Cash or Kick Yourself Hounded
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Transcript
| Line | From | To | |
|---|---|---|---|
GENTLE MUSIC | 0:00:01 | 0:00:03 | |
That'll never fit in my handbag. | 0:00:10 | 0:00:14 | |
SNORES | 0:00:14 | 0:00:15 | |
DISCORDANT MUSIC | 0:00:17 | 0:00:20 | |
That's me - Rufus Hound. | 0:00:20 | 0:00:23 | |
I'm a television presenter... | 0:00:23 | 0:00:26 | |
..and every day I save the world. | 0:00:28 | 0:00:30 | |
Ah! | 0:00:30 | 0:00:31 | |
See him? Well, this ugly dipstick is the evil Dr Muhaha... | 0:00:31 | 0:00:37 | |
It's pronounced, "Muhahaha". | 0:00:37 | 0:00:39 | |
..and his geeky sidekick, Steve. | 0:00:39 | 0:00:41 | |
Shall I? | 0:00:41 | 0:00:43 | |
Every day he comes up with some new plan to conquer us, | 0:00:44 | 0:00:48 | |
and every day I stop him. | 0:00:48 | 0:00:50 | |
What? Someone's got to do it. And that's not the half of it. | 0:00:51 | 0:00:55 | |
If, at the end of the day, I have beaten him, well, | 0:00:55 | 0:00:58 | |
he just hits rewind, and the whole day goes back to the beginning. | 0:00:58 | 0:01:02 | |
FAST REWIND | 0:01:02 | 0:01:04 | |
GENTLE MUSIC | 0:01:05 | 0:01:08 | |
DISCORDANT MUSIC Not again! | 0:01:08 | 0:01:11 | |
Right. Off to my first day at work.... | 0:01:13 | 0:01:15 | |
again. | 0:01:15 | 0:01:17 | |
So, you'd think I'd know exactly what's going to happen. | 0:01:17 | 0:01:20 | |
Morning. | 0:01:22 | 0:01:23 | |
Unfortunately, it's not always that simple, | 0:01:23 | 0:01:25 | |
because Dr Mu's always coming up with a new plan. | 0:01:25 | 0:01:29 | |
Luckily, whatever world I'm in, these two always turn up to help. | 0:01:29 | 0:01:34 | |
The only thing is, I never know what they're going to look like. | 0:01:34 | 0:01:37 | |
Last, but by no means least, is this good-looking chap. | 0:01:37 | 0:01:41 | |
That's me, from years ahead in the future. | 0:01:41 | 0:01:44 | |
Future Rufus likes to think he's helping, | 0:01:44 | 0:01:46 | |
but sometimes I'm not so sure it's not his fault I'm in this mess. | 0:01:46 | 0:01:50 | |
So, that's it, in a nutshell. | 0:01:50 | 0:01:53 | |
You never know, maybe one day I'll wake up, and it will be tomorrow. | 0:01:53 | 0:01:57 | |
BIRD CAWS | 0:01:57 | 0:01:58 | |
Or, at the very least, I'll remember about that bird. | 0:02:00 | 0:02:03 | |
OINKING | 0:02:17 | 0:02:19 | |
Everybody relax - I'm here. | 0:02:26 | 0:02:29 | |
-Oh, it's the new guy! Hi there, I'm Gill. -Hiya, I'm Barry. | 0:02:29 | 0:02:33 | |
That's odd - have I met you before? | 0:02:33 | 0:02:36 | |
Yes. Yes, yeah... Yeah. | 0:02:36 | 0:02:40 | |
No. No, we haven't. No. | 0:02:40 | 0:02:41 | |
Well, come on, then. We haven't got all day. | 0:02:41 | 0:02:44 | |
# BACH: Toccata In D Minor | 0:02:44 | 0:02:47 | |
# Music from shower scene in Psycho | 0:03:18 | 0:03:20 | |
-SHRIEKING -Blinko, Blinko, Blinko! | 0:03:20 | 0:03:23 | |
Record ratings are predicted for the hip new TV game show, | 0:03:34 | 0:03:39 | |
Cash Or Kick Yourself, being shown tonight around the world. | 0:03:39 | 0:03:42 | |
Most of the world's population are expected to tune in. | 0:03:42 | 0:03:46 | |
-So, this experiment...? -..is demonstrating this. | 0:03:47 | 0:03:51 | |
It's a Knowledge-Bot. It can answer any question you ask it. Look... | 0:03:51 | 0:03:55 | |
-DIRECTOR: Ten seconds. -Just wing it. You'll be fine. | 0:03:55 | 0:03:58 | |
