Brokenwind Remotely Funny


Brokenwind

Game show. Saara is in Brokenwind, where she connects three contestants from all over the UK via remote Wi-Fi for games and mayhem.


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Transcript


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..98, 99, 100.

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Oh, hi!

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This is what's on today's Remotely Funny.

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-Ow!

-Spam, spam, spam, spam.

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Boo!

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What do you mean it looks fake?

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Welcome to Remotely Funny.

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Ohhhh, yeah!

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LIVELY MUSIC PLAYS

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Yeah!

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Hey, everyone, I'm Saara and this is Remotely Funny.

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The game show that gives me the keys to your front door,

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allows me to raid your fridge and peek in your wardrobe.

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After travelling the world as part of a team of scientists,

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collecting rare and unusual semojis, I've decided that the UK is the

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place for me and today I am coming to you from Brokenwind in Scotland.

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You people live in the funniest places, I swear.

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Listen to these names. I love being out in the open air.

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BREAKING WIND

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SHE INHALES

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It's just so fresh.

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Anyway, if I am in Brokenwind, where are my Remotely Funny players?

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Let's have a look. Up first is Grace. Hello, Grace's team.

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Hello!

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Hi, I'm Grace from the West Midlands and this is my team. This is my mum.

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She learned to horse ride and water-ski at the age of 40.

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This is my best friend Hayley.

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She loves rollercoasters.

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And this is Hayley's mum.

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She is Canadian and has come up face-to-face with a live moose.

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ALL: Top banana!

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Great. I'm really loving the banana theme.

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Let's see who you are up against.

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It's Molly.

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CHEERING

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Hi, I'm Molly from Middlesbrough and this is my mum

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and she makes the best cup of tea.

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-This is my brother and he is my best friend.

-Aw!

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This is my sister and she is the ginger.

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I'm Ginger, I'm proud. This is my home crowd.

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We work, we play, together we are known as Molly's puppets!

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Wah, wah.

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-Uh, Grace's team, say hello to Molly's Mob. ALL:

-Hi, Molly's Mob!

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-Tada!

-And finally,

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-it's CBBC's Rhys Stephenson.

-Hey!

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Hi!

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Hi, I'm Rhys from East London and this is my team. Wooo!

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We've got my sister, Zani, who is a cheerleader and loves to travel.

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She's very scared of pigeons. Can't stand them.

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We've got my cousin over here who loves to dance.

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Can't stand watching sad films, just makes her cry too much.

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We've got my aunt Jo who makes the most amazing cake and loves

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singing Gospel songs.

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Let's begin! We're going to win.

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We're the best. We'll put you to the test!

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Go, team!

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Wow! Sounds like a sports team, I like that.

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Let me tell you what one of you will be winning today.

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It's the Remotely Funny hoodie.

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This is everything you want from a high-end fashion item -

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overpriced, hard to get.

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Strut with confidence by winning this head-turning hoodie today.

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OK, teams, it's time to leave your worries

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and fears at the front door.

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To the kitchen!

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Going to the kitchen!

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Going to the kitchen!

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RANDOM SINGING

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Today's show is sponsored by ruskeakastike -

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a gravy substitute for real gravy.

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It's time for Kitchen LOLympics.

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And the sport of choice today is... Let's Bounce.

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Come on!

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Three semojis to the team who can get the most ping-pong balls

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in the basket.

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The balls must bounce at least once on the surface in front

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of you before landing in the basket.

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There is also sweet golden bonus ball moment.

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Get that golden nugget in the basket

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and you will win three extra semojis.

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So who are my basket heads today?

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Grace, you have chosen Hayley's mum to collect the balls.

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-Why is that?

-She has a very steady head.

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-Very round as well.

-It's very round.

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Rhys, what about your team?

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They didn't want to mess their hair up so

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-Aunt Jo was the likely candidate.

-Molly?

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We've always really wanted to shoot a ball into her head

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and now we have the opportunity to do it.

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That actually makes me really happy. That's a great answer.

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Let's bounce. Go!

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SHOUTING AND LAUGHING

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Go, go! Yay!

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SHOUTING

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-BANGING

-Ow!

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CHEERING

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Yay! Yay!

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Go, go, go, go!

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If this was an Olympic sport, you guys would be smashing it.

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There are still balls left.

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Seven, six, five,

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Four, three, two, one. Time is up.

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Stop throwing those balls.

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CHEERING

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Team captains, it is time to throw the golden ball.

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Molly.

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Aw!

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Rhys, no pressure.

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Ohhhhh!

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I'm sorry, Rhys. Grace.

