The Stuarts Marrying Mum and Dad

Up and down the country, parents are getting married in normal,

traditional ceremonies.

Normal weddings are quite...boring.

But fear not, Britain, because we're fighting back.

Open your eyes!

Kids have set themselves the challenge of a lifetime...

Quiet on set!

To organise their parents' wedding.

Bring it on!

And to make it a day that no-one will ever forget.

CHEERS

Will they manage it?

I'm quite nervous to plan it.

Will Mum and Dad like it?

It could all go completely wrong.

And will they finally say, "I do"?

We're going to rock this wedding!

This is Marrying Mum And Dad.

On today's show, we're travelling through time.

Enjoy your uneventful journey.

Quick! All the way back to the 1600s.

Stand and deliver! Your money or your wife.

But will this wedding go down in history...

Or could it turn into a day to forget?

They're going up a hill.

Looks like Charles I has already lost his head.

Welcome to Marrying Mum And Dad, the only show on television where you

get to organise your parents' wedding.

Amazing, right?

Forget all the usual, traditional weddings, because this is going

to be a day like no other.

Let the chaos commence!

Today, we're in West London...

..with two wedding planners ready to devote their time to planning

a day that will make history.

Meet eight-year-old Oscar...

I think that we could organise a really good wedding.

It would be a really funny thing to do to them.

And his cousin, Amelia, who's 12.

I haven't ever organised anything as big as a wedding.

I'm quite nervous to see what their reaction will be,

but I'm quite excited.

Oscar's younger sister, Isabella, is also part of the crew.

But, being only six, she's just along for the ride.

So, who's the, er, ahem, "lucky" couple letting these guys

plan their big day?

Meet Mum, Lisa...

I think Oscar will have a few tricks up his sleeve,

because he likes to shock.

I think there'll be quite a few surprises along the way,

so a little nervous about the whole thing.

And Mum, Sylvia.

I think Amelia's got a pretty good sense of humour as well,

so we're expecting to laugh a lot but also to be quite humiliated.

So, now we've met the family, what exactly have these two got in store?

-BOTH:

-We're mad about history.

Especially the gruesome bits - stuff like the Great Fire of London,

the Plague and the English Civil War.

That's why we're turning the clock back 400 years for this wedding.

-BOTH:

-Because our theme is...

The Stuarts.

The Stuarts are one of the most famous families in British history.

That's because they ruled England for over 100 years,

between 1603 and 1714.

Charles I is one of the most well known of all Stuart monarchs.

Hello! I'm King!

He led the Royalists, also known as the Cavaliers,

during the English Civil War.

Their enemies were the Parliamentarians, or Roundheads,

commanded by Sir Thomas Fairfax.

I'm not the king.

Let's hope Oscar and Amelia can pull this off,

otherwise this wedding could end up in some serious argy-bargy.

GROWLING

What a brilliant theme!

I love history - 1066 and all that.

Don't know much about the Stuarts, though.

I wonder who's going to help me out with this one?

Oh! Hello, Will, how are you?

A lot better than most people during the summer of 1665,

when the Great Plague was at its height, Ed, but thanks for asking.

Eh?

Yeah, by the time the epidemic had finished,

a quarter of London's inhabitants had perished, you know.

-Really?

-Yeah, really.

I tell you, when it comes to centuries,

the 17th is my absolute favourite.

It is a real humdinger.

Will, come with me.

I've got a little job for you.

You might know Will Best from shows like Airmageddon

and Dance, Dance, Dance.

The Airena is about to echo and reverberate

to some serious aerial combat.

But what you didn't know is that he's quite the history buff.

Making him the perfect helper.

Oscar and Amelia have already been hard at work,

planning his mums' wedding.

But now it's time for us to help them bring the 1600s to life.

And that can only mean one thing...

Behold! The trusty Marrying Mum And Dad mobile HQ.

Officially, a parent-free zone.

Here we go, guys.

-The dream factory.

