Game Show Marrying Mum and Dad

Up and down the country, parents are getting married in normal, traditional ceremonies.

-Normal weddings are quite boring.

-Boring!

But fear not, Britain, because we're fighting back.

Open your eyes!

Kids have set themselves the challenge of a lifetime...

-Quiet on set!

-..to organise their parents' wedding.

Bring it on.

And to make it a day that no-one will ever forget.

Will they manage it?

I'm quite nervous to plan it.

Will Mum and Dad like it?

It could all go completely wrong.

And will they finally say - "I do"?

We're going to rock this wedding!

This is Marrying Mum And Dad.

Welcome to our show.

Today we've got a TV spectacular.

The wedding guests get a workout.

But will our contestant couple feel like they've won the jackpot...

Open your eyes!

CHEERING

..or walked away with the booby prize?

Disgusting! Take a look at yourself in the mirror!

Time to find out.

Oooh!

Welcome to Marrying Mum And Dad, the show that says goodbye to normal,

boring weddings and hello to exciting, fun-packed weddings.

Whatever you say goes, and your parents have to keep their noses out.

Today, we're heading to Kent, where we have a trio of planners...

..ready to skittle the opposition and get this wedding going.

Meet 11-year-old Evie.

Uh, she's the one without the fur.

This wedding's going to be a lot of hard work.

It's going to be worth it cos we're all going to be a family at the end

-of the day.

-This is Evie's little sister, Isobel.

At the end they're going to be a messy, married couple.

And this is their big brother, 12-year-old Haydn.

This wedding is going to be our

chance to get our own back on our parents.

But who are the brave couple handing over all responsibility for

-their big day?

-We have Mum, Kerry.

I've no idea what they're going to come up with at all,

but I think they need to bear in mind that I can get my own back.

And making a clean sweep of things is stepdad-to-be, Jon.

Oh, think you missed a bit there.

I'm nervous because I don't know what's going to happen on the day.

But, Haydn, Evie, Isobel, please be kind.

So we've met the family,

but can the kids find the target with their theme?

Goal!

Our wedding is going to work out...

who are the winners and who are the losers.

It's going to test people physically...

-and mentally.

-And it's going to be very messy.

Because our theme is...

ALL: Game Show.

A game-show themed wedding, what an amazing idea!

Actually, scrub that. What an officially amazing idea.

Did someone say - "officially amazing"?

-Oh, no, I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about today's game-show themed wedding.

-Oh, right.

Although, there will be cake.

All right. And will there be fun-packed game-show games?

-Yes, yes there will.

-OK, I'm in.

Brilliant.

-Can I have a starring role?

-Oi.

Pushing it.

Haydn, Evie and Isobel have been

hard at work researching their theme.

Well, they've been watching a lot of TV game shows, to be honest.

-ON LAPTOP:

-..is the correct answer, well done.

And where better to start putting their plans into action than

our mobile HQ.

It's amazing!

This is our home for the next few days.

Let's get planning.

So why have you chosen game shows as a theme for Mum and Jon's wedding?

Well, we chose the game shows because we're really competitive.

And have you got any favourite game shows?

Sam & Mark's Big Friday Wind-Up.

Oh, OK. Are Mum and Jon big fans of game shows?

-No.

-To them, it's pretty Pointless.

CYMBAL CRASH

Very good!

So how do you imagine a game-show themed wedding day looking?

We're going to create our own game show and it's going to be

Team Mum versus Team Jon.

Oh, right, so the whole day is like one big game show?

-Yes.

-Mm-hm.

-Right. Well, this is the biggest challenge ever,

and we better get stuck in right now cos we haven't got long to plan

-this wedding.

-No.

-No.

-Should we start? Yes!

-Yeah!

Our wedding planners get straight to work searching for a suitable

location for their game-show inspired wedding.

-That looks good.

-340-seat theatre, that's going to be good for us.

And whilst Isobel tries to come up with a game-show theme tune...

STRUMS GUITAR TUNELESSLY

Uh, that one still needs a little bit of work, Isobel.

..we've come to check out this theatre to see if it could top the

leaderboard as a potential venue.

Whoa.

We need a big space for our studio set,

as well as all the wedding guests,

and this place ticks all the boxes.

-So what do you think, guys?

-Epic.

