Browse content similar to The Best of Little Howard's Big Question. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
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-You caught anything yet? -Just a couple of stickle bricks. | 0:00:04 | 0:00:08 | |
Stickle bricks... | 0:00:08 | 0:00:09 | |
Great! That's the last wire! | 0:00:11 | 0:00:13 | |
This should fetch me a few quid at the boot sale. | 0:00:13 | 0:00:16 | |
Oh, dear. | 0:00:16 | 0:00:18 | |
Um... | 0:00:18 | 0:00:19 | |
We would like to apologise | 0:00:19 | 0:00:21 | |
for the loss of this week's episode of Little Howard's Big Question. | 0:00:21 | 0:00:25 | |
This was due to...erm... | 0:00:25 | 0:00:27 | |
you not having a good enough telly. | 0:00:27 | 0:00:30 | |
It was not because Roger T Pigeon was removing | 0:00:30 | 0:00:32 | |
broadcast equipment so he could flog it at a car boot sale | 0:00:32 | 0:00:35 | |
in Cheam tomorrow morning. | 0:00:35 | 0:00:36 | |
£200, or nearest offer. So don't anyone go calling the police. | 0:00:36 | 0:00:41 | |
Bye! | 0:00:41 | 0:00:42 | |
# I love money I love dummies... | 0:00:45 | 0:00:49 | |
# With their tails | 0:00:52 | 0:00:53 | |
# And their bananas | 0:00:53 | 0:00:55 | |
# I think that if we all were monkeys We'd have happier mananas | 0:00:55 | 0:00:58 | |
-# Give us porridge -We love porridge | 0:00:58 | 0:01:00 | |
# Lots of porridge... # | 0:01:00 | 0:01:02 | |
# You know that's it's the monkeys I despise | 0:01:02 | 0:01:05 | |
# If my love said that she did not love koalas | 0:01:05 | 0:01:08 | |
# I'd call her a great galah... # | 0:01:08 | 0:01:11 | |
Oh, flipping heck... | 0:01:12 | 0:01:14 | |
Nothing to see here. | 0:01:14 | 0:01:15 | |
Run along and watch these... What does that button say? | 0:01:15 | 0:01:19 | |
"Klaxon moments." | 0:01:19 | 0:01:21 | |
Argh! | 0:01:22 | 0:01:23 | |
KLAXON BLARES | 0:01:26 | 0:01:28 | |
I, Little Howard, have come up with another of my bi-i-ig questions. | 0:01:28 | 0:01:32 | |
KLAXON BLARES | 0:01:35 | 0:01:37 | |
KLAXON BLARES | 0:01:37 | 0:01:38 | |
KLAXON BLARES | 0:01:38 | 0:01:41 | |
Nothing bad happened to me! | 0:01:41 | 0:01:42 | |
RIPPING | 0:01:42 | 0:01:43 | |
Oh, dear. | 0:01:43 | 0:01:45 | |
KLAXON BLARES | 0:01:45 | 0:01:47 | |
KLAXON BLARES | 0:01:48 | 0:01:50 | |
KLAXON BLARES | 0:01:50 | 0:01:52 | |
How can I get Father Christmas to star in our nativity play? | 0:01:52 | 0:01:56 | |
No-one's supposed to put their head | 0:01:56 | 0:01:58 | |
through the stable door until Act Two! | 0:01:58 | 0:02:00 | |
Ah! Oh! | 0:02:00 | 0:02:04 | |
Priceless. | 0:02:04 | 0:02:05 | |
I can't get enough of watching Big Howard get grievously injured. | 0:02:05 | 0:02:10 | |
Oh, well, better get back to the pilfering. | 0:02:10 | 0:02:12 | |
This office equipment won't nick itself, you know. | 0:02:12 | 0:02:15 | |
Oh, maybe I'll watch one more. | 0:02:15 | 0:02:17 | |
Hooray! | 0:02:19 | 0:02:21 | |
You might feel a slight tingling sensation when I press this button. | 0:02:24 | 0:02:30 | |
Argh! | 0:02:30 | 0:02:31 | |
-Wow! -What are you doing? | 0:02:33 | 0:02:36 | |
Just testing the principals of Luigi Galvani. | 0:02:36 | 0:02:39 | |
Oh, OK, then. Argh... | 0:02:39 | 0:02:41 | |
