Episode 2 Officially Amazing


Episode 2

Ben, Al and Haruka witness record attempts from around the world. Happy Harry the dog attempts a goal-scoring football record.


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Transcript


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Hello and welcome to Officially Amazing, your number one

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destination for bone-breakingly fantastic world records.

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And, today's include...

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What will this man do with this helicopter?

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Argh!

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Well, he's certainly enjoying himself.

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And our Officially Competitive competitors will be

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blowing their own trumpets.

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Loudly.

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Let's party!

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But first...

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DOG BARKS

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Whoa!

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Here, on Officially Amazing, we love to bring you the most

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talented record-breaking canines the world has to offer.

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In the past, we've had rolling dogs, cycling dogs, scootering dogs,

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skipping dogs and surfing dogs.

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And, now, I give you, a musical mutt!

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And a one and a two and a one, two, three, four!

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PIANO MUSIC PLAYS

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Look at that! And he's not even here to break a musical record.

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This is Happy Harry, the Albert can-Einstein of the dog world.

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As well as playing the piano, he can catch with his paws,

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stack cups and babysit.

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Harry can also play tri-ball,

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a kind of doggy football invented in Germany.

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He'll be using those skills in his record attempt today,

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for the fastest time to put eight balls in a goal by a dog.

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Prepare yourself for some deplorable poochie punning.

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Happy Harry, it's a pleasure to meet you.

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This record attempt is, basically, doggy football.

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Are there are footballers you idolise?

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Well, yes, there's Harry Kane-ine, of course.

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David Barkham, Didier Dogba and Chihuahua Toure.

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Oh, that last one was terrible, even for us. Back to the record.

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During the attempt, Harry will be assisted by his human sidekick,

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Christina.

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Chris, it's great to meet you, welcome to Officially Amazing.

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-Thank you.

-How long has he been practising tri-ball?

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About two years.

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You know, Harry's not the biggest of dogs,

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-does he has problems manoeuvring them?

-He prefers the big ones,

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because he can push his nose almost from underneath and push it along.

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It's a bit of a windy day today, is that going to cause a problem?

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Yeah!

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It's going to be tough, Harry. Here are the rules.

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Happy Harry must get all eight balls from the triangle into the goal,

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Christina can't physically help Harry

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until the ball enters the goalmouth area,

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balls must be pushed into the goal one at a time,

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the ball must stay in play until the goal is scored,

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Harry must not poo on the pitch, in other words, no fouling.

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And he needs to score eight goals in 90 seconds for a new record.

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-Chris, Harry, are you ready?

-Yeah.

-Good luck.

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Three, two, one, go!

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-KLAXON BLARES

-Away!

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'Harry approaches the balls and he's got one!

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'That's some fine dribbling.

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'Oh! And it's a goal!

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CROWD CHEERS

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'Surely, he'll be partnering Spaniel Sturridge up front for England soon?

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'But Harry's having wind problems.

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'Not because he had beans for breakfast, he had sausages, but

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'because some unseasonal gales are making it difficult to keep

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'the ball on the field of play.

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'Which he must do for any attempt to be valid.'

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-Oh!

-Oh!

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It's not great at the moment,

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we're really struggling with the conditions.

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'Plus, this battle with the elements means that Harry is,

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'understandably, beginning to tire.'

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It's time for one last go at this. Come on, Happy Harry, come on!

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'It's now or never. Come on, Harry,

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'let's see you claim a record for the proud canine community.

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Yes, good boy! And another one, come on.

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HE BARKS

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'Skills like these remind me of the legendary Liverpoodle striker,

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'Robbie Growler.'

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-Yes!

-Away!

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'And that's all eight balls in the goal.'

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HE CHEERS

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'But has he cracked that 90 second target to break the record?'

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-That was marvellous.

-Thank you.

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We had the wind to deal with, he was obviously tired there,

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but that was phenomenal.

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Mark, are we right to be pleased with that attempt?

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Time-wise, you had one minute 30 to beat and that was...

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Two minutes and four seconds.

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CROWD GROANS

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Chris, it might not be a record, but it was a brilliant attempt

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and I think Harry deserves a few treats and you deserve a sit down.

