The Humbug Hotel Old Jack's Boat


The Humbug Hotel

Children's series. Jack and Salty visit the Humbug Hotel and help a lonely tigerfish find true love.


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Transcript


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Ha!

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And good day to you!

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# This is the place to be For Salty Dog and me

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# Down by the harbour we'll be there

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# Round every corner There's something to share

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# Give us a cheer Our friends are here

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# Just Salty Dog and me. #

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Ha ha! Come on, Salty!

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# This is the place to meet Down at the end of the street

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# Seagulls flying up in the blue

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# There's always a cup of tea Waiting for you

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# Out in the sun having some fun

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# Just Salty Dog and me

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# Haul away! Haul away! Sing a song of the sea

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# Hoist the sail I'll tell you a tale

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# Of Salty Dog and me

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# This is the place to go And these are the people we know

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# The village is busy With things to see

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# And there's the Rainbow Down by the quay

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# There's stories to tell Join us as well

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# Just Salty Dog and me. #

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PHONE RINGS

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SHOP BELL RINGS

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Good morning, Emily!

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-Come back here, you naughty seagull!

-Trouble, Emily?

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SQUAWK! I'll say! That cheeky seagull

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has just taken my last bag of humbugs.

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Humbugs? I was just going to buy some.

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Oh, well, you're out of luck, I'm afraid.

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Salty, we need a hand, here. See what you can do, girl.

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Fetch those humbugs!

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SEAGULL CAWS

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SALTY BARKS

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Hello, Salty!

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Can't stop, busy, busy.

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SHE RINGS HER BIKE BELL

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There we are, Captain Periwinkle.

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I'll leave your cake decorations here.

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Thank you, Miss Bowline-Hitch.

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Busy, busy!

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SHE RINGS HER BIKE BELL

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Hello, Salty! Nothing for you, I'm afraid.

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It's Operation Cake Bake today.

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You know, I really miss my humbugs, I do, Emily. You know what I mean?

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Oh, Salty! Any luck?

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Nothing? SALTY BARKS

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Oh, never mind, you did your best.

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-So, no humbugs for me, then, is it?

-Looks like it.

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I could do you some lovely sherbet lemons.

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Sorry, Emily. No, no. You're very kind,

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but it's humbugs or nothing for me. Thank you very much. Come on, Salty.

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Let's get back to the Rainbow. Honestly...

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I know, you did your best, Salty.

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There she is! The Rainbow.

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What have you got for us today, my dear?

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Hey! Come on, Salty.

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# Dee-dee dee-dee. #

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Here we are.

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Yes, settle yourself down there, girl.

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Well... No humbugs, eh, Salty? Oh!

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Do you know, I do remember a time we had trouble with humbugs. Yes.

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It was when we visited the Humbug Hotel. Do you remember?

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Yes. Let me get comfortable and I'll tell you the story.

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This will whiffle your whiskers, my girl.

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Once upon a twinkly time,

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the Rainbow set off from Staithes,

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waved goodbye to Whitby

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and disappeared over the horizon.

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# Just Salty dog and me

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# Upon the briny sea

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# With the sun in the sky and the odd little treat

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# We're happy to say that our day is complete

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# Chugging along, singing a song

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# Just Salty dog and me. #

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Ha-ha-ha!

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Ah, it was a very exciting day for me

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because I was expecting a special delivery of my favourite treat -

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humbugs.

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Salty and I scanned the skies to see if Brenda was on the way.

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And suddenly...

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Wee! ..something dropped from above

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and landed - plop - right in my lap.

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It was a small sweet,

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covered in stripes.

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A humbug.

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Then, with a flappity crash,

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Brenda landed on the deck.

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"I'm sorry I'm late," she squawked.

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"Yes, one of your humbugs nearly landed on my head!"

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"I'm afraid that's the only one I could find," said Brenda,

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rather dramatically.

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"There's not a humbug to be seen anywhere.

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"It's a worldwide humbug crisis."

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It was true, Salty had read it in the papers. I scratched my beard.

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What were we going to do?

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One humbug wasn't enough for a treat.

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"There's always the Humbug Hotel," suggested Brenda.

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"It's run by Walter, the tigerfish. Tigerfish love humbugs,

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"and there's always a big jar of humbugs

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"sitting on the reception desk."

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"Of course! The Humbug Hotel!"

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Well, we thanked Brenda, and Salty and I set off at once.

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So before you could say jiggly-juggly jellyfish,

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we were under the sea.

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Soon, we were at a tall, stripy door.

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A very important looking fish

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in a stripy uniform,

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with gold buttons,

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stood outside and announced,

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"Welcome to the Humbug Hotel!"

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We went inside and suddenly

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a tigerfish popped up

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from behind a very large reception desk.

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"Hello, I'm Walter," he said. "Can I help?"

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"Well," I said, "I was rather wondering if

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"the Humbug Hotel could spare a few of its humbugs?"

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Walter stopped what he was doing

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and pointed a fin at a large, empty jar beside him.

