Orkney Jedward's Big Adventure

The United Kingdom, land of hope and glory!

Who better to entrust with our nation's heritage than...

Jedward?!

Today, those two, with their hair,

are heading to one of the remotest parts of Britain.

We're on our way to Orkney and we can't wait to rock it.

Look out, Orkney! But who will be today's guest tour guide?

I can't remember anything.

And who will be blown off course?

-Edward, what are you doing?!

-HE CHANTS AND DRUMS

-What?

-Broch.

-Brock?

-Broch!

Our tour-guiding twins go head to head.

Are you guys ready to go on a tour of Orkney?

ALL: Yeah!

Yeah! It's Jedward's Big Adventure.

# Come with us There's so much to discover

# Crazy events with me and my brother

# We'll dig out things that will freak you out

# Jedward's Big Adventure

# We'll be your tour guide There's so much to do

# There's a whole planet out there and it's just for you

# You'll never know what you'll find It will mess with your mind

# It's a hair raiser, trail blazer Totally Wild

# This is Jedward's Big Adventure! #

The Orkney Islands, off the coast of northern Scotland.

They may be small, they may be freezing,

but they're jam-packed with ancient history.

The Vikings have been here,

the ancient Celts have been here

and Neolithic Man has been here.

And, for two fun-packed days,

JEDWARD are here!

We're here, Edward!

Orkney!

Land of the Orks!

Orks?! What Orks?

Orks? This isn't Lord of the Rings!

-It's our mission.

-See what it says.

"Dear Jedward, welcome to Orkney.

"In just 24 hours' time, you will each have to give a group of tourists a guided tour around the island.

"The winner gets their own firelit beach party,

"whilst the loser endures a traditional Orkney ceremony,

"where they're soaked in treacle

"and bombarded by corn flakes and flour."

This is crazy!

-Eurgh!

-Oh, I don't want that.

-I think we're going to need help.

-You're right, Edward.

Hey, look over there!

It's Barney Harwood and Sonali Shah! Guys, get over here!

We need your help!

Barney, Sonali, come on!

-Hello.

-What do you guys know about Orkney?

I think it's close to the North Pole. It's freezing.

-What do YOU know?

-I know there are no Orks here.

From what you guys have told us, I think we need find out more information about Orkney

from the experts. So you guys relax while we go get the facts! Come on, let's get out of here! Grrrrr!

Oh, dear!

-Worried?

-I'm a little nervous, yeah.

Yes, Barney, I think you need to be.

So Barney will be helping John and Sonali will be on Team Edward.

Each team will be given three stories

which the tourists will be tested on.

WIND BLASTS

Really windy.

Very, very windy.

And I don't mean to pile on the pressure, Sonali,

but Edward really needs your help,

as he's currently losing the series 4-0 to John

and this is his last chance to redeem himself.

Will it be success at last for Edward?

Well, he'd better listen carefully to our first expert, Lisa.

Hello, Lisa!

Lisa's going to tell them all about the ancient burial tomb, Maeshowe.

Boys, come on. We go through a long passageway.

Watch your hair!

Wow, this is so low!

Oh, it's amazing.

I did not expect this.

Maeshowe is a massive chamber tomb,

probably used for the communal burial of local people.

Neolithic Orcadians removed the flesh from the bones

and arranged them in cells within the tomb.

The living could access them perhaps at certain times of the year,

when they gathered to remember their ancestors.

Dead bodies were dealt with very differently long ago.

They laid them out and animals and birds were able to de-flesh them,

as it was only dry bones that they took into here.

-And these were put right into the chambers.

-Ohhh!

-So sick.

-You're saying that bones were buried here, not actual bodies?

It was just the bones they took into here.

This passageway is built

so that as the sun sets on the shortest day of the year,

round about 21st December,

when the light comes in here, it glows an orange colour.

But think about how magical that must have been.

Lisa has a second story to tell the boys.

We have what's called runic writing on the walls.

-Wow!

-These are Viking doodles,

and this Viking is saying he is carving with an axe

and he's a very skilled writer of runes.

