Fool's Gold Pixelface

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# Life's so great in the console space

# Digitally here again

# So much more than a Pixelface

# Living in a game, living in a game

# We're playing with the same old friends

# Everybody knows our name

# We'll be here till the journey ends

# Living in a living in a game living in game, living in a game. #

Ouch, ouch, ouch,

-Ouch, ouch.

-What happened to you?

-Sporting injury.

-I thought you were playing table tennis.

We were. He won a point and tried to jump the net.

-Looked easy.

-This is the console.

Swords Of The Ancients session complete. Aethelwynne released.

-Good morning.

-What have you got there?

-This?

It's nothing, a trifle, a trivia.

A bagatelle. It's just a massive chest of gold.

# Gold, always believe in... #

Where did you get that?

A troll's cave. I think it must be a secret hoard.

Wow. Weren't you scared?

Me, scared? Please.

I'm hardly the type to come running out of a troll's cave

screaming and crying for my mummy.

Mama!

Won't he notice it's gone?

He'll probably have forgotten he ever had it at all.

Trolls have terrible memories.

They'd forget their own heads if all three weren't screwed on.

-How much do you think there is?

-That isn't even the half of it.

Bring it through now.

Careful. Set it down there.

That's amazing! Well done!

Please, I was just lucky.

Lucky, brave, athletic, highly skilled and devilishly handsome.

But don't worry, don't worry,

I shan't be keeping me fortune all to myself.

Alexia, now you can get that

diamond encrusted utility belt I know you've had your eye on.

-Fabulous!

-Claire Parker, now you can afford clothes

that don't look like they've been stolen from a burning scarecrow.

-Great.

-And Rex, finally you can do something about that smell.

Thanks!

What smell?

Don't think I've forgotten about you, little boy.

To show my gratitude for all your help,

I got you a lollipop.

I am a grown man.

Perhaps you'd like two lollipops.

I am 47 years old.

I've got a wife and three kids.

Well, then you're going to want something more substantial.

Here.

Thank you, my lord.

Just hold that, while I find something for you.

Ah, lovely bit of cheese.

There you are.

You're welcome.

Great prancing twerp.

Riley, isn't this brilliant!

You'll be able to buy yourself some new armour.

No, sir, I'm a space marine. We're trained to live on basic rations.

As my old commanding officer used to say, "Money can't buy

"you happiness, son."

Actually it was more like, "MONEY CAN'T BUY YOU HAPPINESS, SON!"

He was a loud guy.

And not forgetting you, sergeant.

-No, thanks.

-Please, I shall be offended.

All right, just one.

Actually, it is kind of beautiful.

So shiny.

What? What...

What are you looking at?

Hey, guys, what's up?

Hi, Kiki, where have you been?

Training. I've got a big dance competition coming up.

I thought I'd better get some practice in.

I've been practising for about

28 hours.

Non-stop? Are you OK?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Just thought I'd better stop dancing for a bit.

-Right. You do know you're still dancing?

-What?

If you're going to enter a competition

you should spend some of this gold on a half-decent outfit.

What's wrong with this outfit?

Nothing's wrong with it, it's just

the colours and the pattern, the fit, the style and the shape, but

apart from that, it's totally adequate.

What did she mean?

Oh, ignore her. She got out of the wrong side of the web this morning.

You stay here and try to rest. I'll be back in a minute.

What's wrong with this chair? Ouch!

Did you have to be so nasty to Kiki just now?

Why are you in such a bad mood?

-Is there something wrong?

-No!

I...

I mean...

I'm having a bit of trouble with my game.

You? Having trouble in your game?

Shush.

It's this new level.

I have to escape the catacombs

whilst being chased by these hunters.

I know what you're thinking.

It should be easy for someone with my incredible skills, right?

Only, I have no weapons because they've been taken away from me.

How can I win this level if I have no weapons?

Oh, you're on a Stealth level.

Have you tried hiding?

-Hiding?

-I have to hide all the time in my game.

Sometimes it's better not to be seen.

I don't understand. I mean, why would I not want to be seen?

For you, it's more understandable.

Does being that nasty come naturally to you,

or did you have to study for it?

-I've got a diploma.

-Makes sense.

Hiding really works.

Look over there.

Where?

Where? Claire Parker, where?

You see!

SHE GASPS

How did you do that?

It's easy, you just need to practise. I can show you.

SHE LAUGHS

Are you saying that you're better at hiding than me?

Yeah, probably.

-You can't be the best at everything, can you?

-Can't be the best!

-I'll show you who's the best. Look over there.

-OK.

