Episode 7 Officially Amazing

# Officially, officially, officially

# Amazing! #

Hello, I'm Ben Shires.

And I'm Al Jackson.

And I'm Haruka Kuroda.

And together we are...

The...

Well, that was rubbish.

What kind of intrepid band of presenting superheroes

can't even decide on a name?

-Sorry, Ben.

-Sorry, Ben.

Yes, well, it's a good job that we've got

a super stonking spectacle of records

to showcase today, otherwise we'd look kind of a bit silly right now.

I think you're right.

We've got skipping like you've never seen before.

And shocking scenes in the bunker as our heroes

reveal their undercrackers.

But first, it's time for a twist on an old favourite.

Ow! O-o-o-oh...

Remember back in series three when we met Toby,

who demolished the epic world record for the longest Double Kong?

Today, we're taking epic to new levels of epic.

Oh, yes. This man is bringing back the Double Kong, with a twist.

What's the twist?

Well, it's a twist.

Meet former international gymnast, and Hollywood stuntman, Alex Jerrom.

He's taken a break from shooting movies with the likes

of Brad Pitt to attempt the brand-new world record for the...

How much more difficult does the twist make a Double Kong,

which, let's not forget, is a very difficult move?

It is really tricky, as you are travelling so fast,

and you're trying to spot the block.

You can't actually see it until the last moment,

so it's just judging everything right for that, which is tricky.

-Good luck, Alex.

-Thank you very much.

-Can't wait to see it.

Here are the rules.

Alex must vault between two objects of equal height.

They must be at least 1.25 metres tall.

He must do a full 360 degree aerial twist between the vaults,

and only his hands can touch

the objects throughout.

To set a new world record,

Alex must perform a twisting Double Kong over a distance of 2.9 metres.

But he's going straight in at three metres!

Come on!

Alex, in your own time.

He's up, but can he land it?

O-o-o-oh! Just too short.

And that is why we're using soft vaults.

I'm kind of getting that it wasn't quite how you imagined it.

Uh, no. Just tricky getting up to speed,

to be fair, at the moment. Yeah, I want to give it another go.

But attempt two wasn't any better.

Another mighty effort, but... O-o-o-oh!

Another clear fail.

Alex feels his run-up isn't long enough to hit full speed,

so he extends the runway.

Will it give him the extra flight he needs?

Alex, in your own time.

A huge push into the twist, but it's all about that landing.

Oh! That looked good.

Official adjudicator Mark reviews the slow-mo footage.

Could we have a new world record?

In that attempt, both your forearm and hip did touch

the second object, which means it is an invalid attempt, I'm afraid.

OK.

It was his best attempt yet.

But Alex's wrist and hip tickled the vault, so he's denied again.

With three metres proving just too much, Alex shortens

the distance between the vaults to that 2.9 metre minimum target.

Will a ten-centimetre reduction make the difference?

Find out after Al and Haruka seek out some scintillating skipping.

Who-o-o-oa!

Aaaaaargh!

He-he-he.

Meet superstar skipper Anika Stuhr from Germany.

Skippedy-doo-dah!

What's she going to do?

Today, Anika will attempt the implausible most skips

while sitting in one minute.

Her target is 100 skips.

That is just 100 more than I could do.

Go!

Whoa! How does she do that?

Well, Anika has meteoric muscles in her tummy, legs and bottom

which propel her body off the floor, high enough to make a skip.

I think this might be one of the most extraordinary

things my eyes have ever witnessed.

She's defying the forces of nature!

Wow!

Beguiling, buttock-based bouncing.

But also tiring. This takes enormous physical effort.

-HORN BLOWS

-And that's a minute!

Has she topped 100 skips?

Yes! 108!

Could this be any better?

Well, here comes Anika's boyfriend.

MUSIC: The Power Of Love by Jennifer Rush

Oh. This is... This is beautiful.

-Are you...crying?

-I've just got something in my eye.

Right. Back to you now, Ben.

So beautiful!

After three valiant attempts, Alex Jerrom was beaten

by the three metre long, full twisting Double Kong.

With the distance between vaults now at 2.9 metres,

the record is still for the taking.

Can Alex twist himself to glory?

Alex, in your own time.

O-o-o-o-o-oh!

Incredible!

It looked like Alex's best attempt yet, but was it valid?

Official adjudicator Mark has the answer.

In the previous attempts, we were disqualifying them

because you were relying on your forearm when you were landing.

In that attempt, it was purely done with the hands.

So, at 2.9 metres,

-that is a brand-new Guinness world record title!

-Yeah!

Yes. Put it there!

Alex never gave up.

What a monumental effort, rewarded with a world record title.

Now, time to ramp up the monumentality to monstrous!

Oof!

Ow!

He-he-he.

Three courageous contenders battling to obliterate world records

that you could try at home.

We present intergalactic gargantuan, US Ray of America.

Cataclysmic colossus, Mr Cherry of Japan.

And, for the UK, the astronomical antihero that is... Sizzling Steve.

This...is...

Previously, on Officially Competitive...

Sizzling Steve's unparalleled unravelling of a loo roll

sent him right to the top of the table.

With three-time world champion Cherry

now languishing in last place.

