Take a Chance on Me My Almost Famous Family


Take a Chance on Me

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HE CLEARS THROAT

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How is it you only have one thing to clear up after a gig

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and you can't even manage that?

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Tell me about it. Can't we get a roadie?

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SHE GASPS

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That's Monelle!

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SHE SHRIEKS

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I give up, who is she?

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It's comments like that that remind me you're not my real dad.

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Think Rihanna, Beyonce, and me all rolled into one.

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Wow! That is one hell of a diva.

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Oh! I think she's coming this way.

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I think she's coming over to...

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..Toyah?!

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Hey. Wicked bass line out there.

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Oh. It's your basic sustained F on D in F major suppressing the C.

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Wow. I wish I found it as easy as you.

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-You write your own songs too?

-Well, I try.

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Hey, maybe you can have a go at writing a song for me.

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Really? That would be, like...

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Hi! Aretha. Obviously.

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-Here's a really random idea.

-I

-write a song for you.

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Hmm, since when do you write songs?!

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ARETHA LAUGHS

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She's hilarious, isn't she?

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Wouldn't know R&B if it bit her in the B-U-T-T.

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Look, I'm on next week's show.

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If either of you happen to write me a hit for my album,

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I'll happily use it. Gotta shoot, but next week?

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-Bye.

-Bye.

-Bye.

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ARETHA SHRIEKS

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-Who am I kidding?

-BOTH SHRIEK

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# Almost famous and it's killing me

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# I'm one step off from where I gotta be

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# I want a million voices

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# Singing back at me

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# La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

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# La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

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# La, la, la, la, la, la, la. #

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Whoo!

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How is it possible for teenyboppers to get past Ken in security?

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He's bigger than my fridge.

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I do not want Annabelle being disturbed by them.

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Post-show she's at her most sensitive.

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You two should run along.

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Thanks, but we don't need you to...

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No. Our insurance doesn't cover boys getting trampled on.

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So my fans want a piece

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of the BB of rock? Well, what can I say?

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It's my duty to meet and greet them.

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SMASHING

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RUMBLING

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Brace yourself, Bad Boy...

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GIRLS SHRIEK

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So...

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a few fans prefer Isaac over of you.

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Nothing to worry about, Bad Boy.

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SMASHING

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OK, family time...

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ALL GROAN

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GROANING TURNS TO FAKE CHEERING

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Don't forget the...

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Now, where is the chat hat?

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OK, we'll just have to use the...

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rap bap!

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-ALL: The rap bap?

-Mmm-hmm.

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OK. Let's try again...

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Family Ti... Martha?

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Are you paying attention?

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For what?

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-Hadley taught her "Elvis Live From Las Vegas" karate moves.

-What?

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Martha!

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OK. Though it is nice to be appreciated, music is about fun.

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It's not about competition.

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I'm going to have a lot of fun writing my song for Monelle.

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Remind me, how many songs have you written in the last...ooh...ever?!

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And how many R&B songs have you written...Toyonce?!

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-This is what we mean!

-And, guys, the fan incident?

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It doesn't mean anyone's more popular.

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Fans are fickle. OK, Isaac?

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-OK.

-It's not a true representation of your fan base. Trust me,

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we know. OK, Hadley?

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-MUFFLED:

-Really loving the rap bap.

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BELL CHIMES

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Is everything OK, Hadley?

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Er...more than OK.

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OK-er, OK-est.

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Look, that little heads-up at breakfast?

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I know what you were saying.

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What were we saying?

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Secretly I get the most fan mail. Am I right or am I right?

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-No!

-No!

-Oh, I know!

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So, where do you hide it?

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Is it in the dresser? Under the floorboards?

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Or is it in your secret cupboard?

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-What secret cupboard?

-We don't have one.

-So there is a secret cupboard!

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Oh, my fan mail must be huge!

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-I knew I was popular, but this?!

-Hadley...

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Look, it's OK, I put my skinny jeans on

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one leg at a time

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just like everybody else. Yes!

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He now knows he gets a stack of fan mail.

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What was with the wink at breakfast?

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It was a...false eyelash incident.

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It's everything we said we wouldn't allow.

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If he finds out that half of that is his,

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before you know it he'll... turn into Britney Spears.