How's the digging going, Little Howard? Argh! | 0:02:41 | 0:02:44 | |
SMACK! SMACK! | 0:02:44 | 0:02:47 | |
I'm sorry, Big Howard, but you were becoming hysterical. | 0:02:47 | 0:02:50 | |
-I'm not invisible, am I? -No. | 0:02:58 | 0:03:01 | |
Mum?! | 0:03:01 | 0:03:02 | |
PIGEON LAUGHS | 0:03:06 | 0:03:08 | |
Priceless. | 0:03:08 | 0:03:10 | |
Oh... Ow! | 0:03:10 | 0:03:13 | |
Wagh! | 0:03:13 | 0:03:14 | |
We need to extract... | 0:03:15 | 0:03:17 | |
Sorry, I can't hear you say, "I don't want to do this," | 0:03:24 | 0:03:27 | |
because you're in a wind tunnel. | 0:03:27 | 0:03:29 | |
No! | 0:03:33 | 0:03:34 | |
I've got it! | 0:03:35 | 0:03:37 | |
HE SCREAMS | 0:03:37 | 0:03:40 | |
KLAXON BLARES I, Little Howard, have come... | 0:03:40 | 0:03:42 | |
Argh! | 0:03:43 | 0:03:45 | |
Oh! I could watch that again and again. | 0:03:45 | 0:03:49 | |
In fact... Oi! What's happening here?! | 0:03:49 | 0:03:52 | |
Something's playing all by itself! | 0:03:52 | 0:03:55 | |
Hello, and welcome to my deleted scenes show reel, | 0:03:55 | 0:03:59 | |
bits of the show that didn't get on telly | 0:03:59 | 0:04:02 | |
because our producer Kez accidentally baked the keys to the tape cupboard | 0:04:02 | 0:04:06 | |
into a tofu risotto. | 0:04:06 | 0:04:08 | |
It happened several times. | 0:04:08 | 0:04:10 | |
I really don't know why we kept giving them back to her. | 0:04:10 | 0:04:13 | |
This first previously unseen obscene scene | 0:04:13 | 0:04:16 | |
is from the episode when Big Howard had a secret government organisation | 0:04:16 | 0:04:21 | |
after him, trying to harness the smell of his bum | 0:04:21 | 0:04:24 | |
for queen and country. | 0:04:24 | 0:04:25 | |
# Because when the sun shines We'll shine together | 0:04:25 | 0:04:28 | |
# Told you I'll be here forever | 0:04:28 | 0:04:31 | |
# Said I'll always be your friend | 0:04:31 | 0:04:33 | |
# I'm going to stick it out to the end | 0:04:33 | 0:04:36 | |
# Now it's raining more than ever | 0:04:36 | 0:04:37 | |
# Know that we'll still have each other | 0:04:37 | 0:04:40 | |
# You can stand under my umbrella You can stand under my umbrella | 0:04:40 | 0:04:45 | |
# You can stand under my umbrella... # | 0:04:47 | 0:04:50 | |
-What do we do? -Disguise ourselves as hot dog sellers. | 0:04:50 | 0:04:53 | |
Of course... What?! | 0:04:53 | 0:04:55 | |
-What?! -Hot dogs, hot dogs, come and get your hot dogs! | 0:04:57 | 0:05:02 | |
Free onions with every hot dog. | 0:05:02 | 0:05:05 | |
Johnson. | 0:05:05 | 0:05:07 | |
I...I really... | 0:05:11 | 0:05:14 | |
-I really fancy a hot dog, do you want one? -Erm, sir, | 0:05:14 | 0:05:17 | |
oughtn't we try and track down that nasty smell? We almost caught them. | 0:05:17 | 0:05:20 | |
Johnson, an army marches on its stomach, | 0:05:20 | 0:05:23 | |
or is that a snail? I can never remember. | 0:05:23 | 0:05:26 | |
-Two hot dogs, please. -Certainly, guv'nor. | 0:05:26 | 0:05:28 | |
-That will be £64, please. -A bit steep, isn't it, sonny? | 0:05:28 | 0:05:32 | |
These are made from real dogs, sir. | 0:05:32 | 0:05:34 | |
Ooh, lovely. | 0:05:34 | 0:05:36 | |
-Oh, and both sorts of mustard. Marvellous. -Sir... | 0:05:36 | 0:05:42 | |
Yes, yes, yes, yes... Sorry. Thanks. Must be off. | 0:05:42 | 0:05:44 | |