-Oh, my gosh!

Step inside.

Today, we're turning the plan van into a time machine,

as Oscar and Amelia plot the mums' trip back through the ages.

Why have you chosen The Stuarts as a theme for this wedding?

Because I've been watching Horrible Histories since I was four,

which was quite a long time ago.

-Whoa, that's going to do weird things to your brain!

-Yeah, it is!

And my mum has done a degree in history in university.

-Oh, right! So is this a period in history she quite likes?

-Yeah.

Why in particular do you think this is a good theme for the wedding?

Because there was loads of stuff going on and at the start,

-there's the Gunpowder Plot.

-Oh, of course, yeah.

And then there's the Civil War, there's the Plague,

there's the Great Fire of London.

-Lots of death and destruction.

-Yeah.

-What every woman wants on her wedding day.

-Yeah.

So, now we know why they want this theme, it's time to get cracking.

Starting with some natty 17th-century attire.

How are you going to dress Mum and Sylvia?

One's going to be like a Roundhead,

-and one's going to be like a Cavalier.

-Oh, so...

From the English Civil War, yeah.

-Two men?

-Yeah.

-Well, I hope they get on...

-Yeah.

..because Roundheads and Cavaliers...

-Don't get on.

-No.

-Not at all.

We don't want a war.

As the most important people at the wedding,

our mums are going to be getting married as 17th-century VIPs...

Charles I and Sir Thomas Fairfax.

Sir Thomas Fairfax was quite important, because he was in charge

of the Army, and Charles I was the main person who started the war.

So, two powerful people together.

I think it will be really good.

But what about the other guests?

Oscar and Amelia have decided they're going to be

Roundheads and Cavaliers, too.

So, Will has laid on a little fashion parade,

to give our planners some much-needed inspiration...

..English Civil War-stylee.

Oscar, Amelia, meet my good friends from the mid-1600s.

Good day to you.

So, these are the sorts of clothes that you're thinking might be worn

-at the wedding?

-Maybe.

Have a feel.

-It feels rough.

-Yeah, it's rough, that.

They are probably the most comfortable clothes I own,

but if we do a lot of movement, we get very hot very quickly.

Soldiers like these would have fought against the King.

I fight on Parliament's side.

Ah, Roundheads.

No, not Roundheads, sir.

-Oh, sorry.

-They are Parliamentarians.

Yeah, Will.

But why were they called Roundheads?

A lot of the initial Parliament soldiers had shaven heads,

so it was actually a mockery against Parliament.

Hairstyles aside,

soldiers on both sides in the Civil War looked identical,

leading to confusion on the battlefield.

So, how did they see each other in different ways,

like the Royalists and Parliamentarians?

This is what's called an orange tawny sash, worn by Parliament.

The Royalists would be wearing red ones.

Do you think that these sorts of outfits are going to go down well?

-AMELIA:

-Probably not.

-No?

You don't reckon?

Well, if they're, like, hot and sweaty, then I doubt it.

Forget the guests. What about Lisa and Sylvia?

If our planners get their way,

they're not only going to be dressed as men...

..but as arch enemies, too.

Not exactly a recipe for wedded bliss!

If I could choose something to wear on my wedding day,

it would be something elegant, something comfortable,

but probably not a period costume.

I would hate the idea of being all trussed up and overdressed.

That would be a bit of a nightmare.

Uh-oh! Bad luck, ladies,

because Oscar and Amelia are all kitted up and ready to rumble.

That's a halberd and sergeants could be distinguished

by carrying one of those.

As a Sergeant,

you have organised the costumes with military precision.

-Yep.

-Nice one.

Looks like that's the outfits taken care of.

Next on the agenda, Oscar and Amelia need to find a suitably historic

venue for their Stuart wedding.

Time to take to ye olde World Wide Web.

PHONE RINGS

-ON PHONE:

-National Trust?

We're calling from Marrying Mum And Dad and we were wondering

if Ham House was free on the 29th?

