Robots Nuzzle and Scratch: Frock and Roll


Robots

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# Here we are - Nuzzle and Scratch

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# Best by far - Nuzzle and Scratch

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-# We'll alpacas from the Andes

-With hooves instead of handies

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# No two others can match Nuzzle and Scratch

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# Nuzzle and Scratch! #

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# I'm doin' nothin'

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# Cos then at least I'm doin' nothin' wrong

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# And I'm gon' stay in on my own... #

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DANCE MUSIC

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MUSIC: "Barnacle Bill"

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I don't KNOW this one, Scratch!

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Yeah, but I like this.

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Ooh. One of my favourite tunes.

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DANCE MUSIC

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MUSIC: "Barnacle Bill"

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NUZZLE SIGHS

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THEY LAUGH

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-What are you doing, Captain?

-You were doing a funny dance!

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-No, no. No, I wasn't.

-MUSIC STOPS

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Right. Chop, chop, you two.

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The twins will be here soon.

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I wonder what they'll want to dress as today.

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-Today they want to be robots.

-Oh, brilliant!

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I love robots. Don't you, Nuzzle?

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Yeah, love 'em.

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Any idea what robots are?

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-No.

-No.

-No, didn't think so.

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There we go. Right. Robots.

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Ooh.

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CRACKLE

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Wish I could be a robot.

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I'm the fancy-dress genie. Your wish is my command!

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Oh, brilliant!

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I want to be all shiny and made out of metal.

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THEY ALL LAUGH Flower!

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Flowers aren't shiny and made out of metal!

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Whoopsie! I had a genie jam there. Let's try again.

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One robot costume coming right up.

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That's better. Thanks.

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And you'll need a funny robot voice!

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-ROBOT VOICE:

-Thank you, Mr Genie.

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That's it! Now you're a robot!

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-ROBOT VOICE: Robots!

-Robots!

-'Robots can do anything.'

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Almost anything.

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There you are in a fancy-dress costume for a fancy-dress party.

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-Hm!

-Wow!

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The twins are going to love dressing up as robots!

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-ROBOT VOICE: They will!

-They will!

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Yes, they will. If you two could find the costumes,

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-I'll open up the shop.

-Aye, aye, Captain.

-OK.

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# Dressing up is fun

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# You could be anyone

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-# A monkey

-Or a queen

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# Every costume you can dream

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# Everybody knows that wearing different clothes is fun

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# Dressing up is fun... #

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-Boo!

-Oh!

-Ha-ha!

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-Boo!

-Oh!

-Ha-ha-ha!

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-# Dressing up

-Dressing up

-Dressing up

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# Just pass them to me

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-# Dressing up

-Dressing up

-Dressing up

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# Is very groovy

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-# Dressing up Dressing up

-Dressing up

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# So raise your hoovie

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# If you know what you'll wear today

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# What will you wear today? #

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HARP RIPPLES

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-Heh-heh-heh.

-BOTH: We're robots!

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-Found those costumes yet?

-ROBOT VOICE: We have!

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Good. The twins'll be here soon.

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Oh, crumbs!

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-ROBOT VOICE:

-Problem, Captain?

-The hold's empty, lads.

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-We're out of sponge fingers.

-BOTH: No sponge fingers?

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Yes. You know how I like my sponge fingers with my tea.

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Why don't you go to the sponge-finger shop? Get some more.

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-Aye-aye, Captain!

-BOTH: We're on our way.

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THEY LAUGH

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-DOOR OPENS

-Ooh!

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Ooh, I say! You'd...

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Oh, well. Two alpacas dressed as robots, gone to buy sponge fingers?

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What could possibly go wrong?

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-ROBOT VOICE:

-Sponge fingers. Robots love sponge fingers.

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-Robot Nuzz...

-And Robot Scratch...

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Are heading to the sponge-finger shop.

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THEY LAUGH

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BEEP-BEEP

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Did you hear that, Scratch?

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Yeah. Sounds like another robot to me, Nuzz. I'll look closer.

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Robot vision to maximum magnification.

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-Ha-ha!

-Ooh!

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THEY LAUGH

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Ohh! That's definitely another robot!

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-Oh! Let's say hello, then.

-Let's!

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-THEY LAUGH

-Robot!

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Hello, bot!

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Greetings, robot. I am Scratch-o-bot.

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And I am Nuzzle-bot. What is your name?

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Nuzzle, Scratch! It's me, Dan! Dan Van Man.

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-Oh!

-Oh, no! Has this robot eaten you?

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No! Ha-ha! But a couple of robots like you could help me.

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Oh, it's you! We'll help you, Dan Van Man!

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Yeah! We're robots and robots can do anything.

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Yeah. Watch this, please. Zzz. Zzz. Zzzzz.