I can't believe that act... | 0:05:46 | 0:05:47 | |
Agh! | 0:05:47 | 0:05:49 | |
Blooming good hot dog. | 0:05:50 | 0:05:52 | |
Well done! | 0:05:52 | 0:05:53 | |
I can't believe that actually worked. | 0:05:53 | 0:05:56 | |
Why wouldn't it have worked? | 0:05:56 | 0:05:58 | |
It always works. It's a classic. | 0:05:58 | 0:06:00 | |
I suppose the smell of the onions disguised your honk. | 0:06:00 | 0:06:03 | |
Oh, that is lovely. | 0:06:12 | 0:06:14 | |
-Is that Ribena? -Oh, no. | 0:06:14 | 0:06:16 | |
Is that any of the other blackcurrant cordials | 0:06:16 | 0:06:19 | |
that are available on the market? | 0:06:19 | 0:06:21 | |
It's a cheeky little red from a cheeky little redhead boy. | 0:06:21 | 0:06:23 | |
It is blood! I find it most excellent for writing letters! | 0:06:23 | 0:06:29 | |
Some things use their smell to scare off attackers, | 0:06:29 | 0:06:33 | |
like the striped polecat, skunk and bombardier beetle. | 0:06:33 | 0:06:36 | |
Excuse me, have you got change for the parking meter? | 0:06:36 | 0:06:39 | |
AARGH!!! | 0:06:39 | 0:06:41 | |
The Corpse plant uses its horrible smell to advertise! | 0:06:41 | 0:06:46 | |
Yummy! All you can eat rotting flesh buffet! | 0:06:46 | 0:06:49 | |
It smells of rotting meat to attract meat-eating beetles and flies | 0:06:49 | 0:06:53 | |
so they pollinate. | 0:06:53 | 0:06:54 | |
By the glimmer of the half-extinguished light, | 0:06:54 | 0:06:58 | |
I saw the dull yellow eye of the creature open. | 0:06:58 | 0:07:02 | |
It breathed hard, and a convulsive motion agitated its limbs. | 0:07:02 | 0:07:08 | |
It's ali-i-ive! | 0:07:11 | 0:07:13 | |
# A super-visor! | 0:07:14 | 0:07:16 | |
# It's the only thing that will get me through | 0:07:16 | 0:07:19 | |
# A super-visor | 0:07:19 | 0:07:21 | |
# Put them on and they'll show me what to do | 0:07:21 | 0:07:25 | |
# A super-visor | 0:07:25 | 0:07:27 | |
# It will blow their evil plan open wide | 0:07:27 | 0:07:30 | |
# A super-visor | 0:07:31 | 0:07:33 | |
# When you're wearing your underpants outside. # | 0:07:33 | 0:07:38 | |
Oh! | 0:07:39 | 0:07:40 | |
Oh! I just had the weirdest dream sequence! | 0:07:40 | 0:07:44 | |
It was like loads of different dream sequences all edited together, | 0:07:44 | 0:07:49 | |
in a bit of a hurry by someone who hasn't slept for eight days. | 0:07:49 | 0:07:52 | |
Reminds me of a dream I had once about | 0:07:52 | 0:07:54 | |
getting banned from Madame Tussauds for making a nest in Amy Winehouse. | 0:07:54 | 0:07:58 | |
No, that actually happened, didn't it? | 0:07:58 | 0:08:00 | |
Speaking of which... What is an Everyday Ridiculousness Montage? | 0:08:00 | 0:08:05 | |
Aarrrgh! It's a monster! | 0:08:07 | 0:08:10 | |
Oh, no! | 0:08:10 | 0:08:12 | |
Big Howard's turned into a monster! | 0:08:12 | 0:08:14 | |
It can't have been anything to do with me poisoning him, | 0:08:14 | 0:08:17 | |
dying his skin orange and zapping him, can it!?! | 0:08:17 | 0:08:19 | |
# I've created a monster | 0:08:21 | 0:08:24 | |
# I've created a thing that I detest. | 0:08:24 | 0:08:26 | |
# In the beginning it was beautiful | 0:08:26 | 0:08:28 | |
# In the beginning it was better than the best | 0:08:28 | 0:08:31 | |
## I've created a monster | 0:08:31 | 0:08:33 | |
# I've created a thing that I despise | 0:08:33 | 0:08:36 | |
# All I wanted was to save the day | 0:08:36 | 0:08:38 | |
# Not create a hairy thing with scary eyes. # | 0:08:38 | 0:08:41 | |
Amuse your friends and complete strangers | 0:08:41 | 0:08:44 | |
