Browse content similar to Can Father Christmas Star in Our Nativity Play?. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
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'Lo! What do you want? | 0:00:05 | 0:00:07 | |
Oh, innkeeper! | 0:00:07 | 0:00:09 | |
My wife Mary is fat with child, | 0:00:09 | 0:00:13 | |
so I've lugged her all the way from Bethlehem on this rocking donkey. | 0:00:13 | 0:00:16 | |
Let us into your inn, oh, innkeeper? | 0:00:16 | 0:00:21 | |
The only rooms we have left, sir, are our king-size Park View Suites. | 0:00:21 | 0:00:26 | |
-They're eight grand a night. -Sire, I am but a lowly... | 0:00:26 | 0:00:30 | |
-How much!? -Stop the rehearsal! | 0:00:30 | 0:00:32 | |
Roger, I've told you already. | 0:00:32 | 0:00:34 | |
-Stick to the script! -Come on! | 0:00:34 | 0:00:36 | |
This material feels like it's 2,000 years old. It needs updating. | 0:00:36 | 0:00:40 | |
Yeah! Instead of a donkey, could I ride into Bethlehem on a speedboat? | 0:00:40 | 0:00:44 | |
No! No! And whatever he's about to say, no! | 0:00:44 | 0:00:47 | |
It's the Bible! It doesn't need updating! | 0:00:47 | 0:00:50 | |
I know exactly what this play needs! | 0:00:50 | 0:00:53 | |
It needs tradition, like the classic productions! | 0:00:53 | 0:00:56 | |
Who can forget St Andrew's Primary School Nativity 1981? | 0:00:56 | 0:01:00 | |
It was full of seminal moments like when the angel wandered off | 0:01:00 | 0:01:04 | |
into the audience to find their mummy | 0:01:04 | 0:01:06 | |
cos their halo was too itchy. | 0:01:06 | 0:01:08 | |
I want moments like that throughout this show. | 0:01:08 | 0:01:13 | |
HORN | 0:01:13 | 0:01:15 | |
I, Little Howard, have come up with another | 0:01:15 | 0:01:18 | |
of my big questions! | 0:01:18 | 0:01:19 | |
How can I get Father Christmas to star in our Nativity play? | 0:01:19 | 0:01:23 | |
Come on, people! No-one's supposed to put their head through | 0:01:23 | 0:01:27 | |
the stable door until act two! | 0:01:27 | 0:01:29 | |
Read your scripts! | 0:01:29 | 0:01:31 | |
# I love monkeys, I love monkeys | 0:01:33 | 0:01:36 | |
# All those happy, little chirpy, little monkeys | 0:01:36 | 0:01:40 | |
# With their tails and their bananas | 0:01:40 | 0:01:42 | |
# I think that if we all were monkeys | 0:01:42 | 0:01:44 | |
# We'd have happier mananas | 0:01:44 | 0:01:46 | |
# Give me monkeys lots of monkeys | 0:01:46 | 0:01:49 | |
# For you know that it's the monkeys I adore | 0:01:49 | 0:01:52 | |
# If my love said that she did not love those monkeys | 0:01:52 | 0:01:56 | |
# I wouldn't love her any more! # Thank you very much! | 0:01:56 | 0:02:00 | |
We might have overdone it with the sleigh bells. | 0:02:02 | 0:02:05 | |
It's a Christmas special! It's not possible to overdo the sleigh bells. | 0:02:05 | 0:02:10 | |
Suppose so. | 0:02:10 | 0:02:12 | |
That wasn't the sleigh bells, | 0:02:14 | 0:02:15 | |
he's eaten too many mince pies. | 0:02:15 | 0:02:17 | |
There are mince pies? Ho-ho-ho! | 0:02:17 | 0:02:20 | |
Don't get me wrong, I like the ending where we all sing | 0:02:20 | 0:02:24 | |
Away In A Manger and the star falls on the shepherd's head. | 0:02:24 | 0:02:27 | |
But imagine how much more impact it would have if, | 0:02:27 | 0:02:31 | |
