Aliens in Angelus Lockie Leonard


Aliens in Angelus

Live action comedy series. Phillip and Joe form an uneasy duo on a mission to locate an alien, but in the process Phillip discovers something just as unlikely.


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Transcript


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# Worlds away from anyone

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# They were burning themselves Out in the sun

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# Worlds away from anyone

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# They were burning themselves Out in the sun

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# There was just enough To get that far away

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# Ooh... #

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Sometimes you have to wonder if we are all alone.

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Or maybe we just feel we are.

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Like an alien from outer space, stranded in a strange new land,

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where you're not sure you ever belong.

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'Hello? Is there anybody out there?'

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Or at least that's how Mum was feeling about her new job.

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Do you ever feel like your washing machine has it in for you?

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I know I do.

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So, my fellow Angelusians, how do you feel about your appliances?

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Let's talk.

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Mum had given away all the good shifts,

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leaving herself the 5-7pm shift.

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Anybody at all?

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But people were too busy getting on with their lives to call in.

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Well, almost everyone.

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Hello, caller, you're on the air.

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'Hi, it's Mr Smith here.

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'I know what you mean about appliances. Awful things.

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'I can never get my kettle hot enough.

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Makes lukewarm tea. Terrible.

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Hmm, I know what you mean.

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But are there any other callers, aside from my husband,

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'who have an opinion?'

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SHE SIGHS

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Well, I think that's all we have time for.

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So tune in bright and early tomorrow morning

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for Sun-up With Squasher.

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Until next time,

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'thanks for sharing, Angelus.'

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DOG BARKS

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DISTORTED, STATIC CRACKLING

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HIGH-PITCH WHIRRING

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STATIC CRACKLES

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Hello?

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DISTORTED VOICE: 'Waiting for you.

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'I'm ready.

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'Let's play a game' CRACKLE

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'Try and find me.'

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You?!

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It was out new neighbour, Joe. He'd just recently arrived in Angelus -

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out of nowhere.

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-What are you doing here?

-You get a much better view of Cassiopeia here,

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than in my back yard.

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Was that your voice I just heard?

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No. I'm always quiet when I'm star-gazing.

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So it was definitely coming from the radio.

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You heard strange voices getting transmitted over the airwaves?

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In the middle of the night, without any explanation?

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Most probably just alien activity.

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Mum, are there cleaners at the radio station that might have

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-an interest in amateur broadcasting?

-Cleaners? I wish.

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I've had to vacuum that studio twice this week already

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thanks to Snowy's crisp addiction.

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And you're sure your shift is the last one of the day?

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I would hardly have someone starting after 7pm, would I?

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-What's going on?

-Maybe Joe's right.

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Life-forms from a distant place are trying to communicate with me.

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Extra-terrestrials in Angelus?

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When we first arrived we felt like aliens.

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We're all aliens of one sort or another, Lockie.

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It's just a matter of geography.

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-The waves were unreal today.

-Yeah, well, it's a good board, my board.

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If Mum had had a big sales month,

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then I would have asked for one for my birthday.

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Your birthday's coming up?

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-Friday.

-So the party's Friday night? Or Saturday?

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Sunday?

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There is no party.

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-What will you do, then?

-Same as I do every year.

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Mum takes me out for a fancy lunch, and I get to order whatever I want.

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Ah...

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Right.

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It's not that weird, you know?

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No, it's just different. I'd know all about that -

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you've met my family.

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Where would I even have a party?

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-Right here, on your houseboat.

-We haven't got any room.

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We've only got two plates, two forks, two chairs.

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What would I put on the invites, anyway?

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"Turn left at the second jetty."

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We can't even get a video-store membership because...

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I've never had a proper address.

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Parties just aren't my thing.

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'Mel had moved around so much, she was used to feeling like an alien.

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'I knew just the thing to prove she'd finally

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'arrived somewhere she belonged.'

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RADIO PLAYS

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While Mum...she still wasn't sure she was in the right place either.

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ELECTRONIC BLEEPING

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Oh!

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Hello, caller, you're on the air.

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'I'd like to request any song by...

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..The Burning Fleas. Whoever they are.

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And I don't care what anyone says, Mrs L, I think one day

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'you could be really good at this radio thing.'

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Thank you, Sasha.

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But would you mind putting Egg on the phone for me?

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No worries.

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Told you!

