Boredom Busters Lockie Leonard

# Worlds away from anyone

# They were burning themselves out in the sun

# Worlds away from anyone

# They were burning themselves out in the sun

# There was just enough to get that far away

# Ooh... #

Right then. Friends.

Today I thought we'd chew the fat

about something we all need to find time for in our busy bee lives.

Charity.

-LOCKIE:

-'It had been a quiet week in Angelus.

'Boredom had struck. No shark attacks, no alien invasion.

'No TV celebrities popping into the fish shop.'

..to those less fortunate amongst us.

(Of course, he's talking about the Leonards.)

'Which meant no-one had anything to talk about except us.

'It seemed the whole town

'was gossiping about the Leonard family difficulties.

'Mum Leonard had dropped her bundle.

'She'd gone round the twist, completely cuckoo-lulu.

'Ended up in the loony bin.

'And who could blame her, really, with a family like that?

-'Poetry-reading policeman for a husband...'

-Helloooo!

'A little one who eats anything that's not tied down.

'The middle one, Philip, still wetting the bed at his age.'

Aaaaargh! Lockie!

'And Lockie? Weirdest of the lot.

'No wonder Vicki got rid of him.

'We weren't coping...apparently.

'House was a bombsite.

'Apparently.

'Coming apart at the seams, apparently.'

-Morning!

-'According to the blabbermouths,

-'we were charity cases for sure.'

-PHONE RINGS

BABY RETCHES

-Ugh!

-'Yep, it was like the whole town was busy

'writing a movie about how bad things were for us.

'Coming soon to a big screen near you - The Loopy Leonards.

'Starring in...'

-Give me a C! ALL:

-C!

-Give me an H!

-H!

-Give me an A!

-A!

-Give me an R!

-R!

-Give me an I!

-I!

-Give me a T!

-T!

-Give me a Y!

-Y!

-What does it spell?

ALL: Charity!

ALL CHEER

'So, the script had been written.

'Might as well see what they cooked up.

'Scene one. We open at the Loopy Leonards' home.

'The sun was setting.

'The mozzies had started dive-bombing in squadrons.

'And then...'

'An anonymous kind soul had left a food offering on the doorstep.'

Mmmmm! Lamb!

BAAAAA!

Or it could be beef.

Mmm, yes, definitely beef.

Sarge...I want to go see Mum tomorrow.

Oh...I can't get away.

I've let things slide a bit down at the station.

Why can't I go on my own?

Egg went to Perth to see his mum on his own.

Oh, well...we'll see.

-Which basically means no.

-I just... I just don't want to upset her.

-Upset her with me?!

-With anything.

Lord, if I had my way, I'd be camped under her bed day and night.

How does...maybe sound?

Mmm!

-Lamb, is it?

-Not if you're talking to Cyril, it's not.

You made lamb casserole.

Found it on the step.

Hmm!

'Hang on. Where had I seen that casserole dish before?'

-Vicki?

-Lockie...

-What brings you to these corridors?

-Oh, I'm just, um...helping out.

-What are you doing?!

-I'm not hungry.

Cross-country race on Monday, Lock. You'll need energy to win.

Have you seen me run?

He turns down the first decent meal in two weeks.

And people think I'M the weird one!

BABY GRIZZLES

-That casserole was from Vicki Streeton.

-I always liked her.

And in the morning, you're gonna take the dish back

-and tell her we don't want any more.

-Um...why would I do that?

Because...I don't want to be just another one of her charity cases.

Clear? So tomorrow, take back the dish,

-and tell her to butt out.

-And if I don't?

'Scene two. Our hero makes his younger brother an offer

'he can't refuse.'

You'll be sorry.

Not maybe...

Will be.

'Which takes us to scene three.

'Set at the glamorous home of the casserole queen herself.

'Our hero sends his younger brother to do his dirty work.

'Not very heroic, I know. But I couldn't face Vicki.'

'I was afraid of what I might do - throw myself at her knees,

'beg for more charity.

'But Vicki wasn't the only one with charity on the mind.

'Suddenly the whole town was keen to get in on the act.'

Can we fire it up and start on the grass please, mate.

Good to see you, ladies.

Stand back there, son.

That's our letterbox!

We've had to get drastic, my boy.

'This isn't happening!

'Random old ladies from church are not folding my undies!'

Grab a shovel, young man and lend a hand.

That's what this town's all about - helping the needy.

But I live here.

Ah, which one are you again?

'I told Mr Streeton he could keep his shovel

'and left him and the rest of the do-gooders behind.

'I had somewhere more important to be.'

Archie! Man, it's good to see ya.

Never get any faster, do you Arch?