Yeah, see, just because you can't see me, doesn't mean

to say I can't see you. Oh, this really is new to you, isn't it?

Oh, right.

Right.

-What about now?

-I can still see you.

Yeah.

Oh!

Rex, Rex, what are you doing?

Oh, er, this?

This is a goblin berry smoothie I made for Aethel... ah, myself.

But only elves like goblin berries. Why would you want one?

No, no, no, I'm a big fan.

Mmm.

HE SLURPS

Arghh! Arghh! Arghh!

-Delicious.

-Right.

I'll just...go and see if anyone else wants some.

What are you doing, Kiki?

Polishing my boots.

Your boots?

Yeah, of course, look.

You're not just doing favours for Aethelwynne so he'll give

you more gold, are you?

-What?

-No.

Because I'd hate to see him taking advantage of you all.

I hate it when I'm right.

Ah, Claire Parker.

Be a dear and fetch my bed socks, would you?

My toes are becoming a tad lukewarm.

There's a gold coin in it for you if you do.

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm a little bit busy having some self-respect.

Here's your smoothie.

-And your boots.

-Here you are.

Unbelievable!

Claire Parker, I'm feeling a bit of a draught.

Do you mind shutting the door and making sure you're on the

other side of it when you do.

Well, I wouldn't want you getting your tights in a twist.

HE SIGHS

ARGHHH!

I'm waiting.

No. I said the blue plate.

PLATE SHATTERS

Do it again.

My nose is too big! Do it again!

Ooh. Now that is an excellent cup of tea.

Make it again!

CUP SHATTERS

Will somebody please clean up in here?

You know this is insane, don't you?

Tell me about it. What do you expect, you pay peanuts,

you get monkeys or wombats or racoons or whatever Rex actually is.

-No.

-Would sir like to purchase this?

-Now you're talking.

-It's a Plasmatron 500, sir.

Standard space marine issue.

Riley! No! What will you do in your game without Mary Jane?

It's going to be harder fighting the massed army of alien robots,

especially if they're all armed with Blastolazers and all

I've got is this table tennis bat, but it's a risk I'm willing to take.

It's a bit grubby.

I'll give you ten coins for it.

-Ah, done!

-Riley! No!

Oi, Tinkerbell, I think you should take all that gold back.

Oh, I see, you're just jealous.

I don't suppose waitress is a handsomely paid profession.

That is not what I meant.

Just because your idea of a big pay day

is getting a 10p tip for remembering not to spill soup on someone's head.

Forget it, but don't say I didn't warn you.

Now, how does this baby work?

Try taking the safety catch off.

Arghh!

-Count it again.

-OK.

WHIRRING

362.

-Count it again.

-Oh, come on.

I've already counted it 30 times.

I'll wear out my maths circuits at this rate.

-How do I know you're not deliberately miscounting it?

-Do what?

You want to fill your pockets with my gold when I'm not looking.

Fill my pockets, I haven't got any pockets.

-I haven't even got any arms.

-Get out. Go on.

I'll count my own gold. That's it. Go on.

Sling your hook.

You too, Alexia.

What? I thought that was working.

Even I didn't know where I was.

Kiki,

what do you actually need all that money for?

The dance competition.

I'm going to need to get a new dress.

What about you?

What are you planning on spending your slave wages on?

I hadn't really thought about it.

What do you really want?

-Some apples.

-OK. Imagine you've got some apples, now what do you want?

Oh, that's easy - some more apples.

OK. Imagine you've got all the apples in the world, yeah?

Now what do you want?

-Fruit bowl.

-Right.

This is the console, Swords Of The Ancients now loading.

Would Aethelwynne please enter the game.

Sounds like the boys finished dinner early again.

He's going to get indigestion at this rate.

Cape...sword...

..teeth.

That will do.

This is for you.

Just time for a quick top up before I go. What?

Everything OK?

Yes. Fine.

This is the console. Would Aethelwynne please enter the game.

Bound to be more gold in the cave somewhere. Am I right?

Rex...

if all that gold came from inside Aethelwynne's game,

what's to say you can even spend it on the outside?

I'm sure we'll be able to.

-Won't we?

-Shall we go and find out?

Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah!

Claire Parker and Rex, what can I do for you?

I'd like a barrel of apples, please.

Ah, it appears you've reached the end of your apple allowance.

Nothing I can do I'm afraid unless you want to buy some.

Wow, what have we here?

Good weights, nice and shiny, hang on a second.

This isn't troll gold is it?

Yes, it is. How much can I get with that?

Absolutely nothing. It's worthless.

