Episode 10 Officially Amazing


Episode 10

Ben, Al and Haruka witness record attempts from around the world. Poldark's expert stunt horse rider Ben Atkinson attempts a horse jump.


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# Officially, officially Officially amazing! #

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My name is Benjaminus Johnus Shiresius,

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commander of the armies of Officially Amazing,

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general of the record-breaking legions,

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servant to the one true Emperor, Sizzling Steve...ius,

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and I will have my world records in this show or the next.

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CHEERING PARP!

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Er...excusius me.

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Here's what's coming up on today's show.

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What will these acrobats do with this seesaw?

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And our three fearless warriors

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showcase their legendary laundry skills.

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But first, let's reacquaint ourselves with

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the very trustiest of trusty steeds.

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Ha!

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Ya! Ya! Ya!

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Yaargh!

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Oh! Ow!

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The noble Shires horse has returned in honour of today's equine record.

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Oh, he jumps!

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Ah, he drinks tea!

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And, oh, he wees.

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Dirty boy.

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Oh, Shires horse, you gallant, graceful stallion.

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Right, that's about as good as it's going to get.

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-Let's leave this to the professionals.

-Can I come out yet?

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Don't break the magic. Bottoms can't talk!

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We're at the Royal Armouries in Leeds,

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where today, we're meeting awesome horseman, Ben Atkinson.

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Ben is a world-class stunt rider and, your mum might like to know,

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performed stunts for TV series Poldark.

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He's also an expert at Roman riding.

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That's riding two horses at once, while standing up.

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And today, he's attempting a brand-new, highly-risky record -

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the highest jump whilst Roman riding.

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Presumably, these horses are tied together and it's all...

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No. We work off the principle of a free horse is a happy horse.

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We keep the horses completely loose, especially going over the jump,

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cos one horse might take off earlier than the next.

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Wow. OK. So, Ben, this is a skill that requires very special horses,

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so which are the two you've chosen today?

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So the two horses we're going to use today are called Felix and Frank.

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They'll be happy to meet me, right?

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Er...yeah, they should be.

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This is Frank and this is Felix.

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Now, fellas, are you excited about today's record attempt?

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Very excited, Ben Shires.

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Couldn't be more delighted.

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Then why the long faces?

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-SIGH

-That is dreadful.

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I can't believe he went there.

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-Can we just get to the rules?

-Yeah.

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A valid attempt must see Ben's feet

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remain on each horse after

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the jump has been completed.

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The target for this new world record is a height of one metre,

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but Ben has bravely decided to set the jump even higher,

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at one metre and eight centimetres.

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This is an extremely dangerous record.

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As an experienced stunt rider,

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Ben has chosen not to wear a helmet, because a fall could result in

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the strap catching on one of the horses and causing serious injury.

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Do not try anything like this yourself.

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Three stallions primed and ready for a record attempt.

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-Ben, how are the horses?

-Yeah, they're doing really well.

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Felix is on form, Frank's a bit lazy, but that's big Frank for you.

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You hear that, Frank? I want the head in the game, yes?

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-OK, Ben.

-Yes.

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So, final preparations, then.

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This record is so risky that Ben is practising while seated,

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to try and get Frank and Felix used to the jump.

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But Frank is struggling to clear that bar.

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That was much better, though.

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And so, after just that one clearance in practice,

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Ben has bravely decided they're ready to go.

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Can he guide formidable Frank and fearless Felix

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over the jump, to record-breaking glory?

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Oh, lovely!

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And they're over. Magnificent.

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No horsing around there.

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And, look, Frank leapt fractionally after Felix,

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but Ben was still able to expertly maintain his balance to land safely.

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That was high-class horse hurdling.

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My heart was in my mouth a little bit.

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Tell you what, if it was nerve-racking from where you were,

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it was downright terrifying where I was, to be honest with you.

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Well done for landing it and for looking so in control

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and calm. And the horses are fine.