No, guess not.

-Here to see your mum?

-Yeah.

On yer, mate. They love that, mums do.

Makes 'em feel better knowing there's nothing wrong -

that everything's purring along smoothly at home.

'Don't talk about the mess.'

'Don't talk about the do-gooders. Don't talk about the letterbox.

'Don't talk about the casserole.

'Don't talk about not coping.'

So how are you all coping at home?

Yeah, good.

'Quick, talk about something cheerful.

'Create a diversion.'

So good that I entered the cross-country.

The race is tomorrow so...

Yeah, should be good.

-You hate cross-country.

-No, I love it.

I know I used to hate it but I found it's kind of relaxing.

'Not to mention totally compulsory!'

-Relaxing?!

-Yeah.

Just the repetition, or something.

'Scene 4. Hero attempts to pull wool over mother's eyes.'

'Mum didn't buy it for a minute.

'Note to the writers -

'wool-pulling scenes should be left for Cyril.'

< BAAA!

Alligator mincemeat, crocodile pie

V-I-C-T-O-R-Y!

Can we win it? Yes we can!

We're here to cheer for the Patterson house!

Yo, Patterson!

I would give that 9.5 out of 10. Very good.

One tiny suggestion though,

"Yes we can, here to cheer or Patterson house" -

that's not even close to rhyming.

What are you doing?

Your sports day tomorrow. Some of us primary schoolers are coming.

I'll be there to cheer you on.

All I need is a red shirt and I'm done.

You look after dinner, I'll see if Mum's got a red shirt.

How was she, by the way?

Where did this food come from?

-Someone made it for us.

-And left it on the front door step?

Anyone could have made it, Lock.

There were tons of people out there today.

Did you tell Vicki not to bring food?

Too feminine?

Aw, gourmet dinner two nights in a row. This town is raining kindness.

Neat lawn, new letterbox...

Yeah, like that's gonna help us through the night.

Someone's left us a bag of clothes.

It's not enough we're the talk of the town.

Now they're giving us their hand-me-downs.

-They're just trying to help.

-Who does that help?

Maybe them. Think of it as our community service.

Team Leonard. Boredom Busters.

Sarge, whoever gave us those clothes thinks we're poor.

We're not poor, are we Sarge?

We are rich in every way, Philip.

Richer than most.

Bingo! The universe provides.

You're not wearing that.

-CYRIL:

-There's a saying - charity begins at home.

Shut up, Cyril. You're part of the whole problem.

Mum didn't even want you here in the first place.

I wish you'd never come at all.

'Scene 5. Young hero takes out frustration

'on loyal domestic animal.'

What's with the costume? Who are you trying to be?

Your friend.

I want to help you, Lockie.

Let me. Let me help you.

No, I've gone from your boyfriend to your charity case. It sucks.

V-I-C-T-O-R-Y!

Can we win it? We've got the nous

cos we're here to cheer for the Patterson house!

Do you like it? Sarge did a bit of work on it last night.

Now it rhymes!

'No, really Mum. I love cross-country.

'Love it. It's really...

'Relaxing.'

CHEERING

ALL: P-A-T-T-E-R-S-O-N!

Yeah, Patterson! CHEERING

Get set...

CROWD CHEERS

Strange, I'm usually hopeless at running.

At this rate, I won't even come last!

Either I'm running very fast,

or they're running very slow.

CROWD CHEERS

Maybe they're running very slow for a reason.

ALL: C-H-A-R-I-T-Y!

THEY CHANT: Yay, charity!

Does he want it? No bloomin' way!

He's gonna get it, cos he's got no say! Woo!

And maybe someone asked them to let poor Lockie Leonard win.

Give him something to smile about.

Scene six.

Young hero sees through their dead obvious plan to try and

make him feel better.

What's he doing?!

Lockie...

THEY CHEER

-How did the race go?

-Don't ask.

Okey-doke.

-Don't worry, things'll pick up.

-Will they?

I wish they'd hurry up about it.

I'm sick of being the world's biggest charity case.

-Cyril's gone, I can't find him anywhere!

-Gone?

-He's run away.

-It's my fault, I couldn't shut up about the lamb casserole.

-Hang on!

There could be another clue, if we look for it. Like...

the working bee, in all its wisdom, cut the grass.

I reckon he's just gone to look for something to eat.

What d'you reckon, Lock?

Sure.

Any news?

No-one's seen him, Sarge.

Calling all cars, calling all cars, missing person's report.

Male, brown eyes, round nose, curly hair.

Answers to the name of Cyril.

I should have been helping find Cyril.

It was my fault he'd run away in the first place.

