Episode 1 Officially Amazing

# Officially, officially, officially

# Amazing! #

Hello, and welcome to the shiny new series of Officially Amazing,

the show that guarantees to bring you the biggest, barmiest

and best records from around the world.

But I can't do this on my own. Oh, no.

I need international help.

-Hey!

-Konnichiwa!

Welcome to Britain, team.

Are you ready to deliver some top-class,

world-record-breaking entertainment?

-Absolutely.

-Yes, Ben.

Smashing!

Here's what's coming up on this series.

But we start with this...

Every year, three juggernauts of world record breaking unite

in a secret bunker to compete against each other

in world record challenges that you can try at home.

From Japan, the Beast From The East.

Mr Cherry!

From the USA,

the mini marvel that is US Ray.

And from a short bus ride away,

the complex enigma we know as Sizzling Steve.

Last series, Mr Cherry took the title of

officially competitive champion, for the second time.

Can he ever be beaten?

There's only one way to find out.

This is...

We're kicking things off in the type of austere manner

to which we've become accustomed,

with a record that will see our competitors reach for the top...

with their bottoms.

Take it away, Mr Cherry.

OK. I'm hipster.

Mm. Boo! Boo! Boo! Ah, boo! Boo! Boo!

Yes, today our competitors will be attempting the world record

for the...

Ray, Cherry and Steve must work their gluteus to the maximus

and travel 20 metres as fast as they can

using only the power of their bottoms.

But before the bum-bouncing battle begins,

it's time to enter the minds of our gladiators.

-Team USA is back, what's up, man?

-Hey, what's going on?

How you feeling? I feel great.

Are you ready to break some records this year?

We're taking home the number one.

OK, now the bum scoot. How do you get into your zone?

You just focus.

Have a seat and then you just scoot away to victory.

This bum is about to get covered in glory

and I'm going to be here to watch.

-US Ray.

-All the way.

All day, baby.

Team USA, talking nonsense as usual.

Here's last year's triumphant third placer, Steve.

Last time round, it was a bit of a trouncing.

Well, they were guests in our country.

I tried to give them the advantage, but they just abused it.

So, what you're saying is, you lost on purpose to be hospitable?

Exactly.

Our hopes and dreams are with you.

Go and do this for Queen and country.

I will.

Yeah, good luck with that, Steve.

Don't forget this man.

You are double Officially Competitive world champion.

Are you confident that you can win again?

-TRANSLATION:

-Of course, love. Why do you think I'm here?

I says, why do you think I'm here?

Number one.

What is the secret for speedy bum scoot?

Bum power.

-TRANSLATION:

-Bum power.

Thank you, Mr Cherry. And good luck.

-Bum power.

-TRANSLATION:

-Bum power.

Before that bum power is unleashed, we must of course observe the rules.

Competitors must stay in a sitting position,

with only their feet and bums touching the ground.

And if you want to try it, you will need...

But let's get ready to BUMBLE.

It gives me great pleasure to declare Officially Competitive

officially...open!

THEY CHEER

Please, please.

Get your rears into gear, boys.

US Ray's up first.

Three...two...one...go.

Oh, go on, Ray.

'And Ray's bum is off.

'He is surely the favourite

'when it comes to this kind of physical challenge.'

You are right, Ben.

His little rear is built for speed.

Big push, big push, big push.

'Give it one last tush, Ray.

'Bounce those buttocks for America.'

Nice!

That one felt good, definitely.

A solid start from Ray, but don't underestimate Cherry's bum power.

Are you ready to win, Cherry-san? Yoshi is happy?

Happy, happy!

London Bridge!

Mr Cherry going for the traditional

London Bridge warm-up technique there.

So popular with modern-day bum scooters.

Over to you, Shantha.

Heh.

Three...two...one...go.

'Cherry's gone off like a rocket!

'Has he hidden a turbo booster up his bottom?

'No, Ben. He's using his mighty arms

'to drive his double-champion cheeks to glory.'

Go on, Cherry. Go on, my crumpet.

Come on.

Oh, no. This looks good.

It looked fast, but was it under 20.41 seconds?

Heathrow.

THEY LAUGH

Wow, Mr Cherry travelled from

London Bridge to Heathrow Airport on his bottom.

I've never seen anything like it.

After witnessing two impressively runny bums,

Steve knows he must be at his athletic peak to win.

Unfortunately, this is Steve's athletic peak.

-'What can Steve muster?'

-Three...two...one...go.

Come on, Sizzler.

-Let's sizzle for me.

-Go, Steve.

Go on, Steve. Come on, that's it. That's it.

-All right.

-Dig those heels in, Steve.

Fact alert, Steve's wearing four pairs of underpants

to protect his botty from bruises.

He's chosen safety over speed.

Halfway there, Steve, come on, you've got this.

No, Ben. He hasn't got this.

-Come on, come on. Don't give up now.

-Come on, Steve.

Steve.

Steve.

Come on, Steve. That's it.

The last bit, come on.

I think the record's gone, but there's still pride at stake, Steve.

Come on. Yes, Steve. Yes, Steve. Yes, Steve.

Come on, last bit.

THEY CHEER

An heroic attempt from Steve.

Heroic, but slow.

We've seen three bottoms in action.

Have they broken a record or just broken wind?

20.41 seconds the target.

Shantha, please tell us the bottom line.

Do we have a world record today?

No.

Oh!

But not to fear because there's still the all-important

Officially Competitive point to play for.

Please, give us the result, Shantha.

In third place, with a time of 51.03 seconds...

More than double the world record.

..was...