-No, but... -You'll be fabulous. | 0:03:58 | 0:04:00 | |
DIRECTOR: And in five, four, three... | 0:04:00 | 0:04:04 | |
How do you work? | 0:04:04 | 0:04:06 | |
DIRECTOR: On air. | 0:04:06 | 0:04:08 | |
Hello and welcome to FunLab. | 0:04:12 | 0:04:14 | |
It puts the fizz into physics... | 0:04:14 | 0:04:16 | |
-The mystery into chemistry... -And the "Oh, gee" into biology. | 0:04:16 | 0:04:20 | |
And kicking off today's experiment is brand-new presenter Rodney Hound. | 0:04:20 | 0:04:25 | |
(I give up!) | 0:04:25 | 0:04:27 | |
Thanks, Gill. I'm here to demonstrate the incredible Knowledge-Bot. Now... | 0:04:27 | 0:04:32 | |
'And just as I'm getting going, | 0:04:32 | 0:04:34 | |
'my meddling future self turns up to ruin my day.' | 0:04:34 | 0:04:38 | |
Let's give it a test and see if | 0:04:38 | 0:04:40 | |
I can avoid being ripped through all space and time. | 0:04:40 | 0:04:43 | |
What's the capital of Canada? | 0:04:43 | 0:04:46 | |
Whoa! | 0:04:47 | 0:04:49 | |
ROBOT: The capital of Canada is, um...um... Don't tell me! | 0:04:49 | 0:04:53 | |
Don't tell me, I'll get it, I know this one... | 0:04:53 | 0:04:56 | |
Rudolf? | 0:04:56 | 0:04:58 | |
The capital of Canada, um, is, is... No, I know it... | 0:04:58 | 0:05:02 | |
There's an amazing restaurant there that does incredible sea bass. | 0:05:07 | 0:05:12 | |
Or sea bream. Anyway, that's not the answer. | 0:05:12 | 0:05:14 | |
We have a technical hitch. FunLab will resume shortly. | 0:05:14 | 0:05:17 | |
Welcome to the second round | 0:05:29 | 0:05:31 | |
of Cash Or Kick Yourself. | 0:05:31 | 0:05:34 | |
Yes! | 0:05:34 | 0:05:36 | |
Billions of Earthlings will be watching Cash Or Kick Yourself, | 0:05:37 | 0:05:41 | |
just as I planned. This has to be my greatest scheme yet. | 0:05:41 | 0:05:46 | |
A game show that will let me... | 0:05:46 | 0:05:49 | |
rule the multiverse. Muhahaha! | 0:05:49 | 0:05:52 | |
Do you have to do that? I've got a bit of a headache. | 0:05:52 | 0:05:56 | |
Silence, minion. Every planet in the multiverse | 0:05:56 | 0:05:59 | |
has its own version of Cash Or Kick Yourself. | 0:05:59 | 0:06:04 | |
They can't get enough of it. Ooh! Muhahaha! | 0:06:04 | 0:06:07 | |
Question number one. | 0:06:07 | 0:06:09 | |
The Octurian swamp octopus has 11 legs, | 0:06:11 | 0:06:15 | |
but what is its favourite colour? | 0:06:15 | 0:06:18 | |
Oh, um... Oh, it's, um... | 0:06:18 | 0:06:20 | |
Oh... Ah... | 0:06:20 | 0:06:23 | |
Oh, um... | 0:06:23 | 0:06:25 | |
Red. No, blue. Red. No! Blue. Blue. | 0:06:25 | 0:06:28 | |
JINGLE PLAYS | 0:06:28 | 0:06:30 | |
No. It doesn't have a favourite colour. | 0:06:30 | 0:06:33 | |
It's an octopus. You got it wrong! | 0:06:33 | 0:06:37 | |
And we know what that means! | 0:06:37 | 0:06:39 | |
Blinko! | 0:06:39 | 0:06:41 | |
Blinko, Blinko, Blinko! Blinko, Blinko! | 0:06:41 | 0:06:43 | |
Blinko, Blinko, Blinko, Blinko! Blinko! Blinko, Blinko, Blinko, | 0:06:43 | 0:06:49 | |
Blinko, Blinko, Blinko...! | 0:06:49 | 0:06:51 | |
Hm! A different presenter, a different Mr Blinko, | 0:06:51 | 0:06:55 | |
but the same mindless tripe. | 0:06:55 | 0:06:58 | |
And Earth is the only planet in the multiverse | 0:06:58 | 0:07:01 | |
that isn't totally obsessed with it. | 0:07:01 | 0:07:04 | |
But not for much longer. | 0:07:04 | 0:07:07 | |
And once every planet in the multiverse is tuned in... | 0:07:07 | 0:07:11 | |
