Episode 10 Officially Amazing

# Officially, officially Officially amazing! #

My name is Benjaminus Johnus Shiresius,

commander of the armies of Officially Amazing,

general of the record-breaking legions,

servant to the one true Emperor, Sizzling Steve...ius,

and I will have my world records in this show or the next.

CHEERING PARP!

Er...excusius me.

Here's what's coming up on today's show.

What will these acrobats do with this seesaw?

And our three fearless warriors

showcase their legendary laundry skills.

But first, let's reacquaint ourselves with

the very trustiest of trusty steeds.

Ha!

Ya! Ya! Ya!

Yaargh!

Oh! Ow!

The noble Shires horse has returned in honour of today's equine record.

Oh, he jumps!

Ah, he drinks tea!

And, oh, he wees.

Dirty boy.

Oh, Shires horse, you gallant, graceful stallion.

Right, that's about as good as it's going to get.

-Let's leave this to the professionals.

-Can I come out yet?

Don't break the magic. Bottoms can't talk!

We're at the Royal Armouries in Leeds,

where today, we're meeting awesome horseman, Ben Atkinson.

Ben is a world-class stunt rider and, your mum might like to know,

performed stunts for TV series Poldark.

He's also an expert at Roman riding.

That's riding two horses at once, while standing up.

And today, he's attempting a brand-new, highly-risky record -

the highest jump whilst Roman riding.

Presumably, these horses are tied together and it's all...

No. We work off the principle of a free horse is a happy horse.

We keep the horses completely loose, especially going over the jump,

cos one horse might take off earlier than the next.

Wow. OK. So, Ben, this is a skill that requires very special horses,

so which are the two you've chosen today?

So the two horses we're going to use today are called Felix and Frank.

They'll be happy to meet me, right?

Er...yeah, they should be.

This is Frank and this is Felix.

Now, fellas, are you excited about today's record attempt?

Very excited, Ben Shires.

Couldn't be more delighted.

Then why the long faces?

-SIGH

-That is dreadful.

I can't believe he went there.

-Can we just get to the rules?

-Yeah.

A valid attempt must see Ben's feet

remain on each horse after

the jump has been completed.

The target for this new world record is a height of one metre,

but Ben has bravely decided to set the jump even higher,

at one metre and eight centimetres.

This is an extremely dangerous record.

As an experienced stunt rider,

Ben has chosen not to wear a helmet, because a fall could result in

the strap catching on one of the horses and causing serious injury.

Do not try anything like this yourself.

Three stallions primed and ready for a record attempt.

-Ben, how are the horses?

-Yeah, they're doing really well.

Felix is on form, Frank's a bit lazy, but that's big Frank for you.

You hear that, Frank? I want the head in the game, yes?

-OK, Ben.

-Yes.

So, final preparations, then.

This record is so risky that Ben is practising while seated,

to try and get Frank and Felix used to the jump.

But Frank is struggling to clear that bar.

That was much better, though.

And so, after just that one clearance in practice,

Ben has bravely decided they're ready to go.

Can he guide formidable Frank and fearless Felix

over the jump, to record-breaking glory?

Oh, lovely!

And they're over. Magnificent.

No horsing around there.

And, look, Frank leapt fractionally after Felix,

but Ben was still able to expertly maintain his balance to land safely.

That was high-class horse hurdling.

My heart was in my mouth a little bit.

Tell you what, if it was nerve-racking from where you were,

it was downright terrifying where I was, to be honest with you.

Well done for landing it and for looking so in control

and calm. And the horses are fine.

Mark, was it a valid record attempt, first?

It was a valid attempt.

You set the bar at one metre, eight centimetres,

so that is a brand-new Guinness World Records title.

-Congratulations.

-Yes!

Congratulations, Ben, Frank and Felix.

A titanic triumvirate.

And now for some more ludicrous leaping, but without horses.

CHEERING

Oh! Urrrgh.

Ow.

-HARUKA:

-Get ready for something incredible.

-AL:

-Whoa!

Now that was a slick trick with a pogo stick.

So, what's the record here?

Something absolutely spectacular?

-Well...

-Yes?

-..Anastasia's hoping to set a record...

-Yes?

-..for sitting in a chair.

-OK...?

But that doesn't sound hugely exciting.

No, until you realise that

the chair will be right up there.

So, she's going to stand

-on that seesaw...

-Yes.

..and those two men are going to

-jump down on the other end...

-Yes.

-..fling her into the air...

-Yeah.

..and she'll hopefully land on

that chair on the end of that pole,

which is held by a man balancing on

another pole, held by another man?

-That's right.

-Well...good luck to everybody involved in that...

The existing record for the highest seesaw jump into a chair

is seven metres.

Anastasia is going for 7.15 metres.

And she must land in a sitting position to claim the record.

And here she goes.

Seesaw Marjorie...

Oh, so close.

Yes, Al, she didn't quite land

in a proper sitting position.

Yeah, more on her back than her backside.

But she's on her seesaw

and ready to be launched once more.

Three, two, one,

liftoff.

Yes! Now that is how to sit on a chair in the air.

Congratulations, Anastasia.

She came, seesaw, she conquered.

And now...

DING!

Woo!

Ah-ha-ha! Woo!

