Legend Lockie Leonard

# They were burning themselves out in the sun

# Worlds away from anyone

# They were burning themselves out in the sun

# There was just enough to get that far away... #

So here we are...Sydney, Australia,

in our ritzy new apartment, courtesy of the radio station

my mum's been working for the past three months.

I do now have my own radio show.

Monday through Friday, every afternoon, let joy be unconfined.

Although, honestly, I only have a million or so listeners.

Who would have thought devoting myself to poetry full time

would pay such...dividends?

Sure, there's a small amount of lecturing involved

at the science academy, but for the most part,

they leave me alone to conduct my groundbreaking research.

-We're home!

-Aaah!

Hi!

And I'm happy too. I imagine you surf sponsors are even happier.

Guess the time really was right to leave Angelus.

I miss Egg, of course. For a time there he was my best friend ever.

And then Vicki, the girl who seemed to hold

a lifetime season ticket to my heart.

And Mel. I just had this feeling that after certain events,

involving kissing and standing her up, I'd kind of worn my welcome out.

Suggestions, please. A word that rhymes with fire brigade. Um...

Everglade.

Marmalade.

Marmalade.

Marmalade. Marmalade...

Marmalade, Lockie.

Pass the marmalade, please.

'OK, so maybe we haven't left Angelus yet.

'But it wasn't long before we did.'

Oh.

Sorry, Sarge, I was miles away.

Right. Now, team, as it's only two days

until we...leave Angelus forever...

PFFFFFFTT!

Pardon you, Blob.

Again. Don't know what's got into her.

In the meantime, I thought it might be an idea to move the weekly

Leonard family meetings to a daily basis,

so that we can get across all our various to-do lists.

-Lockie, you first.

-Oh, right.

To-do list.

'Pack surfboard.

'Say goodbye.

'Say goodbye. Easier said than done.

'Maybe it was time to talk to someone who'd set sail

'for more towns than anyone I'd ever heard of.

'And talking about something was better than not talking at all.'

I've come for tips, Mel. How to make that grand exit,

you've done it heaps. Do I go for tears or laughs?

-Are there speeches?

-So you're assuming you'll be missed?

Oh, you!

Sure, I'll help. But my question is...have you got the guts

to carry out the three tasks I'm about to set you?

Task one...

'OK, I didn't have to carry out Mel's tasks,

'but just maybe she'd think better of me if I did.

'So, task one, I had to make peace with my worst enemy.

'And since it was the weekend, I knew exactly where to find him.'

Sir, I'd just like to say...

thank you. For everything you've tried to teach me.

Math-wise.

I'm...sorry, Leonard.

I find myself strangely morose at your family's departure.

Yeah, it will be tough without Phillip.

It's not that. Though Phillip is obviously a great loss.

-It's you, Leonard Major, you're the one I'm going to miss.

-I am?

Even I need someone like you, Leonard, the class dunce,

so that my little gems of sarcasm

might fill the classroom with howling laughter.

Right.

Go, boy. Leave me to bring the curtain down on this golden age.

'Sarge didn't really have any worst enemies to make peace with,

'but making his goodbyes to Angelus

'was still the hardest thing he'd ever had to do.'

-Oh, steady on. Now, remember, we're trained professionals.

-Course we are.

Got it.

What about your poetry book, Sarge?

Ever since Joy's wedding ring was stolen

I'm no longer certain poetry has a place in the Angelus of today.

-Don't say such things!

-That can't be true, say it isn't so!

From now on, you'll be leading this ceaseless war on crime in this town.

Whether poetry has a role to play, it's your call now.

PHONE RINGS

It's the emergency phone.

After you, Sarge.

One last response.

-DOORS SLAM

-It's Dad.

He's had some bad news.

Josh's family's empire's gone into meltdown

and brought Dad's business down with it.

We've lost all our money, our house, furniture, everything.

-I'm so sorry, Vicki.

-Doesn't look like they're going to be building

a retirement village, or anything here any more.

-Looks like your house is safe, though.

-You seem to be forgetting,

all of this will soon be Constable Wattle's domain.

It'll always be your house to me.

There's nothing to worry about.

We'll be getting all our money back shortly. 3.30 at the latest.

-Dad's in denial.

-Just you wait, Sergeant.

I always said your family's what's holding this town back.

I think this is you, Constable Wattle.

Ahem. Mr Streeton?

No point talking what you could have been,

or regretting the things that went on.

Life's full of mistakes, destinies and fate.

Remove the clouds, look at the bigger picture.

# And all that you'll see is me

# And all I truly believe

# That I was born to try

# I've learned to love

# To be understanding

# And believe in life

# But you gotta make choices

# Be wrong or right

# Sometimes you've got to sacrifice the things you like...

# But I was born to try... #

I just want someone to tell me it isn't fair.