with the new Big Howard-endorsed | 0:08:44 | 0:08:46 | |
remote-controlled self-dropping trousers! | 0:08:46 | 0:08:51 | |
Big Howard-endorsed remote-controlled | 0:08:51 | 0:08:53 | |
self-dropping trousers! | 0:08:53 | 0:08:54 | |
Swanee whistle sound effect sold separately. | 0:08:54 | 0:08:56 | |
CROWD ROARS AND CLAPS | 0:09:00 | 0:09:02 | |
All around me in the Earth, | 0:09:11 | 0:09:12 | |
there must be loads of pipes and wires and tunnels, | 0:09:12 | 0:09:15 | |
but there's also buried treasure | 0:09:15 | 0:09:18 | |
and ruined houses and castles, and even bits of diplodocusaur. | 0:09:18 | 0:09:23 | |
Snails! Hundreds! | 0:09:26 | 0:09:28 | |
Well...tens of them! | 0:09:28 | 0:09:30 | |
I'm rich! Come here, my beauties! | 0:09:30 | 0:09:32 | |
Ah! What's happening?! | 0:09:32 | 0:09:34 | |
I've got a bowl of garlic butter with your name on it. | 0:09:34 | 0:09:37 | |
Argh! Cave in! | 0:09:37 | 0:09:40 | |
Little Howard! NO-O-O! | 0:09:40 | 0:09:43 | |
Oi! Pip squeak bum squirt, give us your 'nanas! | 0:09:49 | 0:09:52 | |
Are you constantly getting the bananas | 0:09:52 | 0:09:54 | |
you bought for your troupe of dancing monkeys stolen by wayward gorillas? | 0:09:54 | 0:09:57 | |
Then you need little fingers of fury | 0:09:57 | 0:10:00 | |
by studying Private Johnson's Pinky Fu. | 0:10:00 | 0:10:04 | |
With Pinky Fu, all you need is a little finger | 0:10:04 | 0:10:07 | |
to bring down any assailant. | 0:10:07 | 0:10:09 | |
Please note this martial art only works | 0:10:09 | 0:10:11 | |
if you are fighting cartoon gorillas. | 0:10:11 | 0:10:12 | |
Hello again. And welcome back to some more additional footage, | 0:10:15 | 0:10:19 | |
although I'm not calling it that, because that sounds like | 0:10:19 | 0:10:22 | |
it's about people who have got more than two feet. | 0:10:22 | 0:10:25 | |
This scene, which has started playing all on its own, is from our episode | 0:10:25 | 0:10:29 | |
Can Big Howard Live Without His Mobile Phone? | 0:10:29 | 0:10:31 | |
when we were flying with an aerial display team. | 0:10:31 | 0:10:35 | |
We didn't show this bit, though, because I was sick on the camera. | 0:10:35 | 0:10:38 | |
Well, Little Howard, what G is, we are flying straight and level | 0:10:38 | 0:10:43 | |
flying along and we are weighing our normal body weight. | 0:10:43 | 0:10:47 | |
Now if we pull 2G, we will weigh twice our body weight, and 3G, | 0:10:47 | 0:10:51 | |
we weigh three times our body weight. | 0:10:51 | 0:10:53 | |
So it's really as the aircraft pulls into a turn, | 0:10:53 | 0:10:56 | |
we get forced into our seat. | 0:10:56 | 0:10:58 | |
And normal gravity is increased. | 0:10:58 | 0:11:02 | |
This machine seems to be playing stuff I didn't ask it to. | 0:11:02 | 0:11:06 | |
Oh, well, I liked that. Bit of action. Bit of sick. | 0:11:06 | 0:11:10 | |
Hey? | 0:11:17 | 0:11:18 | |
Trapped, like a mouse! | 0:11:23 | 0:11:25 | |
A plastic mouse. | 0:11:25 | 0:11:27 | |
Funny. I haven't seen much from my favourite episode, | 0:11:54 | 0:11:57 | |
