRY SHOUTING

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Get someone more important to call you back.

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Yeah, OK. Bye.

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Grow.

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Grow. It's hard to tell in this case.

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Not necessarily a failure, though. Perhaps I'll try something easier.

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Dolly, do you think I'm insignificant?

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Not now, Lenny, I'm talking to a chandelier.

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Light.

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Light.

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Light!

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It's like I'm not even here!

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-Mr Flaxman, can I just...

-I thought I'd made myself perfectly clear.

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I'm not looking for anything to go on the news.

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I'm here on holiday. I'm trying to relax!

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Look, it's working!

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On! On!

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On!

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It doesn't look entirely safe.

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I'll just, er...

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Check the motherboard.

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Mr Flaxman...

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I've spent long enough in this weird hotel of yours.

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I'm here to relax and so far

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it's been the most stressful holiday of my entire life!

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That's not fair, you've only been here for 45 minutes.

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Enough! I don't want to see any of you ever, ever again!

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CHANDELIER RATTLES

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Nooooooooooo!

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MUSIC: "Theme from Superman" by John Williams

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GLASS SHATTERS

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You saved his life.

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How did you even get there in time?

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Faster than the speed of light, remember?

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I've not seen you before.

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-What's your name, son?

-Er, Lenny.

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-Lenny what?

-Lenny Lemon.

-Oh...

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Stupid name. Almost sounds made up.

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Still, I'm sure we can fix that.

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What do you mean, fix it?

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Let me think.

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Mm, Leonard Citrus.

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That's it, perfect.

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Buckle up, Leonard, you're about to become very, very famous, indeed.

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I thought you came here to relax.

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When the news comes a calling, you've just got to answer.

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Breaking news, this lunchtime.

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Unbelievable act of superhuman heroism coming up.

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Amazing story about to unfold.

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World exclusive right here.

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Here it comes.

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Hold your ears...

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It's here.

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Right now!

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I'm standing inside Hotel Trubble, where my life has just been saved

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by an amazing act of superhuman heroism.

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This man, Leonard Citrus...

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..has never done anything interesting in his entire life.

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Isn't that right, Leonard?

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Well, erm...

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-Come on, come on!

-Yes.

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Until today, when he intervened to prevent a chandelier

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from falling on this perfect head.

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-Isn't that right, Leonard?

-Yeah.

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Here's a computer reconstruction of exactly what happened as it happened.

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(COMPUTER) 'I am Ed Flaxman.

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'I am a chandelier.

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'I am Leonard Citrus.

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'Whoa! Watch out!'

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GLASS SHATTERS

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Amazing! What have you got to say, Leonard?

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Well, I'd just like to thank my mum...

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Exactly! That's all from me, back to you in the studio, Jane.

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Hi, Jane.

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-That's a great story, Lenny.

-I know.

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Who'd have thought a dog could do an impression of Bruce Forsyth.

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Not that story! The one about you.

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Oh, right, yeah. I suppose so.

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It reminds me of when I was on the news.

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-Why were you on the news?

-Ah, well...

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It's best if I don't say any more about that. For legal reasons.

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Oh, look, something dirty.

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Needs scrubbing.

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Why did Lenny get on the TV? Why not me?

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Because Lenny was doing something heroic,

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whereas you were applying your lip gloss.

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Well, if you're going to split hairs.

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Lenny, you're going to be famous!

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More importantly, Hotel Trubble's going to be famous.

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You're really going to put this place on the map.

0:14:020:14:05

-Isn't it already on the map?

-No, it's just an expression.

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You know, like, "If the cap fits, wear it."

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OK.

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Never mind.

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-Can I help you?

-Well, since you're offering.

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-Put me on the news.

-I think not.

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-Are you following me?

-Not exactly.

-What exactly are you doing?

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Nothing, just going to follow

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you around a bit, let you see how interesting I am.

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You're weird.

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# You think I'm psycho, don't you, Mama? #

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Oh!

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# Mama, pour me a cup

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# You think I'm psycho, don't you, Mama?

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# You better let them lock me up. #

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Ah!

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There you are, you naughty boy!

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Please, just leave me alone, you creepy woman.

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Not until you put me on the news.

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Please, please...

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Please, please, please... (Please put me on the news.)

0:15:160:15:20

Argh!

0:15:200:15:21

The fastest way to fame,

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fortune and success is to flog your heroic story in a book.

0:15:240:15:27

Oh, I don't know. Dolly once asked me to write a note for the milkman.

0:15:270:15:31

It took me two-and-a-half weeks!

0:15:310:15:33

Don't worry, we'll get a ghost writer to write it.

