It's Not You, It's Me Lockie Leonard

# Worlds away from anyone

# They were burning themselves out in the sun

# Worlds away from anyone

# They were burning themselves out in the sun

# There was just enough to get that far away

# Ooh... #

I'm Lockie Leonard. This is my show and tell

and I've brought something pretty cool to show you.

This is my new car. It's a vintage 1962 combi van.

The ultimate surfing safari vehicle. A total classic.

Actually, I'm fibbing about the car.

I don't have a car. Although one day I will have one, just like this.

What I do have is... Well, I have a few problems.

Check it out.

First off, I live near a polluted river.

My friend Egg and I went swimming there and I got really sick.

And puked. That's a problem.

And then there's my girlfriend, Dot.

This is her. She's eleven. And in primary school.

She doesn't care about the pollution in the river.

Egg's right. Dot doesn't care about anything. Besides surfing.

My problem is, I want to break up with Dot but I don't know how.

What do you say?

Now, I would ask my mum... But she's...

She's been acting weird lately.

Dad! But it's Captain Chicken!

Not like some who-cares kind of show that we can afford to miss.

It's not like the news! We're talking about the Captain.

The chicken!

Dad!

Breakwater. Seven down is breakwater.

Three across. "Three pouched marsupial starting with V". Anyone?

We're witnessing the dawn of creation, the birth of the universe.

I'm doing him at school today, at show and tell.

I have to watch this. For research!

'Tougher than tough! Hotter than hot!

'I am Captain Chick-ENN!'

Mum! I need five minutes of the Captain! Just five minutes!

Be your own captain. Be your own Captain Chicken.

Oh!

Sarge.

What's up with Mum? She's been staring at the TV for days.

-People do that all the time.

-Yeah, but when it's tuned to a channel.

Your mother's...

a visionary. Eat your breakfast.

'I can tell when Sarge is fibbing. And he was fibbing right now.

'He was worried about Mum but trying to hide it.

'Which meant he must have been really worried.'

Come on, I'll walk you to school.

You're supposed to keep show and tell to five minutes max.

But people go on. And on! It was supposed to be my turn two weeks ago.

But Deano Flegg brought in this crayfish thing and banged on forever!

Then I missed out last week too.

Why are you coming to MY school?

Are you coming to see Dot?

Wow. That's romance.

Hardly. I'm going to break up with her.

After all the work I did getting you together?

-You wanna talk about it?

-Yeah, I wanna talk about it.

With Dot.

BELL RINGS

Hold this. I'll go get her for you.

What are you doing?

-Hey.

-Hey. Dot, listen.

-I need to talk to you.

-I really need a favour. Yeah, OK.

-But I need to talk to you.

-We can talk later.

Where are you taking me? What's the favour?

I just need your help with something. I'm desperate.

OK. My name is Dot and this is my show and tell.

Thank you, Dot, for being so on the ball. Please continue.

I've brought something pretty special. This is my boyfriend.

His name is Lockie.

ALL: Oooh!

-Shhh, quiet everyone.

-We've been together for...

two weeks? Anyway,

Lockie can tell you all about it.

'I wished I could crawl into the ground and disappear

'Bet this never happened to Captain Chicken.'

Hey, cradle snatcher!

'By the end of the day, the gossip network was cranked to full tilt.

'Everybody knew about my latest disaster.'

'Including Vicki Streeton.'

Show and tell. Dot's hardcore. Man, she's hardcore.

Hey, it's Mr Show and Tell. Right out of primary school.

You wanna make a run for it?

Captain Chicken wouldn't run.

Be your own captain. Be your own Captain Chicken.

-GIRLY VOICE:

-Lockie, could you please be my show and tell, please?

You tell me something and I'll show you something.

LAUGHTER

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

I am Captain Chicken!

LAUGHTER

I...am Captain Chicken!

HE CROWS LIKE A CHICKEN

HE CROWS

I think...I just got...

pecked.

'Tougher than tough, harder than hard.

'This Captain Chicken thing was working for me!'

My name's Boof and this is show and tell.

And what I'm showing are my-m-m-my boots.

As you can see,

I'm shaking in my boots because I messed with Captain Chicken.

And believe me, don't mess with Captain Chicken. You'll regret it.

You took Boof down! I still don't understand how you did it.

It's Captain Chicken.

The moment you become your own captain, you get the job done.

Ha-ha! Right on, Captain!

-Follow me.

-As the egg follows the chicken!

Where ARE we going, Captain?

I'm going to break up with Dot.

'OK, so I was a little nervous. But Dot will be fine, right?

'She's got other interests. Surfing, cartoons. She's...

'Standing right in front of me.'

