Italy Remotely Funny

Excuse me.

Welcome to Remotely Funny!

Hey, everyone, I'm Saara, and this is Remotely Funny,

the show that has the power to go anywhere in the UK.

I'm coming in wirelessly,

hijacking your home and then offering you prizes.

You can play if you're in your PJs, you can play if you're grounded,

and you can definitely play even if you've been caught

with your hands in the cookie jar. So, get out of the jar!

Today, I'm in Italy.

Where in the universe are my superhuman

Remotely Funny contestants today?

Let's meet them. First up, it's Charlotte.

-Hello, Charlotte.

-Hi!

Good to meet you.

Charlotte is 11 and from Tyne and Wear.

She collects snow globes and has over 200.

Charlotte likes spinach and artistic roller skating.

Her favourite emoji is the dancing ladies with bunny ears.

Charlotte, you've been to Italy before.

-What's worth visiting in Italy?

-Definitely the Colosseum.

-It's lovely.

-Forget the Italian, your accent is amazing.

Charlotte, I hear you live in an old chapel.

-Nice and peaceful.

-Yes.

-For sure.

-The neighbours aren't noisy!

Well, Charlotte, it is time to say hello to your first rival.

It is Alex.

Charlotte and Joanne, say hello to Alex and his squad.

Hi, Alex, and your squad!

11-year-old Alex is from East Sussex.

He once won an award for having the slickest hair.

He hates courgettes but loves street dancing

and travelling the country in his parents' campervan.

Alex, who are you with today?

I'm with my mum. And my stepdad Craig.

So, Alex. You like street dancing.

-Is that correct?

-Yeah.

-That's awesome! Show me some moves.

Teach me something.

Wooo!

OK.

Let me try it.

Finally, connecting to Catriona!

Hello, Catriona. Everyone say hello to Catriona.

Hi!

Catriona is 12 and from Glasgow.

She loves ketchup, and the smell of bath bombs.

When she grows up, she would like to either be a zoologist or an actress.

Catriona, who are you with?

I'm with my mum, my dad, my brother and my dog.

Oh, your dog! It looks like a troll from under the bridge.

I like it. Very cute.

-What's his name?

-He's an Australian Labrador and he's called Archie.

Oh! Archie, I love you already.

Catriona, where in the world have you visited and what's been your

favourite so far?

Well, I've been to ten states in America.

I love you already. Good job, Catriona!

One extra point for you. I'm joking. It is time to ditch your families.

We're getting serious.

Adults, family, leave the room.

Dogs, sisters, brothers, mums, dads, everyone leave.

Just us kids now. Charlotte, Alex, Catriona.

-Are we alone?

-Yes.

Good! It is time to talk about prizes.

Firstly, you get to hang out with me.

You're welcome. Secondly,

you get the coveted title of Remotely Funny Champion.

And, thirdly, the 60% cotton, 40% polyester mix

that is the Remotely Funny hoodie.

Look at it! But don't touch it.

This sucker's so powerful

it can heat both you and your home for a whole week.

Order yours today by winning this game.

Oooh!

Charlotte, Alex and Catriona,

show me a face that not only strikes fear into your opponents but shows

that you mean business.

Everyone do your game face at one, two, three!

Raaargh!

Wow! I don't know whether to run and hide or call for Doctor.

This is Bedroom Bonanza. The rules are simple.

I name something, and you have to collect it for me.

And the first one back with the item wins three of my delicious samojis.

Item number one.

Go get me a bath toy.

Get me a bath toy! Go!

Go! The first one back gets the three samojis, so it better be good.

Come on! Oh!

Catriona is back first.

That was kind of quick.

Alex coming in second.

Ta-da!

Did you ever actually use that in the bath?

-Yes!

-Oh, you did?

OK. I'm just going to have to take your word for that.

When was the last time you used it in the bath?

Couple of weeks ago.

OK. Well, it still counts.

Alex, what do you have there?

My little sister's bath book.

You've used your little sister's bath book in the bath?

-No.

-Catriona, you get three samojis for being back first.

-Woo!

-Congratulations. Item number two.

