Aliens in Angelus Lockie Leonard

# Worlds away from anyone

# They were burning themselves Out in the sun

# Worlds away from anyone

# They were burning themselves Out in the sun

# There was just enough To get that far away

# Ooh... #

Sometimes you have to wonder if we are all alone.

Or maybe we just feel we are.

Like an alien from outer space, stranded in a strange new land,

where you're not sure you ever belong.

'Hello? Is there anybody out there?'

Or at least that's how Mum was feeling about her new job.

Do you ever feel like your washing machine has it in for you?

I know I do.

So, my fellow Angelusians, how do you feel about your appliances?

Let's talk.

Mum had given away all the good shifts,

leaving herself the 5-7pm shift.

Anybody at all?

But people were too busy getting on with their lives to call in.

Well, almost everyone.

Hello, caller, you're on the air.

'Hi, it's Mr Smith here.

'I know what you mean about appliances. Awful things.

'I can never get my kettle hot enough.

Makes lukewarm tea. Terrible.

Hmm, I know what you mean.

But are there any other callers, aside from my husband,

'who have an opinion?'

SHE SIGHS

Well, I think that's all we have time for.

So tune in bright and early tomorrow morning

for Sun-up With Squasher.

Until next time,

'thanks for sharing, Angelus.'

DOG BARKS

DISTORTED, STATIC CRACKLING

HIGH-PITCH WHIRRING

STATIC CRACKLES

Hello?

DISTORTED VOICE: 'Waiting for you.

'I'm ready.

'Let's play a game' CRACKLE

'Try and find me.'

You?!

It was out new neighbour, Joe. He'd just recently arrived in Angelus -

out of nowhere.

-What are you doing here?

-You get a much better view of Cassiopeia here,

than in my back yard.

Was that your voice I just heard?

No. I'm always quiet when I'm star-gazing.

So it was definitely coming from the radio.

You heard strange voices getting transmitted over the airwaves?

In the middle of the night, without any explanation?

Most probably just alien activity.

Mum, are there cleaners at the radio station that might have

-an interest in amateur broadcasting?

-Cleaners? I wish.

I've had to vacuum that studio twice this week already

thanks to Snowy's crisp addiction.

And you're sure your shift is the last one of the day?

I would hardly have someone starting after 7pm, would I?

-What's going on?

-Maybe Joe's right.

Life-forms from a distant place are trying to communicate with me.

Extra-terrestrials in Angelus?

When we first arrived we felt like aliens.

We're all aliens of one sort or another, Lockie.

It's just a matter of geography.

-The waves were unreal today.

-Yeah, well, it's a good board, my board.

If Mum had had a big sales month,

then I would have asked for one for my birthday.

Your birthday's coming up?

-Friday.

-So the party's Friday night? Or Saturday?

Sunday?

There is no party.

-What will you do, then?

-Same as I do every year.

Mum takes me out for a fancy lunch, and I get to order whatever I want.

Ah...

Right.

It's not that weird, you know?

No, it's just different. I'd know all about that -

you've met my family.

Where would I even have a party?

-Right here, on your houseboat.

-We haven't got any room.

We've only got two plates, two forks, two chairs.

What would I put on the invites, anyway?

"Turn left at the second jetty."

We can't even get a video-store membership because...

I've never had a proper address.

Parties just aren't my thing.

'Mel had moved around so much, she was used to feeling like an alien.

'I knew just the thing to prove she'd finally

'arrived somewhere she belonged.'

RADIO PLAYS

While Mum...she still wasn't sure she was in the right place either.

ELECTRONIC BLEEPING

Oh!

Hello, caller, you're on the air.

'I'd like to request any song by...

..The Burning Fleas. Whoever they are.

And I don't care what anyone says, Mrs L, I think one day

'you could be really good at this radio thing.'

Thank you, Sasha.

But would you mind putting Egg on the phone for me?

No worries.

Told you!

Hello?

Egg, I really appreciate your requests, I do. But...

'why didn't you just call me yourself?'

It's just the radio. There's really nothing to be afraid of.

It's...it's not that, it's just that

I didn't want to sound rude on your first week out.

-'But to be honest...'

-Mmm?

..I think you might need some help with your music line-up.

Wh...?

I see your point. Yes.

Egg, have you ever thought...

Honestly, I don't know how you could even be thinking about

accepting a job right now.

Being special guest music programmer for Angelus Radio

is more than a job. It's a huge responsibility.

So is being in a relationship. It's all about sacrifices, Egg.

And frankly...

you're not making enough.

I try, it's just...there's so much to get right.

If you're at the radio station, how can you be there for me,

say, tomorrow night, when I need you?

-What will you need me for?

-That's not the point.

Now I'm your girlfriend,

you can't afford to be committed to anything else.