-We activate the Hypnotron. -Shut up, I wanted to say that bit! | 0:07:11 | 0:07:15 | |
Once every planet in the multiverse is tuned in, we activate... | 0:07:15 | 0:07:21 | |
-the Hypnotron. -BLEEP | 0:07:21 | 0:07:23 | |
Hypnotic mind-control waves will be sent through every TV | 0:07:24 | 0:07:28 | |
and vid screen in the multiverse, | 0:07:28 | 0:07:30 | |
reducing every viewer to a mindless zombie, | 0:07:30 | 0:07:35 | |
under my control. | 0:07:35 | 0:07:37 | |
Yeah, I know all this. I helped you set it up, remember? | 0:07:37 | 0:07:40 | |
Yes, yes. So, now... | 0:07:40 | 0:07:43 | |
all that remains is Earth - | 0:07:43 | 0:07:46 | |
the final piece... | 0:07:46 | 0:07:49 | |
in my evil jigsaw. | 0:07:49 | 0:07:52 | |
Nothing can go wrong this time. | 0:07:52 | 0:07:54 | |
Muhahaha! Muhahaha! | 0:07:54 | 0:07:58 | |
Ah, the prisoners. | 0:08:04 | 0:08:06 | |
These are the two who have been stirring up trouble. | 0:08:06 | 0:08:10 | |
-Dissidents from the planet Kalamari 9. -Ah. | 0:08:10 | 0:08:12 | |
You! I demand you let us go. | 0:08:12 | 0:08:15 | |
Exercise a little caution, | 0:08:15 | 0:08:16 | |
as we seem to be the prisoners of an evil madman. | 0:08:16 | 0:08:19 | |
No! I've see what happens when that show comes to a new planet. | 0:08:19 | 0:08:24 | |
-Everyone gets addicted. -Mmm. How touching(!) | 0:08:24 | 0:08:27 | |
Kalamari 9 was once an advanced civilisation before your game show. | 0:08:27 | 0:08:31 | |
Well, I tell you what! | 0:08:31 | 0:08:32 | |
We are not going to let this happen to anyone else. | 0:08:32 | 0:08:35 | |
We're gonna stop you...Mu. | 0:08:35 | 0:08:39 | |
-LAUGHS -I think not. | 0:08:43 | 0:08:47 | |
I'll dispose of them... in one of the games. | 0:08:47 | 0:08:51 | |
Wouldn't it be easier to just throw them into space? | 0:08:51 | 0:08:55 | |
No! You just don't get this evil genius thing, do you? | 0:08:56 | 0:09:00 | |
Take them away. | 0:09:00 | 0:09:02 | |
-We'll be back! -Bye-bye. | 0:09:05 | 0:09:09 | |
Very sweet, though. | 0:09:09 | 0:09:11 | |
Ah! | 0:09:11 | 0:09:12 | |
So, now I'm off to meet my future self | 0:09:12 | 0:09:14 | |
so he can send me on some harebrained mission. | 0:09:14 | 0:09:17 | |
Ah! | 0:09:17 | 0:09:19 | |
THUD | 0:09:19 | 0:09:20 | |
Hello! | 0:09:25 | 0:09:28 | |
Is there anyone who can tell me where I am? | 0:09:28 | 0:09:31 | |
Yes, that might be a good idea. | 0:09:31 | 0:09:35 | |
Not you again. | 0:09:35 | 0:09:36 | |
No, Rufus. You again. | 0:09:36 | 0:09:39 | |
I'm you, from the future, remember? I haven't got time for all this. | 0:09:39 | 0:09:43 | |
-Listen very carefully. OK? -OK. | 0:09:43 | 0:09:45 | |
Use the information properly and you may be able to get out of | 0:09:45 | 0:09:48 | |
-the mess you're about to find yourself in. -I'm listening! | 0:09:48 | 0:09:53 | |
The population of Tanzania | 0:09:53 | 0:09:55 | |
is 36,977,417. | 0:09:55 | 0:10:02 | |
The population of Tanzania is blah, blah, blah. | 0:10:03 | 0:10:07 | |
Why have you got the number 3 written on your head? | 0:10:07 | 0:10:09 | |
So you'll remember it. | 0:10:09 | 0:10:11 | |
I've got to go. The show's about to start. | 0:10:11 | 0:10:15 | |
You can't just... | 0:10:15 | 0:10:17 | |
Oh, great(!) | 0:10:19 | 0:10:20 | |
The excitement it is at fever pitch for the event | 0:10:27 | 0:10:30 | |
the whole galaxy is tuning in for. | 0:10:30 | 0:10:33 | |