Er, I'm afraid it isn't.

-Oh, OK. That's fine, then.

-Sorry.

Hmm, it looks like authentic 17th-century wedding venues

aren't that easy to lay your hands on.

But hang on a second.

There! There you go.

Oscar and Amelia might just have hit Stuart era pay-dirt.

PHONE RINGS

'Good morning, Hinchingbrooke House, Craig speaking.'

I'm from Marrying Mum And Dad.

Please could we book this venue for the 29th?

Yes, you can book for the 29th.

-Do you want to view it first?

-Yes, please.

-Would you like to come today?

-Yeah, we could come today.

-Yeah, that would be great.

-Super.

-Thank you.

-Yeah, thank you. that would be great.

-OK, thank you.

-OK, bye.

-Thank you, bye!

This Cambridgeshire school certainly looks the part.

And Oscar and Amelia have found out some facts that make it

even more perfect.

Apparently, Oliver Cromwell's uncle lived here.

Really? I wonder if he ever visited.

Yeah, he visited a lot.

It's suitably historic from the outside,

but what about the inside?

-Oh, this is amazing!

-You can't wait to have a look, can you?

This looks nice.

-Another big room.

-Yeah.

I think this could be the ceremony room.

It looks like it's from the right period, actually, doesn't it?

Yeah, I reckon it is.

I think your mums are going to be really happy with this, aren't they?

-They are.

-I hope the Roundhead and Cavalier don't fall out,

otherwise I might have to step in and keep the peace.

No.

-What, are you saying I'm not capable of providing the security?

-No.

Yeah, you're probably right, actually.

They're definitely right, Ed. You'd make an awful bouncer!

With venue and outfits in the bag, our history-mad duo can turn

their attention to the wedding-day transport.

Any thoughts, Mums?

I'd be happy to arrive jumping out of an aeroplane

or something crazy like that.

Really?

Right, guys, you heard her. Do your worst!

What's the transport going to be?

Well, something that they used in the Stuart era.

Very traditional.

Mm. Like a wooden motorbike or a wooden car?

-A wooden bus?

-No.

A giant, wooden bird? They could fly in...

Ed, your ideas are rubbish. Let's leave it to the pros.

What were you thinking?

A horse and carriage.

Oh, is that it?

A bit too traditional for my liking, but...

-There's a twist.

-What do you mean?

There's a highway robbery.

Now you're talking!

-Steal the rings.

-Oh!

THEATRICAL PIANO

Highway robbery was a common crime back in Stuart times.

Many country roads were dangerous for travellers...

..with bandits lying in wait in lonely areas of heathland or forest.

The most notorious highwaymen became celebs...

..and their executions would draw massive crowds.

A bit like the 17th-century version of a Bieber gig, really.

Back at the venue, Oscar and Amelia are putting the finishing touches

to their plan for a wedding-day heist.

The carriage will come out of here.

Uh-huh, through the archway.

The robber will be in the trees or behind the bushes.

-Good place for a robbery.

-They'll jump out in front of the carriage,

-which will probably stop here.

-Uh-huh.

They'll say, "Give me all your rings."

So, we've got the horse, we've got the carriage,

and we've got ourselves a robbery. Transport sorted!

That's one super-sneaky highway robbery,

all plotted out and lying in wait.

Next, an authentic Stuart-era wedding calls for some authentic

Stuart-era entertainment.

I wouldn't like the entertainment at the wedding to be us singing

to the audience, cos that would be tragic.

You said it, Mum.

Was karaoke a thing back in the 1600s?

What about shin kicking?

What on Earth's that?

Well, people put on metal boots and kick each other's shins.

That's something they used to do in Stuart times,

-kick each other's shins?

-Yeah.

I don't know which is worse, sore ears or bruised shins.

I would want to do something expressive, like expressing our love

for each other through experimental dance, for instance.

What about a pinching match?

People pinching each other?

