Ancient Egypt Marrying Mum and Dad

-BOTH:

-Marrying Mum And Dad is back!

-CHEERING

'Get ready for more crazy parents handing over total control

-'of their wedding day.'

-LAUGHTER

'The kids are in charge. They can do whatever they want.'

-ALL:

-Liftoff!

That's your mum and dad's wedding cake.

SCREAMING

Mum and Dad have no idea what's about to happen.

They have to wait till their wedding day to find out.

-Wow!

-Oh!

-Fantastic.

It's a massive risk.

-ALL:

-Smash it.

'And we've got less than four weeks to organise everything.

'On today's show, Mum and Dad have handed over control...'

I now pronounce you, Eric and Jack, officially, 100% in charge!

LAUGHTER

'..but what will they SPHINX of their wedding plans?'

That's a shock to the system.

'We've got a brother and sister team

'determined to put their parents in deep water.'

Watch out behind you, Mum!

There's the guts, yeah.

'Will the kids face the wrath of the pharaohs after this big day?'

-We're about to find out.

-Because we're...

-ALL:

-Marrying Mum and Dad!

-CHEERING

This is Marrying Mum And Dad.

The show where you guys are in complete control

of your parents' wedding.

And if previous shows are anything to go by,

-you guys aren't fans of your typical wedding.

-You can say that again.

And I'm sure today's wedding planners will be no exception.

Shall we meet them?

So, let's sweep over to the south-west and to Dorset.

Meet Jack...

Oh, Jack. You have a lot to learn.

We're sick of it,

Mum and Dad saying they're going to get married for years.

17 years later, still nothing.

..and his younger sister, Erin.

So, we're taking over.

Brother and sister who actually agree.

Erin is very annoying.

Like, really annoying.

Oh, well, maybe not.

Gravel time, Jack.

You're an idiot.

Jack is annoying...boring.

Let's hope these two can cooperate to make their parents' wedding

a real treasure.

Completing the family is their 11-year-old brother James,

mum Emma and dad Vernon.

Erin will have the wacky ideas.

-I think Jack could be mischievous.

-Yeah, there's an edge in it.

-There is definitely an element of...

-Revenge.

-That's what we like to hear, Naomi.

-Let's unearth the plans.

For Mum and Dad's wedding we are going back in time.

Yeah, back in time thousands of years.

BOTH: Because our theme is...

whoa-oa-oa...

Ancient Egypt!

-This is going to be amazing!

-Naomi, what are you doing?

-I can just see it now. Pyramids, sphinxes, pharaoh...

-Naomi...

..not forgetting mummies.

Let's hope the kids are better at bringing Ancient Egypt to life

-than Naomi.

-Oi.

A hot Egyptian desert wedding with its pyramids

and sphinx will be no easy feat because,

let's face the scary reality,

Dorset couldn't be more different.

But if anyone can lead such a tricky expedition, it's me and Naomi.

Oh, and today's wedding planners, of course.

Jack and Erin are full of ideas on outfits, transport, cake,

where to hold the wedding and slightly alarming entertainment.

And how are you planning to entertain everybody?

-Crocodiles.

-What?

-This is Dad, that's a big tank...

-Yeah.

-Plus crocodiles, plus rings.

Equals that.

So you're going to make your dad go into a crocodile-infested pool

-to get the rings?

-Yeah.

He's going to have to jump in and swim to the other end with

crocodiles and get the rings so he can get married.

We're going to have it so he gets in with no crocodiles

and then put the crocodiles in after he's in. So...

So he doesn't really have a choice.

'Well, I've heard of revenge, but this is taking things to a whole

'new level on Marrying Mum And Dad.'

With their minds made up to terrify Dad on his wedding day,

Erin and Jack set about finding the crocs who'll do the honours.

After some digging, we find some who are up for a challenge...

and happen to be hanging out in a local conference centre.

Right, this is Gnasher.

Say hello to Gnasher, then.

-Isn't he beautiful?

-Hello, Gnasher.

Now, there's 24 species of crocodile in the world

and he is a Caiman crocodilus. He's got a very nasty bite.

He did bite me, he put me in hospital for two days.

If he bites you he'll spin over and take a great big lump of meat out.

All I'm thinking about is the fact that this crocodile wants to eat me.

Yeah, he's opening his mouth to warn you, "This is what I've got."

In Egypt, they were worshipped as gods.

So they were very important in Egypt.

-How many people worldwide a year get killed by crocodiles?

-Lots.

They are quite dangerous creatures

and the bite from them is particularly nasty.

'Jack and Erin think they're perfect for the wedding.'

But what are Mum and Dad expecting?

