Laugh with the Leonards Lockie Leonard


Laugh with the Leonards

Live-action comedy series. As if the failed kiss attempt was not embarrassing enough, Mel stays for the weekend and sees Lockie's family in their underwear.


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Transcript


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Give it up now for everybody's favourite little brother...

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'There's a funny thing about families...'

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..Philip Leonard!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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'..there's a public face that we like to show to the world...'

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And finally, here he is. The star of Laugh With The Leonards,

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the love lord with the surfboard, it's Lockie Leonard!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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'..and then there's the private face,

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'the face we keep hidden away from everyone...

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'behind closed doors.'

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'You'd have to say that Saturday afternoons at the Leonards

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'is one of those times when the last thing you need

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'is a studio audience.'

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Hello, anybody home?

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'Put it this way - Saturday afternoons at the Leonards

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'is for immediate family members only.'

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Ooo-eee!

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Someone's here!

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Hi! Joy, isn't it?

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Sunny. We met the other day at school, the musical.

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We really hit it off.

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-I thought we were going to see some rain today.

-Me too,

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-it came over really cloudy earlier on.

-And then it fined up again.

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-Yes. It did.

-Hmm.

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Oh, yes. The musical, of course.

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I found this on the ground on the way in.

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Um... (LAUGHS AWKWARDLY)

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Thank you.

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Goodness me, Philip! Look at you!

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Middle of the afternoon, you're not even dressed.

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But, Mum, it's Saturday. We never get dressed...

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Sunny, why don't you end on inside? I do have to warn you though,

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you have to take us as you find us.

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I'd love to, but I was wondering if I could beg the biggest favour?

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Of course, you only have to ask. SUNNY WHISTLES

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-You remember my daughter Mel?

-Er...

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Mum, you remember Mel. She's the one that Lockie tried to kiss

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-and it all went horribly wrong.

-MEL: Hi!

-Hi.

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And do you remember Lockie?

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SHE LAUGHS

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Are you kidding me? That's so not going to happen.

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Oh. Wow!

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SUNNY: Thanks, Joy. I'll pick her up tomorrow.

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I know it's short notice, but if I can nail this presentation

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at the Green Expo, Mel and I will be laughing all the way to the bank.

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-Wow! Great(!)

-Righty, I'll see you tomorrow, chuck.

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-Bye! Thanks again for having Mel over.

-Mel's doing what?

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'And just when it couldn't get any worse...'

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-Magnificent specimen of manhood coming through.

-Oh no, please, no!

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It's like a jungle out...

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Um... Perhaps, Lockie, you'd like to take Mel for a little walk.

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For an hour.

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At least.

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Are you sure you're cool about me staying over tonight?

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I mean, you didn't really get much say.

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You've only been here five minutes and already seen my family

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in their underwear. How can it get any worse?

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'Only if someone mentions what happened at the beach.'

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Do you want to talk about what happened the other day at the beach?

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Me? Nah! It's, it's weird,

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It's like I can't even remember much happening.

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It's like I've forgotten the whole day.

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Even the bit where you tried to kiss me and I told you to get lost?

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Really? Can't remember that bit.

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'The way I see it, things were just fine with the two of us being...

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'well, mates, but then... everything changed.'

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'Like, big time.'

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'If Mel was ever going to quit laughing at me,

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'I had to get things back to the way they were.'

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So do you want to go kick a footie or, I don't know, maybe we could

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-go drop some farts.

-Oh, yeah. Let's do that(!)

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Or do you want to have a nose around inside that house?

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Wouldn't the people who live there have something to say?

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Nobody lives there. It's been empty since we moved to Angelus.

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Where are you going? Um, Mel, I was joking.

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It's unlocked.

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Yeah, great(!) Let's do it.

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OK, that's enough. Let's go now.

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Mel? Mate?

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I could live here. It's cool.

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Next door, yeah, great(!) Mind you,

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can't be all that bad living on a houseboat.

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I'm guessing that's because you've never had to.

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Think toilets in a force nice gale.

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We, er, we really should get a move on.

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Sure. I guess everyone will be fully clothed by now.

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If you would like to sit there, Mel, in the good chair.

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-I hope you're feeling peckish, Mel.

-I sure am.

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Yum! Tuna Mornay.

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No. That's apricot beef.

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-Right-oh. Yum.

-Mel, about this morning. I hope you don't think that

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just because it's a Saturday that that's any excuse for me

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getting around the house in a state of undress.

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Who would do that? PHILIP: I can't remember

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-the last time Mum was undressed before noon.

-That's right,

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-it never happens.

-Don't worry about it.

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If we'd moored somewhere out of the way,

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Mum and I don't bother with clothes at all.

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-You mean you get around in the...

-Sure.

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'No, Lockie. Do NOT go there. Think of something else'

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(LAUGHS) Stop it, Lockie. You're giving me a stitch.