Yeah, they pinched each other until somebody squealed

and then the person who pinched them would be the winner.

Doesn't say to me, "the most romantic day of your life".

He's quite quirky, Oscar, a bit off the wall,

so we're a bit nervous about what to expect.

But remember, Oscar's not the only one planning this wedding.

Cue Amelia.

What about geese herding?

What's that?

Well, when farmers wanted to sell their geese, dogs would, like,

keep them in order and, like, take them off to market.

This is getting really weird.

I think...I'm handing this over to Will. Will!

Will?!

Will?

Ah, there he is.

Come on, Mr I-Love-The-17th-Century, what have you got?

He's got nothing less than a state-of-the-art, Stuart-era

entertainment system, complete with...

feathers?

And a beak.

HONK

-Amelia, Oscar, this is David.

-Hello.

Now, David is "the man" when it comes to the ancient,

noble art of geese herding.

I'll start,

because, you might not know this about me,

-but I'm kind of at one with geese.

-Great.

I understand them, they understand me,

so I can kind of show you guys how it's done.

-DAVID:

-Sounds good to me.

-Yeah, OK.

-Brilliant.

You might learn a thing or two as well, David.

When it comes to geese herding, Will certainly talks the talk.

But can he squawk the squawk?

By using one of David's sheepdogs to guide the geese

safely into their pen...

Release the geese!

Come to me. Come to me.

That way.

What is he doing?

Guys, guys, guys, let's talk about this.

Stop it, you're embarrassing me.

He's terrible with geese.

To be honest, David, I think the geese are broken.

These geese have certainly got Will in a flap.

Let's see if Oscar and Amelia can do any better.

With a little help from expert herder David, of course.

Away.

Oh, look at them go!

I found the geese herding really quite fun.

HE SHOUTS

Each dog has their own left and rights that you have to remember,

so it was really quite difficult.

Lassie, Lassie...

That's it.

Almost there.

They've really got the hang of this. Wow!

-DAVID:

-That's it. Now you can push the gate to, please.

Brilliant!

There we are. And they're all penned in.

Success! A whole flock taken safely to market.

But what have our two planners made of it?

Guys, I've got to say, I am very impressed.

Do you reckon your mums are going to be able to do it, though?

-No.

-Really?

-Yeah, I don't think they are.

-It might be tricky.

But will they enjoy trying? That's the important thing.

-I think they'll laugh.

-Yeah, I think they will.

-They'll enjoy it.

Otherwise the whole day's just going to be one big wild goose chase.

Yeah!

Stop with the puns.

Yeah, Will, stop winging it.

At least watching Lisa and Sylvia attempt to herd these geese

should make for some egg-citing entertainment.

Oscar and Amelia are making great progress.

But there is still one burning item on their agenda,

and that's the cake.

Looks like you've had a few ideas about the cake.

It's going to be, like, a Great Fire of London cake.

A Great Fire of London cake?

-There's going to be some houses stuck on it.

-Mm-hm.

We're going to try and set those houses on fire.

-What, actually set them on fire?

-No.

-Yeah.

So, we've got to make this cake in such a way that it doesn't

-burn the venue down.

-Yeah, sparklers.

It's going to be a flambe with a difference.

The guys' finished drawings will go off to a cake maker.

Wouldn't the fire brigade be a better bet?

SIREN

So, that's it.

The wedding day arrangements are complete.

From treacherous transport...

Your money or your life.

..to egg-cellent entertainment.

GEESE HONK

Guys, guys, let's talk about this.

This Stuart-themed wedding is set to

be Oscar and Amelia's crowning glory.

The wedding day's going to end up being really good and they're really

going to enjoy it, especially the geese herding.

I think it's going to be epic.

But, as the day draws closer,

our mums are getting more and more nervous about what lies in store.

It could be anything. We just don't know what to expect.

Yeah, I think the day's going to be quite an interesting one.

The wait is finally over.

