Episode 6 Officially Amazing


Episode 6

Ben, Al and Haruka witness record attempts from around the world. The Moffat brothers return to Officially Amazing, hoping to break yet another motoring record.


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# Officially, officially, officially... Amazing! #

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BLOWS A RASPBERRY

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ENGINE REVS Welcome to Officially Amazing,

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the show that brings you more

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world records than you can shake a record-breaking stick

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at record-breaking pace at.

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Today sees the return of the Moffatt brothers.

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Alistair, why do you always insist on driving like

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an absolute hooligan when I'm in the car?

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Ben, I haven't even put the key in yet.

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Just pretend. It's called being dramatic.

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Here's what's coming up on the rest of today's show.

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Which body part will these caped crusaders use to crush these cans?

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And the miraculous Moffatts return to reclaim an old record.

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But first, three more magical mavericks.

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Yeah. Ha-ha-ha. Woo-hoo-hoo. Uh-oh.

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THWACK!

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..three superheroes have assembled once more

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to attempt world records...

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Woohoo!

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..that you can try at home.

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From the States, it's the Ray Man.

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From Japan, the Cherry Bomb

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and from the UK, Dr Sizzle

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or Steve for short.

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This is...

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Previously on Officially Competitive...

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Steve made like the Pharaohs and built an award-winning pyramid.

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Leaving Cherry-san adrift at the bottom of the table.

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But that could all change today with the...

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Let's get the team talks.

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You must have undertaken some serious toilet roll-based research?

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Yes, I have been to many supermarkets

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and bought many different kind of rolls.

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So do all the supermarkets in your local area

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think you've got really loose bowels?

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Er, I hope not.

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Awkward!

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So Steve's researched this one top to bottom.

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Is Ray ready to rock and roll too?

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You noticed the difference between US toilet paper and UK toilet paper?

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All feels good.

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King of the bathroom. Number one.

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Actually, number two.

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Whatever your number is, Ray, Mr Cherry has it.

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Well, Cherry-san, you told me that you actually practised

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on the plane on the way from Japan. How was that?

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-TRANSLATION:

-Yes, like all the best athletes,

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I do prefer to train at altitude.

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But, eventually, the cabin crew told me

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they'd rather I practised after we landed, like.

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Sensible advice from the flight team there.

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Now, the loo rules.

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A standard 2-ply, 240-sheet roll must be used.

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Only one hand may be used for the unravelling.

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If any tissue is detached from the roll, the attempt is disqualified.

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And the record to beat is 9.8 seconds.

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If you want to try this yourself,

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please make sure it's not your family's last roll.

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TOILET NOISES AND FLUSHING

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Sorry, guys, I'm sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

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All right, oh. I would give it a minute in there.

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Oof.

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Shantha, over to you.

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Three, two, one.

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-AIR HORN

-Go.

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Before he can even start unrolling,

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Cherry must break the seal without using his other hand.

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Oh, he's struggling.

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Worse still, his Japanese loo rolls have been disqualified

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for not having enough sheets.

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All that altitude training was for nothing.

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How will he cope now in this tricky, toilety test?

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Oh, this is some riveting unravelling.

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Yes, that arm is rotating at full speed.

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And he's done.

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His roll can unroll no further, so the attempt is over.

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Can Ray wipe up a storm in response?

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-AIR HORN

-Go.

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Look at Ray attack that seal.

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But wait!

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He attacked it too much and four sheets of that precious paper

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have been savagely ripped off.

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What? No!

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Does that end Ray's bathroom-themed dreams?

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Well, that is up to Shantha.

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Look at him. He's an unwhirling dervish.

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It's almost hypnotic.

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Ray has refused to unravel while unravelling.

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He does not deserve disqualification after this textbook toilet rolling.

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That's not your call, Al. But if he doesn't win,

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at least there'll be plenty of tissue to wipe away his tears.

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Harsh, Ben.

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Come on, Sizzler.

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-AIR HORN

-Go.

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It's taking valuable seconds to break that seal. Not a great start.

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No, indeed. He's already getting BOGGED down.

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Come on, Sizzle.

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What a twirly tornado of tumbling tissue.

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Has a lifetime of using British loo roll given Steve a crucial edge?

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Surely not. Loo roll is the same the world over.

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Except in Japan, where it's shorter.

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-Stop.

-Uncurling complete. Nice one, Sizzler.

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A tissue, a tissue, it all falls down.

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Let's find out who uncoiled the quickest.

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Shantha, have we broken a world record?

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-No, we haven't.

-Aw.

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Never mind though. There's still the

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all-important competitive point to play for.

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Shantha, the results please.

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Ray, you were disqualified as you ripped the paper from the roll.

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Two disqualifications in a row!

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Oh, Ray.

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And in first place, with a time of 43.583 seconds,

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-Steve.

-BOTH: Yeah!

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Oh, excellent work, Sizz.

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-I know, I couldn't believe it.

-I didn't think any of us could.

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Yes, for once things have unravelled in the right way

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for the Sizzler.

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And he tops the leaderboard.

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And, remarkably, Mr Cherry's still rock bottom.

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Next time, he needs to put his lucky pants on,

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then take them off, then back on again.

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Now, from pants to parking.

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Aw.

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Yes, those magnificent Moffatts in their motoring machines are back.

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We've seen these spectacular stunt-driving siblings

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set a stunning six records in four series.

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But today, their remarkable record-breaking run

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is under severe threat.

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Back in series two, Alistair and John claimed the record for the...

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..as they slid two cars into this petite parking spot.

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But Chinese pair Tian Linwen and Xia Hongjun

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have since beaten it twice

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with their alternative, simultaneous parking method -

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setting a record of just 42cm of space between the four cars.

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Now the brothers want their title back.

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So the Chinese team set the record at 42cm.

