Crimes of the Heartless Lockie Leonard


Crimes of the Heartless

Live action comedy series. When Mum's wedding ring goes missing, Sarge questions if his approach to crime prevention in Angelus has fallen on deaf ears.


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Transcript


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# Worlds away from anyone They were finding themselves out in the sun

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# Worlds away from anyone

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# They were finding themselves out in the sun

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# There was just enough to get that far away... #

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'The human heart is an amazing thing.

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'On the one hand, it's just a bunch of valves

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'running on electricity, just a big pump,

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'banging away in your chest.

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'100,000 beats a day, 35 million beats a year.

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'But it does a whole heap of other complicated stuff, too -

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'wild stuff, like love and joy,

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'and stuff tough, like heartache and heartbreak.'

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It's broken.

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'Sarge reckons if you look at the worst-crimes of all-times list,

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'right at the top is heartlessness.'

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Over here, people.

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Try and keep up, please.

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'He reckons once you become heartless,

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'you forget other people's feelings

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'and start doing all sorts of scary things.'

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So, next stop on Le Grand Tour. Pilates studio to your right.

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And over here, a disco-come-bingo facility.

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All of which is still technically public land.

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-Strictly speaking, you're trespassing.

-I think you are, Sergeant.

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As of 11am tomorrow, this land is all mine.

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Well, as of 11am tomorrow, you can finish the grand tour.

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Come on, Sergeant. These folk don't get around so easily.

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-Have a heart.

-Oh, I have a heart, Barry.

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You?

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I'll be back. As for you and your family, Sergeant,

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you're a bunch of dreamers.

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You're exactly the kind of people that are holding this town back.

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You need to move with the times

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or risk being run over.

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'But Mr Streeton wasn't the real master of heartlessness.'

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Come on! Not me again.

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'But I probably could be...' MOBILE RINGS

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'..so it was probably my fault that Mel was back to her old tricks.'

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-Hey, Jess, long time no see.

-You!

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Out!

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-That was fast.

-Melanie, out!

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You really need to relax. Have you tried camomile tea?

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Out, out! Out, out, out.

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Out!!!

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BELL RINGS

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-Is now a good time to go?

-Now, young lady, or you'll need a stretcher.

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-What are you doing?

-Does anyone else hear that? Like an irritating little mosquito voice?

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Must be my imagination.

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'So, in case you're not picking it up,

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'I'm in a spot of trouble with Mel.'

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Lockie.

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'This is me making a mistake.

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'This is me making a bigger mistake.

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'You can't see me because I didn't show up.

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'That's the mistake.'

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I really am sorry.

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'Me realising my mistake, me not having much success apologising.'

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Sash!

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'I wasn't the only one struggling to say what needed saying.'

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Sash!

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"Sash." What am I, some kind of ribbon you win at a gymkhana?

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Make it quick. I've got plans.

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Quality friend time before said friend goes back to boarding school.

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'He needed to tell Sasha he wanted to break up with her.'

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OK.

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Well, the thing is, I think you're tops

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and I think your tops are even more tops.

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So the frontiers of science were given a good nudge today, I'm expecting.

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All things considered, the boys did extremely well.

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The science club presentation was a disaster.

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'Phillip and Joe are known to be sticklers for the facts

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'and one of those facts was that the average human

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'had six milk cartons of blood in their body.

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'Your heart pumps that around your body three times every minute,

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'which means your blood ends up travelling 19,000km every day.

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'Which means, in the name of scientific accuracy,

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'Phillip and Joe put a pretty strong pump inside that thing.'

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I knew I'd pushed the equipment to its limits.

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The staff have no scientific vision whatsoever.

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That's a bit harsh.

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My requests for a cryogenic incubator have repeatedly fallen on deaf ears.

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The faculty needs to move with the times.

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Well, perhaps things are just as they should be. Maybe that's the reason you're here.

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Maybe you're the one to light the fire of science at Angelus High.

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Possible. But right now, it feels like I'm operating in a vacuum.

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I'm a bit over cutlery anyway.

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Joy, what's... What's with the...?

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What, this?

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It's actually quite comforting.

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After years of nappies, Mum wasn't afraid of getting her hands dirty.

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MECHANISM WINDS DOWN

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CHEERING

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My rings.

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Excuse me. Sorry.

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I just can't believe... I mean, what kind of person steals a wedding ring?

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Joy, Joy, Joy, it's Angelus.

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Nobody stole your ring.

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-They didn't?

-No, someone's picked it up.

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They'll be on the station doorstep first thing in the morning with it.

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Such a stupid thing to do.

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It's all right.

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The symbol of our love.

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The circle of our family bond.

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It's just having a sleepover.

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It's as good as back on your finger.

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Good.

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Because I'd hate for anybody to think we'd broken up or anything.

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Shhh!

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'Egg decided he needed some expert advice.'

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Ah, yes. Breaking up.