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Throw your golden ball.

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CHEERING

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Wooooo!

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Let's see who's got the most balls.

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Nice. Well done.

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The winner is Grace with 14 balls.

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Also Grace's team is getting three extra semojis for the

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golden ball, so congratulations for that as well - great job. Molly.

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Come a little closer, will you?

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It's time for our first bonus game of Guess What I'm Thinking.

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All you've got to do is find the item in the kitchen that I'm

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thinking of.

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OK?

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Think, think, think!

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I'm trying to send it to you.

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Do you think you have it?

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Go and get it.

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You have ten seconds to bring it back to me

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and we will see if you got it right.

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Come on, come on, use your head.

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Think!

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-A pan!

-What makes you think that?

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The kitchen is the main place you cook

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and you can't cook without a pan.

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OK. It is time to reveal what I was actually thinking about.

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So, no! The item I was thinking about was a wooden spoon.

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-Aw!

-Let's see what that has done to the scores.

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Molly and Rhys have yet to score.

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But taking an early lead is Grace,

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with six semojis.

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Nice. Nice.

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It is time for Toilet Takedown.

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FLUSHING

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I want you to move to the toilet in the style of a businessman

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late for an important meeting.

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Yes, sir, I will get this spreadsheet for you on Monday.

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-Yes, yes.

-This is a very important meeting.

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I'm late...

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Molly, does that say "toilet" behind you?

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-Yes.

-Show him it.

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Just in case someone gets confused.

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Which one is the toilet? Ah! It's the one with the sign.

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I thought it was the sink.

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-I like that.

-I'm going to ask you all a question.

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You will have ten seconds to answer the question.

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You need to write down the answer on the loo roll.

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Collector Charlotte Lee has the largest collection of rubber

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duckies in the world - how many different rubber ducks

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does she have?

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OK, time is ticking.

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How many rubber duck does she have?

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HOOTER

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Now, pens down.

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What did you write?

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I've gone for a clean 40,000.

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25,000.

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The correct answer is...

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..5,631 different rubber ducks.

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No!

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Three semojis for Grace!

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-Grace, congratulations.

-Yay!

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It's time for the race to end all races. It's Wind Up Warriors.

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Christmas has come early for these three festive foes.

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These ultimate rivals have been asking for a rematch

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since Boxing Day.

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It's Santa, Pete the Penguin

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and Mr Snowman going head-to-head in ice-cold competition.

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But who will bag the present of their lives

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and who will be leaving with the loser's lump of coal?

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This is...

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Santa, Snowman or the Penguin?

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-I'll have the Penguin.

-Why are you going with Penguin?

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-He makes nice noises.

-Molly?

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-Erm, the Snowman.

-Why would you pick the Snowman?

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Because I like snowmen but I can never make one

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so I like to look at them.

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Rhys, that means that you get Santa.

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To deliver that many toys in one night,

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he's got to be pretty quick.

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Are you ready for the race of your life?

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-Yes.

-Yeah.

-Yes.

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Call your team to the bathroom.

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-OK, Zani, get in. OK.

-Let's see who will wind up the winner.

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Get ready.

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Three, two, one. Go!

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Come on, come on, cheer on!

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CHEERING

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KLAXON

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CHEERING

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Let's watch that again.

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Congratulations, Rhys. Three semojis for you for that.

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Yes!

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Now, it's time for another bonus semoji.

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Rhys, it's time for your bonus game of Guess What I'm Thinking.

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Molly, any advice for Rhys on how to read my mind?

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Think of everything.

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-Rhys, come closer and look me in the eye.

-Yeah.

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Put your finger on your temple,

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I am trying to send you something here so...

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Trying to make it as easy as possible.

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-Do you know what I am thinking?

-I think so.

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If you've got it, go get it.

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You have 10 seconds to bring it back - go, go, go, go, go!

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Gooooooo!

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Three, two, one. Zero!

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OK, time is up, what did you bring me?

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I brought you shower gel.

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It's time to see what I was actually thinking of.

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BUZZER

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-I said toothbrush!

-THEY GROAN

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I said toothbrush! I said this!

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-THEY LAUGH

-Urgh!

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I know your pain, Rhys. I know your pain.

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It's time to check in with the semojis scoreboard.

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Molly is saving her best performance for the next round.

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Rhys is off the mark with three.

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-Yes! Yes!

-THEY CHEER

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And Grace is streaking ahead with nine semojis.

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THEY CHEER

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To the lounge! It's time for Remotely Funny Families.

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Today is the hugely embarrassing Your Singing's Pants.

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One of the oldies on your team will have to listen to a track

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and sing it back to you.

