How Can I Learn Superpowers? Little Howard's Big Question

Catch must be the best game in the world!

You don't think after about two hours,

it can get a little bit boring?

That says more about you than it does about the noble game of catch.

-Why can't we just try kicking it?

-Because you're rubbish at kicking.

-Remember what happened at the park?

-Ple-e-ase!

-Kicking can be fun too.

SMASH!

Ah. Well, that ball obviously wasn't a perfect sphere.

You kicked it into Evil Harry Wheeler's garden -

the place from which no ball ever returns.

I've heard he's a bit grumpy... but I'm sure it'll be fine.

DOG BARKS Uh-oh! We've woken his Hound Of Hell!

It's a sausage dog.

His Sausage Dog of Hell!

There's only one thing for it.

Yeah, I just get a broom,

reach over, and poke at it ineffectually...for ages.

-DOG GROWLS

-No! Down, boy!

HOOTER BLARES

I, Little Howard,

have come up with another of my Bi-i-i-i-i-ig Questions!

How can I learn Superpowers?

SINISTER GRUMBLING Oh, no! It's Harry Wheeler!

# I love monkeys, I love monkeys

# All those happy little chirpy little monkeys

# With their tails and their bananas

# I think that if we all were monkeys

# We'd have happier mananas

# Give me monkeys, lots of monkeys

# For you know that it's the monkeys I adore

# If my love said that she did not love those monkeys

# I wouldn't love her any more! #

Thank you very much!

Where are all the monkeys?

-They've all attained the superpower of invisibility.

-Are you sure?

There's a lot of monkeys in the canteen

laughing and throwing biscuits at each other.

No, they've been cloned by an evil villain super-scientist.

Isn't that right, lads?

Lads?

They're all nodding now...I imagine.

Big Howard! No time to explain!

Did I escape from a dying planet of superhuman beings,

and fall to Earth in a meteorite?

-Um, no.

-Oh...right.

So, I'm not secretly Superman. OK.

Have I ever been bitten by a radioactive spider?

You're not Spiderman either.

Why do you need superpowers just to get your ball back?

Because you kicked it into the garden of an evil mad super villain.

I'm sure he's very nice once you get to know him.

They said that about Dr Octopus, when he was Medical Student Octopus!

People who said it got their heads ripped off eight times!

He is not a super-villain.

I admit I've never actually seen him properly,

-and his garden is in a shocking state.

-He's waiting to pounce now,

sharpening his solid crystalline mandibles.

He is not sharpening his solid crystalline mandibles!

He's just a man, and I think the fence might have fallen on his dog.

We should check it's all right.

Everyone knows Harry Wheeler's dog is immortal.

I'm amazed he didn't eviscerate you

-with a single swipe of his adamantine claw.

-What?

To the secret lair!

That's it, I'm burning his comics.

Your secret lair looks a lot like the living room.

That is its genius!

It's even got you fooled.

I saw your ball go over Harry Wheeler's fence,

so I started researching how you can attain superpowers, Little Howard.

Thank you. At least someone's thinking straight.

Why are you both petrified of Harry Wheeler?

Haven't you heard about Harry Wheeler?

His spit is so acidic it can burn through the hull of a spaceship!

-As for his wee.

-Where are you two getting all this nonsense from?

-Boy down the swings.

-Oh, not him again!

Yes, him again. Right, Mother.

How do I get my ball back?

Well, Harry Wheeler sleeps upside down,

recharging his bionic energy cells

with electricity he gets from the very core of the Earth.

-Of course.

-Unbelievable.

-Our only hope

is to enter under cover of darkness. We need night vision!

What, like X-Zam, Ray-Vision and The Invigilator?

Who are they?!

They're crime-fighting super-heroes with superhuman sight.

These are rubbish. They look like they were dawn by a six-year-old!

They were!

-Ah.

-I've ordered night vision goggles which will give you

the superpower of seeing in the dark,

and I've also ordered you thermal imaging goggles.

Why would I want to see Harry Wheeler's thermals?

No, no, thermal imaging goggles can see heat.

-They should be arriving about...

-DOORBELL RINGS

How are the thermal imaging goggles working out for you, Little Howard?

They'll help you see Darth Wheeler and his dog

by the heat they give off.

They show different temperatures as different coloured blobs.

So I'll be able to see him in the dark!

Yes, unless he's part polar bear.

Ah, yes, of course!

-Why?

-Well, because of their thick skin and fur, polar bears give off

very little body heat so they're almost completely invisible

to thermal goggles, except their nose!

I think this whole thing is ridiculous.

And I'm not remotely interested.

BANGING FROM OUTSIDE

He's not making those noises again, is he?

You've heard these noises before?

Yeah. Bloke down the Post Office

reckons he's building a home-made conservatory

-and he hasn't got permission from the council.

-The fiend!

I'm going in, Big Howard.

I've got my night vision and thermo-sensitive super-power goggles.

Wish me luck.

You sure you wouldn't rather stay here

and help me write a stiffly worded letter to the planning authorities?