Troll gold isn't like normal gold.

It's only accepted as payment by other trolls.

The only thing trolls buy and sell is mud.

Mud?

Yes. Fortunately the gold to mud exchange rate is

right in your favour at the moment.

You have enough gold to buy a huge swampful.

This is a disaster. I better tell the others.

Hang on, aren't you taking all this gold?

You can keep it. I thought you said it was worthless.

To you maybe. What about Aethelwynne?

If it comes from his game, he's going to need it, isn't he?

What for?

Let's have a look.

Level 17, sword of the ancients.

He really is going to need it.

Riley, Riley, where are you? I've got to tell you something.

ALARM BLARES

Argh! Argh! Argh, argh, argh!

I knew it. You're after my gold.

Riley, what's going on?

I told you. His motherboard is completely fried.

Stay back, get away from the gold. Don't make me use the bats.

Riley, there's something you need to know about the gold.

It's worthless. I'm sorry.

What is this? Some kind of trick?

Argh!

KNOCK ON DOOR

Is everything OK in there?

Kiki, I'm sorry, you're not going to be able to buy that dress with

the gold after all.

What do you mean, buy a new dress?

# Gold, always believe in your soul... #

Never mind. Glamorous AND thrifty.

-Back up. Are you saying the gold is worthless?

-Yes. I'm sorry.

Look, please, let's all calm down and get back to normal.

Aargh!

Excuse me.

Aethelwynne.

What? Who, me?

Yes, I suppose that is me.

-Hello.

-I am the guardian of the gate.

Good, good.

And what a lovely gate it is.

My, haven't you guarded that well.

-Well done.

-Do you wish to pass?

No. Maybe.

I mean, if it's not too much trouble. I could come back later.

The gold.

I...

-What?

-The hoard of gold from the troll's cave. Pay me what you took

and I shall let you pass.

Ah, OK. Well, let's say, theoretically, I didn't have it.

Right, right, right.

Well, oh, do you know what,

I think I must have left it in my other tights.

I'm going pop back and get it, if that's not a problem.

-Bring me my gold!

-Certainly.

What would happen if I sort of didn't?

Flames, well, I'll be back in a bit then.

Lovely to have met you.

Bye.

Rex, old buddy, old pal, old chum, how are you?

-Fine thanks.

-Great. Great.

Listen, you don't happen to remember

a couple of coins I might have given you recently.

-What, the gold?

-Yes, yes, that's it.

Any chance I might get that back at all?

Oh, sorry. I swapped it.

Swapped it? With who?

-Claire Parker.

-What could she possibly give you

in return for all that gold?

No, no.

No, Rex. Please tell me you didn't trade in all that gold for an apple.

-No, not for an apple.

-Thank goodness.

Two apples. Oh, but you can have the rest of this one if you want.

Arghh!

Ooh, that's nice.

I don't suppose you've got any of the gold left, do you?

No, sorry, I paid it to Claire Parker in return

for this lovely motor oil Jacuzzi.

I don't believe this!

You couldn't turn it down a notch for me, could you?

I think my hard drive's starting to wrinkle.

Alexia?

Alexia?

Arghh!

Riley, please tell me you've got some of your gold left. Please.

No. I've traded it.

Traded it all with Claire Parker, of course.

Yeah. She gave me Mary Jane back.

I can't believe I was ever that stupid.

Technically, didn't I buy that from you

so technically shouldn't you give that back?

-GUN MECHANISM CLICKS

-You know what?

Keep it. It's a gift from me to you.

But please tell me you at least have some coins left.

No, I'm done with money.

You won't catch me being crazy and paranoid ever again.

ALARM BLARES

Sorry, I thought I'd taken the last of those down.

Come in.

-Hello.

-Hi.

I don't suppose you remember all that gold?

Hmmm, I think I can just about recall it.

I heard a rumour that everyone had given it all to you?

Let me think.

Oh, yes, that's right. They have. All of it.

Don't suppose I could get it back?

I'm not sure.

That doesn't seem very fair, does it?

Well, just forget it. I am not lowering myself to begging to you.

Oh, no. Elves do not beg.

It is not in their nature.

No, no begging from me.

OK. See ya.

Please can I have it back?

I beg you!

Everyone earned that money indulging you and your pathetic little whims.

If you want it back, you'll have to earn it back.

Fine. I'll do whatever you want.

How about I repair this rip in this hideous jacket of yours?

Oh, thanks, but no.

It's not me you have to earn it from.

Claire Parker, wait.

Oh, oh, if it isn't Lord Money Bags.

-Or should that be Lord Empty Money Bags?