These look like little trees, don't they?

How to find out what these letters are,

you count the branches on the one side

to find out which part of the alphabet to refer to,

then you count the branches on the other side for the specific letter.

So it's basic code-breaking.

I'm not going to be using the basic alphabet any more,

I'm going to be using this amazing runic writing.

Well, let's hope you won't be speaking in code

when you show the tourists around tomorrow, John.

You won't want to lose

and face a horrible Orkney tradition

-which we'll reveal later.

-HE LAUGHS EVILLY

Yeah, it's horrible.

Better keep listening carefully then, boys.

Here's the next expert, Fiona. Hello!

She's braved the wind to meet you at Orkney's most famous landmark.

-What is this place?

-This place is Scara Brae.

-Is it some sort of town?

-It is, it's lots of houses. It's a village.

Scara Brae was first discovered after a storm event in 1850.

It shows us what life was like in a Neolithic village.

Stone Age families lived there over 5,000 years ago,

and for centuries these people enjoyed a good life of farming,

hunting, fishing and making jewellery and pottery.

-At the time would it have been this windy?

-Very much so, Edward.

-How did they go to toilet?

-They do have a drainage system

and there's little side drains that go off into corner bits that might be toilets.

Wait a second, I thought the Romans started the whole toilet thing.

Oh, they're just the new boys. This is how far down it goes.

Whoa!

-So it shows you that they were thinking and planning.

-Back then,

were people very small, like Oompa Loompas?

No, they were about my height,

but if you look at the entrance, that is really low,

so people had to get down like this.

Once they got in the house they could stand up straight.

Fiona, where's John?

Waaaaaahhhh!

Fiona, you told us lots of interesting facts. What can you remember, Edward?

I can't remember anything.

Oh, dear! It's not looking good for Edward. Come on, Edward,

you need to win this time!

-Edward, where are we?

-We're here in a field with really big rocks.

Let's see if he'll listen more carefully to the next expert, Amy.

Here she is!

I'm going to introduce you to this beautiful landscape,

one of the most important archaeological landscapes in Scotland,

if not the world.

Amazing!

The Ring of Brodgar is a Neolithic stone circle.

No-one knows for sure how old it is,

but a good guess suggests somewhere around 2500-2000BC.

The stones, along with the massive ditch

would have taken a lot of people to quarry and build.

Around it are at least 13 prehistoric burial mounds,

which suggests that this was a very special place

for the prehistoric inhabitants of Orkney.

For an awful long time, hundreds of years, probably,

stones were added or taken away or moved around,

and so we think probably about 60 stones altogether

may have been here at one stage.

My favourite story about these stones

is these were a group of giants and they were dancing through the night, getting carried away with the music.

They didn't realise the sun was coming up

and the sun turned them all to stone.

-Why do you think this place was built?

-There's good evidence to suggest

that this monument is to do with communicating with the ancestors, with the dead.

Whooo! Spooky!

Do you think me and Edward's hair resembles the stones?

I'm so impressed. I thought it would be at an angle today. It's so windy.

Come on, Amy, let's get out of here before our hair gets ruined.

Jedward, a bad hair day? Never!

So the boys are more than halfway through their first day in Orkney

and so far they've learned all about Neolithic life and death at Scara Brae and Maeshowe,

Viking graffiti, or runes,

and the ancient Ring of Brodgar.

But will they remember it all in time for their tour tomorrow,

or will those facts be gone with the wind?

Time will tell, but first they have more to investigate.

Next up, it's the Broch of Gurness

and with all the facts, it's Josie.

She knows it!

This is the Iron Age Broch of Gurness.

-Bro...

-Broch.

-Bro...

-Broch!

-Gurner.

-Gurness!

-Garness.

-Gurness!

-Broch of Garness.

-Broch of GURNESS!

OK, great, OK.

Glad we got that clear!

Brochs are unique to Scotland.

The Broch of Gurness is thought to be a defensive tower

that was surrounded by an Iron Age settlement

built somewhere between 500-200BC.