Why Do Things Have To Die? | 0:11:57 | 0:11:59 | |
It was a favourite because I wasn't in it, | 0:11:59 | 0:12:01 | |
but due to a mix-up, I got paid anyway! | 0:12:01 | 0:12:03 | |
Never watched the episode. | 0:12:03 | 0:12:05 | |
I'm a grown-up, y'see. | 0:12:05 | 0:12:07 | |
Oh, El Pipi Ninjio Gonzalez the Third, | 0:12:08 | 0:12:12 | |
you were the best goldfish ever! Oh, why! Why! | 0:12:12 | 0:12:17 | |
I think we had a really good service today. | 0:12:17 | 0:12:19 | |
I felt sorry, obviously, for Little Howard. | 0:12:19 | 0:12:21 | |
I don't think anybody noticed that I actually dropped the coffin. | 0:12:21 | 0:12:25 | |
There was a lot of tears, some smiles, some more tears. | 0:12:27 | 0:12:32 | |
I mean, I haven't cried so much since my own hamster died, | 0:12:32 | 0:12:36 | |
but I don't really want to talk about that. | 0:12:36 | 0:12:39 | |
Are you Howard Oliver Drinkwater Read? | 0:12:39 | 0:12:42 | |
Erm, yes, I am. | 0:12:42 | 0:12:45 | |
I am arresting you on the very strong suspicion of murder! | 0:12:45 | 0:12:48 | |
'I don't actually know what Big Howard is doing,' | 0:12:51 | 0:12:54 | |
because I think he believes that the show is real. | 0:12:54 | 0:12:58 | |
You know we were reading the script? | 0:12:58 | 0:13:00 | |
All the different bits, and it says Barney Harwood there. That's me. | 0:13:00 | 0:13:03 | |
Why doesn't it say DCI Barney Harwood? That's disrespectful. | 0:13:03 | 0:13:06 | |
Because that's me again. The DCI bit | 0:13:06 | 0:13:07 | |
is when I'm playing a police officer | 0:13:07 | 0:13:09 | |
and the Barney bit is when it's just me. | 0:13:09 | 0:13:10 | |
-I get it, you're undercover? -You see what I mean, I... | 0:13:10 | 0:13:14 | |
I... Right, you're under arrest. | 0:13:14 | 0:13:16 | |
-He's not moving at all. -Stand back! | 0:13:17 | 0:13:20 | |
I'm going to give it mouth to mouth! | 0:13:20 | 0:13:22 | |
No, Little Howard! No, that won't work! Fish don't breath air! | 0:13:22 | 0:13:25 | |
I'll give him a heart massage then! | 0:13:25 | 0:13:27 | |
No! | 0:13:28 | 0:13:30 | |
Oh, dear. | 0:13:30 | 0:13:31 | |
I think we've lost him. | 0:13:31 | 0:13:33 | |
As an undertaker, you get to see a lot of things. | 0:13:35 | 0:13:38 | |
Now, I'd like to take you through what services | 0:13:38 | 0:13:42 | |
we undertakers provide for the deceased. | 0:13:42 | 0:13:46 | |
When El...when El Pip..in..yo... | 0:13:46 | 0:13:49 | |
When the goldfish arrived, erm... | 0:13:49 | 0:13:52 | |
I wasn't quite sure what it was... | 0:13:52 | 0:13:54 | |
-He was a goldfish?! -Yes. Of course he was a goldfish! | 0:13:54 | 0:13:58 | |
Ah... | 0:13:58 | 0:14:00 | |
First of all I thought it might be, well, marmalade. And then, no. | 0:14:00 | 0:14:05 | |
What have you done? | 0:14:05 | 0:14:06 | |
'Then I thought what else could it be, I thought...' | 0:14:06 | 0:14:10 | |
Why would we use an undertaker to bury a satsuma?! | 0:14:10 | 0:14:14 | |
'So I made a mistake there.' | 0:14:14 | 0:14:17 | |
But I made the best of it. I mean... It's the thought that counts. | 0:14:17 | 0:14:22 | |
Because, after an extensive search of his fish tank, | 0:14:26 | 0:14:29 | |
DI Beaker has found the murder weapon. | 0:14:29 | 0:14:32 | |