while we were singing it, | 0:02:31 | 0:02:32 | |
Father Christmas smashed through the wall, shouted, | 0:02:32 | 0:02:35 | |
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" and wished us all a very merry Christmas! | 0:02:35 | 0:02:38 | |
That's not what happens in a traditional Nativity play! | 0:02:38 | 0:02:42 | |
And where's the true meaning of Christmas? Hmm? | 0:02:42 | 0:02:44 | |
Exactly! Where's the true meaning of Christmas? | 0:02:44 | 0:02:47 | |
Getting loads of presents. | 0:02:47 | 0:02:49 | |
Precisely! Getting loads... | 0:02:49 | 0:02:50 | |
Getting presents isn't the meaning of Christmas. | 0:02:50 | 0:02:53 | |
Getting loads and loads of gift vouchers? | 0:02:53 | 0:02:57 | |
The true meaning of Christmas is Jesus's message that we should | 0:02:57 | 0:03:01 | |
all be nice to each other and... | 0:03:01 | 0:03:05 | |
Er, overeating. | 0:03:05 | 0:03:07 | |
Right, it's a done deal. | 0:03:07 | 0:03:09 | |
I've just ordered 1,000 posters and got every TV executive | 0:03:09 | 0:03:12 | |
and theatre booker in town to come to what I... | 0:03:12 | 0:03:15 | |
I mean we, are now calling | 0:03:15 | 0:03:17 | |
Santa Goes To Bethlehem: The Nativity II - Redux. | 0:03:17 | 0:03:22 | |
What does redux mean? | 0:03:22 | 0:03:24 | |
No-one knows, it just sounds good. | 0:03:24 | 0:03:26 | |
If we get Santa on board, | 0:03:26 | 0:03:28 | |
we can transfer to any theatre in the West End and get a TV deal. | 0:03:28 | 0:03:34 | |
-Directed by Bog Howard? -What do you expect? | 0:03:34 | 0:03:38 | |
-I got it designed, set and printed in two minutes! -Brilliant! | 0:03:38 | 0:03:41 | |
All we need to do is find Father Christmas and convince him to sign. | 0:03:41 | 0:03:45 | |
Hello, my good elf. We need to see Father Christmas. | 0:03:49 | 0:03:52 | |
Oh, you do, do you? | 0:03:52 | 0:03:54 | |
Well, you'll have to join the queue like everyone else. | 0:03:54 | 0:03:57 | |
But there isn't a queue. | 0:03:57 | 0:03:58 | |
There's no-one at the front, everyone's at the back. | 0:03:58 | 0:04:01 | |
It's about a mile in that direction. | 0:04:01 | 0:04:03 | |
I just want to see if he'd be in our Nativity play tomorrow night. | 0:04:03 | 0:04:07 | |
Tomorrow night!? | 0:04:07 | 0:04:08 | |
That's Christmas Eve! | 0:04:08 | 0:04:10 | |
Or E-Day, as we call it in the Chrimbo biz. He's got to deliver | 0:04:10 | 0:04:14 | |
all the presents in the world! | 0:04:14 | 0:04:15 | |
Any idea how long that takes? | 0:04:15 | 0:04:17 | |
And Blitzen's got 'ooping cough. | 0:04:17 | 0:04:19 | |
I just want to ask him... | 0:04:19 | 0:04:21 | |
Well, he's not here! | 0:04:21 | 0:04:23 | |
Eight kids have been sick in his beard this morning, | 0:04:23 | 0:04:25 | |
he's had to take his hat to the cleaners. | 0:04:25 | 0:04:27 | |
-But if we could just... -No! | 0:04:27 | 0:04:29 | |
Go on, get out of it! Scram! Hop it! | 0:04:29 | 0:04:31 | |
You flippin' kids. | 0:04:31 | 0:04:33 | |
Oh, and merry Christmas! | 0:04:33 | 0:04:36 | |
Come on, focus, focus, focus. | 0:04:39 | 0:04:42 | |
Eyes on me. | 0:04:42 | 0:04:44 | |
It turns out, surprise, surprise, that Father Christmas is too busy | 0:04:44 | 0:04:49 | |
to be in our Nativity play on Christmas Eve. | 0:04:49 | 0:04:52 | |
