Asteroid Attack M.I. High


Asteroid Attack

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Transcript


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Ahem. The end of the earth is nigh!

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Warnings were ignored and now mankind must pay the price.

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This asteroid will soon crash into the planet as was prophesised.

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But fear not, for there will be a New Gold Dawn.

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A perfect world without mankind!

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The contents of this video must remain confidential, Prime Minister.

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The need to avoid panic...

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And the asteroid will definitely destroy the Earth?

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Unless we can stop it?

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Oh, yes.

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Oh, phooey.

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Oh, phooey indeed, Prime Minister.

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The 21st century faces a new kind of threat.

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The old school spies have had their day,

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and MI9 must create a new breed of skilled undercover agent.

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Hidden in a place no villain will think to look.

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SCHOOL BELL RINGS

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Welcome to MI High.

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Today is all about a dense object of enormous size.

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Fifty Pence!

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I'm talking about the Asteroid K13.

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13km of solid rock.

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Can anyone tell me more?

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Julian?

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A giant dinosaur made the asteroids extinct?

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Rose?

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This afternoon, K13 will pass within 4,000 miles of the Earth.

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A once in a lifetime chance to see an asteroid so close.

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4,000 miles! Pretty close for something deadly!

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It will fly harmlessly overhead, as you'll see depicted in our dance.

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The local paper is on the way to report our dance extravaganza

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and photo the children with the asteroid.

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Don't worry, the rehearsal is all going smoothly!

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-No way am I wearing this!

-Girls!

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Come and show Mr Flatley your costumes.

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Letitia is K13, Zara is the sun, Daisy is the Earth.

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We look huge!

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I constructed them according to planetary mass.

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I'll leave you to it...

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Bicknall the phantom caretaker has vanished again.

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BLEEPING

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This tape was received by the Prime Minister's office this morning.

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The end of the earth is nigh!

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Warnings were ignored and now mankind must pay the price...

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This has to be a hoax sent by some kook? Right?

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This asteroid will crash into the planet...

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Ms Templeman said the asteroid would pass overhead,

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not turn us into a giant cinder!

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..a new gold dawn.

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Sorry, Daisy, this is for real.

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If K13 hit Earth, it would cause devastation.

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Dust clouds, tsunamis, winds...

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And a great big hole.

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Doesn't the UK have the world's most advanced asteroid defence?

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We did, until Doctor Von Quark vanished, along with all his work.

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Von who?

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Von Quark IS the defence programme. His work on asteroids is well known.

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So the bald guy kidnapped Von Quark?

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Possibly. There was no ransom note, only the video.

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A real life disaster movie.

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The Government's launched a missile to destroy K13.

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Why didn't you say so?

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Von Quark's missile guidance system took years.

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Without it, the missile has a slim chance of success.

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So this Dr Von Whatsit is the only person who can stop the asteroid?

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I am so not hearing this.

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The launch is in thirty minutes. You must keep this to yourselves.

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The giant rock of destiny speeds ever closer, the world is powerless!

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If only those shortsighted penpushers had heeded your words...

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It's the end of the world and we can't even tell anyone!

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That asteroid's going to get blitzed, no worries!

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'You're through to Linus Millar. Leave your message after the tone.'

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Hi Dad, uh, sorry to bother you,

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I just wanted to say, um, hi...

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From what you say, he's a busy man. He'll call.

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Will he?

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An asteroid bound for earth?

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We must contact our government mole immediately!

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Taybridge.

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Taybridge, this asteroid...

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Yes. I was going to tell you about that.

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When, exactly?

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I have been rather busy, with it being the end of the world.

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So it's true!

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What's the point of paying an informant who doesn't 'inform'?

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You've got an underground lair.

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Won't you be safe in that?

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You startled me, Prime Minister.

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It's time. COBRA officials are arriving for the emergency meeting.

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Dear Taybridge,

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trusted advisor, we will come through this, won't we?

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Without Von Quark, it's a shot in the dark.

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But we won't be in the dark.

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Check out the picture quality!

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Blane, before I forget, I downloaded this week's conspiracy club movie,

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Asteroid of Doom.

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Classic fifties sci-fi.

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Very topical.

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Word is there's a government cover up and K13's gonna hit Earth.

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Maybe they're right.

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What? You don't think I'm mad?

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When we said the dance would be huge,

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we didn't mean the costumes should be too.