-Yeah, it's great.

-Well...

We've got a stage!

We got seats.

-And we've got a woman.

-What?

Hiya.

-Who are you?

-I work here and I'm going to help you make the place

-look little bit more game-showy.

-All right, you're hired.

Haydn and Evie are about to get the lowdown on lighting from

-tech wizard Karis.

-This is the lighting desk, and what

we can do with this is control all of the lights that we have.

It's a game show, so we're trying to build suspense.

Yes, absolutely.

See these lights we've got here, they're coming from the sides,

we can make them bigger,

and we can make them smaller.

-Ah!

-That looks really cool.

We've got some spotlights that we can use.

If we take the house lights out as well...

That makes it look so much better.

..and then we can put up a spotlight there.

Oh, that's cool.

I think the lighting will make a big difference to what we're doing

because it's going to create suspense.

-Just...

-Make it more dramatic.

-Yeah.

-NAOMI:

-It's time for one final question.

Evie, Haydn, is this the venue for your game-show themed wedding?

I'm going to have to hurry you.

-Yeah.

-Yes.

-Is the right answer!

-Yes!

-That's venue sorted.

-Bam.

-Bam.

Our intrepid trio are a formidable force of wedding planners.

When we put our heart into things, we work as a really good team.

Time to talk wedding day fashion.

Let's talk outfits. What are Mum and Jon going to be wearing?

Well, Mum's going to be wearing a purple unicorn outfit.

Oh, of course she is. Any particular reason you're dressing her as a

-purple unicorn?

-Because that's our team name.

Oh, right, oh, well, that makes sense.

And what about Jon, what's he going to be dressed as?

He's going to be dressed as a giant orange.

Why are you dressing him as a giant orange?

-It's his favourite colour.

-Oh, OK.

So how would Mum and Jon feel about being dressed as a unicorn and

-an orange?

-I genuinely would like to think that they'd pick out something

that would be flattering and that wouldn't make us look too foolish.

Sorry, Mum and Jon, the kids have other ideas.

What about you guys, what are you going to look like?

I'm going to be a purple unicorn and Mummy's sidekick.

Oh, OK, so you're Team Unicorn?

-Yeah.

-Are you going to be on a team?

Team Orange, or Jon.

OK, and if there's only two teams, what are you doing?

Whose team are you going to be on?

I'm going to be the quiz master from Pointless.

You want to dress as Richard Osman for your mum and stepdad's wedding?

-Why, exactly?

-I just like him, like what he does.

Oh, OK. What about the guests?

One half of the guests will be wearing purple and a big print of a

funny photo of Mummy's face.

-All right.

-And the other half is going to be in orange with Jon's

-funny photo.

-Oh, so they're going to have, like, team T-shirts?

-Yeah.

So, with the outfits planned,

Evie gets down to designing Mum and Jon's get-up.

And Isobel and Haydn sneakily get two pictures for the team T-shirts.

Can I take a picture of you as if you're about to sneeze?

-OK. Tell me when.

-Ready?

-CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS

-Perfect. I'll catch you later.

All right, mate, see you later.

-Costume sorted.

-ALL: Bam!

Now, you can't have a game show without some games.

So it's time to tear up the rule

book for a Marrying Mum And Dad first.

-GLASS SMASHES

-Round One.

What do you want to do for Round One?

We want a game that all the guests can be involved in for Round One.

Like...everyone's favourite game, pass the parcel!

-ALL:

-No!

'Pass the parcel, pooh-poohed.'

'Time for Plan B.'

We're heading to the perfect place to meet some experts in games -

a primary school.

Right, girls, playing games is a serious business.

I don't want anybody having anything that could be perceived as fun.

-KIDS:

-Boo!

-No, no fun. No fun!

-Right, what game are we going to play?

-Pass the balloon.

Very good. Pick out your balloons and pass them methodically,

scientifically and sensibly.

Pass the balloon!

The aim of this game is to pass the balloon along the line

using just your elbows.

And then the last person in the line runs to the front

and it starts again.

KIDS CHANT

Fascinating research.

I think all the guests will enjoy this because it's just an amazing

game to play.

The game is won when the team member who kicked things off returns to the

front of the line.

Finished!

KIDS SCREAM LOUDLY

I think I need to scientifically engineer a new eardrum.