I want something that shows that you have an artistic side.

Come on! Get me something that shows that you have an artistic side.

It could be anything. It could be a painting.

It could be a little sculpture that you made in second grade.

I don't know. I don't care!

Bring me something that shows you have an artistic side!

I need it now. Charlotte, you were back first.

What is that?

-It's a picture.

-How does that show that you have an artistic side?

Because I appreciate the art on it.

I'll take that. Catriona, what is that?

-A make-up brush.

-Yes!

I love make-up. Make-up is an art and more people need

to understand that. Great job, Catriona.

Alex, I can see you had a little bit of a struggle there.

-What is that?

-A notepad.

I'll take it. However, Charlotte,

you get three samojis for being back first.

-Congratulations.

-Yes!

-Yes!

Item number three.

Go and get me something that has more than four colours.

Get me something that has more than four colours, guys.

Alex, come on. You're behind. What is it going to be?

And Charlotte is back first, and that is so lovely.

-What is that?

-It's a picture of me and my buddy from school.

That is so cute of you. What about you, Catriona, what do you have?

I have a make-up box!

-OK. Alex, what do you have?

-Some colouring pencils.

Ooh, OK!

That's nice. Charlotte, you were the one first back.

So you get another three samojis for that.

However, Alex, you actually got the most colourful colours.

So you're going to get one extra samoji for that.

-Whoop-whoop!

-Let's have a look at the scores after Bedroom Bonanza.

We're heading to the kitchen for Food Flash.

Everyone, to the kitchen!

Come on, guys. Come on, come on, come on!

I ain't got all day.

Back in Finland, where I'm from,

people like to experiment with food and really push those boundaries.

And that's what makes us the greatest nation on Earth.

So, for this game, I'm going to show you a Food Flash picture

of one of my favourite Finnish dishes,

and you have 45 seconds to recreate it.

Samojis for the player who makes their dish look as close

to the picture as possible.

My favourite thing about Finland is, of course, the Finnish gravy.

It's called Ruskeakastike.

I need it, or I'll stop working, like the Tin Man.

Bring the brown gold to me.

Hold it up and shout, "I love Ruskeakastike!"

-ALL:

-I love Ruskeakastike!

Good job!

Today's dish is called All We Had Left In The Fridge.

And here it is.

Today's dish is made up of baked beans, delicious onion rings,

and a freshly baked croissant with a light reduction of raisins

in a mallow of marsh jus, topped off with my favourite Finnish gravy.

Start cooking! I want you to go full Gordon Ramsay.

Shout for your parents. You're going to need all the help.

Charlotte, where are your parents?

Good job, everyone.

Good job, Catriona. Alex, put that gravy on it.

Where's the Finnish gravy? Don't you people forget the Finnish gravy.

Alex, where's your beans?

The dish includes beans!

Everyone help Alex. Alex needs help.

If anyone forgets the Finnish gravy, I will be very upset.

Five, four, three, two, one!

Stop cooking!

Catriona, hold it up to the camera.

Tell me something about your dish.

It's weird.

Did you just call my national pride weird?

What about you, Alex? Describe your dish.

-A mess.

-OK.

Charlotte, show me your dish.

-Look at you. Where is the Finnish gravy?

-I haven't got it on.

Get it on!

-Now!

-No, no, no!

Charlotte, your dish looked the closest

to the original picture. So you get three samojis.

Yes!

Congratulations.

Alex, what do you think about cooking this dish again sometime?

-Never again.

-No!

Why would that be? It is the best dish in the world.

Catriona, what do you think about Charlotte's dish?

-It looks better than mine.

-You're being honest,

and I give you one extra samoji for that.

Of course, the best part

of making All We Had Left In The Fridge is the eating.

So, bonus samojis for parents that try it.

She did it!

-She did it!

-Show me you love it!

And enjoy it. Alex's mum, what is it like?

It's different. It's really different, but not great.

-Delicious!

-Charlotte's mum.

-You seem to really enjoy that.

-I love weird food.

Yes.

Catriona, how does your mum like it?

She loves it. She thinks it's so quirky and unique and she loves it.

