Christmas Special Millie Inbetween


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Christmas Special

Comedy drama series. It's Christmas, a time for the family to be together. But Craig is sick of being constantly criticised and decides to move back to his mum's for a while.


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Transcript


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I know. Creepy, right?

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Only the twisted mind of my sister would find that Christmassy.

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I'm so psyched! Dad's sent us all chocolate reindeer.

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He even sent Craig one,

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which is going a bit far.

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Craig's put his up there.

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He thinks I can't get it.

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Unfortunately, he's right.

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Hands off my reindeer!

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Right, telly.

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I've circled the Crimbo shows that I'm going to watch.

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"Die Hard 6: Die Even More Hardest,

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"Terminator 7: Punching Day."

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They're all so fighty.

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Oh, The Little Snowman! Oh, do you like that? I love that one!

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It's a mistake!

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I meant...

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that one.

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"The Hungry Dead 4: Brain Buffet."

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How festive(!)

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What if we want something else?

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Then, tough.

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See?

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Circled.

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By the way, Holly was asking about you.

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Who?

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Holly.

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Yeah, not bothered.

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PHONE RINGS

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It's her!

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I switched our numbers round!

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Told you, twisted mind.

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Clever though.

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MUSIC PLAYS

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Holly?

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What's that? Speak up, yeah?

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I'm on stage at the moment doing my DJ set.

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What's that?

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Turn around?

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Yeah, yeah, sure, babe.

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Oh, Craigy!

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Right, you're dead!

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NO!

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-You can't have the phone!

-Just give me the...!

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Why does Christmas shopping hurt so much more than regular shopping?

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-Stop, stop, stop!

-Your phone is toast!

-No!

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Craig, Craig, what are you doing?

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Getting some hot, buttered revenge.

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Just give it back.

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Nice one, son.

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Come on! Let's all get in the Christmas spirit, please!

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Of peace and goodwill

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and chocolate greed!

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-Who wants to finish decorating the house?

-Good idea.

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What about...some HOLLY?

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Mm, bet you like HOLLY, don't you, Craig?

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Hey, cheer up, son, it's the holidays.

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-And we all know you love the HOLLY Days!

-Nice one!

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Oh, I just nailed my shopping.

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-How are you two getting on with yours?

-Got you a wicked present.

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You'll never guess!

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And Dad.

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-And?

-And her.

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And?

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Wait, we're not meant to be getting them stuff, are we?

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Bet Craig hasn't got us anything.

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Yeah. Right. As if.

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Oh. It'd be nice though.

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Right... Who wants to help me with the washing up?

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Craig will, won't you, mate?

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Craig? You're kidding, right?

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See? He never helps with anything.

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Millie, help Mum.

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Is it Christmas yet?

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Cos I'm not coming out till it is.

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Good. But can't you make your tent on your own bed?

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But our bags are on my bed.

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Oh!

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Is it Christmas yet?

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Oi!

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It's not fair. Me and Jake have to share a room.

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So do a lot of kids. Duck!

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Not with two other girls! There's nowhere to put our stuff.

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-Oh, it's not that bad. Ow!

-See?

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Look, it's fine!

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I've even worked furniture obstacles into my routine. Watch this.

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Agh!

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I meant to do that

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It's our second Christmas here and we're still living out of our bags.

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Not Jake - he's living out of a tent.

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Oh...

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Look, Tony will get a bigger place some day.

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Let's ask him now.

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Ah, you have to be a bit clever about it.

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Make him think it's his idea.

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We need to give him a nudge.

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A nudge, eh?

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-What kind of a nudge?

-Well...

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Oh. It's a bad case of the Man Shop Drop.

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Please, don't make me go back out there. I've served my time.

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-I won't go, I won't!

-Have you seen my shopping?

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I see shopping every time I close my eyes.

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Oh, you're such a drama queen.

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Yeah, sorry. Hey, really looking forward to Christmas though.

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Feels like we're going to be a proper family.

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Ah. It does. Give or take the odd toasted phone.

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I left it in the utility room.

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-Your phone?

-No, my shopping. But it's not there now.

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Ah, the girls are probably rooting through it as we speak!

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I was joking.

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-Are you peeping at your presents?

-What? No!

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Hands up, where I can see them.

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Now, presents where I can see them.

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-What presents?

-Hm.

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Have you seen my bag, Craig?

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Erm, no.

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It was out there, by the recycling?

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Oh, I...

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I put out all the recycling...

