Denmark Remotely Funny

SHE SPEAKS IN ANOTHER LANGUAGE

Oh, hi.

Welcome to Remotely Funny!

-# Na na-na na na na-na na na-na

-Whoo-whoo!

-# Na na-na na na na-na na na-na

-Whoo-whoo!

-# Na na-na na na na-na na na-na

-Whoo-whoo!

-# Na na-na na na na-na na na-na

-Whoo-whoo!

-# Na na-na na na na-na na na-na

-Whoo-whoo!

# Ooooooh

# Yeah! #

Hey, everyone! I'm Saara, and this is Remotely Funny,

the show that has the power to go anywhere in the UK.

I'm coming in wirelessly,

hijacking your home and then offering you prizes.

You can play if you're in your PJs, you can play if you're grounded,

and you can definitely play if you're off school sick,

as long as you're not going to actually BE sick.

Today, I'm in Denmark.

And if I'm here,

where exactly are my brave Remotely Funny contestants today?

Let's meet them.

First up, it's Eve.

-BOTH:

-Hi!

Eve is 11, and from the Scottish Borders.

She likes sewing, and has even made her own dresses.

She loves watching old movies

and cycling long distances.

-Tell me who's with you today.

-My mum.

-What's her name?

-Her name's Marie.

Nice to meet you, Marie.

Hi.

So, I heard you're a big fan of Shakespeare.

Yeah.

Do you have a favourite line from one of his plays?

Probably "to be or not to be".

I know it's, like, a really cheesy one

that mostly everyone knows, but I like it.

I like it. I like it, too.

It's simple, it's clear, it makes sense.

Eve, you're smart. I like you.

So, it is time to meet...

Katya!

-ALL:

-Hi!

Hi, Katya.

Katya is ten years old and from Hertfordshire.

She sings in a choir, and once sang in London's Royal Albert Hall.

She plays violin and loves gymnastics.

Who are you with today?

I'm with my mum,

my dad and my sister, Helen.

So, Katya, your mum is German and your dad is Italian.

How did they meet?

Was it at a Eurovision Song Contest party?

-Yay!

-No!

It was on a train.

Beautiful. Sounds very romantic.

Finally, we're connecting to Amy.

-Everyone say hello to Amy!

-Hi!

-Hi, Amy.

-Hi, Amy, how are you doing?

-Good.

Amy is ten, and from County Antrim in Northern Ireland.

She once won the title

of Cheerleader Of The Year.

She has two pet hamsters

and loves ketchup - on all her food.

-Who are you with?

-I'm with my mum.

Amy, you are a cheerleader.

Can you show me a Remotely Funny cheer chant?

# Remotely Funny is the best

# Let's go Remotely Funny! #

Yes!

That's what I like to hear, Amy.

Amy's mum - Remotely Funny is a very competitive show,

and how will we know when Amy is concentrating hard?

-The tongue will be out, nearly touching the nose.

-Oh!

Can you show me that, Amy?

That's the concentration face.

Let's everyone try to do her concentrating face.

Ugh, ugh...

My tongue...

My tongue is literally the shortest tongue in the universe,

but I'm not mad at that.

OK, players, this is a contest,

and only one of you will be victorious.

It's game on. All adults, leave the room.

All family members, leave the room.

Except for my contestants, of course.

Everyone, leave the room!

All right, Katya, Eve and Amy,

let me tell you about the glittering prize up for grabs.

Firstly, the acclaim of being

crowned a Remotely Funny champion.

Secondly, this one-of-a-kind Remotely Funny hoodie -

apart from the other 200 we made.

I'm joking.

Look at it - in all its glory.

You could wear it to Hoodie Con,

the world's biggest hoodie convention.

Order yours today,

by winning this game.

OK, players - do your best game faces.

Argh!

Raaar!

-That is creepy.

-Rrr!

Wow, you girls are totally unladylike. I love that.

This is Bedroom Bonanza.

The rules are simple.

I name something, and you get it for me.

I like this game.

The first one back with the item

wins three of my prized samojis.

I also like to give them out

if you surprise me with something crazy or creative.

Item number one.

Go get me someone else's hairbrush.

Come on, who's it going to be?

Who's going to be back first? Is it going to be

Amy or Katya or Eve...?

Come on, come on!

And Katya is back first, with a lovely hairbrush.

Amy, Eve, where are you?

Oh! And there we go.

Amy is coming in as a good number two.