I think it's good to be taken out of your comfort zone

so, actually, why would Jack not think that might be

a good idea to take Mum and Dad out of their comfort zone?

I've decided that nothing ridiculously cruel would happen

and therefore go with the flow.

Go with the flow of crocodiles, you mean, Dad.

You might be eating your words.

If the crocs don't eat you first.

The man-eating bit isn't putting off our wedding planners.

Right, are you up for holding one, then?

-JACK:

-Yeah.

Don't worry, its jaws are safely clamped shut with...

elastic bands.

-TREVOR:

-Put your hands round there.

Keep your hands round his neck all the time. And there you go.

You are holding a crocodile. Well, you're a natural with him.

-Do you want to put your hands around the neck?

-Yeah.

-Round the neck.

It's really freaking me... Don't, Erin. Don't do that.

When you see these in the water, they will swim really fast.

'So, now that we're all friends, Jack and Erin want to talk

'about what Trevor and his crocs could do on the wedding day.'

When Dad gets in the water and starts to go for the rings,

he'll think it's easy and then for them to go in through a chute.

-TREVOR:

-I think that would be fantastic.

He'll sort of see them coming towards him.

I think it will work really well.

'But just when we thought we had the snappy entertainment sewn up,

'our young wedding planners have another idea.

'A few days later, they decide to throw Mum in the pool, too.'

Poor Mum.

Next on the list is what everyone's going to eat at the wedding

and Jack and Erin have the mother, or should I say mummy, of all plans.

-The cake.

-ERIN GASPS

-Erin's got excited about that.

-Yeah.

-Why is that?

Because it's going to be like a mummy, like as long as a person

-and then...

-You want a cake as big as a human being?

-Yeah.

And then there are going to be, like, the little squares where Mum

and Dad will have to cut in and pull out guts made of, like,

jam or jelly.

That's a brilliant idea.

-Is it possible to bake a cake as big as a human being?

-Hopefully.

After some research, we find a cake maker up for the challenge

of creating a life-size edible mummy. But there's a problem.

-Do you have a mould that size?

-The size of a mummy?

-Yeah.

-No.

Have you got any suggestions of what we might be able to do?

-Well, why don't we make a model of Jack.

-Can we do that? Yeah?

-Yeah.

-Are you up for being a model?

-Yeah, sure.

-He's up for it.

-Cool.

'I bet Jack never thought he'd be a mummy cake mould

'when he woke up today.'

-You are rocking the bin bag look. Lie down, then.

-Here it is!

'First up, we have to apply some quick-drying dental putty to form

'a base layer.'

Quick, quick, quick. Use the spatula.

That's working better, that's working better.

It's making me feel sick.

Bring in the stuff.

'Next, we put plaster of Paris on top of the base layer

'so it can harden to form the shape needed for our cake mould.'

-How does it feel?

-Cold and weird.

It's gone down his neck, oh, no!

I think Erin and Naomi are enjoying this a little too much.

-Have faith in us.

-You shouldn't, but...

LAUGHTER

We're not laughing at you, we're laughing with you. Honestly.

-Here we are, all done. Shall we go and get a cup of tea?

-Yeah.

-Bye.

See you, Jack.

A major reason Jack and Erin are so keen to mould the perfect

wedding is because of their brother, Jimmy.

He's got Hunter syndrome

and he can't speak or hear or walk properly any more.

-He can't communicate.

-He's started to have a wheelchair now

and we wanted to have a wedding for him before he passes away

so we wanted to have it with him, as a family.

It's a fantastic reason to get Mum and Dad up the aisle via the Nile.

Back at the cake maker's, it's an hour later and the moment of truth.

-Shall we try to get you out of that, then?

-OK.

-Fingers crossed this works.

THEY STRAIN

-It's crumbled!

-It worked!

-Has it actually worked?

-It's quite heavy.

-Yes! Hooray! How do you feel to be out of it?

-Good. Relieved.

It's all sweaty and disgusting.

Eurgh! I hope the cake's not.

CHEERING

-You better get baking.

-Thank you.

-Good luck. Come on, Jack.

You can come, too.

Now it's up to the Sam to mix together 120 eggs,

6kgs of butter and sugar

and 20kgs of icing sugar to bring this mummy-sized cake to life.

But for now, it's sorted.

As you might expect by now, Jack and Erin have an unusual take

on where to hold this Egyptian-inspired extravaganza.

-So, are we thinking an Egyptian tomb for the venue?

-Yeah.

Oh, well. They're the wedding planners.

Problem is, Dorset isn't exactly famous for its pyramids.

But this small fact isn't putting them off.