I'm late for my debating meeting. Then indoor netball.

I'll see you later.

Egg felt like he was in the strange new land of "planet boyfriend,"

and he wasn't sure how to feel at home there.

GARBLED STATIC VOICES

Yeah, that definitely sounds like alien activity to me.

What if you're right and there are aliens in Angelus,

-what do they want with me?

-I don't know.

DISTORTED VOICE: 'Do you copy? Hello? I can't locate...ship'

I can't locate the... something...ship.

Of course. The mother ship.

We've got a lost alien on our hands who can't find its way back home.

Do you think someone's going to come and get him?

Possibly. I'll keep a look out for the mother ship.

-I've got binoculars.

-I can do one better than that.

This telescope belonged to my friend, Marjorie.

She was a brilliant scientist and astronomer.

Marjorie passed away a while ago.

She told Phillip she was, "Returning to the stars,"

but that one day they'd see each other again.

-SIGHS

-I've got nothing.

Try resetting the sight bearings from 1.2 to 1.3. They always stick.

-How did you know that?!

-All the older models are the same.

Any sign of the mother ship?

No.

If this alien's going to get home, he's going to need our help.

But first we have to establish trust with our subject,

show him we has his best interests at heart.

-We could leave out a present.

-An offering, you mean?

That's exactly where I was heading.

But what would an Alien want?

Cyril.

Joe told Phillip the chief and common alien abduction targets...

There we are, Cyril.

..so they kept him safe, just in case.

Visitors from another planet won't be probing you any more.

She's a beauty, isn't she?

They don't make them like this any more.

Yeah, that was Marjorie's too.

-Cyril all sorted?

-All done.

Now we can begin preparations for part two, Project Alien -

the offering. Probably tomorrow afternoon.

It's bedtime.

'The next morning my secret project was also officially under way.'

Where do the forks go?

Phillip's using them as heat conductors in an experiment.

Phillip!!

If you want to keep this a secret, you know what needs to be done?

'Not tell Phillip - the world's worst secret keeper.'

-Did you call me?

-No.

-No.

-Sarge?

-No.

Where's my green cup?

No idea.

And where are all the plates?

Where's my favourite bowl with the picture of Einstein?

Why don't you just have a banana?

It seems things are seriously disappearing around here.

Lucky we locked up Cyril when we did.

I wouldn't worry, there's usually a logical explanation for everything.

You ready to interrogate the target?

Yep.

That's chocolate, right?

Yeah.

So...what would you say would be your favourite,

you know, flavour ever?

I don't have one. I like lots.

Cool.

Which ones?

-Strawberry.

-Nice.

Apple,

spearmint, vanilla...

coconut.

That's a lot.

Then there's mango, tropical, passion fruit,

cherry...

I even had one with gooseberry once.

That was OK, too.

So you don't...have an absolute, all-time favourite?

No. Not really.

And Myrtle, L and J,

44 Bonnie Drive, Angelus.

And that brings us to the end of the M section of the Angelus phone book.

Coming up after the break, N.

-Track eight, now!

-Oh, you are in for a special treat, Angelusians.

Our special guest music programmer has arrived.

Don't say my name. She'll know!

And he has a stimulating new selection of tunes

for our listening pleasure.

Starting now.

Enjoy.

MUSIC PLAYS

Egg, this is radio.

Sasha can't "see you" over the airwaves.

Trust me, she'll find a way. She knows everything.

Aghh!

Mrs L made me. I was powerless.

I couldn't say no.

He's right. I forced him.

I blackmailed him, I told him he would never see another one

of my rice puddings again if he didn't sign up.

I really like...REALLY like rice pudding.

And I thought you liked being in this relationship.

Priorities, remember?

Egg, I don't want to be one to be offering up unwanted advice,

goodness knows, even the town isn't interested in it...

No, no, no. I am. I really need it.

Well, it's just...

there is no harm in standing up for yourself every now and then.

You know?

Sometimes it is OK to say, "No."

Are you sure sandwiches are the best offering?

Cheese sandwiches?! Absolutely!

But how would the alien know how to find them here?

This is where he first made contact. It makes perfect logical sense.

I guess we'll find out soon enough.

That's it. Last one, we're done.

Well, I am.

You still have one more job to do.

'Poetry.

'If I was going to do this properly, I had to go the whole hog -

'Leonard style.'

Oh!

He must have been hungry. Good call with the sandwiches.

They definitely weren't eaten by bugs or birds.

The alien must have opposable thumbs.

And big feet.

He's hiding out there, in the swamp.

Now we know where he's hiding

we need to encourage him to reveal himself.

How do we do that? It's not as if we've got his phone number.

You have landed on earth, but do not be afraid.

We are a friendly species with an above-average intelligence.

And more cheese sandwiches.