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Hello?

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Egg, I really appreciate your requests, I do. But...

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'why didn't you just call me yourself?'

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It's just the radio. There's really nothing to be afraid of.

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It's...it's not that, it's just that

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I didn't want to sound rude on your first week out.

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-'But to be honest...'

-Mmm?

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..I think you might need some help with your music line-up.

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Wh...?

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I see your point. Yes.

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Egg, have you ever thought...

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Honestly, I don't know how you could even be thinking about

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accepting a job right now.

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Being special guest music programmer for Angelus Radio

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is more than a job. It's a huge responsibility.

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So is being in a relationship. It's all about sacrifices, Egg.

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And frankly...

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you're not making enough.

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I try, it's just...there's so much to get right.

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If you're at the radio station, how can you be there for me,

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say, tomorrow night, when I need you?

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-What will you need me for?

-That's not the point.

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Now I'm your girlfriend,

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you can't afford to be committed to anything else.

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I'm late for my debating meeting. Then indoor netball.

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I'll see you later.

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Egg felt like he was in the strange new land of "planet boyfriend,"

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and he wasn't sure how to feel at home there.

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GARBLED STATIC VOICES

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Yeah, that definitely sounds like alien activity to me.

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What if you're right and there are aliens in Angelus,

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-what do they want with me?

-I don't know.

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DISTORTED VOICE: 'Do you copy? Hello? I can't locate...ship'

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I can't locate the... something...ship.

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Of course. The mother ship.

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We've got a lost alien on our hands who can't find its way back home.

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Do you think someone's going to come and get him?

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Possibly. I'll keep a look out for the mother ship.

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-I've got binoculars.

-I can do one better than that.

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This telescope belonged to my friend, Marjorie.

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She was a brilliant scientist and astronomer.

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Marjorie passed away a while ago.

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She told Phillip she was, "Returning to the stars,"

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but that one day they'd see each other again.

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-SIGHS

-I've got nothing.

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Try resetting the sight bearings from 1.2 to 1.3. They always stick.

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-How did you know that?!

-All the older models are the same.

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Any sign of the mother ship?

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No.

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If this alien's going to get home, he's going to need our help.

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But first we have to establish trust with our subject,

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show him we has his best interests at heart.

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-We could leave out a present.

-An offering, you mean?

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That's exactly where I was heading.

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But what would an Alien want?

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Cyril.

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Joe told Phillip the chief and common alien abduction targets...

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There we are, Cyril.

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..so they kept him safe, just in case.

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Visitors from another planet won't be probing you any more.

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She's a beauty, isn't she?

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They don't make them like this any more.

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Yeah, that was Marjorie's too.

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-Cyril all sorted?

-All done.

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Now we can begin preparations for part two, Project Alien -

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the offering. Probably tomorrow afternoon.

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It's bedtime.

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'The next morning my secret project was also officially under way.'

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Where do the forks go?

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Phillip's using them as heat conductors in an experiment.

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Phillip!!

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If you want to keep this a secret, you know what needs to be done?

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'Not tell Phillip - the world's worst secret keeper.'

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-Did you call me?

-No.

-No.

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-Sarge?

-No.

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Where's my green cup?

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No idea.

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And where are all the plates?

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Where's my favourite bowl with the picture of Einstein?

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Why don't you just have a banana?

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It seems things are seriously disappearing around here.

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Lucky we locked up Cyril when we did.

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I wouldn't worry, there's usually a logical explanation for everything.

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You ready to interrogate the target?

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Yep.

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That's chocolate, right?

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Yeah.

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So...what would you say would be your favourite,

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you know, flavour ever?

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I don't have one. I like lots.

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Cool.

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Which ones?

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-Strawberry.

-Nice.

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Apple,

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spearmint, vanilla...

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coconut.

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That's a lot.

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Then there's mango, tropical, passion fruit,

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cherry...

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I even had one with gooseberry once.

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That was OK, too.

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So you don't...have an absolute, all-time favourite?

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No. Not really.

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And Myrtle, L and J,

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44 Bonnie Drive, Angelus.

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And that brings us to the end of the M section of the Angelus phone book.

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Coming up after the break, N.

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-Track eight, now!

-Oh, you are in for a special treat, Angelusians.

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Our special guest music programmer has arrived.

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Don't say my name. She'll know!