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Your mother was an absolute professional.

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She used to write wicked break-up notes to me in the early days.

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-She did?

-Yeah. Five times before we got married.

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Well, I think it's an effective way to go.

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"Two little dickie birds sitting on rack

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"Fly away Peter, fly away Jack

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"Fly away, Eggleston, don't come back."

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She had a way with words, your mother.

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'Speaking of words,

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'if you look up the word optimistic in the dictionary,

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'Sarge is usually used as an example.

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'By lunch time, he might have fitted better under H for hopeful.

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'By evening, he'd slid all the way down to U for utter disappointment.'

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Sarge, it's...

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We were thinking...

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That you're holding this town back.

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-We were thinking...

-That it might be time to go home.

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We're only a phone call away if there are any other developments.

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-Appreciate it.

-You could always just leave the box out the front.

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That's a good idea, Constable.

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I might stick around a bit longer.

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DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

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Sarge?

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I see your mum's left me a lovely plate of leftovers.

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You should go to bed, Lock.

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'I didn't really know what was going on

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'but I kind of got that Sarge would be just as happy if I stayed up.'

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Did someone hand in Mum's ring?

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'It was like the answer was too much for him,

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'like it put a huge crack down the middle of his heart or something.'

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No, Lock.

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No-one's handed it in.

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Can't Sarge just buy her another one?

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I don't think it was so much the ring, Egg,

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but the fact that no-one handed it in.

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'One thing about Vicki Streeton - she gets stuff,

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'unlike Egg, who was still struggling.'

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What about this?

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"Dear Sasha, we had a lot of fun but I have better things to do now.

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"So, that's it.

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"We're done."

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-Hey, Egg.

-How's it going, Mel?

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Sorry, Egg, can't stay. Running late.

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So, I'll see you, Egg.

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So, onto the next second-hand shop?

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It's about one and a half centimetres tall,

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it's round and silver and answers to the name Joy's Ring.

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Perhaps if you know someone who may have accidentally come across it,

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then please call.

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No questions asked, none whatsoever.

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Yes, can I help you?

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Derek Hand, CSVTL Radio.

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I shouldn't be using publicly funded radio for personal announcements, should I?

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Here, my broadcasting licence. Take it. I've been busted.

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'Sarge was so disappointed about Mum's ring,

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'he started questioning anyone he thought was involved in the science presentation.'

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Were you two at the science presentation?

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If you lie to me, I'll find out.

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I want to talk to you about the science presentation.

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I'm just going for a sausage roll.

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'And as the day wore on, Sarge was arresting anyone who even looked sideways at him.'

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You got something to say?

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Save it for the station. Don't push me, mumsy.

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I'll use the cuffs if I have to.

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They say every town gets the criminals its prepared to put up with.

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I've looked for the best for too long

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and while I did, you lot slunk under the door.

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Sarge, I was thinking, maybe if you let them off with a cautionary poem?

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A poem?!

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Yeah, like that's going to make a difference.

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Dreamer.

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Oh, sterling idea, Constable Wattle.

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Why don't we put them all in their jim-jams and make them a cup of cocoa

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and tell them they ought to play nice?

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Sarcasm, Sarge? How could you be so heartless?

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So what actually happened between you and Mel?

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Nothing, really.

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Our lips sort of touched.

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Brushed against each other,

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like when you step on the back of someone's shoe.

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It was her who said we were just friends the first time I tried to kiss her.

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So that's two non-kisses, then.

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That would be why she's upset.

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Because somewhere in between those two kisses, she fell for you.

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We had this big plan...

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and then you turned up and you were upset

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and she was waiting for me and I didn't show.

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Well, it's not your fault I had a huge fight with my parents

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and cried for two hours.

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No but there was still time.

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After you were feeling better, I still could've gone but I didn't,

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even though I knew it would hurt her.

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I don't know.

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I think I kind of broke her heart.

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I didn't care about how she felt.

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Do you want to walk?

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'The good, the bad, the ugliest bits of you

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'and still she doesn't run away.

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'But I needed to stop running.

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'I was the criminal Sarge had been looking for.'

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There's no easy way to break this to you, Lock,

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but I think you're mature enough now to handle the truth.

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I've lost my way.

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Somehow, on my watch, we stopped looking after each other.

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I know.

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You do?

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Worst crime of all time.

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No!

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Heartlessness on a grand scale.

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'And if Mum's ring not being handed in cracked the Sarge's heart...'

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My own son.

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'..this... this broke his heart in two.'

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I'm sorry, Sarge.

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I have to take responsibility.

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It's not you.

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-It's me.

-It's me.

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Can we see them?

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Salmon patties.

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Don't bite into the big one, I've slipped a nail file in it.

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I deserve to be here.

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I was sarcastic today. I've let you all down.

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-Maybe you were feeling a little let down.

-That shouldn't make a difference.

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Nonsense, Sarge. You have given your heart and soul to this town.