Yes, it's Cash Or Kick Yourself! | 0:10:33 | 0:10:37 | |
Let's go live to the first round. | 0:10:37 | 0:10:41 | |
SIGNATURE TUNE PLAYS | 0:10:41 | 0:10:43 | |
Don't even think about moving. | 0:10:54 | 0:10:56 | |
Gill? Barry? What's going on? | 0:11:03 | 0:11:05 | |
Who are you? | 0:11:05 | 0:11:07 | |
That Rufus character is in one of the games, I don't understand it. | 0:11:10 | 0:11:14 | |
No matter. I think we've got him exactly where we want him. | 0:11:14 | 0:11:17 | |
I think we need a change of host for the next game. | 0:11:18 | 0:11:22 | |
-You're not? -I am. Muhahaha! | 0:11:22 | 0:11:25 | |
I wish he'd stop doing that laugh. | 0:11:25 | 0:11:28 | |
It's Cash Or Kick Yourself! | 0:11:28 | 0:11:31 | |
You're not Gill, are you? | 0:11:33 | 0:11:36 | |
Who is this Gill you speak of? | 0:11:36 | 0:11:37 | |
-I'm Gelina. -And I'm Buck. | 0:11:37 | 0:11:40 | |
-We're prisoners of Mu. -Mu... | 0:11:40 | 0:11:43 | |
Well, it had to be, really, didn't it? | 0:11:46 | 0:11:48 | |
Muhahaha! | 0:11:49 | 0:11:51 | |
Welcome. | 0:11:51 | 0:11:52 | |
-APPLAUSE -No, thank you. | 0:11:52 | 0:11:53 | |
Thank you, you're too kind. You're too kind. | 0:11:53 | 0:11:56 | |
Welcome to the most popular game show in the multiverse, | 0:11:56 | 0:12:00 | |
Cash Or Kick Yourself. Ha-ha-ha! | 0:12:00 | 0:12:04 | |
It's a game show where anything can happen, and I really do mean... | 0:12:04 | 0:12:07 | |
Muhahaha! | 0:12:07 | 0:12:09 | |
..anything! | 0:12:09 | 0:12:10 | |
Blinko! Blinko, Blinko, Blinko! | 0:12:10 | 0:12:14 | |
Blinko. Blinko. Blinko, Blinko, Blinko. | 0:12:14 | 0:12:17 | |
LAUGHS | 0:12:17 | 0:12:19 | |
Blinko, Blinko! Blinko, Blinko, Blinko! | 0:12:19 | 0:12:21 | |
Blinko, Blinko, Blinko! Blinko! | 0:12:21 | 0:12:23 | |
Whoo! It really is that crazy. | 0:12:23 | 0:12:27 | |
Yes, let's play Cash Or Kick Yourself. | 0:12:27 | 0:12:32 | |
Muhahaha! Whoo! | 0:12:32 | 0:12:35 | |
Cash Or Kick Yourself? | 0:12:35 | 0:12:38 | |
Ha-ha-ha! | 0:12:38 | 0:12:40 | |
Let's meet the contestants. | 0:12:40 | 0:12:42 | |
Yes, yes, yes, yes! | 0:12:42 | 0:12:44 | |
Ha-ha-ha! | 0:12:44 | 0:12:46 | |
Who shall we pick first? | 0:12:46 | 0:12:48 | |
And it's you! | 0:12:48 | 0:12:50 | |
So, you're... | 0:12:51 | 0:12:53 | |
LAUGHS | 0:12:53 | 0:12:54 | |
..Rufus. | 0:12:54 | 0:12:56 | |
-I know it's you, Mu. -How very perceptive. | 0:12:56 | 0:12:59 | |
Looking forward to playing the game, Rufus? | 0:12:59 | 0:13:01 | |
No! | 0:13:01 | 0:13:03 | |
Ha-ha! | 0:13:03 | 0:13:04 | |
-Shall we gunge him... -SPLAT! | 0:13:04 | 0:13:05 | |
-..or shall we gunk him? -SPLASH! | 0:13:05 | 0:13:07 | |
AUDIENCE: Gunk, gunk, gunk... | 0:13:07 | 0:13:09 | |
Gunk? Ooh! Ooh! | 0:13:09 | 0:13:12 | |
-No! No! No! -Gunk, gunk, gunk... | 0:13:12 | 0:13:15 | |
-Gunk, gunk, gunk, gunk, gunk... -LAUGHS | 0:13:15 | 0:13:20 | |
Yes! | 0:13:20 | 0:13:21 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:13:21 | 0:13:24 | |
Shall we...gunk him...again? | 0:13:24 | 0:13:28 | |
-Please, no! -Let's gunk him! | 0:13:28 | 0:13:32 | |
Whoo-ha-ha-ha! | 0:13:32 | 0:13:34 | |
Whoo-ha-ha-ha! | 0:13:34 | 0:13:36 | |
Oh! It never stops being funny. | 0:13:36 | 0:13:39 | |
Shall we gunk him again? | 0:13:46 | 0:13:48 | |
-No! -Enough with the preliminaries. | 0:13:48 | 0:13:52 | |
Let's play Cash Or Kick Yourself, | 0:13:52 | 0:13:56 | |