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and the rubbish.

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So, it's... It's not true I never help out, is it?

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What, you put it all out?

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Yeah, but not my bag?

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-Yeah, I was just being helpful.

-Are you serious?

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Well, it's not a problem.

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The binmen haven't even been...

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BIN LORRY BEEPS OUTSIDE

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..yet.

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-FRONT DOOR SLAMS

-Aar-gg-hh!

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I'm...guessing you didn't catch them, then?

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It's too late - it's gone!

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Oh, great time to be Mr Helpful!

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Hang on, Sharon, how was he meant to know?

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Yeah! Who leaves a bag of Christmas presents right next to the bin?

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Wait. How do you know what was in it?

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Mum just said it was a bag.

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I could...see, couldn't I?

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Well, why did you put it out, then?

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It was...

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It was payback.

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-It was what?

-It's not funny!

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Yeah, it is.

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Isn't it, Dad?

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What were you thinking?

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You're obsessed with getting your own back,

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-but that was well out of order.

-Easy.

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You know, I do my best to see your good side,

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but I'm ashamed of you right now.

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Now apologise.

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Sorry.

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At least I cleaned up.

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No, you didn't.

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You messed up.

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Ouch!

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Never seen Mike like that before.

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Hi, mate. Erm...

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Sorry for losing my temper back then.

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My bad.

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I don't mind. You can lose it all you like.

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Just...

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Just not in front of them.

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Them?

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There's no "them". We're all one big family now.

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Are we?

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You know, they didn't even get us presents?

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Yeah, but that's just, I mean...

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Well, you're not bothered about presents anyways.

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No, but you know what they say,

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"It's the thought that counts."

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Where are you going?

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-To Mum's.

-What for?

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For Christmas.

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Yeah. Somewhere I won't get pranked and shouted at.

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It's no biggie.

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You're better off without me

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Don't say that.

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It's a biggie for me.

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Here.

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They're for the girls.

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# Ding dong merrily on high In heav'n the bells are ringing

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# Ding dong verrily the sky, Is ridd'n with angles singing... #

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OK, nudge time!

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We need to gain control of his mind.

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Shouldn't take too long.

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Then implant an irresistible urge for a bigger place!

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Babe, I was thinking,

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why don't we have a Christmas party?

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I dunno. Parties aren't really my thing.

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You love a good party!

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Going to them, aye, it's just giving them I'm not so keen on.

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Can we please? I could do crowd surfing!

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And I could take a selfie!

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Don't worry, we'll take care of everything.

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You just relax and enjoy.

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Ah, why not, eh? It's Christmas!

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As long as you think we've got enough friends to fill the place.

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I think we'll just manage.

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It's Christmas Eve!

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We are in our onesies and it's going to be the best Christmas ever!

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Hey!

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No, won't complain.

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So much easier without Craig in my face.

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Now I can choose what we're going to watch!

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I love Christmas Eve. We're all in, everyone's snuggly-wuggly

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-and tomorrow will be perfect.

-Yeah.

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And you can move back.

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Wait, what do you mean?

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Oh, into your old room. I packed your bag.

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But this is half my room.

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When Craig was here, yeah.

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But now that he is gone, the room fairy appears and, BING,

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I get my old room back.

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But my room's Craig's, now, with his minging trainers

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and mouldy cereal bowls.

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Did you not hear me? He's gone!

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No more annoying rap, no more worrying smells

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and no more fighting!

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Is this what no more fighting looks like?

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I might have guessed this would happen. You've had trouble sharing

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-since pre-school.

-No, I haven't!

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What about when Amy Ford lost your special blanky?

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I loved Belinda Blanky!

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So, get over it! And, no, I am not going!

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-Yes, you are! Stop that!

-How about you move out, then?

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Out of my own room?! Have you literally lost your mind?!

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There is no way that I am moving out of my own room on Christmas Eve!

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Yeah.

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Best Christmas ever(!)

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You've been on that same sprout the last ten minutes.

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Think it's peeled?

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Oh, why don't you just call him?

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-Who?

-Craig!

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Nah, no, that's not cool.

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He's made his decision - I need to respect that.

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It's no biggie.

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PHONE RINGS

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Is it him? What did he say?

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"All gd C."

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Well, that's "gd".

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I am going to need you to cheer up just a little bit.

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Yeah, you're right. Smile on through.

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Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

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This is stupid.

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I don't want to sleep in Craig's cave.

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Oh, no! Please, no!