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Not without a lot of surgery.

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This calls for Operation Burn Hadley's Fan Mail.

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That's an operation? Since when?

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-Since we decided to burn Hadley's fan mail.

-Good idea.

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FAINT PIANO CHORDS

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Do you have to write so loud?

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-Hey!

-You're not the only one writing a song for Monelle.

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Your notepad said otherwise.

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-Do you even know how to play that thing?

-Duh.

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I'm in a band.

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-OK. Play G-minor.

-You want me to play a G-minor?

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You want me to play a G-minor?

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Minus the reverb, yeah.

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See?

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And? Or should I come back after the interval?

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DISCORDANT CHORD

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I need my own space.

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Finally.

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Fan mail...

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Let me feel the love.

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Beating me requires an element of surprise.

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Oh, not that kind of surprise.

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Aha!

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Isaac, Isaac, Isaac,

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Aretha, Toyah, Isaac...

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Stop saying "Isaac." Isaac?!

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Aaaargh!

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Hey! What's with all the racket?!

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Artiste at work here, trying to write a song.

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I need peace and quiet!

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OK, now it's just too quiet!

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-Hadley!

-Hadley?

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There is no Hadley.

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Everyone else, loads of Isaac...

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Even Goldie's got fan mail.

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He's a fish!

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Fire her! She's an ex-make-up artist!

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Mummy!

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'Plenty of people love you.'

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-Who? Where's the evidence?

-Well...

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your father and I love you.

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You're my parents, you're supposed to. When was that ever in doubt?

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-Is there something you're not telling me? Do you prefer the others?

-No!

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You know us, we're equal opportunity parents.

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Annabelle.

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-Now, she really loves you.

-Annabelle?

-Mmm-hmm.

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Is that really all I've got?

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It's worse than I thought.

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Oh, no, now I'm forgetting how to breathe.

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Is it in or out first? HE PANTS

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OK, honey, relax. Deep breaths.

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You know what? There was some fan mail for you.

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No!

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I'm not falling for the wink again. The wink has no power!

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Hey, Had.

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PHONE RINGS

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Whoa! Close call.

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-What are doing?

-Oh, you know, nothing much,

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just being bad, you know.

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That's fine, that's fine.

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Hook me up.

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Er...no, it's... It's not working.

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PHONE RINGS

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(Oh, yes.)

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Still got the Bad Boy magic.

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Oh, hi, Annabelle.

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So what can I do for you?

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(As if I couldn't guess.)

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There's something wrong with Isaac's phone. I need him. Now.

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But I'm the one you always call.

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We've got this whole "Will they, won't they?" thing going on.

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If you carry on like this, it'll be a "Will they? No, they won't!"

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kinda thing. Now, Isaac!

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-Annabelle.

-Don't "Annabelle" me. This cool thing you've got going?

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Stop it. There's only one star on this show and her name rhymes with "Can make your life hell". Byeee.

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So, , er... what did...

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Annabelle, want?

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Not you. Something about me being popular and some kind of "star".

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You know, I kinda zoned out halfway.

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RHYTHM TRACK PLAYS

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SHE PLAYS CHORDS

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Hey, Toy. Not disturbing you, am I?

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-Mmmm(!)

-OK, that sounded really sarcastic.

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OK, don't just hover. Help. Play the chord sequence,

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A minor to D minor, while I do this.

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This is good.

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Nice little two-bar minor riff with repeating melodic motif...

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What's Isaac got that I haven't?

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-What?

-One minute I've got it and now Isaac's got it.

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What has he got that I haven't?!

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So Isaac's teenybopper of the week. Fans are fickle.

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It could be anything. His sweatband

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or the way he picks his nose, anything.

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You're right. It's gotta be something.

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No. No, I didn't say that!

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Urgh!

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Oh, how the high and mighty have fallen(!)

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A bit of R'n'B block, so you decided to throw a hissy fit?

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No, I'm just making sure the songs I wrote this morning are in the correct order.

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-This morning?

-Mm.

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Urgh!

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MUSIC PLAYS

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# Me hanging out with Madonna?

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# That dream of hers is a gonna

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# Me chilling out with Leona?