So we're going back to my traditional version of the tale. | 0:04:52 | 0:04:55 | |
I'd like to go from the top of scene four. | 0:04:55 | 0:04:58 | |
Positions, please! | 0:04:58 | 0:05:01 | |
Right. If Father Christmas won't sign, | 0:05:01 | 0:05:04 | |
I'll have to find a way to persuade him. | 0:05:04 | 0:05:07 | |
No more Mr Nice Pigeon! | 0:05:07 | 0:05:09 | |
Who's Mr Nice Pigeon? | 0:05:09 | 0:05:11 | |
How am I going to get Father Christmas to star | 0:05:11 | 0:05:14 | |
in our Nativity play? | 0:05:14 | 0:05:15 | |
Well, I'm conducting a letter writing campaign to him | 0:05:15 | 0:05:18 | |
-and you could write, too. -What are you asking him for? | 0:05:18 | 0:05:21 | |
I'm asking for a lot of dollies this Christmas. | 0:05:21 | 0:05:24 | |
And ponies, and pink shoes with twinkles on, | 0:05:24 | 0:05:26 | |
and book of sumo wrestling moves. | 0:05:26 | 0:05:28 | |
-What? -I'm putting it all in writing, | 0:05:28 | 0:05:30 | |
so Father Christmas doesn't forget anything. | 0:05:30 | 0:05:33 | |
Not one single thing! Look. | 0:05:33 | 0:05:35 | |
Um... That's... | 0:05:35 | 0:05:38 | |
Lovely. | 0:05:38 | 0:05:40 | |
Focus, focus! Where's our Joseph | 0:05:40 | 0:05:43 | |
and why's that innkeeper got a screen and a projector?! | 0:05:43 | 0:05:47 | |
Shut it, flappy. I'm going to | 0:05:47 | 0:05:49 | |
blackmail the big FC so this show makes sackloads of Christmas wonga. | 0:05:49 | 0:05:53 | |
Unless the whiskery wobble-bottom does the play, | 0:05:53 | 0:05:56 | |
I will present this live expose of his dark and murky past. | 0:05:56 | 0:06:01 | |
Has Father Christmas got a dark and murky past? | 0:06:01 | 0:06:05 | |
Probably not, but he does go under a lot of aliases | 0:06:05 | 0:06:09 | |
so he must be hiding something. Have a look at this. | 0:06:09 | 0:06:13 | |
The first sightings of the man we know as Father Christmas | 0:06:13 | 0:06:18 | |
was in Turkey 1,700 years ago. | 0:06:18 | 0:06:22 | |
He was a bishop called Saint Nicolas who spent his time putting coins | 0:06:22 | 0:06:29 | |
in people's shoes. | 0:06:29 | 0:06:30 | |
The great big weirdo. In Holland he went under the name of Sinter Klause. | 0:06:30 | 0:06:35 | |
In America, he told them his name was Santa Claus. | 0:06:35 | 0:06:38 | |
And in Britain he's had several names, Sir Christmas, Lord Christmas | 0:06:38 | 0:06:44 | |
and, finally, Father Christmas. | 0:06:44 | 0:06:46 | |
Don't go trying to tell me there's nothing dodgy about... Ow! Ah! | 0:06:46 | 0:06:52 | |
You leave Father Christmas alone! | 0:06:52 | 0:06:54 | |
Take that you 'orrible pigeon! | 0:06:54 | 0:06:56 | |
He brings me dollies! | 0:06:56 | 0:07:00 | |
If you've all finished I'd like to run through Joseph's crucial | 0:07:02 | 0:07:07 | |
final speech to Mary, | 0:07:07 | 0:07:08 | |
during which one of the angels tries to do a handstand, | 0:07:08 | 0:07:12 | |
everyone sees her knickers and she knocks over half the set. | 0:07:12 | 0:07:16 | |
Little Howard, where are you going?! | 0:07:16 | 0:07:18 | |
I've got to write a letter to Father Christmas asking him | 0:07:18 | 0:07:21 | |
very nicely to be in our play! | 0:07:21 | 0:07:23 | |
Ending a Nativity play with Father Christmas | 0:07:23 | 0:07:25 | |