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Oh! It's no good, it's too big.

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I'll have to cut the top off.

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Or we could drill a hole in the ceiling!

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Ah! It's too late, they're here!

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Right!

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Who is ready to party?

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HE LAUGHS

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All cosy in your nice new roomy-room?

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I had to disinfect my foot!

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Mmm. Craig's choccy reindeer.

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-He put it out of my reach.

-Well, what are big sister's for?

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Good question.

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What are you actually doing?

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Eating it. Want some?

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When he comes back, you are so dead.

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What do you not get about him?

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He's not coming back, he hates it here.

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It's still wrong. Just put it back.

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Who are you, the voice of my conscience?

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How do you know what that sounds like?

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Well, I am saving yours for Craig.

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What part of "he's gone" don't you understand? Give it back!

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Now, look what you made me do!

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Serves you right, greedy guts.

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Fine. I'm taking yours then.

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Lauren!

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-Stop it!

-Give me mine back, then!

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Lauren!

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Mum, Lauren stole my reindeer!

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Only cos she stole mine!

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Girls!

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What is your problem?

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Your face.

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Girls, that is not very Christmassy of you!

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What's gotten into you two?

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Right, reindeers, now.

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Oh, right, there you are. Erm, who's up for a game of charades?

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Oh, me! Yay!

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Come on, let's get this party started.

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MUSIC: Celebration by Kool And The Gang

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He wants to do the selfie.

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-ALL:

-Selfie! Selfie! Selfie! Selfie!

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Good one, Jake, yeah!

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Oh, I hope Tony's OK.

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He's loving it!

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He must think the flat's small by now.

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Someone should start the dancing. Come on!

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Mum, wait. Stop. Seriously, stop!

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Oh, embarrassing parent alert!

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Charades - brings families together!

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Bagsie not being on her team.

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Good, cos I don't want you.

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Right, well, I'll play with Lauren. Here, you go first.

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You're happy.

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Delirious?

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-Joy?

-Yeah!

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Joy...

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-Joy To The World?

-Yes!

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-Two minutes - that's woeful.

-Yeah, like you could do better.

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-Yeah.

-Come on.

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What the...?

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-ALL:

-Five words.

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Craig! Craig! Mate! Ah, good to see you pal!

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I knew it'd be too quiet at your mum's!

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-Come on in, we're playing games!

-Nah.

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You're all right. I...

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I just came to get a few things, actually.

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What for?

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I might stay on at Mum's.

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-Well, seeing as how Millie's taken over my room and all.

-But...

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Well, for how long?

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I don't know.

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See how things go, yeah?

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Happy Christmas, son.

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-See ya.

-Night.

-Cheers.

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Phew. Oh...

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What a party, eh?

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We were packed in like clowns in a Mini.

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SHE LAUGHS

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And, you know, it's got me thinking about something.

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Oh, yeah? What's that?

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Well, I was wondering if, maybe, we have...

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too many friends.

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Mum, do you think we fight more when Craig's not here?

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Well, I think getting at him

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does help you two stop teasing each other.

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-Do you think he'll come back?

-Yeah! Of course he'll come back.

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He probably just needed a little break from us, that's all.

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You know, I can't wait for Christmas.

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I'm probably never going to get to sleep.

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You say that every year.

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Night.

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Night, Mum.

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SCRAPING

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HEAVY FOOTSTEPS

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A BANG

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CREAKING

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What was that?

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THUMPING AND BANGING

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Oh! Oh!

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Are you OK?

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Oh, yeah, sorry, just...

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Just fell off the roof...again.

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Satellite dishes - bane of my life.

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Who are you?

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Well, I think we can rule out the Easter Bunny.

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May I?

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Oh! Oh, I like what you've done with the place.

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Yeah, very nice.

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I only get to see it once a year, of course.

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Ow!

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Sorry! So, you're really...

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real?

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I think so. What about you?

0:17:540:17:56

Right, three presents, isn't it?

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Two girls, one boy.

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Actually, he's gone to his mum's.

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Oh, yes. That's right. Last minute job.

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You lot keep me on my toes, don't you?

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Got any presents you want me to take over to him for you?

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Oh, we didn't...

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I mean, he didn't get us anything, so...

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Oh, didn't he?

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What are those then?

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"To Millie...

0:18:250:18:27

"from The Craigster."

0:18:270:18:28

I'll let you into a secret, Millie.

0:18:310:18:33

Presents aren't what matter.