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You have to change them!

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I don't have time.

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Well, make time, Geekoid!

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PHONE RINGS

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Your dad'll be in touch. Trust me.

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The missile launch!

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The moment is at hand.

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Cry God for Harry, England and St George!

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Wait for applause, read next card...

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Er, the fate of the world is in safe hands.

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British hands!

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Come on! Let's blast that overgrown rock-cake to pieces.

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'Missile launched.

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'10, 9,

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'8, 7, 6,

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'5,

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'4, 3,

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'2, 1.

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'Off target.

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'Asteroid unaffected.'

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Right, our mission's clear.

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We have to find Von Quark.

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We have three hours.

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The video's got to be our starting point.

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Whoever kidnapped Von Quark wanted the asteroid to hit.

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Who'd want that?

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Someone who wants the world to end. A cult?

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The guy in the video mentioned something about a prophesy.

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I'll test for fingerprints and info on the tape.

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-Daisy, I know this is a lot to get your head around.

-I'm OK.

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I'll concentrate on profiling Von Quark.

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I've got everything you need, Prime Minister.

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How many pairs of socks?

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Three or four. Warm ones for evenings.

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The climate will be altered by the impact.

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-I'm ahead of you on that one, Taybridge.

-Oh dear.

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PHONE RINGS

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Excuse me.

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-Taybridge.

-What's going on?

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Just because it's Doomsday, you don't return my calls?

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We're leaving... for a secret bunker.

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Secret bunker? Secret bunker! Where is it?

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It's a secret. You have to be a VIP, not the world's most wanted!

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This is corruption of the most disgraceful kind.

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So, a place in the bunker, what will it cost?

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Ah.

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I've found a cult based on asteroids.

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The Order of the New Gold Dawn.

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"Gold Dawn"? That's the phrase from the tape.

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They're run by a bloke called Reverend Isombard Septimus Nye.

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Our egg-head kidnapper.

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We need to find where they're based.

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I wondered how the asteroid was filmed so close up.

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Look, on the table. A lens calibration device.

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It's unique to large telescopes.

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The video must have been shot in an observatory.

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Great lead, team. I'll update the Prime Minster.

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Where is everyone?

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Looks like the Prime Minister's done a bunk.

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Left the fate of the world to us?

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-The Government wouldn't do that.

-Wake up, Rose, they've gone.

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We can't stop an asteroid, but Von Quark can.

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I'm gonna go to his house.

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The kidnapper must have left some kind of trail.

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PHONE RINGS

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-Dad.

-Daisy. I'm at the gates.

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-You're where?

-Come and meet me now.

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OK, I'll be right there.

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Think of the panic!

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Those fools in the government will be wishing there were some way out.

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You gave them their chance and they blew it!

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Ha ha ha ha!

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Dad! Why are you here?

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The asteroid everyone is talking about... it's going to hit Earth.

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My contacts have got us a place in a secret bunker.

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It's miles below ground.

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What about my friends?

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Sorry, we're lucky to get a place ourselves.

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there isn't room for everybody. Come on. We must hurry.

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Darling, please.

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Bicknall?

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Sir, sir, you have to listen!

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All the signs are there.

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Ministers leaving, communications shutting down.

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It's going to be a catastrophe!

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It will be if we get an embarrassing write up in the Gazette!

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Miss, it's about the asteroid!

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I'll be glad when it's over.

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Daisy is missing, and we can't rehearse without Earth.

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If no-one listens, there won't be Earth!

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And if I don't find Daisy, there won't be a dance performance.

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We have to start building an asteroid-proof bunker, now!

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That's not a bad plan, boy,

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you might need this.

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-It seems Daisy has changed her plans without telling us.

-No way!

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She's not like the lot at COBRA.

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No ID, no entry.

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Outrageous! Surely you recognise your own Prime Minister?

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Faces change fast in the political world.

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It's only the perks that stay the same.

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Here it is, under your daily moisturiser!

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Let's get in before the royals nab the best seats.

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Here we are. Safe.

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Just as I thought, the cowardly rats deserting the sinking ship.

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They think because they're very important persons,

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they'll survive in their pathetic bunker. Wroooooong!

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As soon as the doorman closes the door,

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my magnetic lock will shut them in...

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Forever!

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Ha ha ha ha!

