Brokenwind Remotely Funny

..98, 99, 100.

Oh, hi!

This is what's on today's Remotely Funny.

-Ow!

-Spam, spam, spam, spam.

Boo!

What do you mean it looks fake?

Welcome to Remotely Funny.

Ohhhh, yeah!

LIVELY MUSIC PLAYS

Yeah!

Hey, everyone, I'm Saara and this is Remotely Funny.

The game show that gives me the keys to your front door,

allows me to raid your fridge and peek in your wardrobe.

After travelling the world as part of a team of scientists,

collecting rare and unusual semojis, I've decided that the UK is the

place for me and today I am coming to you from Brokenwind in Scotland.

You people live in the funniest places, I swear.

Listen to these names. I love being out in the open air.

BREAKING WIND

SHE INHALES

It's just so fresh.

Anyway, if I am in Brokenwind, where are my Remotely Funny players?

Let's have a look. Up first is Grace. Hello, Grace's team.

Hello!

Hi, I'm Grace from the West Midlands and this is my team. This is my mum.

She learned to horse ride and water-ski at the age of 40.

This is my best friend Hayley.

She loves rollercoasters.

And this is Hayley's mum.

She is Canadian and has come up face-to-face with a live moose.

ALL: Top banana!

Great. I'm really loving the banana theme.

Let's see who you are up against.

It's Molly.

CHEERING

Hi, I'm Molly from Middlesbrough and this is my mum

and she makes the best cup of tea.

-This is my brother and he is my best friend.

-Aw!

This is my sister and she is the ginger.

I'm Ginger, I'm proud. This is my home crowd.

We work, we play, together we are known as Molly's puppets!

Wah, wah.

-Uh, Grace's team, say hello to Molly's Mob. ALL:

-Hi, Molly's Mob!

-Tada!

-And finally,

-it's CBBC's Rhys Stephenson.

-Hey!

Hi!

Hi, I'm Rhys from East London and this is my team. Wooo!

We've got my sister, Zani, who is a cheerleader and loves to travel.

She's very scared of pigeons. Can't stand them.

We've got my cousin over here who loves to dance.

Can't stand watching sad films, just makes her cry too much.

We've got my aunt Jo who makes the most amazing cake and loves

singing Gospel songs.

Let's begin! We're going to win.

We're the best. We'll put you to the test!

Go, team!

Wow! Sounds like a sports team, I like that.

Let me tell you what one of you will be winning today.

It's the Remotely Funny hoodie.

This is everything you want from a high-end fashion item -

overpriced, hard to get.

Strut with confidence by winning this head-turning hoodie today.

OK, teams, it's time to leave your worries

and fears at the front door.

To the kitchen!

Going to the kitchen!

Going to the kitchen!

RANDOM SINGING

Today's show is sponsored by ruskeakastike -

a gravy substitute for real gravy.

It's time for Kitchen LOLympics.

And the sport of choice today is... Let's Bounce.

Come on!

Three semojis to the team who can get the most ping-pong balls

in the basket.

The balls must bounce at least once on the surface in front

of you before landing in the basket.

There is also sweet golden bonus ball moment.

Get that golden nugget in the basket

and you will win three extra semojis.

So who are my basket heads today?

Grace, you have chosen Hayley's mum to collect the balls.

-Why is that?

-She has a very steady head.

-Very round as well.

-It's very round.

Rhys, what about your team?

They didn't want to mess their hair up so

-Aunt Jo was the likely candidate.

-Molly?

We've always really wanted to shoot a ball into her head

and now we have the opportunity to do it.

That actually makes me really happy. That's a great answer.

Let's bounce. Go!

SHOUTING AND LAUGHING

Go, go! Yay!

SHOUTING

-BANGING

-Ow!

CHEERING

Yay! Yay!

Go, go, go, go!

If this was an Olympic sport, you guys would be smashing it.

There are still balls left.

Seven, six, five,

Four, three, two, one. Time is up.

Stop throwing those balls.

CHEERING

Team captains, it is time to throw the golden ball.

Molly.

Aw!

Rhys, no pressure.

Ohhhhh!

I'm sorry, Rhys. Grace.

Throw your golden ball.

CHEERING

Wooooo!

Let's see who's got the most balls.

Nice. Well done.

The winner is Grace with 14 balls.

Also Grace's team is getting three extra semojis for the

golden ball, so congratulations for that as well - great job. Molly.

Come a little closer, will you?

It's time for our first bonus game of Guess What I'm Thinking.

All you've got to do is find the item in the kitchen that I'm

thinking of.

OK?

Think, think, think!

I'm trying to send it to you.

Do you think you have it?

Go and get it.

You have ten seconds to bring it back to me

and we will see if you got it right.

Come on, come on, use your head.

Think!

-A pan!

-What makes you think that?

The kitchen is the main place you cook

and you can't cook without a pan.

OK. It is time to reveal what I was actually thinking about.

So, no! The item I was thinking about was a wooden spoon.

-Aw!

-Let's see what that has done to the scores.

Molly and Rhys have yet to score.

But taking an early lead is Grace,

with six semojis.

Nice. Nice.