0:18:330:18:35

But you're, like, Mr Presents.

0:18:360:18:39

Look, I'll spare you half a minute.

0:18:390:18:42

-Where's my mince pie?

-Mum doesn't put them out any...

0:18:420:18:45

Oh. Bless your mum.

0:18:450:18:47

She never forgets.

0:18:470:18:49

Mm-mm! Oh!

0:18:520:18:54

Paul Hollywood, eat your heart out!

0:18:540:18:56

Do you want my satsuma? They give me wind.

0:18:560:18:58

So...why did he leave?

0:18:580:19:01

Craig?

0:19:010:19:02

He had a fight with his dad.

0:19:020:19:04

-Nothing to do with you then?

-No.

0:19:040:19:06

Do you know what you could get him

0:19:070:19:09

that he'd really like?

0:19:090:19:10

A moped?

0:19:100:19:13

He'd like to be part of your family.

0:19:130:19:15

You're joking!

0:19:150:19:16

He says we're a waste of good oxygen.

0:19:160:19:18

Ho, ho, ho!

0:19:180:19:20

He really does that!

0:19:200:19:22

You don't have to get along with him all the time.

0:19:220:19:25

That's good.

0:19:250:19:26

Just accept that...

0:19:260:19:27

he belongs here.

0:19:270:19:29

I guess, if I can do it with Lauren then I can do it with anyone.

0:19:290:19:33

But isn't it too late?

0:19:330:19:36

Late?! Oh, oh! I am so behind!

0:19:360:19:39

I've got the whole of France to do.

0:19:390:19:42

Oh, erm, one more thing before I go.

0:19:420:19:46

You should take a look in Craig's wardrobe.

0:19:460:19:49

That was weird.

0:19:540:19:57

Wait. Did I talk to...?

0:19:570:20:00

No. I can't have, can I?

0:20:000:20:02

It's Christmas!

0:20:080:20:10

Lauren!

0:20:140:20:16

-Leave me alone.

-But it's Christmas!

0:20:160:20:18

Stocking! Hand it over!

0:20:180:20:20

-Merry Christmas!

-Merry Christmas!

0:20:220:20:24

Chilli sweets! One in ten blows your head off!

0:20:260:20:29

Right. Three, two, one...

0:20:310:20:33

-I'm fine.

-I'm fine.

0:20:350:20:38

I'm not fine! Hot!

0:20:380:20:40

Hot!

0:20:400:20:41

Listen...

0:20:430:20:44

I had a deep chat with Santa last night

0:20:440:20:46

and he says we need to get Craig back.

0:20:460:20:48

If this is about that reindeer...

0:20:500:20:51

He's not what you expect.

0:20:510:20:53

Craig?

0:20:530:20:54

Santa. He's quite...banter-y.

0:20:540:20:57

Banta Claus!

0:20:570:20:59

This is all a dream, yeah?

0:20:590:21:00

No!

0:21:000:21:02

Yes... I dunno.

0:21:020:21:03

Anyway, Craig. It's kind of your fault that he left.

0:21:030:21:06

My fault?

0:21:060:21:07

You know, your Holly prank?

0:21:070:21:09

You loved that!

0:21:090:21:10

You're just sick that you didn't come up with it.

0:21:100:21:12

OK, both of us. But it's good having him around.

0:21:120:21:15

Stops you picking on me.

0:21:150:21:16

I don't pick on you, you little...

0:21:160:21:18

We've got to get him back. SHE SIGHS

0:21:180:21:21

Give me three good reasons why.

0:21:210:21:23

-He makes great toast.

-So does a toaster.

0:21:230:21:26

He has some pretty hot friends.

0:21:260:21:27

Dan Taylor. OK, true.

0:21:270:21:29

That's one.

0:21:290:21:31

And if he doesn't come back, what's Mike going to do?

0:21:310:21:35

I didn't think of that. OK, that's two.

0:21:350:21:39

But that's still not enough.

0:21:390:21:41

What else have you got?

0:21:410:21:42

Come on.

0:21:420:21:44

Come on!

0:21:450:21:46

-Ah, no way, from Craig.

-He did get us something.

0:21:500:21:53

-And we said he wouldn't.

-Cos we didn't.

0:21:540:21:57

Anyway, presents don't matter.

0:21:570:21:59

Are you feeling OK?! Cos that's crazy talk!

0:21:590:22:01

We made him feel like he doesn't belong and he does.

0:22:010:22:05

A Craig is for Christmas.