0:15:330:15:36

A ghost writer? But won't the keyboard go through its fingers?

0:15:360:15:40

No, a ghost writer is just a normal writer who does all the hard work so

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famous people don't have to.

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So, what do I do?

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Nothing. You just...be you.

0:15:480:15:52

I thought me being me was something not many people were interested in.

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Nonsense!

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I've always said you're a very special young man.

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No, you haven't! You once told me I was the human equivalent of a sock.

0:15:590:16:02

Warm, but empty.

0:16:020:16:04

Remember, just stick to the speech and try not to say anything weird

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about the Queen's secret weasel farm or dung beetles living on Mars.

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Hello, everyone. Thanks for coming to the launch of my book.

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I'd just like to make a quick confession that

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I didn't actually write the book.

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A ghost wrote it for me.

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I know, I was amazed as well.

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I thought his hands would go straight through the keys, but they didn't.

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Oh, I know. I could show you all my never-ending pencil.

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-Lenny.

-Lenny, can I have your autograph, please?

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I can't believe it, Lenny -

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everyone's obsessed with your never-ending pencil.

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-Why didn't you tell me about this before?

-I did tell you.

-Sorry...

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You wait till Mr Trubble finds out about this.

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This is the busiest we've been in ages.

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Clever old me.

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Er, aren't these people here to see me?

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Yeah, of course, yeah. Anyway, I've organised a treat for you.

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Custard cream sandwiches.

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That sounds lovely,

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but I can't.

0:17:170:17:19

Mr Flaxman says he's going to take me out for dinner and we're going to

0:17:190:17:22

do an exclusive feature interview and that I can have three courses.

0:17:220:17:25

-Whatever that means.

-Oh, brilliant.

0:17:250:17:28

Ed thinks my never-ending pencil is something else.

0:17:280:17:32

Look!

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I've only ever been to one restaurant before.

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Maybe I should come with you.

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Just to make sure you don't confuse the fork for half a spider again.

0:17:420:17:46

-Ready, Leonard?

-Oh, yeah, ready, Ed.

0:17:460:17:49

-See you later, Jamie.

-Yeah, see you later, Jimmy.

0:17:490:17:51

Jamie. Maybe I could...

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-Sorry, can't stop and chat, table's booked for seven.

-Oh!

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Have a great time!

0:17:580:18:01

-Remember it all started...

-GLASS SHATTERS

0:18:010:18:04

..Hotel Trubble.

0:18:040:18:06

It says here that Lenny enjoys slow cooking

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and the poems of William Wordsworth. Who knew that?

0:18:160:18:20

Where is Lenny? He was supposed to be here half an hour ago!

0:18:200:18:25

I know he's a big star and everything, but...

0:18:250:18:27

There's still a bunch of menial tasks with his name on them.

0:18:270:18:30

Apparently, his favourite food is halibut.

0:18:300:18:34

Do you know, I'm learning so much.

0:18:340:18:36

It's not like him.

0:18:360:18:37

I don't see what the problem is.

0:18:370:18:39

Lenny gets rich and famous and the hotel benefits.

0:18:390:18:42

It's all good, isn't it?

0:18:420:18:43

SMASHING

0:18:440:18:45

-Hey, dudes.

-Hey.

0:18:470:18:48

Lenny, what are you wearing?

0:18:480:18:51

These are the latest celebrity clothes.

0:18:510:18:53

In fact, this outfit is a hand-me-down from Justin Bieber.

0:18:530:18:58

Celebrity... What are you talking about?

0:18:580:19:01

I opened three jumble sales this morning, AND an envelope.

0:19:010:19:05

Well, you should have been here working.

0:19:050:19:07

Work, no way. Ed reckons I don't have to work another day in my life.

0:19:070:19:11

So, I quit.

0:19:110:19:14

-What?

-That's right, Jimmy.

-Jamie.

-Whatever...

0:19:140:19:17

Oh, you...

0:19:170:19:18

You are funny, Lenny.

0:19:180:19:20

Now, come on, get back to work.

0:19:220:19:25

It's not a joke. He's got bigger fish to fry.

0:19:250:19:28

Salmon, haddock, mackerel.

0:19:280:19:30

About that size, just big fish.

0:19:300:19:33

It's just an expression!

0:19:330:19:35

-Oh, right.

-But you can't leave!

0:19:350:19:37

We need you at the hotel.

0:19:370:19:40

I said I was quitting, I didn't say I was leaving.

0:19:400:19:42

Dolly, hand me the keys to the penthouse suite. I'm moving in.