That's gold, Constable Wattle. You've taken policing to a whole new level.

'Mel's second task was a lot tougher.

'I wasn't sure I was going to be able to complete it.'

-You have to do what?

-I've to do the one thing I've always meant to do

with someone, but never have.

Have you stopped to think there's a reason why I've never surfed.

-Couldn't swim?

-No, because it's sick and unnatural,

and you get nutted in the goolies. All the time.

I'll never ask you to do anything for me again.

You won't have to if I get caught in a rip.

Let's do this for old times sake!

-There's no one else on the planet I'd do this for.

-I know. On the count of three.

One...two...

three!

'Of course, things don't ever work out the way you expect them to.'

-Oh!

-Ow!

'So much for task number two.

'I guess it was more than a friend could ask for.

'Meanwhile, Phillip was nearing the end of his to-do list,

'but he'd saved the trickiest bit till last.'

Don't worry, Cyril. Nothing will change.

Not really. Nothing at all.

Except it won't be me looking after you...it'll be Joe.

Unusual. After all this time, I must have developed an allergy to Cyril.

-Are you sure it's not anything else?

-Goodness me, Joe. Allergy.

'And Mum, of course, she had an entire town to say goodbye to.'

Sadly now it's time for me to bring this final edition

of Let Joy Be Unconfined to a close.

But I can't go without one last thank you

to all my listeners out there.

People of Angelus, you have taken an ordinary mum into your hearts

and made me feel very special.

So, for the last time,

this is Joy Leonard saying I will never forget you.

I might just step outside for some fresh air.

CHEERING

# For she's a jolly good fellow For she's a jolly good fellow... #

-I just can't understand these tears.

-And Cyril isn't even here,

so it can't be an allergy, and it's not as if you're crying over me.

It just doesn't make any sense.

Three cheers for Mrs L!

Hip, hip. Hooray! Hip, hip. Hooray!

-Hip, hip. Hooray!

-Get away with you, it was nothing!

Really, it was my pleasure.

ALL: Awww!

'Mel's third and final task involved Vicki,

'which meant paying a visit to the Streetons' new home.'

-Hi, Mr Streeton.

-G'day, Larry. How you going, mate?

Bit of a comeuppance, isn't it, Lionel?

Still, got to look on the bright side, eh?

Yeah.

Cooee! Hello, Lockie!

Visitors already. Vicki? Visitors!

See ya.

-Hi.

-Hi.

I'm sorry about your house and everything.

It's OK. It's been good, actually.

You're just saying that, aren't you?

No, it's true. We've already spent more time together

than what we would've in the last six months.

You have to get pretty up close and personal in a caravan.

-That's what you've always wanted, isn't it? To be closer as a family.

-Always.

Hey, do you want to go for a walk?

'OK, Lockie. Mel's third and final and most difficult of tasks...'

Tell the person you care the most about exactly why.

-Hey, so, listen...

-This is so weird. After all this time,

you're the one that's leaving and I'm the one that's staying behind.

You're not staying right here exactly. You're going back to boarding school.

With all those pricey school fees? I don't think so.

-I'm starting back at Angelus High tomorrow.

-Say that again!

I'm staying right here in Angelus.

-Listen...

-I have something to say before you go.

-So do I.

-I know we've had our ups and downs,

but there's one thing that I'm sure of...even when I'm 90,

I'm still going to be thinking about you.

Every day. What?

What are you grinning for?

You just took the words right out of my mouth. Every last one of them.

'So, mission accomplished. It was time to report back to Mel.'

All done, Mel. Three out of three.

The three tasks I set you. Are you truly so mind bogglingly dumb

you couldn't see that they were all about me?

You could have at least TRIED to make peace with your worst enemy.

What?! Mel, you're not my worst enemy.

-Why would you say that?

-It'd have been nice if you'd said so.

And while we're on the subject, I don't see why you couldn't have done

the one thing you always meant to do with someone, but never have.

Like surfing, at the same time, on separate boards.

With me, and not with Egg.

And here's the best one...

You could have told the person you cared the most about

exactly why they'd been so important to you.

See? Anybody can see I'll never mean as much to you as Vicki does.

On the other hand,

Vicki's about as good on a surfboard as a fish is on a bicycle.

And if you can live with that,

I think I should be able to.

Egg's board's still got a few hours before it's due back.

If you're free.

Unless you're not done yelling at me, that is.

'So here's the thing...