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-It was Officially Amazing.

-Thank you very much.

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Oh, no record for Harry, so he's packed up his doggy bag

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and he's off home.

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Now, over to Al and Veruca.

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HE STRAINS

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Oh! Argh!

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You join us in Italy for muscly world record

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attempt by Austrian strong man Franz Mullner.

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Wow, our presenter certainly enjoys a vigorous handshake.

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Let's see how he gets on with Franz.

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You are so powerful.

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Indeed he is.

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Franz is hoping to break his own record for the heaviest

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weight supported on the shoulders, which stands at an awesome 560kg.

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Oh, is that helicopter here to fly him to the hospital,

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when this, inevitably, goes wrong?

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No, Al, that's the weight that will be on his shoulders.

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What, how's that going to work?

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Well, as these bewildering graphics clearly show,

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-Franz will support it with the aid of a special frame.

-Ah, yes.

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And the final weight is calculated as an average taken

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over 30 seconds of bone-bending pressure. Makes perfect sense now.

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And, remember, if you do own a helicopter, do not,

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under any circumstances, try to land it on your friend's shoulders

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or their head or anywhere on their body.

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Franz takes the strain and lifts the frame.

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But how will we know when the helicopter's on his shoulders?

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Argh!

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I think it's on now.

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Look at the physical exertion, it's almost superhuman!

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Argh!

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Can he stand it?

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This man is a copter-carrying colossus.

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Argh!

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Incredible!

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Argh!

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If he pulls this off it'll be nothing short of a miracle.

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He's in agony.

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-Argh!

-Time's up! Was the pain worth it?

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Did he support an average of over 560kg over those 30 seconds?

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Unfortunately, he did not reach 560kg throughout the 30 seconds,

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-so no new world record today.

-Tough luck, Franz,

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but you've certainly earned everyone's admiration and respect.

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You are so powerful.

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And speaking of powerful men...

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BELL DINGS

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Whoo!

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Ah! Whoo! Ha!

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HE CRIES

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Once again, three nations have each sent a record busting brute to a top

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secret location, wherein they try to break records you can try at home.

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From the land of the rising sun, it's Mr Cherry.

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From the land of the free, it's US Ray.

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And from the land of constant drizzle, it's Sizzling Steve.

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This is...

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Go!

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After one event this series, two-time champ Mr Cherry has

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taken an early lead thanks to his prestigious bum speed.

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Up! Up! Ah!

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But there was no world record, can they break one today?

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Let's see what they'll be attempting.

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THEY TOOT HORNS

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Today we're going to find out if one of our three heroes can blow away

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the competition and break the record for the most toots on a party

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blower in 30 seconds.

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THEY TOOT

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'It's team talk time. How confident is the Sizzler?'

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This is a very British thing, isn't it, the party blower?

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Do you think that's going to give you the edge?

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Cherry and Ray probably have never seen these before.

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And is there any, kind of, distraction tactics

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that you can use while they're doing this to put them off?

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I don't think so, but things come up.

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-What things come up?

-I don't know.

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You never know, like, a meteor shower or heavy rain.

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Right, so, you're hoping for a natural disaster to

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-disrupt their record attempt?

-Fingers crossed, yeah.

-Right, OK.

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With Steve pinning victory on a shower of meteors falling

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inside a sealed bunker, let's see how Cherry rates his chances.

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How would you describe your technique?

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Now, my technique is to blow through the mouth as hard as I can,

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never through the nose.

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Fine words from Mr Cherry, but Ray has totally got this one covered.

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Give me a blow.

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HE TOOTS

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Blow up! Blow down!

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Let me get a double toot.

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Let me get a double toot!

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Oh, Ray, that's world-class, man.

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Yeah!

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Wise word from Ray.

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HE TOOTS

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Time now for the rules.

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Only full toots will count for this record.

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That is when the party blower tongue is fully inflated

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and then fully deflated.

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Party blowers must measure at least 22cm when extended

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and the target for this new world record is ten toots in 30 seconds.

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Ten in 30? Now there's a record that's asking to be shattered.

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The party's in full swing in the bunker.

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Even official adjudicator Shantha can't help but join in.

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Hm.

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Anyway, Ray's up first.

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KLAXON BLARES

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Go!

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HE TOOTS

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'Go, Ray. My couch coaching is definitely paying off.'

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'And Ray is super fit.

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'His inflated lungs may well be larger than Steve's entire torso.'

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'Look at that technique!

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'Way to blow, little man.'

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'I'm sure I've counted more than ten toots, Ray's making this look easy.'

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Stop!

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All right! Yeah! You've got this, man.

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RAY SIGHS

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-BOTH:

-US RAY!

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'Ray got the party started, but now Mr Cherry will show them

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'how it's really done.

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'Toot-suite!

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-Let's party!

-Go!

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HE TOOTS

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'Here's an unexpected tactic,

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'Mr Cherry is tooting his party blower triumphantly upwards.'

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SHE SPEAKS IN OWN LANGUAGE

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'That's the genius of the man, he can use the laws of gravity

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'to his advantage and openly defy them at the same time.'

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'But, look closely, some of those toots are half toots at best!

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'This could spell abso-toot disaster.'

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KLAXON BLARES

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Stop!

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Whoo!

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'Now it's Steve's turn. Tooty-fruity, my sizzling beauty.

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'And, please, stop that weird dance.

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-Go!

-KLAXON BLARES

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Yes, come on, keep up that pace.

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You know what they say, "blow hard or blow home!"

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-'What?'

-Come on, Steve!

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'Who are THEY and why do they say that?'

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'He's holding the entire room absolutely spellbound.'

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Come on! Yes, yes, yes!

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In, out, in, out, don't shake it about!

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'That is simply astonishing toot speed.

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'That target of ten toots is surely completely blown away.'

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'But is he always achieving 100% roll back?

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'Accuracy is as vital as speed.'

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-KLAXON BLARES

-Stop!

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Yes! Yes, Sizzler!

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Deflated as usual, but good for me, Steve.

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Shantha must now study the slow-mo footage to root out any toots

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that fail to reach full tootage.

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That was awesome, official adjudicator Santha, how did we do?

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I can confirm that all challengers broke the minimum requirements.

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THEY CHEER

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'Wow, shock waves rip through the bunker.

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'Everyone produced more than ten legal toots.'

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Aw, look at that! This is the party that keeps on giving.

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Shantha, tell us, who has blown their way into the record books

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and claimed the all-important Competitive point?

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In third place...

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was Ray, with 52.

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HE SIGHS

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'Ray's in third! Has Mr Cherry done it again?'

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And in first place with 97 toots...

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-..was Steve!

-Yes!

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THEY CHEER

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Oh, not too close, Steve!

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Yeah, come on!

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Congratulations, Steve, that's a new Guinness World Record title.

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'Unbelievable!

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'The Sizzler picks up the first world record of the competition.

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'That's already more than he got in the whole of the last series.'

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'He beat Cherry by just 11 toots.'

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'Dance freely, Steve.

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'You are tied at the top of the leader board with

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'Mr Cherry, Ray has yet to score.'

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-'It's still early days.

-Whatever!

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'There will be more record breaking amazingness next time, like this...'

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# Well, what do you know

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# Steve really did blow the competition away

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# Cherry's technique was quite unique

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# And they both tooted more than Ray

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# Happy Harry wasn't quick enough

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# But then the weather was quite rough

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# And did you know that Ben had a go?

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-# Was he any better?

-No

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# And Franz came a cropper with a chopper... #

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Argh!

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# And here comes the rubbish bit

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# The outtakes. #

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And are there any managers you'd never work for?

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HARRY PANTS

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That was awesome. Official adjudicator...

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THEY LAUGH

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I knew it!

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Just to confirm, you don't need me at all?

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BEN SIGHS

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-Do you have any record breaking talents?

-Hm, no.

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Ben Shires, Haruka Kuroda and Al Jackson witness Officially Amazing records from around the world. Happy Harry the dog attempts a goal-scoring doggie-football record. A man tries to support the weight of an entire helicopter on his shoulders. Also, Mr Cherry, Sizzling Steve and US Ray blow their own trumpets in a party blower challenge.


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