0:19:420:19:47

# When will I, will I be famous? #

0:19:480:19:53

PHONE RINGS

0:19:530:19:55

Sally, what are you doing?

0:19:560:19:58

It's not fair, Jamie!

0:19:580:20:00

I was the one that was meant to be famous, not Lenny.

0:20:000:20:05

Where's my cardboard cut-out?

0:20:050:20:07

If you ever manage to save somebody's life,

0:20:070:20:09

you'll get a cardboard cut-out too.

0:20:090:20:11

But, until that time...

0:20:110:20:12

Yes, I've got it!

0:20:120:20:14

I just need to save his life.

0:20:140:20:16

# Think I'm psycho, don't you, Mama... #

0:20:160:20:20

What, whose life?

0:20:200:20:22

-Thanks, Jamie, I could almost kiss you.

-OK.

0:20:220:20:25

I said, "Almost."

0:20:270:20:29

# I think we're alone now

0:20:290:20:32

# There doesn't seem to be anyone around

0:20:320:20:36

# I think we're alone now

0:20:360:20:39

# The beating of our hearts is the only sound... #

0:20:390:20:43

What are you doing?!

0:20:450:20:47

You stopped breathing, I'm saving your life!

0:20:470:20:50

I was asleep!

0:20:500:20:51

Save your breath, Mr Flaxman, I'll give you mouth-to-mouth.

0:20:510:20:54

MUFFLED SHOUTS

0:20:570:20:58

Get off me!

0:20:580:21:00

Right, that's it. I'm calling the police.

0:21:000:21:03

You've broken my ribs.

0:21:050:21:07

What's that? You'd like to cancel?

0:21:110:21:13

Oh, you'd rather sleep naked on the top of Mount Etna.

0:21:130:21:17

Well, your loss!

0:21:170:21:19

That's the third cancellation we've had today.

0:21:190:21:22

-No-one wants to stay in the same hotel as Lenny.

-I don't blame them.

0:21:220:21:25

Ever since he moved in here, it's been a nightmare.

0:21:250:21:28

It's like he thinks he's... Dizzie Osborne.

0:21:280:21:32

Or, even worse, that... Ozzy Rascal.

0:21:320:21:35

I see what you mean.

0:21:370:21:40

What's that?

0:21:400:21:41

Room service for Lenny.

0:21:410:21:43

-He wants a basketful of puppies at room temperature.

-What?

0:21:430:21:48

That's not the half of it.

0:21:480:21:51

The first thing he wanted was a bowl of M&Ms

0:21:510:21:55

with the brown ones taken out.

0:21:550:21:57

Then it was play dough and a boa constrictor,

0:21:570:22:01

12 leafy plants, 24 small towels and a boom box.

0:22:010:22:06

And, then he wanted me to shave his back.

0:22:060:22:09

Right! That's it, this has to stop.

0:22:090:22:12

I'm going up there.

0:22:120:22:14

Nothing... Nothing is going to stand in my way.

0:22:140:22:18

MUSIC: "In Da Club" By 50 Cent

0:22:260:22:28

Ride 'em, cowboy. Yee-ha!

0:22:330:22:36

Lenny, I'd like a word.

0:22:360:22:38

Whoa, whoa, wait a sec!

0:22:380:22:40

What have you done to this room?

0:22:400:22:42

Yeah, do you like it? I've Lennied it.

0:22:420:22:44

Lenny, what's happened to you?

0:22:440:22:47

You can't just do as you please, people are cancelling

0:22:470:22:49

left, right and centre.

0:22:490:22:50

Oh, is that the time? Sorry, Jamie, I'll have to ask you to leave,

0:22:500:22:54

Piers Morgan's due any minute to do a live interview on me.

0:22:540:22:57

He specifically requested no bell-boys in the background.

0:22:570:23:00

(That means you.)

0:23:000:23:02

-Right!

-MUSIC STOPS

0:23:020:23:04

-What are you doing?!

-I've had enough.

0:23:040:23:06

It's either you or me, Lenny.

0:23:060:23:09

This hotel isn't big enough for the both of us.

0:23:090:23:12

Fine...

0:23:120:23:14

MUSIC: Theme from The Good, The Bad And The Ugly

0:23:140:23:17

SHOTS FIRED

0:23:400:23:43

All right, Jamie, I give up. I'm leaving.

0:23:430:23:47

-Jamie.

-Lenny.

0:23:470:23:50

-It's been nice working with you.

-So, what are you going to do?

0:23:500:23:53

Well, Ed thinks there's enough

0:23:530:23:55

interest in my never-ending pencil to take it out on tour.

0:23:550:23:58

What, like stadiums and stuff?