BANGING CONTINUES

EVIL GRUMBLING

It sounds like he's building something! But what?!

Switching to night vision!

Oh, I can't see... (I can't see where he is properly.)

Switching to heat-sensitive thermal imaging.

Brilliant! Right. Now to find my ball.

But that won't give off any heat, so returning to night vision.

Always check the whereabouts of your enemies.

If the ball's not here, maybe it's hidden in his evil shed...lair.

He's not an evil super villain. He's not. He's not.

He's not an evil super villain. He's not an...

What if he is an evil super villain?! Little Howard!

Oh, my goodness!

It's all true!

But still no ball.

Better keep a thermal eye out for his hell hound from hell.

Negative hell-hound sightings, just got... Oh, dear.

No, no. Please don't sneeze.

No. I can't. At-choo!

Oh, dear, I've switched to night vision.

Oh, no. That's snot.

EVIL GRUMBLING

Run, Little Howard!

-They say he's got swords for arms!

-Aggh!

EVIL GRUMBLING

-What happened then?!

-I sneezed and blew my cover clean off.

Typical! Why is it you only ever sneeze when you have to stay silent?

I think I might be allergic to being quiet.

You won't believe what I saw in his shed!

Not...plans for an unsightly lean-to that overlooks our garden?

-No! Plans for a flying death machine!

-Oh, that's all right then. ..What?!

You have angered the beast

and you must be prepared to face him in mortal combat.

-But he'll slice me to slithereens!

-Then you need the superpowers

-of limb regeneration and super-human strength.

-Oh, for heaven's sake!

Like Wolverine. Brilliant.

I expect you've already ordered those superpowers online

and they're about to arrive...any second...now?

No! But these superpowers do exist in nature.

In the year 2006, a baby called Liam was born in Michigan in America

-with super-human strength!

-Oh.

He could do complicated gymnastics at the age of five months,

and by the age of three he punched a hole in a wall during a tantrum.

Wow! He has super strength and he can he re-grow his limbs?

No. But some things can, like sea slugs and salamanders.

Brilliant!

Ha! You missed me completely. Oh.

Ha-ha-ha! You'll never play catch again!

I wouldn't be too sure, Harry Wheeler!

OK, Mother,

give me the powers of super-human strength and limb regeneration.

Ah. I'm afraid there's no way for humans to re-grow limbs yet.

Oh. What about that super strong toddler?

Can you make me into one of those?

I'm afraid that's just a very rare genetic disorder.

There are only about 100 people born with it in the world.

So...all that was a complete waste of time, then?

Yes. Interesting, though, wasn't it?

BANGING OUTSIDE

He's at it again.

What are we going to do?!

I know. Why don't we, um...pretend it's not happening,

lock all the doors and go to bed.

Good plan. THEY BOTH SCREAM

HE POURS A DRINK

HE GASPS

Big Howard, Big Howard!

"Keep out, dog squashers"?

He's built a super fence, Big Howard!

A man who fixes something as soon as it's broken?

He's definitely not human.

Right. This is serious.

We need to learn a superpower to climb over this.

-Wall crawling? Like Spiderman?

-Well, fence-crawling, to be precise.

I've seen this done. We need four plungers and sticky double-tape.

To the gaudily coloured DIY store on the outskirts of town.

I've got my unnecessarily gaudy plungers

and my sticky tape, I'll be up that wall in no time.

Where have you seen this done before, Big Howard?

Um...I think it might have been a cartoon.

I'm not so sure you've quite got those right, mate.

What do you know about climbing walls

using the power of vacuum, clever pants?

I'm Jem Stansfield.

I built vacuum-climbing gloves for Bang Goes The Theory.

Oh, BBC1's flagship Top Gear-style hands-on fun science programme?

You've got it. You're on the right lines with vacuums,

but what I had was two vacuum cleaner motors strapped to my back

that then sucked out the air from pads attached to my hands

and stuck me to walls.

Have you been watching the same cartoons as Big Howard?

-If you mean Spiderman, yes, we've all watched it.

-Prove it, then.

-Put your money where your mouth is.

-They're in the van.

To the van!

-The van's that way.

-Sorry.

That is never going to work.

-How about we settle this with a straight race to the top?

-You're on.

Well, I think you're both going to die,

so I'm going to video you and put it on the internet.

-Much appreciated.

-On your marks, get set, go!

Wow! Look at that!

It actually sticks him to the wall!

He's just had a lucky head-start. I'll catch him up in a minute.

What you need is the vacuum cleaner to create low pressure

on this side of the pad, so the air around us slams into the wall,

and it holds me pretty well.

It seems unlikely, but it works.

He made it all the way! That's amazing!

Cor!

Do you think he'll let me borrow it?

Only if he's massively irresponsible.

Good luck. Do be careful.

Wow! Look at me, Big Howard.

I'm Spiderman! I'm the Vacuumiser!

I'm...doomed!

Oh, dear! This is why they say you shouldn't try this at home!