A massive toffee apple?! | 0:14:32 | 0:14:34 | |
Who'd give a goldfish a massi... Oh, dear. | 0:14:34 | 0:14:38 | |
Oh, Big Howard! | 0:14:38 | 0:14:41 | |
I can't bear it! | 0:14:43 | 0:14:44 | |
# Remember the goldfish, and don't be sad | 0:14:44 | 0:14:49 | |
# He made the most of what he had | 0:14:49 | 0:14:52 | |
# Remember the goldfish and what he'd say | 0:14:52 | 0:14:57 | |
# Make the most of every day. # | 0:14:57 | 0:15:01 | |
It was, I dunno... one of those things that I hope | 0:15:02 | 0:15:05 | |
he will remember with affection for the rest of his life. | 0:15:05 | 0:15:09 | |
Oh, Big Howie. How did you know I was here? | 0:15:09 | 0:15:12 | |
Because I'm being broadcast on national television? | 0:15:12 | 0:15:17 | |
I was doing no such thing! | 0:15:17 | 0:15:19 | |
All that equipment was just resting in my van! | 0:15:19 | 0:15:22 | |
Don't take that attitude with me, young man! Right! | 0:15:22 | 0:15:25 | |
I'm playing a Big Howard Being Really Unprofessional montage! | 0:15:25 | 0:15:29 | |
Mrs Slough was my favourite teacher, but Mr Franks was an oily bum... | 0:15:40 | 0:15:47 | |
Mrs Slough was my favourite teacher, but Mr Franks was an... | 0:15:47 | 0:15:51 | |
But Mr Franks was a... | 0:15:51 | 0:15:54 | |
Mrs Slough was my favourite teacher, but Mr Franks was an... | 0:15:54 | 0:15:59 | |
Come on, it's not that funny! | 0:15:59 | 0:16:01 | |
Look, I can say it! | 0:16:01 | 0:16:03 | |
Oily bum chin! How hard can it be? | 0:16:03 | 0:16:06 | |
Oily bum chin, oily bum chin, oily bum chin, oily bum chin, come on! Oh, just appalling. | 0:16:06 | 0:16:12 | |
Mrs Slough was my favourite teacher, but Mr Franks was an oily bum chin. | 0:16:12 | 0:16:18 | |
Oh! What a prize flappy nerk! | 0:16:18 | 0:16:21 | |
Little Howard would never mess everything up like that. | 0:16:21 | 0:16:24 | |
He's a consomme professional. | 0:16:24 | 0:16:27 | |
Hello, what's this? | 0:16:27 | 0:16:28 | |
And he's built a Sue poo fence, Big Howard. Sorry? | 0:16:29 | 0:16:32 | |
Oh, super fence, what did I say? | 0:16:32 | 0:16:35 | |
Sounded like Sue poo fence, didn't it? | 0:16:35 | 0:16:37 | |
Like a fence made of poo, from someone called Sue. Hahaha... Eurgh. | 0:16:37 | 0:16:42 | |
Oww! It's OK, I'm fine, cancel the air ambulance, I'll be OK. | 0:16:43 | 0:16:49 | |
Seriously, I'm fine. | 0:16:49 | 0:16:51 | |
Come back. | 0:16:51 | 0:16:52 | |
MOBILE RINGS Who's left their phone on? | 0:16:52 | 0:16:54 | |
That is... Sorry, it's me and I've got to take this, it's my agent. | 0:16:54 | 0:17:00 | |
What... How much??! Sorry about that. | 0:17:00 | 0:17:05 | |
That is the most beautiful woman you've seen in your life? | 0:17:05 | 0:17:08 | |
I think you need to get... PHRRT! | 0:17:08 | 0:17:10 | |
Sorry! I did a little guff... Sorry, everybody. | 0:17:10 | 0:17:13 | |
So this is definitely perfectly safe, is it? There's no chance that I'll... | 0:17:13 | 0:17:17 | |
A-a-agh! | 0:17:17 | 0:17:20 | |
MOBILE RINGS Oh, it's me again, so sorry. | 0:17:20 | 0:17:22 | |
I should have put it on silent. | 0:17:22 | 0:17:24 | |
Where is it again? | 0:17:24 | 0:17:26 | |
Has anyone seen my phone? | 0:17:26 | 0:17:28 | |
Chuck it to me, chuck it to me... Ow! | 0:17:29 | 0:17:32 | |