We've rewound the clock 400 years and arrived smack bang at the start

of Mum and Mum's big day.

A few 17th-century flourishes are being added

to Oscar and Amelia's chosen venue.

What can you feel on yours?

I feel emotional.

While, at a secret location nearby,

mum Lisa and mum Sylvia are getting ready for a spot of time travel.

No Tardis required.

You often wear these types of things, do you?

One Royalist...

That's Charles I. Yee!

And one Parliamentarian...

Sir Thomas Fairfax. Ooh!

I'm not sure at all what he's got up his sleeve...

..as my beard pops off.

SHE GIGGLES

Back at the venue, a very special wedding guest is making some

last-minute preparations of his own.

Love is like a red, red rose.

It's prickly and gets up your nose.

No, that's not right.

Agh! I, William Shakespeare, intend to pen my finest sonnet

in honour of this special day.

And who, sir, are you?

I'm Samuel Pepys, celebrated diarist,

here to record, for posterity, the events of this most special of days.

You, sir, are not needed.

On the contrary, it is you who are not needed.

Well, we must settle this through the medium of verse.

Medium of verse?

Rap battle. Kick it.

HIP-HOP BEAT

# Yeah, my rhythm of choice is iambic pentameter

# It's perfect for rapping Yo, I am no amateur

# You and your diaries are both old hat

# 400 years on and my flows are still fat. #

You're up!

Saturday the 29th.

Met William Shakespeare.

Show off.

Oh, dear. That's not a good start!

It's almost time for mums Lisa and Sylvia to find out

what they're wearing.

Roundhead Oscar and Cavalier Amelia

already look every inch their 17th-century parts.

Shh! Here come the mums.

At least Shakespeare and Pepys seem to have kissed and made up.

Sort of!

OK. Right.

On the count of three, you can lower your hands.

Three, two, one.

Ta-da.

Oh, you look so lovely!

Do you like your clothes?

It's definitely my colour.

Do you think you've got the theme nailed, then?

I think so. I think it's Stuart, isn't it?

Very good. Very, very good.

Your mum's as good at history as you are.

-Well done.

-What do you think of Oscar and Amelia's outfits?

-Yeah, you look great.

-Amazing.

Everyone looks very dapper.

Mum and Mum successfully guessed the theme of their wedding and much

delight and merriment ensued.

Oh, P, P, P, P, P, P...

Watch and learn, my man!

Watch and learn. Kick it!

# The day's first surprise makes more sense in rhyme

# Like my homey Doctor Who

# We've travelled back through time

# In 1642, Mum and Mum had beef

# But today they're getting married

# That's a relief. #

Well, I think my account was rather better.

At the venue, all the wedding guests are awaiting their arrival.

All kitted out in full 17th-century costume.

-Let's hope they manage to avoid any highwaymen.

-Remember, the roads

weren't that safe for travellers back in the 1600s.

This is good! I thought it was going to be donkey back.

I wouldn't get too relaxed if I were you!

Enjoy your uneventful journey.

Quick!

Go, go, go!

HORSE NEIGHS

Stand and deliver! Your money or your wife.

Hand over your valuables.

All we have are these rings.

Ha-ha!

Hang on, they can't get married without those rings.

You'll have to duel the highwaymen if you want to get them back.

You're on.

En garde! En garde!

Oh, no! Oh, no!

I'm allergic to yeast.

Let's get out of here! Let's get out of here!

And you can keep your stupid rings.

Crumbs, that was scary.

I wish I'd had a bread knife.

Honour has been satisfied. We can continue our journey.

With the highwaymen vanquished,

Lisa and Sylvia have arrived at the venue.

Where they're about to be united

with their Roundhead and Cavalier guests.

CHEERS

Oh, nice moves, Sir Thomas!

Well, it's going swimmingly.

Who'd have thought that Roundheads and their Cavaliers

could get on so well? I guess that's why they call it a "civil" war.