But today is all about who has the knack with knickers,

in the record for the...

Let's parlay pants.

You're a man who has a close relationship with his pants.

And, so, the choice of which pants to jump into

must've been a tough one.

-No.

-No?

Talk me through your weapons of choice.

-Pair of briefs.

-Can we be more detailed?

Not really.

So, mystery surrounds Sizzler's pants.

Is Ray going to backflip into his?

How is your technique different

when you're backflipping into pants or just jumping into pants?

When I'm backflipping, I've got helpers, so I don't have to

do as much of the work - I just flip and there they are.

But when I'm doing jumping into pants, there's no-one to help me.

Are there any dangers associated with a record like this?

Yeah. You could just trip over your own pants.

I do.

It happens.

No-one know pants like my man, Cherry-san.

What is the key to success?

TRANSLATION:

-YORKSHIRE ACCENT:

-Practise makes perfect with pants, me duck.

And I've been practising in t'park, in London.

I might've looked a little strange.

Well, good luck, Cherry-san.

And, as the Japanese proverb goes,

"May your underpants go on quick, and come off even quicker."

Where there are underpants, there must be rules.

Any briefs-style underpants or swimming trunks may be used.

The contestant must jump into the underpants with both feet,

and they must not step on the pants.

After each jump, the pants must be pulled to the waistline,

and the record to beat is nine jumps in 30 seconds.

'My man, Ray, is up first.'

Ray, are you ready? - Ready.

- Three...two...one... Go!

'Ooh, do I detect snagging?'

'Yes, a classic toe-snag, and he's trodden on the gusset.'

'It won't count.'

'O-o-o-oh! But this is much better.'

'This must be how Superman gets dressed.'

'One-legged? Huh. That's not standard pants procedure.'

Don't worry about that. Oh, here we go.

'Come on, Ray. This is pants in the wrong way.'

'Now his knickers are in a twist.'

'What's Ray doing?'

-Five...four...three...

-'I think that confident pants stance

'signals he's had enough.'

-HORN BLOWS

-Ending it with some dignity.

Good job.

Sizzler's PPB (Pants Personal Best)

in this event is a massive one jump into pants.

He just needs to improve by a mere 900% for the record.

So, I'm wearing external pants in solidarity.

Three...two...one... Go!

O-o-oh. Almost, Steve.

'Oh, dear. Completely missed.'

'At least the mystery of Steve's pants choice is solved -

'racing red with black trim.'

'Not that he can get into them.'

'O-o-oh! It's not going well, but it is a Herculean effort.'

You're the boss of the pants. Yes!

'Definite snagging there.'

'Never mind.'

'Let's bask in the glory of a grown man struggling to

'take off his own undercrackers.'

One small leap for the Sizzler, one giant step for Sizzler-kind!

'Look at that precision pants incursion from the Sizzler!'

Come on, now, Sizz.

'Whoa!'

'Was that another bona fide jump?'

'Yes, it was.'

-Five...four...

-Come on, Sizzler!

-..three...two...

-Come on!

-Yes!

-..one.

-Ye-e-e-e-es!

-Stop!

'A nation billows with pride at Sizzler's pantification.'

And, so to Cherry.

Bottom of the competitive table,

and facing a humiliation of Sizzler-sized proportions.

Can he pinch the point with his pants?

-Cherry-san, are you ready?

-No.

'Oh, I say. Cherry removes his fancy pants and dons a competition pair.'

-'Stirring scenes.'

-Japan! OK.

'He's chosen a lycra swimming pant.'

Go!

'Wow! This is preposterous pant-wrangling.'

'He's acing every jump.'

'He's chosen his pants very well.'

'Their stretchiness is providing a luxuriantly large landing zone.'

'Ooh, but he got his feet caught there. Will that one count?'

-Five...four...

-'Is pant-fatigue setting in?'

-'Come on, Cherry!'

-Stop!

Yay!

'It looked good, but were they all valid jumps?'

'And did anyone get near that target of nine?'

Do we have a new world record holder for pants-jumpering-innering?

Shantha?

-Yes, we do.

-Ooooooooooh!

In third place, with a total of two successful jumps...

-..is Steve.

-'Doubling his PPB.'

And, in first place, with a total of 11 successful jumps...

..is Mr Cherry. - Ye-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-eah!

'And Cherry is the pants champion of the wo-o-o-o-orld!'

I am pant-tastic! Ye-e-e-e-eah!

This win puts Cherry right back in the competitive game.

Swing high, sweet Cherry-ot. You deserve it.

But who will triumph next time, in a shaving cream showdown?

Find out when we return with more monumental marvellousness,

like this.

# Well, Alex kept going wrong with his twisty Double Kong

# He just couldn't fly far enough

# But in the end he got there, as he soared through the air,

# He's made of record breaking stuff

# Ray and Steve had a nightmare with their underwear

# So, Cherry was our champ at jumping into pants

# And Anika bounced her way to a skipping record

# But here come the rubbish bits

# The outtakes! #

Hello, I'm Ben Shires.

-..And I'm Al Jackson.

-BEN LAUGHS

Japants, go!

CHERRY LAUGHS