where the contestants compete for the ultimate prize. | 0:13:56 | 0:13:58 | |
That's right, the ultimate prize. | 0:13:58 | 0:14:02 | |
# Theme from Hawaii Five-O CHEERING | 0:14:05 | 0:14:09 | |
-What's in the box? -Who knows? | 0:14:14 | 0:14:16 | |
Must be something pretty special | 0:14:16 | 0:14:18 | |
if the whole universe is competing for it. | 0:14:18 | 0:14:21 | |
Whoo-hoo-hoo! Oh, I love this show. | 0:14:21 | 0:14:23 | |
And... Oh, so what's your name? | 0:14:23 | 0:14:27 | |
Vortron. | 0:14:27 | 0:14:28 | |
-Vortron?! -LAUGHTER | 0:14:28 | 0:14:31 | |
OK, Vortron. | 0:14:31 | 0:14:33 | |
Round one - general knowledge. | 0:14:33 | 0:14:36 | |
First question... | 0:14:37 | 0:14:39 | |
Emperor Zoron is the ruler of the Ganymede system | 0:14:39 | 0:14:42 | |
near the Zirkon Nebula, but what is his cousin's middle name? | 0:14:42 | 0:14:48 | |
-AUDIENCE: Ooh! -Um... | 0:14:48 | 0:14:51 | |
I'm sorry, Vortron, I'm going to have to hurry you. | 0:14:51 | 0:14:55 | |
Is it...Mungos? | 0:14:55 | 0:14:57 | |
Is it Mungos? | 0:14:57 | 0:14:58 | |
Well, that's absolutely... | 0:14:58 | 0:15:01 | |
wrong! | 0:15:01 | 0:15:02 | |
LAUGHS | 0:15:02 | 0:15:04 | |
But the good news is, you've still won a prize. That's right, | 0:15:04 | 0:15:08 | |
a holiday in space... | 0:15:08 | 0:15:10 | |
Whoo! ..without a space suit. | 0:15:10 | 0:15:13 | |
Muhahaha! | 0:15:13 | 0:15:15 | |
Is that what will happen to us? | 0:15:17 | 0:15:19 | |
No, something worse. Don't you get it? | 0:15:19 | 0:15:22 | |
Cash Or Kick Yourself is evil. | 0:15:22 | 0:15:24 | |
-And everyone gets addicted to it. -It's coming to Earth tonight. | 0:15:24 | 0:15:28 | |
-Well, what are we doing here? Let's just leg it. -We can't. | 0:15:28 | 0:15:33 | |
Well, bad luck for Vortron there. | 0:15:35 | 0:15:37 | |
-Blinko, Blinko, Blinko. -But still everything to play for. | 0:15:37 | 0:15:40 | |
Ha-ha-ha! | 0:15:40 | 0:15:42 | |
So, let's meet our new contestant... | 0:15:42 | 0:15:45 | |
and I think it should be our new friend, Rufus. | 0:15:45 | 0:15:49 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:15:49 | 0:15:51 | |
Now, then, Rufus... | 0:15:51 | 0:15:52 | |
Rufus, can you name all 27 planets in the Quorg system? | 0:15:52 | 0:15:59 | |
Um... | 0:15:59 | 0:16:01 | |
Come on, Rufus. The clock is ticking. | 0:16:01 | 0:16:04 | |
Er, it's, um... Nice shirt, by the way. | 0:16:04 | 0:16:08 | |
-Where d'you get that? -Oh, thank you. Had it specially made... | 0:16:08 | 0:16:11 | |
But a-ha-ha-ha! | 0:16:11 | 0:16:13 | |
No more playing for time. I need the answer, Rufus. | 0:16:13 | 0:16:16 | |
Um...the answer is... WATCH BLEEPS | 0:16:16 | 0:16:19 | |
My watch is going weird again. | 0:16:19 | 0:16:22 | |
I need the answer, Rufus. | 0:16:22 | 0:16:24 | |
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! | 0:16:26 | 0:16:29 | |
Keith... Keith... Keith! | 0:16:29 | 0:16:31 | |
Oh, yes, Dr Mu. Yes. It's actually very hot in here, Dr Mu. | 0:16:31 | 0:16:36 | |
-I don't think you realise how hot this suit gets. -Get after him! | 0:16:36 | 0:16:40 | |
Right! Yes, yes, yes. I'm off. OK, bye. Yes, yes, yes, I'm off. | 0:16:40 | 0:16:44 | |
Steve? ...Yes. Track him on the Rufometer. | 0:16:44 | 0:16:47 | |
Activate the teleporter and make sure the Hypnotron is ready. | 0:16:47 | 0:16:51 | |
Steve? Steve... | 0:16:51 | 0:16:54 | |
I know you're listening. | 0:16:54 | 0:16:55 | |