is a terrible idea, you ask anyone! | 0:07:25 | 0:07:27 | |
Ending a Nativity play with Father Christmas is a fabulous idea! | 0:07:27 | 0:07:31 | |
Give us a kiss. | 0:07:31 | 0:07:34 | |
No. Big Howard says it's not traditional. | 0:07:34 | 0:07:37 | |
Well, at least he's not coming on and having a poo. | 0:07:37 | 0:07:39 | |
Well, there is that... What? | 0:07:39 | 0:07:42 | |
Nativity scenes in the Catalan region | 0:07:42 | 0:07:44 | |
of Spain have a Caganer in the corner. | 0:07:44 | 0:07:46 | |
Ca-what-er? | 0:07:46 | 0:07:48 | |
I... What? I... | 0:07:48 | 0:07:51 | |
Yes. They have the usual manger, shepherds and three wise men. | 0:07:51 | 0:07:57 | |
But they also have a small statue squatting down having a poo. | 0:07:57 | 0:08:00 | |
But... Don't people complain? | 0:08:00 | 0:08:03 | |
On the contrary, it's hugely popular. | 0:08:03 | 0:08:06 | |
When the official Nativity scene | 0:08:06 | 0:08:08 | |
in Barcelona missed the Caganer out, locals kicked up a colossal stink... | 0:08:08 | 0:08:13 | |
so to speak. | 0:08:13 | 0:08:14 | |
The next year he was back, at a respectful distance from | 0:08:14 | 0:08:17 | |
the baby Jesus, happily parking his paella. | 0:08:17 | 0:08:21 | |
That is amazing! | 0:08:21 | 0:08:22 | |
But Big Howard isn't too keen on letting | 0:08:22 | 0:08:25 | |
Father Christmas be in our Nativity. | 0:08:25 | 0:08:26 | |
I don't think he's going to go for a pooing gnome. | 0:08:26 | 0:08:30 | |
Santa has only... | 0:08:36 | 0:08:38 | |
Hey, what are you... Hey! No! Get off! | 0:08:38 | 0:08:41 | |
Help! | 0:08:41 | 0:08:43 | |
Is there something wrong with your face? | 0:08:50 | 0:08:53 | |
No. Why are you dressed like that? | 0:08:53 | 0:08:55 | |
Father Christmas won't see me at | 0:08:55 | 0:08:56 | |
his grotto and he hasn't answered my letter yet. | 0:08:56 | 0:09:00 | |
And I did sent it 15 minutes ago! | 0:09:00 | 0:09:03 | |
So, I'm going to the North Pole to see him myself! | 0:09:03 | 0:09:06 | |
Oh, well, there might not be any need for that because erm... | 0:09:06 | 0:09:09 | |
-DOORBELL RINGS -I wonder who that can be! | 0:09:11 | 0:09:14 | |
Look! It's Father Christmas! | 0:09:17 | 0:09:21 | |
Ho! Ho! | 0:09:21 | 0:09:22 | |
HE COUGHS | 0:09:22 | 0:09:24 | |
Er, ho! | 0:09:24 | 0:09:25 | |
Oh, yeah. Three hos, isn't it? Sorry. | 0:09:25 | 0:09:29 | |
Hello, Father Christmas. | 0:09:29 | 0:09:30 | |
You look a bit more skinny and ratty than usual. | 0:09:30 | 0:09:35 | |
Turns out I'm mince pie intolerant. | 0:09:35 | 0:09:38 | |
I only have to have a single mince pie and I'm on the loo all afternoon. | 0:09:38 | 0:09:41 | |
Charming(!) | 0:09:41 | 0:09:43 | |
-And why's your beard made out of paper? -Paper beard? | 0:09:43 | 0:09:48 | |
Oh, they're all the rage in Laptop-land. | 0:09:48 | 0:09:50 | |
-(Lapland.) -Lapland! | 0:09:50 | 0:09:53 | |
OK, "Father Christmas". | 0:09:53 | 0:09:55 | |
Answer these three questions. | 0:09:55 | 0:09:57 | |
What did I ask for for Christmas? | 0:09:57 | 0:10:01 | |
Uh... Erm... | 0:10:01 | 0:10:03 | |
-Fleas? -What?! | 0:10:05 | 0:10:08 | |
Sorry, no, I was mixing you up with that other | 0:10:08 | 0:10:12 | |
boy that... wanted the fleas for Christmas. | 0:10:12 | 0:10:14 | |