Right. Yes.

We'd like to help you and we'd like to meet you tonight at the swamp

-to discuss tactics.

-It can be a bit later.

WHISPERS: This is not a school night.

Eight o'clock.

-DISTORTED VOICE:

-'Affirmative. Eight o'clock.

'We'll be there.'

We'll see you there.

You think he'll come?

What if he does? I don't have plans for that.

No need. Deep down we're all aliens.

-That's what the sarge reckons.

-Wise man, your dad. Worth listening to.

Phillip had heard that before.

Wise man, your dad. Worth listening to.

So, did you enjoy your birthday lunch?

Yeah, it was great.

ALL: Surprise!!

-Come on in.

-Happy birthday!

Let's go.

Ahem...

Thanks for coming, everyone.

Um...I just wanted to read out a poem for Mel's birthday.

It's a tradition in my family.

So here goes...

You swim like a fish yet you sleep on a boat

you surf like a pro and you hardly ever, really gloat.

You're a really good friend and anyone can see

you should really stay in Angelus cos it's the only place to be.

So happy birthday from me, your mate, Lock...

ie.

I didn't have a lot of time.

Ah, that's very good, son, very good.

-Ooh!

-Happy birthday, Mel.

Well...

it's...very colourful.

It's got all your favourite flavours in it. All 17 of them!

Blow out the candle.

Don't forget to make a wish.

I don't need to.

THEY CHEER AND APPLAUSE

This is for you.

You already wrote me a poem.

It wasn't really a present.

It didn't really rhyme properly.

It's a video membership card. I got in under my address. Easy.

Thanks.

'And there, on her houseboat, for the first time she could remember,

'Mel felt like she'd arrived somewhere she belonged.'

That night, Philip and Joe's Project Alien entered its final phase.

Contact.

-Should we go in any further?

-We don't want to overwhelm him.

We'll be best waiting here. Let him come to us.

There he is. Come on, let's go.

Hello?

Are you there?

Hello?

It's yelling! Welcome! Welcome!

My Battleship grids.

Snowy?!

What are you doing here?

I'm meeting constable Wattle to play Battleships.

In the swamp?!

Usually we play over the radio.

It gets so lonely during night shift.

I'm not quite sure why she wanted to meet here.

But...well, she promised to discuss tactics,

so I couldn't say no. She's always finding my ships.

I think you were talking to us, not Sam.

Are you saying this whole time is was just the police CB

interfering with the radio station's airwaves?

I think that may be constable Wattle now.

I'm right here.

So, if you're here, then...

who's...

Arrgh!

It's me.

Who?

Sarge.

Ah! It's Sarge.

I heard some strange noises and general commotion.

Ah, looks like I've found the culprits.

Egg, I'm hungry.

Make me a snack.

Hello?

Earth to Egg?

No.

-Sorry?

-I said no.

If you're hungry, make a sandwich.

I still want to be your boyfriend.

It's just...I have to live my own life too.

And...

..and I'm keeping my new job.

I have my audience to think of.

Fine. If that's the way you want it.

So, do you want me to get you something while I'm in there?

No, thanks.

After this, Egg no longer felt like a second-class citizen

on "planet boyfriend."

And as for Mum, well, she wasn't alone anymore.

Not with her new music programmer onboard.

Hello caller, you're on the air with Joy Leonard.

'Hi, er...I really like your vibes. Who was that last band you played?'

Nice try, Sarge.

'Who? this is Luke Casey from Pedman Road.

Really?!

Oh... Well, thanks for calling in, Luke.

Um, that last song was...

Roadkill Rejects.

The response wasn't massive...

Roadkill Rejects.

..but at least Mum knew people were out there after all.

-I really thought there was an alien in Angelus.

-Me too.

Cheese sandwich?

No, thanks. I don't like cheese.

Unless it's Roquefort.

That was Marjorie's favourite cheese.

Who are you?

Joe Ramir.

Are you entirely sure?

Yes. Joe Ramir.

J-O-E

R-A-M-I-R.

Joe Ramir.

I think I'll go and have a last look at the stars before I go.

Marjorie!

Marjorie always promised Phillip she'd come back home one day...

Dear boy, we will meet again.

..and now it seems perhaps she had.

Maybe there wasn't an alien in the swamp, but Phillip had to wonder

if there was one, of sorts, right in front of him.

Check 'em out Phil, Andromeda.

And the square of Pegasus.

What are you doing?! You can't miss this.

It's out of this world.

Then again, perhaps Sarge is right.

Maybe we're all aliens and it's just a matter of geography.

Have you ever seen Cassiopeia so close to the Milky Way?

I told you, Phil.

This spot, right here, it's the best place to be in the whole universe.

As long as you're with a friend, you're exactly where you should be,

alien or not.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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