You're not sitting in my chair, are you, Steve? | 0:16:55 | 0:16:58 | |
Get out of my chair immediately! | 0:16:58 | 0:17:01 | |
Ha-ha-ha-ha! Well, let's play some more Cash Or Kick Yourself. | 0:17:01 | 0:17:08 | |
It's Cash Or Kick Yourself. | 0:17:11 | 0:17:13 | |
Humans ain't got a chance. | 0:17:13 | 0:17:15 | |
The TV game show that rots your mind and sends you into a trance. | 0:17:15 | 0:17:20 | |
# Muha-ha-ha-ha, Muha-ha-ha-ha Muha-ha-oh-ha-ha | 0:17:20 | 0:17:24 | |
# Muha-ha-ha-ha Muha-ha-ha-ha, Muha-ha-oh-ha-ha. # | 0:17:26 | 0:17:30 | |
Aaaaah! | 0:17:30 | 0:17:33 | |
Aaaaah! | 0:17:33 | 0:17:35 | |
Aaah... Oh! | 0:17:35 | 0:17:37 | |
RUFUS COUGHS | 0:17:37 | 0:17:39 | |
Ah, well, look who's back! | 0:17:39 | 0:17:42 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:17:42 | 0:17:45 | |
Welcome back, Rufus. | 0:17:45 | 0:17:47 | |
Well, as I'm in a good mood, I won't blast you into space. | 0:17:47 | 0:17:50 | |
No, I can think of a much better way to get rid of you... | 0:17:50 | 0:17:53 | |
when we play our next round! | 0:17:53 | 0:17:56 | |
I've got just one question for you, Rufus. Do you feel lucky? | 0:17:56 | 0:18:02 | |
Er... | 0:18:02 | 0:18:04 | |
Here's how you play. You pick a box. | 0:18:04 | 0:18:07 | |
Each box must be opened. | 0:18:07 | 0:18:09 | |
They all contain something, but one of them contains... | 0:18:09 | 0:18:13 | |
-a golden key! -AUDIENCE: Ooh! | 0:18:13 | 0:18:16 | |
The golden key means you're just one question away from winning... | 0:18:16 | 0:18:21 | |
the top prize! | 0:18:21 | 0:18:24 | |
So, Rufus, | 0:18:24 | 0:18:25 | |
pick a box. | 0:18:25 | 0:18:28 | |
Yeah. All right, then. | 0:18:28 | 0:18:30 | |
Number 6. | 0:18:31 | 0:18:33 | |
Open number 6, please. | 0:18:33 | 0:18:36 | |
SLURP! | 0:18:40 | 0:18:41 | |
-Ha-ha-ha-ha! -SCREAMING | 0:18:45 | 0:18:49 | |
What just happened? | 0:18:49 | 0:18:51 | |
Well, each box contains a different forfeit for the person opening it. | 0:18:51 | 0:18:56 | |
Sorry, did I forget to mention that, Rufus? Muhahaha! | 0:18:56 | 0:18:59 | |
So, each time I pick a box, something horrible happens | 0:18:59 | 0:19:02 | |
-to one of these people? -Mmm. | 0:19:02 | 0:19:04 | |
Well, then, I won't do it. | 0:19:04 | 0:19:05 | |
Oh, I think you will, or I'll set Blinko here on your friends. | 0:19:05 | 0:19:10 | |
Blinko! Blinko, Blinko, Blinko! Blinko, Blinko, Blinko... | 0:19:10 | 0:19:14 | |
Pick again, Rufus. | 0:19:14 | 0:19:16 | |
Fine. | 0:19:16 | 0:19:19 | |
Box number 5. | 0:19:20 | 0:19:23 | |
Open box number 5, please. | 0:19:23 | 0:19:27 | |
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! | 0:19:34 | 0:19:37 | |
Pick again, Rufus. | 0:19:40 | 0:19:42 | |
Box number 1? | 0:19:44 | 0:19:45 | |
-BUZZING -Ah! Ah! | 0:19:48 | 0:19:52 | |
Ha-ha-ha! Oh, please, pick again, Rufus. | 0:19:55 | 0:19:58 | |
Number 2. | 0:20:00 | 0:20:01 | |
Please open box number 2! | 0:20:01 | 0:20:06 | |
MUSIC BLARES # Never gonna give you up | 0:20:09 | 0:20:12 | |
# Never gonna let you down | 0:20:12 | 0:20:14 | |
# Never gonna run around and desert you... # | 0:20:14 | 0:20:18 | |
-You vicious swine! -Yes, well... Ha-ha-ha! | 0:20:18 | 0:20:23 | |
Only two boxes left, Rufus. | 0:20:23 | 0:20:26 | |
Which will it be? | 0:20:28 | 0:20:30 | |
You can't make me pick between my friends. You can't. | 0:20:34 | 0:20:38 | |