Oh! You want a banana! | 0:10:14 | 0:10:17 | |
-COUGHS: Monkey! -Ah! You want a cough! | 0:10:17 | 0:10:20 | |
He wants a monkey for Christmas! For goodness sakes. | 0:10:20 | 0:10:24 | |
Right. You're not doing brilliantly well. Question two. | 0:10:24 | 0:10:28 | |
What colour is Rudolf's nose. | 0:10:28 | 0:10:30 | |
Er... | 0:10:30 | 0:10:31 | |
-Rudolf? -Rudolf, your reindeer. | 0:10:31 | 0:10:36 | |
-Ah! Brown. -No. | 0:10:36 | 0:10:40 | |
-Beige? -No! | 0:10:40 | 0:10:42 | |
-Fawn? -He does have a lot of reindeer, to be fair. | 0:10:42 | 0:10:46 | |
It's red! He's called Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer! | 0:10:46 | 0:10:50 | |
-He's your reindeer. -He does spend a lot of time facing the other way. | 0:10:50 | 0:10:53 | |
I know what colour his bottom is. That is brown. | 0:10:53 | 0:10:57 | |
-Well, taupe. -Get out. | 0:10:57 | 0:11:00 | |
Who was he? | 0:11:02 | 0:11:04 | |
He's in my tae kwon do class. | 0:11:04 | 0:11:07 | |
Right twonko, more like. | 0:11:07 | 0:11:09 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:11:09 | 0:11:10 | |
Just trying to put a bit of magic in Christmas, it's fine... | 0:11:10 | 0:11:13 | |
Hello? Big Howard, Little Howard house, | 0:11:13 | 0:11:16 | |
Little Howard of the house speaking. | 0:11:16 | 0:11:18 | |
Hello my titchy little chipolata! | 0:11:18 | 0:11:21 | |
You know Christmas is a time for family? | 0:11:21 | 0:11:24 | |
Yes. | 0:11:24 | 0:11:26 | |
Well, go to Father Christmas's grotto in ten minutes, and you might | 0:11:26 | 0:11:30 | |
just bump into a kind of half member of your family, sort of. | 0:11:30 | 0:11:34 | |
Suffering Santa Clauses, | 0:11:34 | 0:11:36 | |
isn't that Little Albert, Little Howard's evil half-brother, sort of? | 0:11:36 | 0:11:40 | |
What's going to happen now? And what am I going to get for Christmas? | 0:11:40 | 0:11:43 | |
I wanted a Wii. And luckily I've got time to have one. | 0:11:43 | 0:11:46 | |
It's the commercial break. | 0:11:46 | 0:11:48 | |
Do you have a special playmate this Christmas? | 0:11:48 | 0:11:52 | |
If not, why not pester your parents or grandparents, | 0:11:52 | 0:11:55 | |
or anyone you know with the cash to buy you My Little Dolly Doll? | 0:11:55 | 0:11:58 | |
It's a little dolly with a big heart, and even bigger head. | 0:11:58 | 0:12:01 | |
-Look at the size of that head, it's massive! -Dollies! | 0:12:01 | 0:12:04 | |
-Oh, no! She's back! -Give me the dollies! | 0:12:04 | 0:12:07 | |
Call the police! | 0:12:07 | 0:12:09 | |
Dollies! | 0:12:09 | 0:12:10 | |
We seem to be having technical difficulties with this ad break. | 0:12:13 | 0:12:16 | |
Here's the other half of the programme you were watching. | 0:12:16 | 0:12:20 | |
Little Albert! What are you doing here? | 0:12:23 | 0:12:26 | |
I saw your poster and thought I | 0:12:26 | 0:12:28 | |
-could help you track down Father Christmas. -That's very nice of you. | 0:12:28 | 0:12:33 | |
Well, it is Christmas. | 0:12:33 | 0:12:35 | |
And it is part of a dastardly evil plan. | 0:12:35 | 0:12:37 | |
Oh, good... Pardon? | 0:12:37 | 0:12:40 | |
Nothing! I think you'll find the big plum pudding's in here. | 0:12:40 | 0:12:44 | |
Why's the Elf tied up? | 0:12:44 | 0:12:47 | |
He's training to become a bauble. | 0:12:47 | 0:12:49 | |