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Mark, was it a valid record attempt, first?

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It was a valid attempt.

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You set the bar at one metre, eight centimetres,

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so that is a brand-new Guinness World Records title.

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-Congratulations.

-Yes!

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Congratulations, Ben, Frank and Felix.

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A titanic triumvirate.

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And now for some more ludicrous leaping, but without horses.

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CHEERING

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Oh! Urrrgh.

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Ow.

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-HARUKA:

-Get ready for something incredible.

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-AL:

-Whoa!

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Now that was a slick trick with a pogo stick.

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So, what's the record here?

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Something absolutely spectacular?

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-Well...

-Yes?

-..Anastasia's hoping to set a record...

-Yes?

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-..for sitting in a chair.

-OK...?

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But that doesn't sound hugely exciting.

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No, until you realise that

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the chair will be right up there.

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So, she's going to stand

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-on that seesaw...

-Yes.

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..and those two men are going to

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-jump down on the other end...

-Yes.

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-..fling her into the air...

-Yeah.

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..and she'll hopefully land on

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that chair on the end of that pole,

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which is held by a man balancing on

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another pole, held by another man?

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-That's right.

-Well...good luck to everybody involved in that...

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The existing record for the highest seesaw jump into a chair

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is seven metres.

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Anastasia is going for 7.15 metres.

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And she must land in a sitting position to claim the record.

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And here she goes.

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Seesaw Marjorie...

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Oh, so close.

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Yes, Al, she didn't quite land

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in a proper sitting position.

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Yeah, more on her back than her backside.

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But she's on her seesaw

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and ready to be launched once more.

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Three, two, one,

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liftoff.

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Yes! Now that is how to sit on a chair in the air.

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Congratulations, Anastasia.

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She came, seesaw, she conquered.

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And now...

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DING!

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Woo!

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Ah-ha-ha! Woo!

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Three men who are not Avengers have assembled once more,

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to see who is best at breaking records you can try at home.

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From Japan, very merry Mr Cherry.

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From America, A-OK US Ray.

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And from Britain...

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Short-sleeved Steve?

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This is...

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Last time out, Team USA's huge column of dice

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dwarfed the efforts of their rivals.

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That left Sizzling Steve lying last.

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But a win today will make it suitably even Steven.

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Well, today, not only could our competitors claim a world record,

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they could also make their mums and dads very happy indeed with

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their expert sock-sorting skills.

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Yes, today's record is for the most socks sorted in one minute.

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For some reason, though, no-one wants to use my socks.

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Here we go, Al.

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Nice and fresh.

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'Now, the pre-sock pep talks.'

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What?

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Socks, sorting, speed, Sizzler.

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Steve, is this the perfect record attempt for you?

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It sounds like it, with all those S's.

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It does. But beyond the alliteration,

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this surely must be something that you're getting excited about.

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I love socks, Ben.

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Of course he does, but will he still love them

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after US Ray delivers some sock and awe?

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What skills do you need to become a world-record sock sorted?

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Great laundry skills.

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Are there any socks that are easier to sort than others?

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The ones with the crazier designs, cos they stand out more.

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-All right. You've got this, man. Yeah.

-Woo!

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Ray thinks he has this one sorted,

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but Cherry's both a sock sorter and a sock importer.

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I know that you brought your socks all the way from Japan.

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Is that important?

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HE SPEAKS JAPANESE

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-TRANSLATION WITH YORKSHIRE ACCENT:

-When I got off t'plane at

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Leeds Bradford International Airport,

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Her Majesty's Customs pulled me over and says,

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"Mr Cherry, why have you got so many socks in your bags?"

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"Well," I says, "I'm a world champion

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"and I need these socks to break another world record."

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So they waved me through and here I am.

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Stirring sock-based scenes.

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But before we sort the socks, let's sort the rules.

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The socks can be any colour,

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but all pairs must be different.

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Pairs must be separated and then mixed before the attempt begins.