Eve, where are you?

Oh, there she is!

-Katya, whose hairbrush is that?

-My mum's.

OK, well, Katya,

you were back first, so you get three samojis for that.

-Whoo!

-Yes!

Item two.

Find something you would take with you

to the International Space Station.

Come on, let's go!

What's it going to be?

It could be anything. Use your mind, use your brain.

OK, Amy is back first.

Amy.. I see what you have here.

You want to keep yourself entertained, don't you?

Eve, what do you have?

-Jacket.

-Interesting.

Do you think it's colder

at the Space Station, or warmer than here?

-I'm in Scotland, so probably warmer.

-I'll take that.

Katya, what do you have there

and why would you take it with you?

My elephant teddy.

Cos...I love him!

Katya, your elephant is very sweet.

Well, Amy, it's going to be three samojis for you,

for being back first.

Item three. The largest thing you can find

that is green.

Come on!

Interesting.

Amy, is that really the largest thing you could find?

Yep.

OK, well, you know, it's a good size. What is it?

-A turtle!

-OK.

Eve, what about yours?

It's kind of big.

It's just a big crocodile.

OK. I like that.

Katya, what is that?

It's a cushion.

Well, it looks very comfortable. I love cushions.

Eve, you were back first,

so you're getting three samojis!

-Yay!

-Yes.

However, Katya,

because I love cushions,

you're getting one extra samoji.

-Yay!

-Yes.

Let's have a look at the scores.

Amy and Eve are tied on three.

But Katya's in the lead

with four samojis.

Congratulations.

I'm ready for a nose in the kitchen.

It is time for Food Flash.

# Oooooh

# Yeah! #

Let's go to the kitchen.

Go to the kitchen - now!

Pick me up. Take me there.

Come on, people, you've got samojis to win,

and only four more chances to do it!

So, for this game,

I'm going to show you a Food Flash picture

of one of my favourite Finnish dishes,

and you have 45 seconds to recreate it.

Samojis for the player who makes their dish look

as close to the picture as possible.

My favourite thing about Finland, of course, is the Finnish gravy.

It's called ruskeakastike.

I carry a bottle with me wherever I travel.

Show me you've got the bottle.

Bring it close, I want to sniff it.

Repeat after me - "I love ruskeakastike!"

I love ruskavasta...

Awesome.

Today's dish is called Holdigagadoogero.

And here it is.

This beautiful creation

features bagels delicately placed together

with pink and blue icing.

Decorated with only the finest marshmallows,

the delicious party rings form the tower windows.

With the inedible party hat

blending in seamlessly to top it off.

The crushed cheese balls that form the moat are the work of a genius.

And my beloved Finnish gravy finishes it off perfectly,

as always.

APPLAUSE

Start cooking!

Go! Start.

You're a top chef,

and shout orders at your mum, dad...

Come on, everybody.

Come on!

You only have a couple of seconds left.

KLAXON Stop cooking.

Everyone, stop cooking.

Put everything down.

Let's take a look at those finished dishes.

Katya, bring it close to me. Eve, Amy, show those dishes!

Let's see what you've made,

see what you've created.

Katya, give me a little description on this dish.

Wooskadazee...

CRASH

Fallen over!

I appreciate the effort.

Eve, tell me something about your dish.

It has tons of doughnuts and cheese.

Interesting.

Amy... I quite like YOUR dish.

Tell me something about it.

It's the Leaning Tower of Bagels!

Beautiful.

Amy and Eve,

you get one samoji each

because you remembered the gravy.

However, Katya,

your dish was the closest-looking one

to the actual picture.

So you get three samojis.

Whaaa!

Yes.

I need proof it tastes as good as it should.

Bonus samojis for parents

who convince me they love it.

Get them to eat it.

Get your parents to eat it!

-Mm...!

-Very delicious, huh?

Have a bite.

Fantastic. Never had anything like it.

Mmm, that Finnish gravy! Mmm.

Great job, everyone. All the parents tasted it,

so that's a bonus samoji for everyone.

THEY CHEER

Amy - get close to the screen, please.

How well do you think you know your family?

-Very well.

-OK.

Well, for an extra samoji,

who did your mum say she fights with over the comfy seat in the lounge?

Me.

Yes! You get an extra samoji for that. Good job.

Apparently you DO know your family quite well.

Enough of this food nonsense.

It's time for samojis.

Eve has 5.

Amy has 6.

But still in the lead is Katya,

with 8 samojis.