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Semoji for correctly guessing the song title.

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But it's not as easy as that, guys.

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We want them to sing using only one word.

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-Grace, who's playing for you today and why?

-My mum.

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Because she knows most songs. I think she'll be pretty good at it.

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OK, can you do this? # La, la, la, la, la, la, la, laa! #

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-Oh! Oh!

-Wow! Oh, yeah!

-# La, la, la, la, la, laa! #

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SMASHING GLASS

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I would give you an extra semoji but it's not in the script, so I can't.

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Molly, who's going into battle for you?

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My mum, because she knows a lot of tracks

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and I've heard her singing from the back of the cab car

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and she's very, very good.

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Only from the back of a cab car, but never otherwise in public.

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-LAUGHS

-No.

-No!

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Rhys, I think you should play this game.

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Everyone wants to see a celebrity look ridiculous.

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HE LAUGHS

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Do you have any previous singing experience?

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I mean, I did loads of musical theatre shows in school and stuff.

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I hear you do a great pigeon impression.

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HE COOS Oh, my goodness!

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Wow! That's amazing!

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Wow, you even move your head in the right manner.

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That's amazing. Wow. Grace's mum, you're going up first.

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I'm going to play you a track

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through your Remotely Funny headphones.

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And your word is the reason this game got its name - pants.

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Put the earphones on and have a listen to this.

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KLAXON

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# Pants, pants, pants, pants

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# Pa-pa-pa pants, pants, pants, pants

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# Pants, pants, pants, pants

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# Pa-pa-pa pants, pants, pants, pants... #

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-I know, I know, I know!

-I know what it is!

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Mom, that was beautiful. I was really impressed.

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Grace. What's the song title?

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Is it Lush Life by Zara Larsson?

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Yes! THEY CHEER

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Three semojis to you for guessing the song correctly. Nice.

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Great work. THEY CHEER

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Now, so, here's how it should have sounded.

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# It was a crush

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# But I couldn't, couldn't get enough

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# It was a rush But I gave it up... #

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-ALL:

-# Pants, pants, pants, pants... #

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That was beautiful. THEY CLAP

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Molly, it's your mom's turn. You're up next.

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And your word is bum. KLAXON

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# Bum, bum, bum, bu-bum, bu-bum

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# Bu-bum, bu-bum, bu-bum, bu-bum

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# Bum

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# Bum, bum, bum, bum... #

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I know it! I know it! I know it! I know!

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# Bum-bum, bum-bum, bum-bum, bu-u-um... #

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Wow. Molly, what's the name of the song?

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# Hello from the other si-i-ide!#

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You get three semojis. THEY CHEER

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-Finally!

-How do you feel about your mum saying "bum" so much?

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Well, at first I was a little bit shocked, but then...

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It's a bit weird but I kind of got into it

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once I knew what the song was.

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-And now here's how Adele wanted it to really sound.

-Yey!

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-# Hello ALL:

-# Bum

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-# It's me ALL:

-# Bum bum

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# I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet...#

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Now, Rhys, you've put your shades on and everything! Wow!

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He just... His confidence is through the roof!

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Your word is burp. KLAXON

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# Burp, burp, burp, burp, burp

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# Burp, burp, burp, burp, burp... #

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Just hold on! Yes! That's it!

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# Burp, burp, bur-burp, bur-burp

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# Burp, burp, burp, burp

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# Burp, burp, burp, burp, burp

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# Burp, burp, burp, burp, burp... #

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Great. Great job, Rhys. What was he singing?

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-Is it Just Hold On?

-Yeah! Three semojis!

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THEY CHEER Three semojis!

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-Yes! Yes!

-Boom!

-Boom!

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And here's how it actually sounds.

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# Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh,

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# If it all goes wrong

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-ALL:

-# Burp, burp, burp, burp

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# Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh

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-# Darling, just hold on ALL:

-# Burp, burp, burp, burp... #

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Please! Enough already. Your singing really is pants.

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Grace. It's time for our final bonus game of Guess What I'm Thinking.

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-Are you ready for this?

-Yeah.

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-You got it?

-Hmm. Yeah.

-Go get it.

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You have ten seconds to bring back the thing I'm thinking of.

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Come on, come on, come on, come on! You got it?

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Why did you think I was thinking about a remote?

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Everybody's got a remote control in their house.

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Well, it's time to reveal whether or not

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it is the remote that I was thinking of.

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BUZZER Living room ornament! I am sorry!

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Let's see who's taken a big slice of semoji pie.

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Molly is up and running on three semojis.

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Rhys has doubled his score with six semojis.