-I... -PHONE RINGS | 0:20:38 | 0:20:40 | |
Yes, hello? | 0:20:42 | 0:20:44 | |
Yes... | 0:20:45 | 0:20:47 | |
It's the banker. | 0:20:47 | 0:20:49 | |
Yes, I agree. | 0:20:49 | 0:20:51 | |
Shocking round so far, mm. What's that? | 0:20:51 | 0:20:54 | |
Oh, you'd like to speak to him? | 0:20:54 | 0:20:56 | |
Oh, very well. | 0:20:56 | 0:20:58 | |
Here he is. | 0:20:58 | 0:20:59 | |
Hello, banker. | 0:21:03 | 0:21:05 | |
Rufus, you muppet! | 0:21:05 | 0:21:06 | |
Can you think of any hint I have given you about which box to pick? | 0:21:09 | 0:21:12 | |
The clock's ticking. | 0:21:12 | 0:21:15 | |
-I have to hurry you, Rufus. -Er... | 0:21:15 | 0:21:18 | |
Number 3, you idiot! | 0:21:18 | 0:21:21 | |
-Have to hurry you, Rufus. -I'll have number 3, please. | 0:21:23 | 0:21:27 | |
-AUDIENCE GASP -What?! Rufus! | 0:21:27 | 0:21:30 | |
Trust me. | 0:21:30 | 0:21:32 | |
OK... | 0:21:35 | 0:21:37 | |
Open box number 3... | 0:21:37 | 0:21:42 | |
please. | 0:21:42 | 0:21:44 | |
The key! | 0:21:51 | 0:21:52 | |
I've found the key! The key! | 0:21:52 | 0:21:55 | |
-The key! -What? | 0:21:55 | 0:21:58 | |
What? Go on, have your little bit of excitement. | 0:21:58 | 0:22:03 | |
It's not as if you'll get the trivia question right. | 0:22:03 | 0:22:06 | |
And what makes you so sure of that? | 0:22:06 | 0:22:08 | |
Because I pick them all... | 0:22:08 | 0:22:10 | |
from this book. Muhahaha! | 0:22:10 | 0:22:13 | |
Now, let the final round commence. | 0:22:14 | 0:22:19 | |
-Muhahaha! -APPLAUSE | 0:22:19 | 0:22:21 | |
Thank you. Welcome back to Cash Or Kick Yourself. | 0:22:36 | 0:22:43 | |
And we're here with Rufus, | 0:22:43 | 0:22:44 | |
who's just one question away from the ultimate prize. | 0:22:44 | 0:22:49 | |
So...Rufus, | 0:22:49 | 0:22:52 | |
are you ready for the question? | 0:22:52 | 0:22:54 | |
Not really, no. | 0:22:54 | 0:22:56 | |
DRAMATIC JINGLE | 0:22:56 | 0:22:57 | |
Right. What is the population... | 0:22:57 | 0:23:01 | |
of... | 0:23:01 | 0:23:02 | |
-GIGGLES GLEEFULLY -..Tanzania? | 0:23:02 | 0:23:06 | |
Uh... | 0:23:06 | 0:23:08 | |
-It's 36 million... -36 million... | 0:23:15 | 0:23:18 | |
-..977,000... -..977,000... | 0:23:18 | 0:23:22 | |
-..417. -..417. | 0:23:22 | 0:23:25 | |
Ha-ha-ha-ha! | 0:23:25 | 0:23:26 | |
What... | 0:23:27 | 0:23:29 | |
What did you say? | 0:23:29 | 0:23:31 | |
-36 million... -Yeah. | 0:23:31 | 0:23:33 | |
-..977,000... -Yeah. | 0:23:33 | 0:23:35 | |
-..417. -No. | 0:23:35 | 0:23:38 | |
Th-Th-Th-That's not it. That's wrong. | 0:23:38 | 0:23:40 | |
-That's not it. -Give me that! | 0:23:40 | 0:23:43 | |
-36,977,417. -No, I think that's a mistake... | 0:23:43 | 0:23:46 | |
I've won! I've won the ultimate prize! | 0:23:46 | 0:23:49 | |
Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! | 0:23:49 | 0:23:52 | |
So, come on, let's open the box. | 0:23:54 | 0:23:56 | |
No, we'll have to cut the show there for, I'm afraid, reasons of time. | 0:23:56 | 0:23:59 | |
It's too late for that. Let's see what this ultimate prize really is. | 0:23:59 | 0:24:03 | |
No! Rufus! | 0:24:03 | 0:24:05 | |
Rufus... | 0:24:05 | 0:24:07 | |
-Rufus! -It's underpants. | 0:24:07 | 0:24:09 | |
THEY GASP | 0:24:09 | 0:24:11 | |
Ah, well... Oh, dear. How did that happen? | 0:24:11 | 0:24:15 | |
-I've no idea how that happened. -BOOING | 0:24:15 | 0:24:17 | |
It's clearly a mistake. It's nothing to do with me. It's not my fault! | 0:24:24 | 0:24:28 | |