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Guys, what are you hoping for today?

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Well, we're going to play it safe as we can

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and we're just going to go for 41.

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Sounds sensible. So, Trevor, you're here as the kind of

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-support team and maybe offer a few words of wisdom.

-Yeah, I can watch

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what's happening from the outside and I can give them some feedback

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with where they're going wrong.

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-HE LAUGHS

-What do you mean go wrong?

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Best of luck, guys. You're going to regain this record today.

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I've got a good feeling. Come on.

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I've also got some rules.

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Once parked, the cars must not be touching each other

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and wheels must be within 30cm of

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this white curb without touching it.

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The target is to leave

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a total space between all the cars of 41cm.

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So, the Moffatts are ready for their first attempt

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at regaining their old record.

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John in the white car comes screeching in,

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and Alistair is right behind him.

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That was good.

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Look at that. Incredible precision on the first go.

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Seems good from this angle.

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Ooh, but John may be too far from the white curb.

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Ah, and the two Moffatt motors are touching,

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so that attempt is invalid.

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Unbelievably close.

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Here they go again.

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Come on now.

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John needs to get as tight to that first car as possible.

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He's in.

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Oh, it's good, it's good.

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Can Alistair squeeze into the gap that's left?

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They're clear of the parked cars and the curb.

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But, oh, no.

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Same problem.

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We got a touch situation right here.

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What do they need to do right now?

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They just need to concentrate.

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I think you need to concentrate, channel their inner Moffatt

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and tell them what they need to do.

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-All right.

-I taught them everything they know.

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Is that why they keep messing up?

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All right, let's do this. Come on. Let's go, Moffatts!

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John's in safely.

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Oh, Alistair careers into the curb.

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They're refusing to give up.

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Could this be the one?

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Ah.

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What a car-tastophe.

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That's not really parking, that's just stopping.

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This is proving tough, even for the Moffatts.

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In a record where the distances to begin with are so minute,

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you've got to be perfect.

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Could this be the first time we see the brothers fail to break a record?

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Find out after watching two titans with a CAN-do attitude.

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-AIR RUSHES

-Oh...

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SHE LAUGHS

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We're in China for an epic battle

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to discover who has the toughest shoulder blades on Earth.

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Or, to give its official name...

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And please...

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These guys are trained professionals,

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as you can tell from their magnificent capes.

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The USA's Fabrizio Milito

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holds the current record at 41 cans.

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China's Feng Yixi is here to take it off him.

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Go.

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MUSIC: Hearts On Fire by John Cafferty

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Look at him go!

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I had no idea shoulder blades could be so powerful...

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or so useful.

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To give him the best chance of breaking that record,

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Feng relies on his helper to place those cans quickly.

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Can after can reduced to nothing more than recyclable garbage.

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-AIR HORN

-Time's up.

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Has he beaten Fabrizio's record of 41?

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Oh, 51!

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Our brave American looks CRUSHED. CAN he recover?

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AIR HORN

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MUSIC: You're The Best by Joe 'Bean' Esposito

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-He's certainly off to a fast start.

-His helper needs to be careful.

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This is a bit like hand-feeding pork chops to a lion.

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ROAR

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-Get it wrong, and you'll lose some fingers.

-Heroic scenes.

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Could he top Feng's tin-wrecking record?

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-AIR HORN

-That's time.

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Has he reclaimed his can-crushing crown?

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Just now, Fabrizio, you achieved a final total of...

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..60 cans. It's a brand-new world record title.

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Wow!

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60 cans.

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And he CAN-not believe it.

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But while fabulous Fab is feted

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and has the proud pose of a true champion,

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foiled Feng looks furious.

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Hopefully, we won't see another frowning face like that today.

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Come on, the Moffatts!

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Alistair and John are trying to break the record

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for the tightest double parallel park

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but the only thing being broken so far is that poor, white curb.

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These motoring masters have never failed us before,

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but their perfect record-breaking record is now in serious jeopardy.

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Here they come once more.

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Ooh, could this be good?

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The cars aren't touching,

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but Alistair's more than 30cm from the line so it won't be valid.

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Alistair, not quite worked just yet. I've got full confidence.

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Have you?

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It's on and there's a gap there so we'll try and fit a car in it.

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If it can be done, then the Moffatts can do it. Come on!

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They're still confident but it's late in the day

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and this will have to be their final attempt.

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Can they get that precision timing dead on?

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Can they claim yet another world record?

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They're putting everything into this

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but it has to work this time.

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Cracking car-eography from the magical Moffatts.

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But have they pulled this off?

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They have an anxious wait as adjudicator Mark checks their work.

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This is going to be close.

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So, Mark, please don't keep us in suspense any longer.

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What are your results?

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I can tell you that with a distance of 41cm,

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we've a brand-new Guinness World Records title.

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THEY CLAP AND CHEER

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-Congratulations.

-Thank you very much.

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Incredible!

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The brothers' refusal to give up

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means their record-breaking run remains intact.

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Join us next time for more genuine genius like this.

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# Well, our competitors rushed and were a little bit flushed

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# As they unravelled for a victory

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# The loo roll flew as Steve beat the other two

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# And won single-handedly

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# Alistair and John were back with a record-reclaiming attack

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# And our mighty Moffatt men

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# Got their double parking record back again

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# And Fabrizio crushed Feng's dreams with his mighty shoulders

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# But here come the rubbish bits

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# The outtakes! #

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I haven't even put the key in yet.

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Oh, I've forgotten my line. Argh!

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And with a distance of 7.5, no, that's not right.

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THEY LAUGH

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The magnificent Moffat brothers return to Officially Amazing, hoping to break yet another motoring record. There's a can-crushing record from China, and our Officially Competitive rivals take issue with some toilet tissue.


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