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And still in the lead is Grace with 12 semojis. Congratulations.

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Time to go upstairs. I hope your rooms are tidy.

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Don't make me send the pest control man round.

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I'm going to bring it home! I'm going to bring it home!

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Yeah! Yeah!

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I'm in Brokenwind and it's squeaky-bum time.

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It's The Decider.

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This game is called Say What You Seemojis.

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Look at my semojis and simply tell me what they're meant to represent.

0:18:550:18:58

First person to buzz in and answer correctly wins two semojis.

0:18:580:19:02

Go get your buzzers.

0:19:020:19:04

GRACE CLANKS

0:19:040:19:06

MOLLY SHAKES

0:19:060:19:08

# I can play the guitar... #

0:19:080:19:11

Nice. First, say what you seemoji.

0:19:110:19:14

It's a song by Katie Perry. RHYS TWANGS

0:19:160:19:19

-Rhys.

-Roar.

0:19:190:19:20

Yes! That means two semojis for you. Great job.

0:19:200:19:24

Now, here's the next one. It's a way of describing...

0:19:240:19:27

RHYS TWANGS Oh, Rhys.

0:19:270:19:29

-Is it The Hungry Caterpillar?

-BUZZER

0:19:290:19:32

No. GRACE CLANGS

0:19:320:19:34

-Grace.

-Bookworm!

0:19:340:19:36

-Yas, Grace!

-Argh!

-So, next one.

0:19:360:19:39

It's a movie.

0:19:390:19:41

It features vehicles. It's a trilogy.

0:19:410:19:43

RHYS TWANGS Rhys.

0:19:430:19:45

-Cars 3.

-Yes! Yah, you got it. You got it.

0:19:450:19:48

Here comes the next one.

0:19:480:19:50

It's a saying you use when you just can't think of...

0:19:500:19:52

MOLLY SHAKES Molly.

0:19:520:19:54

Turn that frown upside down.

0:19:540:19:56

No, it's not that. GRACE CLANGS

0:19:560:19:59

-Grace.

-On the tip of your tongue.

0:19:590:20:01

Yes! CLAPS

0:20:010:20:03

BUZZER Now, time is up.

0:20:030:20:05

Get your teams back in the room.

0:20:050:20:07

Mum, Millie, Christopher!

0:20:070:20:10

# Come in, come in... #

0:20:100:20:12

I can reveal...

0:20:120:20:15

Today's Remotely Funny winner...

0:20:160:20:19

..is...

0:20:200:20:22

Grace! THEY CHEER

0:20:290:20:32

Grace, I will be sending you a highly prized Remotely Funny hoodie.

0:20:410:20:46

Molly and Rhys, you don't go home empty-handed.

0:20:460:20:50

We will be sending you a money-can't-buy Remotely Funny cap.

0:20:500:20:53

From our sponsor, of course. Catch!

0:20:530:20:56

Oh!

0:20:560:20:59

THEY LAUGH Oh, wow! How did that happen?

0:20:590:21:02

Today's show was sponsored by ruskeakastike,

0:21:020:21:05

a gravy substitute for real gravy.

0:21:050:21:08

Big thank you, Grace, Molly, and Rhys and your teams

0:21:080:21:10

for letting us run wild in your abodes. You've been immense.

0:21:100:21:14

It's been remote and we've all been pretty funny.

0:21:140:21:17

Molly, over to you.

0:21:170:21:19

Cue the music!

0:21:190:21:20

# Na-na-na-na-na-na-na na na-na

0:21:200:21:23

# Na-na-na-na-na-na-na na na-na

0:21:230:21:26

# Na-na-na-na-na-na-na na na-na

0:21:260:21:30

# Na-na-na-na-na-na-na na na-na

0:21:300:21:33

# O-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh yeah

0:21:330:21:36

# Na-na-na-na-na-na-na na na-na Woo-woo... #

0:21:360:21:39

Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. Thank you so much!

0:21:390:21:43

-You've all been amazing.

-Thanks.

0:21:430:21:45

THEY CHEER Bye-bye.

0:21:450:21:49

# O-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh yeah! #

0:21:500:21:53

Saara is connecting from Brokenwind to Molly from Middlesbrough and Grace from the West Midlands. She's joined by a surprise celebrity guest who'll be hoping he doesn't 'whoops' or ...'miss the bus'! Expect ping-pong related chaos in the kitchen, singing that really is pants in the living room and a wind-up battle to end all battles in the bathroom. Can anyone beat a CBBC celeb to get their hands on TV's ultimate prize - the Remotely Funny hoodie?


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