0:23:580:24:02

-With a pencil? It doesn't even make sense.

-It doesn't make sense.

0:24:020:24:06

Well, we'll start with

0:24:060:24:07

the local old people's homes and then take it from there.

0:24:070:24:10

Goodbye.

0:24:100:24:12

Are you all right, Jamie?

0:24:210:24:23

This day can't get any worse.

0:24:230:24:26

PHONE RINGS

0:24:260:24:28

Hello, Hotel Trubble.

0:24:320:24:34

-'Jamie...'

-Sally. Where are you?

0:24:340:24:36

'I'm sort of in prison.'

0:24:360:24:38

Oh, no!

0:24:390:24:42

Bong! Breaking news this lunchtime...

0:24:420:24:45

Bong! Relaxing holiday ruined by raving lunatic. Bong!

0:24:450:24:50

Bum-faced bumwit responsible for probably the worst holiday

0:24:500:24:53

of all time. Bong!

0:24:530:24:55

It's not that bad, at least they didn't mention the hotel.

0:24:550:24:59

And all of this took place

0:24:590:25:00

in probably the worst hotel I've ever stayed at.

0:25:000:25:03

Hotel Trubble.

0:25:030:25:05

Well, at least they didn't give away the address.

0:25:050:25:08

Hotel Trubble, 171 The High Street.

0:25:080:25:13

171 The High... TURNS TV OFF

0:25:130:25:15

Oh, crumpets.

0:25:150:25:18

Sally... why were you in that police car?

0:25:230:25:25

Because I've been jailed, Lenny.

0:25:250:25:28

If you hadn't got famous,

0:25:280:25:29

it would never have occurred to me to get famous.

0:25:290:25:32

and I wouldn't have broken Mr Flaxman's ribs trying to save him.

0:25:320:25:36

No, what are you doing?

0:25:390:25:41

Oh, is your pencil broken? Aw...

0:25:430:25:46

Oh, my never-ending pencil.

0:25:510:25:53

Lenny...

0:26:000:26:02

Can I have my job back, please?

0:26:020:26:04

But I thought you were tired of feeling ignored.

0:26:040:26:08

I was, but... I was wrong.

0:26:080:26:11

I want to stay at Hotel Trubble.

0:26:110:26:12

It's my home.

0:26:120:26:14

Plus, Sally broke the never-ending pencil, so I guess the tour's off.

0:26:140:26:19

Well, in that case then,

0:26:190:26:20

why don't you get your uniform back on and get back to work?

0:26:200:26:24

Shall I start with unblocking the men's toilets?

0:26:240:26:27

Oh, no. Your talents have been severely underestimated, Lenny.

0:26:270:26:30

I've got a much bigger and better job for you to do.

0:26:300:26:34

OK, Jamie, where do you want me to begin?

0:26:370:26:39

Right, Lenny, Dolly wants you to start with the door.

0:26:390:26:42

Oh, right, all right. Here goes.

0:26:420:26:46

And, open!

0:26:460:26:48

Right...

0:26:520:26:53

Now...

0:26:530:26:55

The plant.

0:26:550:26:57

Erm, grow!

0:26:570:27:00

And, finally, light!

0:27:000:27:03

Hey, hey!

0:27:030:27:05

You see, just a small problem with the electrics.

0:27:050:27:08

Well done, Lenny. It's good to have you back.

0:27:080:27:11

I just hope none of us has any run in with the news again.

0:27:110:27:13

Jamie, don't thank me but I just might have

0:27:130:27:17

the answer to your prayers.

0:27:170:27:20

"The day I woke up in Ed Flaxman's bed."

0:27:220:27:25

Mrs P, you sold your story to the papers.

0:27:250:27:27

You cheeky devil, you.

0:27:270:27:30

To be honest, this isn't really what I had in mind.

0:27:300:27:32

In fact, we'll be lucky if we don't have Ed Flaxman's

0:27:320:27:34

lawyers on the phone.

0:27:340:27:35

PHONE RINGS

0:27:350:27:37

Sally... See who it is.

0:27:380:27:42

Hello, Hotel Trubble.

0:27:420:27:44

MUFFLED SHOUTING

0:27:440:27:45

# Hotel Trubble forever

0:27:520:27:54

# It's the pits and we know we're stuck, but we love it

0:27:540:27:59

# Hotel Trubble forever

0:27:590:28:02

# We're a team staying calm, arm in arm, so the hotel survives

0:28:020:28:07

# Trubble, trubble Keep the hotel alive! #

0:28:070:28:10

E-mail [email protected]

0:28:100:28:12

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