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# I'm afraid she's on her own, yeah

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# Lily, Rihanna and Beyonce

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# They won't know what they're missing... # It's me by the way.

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# Cos it looks like Monelle Is bumping me

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# For a songwriting geek with OCD

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# Toyah churns them out like an iPod on repeat?

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# I'm not going to be beaten by a blank white sheet

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# They look at me And they can laugh

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# But I can write more than my autograph

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# I got what it takes to write a song

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# Even if my rhymes sometimes sound... #

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Not quite right? Oh...

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How many fingers am I holding up?

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Of course! It's the sticks!

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Hey, Reth. How's the songwriting going?

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Y'know, for a moment I had a teensy-weensy bit of doubt that I could write a song for Monelle.

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-How crazy's that?

-Crazy.

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Then it hit me... music's just a bunch of dots and squiggles, right?

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-Right.

-Play it for me!

-What?

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-So I know what it sounds like?

-You don't know what it sounds like?

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Hey, me and Beethoven, what can I say?

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Go, play, play!

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Play!

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HE STARTS PLAYING

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This is good, Aretha.

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-Good R'n'B.

-Yeah...

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really good.

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You're not playing it, are you?

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What...what makes you think that?

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Because this is the Rihanna track I lent you. Play what's on there.

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HE PLAYS DISCORDANT CHORDS

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Aretha...

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SHE CRIES

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Aretha...

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Come to laugh at me again, have you?

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-Honey...

-I'm not Toyah with her cello

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and her writing operas before she could walk!

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I'm just dumb old Aretha...

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point the mic at her, let her sing

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cos she's got nothing going on in her head.

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I hate you!

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You're not even my real dad!

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I know I'm not your real dad

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but, to me, you are my real daughter

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and I like to think that both of my daughters have equal talents.

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I do not think you're stupid and I never have.

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I know writing songs is frustrating but it's not about

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filling reems of sheet music or even about playing an instrument.

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It's about what makes you... you.

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Aretha.

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No. You.

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-What makes me me?

-Yes.

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No, I'm asking "What makes me me?"

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-You.

-So you're not gonna tell me?

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To be honest, I've never written an R'n'B song either

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but you are about to and it'll be fantastic because you are Aretha and you rock!

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Thanks.

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-You're still not my real dad.

-I know.

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Urgh! Argh! Urgh! >

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Urgh!

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Oh, why can't I just get my own personal shredder?!

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I hate R'n'B!

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-Ever tried really listening to some?

-All the time -

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through Aretha's headphones. Boom-tish, boom, tish. Boom-tish...

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Come on...

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-Oh, no, I don't cross the line!

-Forget your preconceptions.

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We'll find you some good examples to listen to. Monelle, obviously...

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Alicia Keys. Listen to the bass playing on track three. Phenomenal.

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Eurgh, doesn't she ever dust in here?

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Mary J Blige! ..This one, this one and... Oh, this arrangement...

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-Atchoo!

-I'd clear that up.

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You don't want to mess up Aretha's side.

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MUSIC PLAYS

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Boom-tish, boom-tish! Boom-tish, boom-tish!

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Try listening through Aretha's ears.

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Er, what's with the whole stick-dropping thing?

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-Trying to get Isaac's cool.

-Good luck with that.

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OK, so I'm doing a survey about who you think I really am.

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-Aretha?

-That's what

-I

-said!

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But apparently 'on a deeper level'.

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So, when you think of me, what comes to mind?

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Oh, no, I'm not sticking my head in that lion's mouth.

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Oh, please. It'll help with my song. And be as honest as you like.

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OK. Er... Madonna.

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-Really?

-Pushy, headstrong, you like a tantrum or ten.

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Anything else?

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Testy, loud, oh, and when you really lose it, your eyes go massive...

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Yeah, like that!

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Good feedback.

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-< Aargh!

-BREAKING GLASS

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< Hadley!

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Look at this!

0:18:490:18:51

Someone's got mail!

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YOU, honey! You have got mail. Look.

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-It's fan-mail!

-Get outta here!

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-What do they say?

-"I love you, Hadley, Bad Boy of Rock...

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"or should I say, I love you Badley."

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That's so cute! Isn't that cute? Read another!

0:19:120:19:16

"To Hadley,

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"I think you are well fat..."