And as they say here in Denmark,

I'm busting for the, uh...

toilet.

Yes, the word is exactly the same.

It's time for Toilet Takedown!

Everyone head to their toilets.

Come on, people - you've got samojis to win,

and only four more chances to do it!

Do not go for a wee-wee.

No-no wee-wee.

OK, everyone,

here comes the question.

And write your answers

on the loo roll.

If you don't know the answer -

and I'd be amazed if you do -

just guess.

So the question is:

In what year

was the first flushing toilet invented?

Write your answers.

So, in what year was the first flushing toilet invented?

And don't show me yet.

I don't want to see it!

KLAXON OK, does everyone have an answer?

Everyone show your numbers.

Amy, what does yours say?

-1927.

-Interesting. What about you, Eve?

1949.

-Katya?

-1973.

It's such a bad guess!

Katya... That is a very cute guess, I might say.

However, Amy came the closest,

because the correct answer is 1596.

Amy, that's three samojis for you.

Yeah! Give me that movement.

I fancy a bit of LooTube. Check this out.

And stop.

I'm going to ask you a question about this video,

and the first one to flush the loo gets to answer.

For an extra samoji...

tell me, what do you think happens next?

-Eve!

-I think the cat falls off the car.

Let's have a look.

Miaow!

Well, Eve, that was the correct answer,

because the cat jumps and falls off.

The cat wasn't harmed, though.

You see him running down there after that?

-You get an extra samoji for that, Eve.

-Whoo!

And Eve...can you come a little closer to me? Just Eve.

This is just for you.

Eve, you've got the chance to win an extra samoji.

How well do you think you know your family?

Because earlier, we asked your mum:

Who spends the most time singing in the shower?

What was her answer?

-My dad.

-Yes!

Good job! You get an extra samoji for that.

-Whoo!

-Because that was correct.

Toilet Takedown over.

So, let's have a look at the scores.

Eve has 7, Katya has 8,

and in the lead now is Amy,

with 9 samojis.

Take me to that comfy seat.

Let's play Remotely Funny families.

Off to the living room, everyone. Take me to the living room!

Come on, everyone, I don't have all day.

We're halfway through the game, but there's no time to relax.

Let's go!

Girls, good to see you have backup,

because it's time for YOU to take a back seat.

This is your parents' big chance

to shine - on the living room stage.

Katya, come closer, will you?

I'll give you an extra samoji

if you can tell me what your mum likes to sing at karaoke.

Mamma Mia.

Yes!

You get an extra samoji for that. Good job.

Whoo!

So, unfortunately for you girls, we're just going to find out

how good your parents are at singing.

Parents, are you ready to finish the lyrics?

I don't know!

Great.

Contenders, find something your mums and dads can use as microphones.

Could be anything.

What is that, Eve?

It's a harmonica.

I like that choice! What about you, Amy?

-A TV remote.

-Perfect.

Katya, what do you have?

-Pens.

-That works fine.

Parents, I'm going to play each of you a song,

and when the music stops,

you need to finish the lyrics

and, if you don't know the lyrics, make them up!

Cos I'll also be awarding points for your performance style.

Katya's mum, you're going first.

Play the song.

# All these lights

# They can't blind me

# With your love

# Nobody can drag me down... #

KLAXON

-# Down

-# Nah nah

# Nobody can drag me down, down, down

-Yeah!

-# I have no idea...

Yes!

# Nobody can drag me down.

Yes! Yes, please!

# Nobody can drag me down! #

Ja, bitte. Great.

# Nobody, nobody! #

Whoo-whoo.

-Your vocals are exquisite.

-Thank you.

So, here's what it SHOULD have sounded like.

MUSIC: Drag Me Down by One Direction

# Nobody, nobody

# Nobody can drag me down... #

Amy's mum, it is your turn.

Hit the music!

-SHE MIMES

-# So caught up in my job

# Didn't see what's going on But now I know

-SHE MIMES

-# I'm better sleepin' on my own... #

So... KLAXON

# If you like the way

# You look that much

# Oh, baby, you can go and love yourself... #

Yes. Girl, preach!

# And if you like the way

# You look that much

# Oh, baby, you can go and love yourself. #

Yes, love yourself!

Everyone looking at this,

just love yourself, OK? I was definitely moved by that.

-Amy's mum, you were nearly word perfect.

-Thanks!

But here's the real deal.