The Broch would have been home to a wealthy and powerful chieftain.

The Vikings reused the site for a burial in the 9th century.

Let's go see it!

Run!

Lead the way! Come on, Josie!

Hurry up, you three, it looks so cold!

Here we are, boys.

-Whoa!

-Whoa!

This is actually where it all happens!

Josie, what can you tell us about this building?

-Do you know what this is?

-Is it a foot spa that you put your feet in

and you sit like this and someone cleans your feet?

Could've been a spa, but one of the most exciting things it could be

is they would heat a hot stone in the fire,

and then they would put it in the cold water,

and poach their fish or cook their meat.

There would have been two floors

and there'd be steps up here.

Josie, what is this?

This is the mysterious well.

-What if it was a dungeon?

-It could've been, for all we know.

What if they locked me and John in there?

That's an idea!

Yeah, it's tempting!

But we're not allowed to.

And who'd guide the tourists around tomorrow?

Well, time's up at the Broch of Gurness.

The day is drawing to a close,

but the boys have time for one more stop on their tour of Orkney.

And here are their next experts.

Oh, Vikings! Hello...

This time they've headed for the beach and... Oh, um...

they seem to have grown some moustaches for the occasion.

Don't ask why. Your guess is as good as mine.

Blimey, what's going on?

Are you guys Vikings?

-We are Vikings!

-Why did the Vikings come to Orkney?

To control the trade routes, to control the shipping

and to make lots and lots of lovely silver!

According to surveys, Vikings were raiding Orkney in the 11th century,

though it is not known when they first settled in Orkney.

We know the Vikings were raiding monastic sites elsewhere in Britain

as late as the 8th century, because monks recorded these attacks.

As Orkney is close to Scandinavia,

it is likely they were present here at this time too.

In the 13th century, Orkney was part of Norway

and many of today's Orcadians are descendants of the Vikings.

And what type of tactics did you guys use to take over countries?

We introduced close-packed formations,

where shields were interlocked.

-Hit the shields!

-Run into the shield!

GRUNTING

Oh, that was pathetic, boys.

Now, every good Viking needed a good Viking wife.

You're showing us stuff they would have done back then.

I would cook and run the household and I would organise the farm.

At the moment, I'm doing some tablet reading.

-Could women fight if they wanted to?

-They wouldn't fight in the battles,

but I can handle a sword and a bow if I have to.

That's amazing.

Watch out, boys. Go and learn those facts or she'll be after you!

End of day one at Orkney.

The winner tomorrow will get a bonfire party on the beach

and the loser will face an unpleasant Orcadian tradition

which involves being covered in treacle, flour and...corn flakes?!

Oh, no...!

Yeah, sticky.

Can Edward finally avoid this fate?

I can't remember anything.

You'd better try, Edward,

because it's getting dark.

Time to head back to Jedward HQ to catch up with their team-mates

and prepare for tomorrow's tour.

And for some reason they're all talking about soup.

Moso...

Me.. Meso...

-Meso.

-Miso soup?

-No, it wasn't miso soup.

That's what I thought when she told me.

The bora something...

-The bo...

-It's like a soup?

-It's a broth.

-Bro...

Oh, dear.

So we're doing something about Vikings.

I'll have to remember stuff I learned at school cos you haven't told me that much.

Wanna jump on the bed?

That's what they did back then - they went to Maeshowe, got loads of crazy bones, threw them in.

We've got to explain what it was like back then.

-So that's a coffin?

-No, this is a box.

-Are we going to win this?

-Yes, we are!

-High-five!

Hm... Less jumping no the bed and more sleeping IN the bed, teams,

I think, if you want to give good tours tomorrow.

COCK CROWS

Morning! And it's a cold one.

Our would-be tour guides are complaining already.

So we're here and John's heating himself up with the heater.

Guys, you don't realise how cold it is here. It's like Antarctica.

7am, and the puzzled tourists are on their way.

I'm really excited and I hope today's going to be fun, cos I don't know what's going to happen.