That's not funny, that really hurts! Shut up! | 0:17:32 | 0:17:36 | |
MOBILE RINGS Whose phone is that? | 0:17:36 | 0:17:38 | |
I've warned you before. | 0:17:38 | 0:17:39 | |
Oh, it's me...sorry. | 0:17:39 | 0:17:41 | |
Ow! | 0:17:43 | 0:17:44 | |
Ow! | 0:17:45 | 0:17:48 | |
No, it's not funny. It's funny when it hits him. | 0:17:48 | 0:17:51 | |
When it hits me, it is not funny. | 0:17:51 | 0:17:53 | |
Hello, Dolly, how are you? | 0:17:53 | 0:17:55 | |
I'm very well, thank you very much. | 0:17:55 | 0:17:57 | |
And what are you doing for lunch? | 0:17:57 | 0:17:59 | |
Well, I'm not going to the canteen. I had a prawn sandwich there | 0:17:59 | 0:18:03 | |
the other day and it made my legs fall off. | 0:18:03 | 0:18:05 | |
What? Like this? | 0:18:05 | 0:18:08 | |
Will you stop breaking the props, Little Howard! | 0:18:08 | 0:18:10 | |
ALARM RINGS | 0:18:10 | 0:18:12 | |
Hello, everybody. | 0:18:12 | 0:18:15 | |
This is an emergency broadcast. | 0:18:15 | 0:18:17 | |
If you see this, it is because Roger The Pigeon has holed himself up | 0:18:17 | 0:18:21 | |
in the edit suite and is trying to nick all the expensive equipment. | 0:18:21 | 0:18:25 | |
He's probably also showing clips of me and Big Howard | 0:18:25 | 0:18:28 | |
trying to make us look bad. | 0:18:28 | 0:18:29 | |
Oh, heck. | 0:18:29 | 0:18:30 | |
We were pretty sure this was going to happen, so I've put | 0:18:30 | 0:18:33 | |
this tape together of people saying what they really think about Roger. | 0:18:33 | 0:18:37 | |
It also puts in an automatic call to the police. | 0:18:37 | 0:18:41 | |
Cry...go on, cry buckets! | 0:18:44 | 0:18:47 | |
Ow! | 0:18:47 | 0:18:48 | |
I don't know if Roger The Pigeon has a problem. | 0:18:48 | 0:18:51 | |
I'm sure he's good in ways, but he didn't help at all | 0:18:51 | 0:18:53 | |
when we said, "Can we have some silence?" | 0:18:53 | 0:18:55 | |
It was always Roger going on and on, going "yak-yak-yak" | 0:18:55 | 0:18:58 | |
and whether he was trying to deliberately upset... | 0:18:58 | 0:19:01 | |
He did it during Little Howard's speeches. | 0:19:01 | 0:19:03 | |
"Hold it, please. We're hearing something." | 0:19:03 | 0:19:06 | |
And he would pretend he hadn't said anything at all. | 0:19:06 | 0:19:09 | |
Oh, feathers. | 0:19:09 | 0:19:10 | |
Hiya, flappy legs. | 0:19:11 | 0:19:13 | |
Hiya, bloke in a dress who's with flappy legs. | 0:19:13 | 0:19:16 | |
This is Margaret! | 0:19:16 | 0:19:17 | |
That's a funny name for a bloke. | 0:19:17 | 0:19:20 | |
Little Howard will make you a tea. Roger will spit in it, you know? | 0:19:20 | 0:19:23 | |
Or nick your sandwiches. I had a cheese butty that I was saving | 0:19:23 | 0:19:27 | |
for after the scene, and I got there and it had a beak bite out of it. | 0:19:27 | 0:19:30 | |
Play the game - you're either part of the team or you're not. | 0:19:30 | 0:19:33 | |
He doesn't really play his part and I'm hungry. | 0:19:33 | 0:19:35 | |
Shut it, Harwood. | 0:19:35 | 0:19:38 | |
I think he might have heard that. Erm... | 0:19:38 | 0:19:41 | |
THEY SHOUT | 0:19:41 | 0:19:45 | |
ROGER LAUGHS | 0:19:45 | 0:19:48 | |
It's nice not being with Roger cos I don't feel sick all the time. | 0:19:50 | 0:19:53 | |
Oi! Shorty, why the face like a slapped pig? | 0:19:53 | 0:19:56 | |