MUSIC: Love Yourself by Justin Bieber

# If you like way you look that much

# Oh, baby, you should go and love yourself... #

No pressure, Eve's mum. Go, track!

# It's not the end of the world

# Yeah, we've all been there before

# And it goes oh... #

I feel it in my bones.

OK, come on.

# I've no idea what the lyrics are

# But they're all the same cos they're in a jar

# Oh, oh oh-oh

-# Oh, oh oh-oh... #

-Yes!

# I'm travelling down the road in my car

-# Ooh ooh-ooh... #

-Ooh!

I like that cheekiness you got there.

Good job, Eve's mum. Good job.

Lyrically, Marie should have been more like this...

MUSIC: Hey Everybody! by 5 Seconds Of Summer

# Hey, everybody

# We don't have to live this way... #

Eve, are you embarrassed at all?

-Yes.

-Awesome job.

In that case,

Eve's mum gets one samoji for cringe.

Whoo-hoo!

Amy's mum,

I'm going to have to give you three samojis for being so on-point.

Katya's mum, it was beautiful,

but it wasn't beautiful enough.

OK, peeps, let's loop.

# You can go and love yourself.. #

# Down, down, down... #

# Oh oh-oh oh oh... #

# No, baby... #

# Nobooooody! #

# Oh, oh oh... #

-# Don't, baby...

-# Nobooooody! #

Wow, everyone. That was amazing.

So, it's time for samojis.

Eve has 8, Katya has 9,

but Amy is out in front

with 12 samojis.

See you, Mum, see you, Dad.

Everyone out - no more help needed.

OK, players, it is your last chance

to win big.

This game is called Say What You Seemojis.

Look at my samojis and tell me what they're meant to represent.

First person to buzz in and answer correctly

wins the sought-after samojis.

You'll need a buzzer for this,

so go and grab something

that makes a pretty loud noise.

I sure got mine!

(Squeak, ugly duckling, squeak.)

IT SQUEAKS QUIETLY Yeah!

BELL RINGS

What is it?

-It's a cow bell.

-Beautiful.

What about you, Amy? What's your buzzer, can you show me it?

IT RATTLES

What is that?

-A cup filled with pasta.

-OK. Interesting.

I've had that one before. It's a good one, though.

Eve, what is your buzzer?

An upside-down fish-food box.

SHE TAPS

I think that's going to work,

if you tap it loudly enough.

OK. First one. Say what you seemoji.

BELL RINGS

OK. Katya. What is it?

-Fire Alarm.

-No!

Not quite.

Amy, you were in second, what do you think it is?

-Fire Time?

-No!

Not that either.

Eve, what do you think it is?

That was what Katya was going to say.

Oh, OK.

In that case, no-one gets a samoji,

because the right answer was Alarm Clock.

Next one - it is a TV show.

Eve, you were first.

Is it Around The World In 80 Days?

No, Eve, that's the wrong answer.

What about you, Katya, what do you think it is?

Fly Around The World?

No.

Amy, what is it?

All Over The Place?

Yes, Amy. You get three samojis for that. Good job.

OK, everyone, the final one is a song.

Eve, what do you think it is?

-Is it Call Me Maybe?

-Yes!

Good job, Eve.

You get three samojis for that.

Game over, girls.

It is time for me to reveal...

..today's Remotely Funny winner is...

..Amy!

-Yes!

-Congratulations, Amy.

Whoo, whoo-whoo!

That's a Finnish celebration.

This is my Viking one.

# Ahhhh! #

Anyway - Amy, I will be sending you the main prize.

The coveted Remotely Funny hoodie.

Eve and Katya, you don't go home empty-handed,

you'll get a highly collectible Remotely Funny souvenir.

SHE GASPS

Get your families back in the room!

Shout for your parents and brothers and siblings

and sisters and everyone.

Big, big, big thanks to you,

Eve, Amy and Katya,

and your families, for letting me

loose around your homes.

You've been immense, it's been remote

and we've all been pretty funny.

Play the music!

Farvel!

-# Na na-na na na na-na na na-na

-Whoo-whoo!

Everyone dance!

-# Na na-na na na na-na na na-na

-Whoo-whoo!

-# Na na-na na na na-na na na-na

-Whoo-whoo!

Good job, Eve's mum!

-# Na na-na na na na-na na na-na

-Whoo-whoo!

Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

-# Na na-na na na na-na na na-na

-Whoo-whoo!

# Ohhhhh

# Yeah! #