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Matching socks must be paired securely and placed in a receptacle.

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And the record to beat is 20 pairs in one minute.

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Contestants can choose how many pairs to try and sort.

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The fewer the pairs, the easier the task,

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but Ray's gone for...30?

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Three, two, one, go.

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But that's ten more than he needs to break the record.

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Can Ray really sort all 60 socks in 60 seconds?

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Has he bitten off more socks than he can chew?

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Look how easy this is for you, Ray. Let's go. Only 20 seconds gone.

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'Well, he is starting to find a few pairs in that

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'giant tangle of toe warmers.'

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Oh, but that pair missed the basket.

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Sock waves rip through the bunker.

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It won't count towards his total.

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Ray is definitely struggling with this huge jumble of socks.

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-Yes, he simply chose too many.

-Five, four...

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-He's chock-a-block with socks.

-..three...

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-He's lost in a sea of socks.

-..two, one, stop!

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All right. All right. Hey, that was a tough run.

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Looks like Ray was taken to the cleaners by his own hosiery.

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Time for Mr Cherry to sock and load.

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Go.

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Cherry's wisely chosen just 24 pairs of socks.

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He has a much smaller pile to sort than Ray.

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He is marrying those socks like they were born to be with each other,

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which, I suppose, they were.

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Mr Cherry believes his kneeling stance gets him closer to the socks

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and may just give him the edge.

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Yes, it's fine margins at this level of sock sorting.

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Sensational socks.

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I mean scenes. No, I mean socks.

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Five, four, three, two, one,

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stop.

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Impressive, but Sizzling Steve, the superstar sock jockey, is up next.

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Go.

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Steve has an advantage going last here.

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He knows the score he has to beat

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and has chosen 25 pairs.

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That's one more than Cherry.

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Pair them all and he will be sock-torious.

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Oh, that pair only just made it.

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That could have been a real sock setback.

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But look at this,

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a pair of union Jack socks.

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What a patriot.

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Brings a tear to the eye.

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Yes, Steve knows that bright socks make easier matches.

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Look at him teaming those toe huggers.

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Sock-cess!

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He's going to pair all 25.

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The win should be his, but has he paired them all securely?

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Still time for a quick check.

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Oh, give me a hug!

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He could have gone on and on.

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Well, we've seen three special spectacles of house husbandry,

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but just who is our lord of the laundry?

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Do we have a new world-record?

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-Yes.

-ALL: Oh!

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In third place, with seven socks in the basket

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was Ray.

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In the basket, Ray. The basket.

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And the winner, with 25 pairs of socks,

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is Steve!

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CHEERING

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TRIUMPHANT MUSIC

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A new world-record title!

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CHEERING

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Doesn't it sock to be them?

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MUSIC SLOWS TO A STOP

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-What?

-What?

-What?

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So, the gracious Sizzling Steve rocked the sockosphere,

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as he out-sorted Cherry by five pairs of socks.

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Bringing the scores dead level, at three all.

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Tune in next time for more authentic awesomeness like this.

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# Well, it's too easy, of course to ride just one horse

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# So the amazing Ben rode two

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# With Felix and Frank He took the record to the bank

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# But this thing is horse poo

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# Ray's attempt was a mess

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# But we saw sizzling success

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# Steve won the speed sock sorting

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# But his celebration wasn't very sporting

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# And Anastasia reached new heights for sitting down

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# But here come the rubbish bits -

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# The outtakes! #

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I'm here with... Sorry.

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Too much projection, darling. Sorry.

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BEN SQUEALS

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Sorry.

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Hang on, can we do that again, cos it's stop then fall, isn't it?

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A record involving a seesaw that you won't have seen in your local playground. Our Officially Competitive rivals enter the glamorous world of sock-sorting. Also, Poldark's expert stunt horse rider Ben Atkinson attempts a horse jump. While riding two horses. At the same time. Standing up.


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