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Oh.

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DAD: Well, that's very forward thinking of you and your mum.

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Not to mention chilly.

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THEY LAUGH

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You guys are hilarious.

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'Yeah, that'd be right.

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'After embarrassing thing that Mel's seen at the Leonard's today,

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'she'll have enough to keep her laughing

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'for the rest of the century.'

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Hey, Mum, what's cooking?

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To be perfectly honest...

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I'm not sure.

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LAUGHTER

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There you go again. You'd have to be the worst cook in the world.

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LAUGHTER

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Well, at least I remembered to get dressed this morning.

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I can explain.

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I've been working undercover.

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LAUGHTER

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Where's my boy Lockie?

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Aahh. Why the long face, son?

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I just tried to kiss a girl is all.

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You, Lockie? Kiss a girl?

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Now that's funny.

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LAUGHTER

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-What is it, Joy?

-Oh, nothing important.

-Joy?

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It's from the people who decide whether or not

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community radio station goes ahead or not, that's all.

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-I mean, I'll open it later.

-Thanks for dinner, it was yummy.

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-I'm just getting a glass of water.

-You have to open it now.

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I can't, too nervous.

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Mel, if you wouldn't mind. Read.

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Looks like you've been given the go ahead.

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SHE SQUEALS

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All you have to do is broadcast a pilot programme

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by the end of tomorrow and you're all set.

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Tomorrow?

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How long has that thing been sitting in the back garden unnoticed?!

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Look, surely there's room for leniency. Read on.

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"If you don't broadcast by the deadline,

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"your licence will be revoked and you won't get another chance ever."

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-It's good news.

-Yeah.

-I'm just going to go brush my teeth.

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OK, you need to get on the phone. You need to contact some

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local talent and be behind that microphone tomorrow.

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On the radio? Talking to myself?

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Oh no. No, no, no, no, no. I couldn't possibly do that.

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No. I'd just... I'd just end up putting everybody to sleep.

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Mel.

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-Are you sure you'll be comfortable?

-It's cool.

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Mum and I are used to sleeping anywhere.

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You'll be wearing appropriate sleep attire, I hope.

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-Nothing with trucks on them...

-(Nothing?!)

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..if that's what you mean.

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You can't possibly sleep in here, with us!

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Mum! I-I sleepwalk and I might tread on you.

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Yes, good point, Philip. Besides...

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..we can't have you sleeping on the floor.

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No, you're a guest. Come.

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I don't feel good about kicking you and Sarge out of your bed.

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No arguments, young lady.

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And you don't have to tuck me in. I can do it myself.

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Of course you can.

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-Mrs Leonard.

-Um-hm.

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You missed a bit.

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That was a very close call.

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'Philip wasn't kidding. Having to spend the whole night listening

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'to my brother snore would have been the icing on the cake.'

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I'm as broad-minded as the next man, but as far as clothes go,

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or the total lack of them, there's a standard.

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I mean, what have they got against undies in the first place.

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'That's right.

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'And what if Mel and her mum really did move in next door,

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'and this 36 hours of stomach-churning humiliation

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'turn into a lifetime.'

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Hey. We thought since Mel and I are just next door

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and in need of a giggle...

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We'd just barge in out of the blue and laugh at you.

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SARGE IMITATES RADIO STATIC

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Hello, everybody out there in radio land.

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This is Angelus public radio coming to you for the very first time.

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IMITATES STATIC AGAIN

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-Do you really think I can do it?

-Excuse me, not only do I think

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a certain walking miracle by the name of Joy Leonard can do it,

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alone if necessary, I think the whole world is agog in anticipation

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at the triumph that is to come.

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IMITATES RADIO STATIC

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Seems to be a lot of static out there tonight.

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I don't know where that's coming from.

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BOTH IMITATE RADIO STATIC

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WHIRRING

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It's true, Sarge. The whole room filled with this unearthly light

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that can only be associated with a form of space transport.

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I'd like to believe you, Philip,

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but I'm sure there's a more rational explanation.

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Oh, there's your aliens.

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Looks like they've moved in next door. I think what you saw

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was the headlights from the removal truck.

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Hi!

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Hi, I'm Joe. We've just moved in.

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What's your name? Are you up to much? Wow! Nice garden!

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What are you guys doing for breakfast?

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What do you have in the way of cereal?

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MEL: I suppose we won't get to be neighbours, now that you know...

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-Joe.

-Joe has moved in.

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-What a pity.

-Hmm, shame.

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JOE: Fantastic work, Mrs Leonard. Your milk cereal ratio is spot on!

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Now then, plans for the day.

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I have a community radio station to get running and Philip has

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volunteered to help me with the technical side of things.

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-PHILIP: Not a problem. JO: Count me in.

-Sarge?