0:22:050:22:07

OK, three. Can't believe I'm saying this, but you're right.

0:22:070:22:11

We can get Craig back?

0:22:110:22:13

But how?

0:22:130:22:15

I've got a plan.

0:22:150:22:17

-Morning!

-ALL:

-Happy Christmas!

0:22:170:22:21

Who's up for a Crimble fry up?

0:22:210:22:22

Oh, me!

0:22:220:22:24

Shame Craig's not here though.

0:22:240:22:26

Yeah, he makes such great toast.

0:22:260:22:29

Well, who needs toast when you've got...cinnamon buns?

0:22:290:22:32

Oh, Mum, you're an absolute star!

0:22:320:22:35

-We should save some for Craig though.

-Yeah.

0:22:350:22:37

I wonder what Craig's doing right now?

0:22:370:22:40

Well, wherever he is, I hope he's having a nice time.

0:22:400:22:42

He's at his mum's.

0:22:420:22:43

Arg!

0:22:430:22:45

I'm sorry, but I really need to be with my son today.

0:22:450:22:49

Sorry.

0:22:490:22:50

What on earth was all that about?

0:22:520:22:54

Couldn't you see you were upsetting Mike?

0:22:540:22:57

Great, now look!

0:22:570:22:59

Don't worry, Mum.

0:22:590:23:00

It's all part of my plan to get him back.

0:23:000:23:02

Well, this better be good.

0:23:020:23:04

Now, Mike'll go out and fetch Craig and bring him back here!

0:23:040:23:06

Then we can make a big fuss of him and make him stay,

0:23:060:23:09

although we still haven't got him a present.

0:23:090:23:12

Don't worry, Santa will provide!

0:23:120:23:15

Merry Christmas!

0:23:190:23:20

-Merry Christmas!

-Happy Christmas.

0:23:200:23:23

Wow! You've done well.

0:23:230:23:25

And in this tiny kitchen, too!

0:23:250:23:27

Well, this place feels bigger now all those people have gone.

0:23:270:23:30

Yeah...even though it isn't.

0:23:300:23:32

Is it Christmas yet?

0:23:320:23:33

-BOTH: No!

-Oh...

0:23:330:23:36

-Yes!

-It is, actually, aye!

-Yeah!

0:23:360:23:38

ALL: Merry Christmas!

0:23:380:23:40

-PHONE RINGS

-It's Mike!

0:23:400:23:42

Finally! When are they coming home?

0:23:420:23:43

"Taking Craig out to eat. Go ahead without us.

0:23:430:23:46

"Kiss, kiss, M." Great(!)

0:23:460:23:49

Now Mike's gone as well.

0:23:490:23:50

-That wasn't the plan!

-This is a total disaster!

0:23:500:23:53

Wait.

0:23:530:23:54

How many places around here are open on Christmas Day?

0:23:540:23:57

-Lauren?

-On it.

0:23:570:23:59

What are we going to do? Go to all of them?

0:23:590:24:01

Exactly!

0:24:010:24:03

We've been to five places.

0:24:050:24:07

That's all the open ones, I think.

0:24:070:24:08

Are you sure? Check again.

0:24:080:24:10

Turkey dippers - could be a winner.

0:24:120:24:14

Look, I know I'm supposed to back off, play it cool,

0:24:160:24:20

if you love something, let it go, but...

0:24:200:24:22

I miss you, mate.

0:24:220:24:24

I want you back!

0:24:240:24:26

Yeah, but...

0:24:260:24:28

They don't, do they?

0:24:280:24:30

The girls? Yeah, they do.

0:24:300:24:32

They won't stop going on about you.

0:24:320:24:34

Yeah, I bet(!)

0:24:340:24:35

There they are.

0:24:410:24:42

-We've been looking for you all over! Hi.

-Hi.

0:24:450:24:49

Thanks for our presents!

0:24:490:24:51

No worries. Listen, I'm going to...

0:24:510:24:53

Craig...

0:24:530:24:55

Don't you want to see what we got you?

0:24:550:24:57

What's in there?

0:24:590:25:00

All the rest of my stuff?

0:25:000:25:01

It's my shopping!

0:25:110:25:13

But the bin men took it.

0:25:130:25:15

It's a Christmas miracle!

0:25:150:25:17

No.

0:25:170:25:18

I found it in the back of Craig's wardrobe.

0:25:180:25:20

It was just a prank.

0:25:200:25:22

We all jumped down his throat before he could explain.