-Have mercy.

I'm not built for manual labour.

Look at these hands.

They're made for strumming a ballad on a lyre, not picking the nits out

of a wallaby's underarm hair.

Surely I've done enough!

Can't I have my gold back?

I've hidden it.

Where?

Oh, let me think... Oh, I can't remember.

-Ouch! Ouch! Ooh! Ow! Ow! Ouch!

-Stop whining.

-How much is there?

-I think it looks like it should be enough.

Oh, I hope so.

Oh, the room's spinning.

Oh, I think one of my centrifugal cogs has come loose.

Has anyone got a flathead screwdriver?

Thank you for helping me.

-Sorry for, well, everything.

-That's OK.

No, I shouldn't have called you a waitress, that was unforgivable.

I AM a waitress.

Yes. Well done you.

I'd better get going.

How did you know I was going to need all this gold back?

I read it in your game manual.

Is it true you have to give all this to the dragon?

Yes, and I'd better get it to him quick smart, otherwise I'm toast.

Awful. I couldn't believe it when I read about the curse.

-What?

-You know, the curse the troll

puts on his gold, so if it's ever stolen, it eventually turns to dust.

Something tells me you didn't know about that.

I don't suppose you happen to read how long I have until

this curse takes effect?

I think that might be academic now.

HE SHOUTS

Don't panic.

What? This seems like a very sensible time to be panicking.

This time tomorrow you'll be spreading me with marmalade

and serving me for breakfast.

Look, just listen to me.

OK, so we may not have the gold, but I'm sure there's other things

we could take to the dragon.

But all I have is dust!

Hang on a second,

if all the gold has turned to dust, what's happened to Kiki's...

KIKI SCREAMS

-How did the dance competition go?

-Not good.

A mess.

Is this all a bad dream?

Yes, yes, it is.

Thank goodness. Wake me up when

it's all over, would you. I mustn't be late for the dance competition.

Hey, I've got an idea.

Why don't we have a whip round. We may not have any gold, but I'm sure

there are other valuable things we could take to the dragon instead.

I don't know.

Why would they do anything for me after everything I've done to them?

Well, because

they're your friends.

Go and talk to them.

Then you can come back and clear up this dust.

Achoo!

Yes! I win.

I am the best at hiding!

Great, right. What have we got?

A pile of bruised apples, a small can of engine oil.

-That's good stuff, that is.

-Some discarded leg warmers.

A broken watch, oh, and a designer handbag.

What would a dragon want with a designer handbag?

-To put his designer lipstick in, obviously.

-Obviously.

I don't mean to sound ungrateful,

but this dragon is looking for a fortune in gold.

I doubt the discarded contents of a car boot sale will be a substitute.

This is the console, Swords Of The Ancients now loading.

Will Aethelwynne please enter the game.

What am I going to do?

It will be all right.

THEY ALL TALK AT ONCE

I've got an idea. Maybe this isn't about the money.

Maybe it's about something more important.

I mean sure, you've lost all those coins, but you've found

a different kind of gold, the gold of friendship.

And if this dragon has a heart,

he's going to be able to see that you're very rich indeed.

That's a wonderful idea, Rex.

-Thank you.

-Let's just hope this dragon is stupid enough to buy it.

-Wish me luck.

-Good luck.

Good luck.

So Riley, any more money-making schemes?

No, ma'am. It's basic survival rules for me from now on.

I don't carry anything I don't need.

I only eat and drink what I can find.

Isn't that going to be a problem in here, though?

No way. This carpet fluff is pretty nutritious.

Urgh. I can always drink this water from the radiator.

-How was that?

-Great.

You ought to try drinking out of a toilet.

Not that I do that.

Well?

Hello again.

Hope you're well.

-Did you bring my gold?

-Yes.

Yes, I did.

As promised, here we are, 100 golden delicious apples.

Right, well, you enjoy those.

OK. Cheerio.

What is the meaning of this?

What?

Problem?

Well, I do have other things.

Question. Where do you currently keep your lipstick?

Lipstick?

All right, I lost the gold.

But I've found some other gold,

friendship gold, which apparently is better,

although you can't see it or something.

Oh, I messed up.

I was so busy at playing being rich, I didn't realise my friends are

the most valuable thing I've got.

But I've learned a lesson.

That's the most important thing, isn't it?

So I thought

maybe you'd let me off.

What do you say?

Shall I take that as a maybe?

# Life's so great in a console space Digitally here again

# So much more than a Pixelface Living in a game, living in... #

This is the console. Please go to the CBBC website where

the Pixelface games can now be played.