I'd like my tour guide to be young and nice and funny.

If our tour guide is like a teacher, I'll be really annoyed because it'll be really boring.

I agree.

Good. That's settled then.

They need to be young and not boring.

Well, we can't promise you the world's best tour guides,

but they are young

and they're definitely not boring.

Who'd have thought an ancient burial mound

-would make such a good hiding place?

-Get your hair down!

Hair down! Big giveaway.

"Nervous" would be a good word this morning.

Edward just wanted to jump on the bed, which is great fun,

but not great prep for being a tour guide.

I know, so far, that there's lots of stones, there's lots of wind

and, um, there was a skull here in history at some point.

And so I think they're going to go away knowing loads.

You reckon?

I don't know anything.

Oh, dear. Oh, well, time to run down a big hill!

THEY YELL AND WHOOP

Mind you don't fall...

Too late.

Hi, guys!

I'm John, he's Edward.

-Together we are...

-ALL: Jedward!

Did you like our entrance? We totally fell!

THEY LAUGH

We need a celebrity guest,

so give it up for Barney Harwood and Sonali Shah!

Such an elegant entrance!

She's Sonali and I'm Edward, and together we are Ednali!

I'm John, that's Barney, and together we are Jarney!

Are you guys ready to go on a tour or Orkney?

-ALL: Yeah!

-Right, let's get outta here!

I'm really, really excited

that Jedward are our tour guides. It's going to be an awesome day.

It was really exciting when they ran down the mountain so we knew who it was.

It's Team Jarney up first, with the story of Maeshowe.

All right, guys, OK. Maeshowe is an ancient burial mound

cos it was built to bury old, dead boned bodies.

-No, that's wrong.

-Yes, it is. Try again.

Because they wanted to build...

Oh, get it together!

Because they wanted to bury dead bodies here at this burial mound.

No, bones! Just bones, John!

-That's right.

-No, it's NOT!

Me and Barney are going to demonstrate a Neolithic funeral.

Back then they did not just bury the dead bodies,

they used to rip off all the flesh off the bodies,

resulting in crazy...eurgh!

Uncle Jim's dead flesh.

They didn't rip the flesh off, they left the bodies for the birds.

They put the dead bodies in the tomb and said their goodbyes.

-Who wants to go inside?

-Me!

-Me!

These are the burial chambers, where the people used to pay tribute to their ancestors.

The passage we came down is set out to face the sunset on the shortest day of the year.

Who wants to recreate that special moment on the shortest day of the year?

ALL: Yeah!

OK, this is the mirror, and we're now going to angle it on the sun

and reflect it all the way down the passage.

Is it a bird, is it a plane,

is it a Neolithic man?

No, it's a pair of bunny ears. Well, that's enough messing around.

Good effort there from John and Barney,

but did they get the facts across to the tourists?

Or was it all just rabbit, rabbit, rabbit?

We'll find out later on, but can Sonali and Edward get off to a good start, too?

They're telling the story of Maeshowe's Viking graffiti.

The Vikings came and they wanted to tell the rest of the world they were here.

They signed their names here. You know the alphabet?

ALL: Yeah. Want to sing it?

# A, B, C, D, E, F... #

Wrong alphabet, Edward!

You're meant to be talking about the runic alphabet.

At the time, they didn't have that alphabet.

Thank goodness!

They had something that was called ruins.

RUNES, man, RUNES!

Get it right or it'll be your hope of winning that'll be in ruins!

This type of ruin is called twig ruins.

See the lines that look like trees?

It's like text messages on stone walls, cos mobile phones weren't around then.

They were writing about treasure, sometimes about girls, who was pretty, kind of thing.

What would you write? I'd write, "Hey, this is Edward.

"Here's my number, so call me maybe."

THEY LAUGH

We can't write on the walls, but let's still make a rune.

Who wants to make a rune? Let's go!

What are they spelling? Um...

"Team Edward to win"?

Oh, very clever.

John and Barney may have something to say about that.

They're next, at Scara Brae.