Three men who are not Avengers have assembled once more,

to see who is best at breaking records you can try at home.

From Japan, very merry Mr Cherry.

From America, A-OK US Ray.

And from Britain...

Short-sleeved Steve?

This is...

Last time out, Team USA's huge column of dice

dwarfed the efforts of their rivals.

That left Sizzling Steve lying last.

But a win today will make it suitably even Steven.

Well, today, not only could our competitors claim a world record,

they could also make their mums and dads very happy indeed with

their expert sock-sorting skills.

Yes, today's record is for the most socks sorted in one minute.

For some reason, though, no-one wants to use my socks.

Here we go, Al.

Nice and fresh.

'Now, the pre-sock pep talks.'

What?

Socks, sorting, speed, Sizzler.

Steve, is this the perfect record attempt for you?

It sounds like it, with all those S's.

It does. But beyond the alliteration,

this surely must be something that you're getting excited about.

I love socks, Ben.

Of course he does, but will he still love them

after US Ray delivers some sock and awe?

What skills do you need to become a world-record sock sorted?

Great laundry skills.

Are there any socks that are easier to sort than others?

The ones with the crazier designs, cos they stand out more.

-All right. You've got this, man. Yeah.

-Woo!

Ray thinks he has this one sorted,

but Cherry's both a sock sorter and a sock importer.

I know that you brought your socks all the way from Japan.

Is that important?

HE SPEAKS JAPANESE

-TRANSLATION WITH YORKSHIRE ACCENT:

-When I got off t'plane at

Leeds Bradford International Airport,

Her Majesty's Customs pulled me over and says,

"Mr Cherry, why have you got so many socks in your bags?"

"Well," I says, "I'm a world champion

"and I need these socks to break another world record."

So they waved me through and here I am.

Stirring sock-based scenes.

But before we sort the socks, let's sort the rules.

The socks can be any colour,

but all pairs must be different.

Pairs must be separated and then mixed before the attempt begins.

Matching socks must be paired securely and placed in a receptacle.

And the record to beat is 20 pairs in one minute.

Contestants can choose how many pairs to try and sort.

The fewer the pairs, the easier the task,

but Ray's gone for...30?

Three, two, one, go.

But that's ten more than he needs to break the record.

Can Ray really sort all 60 socks in 60 seconds?

Has he bitten off more socks than he can chew?

Look how easy this is for you, Ray. Let's go. Only 20 seconds gone.

'Well, he is starting to find a few pairs in that

'giant tangle of toe warmers.'

Oh, but that pair missed the basket.

Sock waves rip through the bunker.

It won't count towards his total.

Ray is definitely struggling with this huge jumble of socks.

-Yes, he simply chose too many.

-Five, four...

-He's chock-a-block with socks.

-..three...

-He's lost in a sea of socks.

-..two, one, stop!

All right. All right. Hey, that was a tough run.

Looks like Ray was taken to the cleaners by his own hosiery.

Time for Mr Cherry to sock and load.

Go.

Cherry's wisely chosen just 24 pairs of socks.

He has a much smaller pile to sort than Ray.

He is marrying those socks like they were born to be with each other,

which, I suppose, they were.

Mr Cherry believes his kneeling stance gets him closer to the socks

and may just give him the edge.

Yes, it's fine margins at this level of sock sorting.

Sensational socks.

I mean scenes. No, I mean socks.

Five, four, three, two, one,

stop.

Impressive, but Sizzling Steve, the superstar sock jockey, is up next.

Go.

Steve has an advantage going last here.

He knows the score he has to beat

and has chosen 25 pairs.

That's one more than Cherry.

Pair them all and he will be sock-torious.

Oh, that pair only just made it.

That could have been a real sock setback.

But look at this,

a pair of union Jack socks.

What a patriot.

Brings a tear to the eye.

Yes, Steve knows that bright socks make easier matches.

Look at him teaming those toe huggers.

Sock-cess!

He's going to pair all 25.

The win should be his, but has he paired them all securely?

Still time for a quick check.

Oh, give me a hug!

He could have gone on and on.

Well, we've seen three special spectacles of house husbandry,

but just who is our lord of the laundry?

Do we have a new world-record?

-Yes.

-ALL: Oh!

In third place, with seven socks in the basket

was Ray.

In the basket, Ray. The basket.

And the winner, with 25 pairs of socks,

is Steve!

CHEERING

TRIUMPHANT MUSIC

A new world-record title!

CHEERING

Doesn't it sock to be them?

MUSIC SLOWS TO A STOP

-What?

-What?

-What?

So, the gracious Sizzling Steve rocked the sockosphere,

as he out-sorted Cherry by five pairs of socks.

Bringing the scores dead level, at three all.

Tune in next time for more authentic awesomeness like this.

# Well, it's too easy, of course to ride just one horse

# So the amazing Ben rode two

# With Felix and Frank He took the record to the bank

# But this thing is horse poo

# Ray's attempt was a mess

# But we saw sizzling success

# Steve won the speed sock sorting

# But his celebration wasn't very sporting

# And Anastasia reached new heights for sitting down

# But here come the rubbish bits -

# The outtakes! #

I'm here with... Sorry.

Too much projection, darling. Sorry.

BEN SQUEALS

Sorry.

Hang on, can we do that again, cos it's stop then fall, isn't it?