Episode 12 Officially Amazing

# Officially, officially, Officially Amazing! #

When I heard that two football freestylers wanted to break

a footie record on the show, I was delighted.

Finally, a chance to prove that I'm not a complete

and utter nincompoop at things.

Beat that.

Showing off, isn't he?

Do I NOT like that?

Guys, can I have my ball back now, please?

We need to be getting on with things.

'Ugh. Coming up...'

It's squelchy surprise record time in the OC bunker.

And these two guys attempt the most perilous way

to walk down the stairs.

But first, it's time for the big match.

Meet football freestylers

Ash Randall and Sean Barnes,

who...OK, might be a little bit better than me.

They've worked with the likes of Wayne Rooney and Fernando Torres.

-How do, mate?

-Hola.

-And they're so good,

they can even football freestyle without a football.

RASPBERRY SOUND EFFECT

Anyway, today Ash and Sean will be attempting the record for...

A volley is the technique of kicking a ball while it's in the air.

And the crossbar is this bit of the goal.

So, you're going to be flicking it up. Tell us how it works.

All the footballs on the floor.

I'm going to be flicking them up, passing them over to Sean,

and hopefully he's going to whack it with his foot and hit that crossbar.

Is it the flicks that really determine it, or is it your kicks?

I'd says it's 50-50, completely.

If Ash has flicked perfect, then maybe I'll hit perfect volleys.

-There's a bit of pressure on both of us...

-Yeah.

-..to get it right.

There can be no volleying without some rules.

A full size goal must be used,

with a crossbar no more than 7.32m long,

or 12cm wide.

Ash must pass the ball to Sean using only his feet.

Sean must hit the ball whilst it's in the air

and from behind the penalty spot, which is 11m from the goal.

And the target for this brand-new record

is six crossbar hits in one minute.

That might not seem like much, but trust me,

this is ridiculously difficult.

Three...two...one...

Go!

'Too low.

'And that one's too high.

'It's so hard to accurately hit a volley,

'as the ball's a moving target.

'O-o-o-oh, so close!'

'Ash has to flick the balls up perfectly

'or Sean doesn't have a chance.'

Yes!

'And the ball thunders off the crossbar!

'One down. Get in!'

30 seconds.

Yes! 'And another!'

Oh! Yes!

'What a hit!'

-O-o-oh!

-Five...four...three...

-two...one... Time.

-O-o-o-o-oh!

'It doesn't look good. But let's get the official word from Mark.'

Well, for the record, you needed six crossbar hits.

In that attempt, it was just three.

'Three hits is good, but the boys need to double their tally.'

Go!

'Ash and Sean aren't giving up.

'But, despite the occasional stonking crossbar rattler...'

Yes! '..they fall short again.'

Three hits on target that time.

'And again.'

Four hits, that time.

'Oh, and again.'

Just two.

'With a high score of only four and the boys exhausted,

'can they get those extra hits on their final attempt?

'Find out after something extraordinary.'

Aaargh!

Ugh...

Welcome to China,

where daredevils Mo Chang and Yang Gang

are about to attempt the record for...

..as this ridiculously uninformative graphic sort of demonstrates.

And here are our courageous climbers,

with duct tape holding their baggy old leotards together.

Like Superman meets Lady Gaga. I like it.

There's an odd hush as they prepare to begin.

What are they aiming for, Haruka?

The bottom, Al. And to get there in 12 seconds or under.

Oh, my word. Yang Gang is doing a handstand on Mo Chang's neck!

It's seriously dangerous.

This is incredible.

How do you do that with a whole person balancing on you?

And how do you balance one-handed on a moving neck?

Phenomenal!

And they've made it to the bottom.

But did they do it in under 12 seconds?

Of course they did!

A spectacular world record!

Like the old saying goes, it's not what you wear,

it's how quickly you can handstand down stairs with

a person on your neck while wearing it.

Er, yes. Exactly.

Now back to Ben, pitch-side.

Ash and Sean have so far failed in their bid to hit six

volleyed shots against the crossbar in one minute.

Is the record even possible?

They're physically exhausted, they've got one more attempt.

This one's got to count. Come on!

Three...two...one... Go!

'This...is...it!

'O-o-oh! Too low!

'And again!

'That's it! A perfect lob! Off the bar and shooting skyward!

'Come on, boys!

'And another bar-bouncing beauty!

'Game on!

'An early hat-trick!

'O-o-o-o-oh! That looked like it skimmed the bar. Will it count?'

-30 seconds.

-'Halfway through now.

'O-o-o-oh. Too low, again.

'They're losing their rhythm here. They need to get back in the zone.'

Yes! 'That's more like it.' Yes!

'And another. Two on the bounce. The record could be on here.'

Yes! 'What a strike! Unbelievable tekkers!'

Five...four...three...two...one...

-Time!

-Yes! What was that? That was brilliant!

Come on!

'That was undoubtedly their best effort.

'But were there enough valid crossbar hits

'to reach their six-shot target?

'Over to referee Mark.'

It was a valid attempt, and you achieved...

seven, so that's a brand-new Guinness World Record.

Congratulations.

Ash and Sean did it. Back of the net. Or top of the crossbar.