Right, let's go and see Santa. | 0:12:49 | 0:12:53 | |
ELF MUMBLES | 0:12:53 | 0:12:55 | |
Hello? | 0:12:55 | 0:12:56 | |
Father Christmas? | 0:12:56 | 0:13:00 | |
Ah, Little Howard! Now, I've read your letters and... | 0:13:00 | 0:13:04 | |
Oh... You two. | 0:13:06 | 0:13:08 | |
Little Albert! Roger! What are you doing? | 0:13:08 | 0:13:11 | |
Oh, now steady on, you two. | 0:13:11 | 0:13:14 | |
Aagh, oh, ah... | 0:13:14 | 0:13:15 | |
Oh, dear. I'm never going to get a monkey for Christmas now. | 0:13:15 | 0:13:20 | |
Hello, Father Christmas. | 0:13:26 | 0:13:29 | |
I'm a big fan, by the way. Love your work. | 0:13:29 | 0:13:32 | |
Little Howard. There's a fine line between a "big fan" and "kidnapper" | 0:13:32 | 0:13:38 | |
and you have just crossed it. | 0:13:38 | 0:13:40 | |
I didn't want to tie you up, I just wanted you to give our | 0:13:40 | 0:13:43 | |
Nativity play a bit more zing. | 0:13:43 | 0:13:46 | |
-Oh, well, that's fine then. -Really? | 0:13:46 | 0:13:49 | |
Of course not! | 0:13:49 | 0:13:51 | |
-I have nothing to do with the Nativity! -Oh, please be in it! | 0:13:51 | 0:13:54 | |
I just want you to deliver a message of goodwill to the audience. | 0:13:54 | 0:13:59 | |
And to hold you to ransom for all the presents in the world! | 0:13:59 | 0:14:02 | |
Yes, and to hold you to ransom... What?! | 0:14:02 | 0:14:05 | |
The Pigeon and I have been talking. | 0:14:05 | 0:14:07 | |
It seems a shame to just put you in a play, when we could | 0:14:07 | 0:14:12 | |
keep you prisoner until I am given all the presents on the planet! | 0:14:12 | 0:14:17 | |
Ha-ha-ha-ha! | 0:14:17 | 0:14:19 | |
And some cash. I'd like some cash too. | 0:14:19 | 0:14:22 | |
This is Father Christmas! Have some respect! | 0:14:22 | 0:14:26 | |
I didn't think you'd play along, Little Howard. | 0:14:26 | 0:14:29 | |
Walnut Whip! | 0:14:29 | 0:14:31 | |
You see, Little Howard, I've never had a single Christmas present | 0:14:31 | 0:14:35 | |
in all my wretched life. | 0:14:35 | 0:14:37 | |
To be fair, you have been consistently very | 0:14:37 | 0:14:40 | |
-naughty for as long as I can... -Silence, Christmas! | 0:14:40 | 0:14:44 | |
Pigeon, get the electronic video graphic camera recording device. | 0:14:44 | 0:14:48 | |
I'll just use my phone. | 0:14:48 | 0:14:49 | |
-Your telephone? -My mobile. | 0:14:49 | 0:14:52 | |
Have you been living under a rock for the last ten years? | 0:14:52 | 0:14:55 | |
For part of the time, yes! | 0:14:55 | 0:14:57 | |
Don't knock it till you've tried it, fatso! | 0:14:57 | 0:15:00 | |
I'm not fat! I've just got big feathers. | 0:15:00 | 0:15:03 | |
That's the problem with naughty people, they never get on. | 0:15:03 | 0:15:07 | |
-More mince pies anyone? -No, thanks, Mother, these are revolting. | 0:15:11 | 0:15:16 | |
Oh! I meant to tell you, there's something | 0:15:16 | 0:15:19 | |
been posted online that you might like to see. | 0:15:19 | 0:15:21 | |
Greetings people of Earth! | 0:15:25 | 0:15:27 | |
I, Little Albert, | 0:15:27 | 0:15:29 | |
have captured Father Christmas, | 0:15:29 | 0:15:31 | |
and a minor CBBC personality. | 0:15:31 | 0:15:35 | |
To see them returned safely, I want all the Christmas presents | 0:15:35 | 0:15:40 | |