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And he has a stimulating new selection of tunes

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for our listening pleasure.

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Starting now.

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Enjoy.

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MUSIC PLAYS

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Egg, this is radio.

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Sasha can't "see you" over the airwaves.

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Trust me, she'll find a way. She knows everything.

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Aghh!

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Mrs L made me. I was powerless.

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I couldn't say no.

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He's right. I forced him.

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I blackmailed him, I told him he would never see another one

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of my rice puddings again if he didn't sign up.

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I really like...REALLY like rice pudding.

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And I thought you liked being in this relationship.

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Priorities, remember?

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Egg, I don't want to be one to be offering up unwanted advice,

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goodness knows, even the town isn't interested in it...

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No, no, no. I am. I really need it.

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Well, it's just...

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there is no harm in standing up for yourself every now and then.

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You know?

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Sometimes it is OK to say, "No."

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Are you sure sandwiches are the best offering?

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Cheese sandwiches?! Absolutely!

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But how would the alien know how to find them here?

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This is where he first made contact. It makes perfect logical sense.

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I guess we'll find out soon enough.

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That's it. Last one, we're done.

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Well, I am.

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You still have one more job to do.

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'Poetry.

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'If I was going to do this properly, I had to go the whole hog -

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'Leonard style.'

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Oh!

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He must have been hungry. Good call with the sandwiches.

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They definitely weren't eaten by bugs or birds.

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The alien must have opposable thumbs.

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And big feet.

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He's hiding out there, in the swamp.

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Now we know where he's hiding

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we need to encourage him to reveal himself.

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How do we do that? It's not as if we've got his phone number.

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You have landed on earth, but do not be afraid.

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We are a friendly species with an above-average intelligence.

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And more cheese sandwiches.

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Right. Yes.

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We'd like to help you and we'd like to meet you tonight at the swamp

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-to discuss tactics.

-It can be a bit later.

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WHISPERS: This is not a school night.

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Eight o'clock.

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-DISTORTED VOICE:

-'Affirmative. Eight o'clock.

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'We'll be there.'

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We'll see you there.

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You think he'll come?

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What if he does? I don't have plans for that.

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No need. Deep down we're all aliens.

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-That's what the sarge reckons.

-Wise man, your dad. Worth listening to.

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Phillip had heard that before.

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Wise man, your dad. Worth listening to.

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So, did you enjoy your birthday lunch?

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Yeah, it was great.

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ALL: Surprise!!

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-Come on in.

-Happy birthday!

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Let's go.

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Ahem...

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Thanks for coming, everyone.

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Um...I just wanted to read out a poem for Mel's birthday.

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It's a tradition in my family.

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So here goes...

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You swim like a fish yet you sleep on a boat

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you surf like a pro and you hardly ever, really gloat.

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You're a really good friend and anyone can see

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you should really stay in Angelus cos it's the only place to be.

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So happy birthday from me, your mate, Lock...

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ie.

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I didn't have a lot of time.

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Ah, that's very good, son, very good.

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-Ooh!

-Happy birthday, Mel.

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Well...

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it's...very colourful.

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It's got all your favourite flavours in it. All 17 of them!

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Blow out the candle.

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Don't forget to make a wish.

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I don't need to.

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THEY CHEER AND APPLAUSE

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This is for you.

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You already wrote me a poem.

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It wasn't really a present.

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It didn't really rhyme properly.

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It's a video membership card. I got in under my address. Easy.

0:17:050:17:09

Thanks.

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'And there, on her houseboat, for the first time she could remember,

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'Mel felt like she'd arrived somewhere she belonged.'

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That night, Philip and Joe's Project Alien entered its final phase.

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Contact.

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-Should we go in any further?

-We don't want to overwhelm him.

0:17:290:17:32

We'll be best waiting here. Let him come to us.

0:17:320:17:36

There he is. Come on, let's go.

0:17:360:17:37

Hello?

0:17:390:17:41

Are you there?

0:17:410:17:42

Hello?

0:17:420:17:43

It's yelling! Welcome! Welcome!

0:17:440:17:47

My Battleship grids.

0:18:010:18:03

Snowy?!

0:18:030:18:04

What are you doing here?

0:18:050:18:07

I'm meeting constable Wattle to play Battleships.

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In the swamp?!

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Usually we play over the radio.

0:18:120:18:15

It gets so lonely during night shift.