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I digitally enhanced the background noise on the tape.

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A ship's siren?

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I reckon it was shot within one km of the sea.

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I listed all observatories in the UK.

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Two are by the sea, one of them is five kilometres inland.

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Leaving us Salt Bay Observatory.

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-The cult's base?

-It has to be.

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You'll need your mission gadgets.

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A pen containing an inner-ear distorter.

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It'll cause any attacker to lose their balance.

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This hair-grip emits a deafening noise, useful to distract.

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We're trying to save the world with a hair-grip?!

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If we don't find Von Quark, what about St Hope's?

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I'll bring them down here. I've faith in you.

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The fate of the world is in safe hands.

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This fake Sheik routine better work, hopefully they won't spot I'm wearing

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bed linen.

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Welcome, your excellency.

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Sorry, no flip-flops.

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This is a smart establishment!

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You impertinent, overgrown doorstop, do you know who I am?

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I am the Grand...Sheik!

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What kind of a crooked set-up are you running here?

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Come back when you've got some proper shoes.

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You'll live to regret this!

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Why aren't I in any of your solos?

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I dunno. Blame Rose.

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We should really test this inner-ear distorter.

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HIGH-PITCHED BUZZING

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-Satisfied?

-Very!

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I just need some air...

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I don't remember you having claustrophobia.

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Dad, there's a lot of things you don't know about me.

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Look, Daisy, I know I haven't always been there for you,

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but all that's going to change.

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You've said that a billion times before.

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It took the end of the world for me to realise what's important.

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-You.

-I'll see you back inside.

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Keep an eye on her.

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So who decides who's on the list?

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The powers that be.

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The rich and powerful look after themselves.

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What about everyone else?

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Be happy you've got a place in there. There's lots who haven't.

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This guy, Von Quark... it says he signed in this morning?

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-Is this him?

-Yes, except he'd done something with his hair.

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-What?

-Lost it.

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I remember him because he signed in, then left not long after.

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You're sure about that?

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Where are you going? I'm about to lock the door!

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Tell my dad he was right - you have to know what's important.

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I've changed my shoes!

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I am a very important person!

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Poor Stewart. You're not the only one in a hole.

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40 minutes to go.

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PHONE RINGS

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Daisy! What happened?

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I've realised I'm more MI9 than VIP.

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Knew you would! Rose and Blane have gone to the cult's observatory.

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Give me the address, I need to get there!

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This is where it all takes place.

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We'll be starting in 15 minutes.

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If this is a success, The Nutcracker beckons.

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MUSIC STARTS UP

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Not yet! Still no sign of Daisy?

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Put this on. Now!

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Spinning through the milky way comes a giant asteroid.

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She reaches our solar system.

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Yes, there is the sun!

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And dear old mother Earth.

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The Earth,

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only 4,000 miles from the asteroid's path.

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LAUGHTER

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Modern dance. So expressive!

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I'll locate Von Quark, you take out the kidnappers.

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-Reverend Nye!

-Hand over Von Quark.

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It's not too late, we can do a deal.

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Ah, but it is too late.

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They had their chances, but no-one listened.

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..if I was in the middle of the children with the asteroid over...

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Take cover! Come to the shelter!

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Is this part of the show?

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The government lied about the asteroid.

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-we've only minutes before it strikes Earth!

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Critchley, please, stop this nonsense!

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I've got a month's supply of food and water!

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-This way, guys.

-Aaaaargh!

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Critchley, you are in very deep trouble!

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Kenneth!

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Look, whatever issues you have, we can sort them.

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But everything is sorted.

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K13 is on its way to cleanse the world of foolish humanity!

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He's not going to hand over Von Quark. He's lost it big time!

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Daisy!

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Von Quark's not here!

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He's right in front of you. Reverend Nye is Von Quark!

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The old me. He no longer exists.

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Von Quark the scientist has gone, because no-one would listen to him.

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We're listening now. We need your calculation.

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Ah! The Asteroid Defence Programme?

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Pah! Those government idiots showed me mankind is not worth saving.

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How can you say that?

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You spent your life working towards this moment, saving the world.

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But I am saving the world.

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Mankind is part of the problem, not the solution.

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Speak for yourself, domehead.

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Come, we shall watch the New Gold Dawn together!

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I want everyone to follow me immediately.

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We must leave the playing field, now!