It's nothing to do with me. Steve, activate the Hypnotron. | 0:24:28 | 0:24:31 | |
Roger. | 0:24:31 | 0:24:33 | |
Blinko, bring on the Hypnotron. Ladies and gentlemen, please. | 0:24:37 | 0:24:41 | |
It's all been a bit of a mistake. | 0:24:41 | 0:24:42 | |
Just look this way. Yes? | 0:24:42 | 0:24:45 | |
Look this way, and all will be fine. | 0:24:45 | 0:24:47 | |
Look into the Hypnotron. That's it. | 0:24:47 | 0:24:50 | |
Muhahaha! | 0:24:50 | 0:24:53 | |
Look into the Hypnotron. Yes. | 0:24:59 | 0:25:01 | |
Yes. Just look this way. Yes. | 0:25:01 | 0:25:05 | |
No! Don't! Don't look at it! It's some sort of mind control device. | 0:25:05 | 0:25:08 | |
Don't look at it! | 0:25:08 | 0:25:10 | |
-Ha-ha-ha! -Don't look at it! | 0:25:10 | 0:25:12 | |
The Earth is mine... | 0:25:14 | 0:25:16 | |
at last. | 0:25:16 | 0:25:18 | |
No! Hound! What have you down to my...? | 0:25:19 | 0:25:24 | |
Yeah! | 0:25:24 | 0:25:25 | |
Come on, Blinko. | 0:25:25 | 0:25:28 | |
Let's get out of here quickly. It's getting ugly. | 0:25:28 | 0:25:31 | |
Well, that game show was wheely pants. | 0:25:31 | 0:25:34 | |
What are these wheely pants? | 0:25:34 | 0:25:36 | |
Trust me, that joke would have worked on Earth. | 0:25:36 | 0:25:38 | |
Still, the most important thing is, we stopped Mu. | 0:25:38 | 0:25:42 | |
That's right. ...Where is Mu? | 0:25:42 | 0:25:44 | |
-He's getting away. -Well, come on, then. | 0:25:44 | 0:25:47 | |
Extraordinary scenes here | 0:25:56 | 0:25:58 | |
in what is being described | 0:25:58 | 0:26:00 | |
as the greatest TV scandal since King Zazu of Planet Bonbangle | 0:26:00 | 0:26:05 | |
laid an egg on public television. | 0:26:05 | 0:26:08 | |
The mood here is one of anger, and I think I speak for us all | 0:26:08 | 0:26:12 | |
-when I say we are as mad as heck... -Boo! | 0:26:12 | 0:26:15 | |
..and we are not going to take this any more. | 0:26:15 | 0:26:18 | |
The origin of this dubious shenanigan remains unclear, | 0:26:18 | 0:26:22 | |
but three mug shots have now been released. | 0:26:22 | 0:26:25 | |
If you see any of these people, do not approach them | 0:26:25 | 0:26:30 | |
as they are suspected of being very, very stupid indeed. | 0:26:30 | 0:26:35 | |
The vote line for what will replace Cash Or Kick Yourself is now closed, | 0:26:35 | 0:26:40 | |
but keep voting and don't worry, | 0:26:40 | 0:26:42 | |
you will definitely still be charged. | 0:26:42 | 0:26:45 | |
Mu... | 0:26:47 | 0:26:48 | |
audiences all over the multiverse are in rebellion. | 0:26:48 | 0:26:51 | |
You've lost...again. | 0:26:51 | 0:26:54 | |
Or have I? | 0:26:54 | 0:26:55 | |
Well, yes. You have. | 0:26:55 | 0:26:57 | |
It's over, Muhaha...ha. | 0:27:01 | 0:27:03 | |
On the contrary, dear boy. | 0:27:03 | 0:27:06 | |
-It's all about to start again. -CLICKS FINGERS | 0:27:06 | 0:27:09 | |
No! | 0:27:11 | 0:27:14 | |
-FAST REWIND -I'm gonna have to hurry you. | 0:27:14 | 0:27:17 | |
-We're gonna stop you, Mu. -It's underpants. | 0:27:17 | 0:27:20 | |
-Rufus, you muppet! -Oh, I love this show. | 0:27:20 | 0:27:24 | |
-Blinko! -Everybody relax. I'm here. | 0:27:25 | 0:27:29 | |
Ah, well. I'm definitely gonna beat him tomorrow. | 0:27:29 | 0:27:33 | |
Or is that today? | 0:27:33 | 0:27:36 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:27:41 | 0:27:44 | |
E-mail [email protected] | 0:27:44 | 0:27:49 |