in the world! | 0:15:40 | 0:15:42 | |
-Ah-ha-ha-ha! -And some cash. | 0:15:42 | 0:15:44 | |
You must all put whatever Christmas presents are under your | 0:15:44 | 0:15:48 | |
tree outside, to be collected by the squirrels of the world! | 0:15:48 | 0:15:53 | |
And leave out some cash. | 0:15:53 | 0:15:55 | |
Come on, dig deep. It is Christmas. | 0:15:55 | 0:15:57 | |
If I don't receive your co-operation, | 0:15:57 | 0:16:00 | |
I will be forced to...erm. | 0:16:00 | 0:16:03 | |
Shave Father Christmas's beard off and reveal his secret identity! | 0:16:03 | 0:16:08 | |
I don't have a secret identity. | 0:16:08 | 0:16:10 | |
-I'm Father Christmas. -Shut up! | 0:16:10 | 0:16:13 | |
-Just...send me your presents, or else! -And some... | 0:16:13 | 0:16:17 | |
Will you shut up about the cash! | 0:16:17 | 0:16:19 | |
Right. | 0:16:19 | 0:16:21 | |
More tea, anyone? | 0:16:21 | 0:16:23 | |
Presents, power and prisoners! | 0:16:26 | 0:16:29 | |
This must be the best Christmas ever! | 0:16:29 | 0:16:32 | |
Aw, isn't he sweet?! | 0:16:32 | 0:16:34 | |
# Christmas comes but once a year | 0:16:36 | 0:16:38 | |
# Unless you've got what I've got in here | 0:16:38 | 0:16:40 | |
# Wrestle Santa to the ground | 0:16:40 | 0:16:42 | |
# And you can have Christmas all year round | 0:16:42 | 0:16:45 | |
# Knocking Rudolf from the skies | 0:16:45 | 0:16:48 | |
# He'll have one red nose and two black eyes | 0:16:48 | 0:16:50 | |
# If you see us two about Good King Wenceslas, look out! | 0:16:50 | 0:16:55 | |
# Catch and cage Father Christmas | 0:16:55 | 0:16:58 | |
# Tie him with your stockings to the wall | 0:16:58 | 0:17:00 | |
# Catch and cage Father Christmas | 0:17:00 | 0:17:03 | |
# Deck him first then deck the halls | 0:17:03 | 0:17:06 | |
# Most kids won't need telling twice | 0:17:15 | 0:17:17 | |
# Caging Father Christmas isn't very nice | 0:17:17 | 0:17:20 | |
# It's not exactly mistletoe Let my Father Christmas go | 0:17:20 | 0:17:25 | |
-# Catch and cage Father Christmas -I knew it | 0:17:25 | 0:17:27 | |
-# Tie him with your stockings to the wall -Don't do it | 0:17:27 | 0:17:30 | |
-# Catch and cage Father Christmas -He'll be missed | 0:17:30 | 0:17:32 | |
# This is going to put you on his naughty list | 0:17:32 | 0:17:35 | |
# You're not showing reverence | 0:17:39 | 0:17:42 | |
# He's probably good at self-defence | 0:17:42 | 0:17:45 | |
# It's a time to give not take Don't you make this big mistake | 0:17:45 | 0:17:49 | |
-# Catch and cage Father Christmas -He won't let you | 0:17:51 | 0:17:54 | |
-# Tie him with your stockings to the wall -I'll bet you | 0:17:54 | 0:17:56 | |
-# Catch and cage Father Christmas -He'll get you | 0:17:56 | 0:17:59 | |
# Deck him first then deck the halls... # | 0:17:59 | 0:18:02 | |
Look here, let me out of here! | 0:18:02 | 0:18:05 | |
I've got several billion chimneys to get down! | 0:18:05 | 0:18:09 | |
I thought he was supposed to be jolly? | 0:18:09 | 0:18:11 | |
Gum ya beak up, beardface. | 0:18:11 | 0:18:14 | |
I know, if we cover his cage up he might go to sleep. | 0:18:14 | 0:18:18 | |
I'm not a bloomin' budgerigar! What's this...? | 0:18:18 | 0:18:21 | |
Put that... Oh... HE SNORES | 0:18:21 | 0:18:24 | |
LOUD SMASH | 0:18:26 | 0:18:28 | |