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That garden out there, it looks like a jungle and er...

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I think I'm the man to tame it.

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Which just leaves Lockie and Mel.

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'Maybe the safest thing was to get Mel out of the house.

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'At least that way she wouldn't find anything else to laugh at.'

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I was going to go for a surf and you're welcome to come along

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and watch if you like, mate.

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That's OK. I'm happy just to hang around the house.

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You do whatever you like, Mel. We just want you to feel right at home.

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'OK, I confess. 18 hours into Mel's visit

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'and I'd kind of lost the ability to think straight.

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'And being back at the scene of the crime made it worse.'

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MEL LAUGHS

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Promise me you'll never try to kiss me again or I'll die of laughing.

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SHE LAUGHS

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Oh. OK, it needs a bit of a clean, doesn't it? Goodness.

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Philip, put that down.

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Come on, boys. Come on, come on, come on!

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There's a little bit of work to do, but we'll be fine.

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Maybe it's for the best, Philip. I mean, running a radio station,

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you'd have to admit a bit of a pipe dream.

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Probably end up with...with everybody laughing at me anyway.

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ELECTRICAL FIZZING

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Sorry, I'm not that familiar with the technology.

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Oh, well. We tried.

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I'm pretty sure I can fix this.

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Testing, testing.

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My goodness me, Joe. Where did you learn to do that! And at your age?

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-It's not that hard.

-There you go.

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We're on. We're broadcasting.

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So are you telling me

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you've never had a garden, you've never had a pet?

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What, not even a ship's cat?

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I had a ship's goldfish once, but I liberated him over the side.

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THEY LAUGH

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'OK. If you think what I did before was dumb,

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'wait and see what I did now.' Yeah, go for it.

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Pretty funny, aren't we?

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You had a good laugh at me at the beach after the musical.

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You spent the whole weekend laughing at my family.

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What's next? You're going to have a nice little giggle at my pet sheep?

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Nice one, Lockie. What was that all about?

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Hello, everybody out there in radio land,

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and welcome to this, the first pilot broadcast of Radio Angelus,

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a community radio station for you, the people of Angelus.

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So first, some introductions. My name is...

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-Mum, it's Mum.

-No, no, my real name.

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RADIO STATIC

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Mrs Leonard.

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RADIO: 'Sorry for that momentary break in transmission.'

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My name is Mrs Leonard,

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and I'm going to be with you for the next hour or so this afternoon.

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I will be talking to you about...

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Well...you know those things that really...

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For example, some of you may not be aware of this, but...

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sometimes my family and I eat our dinners off our laps.

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RADIO: 'Leave the washing-up until the next day.

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'Now by some mysterious process, which no-one really understands,

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'a report gets sent out to all the other known mums in the universe,'

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saying, "Joy Leonard's house is rubbish tip. Pass it on."

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SHE CHUCKLES Don't ask me how,

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but it happens. SHE LAUGHS

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So...I thought it might be quite nice if, erm...

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you, the people of Angelus, called in and we had a chat about

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whatever might be on your mind. So...

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the lines are open.

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And... BEEPING

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And we have a caller already. Um...

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-Hello?

-'Hi.'

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I just wanted to say that... even though certain people,

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RADIO: 'who I won't mention by name,

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'might think I'm just a big pain the bum,'

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certain people should also know that up until about ten minutes ago

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I was having one of the best weekends I can ever remember,

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in all sorts of ways. For example, a certain person's mother

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'is a totally brilliant, inventive cook,'

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and certain people might also want to know that...

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even though I laughed at a certain incident that happened at the beach,

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it was probably just because I was embarrassed and I didn't want to,

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you know, stop us from being mates.

0:20:160:20:19

Well, if that is the case...I think a certain person

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-RADIO: 'should call in and apologise.

-Yeah, well,'

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they could if they liked.

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BEEPING

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RADIO: 'Hello. It's a certain person here.'

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I'd just like to say...

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I'm glad your caller had a really great weekend and she's welcome

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to come back and stay any time she likes.

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-Really?

-'Yeah.

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'And a certain person would also like to say'

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he's sorry he's been such a loser lately,

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'when it was only a week ago that he thought you were

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-'one of the best mates anyone could have.'

-Yeah.

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Well, I suppose you can't help being a loser,

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'seeing as how you are one.'

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'So I guess what Mel was saying

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'was that over the weekend, she got a close up squiz at the Leonards,

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'in their undies and, strangely enough, she didn't think

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'we were some weird, mutant family,

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'even on Saturday afternoons.'

0:21:230:21:27

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:21:440:21:46

E-mail [email protected]

0:21:460:21:48

As if the failed kiss attempt was not embarrassing enough, Mel stays for the weekend, literally seeing Lockie's family in their underwear. Mum receives life-changing news, while a late-night arrival intrigues Phillip.


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