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-No, "fit". That should be "fit".

-Ah-hah!

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Look, it's OK.

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I'm young, I'm in a band, I'm on TV,

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and still I have no fans so my mum has to write pretend fan-mail.

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I understand.

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OK, Shalondra.

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This calls for Operation Give Up The Ghost.

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GIRL SINGS

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# I really want to

0:19:490:19:52

# Take me on a trip I'd like to go somewhere

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# Take me to New York I'd love to see LA... #

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-Toyah!

-# ..I really want to

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-# Come dig it with you... #

-Hey!

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Oh!

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I'm OK.

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What are you do...? Is that my top?

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-No. OK, yes.

-So this is what you do?

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Just go through all my stuff?

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No, just this once. Normally I hate your stuff.

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I mean, I don't hate your stuff, I just wouldn't be seen dead with it.

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Someone put me out of my misery!

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-That can be arranged.

-I just wanted to see stuff...through your ears.

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You understand R'n'B and I don't.

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You write such beautiful songs and I'm just pants.

0:20:320:20:37

Say?

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-I heard Dad play your song on the piano downstairs.

-Oh...THAT song.

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How can I compete with that?

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I should have known you were just making up songs in the shower.

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Do you know what? I should give up. I'm out of the song contest.

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No.

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Don't try and change my mind.

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You know best.

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# Singing in the shower Me and my Chihuahua

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# We wash our cares away... #

0:21:060:21:09

Right! I've been watching you

0:21:090:21:11

and I've finally figured out what it is that makes you appear

0:21:110:21:16

to be more cool and popular than me.

0:21:160:21:18

-Ooh, tell me(!)

-The stick-twirling thing!

0:21:180:21:21

-So come on, how do you do it?

-Didn't even notice I did do it.

0:21:210:21:25

OK, you get your forefinger and you loop it through

0:21:250:21:28

whatever that finger is next to the pinkie.

0:21:280:21:31

Forefinger, and whatever that one is next to the pinkie.

0:21:310:21:35

No, wait. Index finger...

0:21:350:21:37

and then...you, um, do the...

0:21:370:21:41

You made me lose my stick-twirling thing.

0:21:420:21:45

-How is that my fault?

-You made me think!

0:21:450:21:48

Waaa! I've got it! And you've lost it!

0:21:500:21:54

I'm cool and popular again!

0:21:540:21:56

-No!

-I'll see you all at rehearsals!

0:21:560:21:59

SHE SINGS

0:22:010:22:04

Um...

0:22:070:22:08

Ohhhh!

0:22:110:22:13

Hey! Do you notice anything different about me, Annabelle?

0:22:190:22:24

Now you're needy AND creepy?

0:22:240:22:27

No! Look, I can do the stick-twirling thing.

0:22:270:22:29

Really? Well...

0:22:290:22:31

I can do THIS!

0:22:310:22:35

Annabelle? ..Annabelle.

0:22:370:22:40

She SO wants me!

0:22:440:22:47

Oh, who am I kidding?

0:22:500:22:51

Nobody wants me.

0:22:510:22:53

And it's not even cos of the stick-twirling thing.

0:22:530:22:56

You don't know what a relief it is, pulling out of the contest.

0:22:560:23:00

You were going to open a can of whoop-ass on me in front of Monelle.

0:23:000:23:04

I bet you can't contain your excitement.

0:23:040:23:07

Your first song, virtually guaranteed to be a hit!

0:23:070:23:10

-I bet Monelle is just...

-Will you quit yabbering on about Monelle!

0:23:100:23:14

We've gotta do our sound check.

0:23:140:23:17

I may have told an ikkle lie.

0:23:260:23:28

Don't tell me, it was you who broke my electric globe.

0:23:280:23:31

No! Well, yeah, but that's not what this is about.

0:23:310:23:34

The song you thought I wrote?

0:23:340:23:36

-It was Rihanna.

-Who's Rihanna?

0:23:360:23:40

What is wrong with this family?!

0:23:400:23:43

-It wasn't my song.

-But...

0:23:430:23:45

I gave up writing mine and you led me to believe...

0:23:450:23:48

Yeah. I'm sorry. Will you ever forgive me?