Welcome to Scara Brae,

a Stone Age village from the Neolithic era,

covered in sand for 5,000 years and discovered in 1850.

Please welcome a good friend of mine, John.

Me Stone Age man. No speak English!

So I'm going to translate for him.

Oooh oooh! Waaaagh! Eaaaagh!

So John, the Stone Age man, lived here with his family.

What did you do for a living?

-Moooo!

-There's a cow there.

-Baaaaa!

-These are farmyard animals.

-John's a farmer.

Ears. Jewellery?

They also made jewellery here.

HE GRUNTS AND STRAINS

ALL LAUGH

I think we're now talking about... He ate a lot of meat and it had certain consequences.

I'm guessing. You might think the way John's playing this is daft.

They were actually very intelligent.

They had drainage systems before the Romans thought about it

and the village they built lasted 600 years.

-Want to go and see it?

-ALL: Yeah!

Aha! The story of Scara Brae told by John and Barney

in their own unique way.

-I really enjoyed the tour of Scara Brae.

-I enjoyed John dressed up as a caveman. It was really funny.

But was all the clowning around a distraction for the tourists?

Will they remember all the facts about Scara Brae and life in a Neolithic village,

or will the sight of John pretending to go to the toilet

be all that lingers in their memory?

HE GRUNTS AND FARTS

For the tourists' sake, I hope not.

We'll soon find out when they take the big test later.

But for now, on with the tour.

Next stop for Edward and Sonali, it's the Ring of Brodgar.

-What are you wearing?

-Are you sure about this?

Of course I'm sure! I've seen it in the movies.

Lord of the Rings! Gandalf!

I'm not sure he was a Neolithic priest. I'm not sure this is right.

Maybe they won't notice it's wrong.

Welcome to a sacred place...

full of ancient stones.

-Built...

-THEY LAUGH

Can I see that again, please?

Ha ha, love it!

In your face!

So, as you were saying?

Built in Neolithic times, without the help of modern technology...

MOBILE PHONE RINGS Yo, Mammy, what's up, yeah? Some place called Bognor.

ALL LAUGH

-Brodgar! The Ring of Brodgar!

-Ring of Brodgar, Mammy.

Give me that.

Hi, Mummy Jedward. Can he call you back?

I want you guys to close your eyes,

take yourselves back to a time that was calmer,

-simpler, quieter.

-HE BEATS DRUM

Edward, what are you doing?!

-LOUD CHANTING AND DRUMMING

-You're going to wake the dead!

That's what I'm trying to do, wake up the dead!

Who wants to wake up the dead with me?

-ALL: Yeah!

-Let's all go for it.

-Aya pacha! Aya pacha!

-Aya pacha! Aya pacha!

CHANTING AND DRUMMING

We're going to wake the dead!

Aya pacha! Aya... Sorry, I was enjoying that.

Trying to wake the dead is more fun than you'd think!

Next, John and Barney are at the Broch of Gurness for a special edition of Iron Age Cribs.

Welcome! I am John and this is the Broch of Gurness,

a place for a wealthy and powerful chieftain,

-who goes by the name of...

-MC Iron Age. How's it goin'?

This is m'crib, yeah?

Massive!

That is my hearth, yeah? That's where the fire was, yeah?

We was there one night, yeah, thinkin' of names for bands

and we were rolling stones

and we thought, "Hey, that's a great name," and we came up with McFly.

You've got an amazing roof!

That's me skylight I had put in, yeah?

That was, like, the first floor, yeah?

This is where I cooked me fish, yeah? A well hot cooker, that.

Also I built my own little village for my homies to live.

You is well gonna love this. I had it made for me friends.

They's on tour, yeah? That is all me houses and this is a street, yeah?

I got to do a video call with me mate.

50 Pence, he's my favourite rapper, yeah?

-So if you could all get off my land?

-Charming!

We're off to the beach anyway!

-Where's Edward?

-At the start of the 9th century AD,

there were some new visitors to this island.

-ROOOOAAARRRR!