Arrrrrgh!

Oh! Ow! Oh!

CRASH!

THEY BOTH SCREAM

Oh, no! They've knackered Harry Wheeler's fence again!

I've heard he trebles in size when he's angry,

seeing in the dark and wall crawling haven't helped.

Can they find a superpower that will get little Howard's ball back?

Find out after this message from our sponsors.

Are you fed up with not having a superpower?

Would you like the ability to turn water into ice

with a single touch of your finger?

Do you want to become Snowman?

Then simply touch the water in that tray.

Wow!

Will that happen every time I touch water?

No. It happened because I spent ages dissolving sodium acetate

in hot water and chilling it in the fridge.

It's called an exothermic reaction.

Oh, and by the way, you look stupid in those pants.

SMASH!

Without a fence we're completely fence-less.

I mean defenceless. Actually, we're both.

With the fence down, it should be easier to get my ball.

If we could somehow slip through unnoticed.

-You could create an invisibility shield.

-They don't exist, Mother.

-Oh, yes, they do!

-Mother said they do, so they definitely don't.

Ah, but they do! Susumu Tachi from the University of Tokyo

has created an invisibility cloak.

A camera records a background image, then projects it onto you.

The cloak you wear is made of a substance called retro-reflectum,

-specially designed to capture the projected image.

-That's amazing...

if a little bit long-winded.

-Have we got a retro-reflectum cloak, then?

-Oh!

Well, let's see what we can rustle up.

Why do I have to do this one?

I'm not big enough to carry the telly.

Does it work?

-Am I invisible?

-Um, no,

but I'm sure I wouldn't be able to see you if you were further away...

like...Alaska.

Now, get in there and fetch my ball.

Brilliant! It's working!

Who needs an expensive retro reflector cloak

when you can film what's behind you on a camcorder

and show it on a telly in front of you?

Nothing can possibly go wrong. SIREN BLARES

A police car!

Sounds like it's stopped outside Harry Wheeler's house.

Finally the law is catching up with the fiend.

Oh, dear! Oh, let's see.

Has this got it?

-How about now, is that the right channel?!

-Stop shouting!

-I am supposed to be invisible.

-What about now?

I'm not invisible, am I?

No. May I ask you what you're doing, sir?

I'm getting my ball back, officer.

-Sergeant, actually.

-Sorry, Sergeant Actually.

At last the bungling police department

have caught up with Harry Wheeler's dastardly crimes!

Are these the culprits, Mr Wheeler?

Yeah, that's them hooligans, Sarge! Just pop that down there.

-Us?! You're the evil mad super criminal!

-They won't leave me alone!

They've broken my fence twice, squashed my dog,

they've crept all over my garden.

Those swords on his arms look a bit like crutches.

They're dumping equipment on my property! Why?

Have a look in his shed.

-There are plans in there for building a flying death machine.

-Yeah.

There's nothing in my shed except some smokeless fuel,

some magazines, and plans for me model Harrier jump jet.

Oh. Well, where's my ball, then?

-Was that it?

-OK.

You might not have been planning to rain terror from the skies,

but you've burst our ball,

-which in a way is worse.

-I didn't do it!

I found it my dog's mouth, after you'd squashed him under the fence.

-Sorry, is he all right?

-He'll be fine.

He's going to be shorter. I blame the big 'un!

He shouldn't be allowed to be in charge of a child. He's incapable.

-How dare you?!

-In cape-able?!

Yes, young man! You need proper supervision!

-Supervision!?

-Yes!

You know like a proper supervisor!

Of course! A super visor,

that could fire lasers out of my eyes,

and make me fly at super-human speed!

What's he going on about?

# I could go to any length if I had super-human strength

# I'd be so safe from harm if I could just re-grow an arm

# I'd probably be all right if I could see at night

# But I know what I need to save the day!

# I need a super visor!

# It's the only thing that will get me through

# A super visor

# Put them on and they'll show me what to do

# A super visor

# Super visor will help me to see the light

# A super visor

# It will show me that everything's all right

# I would never face defeat if I could see your body heat

# I'd be good at self defence if I could only climb a fence

# I wouldn't be so miserable if I could be invisible

# But I know what I need to save the day

# I need a super visor

# It's the only thing that will get me through

# A super visor

# Put them on and they'll show me what to do

# A super visor

# A super visor will help me to see the light

# A super visor

# Show me everything is all right It'll knock me into shape!

# Cos I'm shape-able! It's going to put me in a cape!

# I'm in-cape-able! In-cape-able! In-cape-able!

# A super visor

# It's the only thing that will get me through

# A super visor

# Put them on and they'll show me what to do

# A super visor

# It will blow their evil plans open wide

# A super visor

# When you're wearing your underpants outside! #

Little Howard, that's not what those words mean.

A supervisor is someone who organises people,

and incapable is someone who's rubbish at something.

OK, but I think you'll find those definitions

are just the words' secret identities.

Oh. ..What?!

That's it. I'm moving.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd