Christmas Special Millie Inbetween

I know. Creepy, right?

Only the twisted mind of my sister would find that Christmassy.

I'm so psyched! Dad's sent us all chocolate reindeer.

He even sent Craig one,

which is going a bit far.

Craig's put his up there.

He thinks I can't get it.

Unfortunately, he's right.

Hands off my reindeer!

Right, telly.

I've circled the Crimbo shows that I'm going to watch.

"Die Hard 6: Die Even More Hardest,

"Terminator 7: Punching Day."

They're all so fighty.

Oh, The Little Snowman! Oh, do you like that? I love that one!

It's a mistake!

I meant...

that one.

"The Hungry Dead 4: Brain Buffet."

How festive(!)

What if we want something else?

Then, tough.

See?

Circled.

By the way, Holly was asking about you.

Who?

Holly.

Yeah, not bothered.

PHONE RINGS

It's her!

I switched our numbers round!

Told you, twisted mind.

Clever though.

MUSIC PLAYS

Holly?

What's that? Speak up, yeah?

I'm on stage at the moment doing my DJ set.

What's that?

Turn around?

Yeah, yeah, sure, babe.

Oh, Craigy!

Right, you're dead!

NO!

-You can't have the phone!

-Just give me the...!

Why does Christmas shopping hurt so much more than regular shopping?

-Stop, stop, stop!

-Your phone is toast!

-No!

Craig, Craig, what are you doing?

Getting some hot, buttered revenge.

Just give it back.

Nice one, son.

Come on! Let's all get in the Christmas spirit, please!

Of peace and goodwill

and chocolate greed!

-Who wants to finish decorating the house?

-Good idea.

What about...some HOLLY?

Mm, bet you like HOLLY, don't you, Craig?

Hey, cheer up, son, it's the holidays.

-And we all know you love the HOLLY Days!

-Nice one!

Oh, I just nailed my shopping.

-How are you two getting on with yours?

-Got you a wicked present.

You'll never guess!

And Dad.

-And?

-And her.

And?

Wait, we're not meant to be getting them stuff, are we?

Bet Craig hasn't got us anything.

Yeah. Right. As if.

Oh. It'd be nice though.

Right... Who wants to help me with the washing up?

Craig will, won't you, mate?

Craig? You're kidding, right?

See? He never helps with anything.

Millie, help Mum.

Is it Christmas yet?

Cos I'm not coming out till it is.

Good. But can't you make your tent on your own bed?

But our bags are on my bed.

Oh!

Is it Christmas yet?

Oi!

It's not fair. Me and Jake have to share a room.

So do a lot of kids. Duck!

Not with two other girls! There's nowhere to put our stuff.

-Oh, it's not that bad. Ow!

-See?

Look, it's fine!

I've even worked furniture obstacles into my routine. Watch this.

Agh!

I meant to do that

It's our second Christmas here and we're still living out of our bags.

Not Jake - he's living out of a tent.

Oh...

Look, Tony will get a bigger place some day.

Let's ask him now.

Ah, you have to be a bit clever about it.

Make him think it's his idea.

We need to give him a nudge.

A nudge, eh?

-What kind of a nudge?

-Well...

Oh. It's a bad case of the Man Shop Drop.

Please, don't make me go back out there. I've served my time.

-I won't go, I won't!

-Have you seen my shopping?

I see shopping every time I close my eyes.

Oh, you're such a drama queen.

Yeah, sorry. Hey, really looking forward to Christmas though.

Feels like we're going to be a proper family.

Ah. It does. Give or take the odd toasted phone.

I left it in the utility room.

-Your phone?

-No, my shopping. But it's not there now.

Ah, the girls are probably rooting through it as we speak!

I was joking.

-Are you peeping at your presents?

-What? No!

Hands up, where I can see them.

Now, presents where I can see them.

-What presents?

-Hm.

Have you seen my bag, Craig?

Erm, no.

It was out there, by the recycling?

Oh, I...

I put out all the recycling...

and the rubbish.

So, it's... It's not true I never help out, is it?

What, you put it all out?

Yeah, but not my bag?

-Yeah, I was just being helpful.

-Are you serious?

Well, it's not a problem.

The binmen haven't even been...

BIN LORRY BEEPS OUTSIDE

..yet.

-FRONT DOOR SLAMS

-Aar-gg-hh!

I'm...guessing you didn't catch them, then?

It's too late - it's gone!

Oh, great time to be Mr Helpful!

Hang on, Sharon, how was he meant to know?

Yeah! Who leaves a bag of Christmas presents right next to the bin?

Wait. How do you know what was in it?

Mum just said it was a bag.

I could...see, couldn't I?

Well, why did you put it out, then?

It was...

It was payback.

-It was what?

-It's not funny!

Yeah, it is.

Isn't it, Dad?

What were you thinking?

You're obsessed with getting your own back,

-but that was well out of order.

-Easy.

You know, I do my best to see your good side,

but I'm ashamed of you right now.

Now apologise.

Sorry.

At least I cleaned up.

No, you didn't.

You messed up.

Ouch!

Never seen Mike like that before.

Hi, mate. Erm...

Sorry for losing my temper back then.

My bad.

I don't mind. You can lose it all you like.

Just...

Just not in front of them.

Them?

There's no "them". We're all one big family now.

Are we?

You know, they didn't even get us presents?

Yeah, but that's just, I mean...

Well, you're not bothered about presents anyways.

No, but you know what they say,

"It's the thought that counts."

Where are you going?

-To Mum's.

-What for?

For Christmas.

Yeah. Somewhere I won't get pranked and shouted at.

It's no biggie.

You're better off without me

Don't say that.

It's a biggie for me.

Here.

They're for the girls.

# Ding dong merrily on high In heav'n the bells are ringing

# Ding dong verrily the sky, Is ridd'n with angles singing... #

OK, nudge time!

We need to gain control of his mind.

Shouldn't take too long.

Then implant an irresistible urge for a bigger place!

Babe, I was thinking,

why don't we have a Christmas party?

I dunno. Parties aren't really my thing.

You love a good party!

Going to them, aye, it's just giving them I'm not so keen on.

Can we please? I could do crowd surfing!

And I could take a selfie!

Don't worry, we'll take care of everything.

You just relax and enjoy.

Ah, why not, eh? It's Christmas!

As long as you think we've got enough friends to fill the place.

I think we'll just manage.

It's Christmas Eve!

We are in our onesies and it's going to be the best Christmas ever!

Hey!

No, won't complain.

So much easier without Craig in my face.

Now I can choose what we're going to watch!

I love Christmas Eve. We're all in, everyone's snuggly-wuggly

-and tomorrow will be perfect.

-Yeah.

And you can move back.

Wait, what do you mean?

Oh, into your old room. I packed your bag.

But this is half my room.

When Craig was here, yeah.

But now that he is gone, the room fairy appears and, BING,

I get my old room back.

But my room's Craig's, now, with his minging trainers

and mouldy cereal bowls.

Did you not hear me? He's gone!

No more annoying rap, no more worrying smells

and no more fighting!

Is this what no more fighting looks like?

I might have guessed this would happen. You've had trouble sharing

-since pre-school.

-No, I haven't!

What about when Amy Ford lost your special blanky?

I loved Belinda Blanky!

So, get over it! And, no, I am not going!

-Yes, you are! Stop that!

-How about you move out, then?

Out of my own room?! Have you literally lost your mind?!

There is no way that I am moving out of my own room on Christmas Eve!

Yeah.

Best Christmas ever(!)

You've been on that same sprout the last ten minutes.

Think it's peeled?

Oh, why don't you just call him?

-Who?

-Craig!

Nah, no, that's not cool.

He's made his decision - I need to respect that.

It's no biggie.

PHONE RINGS

Is it him? What did he say?

"All gd C."

Well, that's "gd".

I am going to need you to cheer up just a little bit.

Yeah, you're right. Smile on through.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

This is stupid.

I don't want to sleep in Craig's cave.

Oh, no! Please, no!

Oh! It's no good, it's too big.

I'll have to cut the top off.

Or we could drill a hole in the ceiling!

Ah! It's too late, they're here!

Right!

Who is ready to party?

HE LAUGHS

All cosy in your nice new roomy-room?

I had to disinfect my foot!

Mmm. Craig's choccy reindeer.

-He put it out of my reach.

-Well, what are big sister's for?

Good question.

What are you actually doing?

Eating it. Want some?

When he comes back, you are so dead.

What do you not get about him?

He's not coming back, he hates it here.

It's still wrong. Just put it back.

Who are you, the voice of my conscience?

How do you know what that sounds like?

Well, I am saving yours for Craig.

What part of "he's gone" don't you understand? Give it back!

Now, look what you made me do!

Serves you right, greedy guts.

Fine. I'm taking yours then.

Lauren!

-Stop it!

-Give me mine back, then!

Lauren!

Mum, Lauren stole my reindeer!

Only cos she stole mine!

Girls!

What is your problem?

Your face.

Girls, that is not very Christmassy of you!

What's gotten into you two?

Right, reindeers, now.

Oh, right, there you are. Erm, who's up for a game of charades?

Oh, me! Yay!

Come on, let's get this party started.

MUSIC: Celebration by Kool And The Gang

He wants to do the selfie.

-ALL:

-Selfie! Selfie! Selfie! Selfie!

Good one, Jake, yeah!

Oh, I hope Tony's OK.

He's loving it!

He must think the flat's small by now.

Someone should start the dancing. Come on!

Mum, wait. Stop. Seriously, stop!

Oh, embarrassing parent alert!

Charades - brings families together!

Bagsie not being on her team.

Good, cos I don't want you.

Right, well, I'll play with Lauren. Here, you go first.

You're happy.

Delirious?

-Joy?

-Yeah!

Joy...

-Joy To The World?

-Yes!

-Two minutes - that's woeful.

-Yeah, like you could do better.

-Yeah.

-Come on.

What the...?

-ALL:

-Five words.

Craig! Craig! Mate! Ah, good to see you pal!

I knew it'd be too quiet at your mum's!

-Come on in, we're playing games!

-Nah.

You're all right. I...

I just came to get a few things, actually.

What for?

I might stay on at Mum's.

-Well, seeing as how Millie's taken over my room and all.

-But...

Well, for how long?

I don't know.

See how things go, yeah?

Happy Christmas, son.

-See ya.

-Night.

-Cheers.

Phew. Oh...

What a party, eh?

We were packed in like clowns in a Mini.

SHE LAUGHS

And, you know, it's got me thinking about something.

Oh, yeah? What's that?

Well, I was wondering if, maybe, we have...

too many friends.

Mum, do you think we fight more when Craig's not here?

Well, I think getting at him

does help you two stop teasing each other.

-Do you think he'll come back?

-Yeah! Of course he'll come back.

He probably just needed a little break from us, that's all.

You know, I can't wait for Christmas.

I'm probably never going to get to sleep.

You say that every year.

Night.

Night, Mum.

SCRAPING

HEAVY FOOTSTEPS

A BANG

CREAKING

What was that?

THUMPING AND BANGING

Oh! Oh!

Are you OK?

Oh, yeah, sorry, just...

Just fell off the roof...again.

Satellite dishes - bane of my life.

Who are you?

Well, I think we can rule out the Easter Bunny.

May I?

Oh! Oh, I like what you've done with the place.

Yeah, very nice.

I only get to see it once a year, of course.

Ow!

Sorry! So, you're really...

real?

I think so. What about you?

Right, three presents, isn't it?

Two girls, one boy.

Actually, he's gone to his mum's.

Oh, yes. That's right. Last minute job.

You lot keep me on my toes, don't you?

Got any presents you want me to take over to him for you?

Oh, we didn't...

I mean, he didn't get us anything, so...

Oh, didn't he?

What are those then?

"To Millie...

"from The Craigster."

I'll let you into a secret, Millie.

Presents aren't what matter.

But you're, like, Mr Presents.

Look, I'll spare you half a minute.

-Where's my mince pie?

-Mum doesn't put them out any...

Oh. Bless your mum.

She never forgets.

Mm-mm! Oh!

Paul Hollywood, eat your heart out!

Do you want my satsuma? They give me wind.

So...why did he leave?

Craig?

He had a fight with his dad.

-Nothing to do with you then?

-No.

Do you know what you could get him

that he'd really like?

A moped?

He'd like to be part of your family.

You're joking!

He says we're a waste of good oxygen.

Ho, ho, ho!

He really does that!

You don't have to get along with him all the time.

That's good.

Just accept that...

he belongs here.

I guess, if I can do it with Lauren then I can do it with anyone.

But isn't it too late?

Late?! Oh, oh! I am so behind!

I've got the whole of France to do.

Oh, erm, one more thing before I go.

You should take a look in Craig's wardrobe.

That was weird.

Wait. Did I talk to...?

No. I can't have, can I?

It's Christmas!

Lauren!

-Leave me alone.

-But it's Christmas!

Stocking! Hand it over!

-Merry Christmas!

-Merry Christmas!

Chilli sweets! One in ten blows your head off!

Right. Three, two, one...

-I'm fine.

-I'm fine.

I'm not fine! Hot!

Hot!

Listen...

I had a deep chat with Santa last night

and he says we need to get Craig back.

If this is about that reindeer...

He's not what you expect.

Craig?

Santa. He's quite...banter-y.

Banta Claus!

This is all a dream, yeah?

No!

Yes... I dunno.

Anyway, Craig. It's kind of your fault that he left.

My fault?

You know, your Holly prank?

You loved that!

You're just sick that you didn't come up with it.

OK, both of us. But it's good having him around.

Stops you picking on me.

I don't pick on you, you little...

We've got to get him back. SHE SIGHS

Give me three good reasons why.

-He makes great toast.

-So does a toaster.

He has some pretty hot friends.

Dan Taylor. OK, true.

That's one.

And if he doesn't come back, what's Mike going to do?

I didn't think of that. OK, that's two.

But that's still not enough.

What else have you got?

Come on.

Come on!

-Ah, no way, from Craig.

-He did get us something.

-And we said he wouldn't.

-Cos we didn't.

Anyway, presents don't matter.

Are you feeling OK?! Cos that's crazy talk!

We made him feel like he doesn't belong and he does.

A Craig is for Christmas.

OK, three. Can't believe I'm saying this, but you're right.

We can get Craig back?

But how?

I've got a plan.

-Morning!

-ALL:

-Happy Christmas!

Who's up for a Crimble fry up?

Oh, me!

Shame Craig's not here though.

Yeah, he makes such great toast.

Well, who needs toast when you've got...cinnamon buns?

Oh, Mum, you're an absolute star!

-We should save some for Craig though.

-Yeah.

I wonder what Craig's doing right now?

Well, wherever he is, I hope he's having a nice time.

He's at his mum's.

Arg!

I'm sorry, but I really need to be with my son today.

Sorry.

What on earth was all that about?

Couldn't you see you were upsetting Mike?

Great, now look!

Don't worry, Mum.

It's all part of my plan to get him back.

Well, this better be good.

Now, Mike'll go out and fetch Craig and bring him back here!

Then we can make a big fuss of him and make him stay,

although we still haven't got him a present.

Don't worry, Santa will provide!

Merry Christmas!

-Merry Christmas!

-Happy Christmas.

Wow! You've done well.

And in this tiny kitchen, too!

Well, this place feels bigger now all those people have gone.

Yeah...even though it isn't.

Is it Christmas yet?

-BOTH: No!

-Oh...

-Yes!

-It is, actually, aye!

-Yeah!

ALL: Merry Christmas!

-PHONE RINGS

-It's Mike!

Finally! When are they coming home?

"Taking Craig out to eat. Go ahead without us.

"Kiss, kiss, M." Great(!)

Now Mike's gone as well.

-That wasn't the plan!

-This is a total disaster!

Wait.

How many places around here are open on Christmas Day?

-Lauren?

-On it.

What are we going to do? Go to all of them?

Exactly!

We've been to five places.

That's all the open ones, I think.

Are you sure? Check again.

Turkey dippers - could be a winner.

Look, I know I'm supposed to back off, play it cool,

if you love something, let it go, but...

I miss you, mate.

I want you back!

Yeah, but...

They don't, do they?

The girls? Yeah, they do.

They won't stop going on about you.

Yeah, I bet(!)

There they are.

-We've been looking for you all over! Hi.

-Hi.

Thanks for our presents!

No worries. Listen, I'm going to...

Craig...

Don't you want to see what we got you?

What's in there?

All the rest of my stuff?

It's my shopping!

But the bin men took it.

It's a Christmas miracle!

No.

I found it in the back of Craig's wardrobe.

It was just a prank.

We all jumped down his throat before he could explain.

Wow. Serious prankage respect.

We're sorry.

We want you back.

It's boring without you.

I've only got Millie to wind up and she's no challenge.

Urgh, nor is she!

Craig, come home.

I'll only come home on one condition.

-That you move out...

-What?

..of my room...and pronto.

OK. That was her idea anyway.

I didn't want your smelly old room.

I've left all your mouldy cereal bowls just the way you like them.

So, that's settled.

Let's go home, eh?

Millie?

Santa?

Yup!

You found the shopping bag, then?

It was just where you said it'd be.

You get round France OK?

I thought I'd finished early!

Jokes!

-Happy Christmas!

-Happy Christmas!

Surprisingly good, this turkey ice cream!

Who was that guy?

Well, I think we can rule out the Tooth Fairy!

Ah. Now we can do Christmas properly.

I can practically smell it.

The tree, the presents,

the...smoke.

Smoke?

Oh!

I burnt lunch! I never burn lunch!

All right, well, maybe I did.

PHONE RINGS

Hi, Dad! Happy Christmas.

Erm, Sharon's burnt Christmas lunch.

Can I invite them over here to eat

and maybe just gloat a wee, tiny bit?

Yeah, why not? It's Christmas, eh?

And, apparently, we live in the TARDIS.

Mills? What about this for an idea?

-Happy Christmas!

-Hello!

-Come in.

-Hi! Come on in!

-Thank you so much.

..good for the potatoes.

There's plenty more, so don't worry.

This is this is good.

I'm impressed, Tony!

-Thanks!

-Mm, really nice.

So, erm, have you and Tony ever considered getting a bigger place?

Oh, I haven't really thought about it.

Oh, aye, we'll need somewhere roomier soon.

I mean, this flat was just a stop-gap anyway.

-PHONE RINGS

-Oh, Lauren, it's Christmas!

No, it's not, Mum. It's Dan Taylor!

Hi!

Hi! Excuse me, move!

Erm, hey, Lauren.

It's... it's Dan here.

You all right, babe?

So, there we go.

And maybe it wasn't the perfect Christmas,

but it did have its moments.

I met Santa!

And it was a bit touch and go,

but now Craig's back home.

I don't think Lauren minds too much.

Right, you're dead!

Happy Christmas!