Now to the bunker for even more thrilling footwork.

Hee-hee-hee.

Every solar year,

a thunderously thrilling threesome unite in a top secret bunker

to compete for world record titles that you can try at home.

They are...

The beating heart of America - US Ray.

The prodigious pride of Japan - Mr Cherry.

And the personification of British lionheartiness -

Drizzling Sizzling Steve.

This is...

Previously, on Officially Competitive...

Mr Cherry gave a masterclass in chopstick shuttlecocking

to claim his third world record of the series.

And joined Ray at the top of the

Officially Competitive league table.

But anything could happen in today's secret...

Our gladiators have to face a world record with...

..and...

..what they're doing.

The record is...

Before the competitors get balloon-stomping,

a small morale boost from their mentors.

How delighted were you that it's not a team effort?

Quite pleased, because this time I might actually get the record.

I remember last series, we had a particularly bad attempt

at a water balloon record. How's this one going to differ?

As it's just me this time, it should be fine.

OK, Steve, I feel like you keep coming back to the fact that,

because we're not doing it together, you're going to be OK at this.

There's a good chance I will be.

Last time we faced water balloons, US Ray stole the day.

-Last series, you were breaking them with your head.

-Right.

But you're using those sweet athletic feet this time.

Do you think that gives you more of an advantage, because you're

-using your feet rather than your head?

-Yeah. I've got fast feet.

Let me see them right now.

-See? I didn't even see it.

-Yeah, exactly. Moved so fast,

-you didn't know what I did.

-US Ray all day.

-Cool.

Ray might have fast feet, but Cherry-san has ninja feet.

CHERRY SPEAKS IN JAPANESE

-TRANSLATED:

-Ninja feet in ninja slippers!

-TRANSLATED:

-Look at my leg!

It's a joy to behold such greatness.

Take over, Al!

The water balloons must be at least 10cm in diameter,

and can be arranged in any formation.

They must be burst with bare feet only.

The target for this new world record is to

burst 20 balloons in just 25 seconds.

And if you try this at home, make sure you use a non-slip surface.

Ninja-footed Mr Cherry goes first.

Three...two...one. Go!

He's scattered the balloons everywhere.

But Cherry's in high-speed pursuit.

Ooh! Two balloons in one mighty stamp!

But what happened there?

A water balloon escaped the Cherry stomp, intact.

And look at that! A succession of non-bursters!

How are they surviving the onslaught of Cherry's ninja feet?

-HORN BLOWS

-He's a balloon-bursting machine!

A traditional salute there, indicating it's time for US Ray.

Ray doesn't want to be running around like Cherry,

so he's packed his balloons together in a tidy group.

The man's a genius.

Three...two...one. Go!

A genius who's just scattered his balloons everywhere.

Good job Ray's got pace.

He's on a mission to obliterate those balloons.

Ray's stomping is savage. The balloons don't stand a chance.

And he's done. Great work, Ray.

Take a well-earned... O-o-oh!

Where did they come from?

It's a four-balloon escapee contingent!

Aaaaaah!

And with that volcanic burst, Ray really is done.

A valiant performance. Eventually.

This record involves athletic speed, words not synonymous with Steve.

But he is a master tactician. Observe his strategic balloonage.

You've got to admire that.

He's laying them out for maximum destruction,

-minimum movement.

-His life's mantra. Classic Sizzler.

Three...two...one. Go!

Two remain un-popped.

They've stayed in place though, Haruka, and that is crucial.

-This is impressive stomping.

-Indeed.

Behold the rhythmic majesty of Steve's balloon obliteration!

Come on, Steve! Over here! Yes! Yes, Steve! Come on, Steve!

Two more! Two more! Yes, one more, one more!

-HORN BLOWS Yeah!

-A pop-tastic performance.

But did anyone burst all their balloons in under 25 seconds?

Do we have a world record, Shantha?

-Yes.

-THE OTHERS:

-O-o-o-o-o-oh!

In third place,

with a time of 20.539 seconds...

'Even the loser broke the world record target!'

..is Ray.

And in first place,

with a time of 12.856 seconds...

'Almost half the record target!'

..Steve!

HEROIC MUSIC

Incredible! The tortoise has beaten both hares with his

tactical genius, and got a second world record of the series.

Yeah, bursting with excitement.

HEROIC MUSIC DIES

That victory puts the leaderboard level,

with only three challenges to go!

What'll happen next time when we combine bravery

and dice in one explosive mix?

And return with more

rollicking records like these.

# Well, Ash and Sean were looking forlorn

# They just couldn't do enough crossbar hits

# But on their final try, these freestyle guys

# They beat that target of six

# Our heroes had to compete

# To burst water balloons with their feet

# Ray and Cherry had to run

# But Steve's clever plan meant he won

# And these two guys had a flair for going down stairs

# But here come the rubbish bits

# The outtakes! #

When I heard that a... Ugh.

That a couple of footie freestylers...

I was delighted. No, I wasn't!

Finally, a chance to show... No-o-o-argh!

A chance to showcase my footie skills... No!

When it comes...to football. Huh. Beat that.

LAUGHTER

BEN GROANS