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-And they've just...

-Stomped on it.

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Maybe Mr Streeton's right.

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I'm a dreamer.

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Maybe I'm the one holding this town back.

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Something crazy happened to me today.

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We've been keeping an ear on you, Joy Leonard,

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and we like what we hear.

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So we're proposing a three-year plan.

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Sure, we'll start you off small

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but by the end, we'll have made you a star.

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This is our starting offer.

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It would mean a move east.

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Sydney.

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It would be a fresh start for all of us.

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So shall we think about it at home, hmm?

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It would be a chance for you to recharge.

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You could write some verse of your own.

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Oh, because the literary community is just gagging

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for more poems from Sergeant Leonard.

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I am going to pretend that I did not hear that.

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He'll be as good as new in no time.

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Will he?

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That's what's miraculous about broken hearts.

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A little bit of time, a little bit of care...

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they heal right back up.

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Even if they've been smashed to smithereens?

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Even if they've been kicked from here to Calgoolie.

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What do you think about moving?

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It's science central. Phillip will love it.

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If I'm working, I wouldn't be around as much

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for you kids.

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We've had you to ourselves for a long time.

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I think it's about time we shared you with the rest of the world a bit.

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And if you were working, then Sarge could rest, couldn't he?

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When did you become so grown up?

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What's the plan with all the mandarins, Mum?

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Mandarin pikelets.

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For our breakfast meeting.

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Can't make a big decision on an empty stomach.

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The decision's just been made, hasn't it?

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Mandarin pikelets? Whoo-hoo!

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Should we have a show of hands?

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Mm.

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Hands in the air for a move east,

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hand on the table to stay in Angelus.

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-Phillip?

-Sydney Science Academy for Future Innovators, here we come.

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Blob? SHE BURPS AND FARTS

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I'm going to take that as a yes. Mum?

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'If Blob could talk, she'd be saying no,

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'for all the right reasons.'

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Blob's been in a contrary mood all day.

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Lockie, your vote.

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I think it's time for a new Leonard family adventure.

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What do you reckon, Sarge?

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No!

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'But we couldn't hear her. We were too busy trying to save the Sarge.'

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Looks like it's five votes to go east.

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That's it, then.

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We're leaving Angelus.

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-A new chapter.

-Another Leonard adventure.

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This is us.

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-This is our time!

-This is our time!

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'I know, we're acting a bit weird

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'but sometimes, when big stuff happens,

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'you have to say it out loud before it seems real.

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'According to Sasha, the big stuff had already been said,

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'loud and clear.'

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We talked about this three weeks ago.

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We did?

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I didn't want sauce on my chips.

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-But you always have sauce on your chips.

-I used to.

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But I've changed my mind.

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Me and sauce, we're finished.

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I'm sorry if I broke your heart, Egg,

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but it clearly wasn't meant to be.

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It wasn't?

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'And so, Sasha and Egg were no more.'

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Mel!

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'But I still had some unfinished business to take care of.'

0:20:130:20:17

Look, I know I don't really exist according to you

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but this might be your last chance to ignore me.

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I'm leaving Angelus.

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Are you going to chuck that over me? Should I be afraid?

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I just spent 3.50 on it.

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If I was going to chuck it on you, I'd wait till I was at the bottom.

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Do you want to go?

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Yeah. I think it's going to be good for everyone.

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-I hope you're not doing a me.

-What do you mean?

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I mean, I hope you're not running away because things got too messy,

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too hard.

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Because that would be a really stupid thing to do.

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Which is probably why you like the idea.

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I'm sorry about everything.

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-Don't worry about it.

-No, I have to tell you.

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-Mel, I think you're really awesome...

-Lockie, don't be nice to me.

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-Not yet. You're not allowed.

-I just want to say I'm...

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Best 3.50 I ever spent, I reckon.

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Goodbye, Lockie.

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It was nice knowing you.

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Is it true?

0:21:300:21:32

Wow.

0:21:330:21:35

Yep.

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-And this is definitely not a joke?

-No.

0:21:380:21:40

Why are you looking so hard done by? You're the one going back to boarding school next week.

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You're both leaving me.

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Well, they say absence makes the heart grow fonder, Egg.

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'Although I'm thinking, if my heart grew any fonder,

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'I reckon it would explode.

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'The same part of your body can make you feel like the most important person in the world

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'or as low as a cockroach.'

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BLOB CRIES

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She really is in a feral mood today.

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'And the most amazing thing?

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'Even the heart you think's been broken in two,

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'somehow, and almost as if by magic,

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'it can heal itself, can start beating again...

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'all on its own.'

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Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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When Mum's wedding ring goes missing, Sarge is forced to question if his approach to crime prevention in Angelus has fallen on deaf ears all along. Mel won't let Lockie off the hook easily, forcing him to confess his crimes, while Egg is worried he's about to break Sasha's heart.


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