Episode 9 Officially Amazing

# Officially, officially, officially amazing! #

WHISTLE FART NOISE

Welcome to Officially Amazing,

the show that travels the world

to bring you the most remarkable raucous and rollicking records!

Here's what's coming up on today's show.

Why is this dough being danced with, and not eaten?

And, # bum bum bu-u-um! #

Our heroes compete in a cheeky chase for a record.

But first, here comes the cavalry.

Hya! Hya! Hyaaa! Oh! Ah!

Last series we saw world class stunt rider Ben Atkinson

pull off an astonishing Roman riding

world record with this incredible leap.

Now he's back, and he's brought a friend -

the equally fearless Mike Collin.

And today, with the help of joyful steed Jasmine, they'll be

battling each other as they both attempt the world record for...

This dangerous, exhausting record requires competitors to

dismount, touch the ground and then remount the horse at a rapid speed.

Let's get Ben and Mike's thoughts.

How do you even go about learning that

kind of trick in the first place?

That sounds incredibly dangerous.

Uh, yeah, it is, it's quite daunting at first.

But you do spend a lot of time in training on a barrel which

has got a saddle on, so it basically saves the horse's back.

Neither of you are wearing helmets for this record attempt, why is that?

We're coming down the sides of the horse, kind of keeping very

close to the pommels at the front and at the back.

The straps that the helmets use can easily get caught on these

pommels and cause serious injuries to the neck,

so the helmet is not really used for safety reasons.

Do we think that either of you are going to break the record today?

-I think Ben can.

-I'm not sure.

ALL LAUGH

Fellas, as lovely as this has been, if I want to get the real

nitty gritty, I'm going to have to go straight to the horse's mouth.

Jazz, how are you feeling about today's record attempt?

-JAZZ:

-"I'm chomping at the bit, Ben.

-"I've been training for this, and I'm in clip-clop condition."

-Hmm.

Anyway, enough of this horsing around,

shall we check out the rules?

"That would be very help-foal. Thank you."

The horse must be cantering for the entire attempt.

The rider's feet must touch the floor on each dismount.

And the record to beat is 16 mounts and dismounts in 30 seconds.

And remember, Ben and Mike are experienced,

fully-trained stunt riders.

Do NOT try and do anything like this yourself!

Ben's up first, while Mike will help guide

and encourage Jazz from the centre of the circle.

Three, two, one, go!

HORN SOUNDS

Immediately, we can see the intense skill this requires.

And look at the physical effort as Ben grips the pommel

and propels himself onto the saddle!

This is a really strong start. But oh!

It looks like Ben somehow got stuck! What happened there?

You were going great and then something,

what, your leg got caught?

The pommel went between my boot and my leg.

-Just a bit of a dead leg, it's all right.

-Yeah.

-Ben is quickly back in the saddle.

-Go!

HORN BLASTS

Mounting and dismounting a moving horse is hard enough,

but Ben must also do it at pace.

To break the record, he needs to be in constant motion.

And look. Each time he's making sure his feet briefly touch the ground.

Stunning stunt work!

Time's almost up. Jazz is going strong, but Ben must be exhausted.

-Time.

-HORN SOUNDS

Oh, time!

Ben lasted the full 30 seconds that time, despite that bang on the leg.

Before we find out how he did, it's Mike's turn.

-Go!

-HORN SOUNDS

And he's throwing himself into this, flinging his legs on and off Jazz

while ferociously gripping that pommel to retain his balance.

Speed, strength, coordination, bravery. It's all needed here.

Can he keep going for the full 30 seconds?

The strain on the body is immense.

-HORN BLASTS

-Time.

Oh, that was time!

That was excellent! Mike, you must be exhausted after that.

Little bit, yeah. Whether it was enough? Not a clue.

So, did either Mike or Ben reach that target of 16?

Ben, you went first.

In your attempt, you achieved

14 dismounts and mounts.

Mike, you achieved

-15...