Time for some scientific analysis.

What are our conclusions?

-It was really fun.

-It was fun.

-It was loud!

It was certainly loud, my ears are still ringing.

Yes, I think some of you were having a little bit too much fun.

Boo!

-Any downsides?

-Not really.

-So do you think we found our game?

-Yes.

-Yes.

-Get in!

-Steady on, Ed.

-It's a scientific experiment, remember?

Yeah, I wasn't having any fun. I was just, you know...

Round One concluded.

Round One is pop, boom, bang!

This game-show wedding is taking shape.

But as the big day approaches,

a few nerves are creeping in for Mum and Jon.

What they may have planned worries me.

Don't worry, Mum, you're in safe hands!

Honest!

We know what we're doing for Round One, what about Round Two?

We're going to ask our parents some questions.

Oh, what, like, how many moons are there? What's the tallest mountain?

-No, no.

-What colour is the sky?

Why, just why are we here?

-Personal questions.

-Oh, personal questions.

Yeah. Oh, like, what's your bank account number?

What's your e-mail password?

No! No, no, no.

More like embarrassing funny stuff, like, about them.

So what are you going to do?

We're going to e-mail the guests and ask them

if they know any embarrassing things about our parents.

-All right.

-And they've got to try and guess who said it.

Oh, so you want to get the guests to dish the dirt on Mum and Jon?

-Yeah.

-A cunning plan, I like it.

Isobel and Haydn get cracking,

asking the guests for some juicy goss.

You might end up learning quite a lot about them that you didn't know.

I'm really looking forward to seeing the replies.

-Weird habits?

-Weird or annoying?

We're definitely going to get some good answers.

Right, send. The guests have been e-mailed.

No going back now.

But Isobel and Haydn aren't quite finished with me.

You're going to watch and wait for the e-mails and we're going to go

-and get some lunch.

-We're going to have some lunch.

-We'll see you later.

-Bye!

-Oh, OK.

Well, if you're getting some lunch, I wouldn't mind... Oh, they've gone.

That's Round Two almost sorted.

Richard Osman!

So what have you got planned for our third and final round?

Well, we want it to involve cake.

I'm liking the sound of this already.

How do we incorporate the cake into a game?

Well, we've got a special cake device for that.

Ed, shut your eyes.

Where's this device, then?

It's here. I'm going to move your face.

-Yeah.

-Just keep your chin there.

'Time to crank up the pressure.'

Where's the cake?

Oh!

'Well, you asked for it, Ed.'

Can't believe I fell for that.

-Oh, yeah, thanks, Haydn, thanks a lot.

-You're welcome.

-No!

I get the concept, I get the concept!

I understand, yes, you pie them in the face.

All right. What, with their own wedding cake?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-That is so naughty.

-I love it!

-'So, with a pie slapping concept in the bag,

'next we need to invent a game-show-tastic game.'

And for this, the guys have a genius idea.

-Darts?

-Numbers one to 20 is how many times they have to crank it.

That's a great idea!

-High-five!

-No!

Look at your hand.

Forget the high-fives, it's time for a test drive...

of this dart pie splat-tacular.

That's good Haydn, yeah, keep on missing.

-Oh!

-17.

17 cranks?

Why am I the guinea pig again? You sure you don't want a go?

-There's no-one else.

-There is, there's...

Well, there are other people.

-Oh!

-It was hilarious to see Ed with shaving foam all around his face,

so I think it'll be even better to see Mum and Jon with a giant cake

splattered all over themselves.

Are you happy with Round Three?

-Yeah!

-Yep!

-Well, I'm glad someone is.

So that's it!

Haydn, Evie, and Isobel have created a winning wedding.

Mission accomplished.

The venue fits the bill.

We've got a stage!

And the games have been scientifically tested.

Fascinating research.

But as their big day approaches, how are Mum and Jon feeling?

The only thing I'm concerned about

is the venue, the cake, the guests...

Stop right there, Jon, it's too late for all that,

as your wedding day is just hours away.

-..the outfit, transport...

-Stop!

Finally, it's showtime!

The wedding day is here!

And zoom in.

But before we can get this game show started,

our wannabe producers are having a quick run through at the studio.

Welcome to our game show.

That looks really good.

So, what's the verdict?

I think it's really good, I love it.