It is time for Toilet Takedown.

FLUSHING

I want you to move to the toilet in the style of a businessman

late for an important meeting.

Yes, sir, I will get this spreadsheet for you on Monday.

-Yes, yes.

-This is a very important meeting.

I'm late...

Molly, does that say "toilet" behind you?

-Yes.

-Show him it.

Just in case someone gets confused.

Which one is the toilet? Ah! It's the one with the sign.

I thought it was the sink.

-I like that.

-I'm going to ask you all a question.

You will have ten seconds to answer the question.

You need to write down the answer on the loo roll.

Collector Charlotte Lee has the largest collection of rubber

duckies in the world - how many different rubber ducks

does she have?

OK, time is ticking.

How many rubber duck does she have?

HOOTER

Now, pens down.

What did you write?

I've gone for a clean 40,000.

25,000.

The correct answer is...

..5,631 different rubber ducks.

No!

Three semojis for Grace!

-Grace, congratulations.

-Yay!

It's time for the race to end all races. It's Wind Up Warriors.

Christmas has come early for these three festive foes.

These ultimate rivals have been asking for a rematch

since Boxing Day.

It's Santa, Pete the Penguin

and Mr Snowman going head-to-head in ice-cold competition.

But who will bag the present of their lives

and who will be leaving with the loser's lump of coal?

This is...

Santa, Snowman or the Penguin?

-I'll have the Penguin.

-Why are you going with Penguin?

-He makes nice noises.

-Molly?

-Erm, the Snowman.

-Why would you pick the Snowman?

Because I like snowmen but I can never make one

so I like to look at them.

Rhys, that means that you get Santa.

To deliver that many toys in one night,

he's got to be pretty quick.

Are you ready for the race of your life?

-Yes.

-Yeah.

-Yes.

Call your team to the bathroom.

-OK, Zani, get in. OK.

-Let's see who will wind up the winner.

Get ready.

Three, two, one. Go!

Come on, come on, cheer on!

CHEERING

KLAXON

CHEERING

Let's watch that again.

Congratulations, Rhys. Three semojis for you for that.

Yes!

Now, it's time for another bonus semoji.

Rhys, it's time for your bonus game of Guess What I'm Thinking.

Molly, any advice for Rhys on how to read my mind?

Think of everything.

-Rhys, come closer and look me in the eye.

-Yeah.

Put your finger on your temple,

I am trying to send you something here so...

Trying to make it as easy as possible.

-Do you know what I am thinking?

-I think so.

If you've got it, go get it.

You have 10 seconds to bring it back - go, go, go, go, go!

Gooooooo!

Three, two, one. Zero!

OK, time is up, what did you bring me?

I brought you shower gel.

It's time to see what I was actually thinking of.

BUZZER

-I said toothbrush!

-THEY GROAN

I said toothbrush! I said this!

-THEY LAUGH

-Urgh!

I know your pain, Rhys. I know your pain.

It's time to check in with the semojis scoreboard.

Molly is saving her best performance for the next round.

Rhys is off the mark with three.

-Yes! Yes!

-THEY CHEER

And Grace is streaking ahead with nine semojis.

THEY CHEER

To the lounge! It's time for Remotely Funny Families.

Today is the hugely embarrassing Your Singing's Pants.

One of the oldies on your team will have to listen to a track

and sing it back to you.

Semoji for correctly guessing the song title.

But it's not as easy as that, guys.

We want them to sing using only one word.

-Grace, who's playing for you today and why?

-My mum.

Because she knows most songs. I think she'll be pretty good at it.

OK, can you do this? # La, la, la, la, la, la, la, laa! #

-Oh! Oh!

-Wow! Oh, yeah!

-# La, la, la, la, la, laa! #

SMASHING GLASS

I would give you an extra semoji but it's not in the script, so I can't.

Molly, who's going into battle for you?

My mum, because she knows a lot of tracks

and I've heard her singing from the back of the cab car

and she's very, very good.

Only from the back of a cab car, but never otherwise in public.

-LAUGHS

-No.

-No!

Rhys, I think you should play this game.

Everyone wants to see a celebrity look ridiculous.

HE LAUGHS

Do you have any previous singing experience?

I mean, I did loads of musical theatre shows in school and stuff.

I hear you do a great pigeon impression.

HE COOS Oh, my goodness!

Wow! That's amazing!

Wow, you even move your head in the right manner.

That's amazing. Wow. Grace's mum, you're going up first.

I'm going to play you a track

through your Remotely Funny headphones.

And your word is the reason this game got its name - pants.

Put the earphones on and have a listen to this.

KLAXON

# Pants, pants, pants, pants

# Pa-pa-pa pants, pants, pants, pants

# Pants, pants, pants, pants

# Pa-pa-pa pants, pants, pants, pants... #

-I know, I know, I know!

-I know what it is!

Mom, that was beautiful. I was really impressed.

Grace. What's the song title?

Is it Lush Life by Zara Larsson?

Yes! THEY CHEER

Three semojis to you for guessing the song correctly. Nice.

Great work. THEY CHEER

Now, so, here's how it should have sounded.