As far as the venue goes, are you sort of looking for a blank canvas,

-somewhere you can change into...

-Yeah.

-..Ancient Egypt?

So what are you imagining inside the venue?

Quite a sandy yellow colour to it.

So, like, it looks like an Egyptian tomb.

So, like, not really much modern left of it just completely

transform it.

There could be a throne at the end where Dad and Mum could sit down.

-You definitely want it to be a tomb?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

PHARAOH-NOUGH.

Huh?

I'm sorry.

Something tells me that probably isn't top of Mum and Dad's

list of venues. Just a hunch.

Well, I'd imagine my wedding to be very traditional.

Hold on! Traditional? As in ancient?

I presume a church wedding.

And a formal reception,

but then I'm a very boring, traditional sort of person.

ALARM BLARES

Traditional and boring - have you seen the show before, Dad?

That's definitely not what's going to happen!

Meanwhile, the guys assure me they have found the perfect

place for a pyramid.

Right, that doesn't exactly scream Ancient Egypt.

I hope they know what they're doing.

We could probably build something in here,

so build a building inside of the building.

-Make a big Egyptian set.

-A tomb inside?

-Yeah.

Well, I've got some tape, so maybe we can try

and work out how to transform it.

We could have it in the middle.

-Right...

-Have it, like, in the centre coming from that wall up to here.

-About up to...

-Do you want to help?

'Maybe it's a mirage, but I'm still not seeing Egypt on the horizon.

'I hope they're not in DE-NILE.'

You going right to the end of the room?

-Would you have everyone sitting down? Standing?

-Standing.

They have got such fantastic ideas

but it's quite ambitious to bring a whole Egyptian tomb indoors.

I'm not sure we're going to be able to make something this big.

But, undeterred, the guys show Naomi where

the crocodile fright fest could take place.

So we were thinking of this space being perfect for the swimming pool.

Er, are you sure?

We'll have the swimming pool here and then what?

We'll get all the guests to come and stand around?

They can stand around the edge of the pool,

it will be quite a wide pool all the way up there.

So we've got to order a massive pool for out here,

build a huge Egyptian tomb in there

and then we can say that's venue sorted?

-BOTH:

-Yeah.

-Pretty much.

-Just one or two things to do.

We should start thinking about costumes now,

what people are going to wear.

Next, our wedding planners turn their attention

to the wedding outfits.

And they've got some very royal ideas.

-Costume?

-Mum and Erin want to be like Cleopatra.

-Two Cleopatras?

-Yeah.

-Why not? It's your wedding day, you can do what you like.

And then you want Dad, James and you to be the pharaohs.

Yeah, like we're the sons of him

and he's the big proper pharaoh king and we're just the...

-And you're going to inherit his kingdom.

-Yeah.

-The Tutankhamens.

-Dad's crown... Oh, you want him to have a headdress?

-Yeah.

Like that big famous one, the Tutankhamen.

Yeah, make it out of gold and metal and have a cobra on the front.

Jack and Erin want to make a metal headdress

like the world-famous Tutankhamen mask.

After sending their ideas to a local blacksmith,

we head down to bash out their plans.

Look at us, we are in a real forge

with a blacksmith. Gr-rr-rr!

It would be a good idea, actually, to make this out of metal.

It would look quite good, wouldn't it?

This is how Tutankhamen's mask would have been made originally.

So the Egyptians used to work in forges exactly the same as this?

-They did.

-Wow.

This ancient technique can be traced back over 6,000 years.

While Ed and Erin start beating the headpiece into shape...

Whack it.

Whack it.

'..Jack helps out making the cobra for the front.'

How hot will it get in there?

-It gets to at least 1,370 degrees.

-Pretty hot.

-You finding this satisfying, Erin?

-Yeah.

Who are you thinking of when you whack it?

Jack.

-I think sparks are about to start flying.

-I'll do the jokes, Naomi.

-There you go, Jack.

-That looks amazing.

-Do you think this will be

-the crowning glory to your dad's outfit?

-BOTH: Definitely.

That's brilliant.

Let's walk like Egyptians out of here.

See, Naomi? Comedy genius!

Jack and Erin are doing well, but they still have loads to organise,

including working out how Mum and Dad will be getting to their wedding.

Talk me through the transport.

Mum and Dad will get there in an Egyptian cart pulled by horses.

-Oh, a chariot?

-Yeah. Like, a massive chariot.

I can't think of a better way for an Egyptian king and queen

to turn up at their wedding than an Egyptian chariot. That looks great.

Since these chariots haven't been used in over 4,000 years,

getting hold of one today might be difficult,

and our hunt leads us to Devon...naturally.