-What are you doing?

I'm a Viking! Grrrr!

I hate to break it to you when you've made such an effort,

-but Vikings didn't have helmets with horns like this.

-Oh.

ROOOOAAAAARRR!

I'm a blood-thirsty Viking and I'm here to take all your gold

and take all your family and go back home!

Ha ha ha!

That's not quite how it went down.

They were really violent when they first came here.

Then they decided they really liked it here and decided to settle down and start families and stuff.

Hm, so no helmets, not always blood-thirsty. Let's try again.

RRRRROOOOOAAAAAR!

I'm a blood-thirsty Viking

and I'm going to settle down and have families and have friends!

That didn't sound very Viking-y.

I thought I killed people and went crazy. I didn't know they were civilised.

-They're kind of pathetic.

-Who are you calling pathetic?!

You, you bunch of softies!

Softies?!

Oops.

Oh, crumbs!

That'll teach you not to upset a Viking, Edward.

Loads of descendants of Vikings still live here

and don't anger those descendants, cos they can run fast.

AAAAAAARRRGH!

Poor Edward.

Well, that's it. That's all the tours over

and, as the sun sets on the Broch of Gurness, it's time for the tourists to take the big test.

They'll be asked two questions on each of the stories.

For each correct answer, there's a point for the team

that told that story, and the team with the most points will win.

-Did we get the facts across?

-Yeah, we totally did!

-We did this, OK? We did this!

-I think...

-We did this!

You did an amazing job.

I'm really proud of you.

Come in for a Jed-hug. Come here, come here. Bring it in.

Oh, thank you.

-Can you hear those waves?

-I can.

-Those waves are clapping for us right now

-cos we did such a good job.

-Do you think we won?

-I think we won.

So both teams are confident then,

but are they right to be so sure of themselves?

How much will they remember about Vikings?

RRROOOAAAARRRR!

Will they recall what Maeshowe was used for?

These are the burial chambers.

And how much will come back to them about Scara Brae?

HE GRUNTS AND FARTS

Not that bit, I hope.

I really want Barney and John to win cos they're really funny.

I really want Edward to win

cos he made me laugh the most and they were really funny.

I think they're both great and they're both good fun.

So far, John has won every single show in the series,

but can Edward finally stop it being a total whitewash

and prove that he too has what it takes to be a tour guide?

The sun has set

and night has fallen on Orkney.

No-one's going to bed

until we find out who's won the final big adventure this series.

Amy is back with the all-important results.

Go on, Amy, the suspense is killing me!

So here we are at the end of Jedward's Big Adventure in Orkney.

It's time to find out who are the winners

and who are the losers.

Edward and Sonali's team, 54 points.

That's really good.

John and Barney...

..22 points.

EDWARD AND SONALI CHEER

Edward's done it at last!

Well done, Team Edward!

BOTH: We won!

You lost!

L-O-S-E...

L-O-S-E-D...

L-O-S-T-E-D...

Oh, dear. You might finally be a good tour guide, Edward,

but your spelling's rubbish!

Get ready for that treacle, Team Jarney.

How are they going to cover us in treacle if we're running?

Come back, you cowards!

Get back here!

Don't worry, Amy, you tried your best.

Go for it, Edward. Sweet revenge at last.

Sweet - get it? No? Oh, well.

-Let's get on with this ancient Orcadian tradition.

-Ohhh!

Eurgh!

It feels so...loser-ish.

Aaagh!

It's normally done to a groom before his wedding

and no-one's sure of its origin, but it's definitely mean.

-Eurgh!

-And fun!

-I feel like a cake.

-We've created modern art here.

-We won!

-CHEERING

Victory party!

Guys!

-Edward!

-It's not funny!

I woke up this morning, did the tour, rocked it, won. This is the life.

Our arms are tied together.

Let's sing a campfire song. One, two, three!

# Come with us, there's so much to discover

# A crazy adventure with me and my brother

# We'll dig up things that will freak you out

# Cos this is Jedward's Big Adventure! #

ALL CHEER