But my legs took me somewhere else.

I wasn't expecting you back so soon.

Well, I just wanted to tell you...

-'..that I'm making a total mess of everything.'

-What's happened?

'Everything, and it's only getting worse!'

I won the cross country.

I know.

How weird is that?

How d'you know I won?

Vicki told me.

-What? Vicki came to see you?

-She popped in after school.

-She's been in a couple of times.

-What is it with her?

-What?

-She's not allowed to visit me?

-She can't keep her nose out of anything!

Casseroles, working bees, organising it so everyone lets me

win at the cross country. And now she won't even let me visit

-my own mum properly!

-It was only a visit.

-She dumps me

in front of the whole school, then to make herself feel better,

she treats me like I can't even tie my own shoelaces!

-She's just trying to show kindness.

-I don't want kindness from her, Mum!

Whose side are you on?

I'm sorry.

I just want things to be the way they used to be.

And now, you're upset. This is why Sarge didn't want me coming in here.

Dumping stuff all over you.

Oh...

You coming in here...

worrying about what I think, like it matters...

..that is exactly what I need.

Oh, it's all right.

I'm supposed to be saying that to you.

It's all right, Lockie.

Really.

'But it wasn't all right.

'Not by a long shot.

'Pushing me to the point where I'm yelling at my own mum.

'Well, this young hero is done with this movie.

'I quit. From now on, I can write my own dumb lines.

'Thank you very much...'

Hi.

'..Victoria Streeton.'

I've had it with you...

and your casseroles.

'Nice strong opener, huh?'

And I've had it with your working bees,

and with you organising for me to win at the cross country.

But more than any of that, I've had it with you visiting my mum!

Because...

Well...

'Come on! Come on!

'You had it all worked out perfectly, written in your head.'

Well, because she's my mum. And...

'Just because Vicki looked so good and I've got chest pain,

'no reason to go to pieces.'

And she's not just another one of your charity cases.

Is it my turn now?

We'll start with the casseroles, OK?

Absolutely delicious.

And if you've got time to make more we'd be ever so grateful.

And as for the working bees? My father's running for mayor again.

It was his idea of chasing votes. Nothing to do with me.

And as for winning the race,

there was no conspiracy of kindness.

Maybe you're just so angry with the world you won of your own accord?

And as for visiting your mum,

I didn't go to the hospital to visit her,

I go to visit my brother.

Colin.

Monster.

-Do you have any brothers or sisters?

-A brother but he's much older.

That's him there.

Dad kicked him out and we haven't seen him since.

Monster's your brother?

Maybe it's time you realised you're not the centre of the universe.

Vicki, wait!

I think someone's following you.

BAA!

'So my scenes are exploding in my face.

'And things weren't going much better for Sarge.'

The Inspector's here!

-He's a day early!

-I know!

Sir?

Have you, um...

Have you met Barbara?

She's here on work experience!

BLEURGH!

So...

Given the circumstances...

..I had to swallow my pride and ring Nan and Pop.

Wow.

Wow, indeed, Philip.

And...

Casserole's kind of off the menu, so,

I hope you're all enjoying your toast!

HE SIGHS

At least we have Cyril back.

I don't know about you fellas,

but I'm not really in the mood for singing tonight.

Maybe we should give the Leonard Family Travelling Singers a rest.

Or, maybe,

that's exactly what we need to do!

Give all those gossipers and do-gooders something to talk about!

Anyway, we're Team Leonard.

Boredom Busters, remember?

# Click, go the shears, boys Click, click, click

# Wide is his blow And his hands move quick

# The ringer looks around And is beaten by a blow

# And curses the old stagger With the bare-bellied joe

# Oh, click go the shears, boys Click, click, click

# Wide is his blow And his hands move quick

# The ringer looks around and is beaten by a blow. #

'The truth was, Vicki was helping out cos she understood.

'She understood me better than I understood myself.

'And somehow, I still managed to turn it into a crime.'

Archie! Get over here!

Want you to meet somebody.

This is my sister. Vicki, this is Archie.

Hi, Archie.

Hi.

Sorry, have to make an emergency oil change, if you know what I mean!

So, Lockie Leonard doing charity work.

-We do this every year.

-It's good.

These poor, pathetic people would be lost without you, wouldn't they?

-It's good you feel sorry for them.

-It's not like that.

Oh, no? My mistake.

You must just be doing it because you care.

-You never come at things head on, do you?

-Not if I can help it.

So, you two getting along? That's good.

-She's gorgeous, isn't she?

-Monster!

I think you're on.

# There was a wild colonial boy

# Jack Doogan was his name...#

LAUGHTER

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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