Right, so you two said you wanted an Egyptian chariot to get

-Mum and Dad to their wedding. BOTH:

-Yeah.

Where else would you find one of those than on a rainy farm in Devon?

Wow, it's just like being back in ancient Egypt...

kind of.

That's really cool.

-I SPHINX that's what you're after!

-Yeah.

Wow!

-Hi, Jonathan.

-Hello, good morning, all.

-Hello, this is Jack and Erin...

Hello, Jack and Erin.

..and they wouldn't mind telling you about their ideas for the wedding,

-if that's all right?

-Yes.

-Are we allowed to decorate it?

-Yes.

How are we going to get it to the venue?

Well, I'll get it up there.

We've got a lorry, so we'll put the horses or the ponies

and the chariot on a lorry and we'll come up.

-Lovely Egyptian weather.

-On you go, then. Go on.

'With the details worked out,

'before it gets the final seal of approval,

'it's time for a quick spin.'

DRAMATIC EGYPTIAN MUSIC

There they go, racing across the dusty Sahara Desert at great speed...

..well, sort of.

'We might have to imagine that one.'

-How is it?

-Fun!

-It's really good.

How do you think Mum and Dad will feel about this sort of transport?

I think that they'll be a bit surprised

that it's a proper chariot.

So, can we say transport, tick?

-Yes, definitely.

-Yeah.

-Woo-hoo!

'So that's it. Jack and Erin have done it.

'They've organised some snappy entertainment...'

All I'm thinking about is the fact that this crocodile wants to eat me.

'..hammered out the outfits, and moulded the cake.'

-Have faith in us.

-You shouldn't, but...

LAUGHTER

'All to bring a slice of Egypt right here to Dorset.'

It's the day before the wedding, and at the venue,

the Marrying Mum and Dad design team have their work cut out.

So Jack and Erin have come to help.

-This is pretty cool.

-It's so cool.

-It's really good.

It looks like we've got a lot of work to do, though.

Let's get the sand in.

So, basically, all this sand needs to get in there. Do you want a go?

SHE LAUGHS

The hotel owners are going to love you.

As the children work hard at destroying an expensive carpet,

Mum and Dad are completely unaware of what's in store for them tomorrow.

-I'm getting nervous.

-Yeah, so am I.

Before, I was just apprehensive,

but now the nerves are beginning to raise themselves little bit.

The fact that we've allowed children to organise our wedding.

Yeah, I think so.

Let's just hope your children get everything ready in time.

No!

The wait is finally over.

It's the morning of the wedding, and as Mum and Dad

get their make-up done, they still have no idea what's about to happen.

Because I've never had make-up done before, I don't know what's

being done, so I don't know what I'm going to look like.

I can't tell from what's happened so far what I actually am.

I immediately thought mermaid.

A mermaid? With that hair? Not even close.

It's nearly time to put them out of their misery.

After a quick change, Erin is in theme as Cleopatra,

Jack and Jimmy as pharaohs, and Naomi and I as Egyptian gods.

Oh, it's a bit windy! It's gone right up my tunic, Naomi!

LAUGHTER

-You lot look fantastic. You feeling good in your outfits?

-Yeah.

You look so good, all of you.

It's the moment of truth.

Mum and Dad, are you ready to see what you're

wearing on your wedding day?

-Yes.

-On the count of three, then you can open your eyes.

One, two, three...

LAUGHTER

Oh, my word! that's fantastic.

Well, that's a shock to the system.

LAUGHTER

Any guesses what the theme might be?

-It's Egyptian, isn't it?

-Well done.

It's not Caribbean, it's not Rastafarian, it's not mermaid.

How heavy is your headdress?

It's not heavy, it just feels a little bit...

-I must remember not to lean over.

-The blacksmith made it.

Yeah, your headdress was handmade with your children's help.

-Really?

-Oh! By a blacksmith?

-Oh, well done!

-It's brilliant, it's absolutely brilliant.

The theme and outfits are a success.

Let's get Mum and Dad to their venue on some fancy,

four-legged transport.

OK, Mum and Dad...

behold your transport!

LAUGHTER

-Well, you better go and hop on.

-Oh, brilliant.

Your chariot literally awaits.

Hold on tight!

Do you need a hand? Are you all right?

Oh, she's done it.

Is this how you thought you'd be travelling to your wedding?

Every day I thought this! No surprise at all!

-It's lovely!

-This is absolutely brilliant.

All right, then, well, have a safe journey.

-Thank you very much!

-Thank you!

-Go on, then.

-See you later!

Oh, this is brilliant!

Right, we'd better get a move on. Your guests will be waiting.