-Oh, you're kidding me.

-..so, one off the record.

So close!

So close, in fact, that despite his exhaustion,

Mike is insisting on one last effort.

Find out how he does after some dough throwing with Al and Haruka.

Ah ah ah ahhhhhh whooo!

-HARUKA:

-Al, do you remember the pizza record attempt

from our last series?

-AL:

-Of course I dough!

Bake That are my favourite boy band of all time!

-ALL: Pizza dough!

-Pizza dough.

MUSIC: Everybody (Backstreet's Back) by Backstreet Boys

Sadly, they failed to break the record for...

But by popular demand, they are back for another try.

-# Backstreet's back, alright! #

-Yeah!

A quick reminder, then.

For a roll to count,

the pizza base must be in contact with the body at all times.

And if the dough tears, the attempt is over.

The record to beat is 37 rolls.

Lee Moon Ky is representing the

band, and he's off!

Come on, Lee.

Ping that pizza. Fling that flan.

Throw that dough. And do it fast.

Oh, he's dropped it.

No! What a save.

Breathtaking stuff.

Time is almost up. He must be close!

The very definition of fast food.

Woo hoo!

A jubilant scream from the host,

as the adjudicators check for any tears.

Has he done it?

The result is 38.

38 pizza rolls!

The boys are dough-lirious with joy.

But will awesome horseman Mike be celebrating too? Let's find out.

Ben and Mike both came close to

that target of 16 mounts and dismounts.

Now a shattered Mike is giving it one last go.

-HORN SOUNDS

-Go!

He needs to be mounting and dismounting faster than once

every two seconds to achieve world record pace.

This will take a phenomenal force of will.

The faster he goes, the more dangerous this is.

But Mike looks to be in full control.

-That's it, good!

-Every muscle on his body must be aching.

Just one tired slip would end his chances.

Come on, keep going! Lean back.

He looks exhausted.

-Come on, Mike!

-Time!

-HORN SOUNDS

Was all that effort worth it? Has he cracked 16 this time?

Mark, exactly how did he do?

In the 30 seconds, you achieved

16, which equals the Guinness World Records title!

Congratulations.

He's too weary to celebrate,

but what an amazing achievement from Mike, and the joyful Jasmine.

Now, some more horsing around with three other fighting fillies.

Huuuuh.

Aaaaaaah!

Ah ah ah!

Yes, coming to a TV near you right now, three legends

of the silver screen, attempting world records you can try too!

They are - the icon from Japan,

Mr Cherry!

The American dreamboat,

US Ray!

And the stiff upper lip himself,

Britain's Sizzling Steve!

And they're all starring in...

-AL:

-Previously on Officially Competitive...

After faces repeatedly met pie,

Team USA emerged victorious thanks to a double disqualification.

That puts Ray joint top

of the scoreboard with Steve.

But today's record

is all about the bottom.

In our last series, Mr Cherry

dragged his delicate derriere to victory

in the bum-scooting event.

-HARUKA:

-But, can he keep his

top bottom record intact today,

in the fastest 20m bum walk?

Let's get his thoughts, in the team talks.

What gives your bottom an edge?

-TRANSLATION:

-Well, my bum

is constantly in training.

Even now, it's working, clenching,

unclenching. It never sleeps.

-IN ENGLISH:

-Pants power!

Poo poo poo!

Cherry bum-scooted twice as fast as Steve last time.

Will bum-walking be more the Sizzler's style?

What muscles are you using?

Uh, the backside, mainly.

-The gluteus maximus?

-Yes.

Or in your case,

the gluteus minimus effortus.

-Yep.

-Yes.

How have you prepared your derriere

-for the task in hand?

-I haven't.

-Really?

-Yep.

Fail to prepare, prepare to fail, Steve.

Ray's rear is always raring to go.

How are you going to bum-walk

to the title?

One cheek at a time.

One cheek at a time.

You put your right cheek in.

Put your right cheek out.

There we go.