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AIR BLOWS

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Ha-ha-ha.

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Very good! Very good!

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-What else can robots do?

-This!

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AIR BLOWS

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Ha-ha-ha!

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I see.

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-Very good, Robot Scratch.

-Yeah, very good, Robot Scratch.

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Can robots wash vans?

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Yeah, that's easy for robots.

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Great! I need my van to be extra specially squeaky clean

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-for my next delivery.

-We'll clean it!

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Just one thing - how do you clean a van?

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DAN LAUGHS

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-First, get the van really wet.

-OK. Get the van really wet.

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Yeah. Come on. Vanny wetty. Wetty vanny.

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Not with your tongue! With the hose!

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-HE LAUGHS

-Not with your nose!

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With the hose!

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Have you any idea what he's talking about?

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-That long green thing there!

-No idea.

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-Of course. That long green thing.

-Leave it to us.

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-We'll make your van extra specially squeaky clean.

-Thank you, robots!

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-Right. Nuzzle-bot, I'll get the long green thing.

-OK.

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I'll look for a getting-the-van-wet button on my robot suit.

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Yeah, OK.

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Okey-dokey. One long green thing. OK. Here we go. OK.

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Er... Oh. It's not making the van very wet, Scratch-o-bot.

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No.

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Maybe it's broken.

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Get rid of it. I'll try that other long green thing over there instead.

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OK. One long green thing.

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Well done, Scratch-o-bot.

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-Could you bring it closer to the van, please?

-Certainly.

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-Hey!

-Oh! Hello, Dan Van Man. Have you come to help us?

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No, you're pulling on my braces!

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Oh, yeah! Sorry. Have them back.

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No, don't let go! Whoa!

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-Whoopsie.

-What are you doing down there?

-You can't laze around all day!

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-You've to get ready for your delivery!

-And we've a van to clean.

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-Come on, Scratch-o-bot.

-Have you seen a long green thing?

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The hose? It's there.

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Ah, yes. The long green thing. What a helpful van man Dan Van Man is.

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Come on.

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Ha-ha! One long green thing.

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Yeah. Well done, Scratch-o-bot. Let's try it.

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Ha-ya-ya-bah!

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Huggy-be-oh-oh-wah!

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-Oh, it's not making the van very wet, is it?

-No.

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Let's see if Dan Van Man knows what's wrong with it.

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Oh, yes. He is very helpful. THEY LAUGH

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-Come on. Dan!

-Dan!

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Hey, Dan Van Man. This isn't working.

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-Well, have you turned on the tap?

-Tap, eh?

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-Tap.

-Thank you, Mr Dan Van Man. You're ever so helpful.

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Scratch-o-bot, tap on!

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I press this one and it'll make the van clean.

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-OH! I'M REALLY WET!

-Oh! Oh! Oh!

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-I'M SOAKING WET!

-Oh, dear. I know!

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We can clean YOU, too!

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Look! Dan Van Man is having a nice shower.

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-Hey, you can always rely on us!

-That's what the captain always says!

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Right, time to get you dry.

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-AIR BLASTS

-Look at that!

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THEY LAUGH

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Blow, blow!

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-CHILDREN SHOUTING

-I'll be with you in a...

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There you go. Thanks very much.

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Would you like a bag?

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Have a lovely party.

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Oh. Peace at last!

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Ah.

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BOTH: Hello, Captain.

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Hello, twins.

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-We've come for our costumes.

-Yeah. Where are they?

-Good question.

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(Nuzzle, Scratch, where are you?)

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-Next job, bubbles.

-Yeah!

-Yeah, bubbles!

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Make some bubbles and rub them over the van with a sponge.

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There's no "make bubbles" button on my costume.

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You don't need robot buttons. Just squeeze a little bubble mixture

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into the water.

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-Just a small drop, mind.

-That's easy.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Leave the bubble-making to us.

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-Remember, just a small drop of bubble mixture.

-Yes, yes.

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Just a small drop. We know that bit!

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-He's all worry, worry, that Dan Van Man.

-He is!

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Right, bubble mixture.

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SQUELCH

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THEY LAUGH Scratch, you made a funny noise!

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-Let me have a go.

-OK, here you go.

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SQUELCH

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THEY LAUGH

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Go on, have another go! Go on!

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SQUELCH

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THEY LAUGH

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It's a funny burping bottle!

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-Oh, no. It's all gone.

-Don't worry - we've got loads of lovely bubbles.

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To make the van nice and clean.

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To help make it extra specially SQUEAKY clean!

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Ha-ha! Squeaky, squeaky.

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# Helping out is fun Getting something done

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# Get set go and don't be slow We've only just begun

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# Whatever we may do There's laughter all day through

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# We must confess we make a mess when trying something new

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# Helping is fun

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# Helping is fun

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# Helping is fun

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# Getting stuff done

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# We're helping out with glee That's our guarantee

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-# A chuckle makes a happy place as both of us agree. #

-Yes!