Hi.

He was just talking about you.

-You said you wanted to talk to me about something.

-I did?

Really? Are you sure about that?

-EGG CLUCKS LIKE A CHICKEN

-No.

Actually, I did.

I have something to say.

I am Captain Chicken.

I'm Captain Chicken!

'Oh, where'd he go? The Captain can't bail on me now!'

I wanted to talk to you about...

The pollution. At the factory.

What about it?

We have to do something about it.

Is that all you wanted?

It's important.

I'm going for a surf.

-You wanna come?

-I can't.

I have to go to a meeting. At the factory.

You know... Sort the whole thing out.

-Can I see you later?

-Yeah. Yeah.

See you later.

Yeah. Captain Chicken sure showed her(!)

-You need to pick the right moment to become the Captain.

-Right.

-And since when have we got a meeting at the factory?

-Since now.

Boys!

Wally Norton.

I was at your meeting the other day about the pollution in the river.

You made a great speech.

-Thanks! Thanks a lot.

-No, thank YOU.

It's great what you're doing. Have you spoken to anyone at the factory?

We're thinking of going up there today, to have a meeting.

-Apparently.

-Do it. Get up there.

Give those pirates a serve. Don't let them lie to you.

They're running that factory under strict environmental guidelines.

-You reckon?

-Course they're not!

That's just the sort of rubbish they'll tell you.

But don't you believe them. You gotta be tough.

'I could do tough.

'As long as it doesn't involve dumping anyone, I'm there.'

Gotta be tough.

Gotta believe.

I...am Captain Chicken.

We're going to sort out this pollution.

-We're going to be tough!

-Hard!

-Straight up.

-No nonsense.

-I'm Captain Chicken.

-And I'm the Eggmeister.

And we...want...answers!

'Tougher than tough.

'Harder than hard.'

-You again.

-You don't know what you're messing with. Listen, buddy...

He's the Captain.

This factory is polluting the river. And we want answers.

-This factory's not polluting anything.

-Yeah, it is.

You can see where the outflow pipe pours into the river.

That's not used.

-We operate under strict environmental guidelines.

-Rubbish!

That's exactly what I've been told to expect from you.

-You tell him, Captain.

-You won't get away with it.

We'll protest. We'll...

-We'll protest some more.

-Exactly. So you better look out.

I'll be back.

'So, Captain Chicken was making real progress

'in his fight against the factory.

'But he still hadn't helped me break the news to Dot.

'But it's gonna happen.

'I'm sure of it. Once I've had a surf.'

-Lockie. Just in time. We're having a mixed grill.

-Again?

No such thing as too much mixed grill!

Where's Mum?

Look at this.

'While I was trying to figure out

'how to cure Mum's obsession with the blank TV,

'The Eggmeister was having mum problems of his own.'

My name's Mrs Egg and this is my show and tell.

I spent years working at my art.

I had a whole bunch of stuff I wanted to show.

And so much to tell.

But then nobody wanted to buy it.

And so I started to think that none of it was any good.

And so I sold it all for scrap.

And now...

there's nothing to show.

And nothing to tell.

What about you, Joy?

My name is Joy Leonard.

And as far as I'm concerned...

this is the ultimate show and tell.

Show and tell sucks. I never get to have my turn.

-I wish I could say the same.

-Dot's was the one.

-Everyone loved it. They talked about it all day.

-Phillip.

I don't need to hear about it.

-At least you got your turn.

-I didn't get a turn.

I was the show. And the tell.

I don't care. I'm Captain Chicken.

I'm Captain Chicken.

-I'm Captain Chicken.

-I'm Captain Chicken.

-I'M Captain Chicken!

-I'M Captain Chicken!

-I'M Captain Chicken!

-You suck.

Big ones.

WATER RUNNING

Mum! MUM!

Sweetheart.

Did you leave the plug in the sink?

-Hmm. Possibly.

-And you didn't see it overflowing?

It's a wonder I can see anything at all.

Our eyes are constantly being bombarded

with electromagnetic radiation hitting our planet.

Your mum's just a bit tired. She...needs more sleep.

Mum!

What I reckon you need... is a project.

Hey. I've got a plan to fix everything.

Our mums, the river, the whole lot.

'Egg and I gave our mums their own private show and tell.

'We told them the pollution's coming from the factory,

'pouring waste straight into the river.

'If we plugged up the pipe,

'then the waste would go back up into the factory.

'Teach them a lesson.

'Then Egg showed how he'd saved

'his mum's welding gear from the scrap pile.

'I came up with something for us to weld.

'Sometimes, too much mixed grill really IS enough.

'We were ready to get to work.'

This is great.