Steve.

-THEY GROAN

-I didn't see that one coming.

And in first place,

with a time of 25.08 seconds,

was...

..Mr Cherry!

THEY CHEER

Up! Up! Hip! Up! Up!

Familiar scenes as Mr Cherry's resourceful rear claims

victory for Japan.

But he was just 0.15 seconds quicker than Ray.

So close!

One event down and it's business as usual for Cherry.

Now though, it's all kicking off.

Very occasionally I like to refer to Sizzling Steve as a ninja.

That usage of the word is incorrect in every way. Observe.

This is Sizzling Steve.

And this is an actual ninja.

But who is our secret samurai?

Meet Chloe Bruce. She's a fourth dan black belt

in the extreme martial art of Tang Soo Do.

And a professional stuntwoman.

She's worked on Hollywood films including Harry Potter,

Guardians Of The Galaxy

and Star Wars: The Force Awakens!

Chloe's going to attempt the record for most scorpion kicks

in one minute.

Which looks like this.

Standing on one leg while the other comes up behind your head and...

Oof!

..kicks a pad.

But first I want to find out about being Daisy Ridley's stunt double

from the woman who basically is Rey.

Chloe Bruce, it is fantastic to meet you.

Thank you very much.

What's it like when you see Star Wars

and you kind of think, "That was me."

That was the one movie I wanted to work on.

To the home audience, they don't obviously know,

-they just think it's Daisy the whole way through.

-Mm.

But inside I know what parts I did, it's amazing.

Chloe, today you're attempting a record

for the most scorpion kicks in a minute.

-The minimum requirement is 30.

-That's correct.

-That's one every two seconds.

-Yeah.

-That's a lot of kicking.

-It is.

My aim is to start off quicker,

because I will naturally die off towards the end.

-I hope you get it.

-Thank you very much.

Here are the rules.

Chloe must kick a pad held at head height or above.

Only full contact kicks will count.

And after each kick, her foot must return to the floor.

This is such a physically demanding record

that Chloe can only manage one attempt.

So, she has to make it count.

Fortunately, she has a helper.

-Chloe, are you ready for this?

-I am.

OK, well, in the name of sci-fi fandom, I do have to say,

"REY the force be with you". Eh? Eh?

She loves it really.

Mark, it's over to you.

For the record.

Three...two...one...go.

Chloe's off at an incredible pace.

Just like she planned it.

Just look at the effort going into every kick.

You can actually see the power pulsing through her muscles.

Oh, that kick touched the top of the pad.

Will it count as full contact?

Come on.

This is incredibly hard work for Chloe.

But let's not forget how scary it is for me.

Mind the money-maker.

Argh!

That's it.

'Chloe's really tiring now.

'She's having to dig so deep with every kick.'

Five...four...three...

two...one.

Time.

Yes!

High five! That was excellent.

You really, really pushed it right till the end.

Yeah, the last 10, 15 seconds...

Like, it felt like my leg had doubled in weight.

Do you know how you did?

I started off counting and then the more pain I was getting I was like,

"I don't care. Just get through this minute."

Well, I certainly felt her presence.

My hand is killing me.

But were Chloe's scorpion kicks light-speedy enough

to break the record?

To find out, we must turn to the Mark-side.

All right Mark, what are her results?

Well, in order for a scorpion kick to count

it had to be a full strike of the pad.

We did have to disqualify a couple of kicks.

No!

Chloe's had two kicks disqualified.

Will that cost her?

You needed 30 to get the record today.

You achieved...

..39!

So, that's a brand-new Guinness World Record title!

And she's done it.

Like a true Jedi, Chloe has kicked her way into the record books.

Now, I need a cup of tea and a lie down.

So, it's over to Al and Haruka.

Meet American daredevil Brian Miser.

I love this guy already!

What an outfit!

So, what's he going to do?

Shoot from the crossbow as I fly like Superman.

What?

It sounded like he said he was going to shoot from a crossbow

and fly like Superman.

Yeah, that's what he's doing.

OK...

but this informative graphic seems wrong.

It looks like he's on fire.

Oh, I forgot that.

He will be on fire.

What?!

So, Brian is going to set himself on fire

and then shoot himself from a giant crossbow?

That's right, Al.

It's the record for...

Madness.

And just how far will he be catapulted?

26 metres.

Oh, that's too long.

Of course it's too long.

He'll be on fire.

He's wearing fireproof clothes.

But obviously none of us should try this anywhere. Ever.

Don't you worry, Haruka.

I'd never...

Whoa! Whoa! He's on fire!

And he's gone!

Wow!

That's the most amazing things I've ever seen in my life.

Absolutely extraordinary.

That is a weird firefighter's uniform, though.

Yes, but more importantly did he fly further than 26 metres?

31.87 metres.

You have set a brand-new Guinness World Record!

Yes! He's done it!

Incredible.

Join us next time for more remarkable records like these.

# Well, the competitors are back and they took to the track

# With their bottoms in top gear

# Cherry came up trumps With his speedy rump

# While the Sizzler Was bringing up the rear

# Chloe's ninja skills may Be from a galaxy far, far away

# But her incredible scorpion kicking

# Had adjudicator Mark's clicker clicking

# And Bri flew through the sky Like a flaming arrow

# But here come the rubbish bits The outtakes! #

I need international help.

-Hey!

-Hello, Ben.

Oh, I said it in English. Sorry!

THEY LAUGH

But who is our secret samurai?

Oh, dear.

Clear the frame, everyone, please. Quickly.

Keep rolling, keep rolling. Everyone.

Everyone.