Even just thinking about Roger, ooh... I just get that feeling again. | 0:19:56 | 0:20:01 | |
Oh, when he does that thing with his neck. | 0:20:01 | 0:20:04 | |
Well, get a load of this. | 0:20:04 | 0:20:06 | |
Oohhhh...he's disgusting. | 0:20:06 | 0:20:10 | |
Is that all right, Roger? Could you stop pecking the eyes out of Donna? | 0:20:10 | 0:20:14 | |
He doesn't like it. | 0:20:14 | 0:20:15 | |
He is definitely on the naughty list. | 0:20:19 | 0:20:22 | |
He will not be receiving anything on Christmas Eve for quite a while. | 0:20:22 | 0:20:26 | |
Oh, come on! I'm not that bad. | 0:20:26 | 0:20:28 | |
No, you're worse, and you're coming with us, you horrible pigeon. | 0:20:28 | 0:20:32 | |
-What have I done?! -Have a look at this, for starters. | 0:20:32 | 0:20:35 | |
Oh, come on! That's not fair! You're taking that out of context! | 0:20:35 | 0:20:38 | |
That's the idea of a clip show, sonny. | 0:20:38 | 0:20:42 | |
Get off! It's a wind up, it's a fit up, it's a stitch up! | 0:20:42 | 0:20:46 | |
-Shut up! -Agh! Get off! | 0:20:46 | 0:20:49 | |
# It's amazing how quickly it all turns to smoke | 0:20:49 | 0:20:51 | |
# One day you are famous The next you're a joke. | 0:20:51 | 0:20:54 | |
# One minute you're someone The next you're that bloke | 0:20:54 | 0:20:57 | |
# This is your moment Hold onto your moment | 0:20:57 | 0:20:59 | |
# You must woo the public You have to convince her | 0:20:59 | 0:21:02 | |
# If you don't then he will She'll not be a spinster | 0:21:02 | 0:21:04 | |
There's plenty more people To put through the mincer | 0:21:04 | 0:21:06 | |
# Is this your moment? You can't miss your moment! | 0:21:06 | 0:21:09 | |
# Fa-a-amous! | 0:21:09 | 0:21:10 | |
# We are fa-a-amous! | 0:21:10 | 0:21:13 | |
# You can na-a-ame us | 0:21:13 | 0:21:15 | |
# But could you name us this time tomorrow? | 0:21:15 | 0:21:19 | |
# This is your moment before they shout "next" | 0:21:19 | 0:21:21 | |
# Before you're evicted by phone or by text. | 0:21:21 | 0:21:24 | |
# Before you're at home and alone and perplexed | 0:21:24 | 0:21:27 | |
# Thinking "Was that my moment? Did I miss my moment?" | 0:21:27 | 0:21:29 | |
# Famous | 0:21:29 | 0:21:30 | |
# We think we're famous | 0:21:30 | 0:21:33 | |
# But you're nameless | 0:21:33 | 0:21:35 | |
# Puppet-master is getting all your money | 0:21:35 | 0:21:39 | |
# Famous We're so famous | 0:21:39 | 0:21:43 | |
# And I'm shameless | 0:21:43 | 0:21:46 | |
# About chewing you up To stay on the top | 0:21:46 | 0:21:49 | |
# It wasn't your moment In fact it was mine! | 0:21:49 | 0:21:52 | |
# I have been in charge all of the time! | 0:21:52 | 0:21:57 | |
# Famous We're so famous | 0:21:57 | 0:22:00 | |
# A-a-ah. # | 0:22:00 | 0:22:03 | |
Have I said too much? | 0:22:03 | 0:22:05 | |
I never could resist a catchy tune and a soliloquy. | 0:22:05 | 0:22:09 | |
Has he been arrested yet? I'll just look down the camera. | 0:22:09 | 0:22:14 | |
Is this one of those cameras you can see through the telly? | 0:22:14 | 0:22:17 | |
Oh, yes, it is... Oi! | 0:22:17 | 0:22:19 | |
You in Dundee, stop picking your nose! | 0:22:19 | 0:22:22 | |
That's revolting. | 0:22:22 | 0:22:24 | |
That's not how you do it, you do it with this finger. | 0:22:24 | 0:22:26 |