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-Hot dogs for everyone!
-One ketchup packet!
May I trouble you for a ketchup packet?
Can I have a ketchup packet too, please?
Gimme a ketchup now!
It's like they sell everything here!
Toenail clipper sharpeners, used aluminium foil flatteners, ah!
Even a clown nose polishing department!
But do they have a revenge on noisy neighbourhood kids department? No!
HEAVY METAL BLARES
HE SHOUTS: I...can't...even...
hear...myself...mua-ha-ha-ha... any more.
Yep! You've found it, savvy shoppers -
the accordion department's end-of-the-week clearance sale!
OK, you twisted my arm!
Go ahead, take this snappy new Squeezemaster 3,000
out for a test polka.
Oh! Accordions are for dweebs! We're looking...
< ACCORDION PLAYS
Red Menace, since when do you play the accordion?
I don't know...
It's like I'm squeezing my soul out!
Your soul stinks!
Nah, it's just no-one likes accordion music.
Uh...I mean, I'm sure somebody...does.
HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
We'll take it!
I have a plan...
Hey! Take five!
HEAVY METAL BLARES
THEY SHRIEK IN PAIN
Dude! Make it stop!
Accordion - 1, Future Hearing-Impaired Teens - 0.
Ah! That's it!
With my just thought-up design for a mega-hybrid, squeeze-box doom
complete with satellite link,
we can annoy the world into submission
using POLKA POWER!
Er...heh, sure, sure, knock yourself out, Frog.
But I'VE got a truly diabolical plan to use Red's talent!
CHILD LAUGHS IN GLEE
Ack! Ow! Ah!
Boy, using music for evil can really fill up an afternoon.
Behold! The Apolkalypse 3,000!
World domination is but a folk tune away.
Okie-doka, here comes a polka!
HE PLAYS "Morning" by Edvard Grieg
I just need to...
..make a few minor adjustments.
PARTS CRASH AND CACOPHONY OF NOTES
Soon, the checkerboard will be ours!
One park-clearing polka coming up!
But it sure would be nice
if just once my music didn't make the audience run away screaming.
HE PLAYS AN UPBEAT POLKA
Hey, they're moving, but not away from me.
They must like my music!
And I just remembered something...
You've got star quality, kid!
Either that, or my hearing aid's on the fritz again.
Me? A star?
Howard Geisler, ex-agent to yesterday's has-beens. Stick with me
and you'll be playing bigger stages than the checker table.
-Like the bowling alley and the bus station?
-Slow down, big dreamer.
First we got to make a few minor changes.
I'm proud of you, kid!
You've come a long way since we first met way back when.
You mean last Tuesday?
Uh, if you say so.
I came up with a new name for you, too.
Well, what's wrong with Red Menace?
Red Menace, peh!
It's not as va-va-voom as...
Hi, everybody, I'm home.
It's about time.
And - action!
Red...Minacci here, asking all my fans to buy my official t-shirt
from the fine folks at Voltar Co?
Anyway, I'm real sorry I haven't been around the lair much lately,
but I want you guys to know I'm still part of the team.
The bigger star you become, the better for us!
And how else am I going to move all this Voltar Co junk!
I mean, quality merchandise.
Like this official Red Minacci bobblehead.
And I can complete my grand plan for world domination.
My Apolkalypse 3,000 is perfected.
DING! DING! DING!
THEY SCREAM IN PAIN
Get your official Red Minacci memorabilia right here!
Eh, take it up with our complaint department.
I'm really glad my stardom is helping LOSE do...
whatever it is we're doing.
Anything for the team, right?
Look, just play your normal achy-breaky headache-makey show
and the Apolkalypse 3,000 will do the rest!
Roadie person, clear out Red's dressing room!
His groupies are eating the shrimp!
I happen to be a mad but brilliant scientist,
not just some showbiz lackey.
Do you want to be invited to the after party?
The things I do for free cheese squares and pickled herring.
Kid, if this gig goes buffo,
you're a slam-dunk to headline the Polkapalooza tour.
That's the dream of a lifetime! Well, at least the last two weeks.
With all that time on the road, you'll have to give up your day job.
You mean, leave the League Of Super Evil?
Those two clowns and that weird pet you hang out with?
Boohoo, I cry. You're on in five minutes!
Old ladies and gentlemen, get ready to give it up...
er, at least sit up, for the one, the only,
the Pied Piper of Polka, the Liberace of Karachi,
CROWD CHEERS WEAKLY
I'm sorry but I think I've lost the will to squeeze.
I still love making music, but, if it's a choice between polka stardom
and leaving my best friends behind, well...
So much unsold junk...
I mean, quality collectables, 90% off!
HEAVY METAL BLARES
This is all your fault, Red! Goodbye, world domination!
And hello, noisy neighbours!
How could you make such an idiotic choice?
I realised friendship is more important
than playing the accordion. But I think that I can express myself
even better with my latest musical passion.
The pipes, they are a-calling!
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
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