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I'm not quite sure why she wanted to meet here.

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But...well, she promised to discuss tactics,

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so I couldn't say no. She's always finding my ships.

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I think you were talking to us, not Sam.

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Are you saying this whole time is was just the police CB

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interfering with the radio station's airwaves?

0:18:350:18:37

I think that may be constable Wattle now.

0:18:370:18:41

I'm right here.

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So, if you're here, then...

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who's...

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Arrgh!

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It's me.

0:18:530:18:54

Who?

0:18:540:18:55

Sarge.

0:18:550:18:57

Ah! It's Sarge.

0:18:570:18:59

I heard some strange noises and general commotion.

0:18:590:19:02

Ah, looks like I've found the culprits.

0:19:020:19:06

Egg, I'm hungry.

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Make me a snack.

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Hello?

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Earth to Egg?

0:19:140:19:16

No.

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-Sorry?

-I said no.

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If you're hungry, make a sandwich.

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I still want to be your boyfriend.

0:19:270:19:30

It's just...I have to live my own life too.

0:19:300:19:32

And...

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..and I'm keeping my new job.

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I have my audience to think of.

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Fine. If that's the way you want it.

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So, do you want me to get you something while I'm in there?

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No, thanks.

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After this, Egg no longer felt like a second-class citizen

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on "planet boyfriend."

0:19:590:20:00

And as for Mum, well, she wasn't alone anymore.

0:20:000:20:05

Not with her new music programmer onboard.

0:20:050:20:07

Hello caller, you're on the air with Joy Leonard.

0:20:070:20:11

'Hi, er...I really like your vibes. Who was that last band you played?'

0:20:110:20:16

Nice try, Sarge.

0:20:160:20:18

'Who? this is Luke Casey from Pedman Road.

0:20:180:20:22

Really?!

0:20:220:20:23

Oh... Well, thanks for calling in, Luke.

0:20:230:20:27

Um, that last song was...

0:20:270:20:30

Roadkill Rejects.

0:20:300:20:33

The response wasn't massive...

0:20:330:20:35

Roadkill Rejects.

0:20:350:20:36

..but at least Mum knew people were out there after all.

0:20:360:20:40

-I really thought there was an alien in Angelus.

-Me too.

0:20:410:20:45

Cheese sandwich?

0:20:470:20:49

No, thanks. I don't like cheese.

0:20:490:20:51

Unless it's Roquefort.

0:20:510:20:53

That was Marjorie's favourite cheese.

0:20:550:20:57

Who are you?

0:20:570:20:59

Joe Ramir.

0:20:590:21:01

Are you entirely sure?

0:21:020:21:03

Yes. Joe Ramir.

0:21:060:21:08

J-O-E

0:21:080:21:09

R-A-M-I-R.

0:21:090:21:13

Joe Ramir.

0:21:130:21:14

I think I'll go and have a last look at the stars before I go.

0:21:210:21:24

Marjorie!

0:21:440:21:46

Marjorie always promised Phillip she'd come back home one day...

0:21:460:21:51

Dear boy, we will meet again.

0:21:510:21:54

..and now it seems perhaps she had.

0:21:540:21:57

Maybe there wasn't an alien in the swamp, but Phillip had to wonder

0:22:000:22:04

if there was one, of sorts, right in front of him.

0:22:040:22:07

Check 'em out Phil, Andromeda.

0:22:070:22:10

And the square of Pegasus.

0:22:100:22:11

What are you doing?! You can't miss this.

0:22:130:22:15

It's out of this world.

0:22:150:22:17

Then again, perhaps Sarge is right.

0:22:180:22:21

Maybe we're all aliens and it's just a matter of geography.

0:22:210:22:25

Have you ever seen Cassiopeia so close to the Milky Way?

0:22:270:22:30

I told you, Phil.

0:22:300:22:31

This spot, right here, it's the best place to be in the whole universe.

0:22:310:22:36

As long as you're with a friend, you're exactly where you should be,

0:22:370:22:41

alien or not.

0:22:410:22:42

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:22:540:22:57

E-mail [email protected]

0:22:570:23:00

Phillip and Joe form an uneasy duo on a mission to locate a missing alien, but in the process Phillip discovers something just as unlikely. Lockie helps Mel feel more at home in Angelus, while Mum's radio station gets off to a bumpy start.


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