Hey, don't worry about the guests, the crocs are waiting,

-and they're hungry! Come on.

-Let's make it snappy! Ha-ha!

We all hotfooted over to the venue

and arrived just in time to welcome our pharaoh

and his future queen as they pull up to meet their fellow Egyptians.

CHEERING

Please stop!

Remember, Mum and Dad have no idea about the snappy entertainment

Jack and Erin have planned for them.

Let's hope they're not out of their depth.

Shall we get them married, mortals?

-CHEERING

-Rargh!

Wait, before we can walk you down the aisle,

we've arranged for you a true test of bravery.

-"A true test of bravery"? Uh-oh!

-Come with us.

LAUGHTER

It's 10,000 litres of our very own River Nile.

That took ages to fill up.

You both have to retrieve your rings from the pool.

LAUGHTER

Dad, you'll be getting the one from up there,

and Mum, you'll be getting the one in the bottom.

And you both have to wear these.

LAUGHTER

Faced with what they believe is just a dip in a pool,

they don't seem too worried.

Absolutely enthralled.

It should be really easy.

I'm sure I'll manage it.

-Yes!

-We'll take on the challenge.

-Absolutely.

You'll snap out of that fighting talk

when you realise you won't be in there alone, Mum and Dad.

The gods declare that this water is too pure!

Yes, the gods say something is missing!

We demand a sacrifice!

Watch out, Mum and Dad.

EVIL LAUGHTER

More dastardly laughing!

THEY ALL LAUGH

Right, feeble humans, please enter the Nile.

Oh, hang on, there's something missing from this Nile.

Oh, my...

LAUGHTER

Release more crocodiles!

Erin, where's the rings?

Yes, Mum and Dad, they're getting bigger...

Let the challenge begin!

Go find the ring.

Have they had their breakfast?

Where's the ring?

You pathetic humans!

He's done it!

CHEERING

I've got it. I've got it, I've got it, I've got it,

Watch out behind you, Mum!

LAUGHTER

Go on, Mum! Go on, Mum!

Go on, Mum! Go on, Mum!

MUM SHRIEKS Come on, give her a cheer!

Come on, Emma! CHEERING

-Come on, Mum!

-CHEERING

Well done, Mum and Dad.

You may marry.

CHEERING

Incredible. They survived their true test of bravery.

Now they can get hitched.

Remember, 24 hours ago, this was a hotel conference room.

Now, it's been transformed into a scene straight from ancient Egypt.

SOFT PIANO MUSIC

Emma, I give you this ring...

Vernon, I give you this ring...

..as a symbol of our marriage...

And as a reminder...

..of the vows we have made here today.

So, Vernon and Emma, it now gives me

great pleasure to pronounce you husband and wife.

You may now kiss the bride.

CHEERING

Long overdue. It's something we should have done years ago,

-isn't it?

-Yeah.

-Absolutely fantastic.

-It feels very right.

CHEERING

They've done it. After 17 years, Mum and Dad have finally tied the knot,

and it's all because of their children.

What better way to celebrate than with a life-sized mummy cake?

Mum and Dad, it's time to show you your very special Egyptian

wedding cake! Take a look.

LAUGHTER

-Oh, fantastic!

-I didn't have that in mind.

LAUGHTER

Any Egyptian expert will tell you that if you're making a mummy,

you need to remove the guts first, but we forgot to do that.

-ALL:

-Oops.

-Oh, no.

-You've got to take the guts out.

Come on, take the guts out.

Oh, I can see it, there's the guts, yeah.

LAUGHTER

The most appetising wedding cake you've ever seen! Ooh!

Who wants some guts?

CHEERING

Do you know what? That's really quite tasty.

Who wouldn't fancy a slice of cake with a side of mummified guts? Yum!

# Walk like an Egyptian... #

EVIL LAUGHTER

With everyone fed, the day draws to a close, but what

Egyptian wedding would be complete without...

-ALL:

-..mummifying Mum and Dad!

Jack and Erin have put so much effort

and so much detail into organising this.

It's just lovely that they've been a team

and they've been able to work as a team and produce such

a fantastic day that, you know, we're never going to forget.

The fact that we're all here as a family, all three children,

and obviously, especially James, is just so special.

How's the day gone for our wedding planners?

I find the wedding quite rewarding, that you've actually done this,

and we've created all this, and it's turned out really well.

It was hard, but at the end, it was worth it.

BOTH: Job done!

I couldn't have put it better myself.

Since this wedding took place,

Jack and Erin's brother James sadly died due to his condition.

But the family still wanted to share their special day with you,

and they hope that you enjoyed it as much as they did.