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Hah! The elusive Mr Bicknall.

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Sorry, this is an emergency. Follow me, everyone.

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Stay where you are, children.

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Follow me. That's an order.

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Hang on, I give the orders round here! Children, what I would like...

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We must evacuate the area immediately. Hurry!

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Back line first, the rest in an orderly line.

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Wait for me!

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You wouldn't want to miss the end of the world.

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I'll open the roof for a better view.

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Have you got the gadget Lenny gave you? Wait for my signal.

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Children are the future, not this!

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The asteroid's about to hit. Get down!

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Has it begun already?

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Too late, we failed.

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The asteroid hit Earth.

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Witness the birth of a New Gold Dawn, beautiful, isn't it?

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What a shame you didn't find the calculation in time.

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Asteroid Defence Programme, priority red!

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-What's she doing? It's all over.

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Er, not quite. The asteroid hasn't hit yet.

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But the devastation outside?

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Rigged. Good job you're not into old movies.

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You saw Stewart's sci-fi film hooked up to the telescope monitor.

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Saved! I almost feel like hugging you. Almost.

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Missile fired!

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The Von Quark calculation will guide it to the asteroid's core.

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'10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5,

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'4, 3, 2, 1.'

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Yes!

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'Asteroid destroyed.'

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Ms Templeman!

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PHONE RINGS

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Lenny, we did it! We saved the world!

0:24:410:24:43

Bicknall, is this a joke?

0:24:430:24:46

No, Mr F!

0:24:460:24:48

Er, health and safety.

0:24:480:24:49

-Health and...

-Safety.

0:24:490:24:51

There's a blooming big hole in that field, it's a hazard.

0:24:510:24:55

-Yes, but...

-As caretaker, I wouldn't be doing my duty

0:24:550:24:59

unless I get these kids off the field before some fool falls in there.

0:24:590:25:03

You may've saved the world,

0:25:050:25:07

but the government stooges in their bunker are finished.

0:25:070:25:11

The VIP bunker? My dad's in there!

0:25:110:25:13

I've put a magnetic lock on the door.

0:25:130:25:16

You'll never open it.

0:25:160:25:18

It's password protected!

0:25:220:25:25

Oh, Flopsy.

0:25:250:25:28

What a pitiful end for a master criminal.

0:25:280:25:32

I promise, if we're spared, I will give up crime forever.

0:25:320:25:38

I've only got one more attempt.

0:25:420:25:44

What's Von Quark's fake name?

0:25:440:25:46

The Reverend Isombard Nye.

0:25:460:25:48

-He had a middle name.

-Reverend Isombard Septimus Nye.

0:25:480:25:52

End is Nigh! Of course!

0:25:520:25:54

The Rever-end I-S Nye!

0:25:540:25:59

Asteroid alert over!

0:26:060:26:09

-What now?

-We go home and pretend to be heroes.

0:26:130:26:17

Marvellous! Oh, er... I'll need a victory speech.

0:26:170:26:21

Don't worry, Prime Minister. I'm already on it.

0:26:210:26:24

It's a miracle, Flopsy!

0:26:260:26:30

Thank goodness I kept my fingers crossed when I made that promise.

0:26:300:26:35

For I have new schemes.

0:26:350:26:38

Evil beyond imagining!

0:26:380:26:42

SCARY LAUGHTER

0:26:420:26:48

Mr Flatley, it's time.

0:26:520:26:54

Oh, right. Ready, kids?

0:26:540:26:57

Five, four, three, two...

0:26:570:27:00

one!

0:27:000:27:02

Where is it? There's nothing there.

0:27:040:27:09

'You're through to Linus Millar. Leave your message...'

0:27:130:27:17

Hi, Mum, how you doing?

0:27:170:27:19

Dad! Hi. Yes, it was a bit of an anti-climax, wasn't it?

0:27:190:27:23

Destroying an asteroid and saving Britain's VIPs. Not bad.

0:27:250:27:30

I should tell the others how I nearly let them down.

0:27:300:27:33

You didn't.

0:27:330:27:36

That's what counts.

0:27:360:27:37

We kicked as-teroid!

0:27:410:27:43

A good suit ruined. In Bicknall's bad books.

0:27:460:27:49

Humiliated in the national press.

0:27:490:27:51

What else can go wrong?

0:27:510:27:53

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:27:560:27:59

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