I can see myself hosting up there.

Let's go get changed, then.

The quiz-setters have got everything in place.

But how are the team captains, aka Mum and Jon, feeling?

I've no idea what's going on and it's, um,

it's quite infuriating cos everyone's been really tight-lipped.

I'm feeling very nervous today.

I don't trust my children!

HE CHUCKLES

I've got no idea of what I'm looking like now.

I can tell you, Jon, you look like a prize plum.

I mean, a right nana. Um, a very orange, orange.

Oh.

Backstage, make-up artist Gervais

is getting Ed and Ben ready for the cameras.

But it seems their game-show egos are getting the better of them.

-What are you dressed as?

-What do you mean, what am I dressed as?

I'm obviously here as the best game-show host in history.

Look at this jacket, it pops under the studio lights.

I think you'll find I'm the ultimate game-show host, game-show man.

There can only be one game-show host.

Get on with it, you pair of prima donnas.

The two teams file in and take their seats in the studio.

And it's time to let Mum and Jon see what they're wearing

on their wedding day.

But will they have that winning feeling or just feel like losers?

Time to find out.

Oh, the anticipation must be overwhelming, guys, how are you feeling?

-Nervous.

-Beyond nervous.

Right. Mum, Jon, are you ready to see what it is you're wearing today?

-I think so, yeah.

-OK.

Three, two, one, open your eyes!

CHEERING

Look at you! You look awesome!

Oh, look at you!

Oh, you.

Mum and Jon, it's now time for a very important question.

What is the theme of your wedding?

-Well, I thought fruit cocktail...

-BUZZER

Haydn, put them out of their misery.

-Our Pointless answer today was game show.

-Oh!

Right, everybody, it is time for us to take our positions and start the

first-ever Marrying Mum And Dad - The Game Show, also known as...

-ALL:

-..Wedding Showdown!

Time to get into character.

That's better. Let's start the game show.

-ANNOUNCER:

-This is Wedding Showdown.

Please give it up for your hosts, Game Show Man and Ben Shires.

Not forgetting the man with all the answers, quizmaster extraordinaire,

Haydn.

Now apparently, we've got loads of

fun-packed games for you to play today.

Ooh, I can hardly contain myself.

-Shall we play?

-The Marrying Mum And Dad Game Show.

Wedding Showdown!

So, Round One is called Pop Along The Line.

Catchy title.

Each team has a bucket of balloons.

All they have to do, simply,

is zigzag those balloons down the line and to the bottom.

Sounds simple, doesn't it?

Well, no, it's not, cos you can only do it with your elbows. Ha!

And keep your dirty little digits away from it!

The winning team is that which gets the most balloons in their tubes

before they hear this sound.

HORN BLARES

Three, two, one.

Go!

MUSIC: SKI SUNDAY THEME

So it's a balloon-tastic opening round.

The purple team are flying here,

but the orange team are working well too.

But is that the first balloon already?

There it goes, Isobel, it's a handover!

We've got our first one from the orange side, Evie handing it over.

Unicorn, unicorn, unicorn, unicorn!

Oh, it's neck and neck!

Oh, it's so close. Oh, Orange have taken the lead.

Quite a good little production flow going on over here.

I'm going to walk up these stairs and see...

-HORN BLARES Ow!

-There's the klaxon!

So that's the first round complete.

But what are the scores?

Team Orange got six balloons.

Orange are happy with that.

Team Unicorn also got six balloons!

So that means the score is

1-1.

So it's all square after Round One but things are about to get messy.

Round Two could involve a shower of slime!

Oooh!

We've asked all the guests here to send us funny,

embarrassing and gross stories about both of you.

Team Unicorn, you're up first.

Mum, who said this about you?

That you absolutely love nothing more than squeezing other people's

big, juicy spots?

Ugh, Mum, you're disgusting!

Not everybody's!

Oh everybody's, everybody's spots!

So which of our audience members have put Mum into a spot of bother?

Is it this young chap, who's desperate for me not to talk to him,

but I'm going to do it do anyway!

Beep, beep.

-Who could it be?

-We need to rush you for an answer, I'm afraid.

-Nanny.

-Nanny.

-My mum.

-OK, well, Mum, it was...

..Sally!

How do you know that Kerry likes to squeeze other

people's big, juicy pimples?