Well, I've never heard THAT verse of the hokey cokey.

Let's get to the bottom of the rules.

Competitors may only move by lifting each buttock in turn.

Bum-scooting or dragging yourself

with your feet are not allowed.

And the record to beat is to travel 20m in less than...

-Mr Cherry's up first.

-Ready?

-REPLIES IN JAPANESE

Three, two, one!

-Go!

-HORN SOUNDS

And he's exploding into action!

Sort of.

Look at this!

Cherry-san's buttocks were truly made for walking -

amongst other things.

HARUKA CHANTS IN JAPANESE

That's some great encouragement from the sidelines, Haruka!

What exactly are you saying?

I'm just telling him to hurry up, and to keep going.

Oh. I expected it to be one of your

classic samurai mantras.

Uh, no. Sorry.

Ancient samurai mantras rarely involve giggles, Al.

And Cherry's toe breaches the finish line!

He's laid down an impressive haunch-let - I mean, gauntlet.

My bum is bum-alicious!

Stirring scenes.

Can Steve be equally bum-bastic?

-Go!

-HORN SOUNDS

Yeah, 16!

Is it true Steve's still carrying a thigh

strain from the bum-scoot in our last series?

Yes, but after a nice bath

last night he's fine! See?

Look at that lovely wiggle!

I admit, I was tempted to write Steve off in this event.

But this is an impressive pace, in terms of bum-walking.

Yes, Steve may well have found his niche -

a sport that involves sitting down!

Mr Cherry must be sweating.

He desperately needs to win an event!

Come on! 'Keep going!'

STEVE: No. -No?

-Aww.

-He's gone.

HALF-HEARTED CLAPPING

Euggh. After all that time,

he barely made it halfway before bumming out!

I have big hopes for Ray's little buns of steel, though.

Do it, Ray!

-Go!

-HORN BLASTS

-Go. A ha ha! Here we go.

-And there they are.

A fabulous demonstration of ro-buttocks!

-There you go!

-He's almost past

the point of Sizzler's collapse.

Could he beat Cherry-san?

'Come on, Ray! Propel that patriotic posterior!

Show the world what

American backsides are made of!

Rarely have I seen such a brisk bottom!

These are exciting times in the world of bum-walking.

Ray has a truly terrific

tushie-twisting technique.

Come on, power, let's go!

Come on, yeah!

So, did Ray or Cherry come close to the record of

one minute and four seconds?

I don't believe I've ever seen such mighty fine bum-walking.

Could it get even better? Shantha, have we a world record?

-No.

-ALL: Awwww.

Fear not! There's still the all-important point to play for.

Shantha, the results please.

Steve, I had to disqualify you as you collapsed before the 10m mark.

Why does Steve look so surprised?

Ray, I had to disqualify you as you scooted

and used your feet to drag you forward.

But that is a surprise! Shantha

deems Ray's style to be illegal.

Shockwaves reverberate just outside the bunker -

a second double disqualification in a row.

So the winner, with a time of

1 minute and 13.839 seconds,

is Mr Cherry!

CHERRY CHEERS

Cherry really needed that win -

he's now top equal.

Or bottom equal, if you like.

But who will break clear of the pack

next time, as our terrific trio

face a record of truly dizzying proportions?

Join us then for another feast

of official fabulousness, like this.

# Well, Mike and Ben

# Are amazing horsemen

# And with the help of fair Jasmine

# Mike did 16 dismounts

# A record-equalling amount

# So we say "well done" to him

# Our competitors' rears did the talking

# As they battled at speed bum-walking

# But a double disqualification

# Meant that Cherry got some cheeky elation

# And Lee Moon Ky did the business

# With his do-ough #

Pizza dough.

# But here come the rubbish bits

# The outtakes! #

FART NOISE

HORN SOUND TRAILS OFF

So, how are you feeling about today's record attempt?

JASMINE HUFFS

Whoa-ho-ho-ho! I mean, come on.