Everyone gets a samoji!

But the best way to enjoy All We Had Left In The Fridge

is to share it. Take it round to your neighbour as a gift.

Or, better still, give it to someone who lives a long, long,

long way away.

-Alex...

-Yes?

-Come closer to me, will you?

This is just for you. Alex,

this is your chance of winning a bonus samoji.

-How do you feel about that?

-Happy.

Good. For an extra samoji,

can you tell me who has the weirdest eating habit in your house?

My mum has a drinking habit!

I didn't mean it like that! I meant, like, strawberry milk.

That is not the correct answer.

The correct answer was your dad, and he smacks his lips while eating.

Where are you, my lovely samojis?

It's time to lighten the load.

And by that I mean, Toilet Takedown.

Everyone to the bathroom. Everyone, take me there.

Pick up your little legs and take me to the bathroom.

Gosh, Italian words are great.

Even their word for toilet sounds delicious.

Gabinetto - I would definitely eat a gabinetto. Anyway, in this round,

I want you to write your answers on the loo roll.

There's three samojis up for grabs, and here comes the question.

How many litres does a 50m Olympic-sized swimming pool contain?

How many litres does that pool contain?

What do you guys think? Write your answers and don't show me yet.

How many litres?

Now, come to the screen and hold your answers up.

Charlotte, what does yours say?

5,000.

What about you, Catriona?

5,000.

OK, and, Alex?

-200.

-The correct answer is 2.5 million litres.

Come on, everyone.

Charlotte and Catriona,

you both got the closest answers so you both get three samojis!

-Congratulations.

-Yes!

While we're here, let's watch Loo Tube.

Check this out.

What? Oh, my... Let me see that again.

Show me your best waving bear impression.

Well, for an extra samoji,

I'm going to ask you a question, and the first to flush the loo gets to

answer. What colour was the woman's jumper who was waving at the bear?

Catriona?

-Was it red?

-It's a reddy-pink colour.

Catriona, you get one samoji for that.

-Good job.

-Yay!

-OK.

Charlotte, come closer.

Just you, Charlotte. This is just for you.

I'm feeling generous.

For an extra samoji, can you tell me

what your mum's weirdest habit is?

She has a chocolate fix on a Saturday.

And I put Chariots Of Fire on so she eats her chocolate bar really,

-really slowly.

-Yes. That's weird, Charlotte.

Your mum's weird. So, you're going to get one extra samoji for that.

Let's check those all-important scores.

Well, everyone ready to partito with me?

Hit the lounge. Hit the living room.

Let's play Remotely Funny Families.

Come on, Alex. We ain't got all day.

Charlotte, Alex and Catriona,

it's nice to see you've been joined by your families.

However, you might not be so happy once they've played the next game.

Before that, it is Catriona's chance to win a bonus samoji.

Come a bit closer, Catriona.

Earlier, I asked your mum

what you thought about her singing and dancing.

So, for one extra samoji, can you tell me what she said?

That it's embarrassing?

I'll take that as an answer but what she ACTUALLY said was that you told

her that she's too old to dance and sing.

You still get an extra samoji for that. Congratulations. Contenders,

find something your parents can use as a microphone.

Oh, yes!

Catriona, what microphone have you chosen?

-Remote control.

-Hmm, for both.

Great. Alex, what is that?

-Banana.

-It's a banana.

I like that.

Charlotte, what's the microphone you got her?

-A hairbrush.

-Perfect. Perfect.

OK. Parents.

Remember, you're performing like your kid's pride depends upon it.

Which it does. So...

I'm going to play each of you a song, and when the music stops

you need to finish the lyrics. Just remember, performance matters.

I'll also be awarding points for how into it you are.

And, by that, I mean if you're totally embarrassing,

plus one for overall style.

So, Charlotte's mum, you're going first.

Oh, Mum!

Play the song.

# ..raising our hands Shining up to the sky

# Cos we got the fire, fire, fire Yeah, we got the fire, fire, fire

# Gonna let it burn, burn, burn, burn

-# We're gonna let it burn, burn, burn! #

-Oh! Keep on.