Cos I've seen her do it!

It sounds like pure filth to me.

So, Team Orange, it's your turn, Jon.

You an animal lover, Jon?

-I do, yeah.

-Really?

-Yeah.

Cos it says here that there was a time when you were terrified by the

sight of a tortoise!

LAUGHTER

Oh, they're very fast, aren't they?

Oh, scary.

Ben, who might have given us that little tortoise titbit?

Was it you, madam?

Don't fear the finger, madam.

Don't fear it.

Jon, who do you think?

-NAOMI:

-With Team Unicorn not guessing correctly,

if Team Orange get this right,

Mum's facing the shower of slime!

I'm going to go with my dad.

-It was your dad.

-Yes!

What's all this about tortoises?

I mean, did he ever come out of his shell?

When he was young, he was terrified of animals.

At playgroup, the lady took the tortoise out of its pen,

and as soon as it moved, Jon was down at the end of the garden.

Quicker than Usain Bolt could go.

LAUGHTER

So the winners of that round, with one point, is Jon's team.

CHEERING

And you know what that means?

-ALL:

-Slime time!

Mum, looks like it's time for a shower.

Hang on a second, Mr Game Show.

I can't let Kerry take the seat and get slimed.

I'm going to sit there.

SHE SCREAMS

So, with this gallant intervention,

Mum escapes the slime shower on her big day.

-Take a seat.

-APPLAUSE

But in this game show, someone must be slime-ified.

-Good luck, Jon.

-ALL:

-Three, two, one.

There we go, yes. Like icing a cake.

-Another bucket?

-Yeah!

Just what everybody wants on their wedding day -

to be covered in smelly, gloopy goo.

Well, you did volunteer for it.

-Jon?

-Yeah.

-Are you ready to get married?

-I am, yeah.

Finally, the time has come.

In this round, there are only winners.

After being together for three years,

Kerry and Jon are about to tie the knot.

And it's all because of Haydn, Isobel and Evie.

Kerry, I give you this ring as a symbol of our marriage

and as a token of my love.

Jon, I give you this ring as a symbol our marriage

and as a token of my trust and commitment.

Jon and Kerry,

it now gives me very great pleasure to congratulate you on being husband

and wife. Let's give them a round of applause.

Now they've got hitched,

it's time for the kids' very unique take on a wedding cake.

So it's back to the game show for Round Three.

That's the soppy stuff out of the way.

Welcome back, and have we got an exciting final round in store for

all of you, it's Cake Turn Of Terror.

Ooh!

Time to find out who will be wearing their cake, rather than eating it.

Look at this lovely cake.

All you've got to do is get pied in the face.

Your opposing team member will be throwing a ball at that dartboard

over there. And depending on what number they hit,

I will crank the lever that many times.

Simple. What could possibly go wrong?

All right, let's get on with it.

Let's see if Isobel can get a really high score.

-Oh!

-It's a three.

Look at that, it's the outer bull,

a three for Isobel, and she likes that.

-Three cranks, please.

-One...

..two, three.

Well, that caught me by surprise!

That splat signals the end of our very messy game show.

What are the final scores, Dickie Osman?

Jon's team got two points.

Mum's team also got two points.

It's a tie!

-ALL:

-Yay!

-That means we can all have cake!

As the guests tuck into some well-earned cake,

it's time to find out if this game-show wedding has been a

-winning format for our newlyweds.

-I had no idea what to expect,

and it was all on the children, and they did a proper, brilliant job.

You'll never, ever forget this type of wedding day, ever.

-You can't, can you?

-No!

-THEY LAUGH

I feel very proud of the kids, but I am going to get my revenge.

-Today was awesome!

-Yeah, it was amazing.

-I loved it!

ALL: This wedding was epic! Bam!

Shh! I'm waiting for a call from the producer, to find out whether the

game show gets another series. PHONE RINGS

Oh, here we go.

Hello? What do mean there's a question about the next series?

CALLER CHATTERS

100 people were surveyed and they were asked if the game show

came back, who would be the best presenter?

A, me.

B, you. C, Haydn?

That's obvious, A, me.

No, it's obvious, B, me.

-ANNOUNCER:

-The correct answer is C, Haydn.

-Yes!

-It's a fix!

Never liked the show anyway!