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"Haven't you heard?

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"There are no humbugs anywhere. It's a worldwide crisis."

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And he burst into tears.

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"It's not the humbugs I'm worried about," wailed Walter,

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"it's Princess Tigerfish!"

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Salty and I had no idea who he was talking about.

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Just then, the tall, stripy door swung open

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and an elegant tigerfish swished into the hotel.

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Walter looked up at her with wide eyes.

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"Princess Tigerfish!" he gasped.

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The Princess smiled.

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Walter stared and stared at her,

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completely speechless.

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Salty nudged me.

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"Walter's in love," she said,

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in a whispered woof.

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The Princess smiled again.

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"Hello, I'm here to try the finest humbugs."

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Walter's face fell.

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How could he tell her there weren't any humbugs to be found anywhere?

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I nudged Salty. "Let's give him a hand," I said.

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Then I offered to carry the Princess's suitcases to her room.

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"That would be lovely," she said.

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Walter dashed after us and pressed a button for the lift.

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Well, when the lift reached the top floor,

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Walter rushed down the corridor

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and unlocked the door to the Princess's room.

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It was a wondrous sight.

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Stripy silk curtains,

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a gorgeous sea view,

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and a huge comfy bed,

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with a stripy mattress

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that looked as soft as a cloud.

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"Oh, it's lovely!" cried Princess Tigerfish.

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"I can sit at this window and munch humbugs all day."

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Well, before Walter could tell her that there weren't any humbugs,

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I suggested that the Princess tried the bed.

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"It looks ever so comfortable," I said.

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So, forgetting about humbugs for the moment,

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the Princess settled on the bed.

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But as soon as she snuggled down,

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"Oh!" she squeaked, and she leapt up.

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"There's a lump in the mattress!"

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I could tell poor Walter was most upset by this.

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"What shall I do?" he whispered to Salty and me.

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"Let's put another mattress on the bed," Salty said.

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"Then maybe she won't feel the lump." So we did.

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But the Princess could still feel it.

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So we put another mattress on,

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and another, and another,

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and another one after that.

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But every time, the Princess could still feel the lump.

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By now, the mattress pile was so high,

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the Princess was almost touching the ceiling,

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and there were no more mattresses in the hotel. "What now?"

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said poor Walter, who was blushing so brightly,

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you could hardly see his stripes.

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And that was the moment that Salty's whiskers

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started to whiffle.

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She was having one of her bright ideas.

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"I think I know what that lump is," she barked.

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And she started to take all the mattresses down.

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I helped out and, as we worked, Walter gazed at the Princess.

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And the Princess kept smiling back.

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Finally, we got to the last mattress.

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Salty lifted it up with her paw,

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and what did we find under it?

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Yes, a humbug!

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Well, Walter was horrified.

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"I'm so sorry," he cried.

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"I must have hidden it there, in case we ever ran out."

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"And have you run out?" asked the Princess, quietly.

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Walter looked at her sadly.

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"We have," I'm afraid.

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"It's not much of a humbug hotel, is it?"

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We all wondered what the Princess would do next.

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"Well," she said, "that just makes this last humbug

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"even more precious. Would you like to share it with me?"

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Well, Walter was astounded.

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"That... That would be...wonderful," he spluttered.

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And so we left Walter and the Princess

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sharing the last humbug, on a golden plate,

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and looking dreamily into each other's eyes.

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Back on board the Rainbow, Brenda delivered a newspaper

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and Salty read the headline.

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"World-wide humbug crisis over.

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"Prince and Princess Tigerfish to start humbug factory."

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"Hooray for them!" I cheered.

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"That means there should be plenty of humbugs waiting for us

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"when we get back!"

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And so we set our course for the horizon

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and sailed back happily

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to Staithes, and home.

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And humbugs, of course.

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I do love a humbug!

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There, do you like that story, Salty?

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All true, of course.

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Mind you, my stories always are.

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Ha-ha-ha!

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Come on.

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Oh, hello, you two!

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-Take a seat, Jack.

-Oh, thank you, Captain.

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You look a bit down, sailor.

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Well, we've had a humbug crisis today.

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-Oh, really?

-Yes.

-Well, perhaps Operation Cake Bake

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-can come to your rescue!

-No, no, no.

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No cake for me, Captain. It's humbugs or nothing for me today.

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Hmm. Then take a look...at this.

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-Ooh!

-Humbug sponge!

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Ooh, would you look at that, Salty!

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I found a bag of humbugs in the cake decoration box

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-and didn't want to waste them, so I popped them on top.

-Ha-ha!

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-A good sailor never wastes anything.

-That's wonderful.

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Do you know, this is the perfect way to end a very humbuggy day!

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Got to keep things shipshape.

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-Here, I'll cut you a slice.

-Oh, yes, please. Yes. Oh!

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I can hardly wait!

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Ooh, I'm looking forward to this!

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-Oh, it smells lovely.

-Ah!

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-Just a big piece, please!

-OK. Ha-ha!

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