Yeah, except don't speak too soon,

because it's now time for some authentic Stuart era entertainment -

and I've got a feeling that this one could ruffle a few feathers.

Your Stuart challenge is to heard a flock of geese from the countryside

to the city so they can be sold at market.

Now, on hand to assist you, should you, ahem, need it -

which I'm sure you won't -

is this humble yokel and his pack of faithful hounds.

Release the geese!

GEESE HONK

Surely this bunch of waddlers won't be any match

for a pair of 17th-century toffs?

In there, in there.

Or will they?

This way.

-OSCAR:

-They're doing quite bad, actually.

Come on, Thomas Fairfax!

You can lead an army, you can't lead a goose.

-OSCAR:

-They're going up a hill.

Looks like Charles I has already lost his head.

I think they're going to need some help from the expert after all.

The yokel's giving them a bit of a pep talk.

-Up to this point, he's clearly just been "yoking" around.

-Yeah.

Hang on, hang on, hang on... Look at this.

Come on! Come on!

Come! Lie!

Yes, they're starting to get to grips with it.

This is quite impressive now.

-Look, they're going through the gate.

-Yeah!

-Look!

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

When it works, it really gives you goose bumps, you know?

Stop with the puns!

This is the moment of truth.

I feel like this is the most challenging bit.

Can Lisa and Sylvia finally get this honking, hissing bundle of trouble

back into their pen?

No. Oh, oh, oh. No, I missed it.

I missed the pen.

-DAVID:

-Down!

-Derecha!

-Oh, look, look, look!

They're getting into the pen.

They've cracked it.

All their geese herded safely to market.

That's a real feather in their caps.

You know what that means? They can get married now.

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

Oh, Sammy, Sam, Samuel...

After the success we've witnessed, surely it deserves more than just

some scribbles in your tiresome diary?

Right! That's it! Drop it!

# Those geese were wild A gaggle that's criminal

# Mum and Mum tamed them in a style so traditional

# Though man's best friend has made a pile

# The time has come for them to walk down the aisle. #

Er...yeah.

Bring on the wedding!

The day so far has been all about the distant past...

..but now we're firmly back in the present,

just in time for Oscar's mums' I dos.

I give you this ring as a symbol of our love,

friendship and of the commitment we have made here today.

Through good times and bad, for the rest of our lives.

CELEBRANT: It now gives me great pleasure to congratulate you

on being partners for life.

Congratulations.

It's been an emotional occasion for Roundheads and Cavaliers alike.

I'm just relieved I didn't need to step in and keep the peace.

With Lisa and Sylvia officially wife and wife...

..it's time to serve up one final slice of the 17th century.

FANFARE

Presenting Oscar and Amelia's Great Fire of London-themed wedding cake!

Oscar, look at that!

Did you design that? Wow!

What an amazing cake.

Yeah, but it seems to have set alarm bells ringing with Samuel Pepys.

Oh, no, fire! Fire!

I must run home and bury my most expensive possession -

a Parmesan cheese - to protect it from the all-consuming flames.

Despite the Fire of London theme, this cake is a triumph

rather than a disaster.

To eat or not to eat, that is the question.

I'm going to eat it.

Thanks for that, Will. But I've got another pressing question...

Just what have the mums, Oscar and Amelia made of their day?

I think that this wedding was the best wedding I've ever been to

and it was so different. I think it's the best wedding.

-LISA:

-We're so proud of Oscar. He has an amazing imagination

and he's got a real knowledge of history.

I laughed a lot today and that's been a really good way

-to spend your wedding, I think.

-Yeah.

-We made a great wedding planning team.

-Yeah, we smashed it.

That was a Stuart-themed wedding that'll go down in history.

Oscar and Amelia's success, to me, was no mystery.

The day is nearly at an end, William. You may desist.

My words will live on long after I cease to exist.

Stop it.

Hop...it?

Cease!

Geese?

Enough!

Pepys stomped off in a huff.