# We're gonna let it burn, burn, burn, burn

# We're gonna let it burn, burn, burn, burn. #

Yes!

Good job! Here's what it SHOULD sound like.

# Cos we got the fire, fire, fire

# Yeah, we got the fire, fire, fire

# And we gonna let it burn, burn, burn, burn

# We gonna let it burn... #

Alex's mum, you're going to have to top that.

-You ready?

-OK!

-Hit the music.

# ..hide them, hide them From me, na-na-na, all right...

# You came in like a wrecking ball...

# I never did you wrong... #

-OK, well...

-I don't know that one.

Keep it going! Remember that performance matters!

# You came in like a wrecking ball!

# Bom-bom!

# I never did you wrong

# Bom-bom! #

Well, you know, at least you gave me

some type of performance, Alex's mum.

Good job.

Here's what it SHOULD sound like.

# Come and get it if you really want it

# Come and get it if you really need it

# Come and get it if you really want it... #

And, finally, last but let's hope not least, Catriona's mum.

Go, track!

# Do you need me? Do you think I'm pretty?

# Do I make you feel like cheating?

# And I'm like, no, not really cos...

-# Oh, I think that I found myself a cheerleader... #

-Yes!

-# Always right there when I need her... #

-Yes!

# I found myself a cheerleader!

# She's always right there when I need her. #

Here's what it SHOULD sound like.

# Oh, I think that I've found myself a cheerleader

# She is always right there when I need her. #

I think Catriona deserves three samojis for that!

Charlotte's mum, you get one samoji for overall style.

Alex's mum, you get one samoji for cringe.

Because you tried. Even though you didn't know the song.

OK, well... OK, gang, time to relive the embarrassment -

I mean, award-winning performances, of course.

Let's loop it.

-# Burn, burn, burn...

-Raaa!

-Cheerleader!

-# Burn, burn, burn...

-Raaa!

-Cheerleader!

-# Burn, burn, burn...

-Raaa!

-Cheerleader! #

Well, that round left me quite impressed by everyone, so,

let's have a look at the samojis.

Say goodbye to your families.

They've served their purpose.

Bye, families! Get out of the room!

Go away!

Everyone out! Except for Alex, Catriona and Charlotte, of course!

Go and get a buzzer.

Grab anything you can find that makes a cool noise.

I've got mine!

RATTLING, JINGLING

CLANG! TINKLING!

Wonderful. Players,

it all now depends on you!

This is your last chance to rack up those all-important samojis.

So, focus. Everyone come closer to the screen.

This game is called Say What You Seemojis.

Look at my samojis and tell me what they're meant to represent.

First person to buzz in and answer correctly wins the samojis.

Well, let's go to the first one of my Say What You Seemojis.

It's a sporting event.

Catriona, you were in first.

-What is it?

-Tour de France.

Yes! Three samojis for you.

Good job. Next one.

It is a CBBC TV show, OK?

Charlotte, what is it?

I missed the bus?

I'll take that. It's correct enough.

The actual answer is Whoops, I Missed The Bus!

Three samojis for you.

-Yes!

-Our last one is a song.

Let's see it.

Charlotte, what is it?

-Uptown Funk.

-Yes!

You get another three samojis.

-Yes!

-Look at you, Charlotte. You're on fire.

So now, I can reveal the final score.

Today's Remotely Funny winner is...

..Charlotte.

Yes!

Yes, yes, yes!

You did it! Charlotte,

I will be sending you a fantastico Remotely Funny hoodie.

Alex and Catriona, you don't go home empty-handed.

We'll be sending you a priceless artefact.

A Remotely Funny souvenir.

And, Charlotte, because you won,

we're going to give your mum a chocolate bar

so she can eat it this Saturday.

CHARIOTS OF FIRE THEME

Get your families back in the room. Call them in!

-Mum!

-Big, big, big thanks to you, Charlotte, Alex and Catriona.

And to your families for letting me cause mayhem around your homes.

I loved it. You've been immense,

it's been remote and I'd like to think we've all been pretty funny.

Play the music! Arrivederci.

Can you get Archie to dance too?