'When I thought about what I'd be leaving behind,

'like the best friend I'd ever had,

'and a girl who wasn't going to shake herself out of my head

'till we were 90 years old,

'and a surfing buddy who loved the ocean just as much as I did,

'I had to ask myself...

'Why were we leaving, again?'

Listen.

GENTLE CROAKING

It's the frogs.

They're back.

Music of the night, we used to call it.

She's a very impressive woman, your mother.

I hope you realise that.

-I do.

-The impact she's had on Angelus.

-Watch out, Sydney.

-Yeah.

Watch out.

If she hadn't have lost her wedding ring,

we might have stayed...

But if my message of police work and poetry can't...

prevent theft in my own town,

might as well pack it up and waddle off into the sunset.

'It was true.

'With the frogs back, this place felt even more like home.

'Which made the thought of leaving even weirder.'

Phillip...are you crying?

It's just one of those unsolved scientific...mysteries.

I'm sure they'll find the answer...

in time.

Do you think there's a chance it might just

-have something to do with leaving Angelus?

-What?!

Leaving our home, and Angelus, and our friends,

to live thousands of miles away on the other side of the country?

As if!

Yeah, yes.

Of course I have to come to Sydney to do the show. Yes.

Yeah, absolutely.

It would be ludicrous of me to think I could record it from Angelus.

Yes, I know!

-How silly is that?

-< BABY CRIES

Er... Excuse me. Lockie...

Would you see to Blob?

I'm just on the phone to...

To Beyonce.

Yes, Beyonce!

Derek, I'm here.

Dirty nappy. Good-o.

Come on, Blob. Lay down.

Thank you.

'I figured out why Blob had been so grumpy lately.

'Sitting on a secret, not being able to tell anyone, can be stressful.

'Especially one so big it could just change everything.

Seeing as this is our, er... last day in this house,

and with the power due to be cut off prior to our departure around 3pm,

-I would hope we have completed the tasks on our "to do" list.

-Check.

Check.

Lockie?

Well... there is one last item I'd like to factor in.

-A farewell party? We'd love to come!

-I wouldn't miss it!

-I'm there!

-And you want us to bring some cake?

-Cake?

-TOGETHER: That's affirmative.

Oh, now that's funny, I thought we were to bring the cake. Never mind.

They're past their use-by date, but that's not going to hurt anyone.

We wouldn't want to see them going to waste, would we?

Rev.

Joy, Sarge, I wonder if you could step this way, please?

Goodness me, look at all those cakes.

How are we supposed to eat those? We'll be gone in an hour.

An hour? Oof!

MUSIC: "Bridal Chorus" by Richard Wagner

Mum, Sarge,

I know you've always wanted to renew your wedding vows, but...

I think you'll be needing this...

Oh, Lockie!

Oh, Lockie, where on earth did you find my wedding ring?

Trust me, you don't want to know,

but I don't think I'll be going back there very soon.

OK, folks, we're racing for time here.

Gather round, please.

OK, Sarge,

quick as you can.

Do you take Joy...

Hold it right there!

You drive a hard bargain, Joy Leonard,

but OK, you win.

If it means you'll stay with our radio station,

then you can do your show from Angelus.

And I guess we'll have to double your salary while we're at it.

Um...

I see.

Um, Rev, could we just have one second?

-SARGE:

-Please, nobody go anywhere.

Leonards, family meeting inside now.

Sorry, Reverend, we'll just be a... Just one second.

This extraordinary family conference is now in session, agreed?

TOGETHER: Agreed.

We have matters to discuss that impact on our...

Cut to the chase, Sarge.

Who votes we stay in Angelus?

-I do!

-I do.

I do.

And I do too.

Which means we stay in Angelus.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

How about that?

We don't have to leave Angelus to get everything we want,

everything we want has been in Angelus all along.

It's true what they say - "You can have your cake and throw it too."

Don't you mean eat it?

Oh!

Ah!

You didn't seem that worried

that I'd be leaving Angelus and you'd never see me again.

I wasn't.

You were never leaving Angelus.

I wasn't?

Why not?

Because you love me, Lockie Leonard.

Yeah.

I do.

-I suppose I should probably see about getting the power put on tomorrow.

-Yes, probably.

Yeah, good idea.

I guess so.

CREAKING

'Still, there's one thing about the Leonards -

'wherever we find ourselves and whatever we do,

'we can always make our own fun.'

TOGETHER: # When I see you, baby

# I go outta my head

# And I just can't get enough

# And I just can't get enough

# Ooh-ooh-ooh

# We slip and slide as we fall in love

# And I just can't seem to

# Get enough of

-# Doo doo doo doo-doo doo doo

-Bam, bam-bam

-# Doo doo doo doo-doo doo doo

-Bam, bam-bam... #

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