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# Helping is fun! #

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Oh, look! What's that? Is it a robot?

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No. That is a bubble-bot.

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Ooh, I like him. Do you want help, bubble-bot?

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Oh! Oh, Dan!

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-It's you!

-Ha-ha!

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I like your costume, Dan Van Man! And I love your hairdo - very nice!

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You're meant to be cleaning my van, not my head!

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It's no trouble! Robots can do anything!

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Play with this.

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Well done, Nuzz. Now stand back, please.

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Heh-heh!

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AIR BLOWS

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Ha-ha-ha!

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Bubbles be gone! Bubbles go!

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Heh-heh-heh!

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Ha-ha-ha! Please could you scrub my back now?

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That's normally the captain's job.

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Yeah, the captain's ever so good at scrubbing my back.

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I wonder how he is!

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Probably having a whale of a time with the twins.

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Down a bit. Yeah, that's it! Oh, you're there!

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-Where are our costumes?

-I know they're here somewhere.

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My two faithful assistants Nuzzle and Scratch are probably...

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making sure they are perfect!

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-We want our costumes.

-Yes! Yes, of course you do! It's ridiculous!

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I'll just go and see... Stay there.

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I am Nuzzle-bot!

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I am Scratch-o-bot! Ha-ha!

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PHONE RINGS

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I'll get it.

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I'm sure I've got a phone on here somewhere.

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Don't worry, Nuzz, I've got this!

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Robot hologram phone engage!

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-Wow!

-Nuzzle, Scratch, is that you?

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Coming through loud and clear on the hologram phone.

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-On the what?

-The hologram phone!

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-I can see you on Scratch's robot tummy!

-Where are you?!

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-We're helping Dan the Van Man clean his van.

-Well, hurry up.

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I need those costumes fast.

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It shouldn't take long. Robots are very good at cleaning vans.

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-Don't forget the sponge fingers.

-OK.

-Bye.

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Come on, Nuzzle-bot, let's clean this van.

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I wish I'd talked to the captain on MY tummy.

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Right, now the van needs a good polish to make it really shiny.

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Just polish the van with a polishing cloth, like this.

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Polish on, polish off.

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-Oh!

-See?

-Yeah, polish on...

-Yeah, and polish off.

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-Got it!

-I've got lots to do. Here's the cloth.

-Thank you.

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-ROBOTIC VOICE: I have got the cloth, Scratch-o-bot!

-Me, too, Nuzzle-bot!

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-I'll hold it.

-No, it's fine.

-I

-will!

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-I

-will.

-No,

-I

-would like to hold it!

-I

-will!

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-It is MY cloth!

-No,

-I

-want it, Scratch!

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Ah-hah! The polishing cloth! Good catch!

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This is a very good polishing cloth!

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Shiny shiny! So-o shiny!

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Look at that! I can see my own reflection in your head!

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-Hey!

-No, no need to thank me. All part of the service!

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You're as shiny as the van, shiny-van, Dan Van Man.

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I can't seem to find the polishing attachment on my costume.

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Well, let ME try!

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There we go, Nuzzle-bot!

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Thank you!

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-What are you going to use?

-I'm going to use this.

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My special furball polisher!

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Let's polish!

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Right, I'm ready for my delivery. How's the van polish...?

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-I'll polish your face!

-Yeah, we're finished!

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There you go - extra specially squeaky clean.

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There you go - extra specially squeaky clean.

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You've done a great job, thank you, guys!

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You're very welcome, Mr Dan Van Man!

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Come, Nuzzle-bot, our work here is done!

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-Bye, Dan Van Man!

-Bye, Dan Van Man!

-Bye, Nuzzle! Bye, Scratch!

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See ya! Bye!

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Guess what! I think I've found the jet-pack button on my costume!

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-Let's use it to fly back to the shop!

-Ready?

-Yes, I am!

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-Nothing on my costume works!

-Perhaps we should take it back to the shop?

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-But we ARE taking it back to the shop!

-Oh, yes!

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Come on!

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CROAKING

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-BOTH: Time's up, Captain!

-But...

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-Nuzzle!

-Scratch! NUZZLE AND SCRATCH: Twins!

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-Here are your costumes!

-Thank you, Scratch!

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-Thank you, Nuzzle!

-Toodle-oo!

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-Bye!

-Bye!

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Oh! Phew!

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I hope the twins enjoy their costumes.

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-I'm sure they will! I know WE did!

-Ha-ha! Yeah, we did!

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-Hey, sponge finger, Captain?

-I should say so.

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Mm. Worth waiting for.

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Boo!

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-Oh, Captain!

-He fell down!

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