0:25:220:25:25

Wow. Serious prankage respect.

0:25:250:25:28

We're sorry.

0:25:280:25:30

We want you back.

0:25:300:25:32

It's boring without you.

0:25:320:25:33

I've only got Millie to wind up and she's no challenge.

0:25:330:25:36

Urgh, nor is she!

0:25:360:25:38

Craig, come home.

0:25:390:25:41

I'll only come home on one condition.

0:25:430:25:45

-That you move out...

-What?

0:25:470:25:49

..of my room...and pronto.

0:25:490:25:52

OK. That was her idea anyway.

0:25:530:25:55

I didn't want your smelly old room.

0:25:550:25:57

I've left all your mouldy cereal bowls just the way you like them.

0:25:570:26:01

So, that's settled.

0:26:010:26:02

Let's go home, eh?

0:26:020:26:03

Millie?

0:26:110:26:12

Santa?

0:26:120:26:14

Yup!

0:26:140:26:16

You found the shopping bag, then?

0:26:170:26:19

It was just where you said it'd be.

0:26:190:26:21

You get round France OK?

0:26:210:26:23

I thought I'd finished early!

0:26:230:26:25

Jokes!

0:26:250:26:27

-Happy Christmas!

-Happy Christmas!

0:26:270:26:29

Surprisingly good, this turkey ice cream!

0:26:310:26:34

Who was that guy?

0:26:340:26:35

Well, I think we can rule out the Tooth Fairy!

0:26:350:26:38

Ah. Now we can do Christmas properly.

0:26:410:26:45

I can practically smell it.

0:26:450:26:47

The tree, the presents,

0:26:470:26:49

the...smoke.

0:26:490:26:50

Smoke?

0:26:500:26:52

Oh!

0:26:520:26:53

I burnt lunch! I never burn lunch!

0:26:570:27:02

All right, well, maybe I did.

0:27:020:27:03

PHONE RINGS

0:27:030:27:04

Hi, Dad! Happy Christmas.

0:27:040:27:07

Erm, Sharon's burnt Christmas lunch.

0:27:090:27:13

Can I invite them over here to eat

0:27:130:27:15

and maybe just gloat a wee, tiny bit?

0:27:150:27:18

Yeah, why not? It's Christmas, eh?

0:27:180:27:21

And, apparently, we live in the TARDIS.

0:27:210:27:23

Mills? What about this for an idea?

0:27:230:27:27

-Happy Christmas!

-Hello!

-Come in.

-Hi! Come on in!

-Thank you so much.

0:27:270:27:31

..good for the potatoes.

0:27:310:27:33

There's plenty more, so don't worry.

0:27:360:27:39

This is this is good.

0:27:390:27:40

I'm impressed, Tony!

0:27:400:27:42

-Thanks!

-Mm, really nice.

0:27:420:27:44

So, erm, have you and Tony ever considered getting a bigger place?

0:27:440:27:48

Oh, I haven't really thought about it.

0:27:480:27:50

Oh, aye, we'll need somewhere roomier soon.

0:27:500:27:52

I mean, this flat was just a stop-gap anyway.

0:27:520:27:55

-PHONE RINGS

-Oh, Lauren, it's Christmas!

0:27:570:28:01

No, it's not, Mum. It's Dan Taylor!

0:28:010:28:03

Hi!

0:28:030:28:06

Hi! Excuse me, move!

0:28:060:28:07

Erm, hey, Lauren.

0:28:100:28:12

It's... it's Dan here.

0:28:120:28:15

You all right, babe?

0:28:150:28:16

So, there we go.

0:28:160:28:18

And maybe it wasn't the perfect Christmas,

0:28:180:28:20

but it did have its moments.

0:28:200:28:22

I met Santa!

0:28:220:28:23

And it was a bit touch and go,

0:28:230:28:25

but now Craig's back home.

0:28:250:28:27

I don't think Lauren minds too much.

0:28:270:28:29

Right, you're dead!

0:28:290:28:33

Happy Christmas!

0:28:330:28:34

It's Christmas, a time for the family to be together. But Craig, sick of being constantly criticised, decides to move back to his mum's for a while. Mike is bereft, but it's a victory for the girls - at last, no Craig! But when they start to squabble and fall out, they realise the family dynamic is all wrong without him. They actually miss Craig - and they have to get him back for Christmas! Over at Dad's, it's a cramped Christmas - so Fran and Amber embark on a mission to convince him that his flat is too small.