# It was a crush

# But I couldn't, couldn't get enough

# It was a rush But I gave it up... #

-ALL:

-# Pants, pants, pants, pants... #

That was beautiful. THEY CLAP

Molly, it's your mom's turn. You're up next.

And your word is bum. KLAXON

# Bum, bum, bum, bu-bum, bu-bum

# Bu-bum, bu-bum, bu-bum, bu-bum

# Bum

# Bum, bum, bum, bum... #

I know it! I know it! I know it! I know!

# Bum-bum, bum-bum, bum-bum, bu-u-um... #

Wow. Molly, what's the name of the song?

# Hello from the other si-i-ide!#

You get three semojis. THEY CHEER

-Finally!

-How do you feel about your mum saying "bum" so much?

Well, at first I was a little bit shocked, but then...

It's a bit weird but I kind of got into it

once I knew what the song was.

-And now here's how Adele wanted it to really sound.

-Yey!

-# Hello ALL:

-# Bum

-# It's me ALL:

-# Bum bum

# I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet...#

Now, Rhys, you've put your shades on and everything! Wow!

He just... His confidence is through the roof!

Your word is burp. KLAXON

# Burp, burp, burp, burp, burp

# Burp, burp, burp, burp, burp... #

Just hold on! Yes! That's it!

# Burp, burp, bur-burp, bur-burp

# Burp, burp, burp, burp

# Burp, burp, burp, burp, burp

# Burp, burp, burp, burp, burp... #

Great. Great job, Rhys. What was he singing?

-Is it Just Hold On?

-Yeah! Three semojis!

THEY CHEER Three semojis!

-Yes! Yes!

-Boom!

-Boom!

And here's how it actually sounds.

# Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh,

# If it all goes wrong

-ALL:

-# Burp, burp, burp, burp

# Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh

-# Darling, just hold on ALL:

-# Burp, burp, burp, burp... #

Please! Enough already. Your singing really is pants.

Grace. It's time for our final bonus game of Guess What I'm Thinking.

-Are you ready for this?

-Yeah.

-You got it?

-Hmm. Yeah.

-Go get it.

You have ten seconds to bring back the thing I'm thinking of.

Come on, come on, come on, come on! You got it?

Why did you think I was thinking about a remote?

Everybody's got a remote control in their house.

Well, it's time to reveal whether or not

it is the remote that I was thinking of.

BUZZER Living room ornament! I am sorry!

Let's see who's taken a big slice of semoji pie.

Molly is up and running on three semojis.

Rhys has doubled his score with six semojis.

And still in the lead is Grace with 12 semojis. Congratulations.

Time to go upstairs. I hope your rooms are tidy.

Don't make me send the pest control man round.

I'm going to bring it home! I'm going to bring it home!

Yeah! Yeah!

I'm in Brokenwind and it's squeaky-bum time.

It's The Decider.

This game is called Say What You Seemojis.

Look at my semojis and simply tell me what they're meant to represent.

First person to buzz in and answer correctly wins two semojis.

Go get your buzzers.

GRACE CLANKS

MOLLY SHAKES

# I can play the guitar... #

Nice. First, say what you seemoji.

It's a song by Katie Perry. RHYS TWANGS

-Rhys.

-Roar.

Yes! That means two semojis for you. Great job.

Now, here's the next one. It's a way of describing...

RHYS TWANGS Oh, Rhys.

-Is it The Hungry Caterpillar?

-BUZZER

No. GRACE CLANGS

-Grace.

-Bookworm!

-Yas, Grace!

-Argh!

-So, next one.

It's a movie.

It features vehicles. It's a trilogy.

RHYS TWANGS Rhys.

-Cars 3.

-Yes! Yah, you got it. You got it.

Here comes the next one.

It's a saying you use when you just can't think of...

MOLLY SHAKES Molly.

Turn that frown upside down.

No, it's not that. GRACE CLANGS

-Grace.

-On the tip of your tongue.

Yes! CLAPS

BUZZER Now, time is up.

Get your teams back in the room.

Mum, Millie, Christopher!

# Come in, come in... #

I can reveal...

Today's Remotely Funny winner...

..is...

Grace! THEY CHEER

Grace, I will be sending you a highly prized Remotely Funny hoodie.

Molly and Rhys, you don't go home empty-handed.

We will be sending you a money-can't-buy Remotely Funny cap.

From our sponsor, of course. Catch!

Oh!

THEY LAUGH Oh, wow! How did that happen?

Today's show was sponsored by ruskeakastike,

a gravy substitute for real gravy.

Big thank you, Grace, Molly, and Rhys and your teams

for letting us run wild in your abodes. You've been immense.

It's been remote and we've all been pretty funny.

Molly, over to you.

Cue the music!

# Na-na-na-na-na-na-na na na-na

# Na-na-na-na-na-na-na na na-na

# Na-na-na-na-na-na-na na na-na

# Na-na-na-na-na-na-na na na-na

# O-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh yeah

# Na-na-na-na-na-na-na na na-na Woo-woo... #

Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. Thank you so much!

-You've all been amazing.

-Thanks.

THEY CHEER Bye-bye.

# O-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh yeah! #