0:23:480:23:51

-No!

-Great, cos I need you to help me write a song quickly for Monelle.

0:23:510:23:55

OK, let's hear what you've got.

0:23:550:23:59

Well... I managed to rhyme "shower" with "Chihuahua".

0:23:590:24:03

OK, I'm sorry about taking your cool.

0:24:030:24:07

It's just the stick-twirling thing.

0:24:070:24:09

I don't care about the cool.

0:24:090:24:11

See. You're even cool when you're losing your cool.

0:24:110:24:15

Lead singer, guitarist...?

0:24:150:24:18

-You're cool!

-Aw, thanks, man.

0:24:180:24:21

Very moving

0:24:240:24:26

but do I have to do the Totally Annabelle Show totally by myself?

0:24:260:24:29

Pretty lame, right?

0:24:320:24:35

Yeah.

0:24:350:24:36

But try it again.

0:24:360:24:38

Maybe a bit faster.

0:24:390:24:41

Keep repeating it.

0:24:410:24:44

-That's a pretty good riff.

-Have you got any more lyrics?

0:24:440:24:47

# Singing in the shower

0:24:470:24:49

# Me and my Chihuahua

0:24:490:24:51

# Yeah, he's really tiny

0:24:510:24:53

# But now he's clean and shiny... #

0:24:530:24:55

Hey! That was good.

0:24:560:24:58

-# Take it back to the top

-Back to the top

0:24:580:25:02

-# Yeah, I don't wanna stop

-# And you ain't gonna stop

0:25:020:25:06

# Until I'm right at the top

0:25:060:25:08

# Oh, yeah! #

0:25:080:25:11

It's good.

0:25:110:25:12

Hello? Star of the show here!

0:25:120:25:15

OK. You can have your date. Just you and me and the paparazzi.

0:25:170:25:21

Uh, no, I...

0:25:210:25:23

Oh, I love it when you get all coy and try to fight your feelings.

0:25:230:25:27

See you in five, sweet lips.

0:25:270:25:29

You didn't notice, did you?

0:25:340:25:36

What?

0:25:360:25:37

Nothing. Sometimes it's best not to over-analyse stuff.

0:25:370:25:41

# Take it back to the top

0:25:410:25:43

-# Back to the top

-Yeah, don't let it stop... #

0:25:430:25:48

-Monelle!

-We've written a song!

0:25:480:25:51

Me too! Inspiration hit. I wrote it last night.

0:25:510:25:55

But... ours is really great!

0:25:550:25:58

Sorry. It must have been the competition from you guys,

0:25:580:26:01

it got me writing again.

0:26:010:26:03

Wa-a-a-a-h!

0:26:080:26:10

And thanks to my guest, Monelle.

0:26:140:26:16

Although I remember when she was plain old Mona.

0:26:160:26:20

And now We're In Perfect Harmony with a cover of the classic...

0:26:200:26:23

Actually, Annabelle, we've had a last-minute change of plan.

0:26:230:26:27

We're going to play a Swann Family original. We call this...

0:26:270:26:30

Back To The Top.

0:26:300:26:32

# Me and you, in our room

0:26:370:26:40

# Remember how we wrote this tune?

0:26:400:26:44

# You and me, side by side

0:26:450:26:48

# This is the song that turned the tide

0:26:480:26:51

-# So take it back to the top

-Back to the top

0:26:510:26:54

-# Yeah, don't let it stop

-Don't let it stop

0:26:540:26:58

-# Until I'm right at the top

-Oh, yeah

0:26:580:27:02

# It's a mighty long way You might not get there today

0:27:020:27:05

# But I'll keep trying forever And maybe together

0:27:050:27:10

# We'll make it right to the top

0:27:100:27:13

# It's a mighty long way You might not get there today

0:27:240:27:27

# But I'll keep trying forever And maybe together

0:27:270:27:32

# We'll make it right to the top

0:27:320:27:35

# Yeah, right at the top. #

0:27:350:27:40

APPLAUSE AND CHEERS

0:27:400:27:44

# Almost famous and it's killing me

0:27:460:27:51

# I'm one step off from where I gotta be... #

0:27:510:27:55

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:27:570:28:00

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0:28:000:28:04

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