-Big Howard! -Give me back my dollies! | 0:18:30 | 0:18:34 | |
Blimey! And I thought I was feral! | 0:18:34 | 0:18:38 | |
Wallop him, Big Howard! Crush his beak! | 0:18:40 | 0:18:43 | |
Push his stubby little nose back! | 0:18:43 | 0:18:46 | |
I'll spank his bottom with your face! | 0:18:46 | 0:18:52 | |
Oh, no, Howard...no! | 0:18:56 | 0:19:00 | |
Stop it, ow! | 0:19:00 | 0:19:01 | |
-Ow! -How did you know where we were? | 0:19:01 | 0:19:05 | |
Mother remembered where you were last time she had | 0:19:05 | 0:19:07 | |
to rescue you from Little Albert. | 0:19:07 | 0:19:09 | |
Oh! Father Christmas is in the cage. | 0:19:09 | 0:19:11 | |
Let him out quick so he can deliver all the presents! | 0:19:11 | 0:19:16 | |
-He's escaped! The hairy swine! -How did he do that? | 0:19:16 | 0:19:19 | |
He's Father Christmas, you twonk! He's magic! | 0:19:19 | 0:19:22 | |
Haven't you three got a nativity play to be in about...three minutes ago? | 0:19:22 | 0:19:28 | |
Arrgh! | 0:19:28 | 0:19:30 | |
But who can play the Innkeeper as well as Roger? | 0:19:30 | 0:19:33 | |
Pretty much anyone. Mother, you'll do, come on, quick! | 0:19:33 | 0:19:37 | |
Dollies! Do-do-do-do-do... | 0:19:37 | 0:19:41 | |
Hello, my name's Arabella. | 0:19:41 | 0:19:43 | |
-Hello, my name's Miranda. -Come on. | 0:19:43 | 0:19:47 | |
# The little Lord Jesus Asleep on the hay. # | 0:19:47 | 0:19:55 | |
-Bravo! Excellent! -Father Christmas! | 0:20:07 | 0:20:11 | |
Hello, everyone! | 0:20:11 | 0:20:13 | |
What a marvellous show! | 0:20:13 | 0:20:14 | |
I particularly liked the joke | 0:20:14 | 0:20:17 | |
where the wise man brought Frankenstein instead of frankincense. | 0:20:17 | 0:20:22 | |
ALL LAUGH | 0:20:22 | 0:20:24 | |
Who's Frankincense? | 0:20:24 | 0:20:25 | |
Oh, dear. | 0:20:25 | 0:20:28 | |
Anyway, I just popped by on my travels to say, | 0:20:28 | 0:20:32 | |
thank you all for saving me, and also to remind you of | 0:20:32 | 0:20:38 | |
the Christmas message of goodwill to all. | 0:20:38 | 0:20:41 | |
A time for being with loved ones. | 0:20:41 | 0:20:45 | |
It is not, and I repeat not, about coming to my grotto, | 0:20:45 | 0:20:51 | |
bundling me into a sack, and holding me to ransom for cash. | 0:20:51 | 0:20:59 | |
And also, Merry Christmas! | 0:20:59 | 0:21:02 | |
Am I forgiven? | 0:21:08 | 0:21:11 | |
-I think so. -Do I get Dollies? | 0:21:11 | 0:21:13 | |
You get dollies and some counselling. | 0:21:13 | 0:21:17 | |
You have issues. | 0:21:17 | 0:21:18 | |
What's going to happen to Little Albert and Roger? | 0:21:18 | 0:21:21 | |
Don't worry, I've sorted out those two. | 0:21:21 | 0:21:24 | |
Oh, and one more thing. Ho Ho Ho! | 0:21:24 | 0:21:28 | |
# Well, I wish it could be Christmas every day | 0:21:28 | 0:21:33 | |
# When the kids start singing and the band begins to play... # | 0:21:35 | 0:21:40 | |
How many of these have we got to do? | 0:21:42 | 0:21:45 | |
80 million. And that's just for Little Susan. | 0:21:45 | 0:21:48 | |
I want 'em done by the end of November, | 0:21:48 | 0:21:50 | |
or we'll cram you full of chestnuts. | 0:21:50 | 0:21:51 | |
I always wondered how he did it. | 0:21:51 | 0:21:54 | |
Are you still technically an elf at that size? | 0:21:54 | 0:21:56 | |
Shut up and get stitching. | 0:21:56 | 0:21:59 |