My mum's out of the house and your mum's welding again.

And soon enough, we'll be able to swim here again.

-Without puking.

-You can swim.

I'll just, um, supervise.

Except for one thing...

We were swimming up there at the bridge.

Not down here.

-Same river.

-Yeah, but that's upriver.

-And rivers don't usually flow uphill.

-Exactly.

So how did the pollution get up there?

-Maybe the tide pushed it up there.

-Tide doesn't go up that far.

If the pollution isn't coming from the factory...

Where's it coming from?

Have you noticed that the river is getting skinnier?

-FAINT WHIRRING

-Shhh. Listen... Come on.

Private property? Must be a private lake or something on the other side.

Yeah. And if there is, it's not supposed to be there.

How do you know that?

Well, by the looks of it, it's been dammed. Totally unnatural.

And if it has, no wonder the rest of the river's polluted.

-No flow.

-No flow?

-If fresh water doesn't have flow, it gets sick.

-Like a fish tank without a filter?

-Yeah. It goes green

and starts to pong and before you know it,

you're flushing dead fish down the toilet.

How do you know so much about this?

I read all the stuff John East gave us. To impress Dot.

Ha! That's sad, man. Really sad.

Ha, ha! Man, you've got to put her out of her misery.

I know. I'm going to. After. Come on Eggmeister.

-Let's take a closer look.

-Right behind you, Captain.

I am Captain Chicken!

Hey, Captain. You were right!

HE LAUGHS

Whoa!

Hey!

-What are you up to?

-We're just looking at this dam.

Someone reckons it's, um, unnatural.

Who reckons?

-The Captain.

-The Captain?

-This is an illegal dam!

-Rubbish. This is a private watercourse

-and it's perfect for my jet ski.

-You lied to us!

-You're a traitor.

-Listen!

Two things. One, this is private property. Two, you guys are leaving.

-Right now!

-Fine. We're leaving.

-But the Captain hasn't finished with you yet.

-Yeah, what he said.

I'll be back. Come on, Eggmeister, let's go.

'When Egg and I arrived back,

'our mums hadn't finished sealing up the factory pipe yet.

'But we didn't say anything. It was Captain Chicken's best idea yet.'

-Woo-hoo!

-Yes!

'Then he had an even better one.'

Phillip? It's time for your show and tell.

Way to go, Corporal Phillip!

Phillip?

-Phillip!

-Woo-hoo!

-That was awesome! Haw-haw!

-Are you OK?

-Oh, yeah!

I'm Captain Chicken.

-You're so not Captain Chicken.

-I AM Captain Chicken!

Hey, Lockie. Check this out.

Flow.

-Well done, mate. You restored the flow!

-Yeah!

-Yeah!

-Yeah!

-Woo!

-Whoa.

-Oh yeah!

-Ha-ha.

-Woo!

-Yeah! Yes!

-Yeah, well done.

Phillip?

I heard a rumour today. About an illegal dam being destroyed.

-You should never believe rumours, Sarge.

-Uh-huh.

Where the devil did I put it?

So, what are you gonna do? About the dam?

Well, we've arrested the owner, Wally Norton.

He's been charged with illegal dam building,

water siphoning. But, uh...

As far as dam-busting goes...

I trust that sort of thing won't be happening again.

Sure, Sarge. Even though I have no idea what you're talking about.

Anyone seen my barbecue hotplate? Can't find it anywhere.

I'm Captain Chicken.

I AM Captain Chicken.

LOCKIE GROANS

'OK. So Captain Chicken chickened out on me.

'Again!

'I guess this is something I have to do on my own.

'But how do you tell someone

'you don't want to hang around them any more?

'It's cruel. Like hurting an innocent baby lamb.

'I can't hurt an innocent baby lamb... Can I?'

Dot. I've been thinking.

A lot. About stuff.

'Oh, no!

'Look at those eyes, the eyes of a lamb!'

-'I can't hurt her like this.'

-What have you been thinking about?

I think I need more space.

-What are you talking about?

-I just don't think I'm ready

-for anything too full-on right now.

-The waves aren't that big.

-No!

I mean, look...

It's us. No! It's not you that's the problem, Dot, it's me.

I don't know what you're talking about,

but, Lockie, I think we need to break up.

'Hang on. Excuse me? How did that happen? I was meant to dump HER!'

I wanna stop being your girlfriend. We're better off as friends,

that's all. Are you OK with that?

-I guess so.

-Cool.

Well, let's go for a surf.

'OK. Status report. Suddenly, all my problems?

'They were gone! There was nothing left to show and tell.

'And so, there was only one thing left to do.'

Subtitles by Sean Welsh Red Bee Media Ltd

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