Ramsbottom Remotely Funny


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Ramsbottom

Game show. Saara sets challenges from a virtual hub in Ramsbottom, Greater Manchester. Games include Your Singing's Pants, plus a pesky Pause Button bonus challenge.


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Transcript


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This is Something O'clock News with Saara.

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Headlines tonight - man gets trapped in his own underpants,

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dog learns to speak German,

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and here's what's happening on Remotely Funny.

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# La-la-la-la-la

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# La-la-la-lol! #

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THEY SCREAM

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THEY CHEER

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Welcome to Remotely Funny.

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# Ooh, yeah!

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# Ooh, yeah! #

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Hey, everyone! I'm Saara.

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This is Remotely Funny -

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the game show that says it's taking part that counts, not winning. Sure!

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After fulfilling my ambition of travelling the world as part

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of a circus, I've decided that the UK is the place for me.

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And today, I'm coming to you from Ramsbottom in Greater Manchester.

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Bottom! A ram's bottom? Like the bottom of a male sheep?

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SHEEP BAAS

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Baffled now!

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Anyway, if I'm in Ramsbottom, where are my Remotely Funny players?

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-Up first is Ariana! Hello, Ariana!

-Hello!

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Hi, my name's Ariana, and I'm from Wiltshire.

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And the funny thing about me is I do gymnastics everywhere.

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And my best friend, Emily - she helps me in arts and crafts,

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and she dances with me.

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And my mum - she cooks me

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the best food in the world, and she cares for me.

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And my dad - he is a great artist, and he snores when he's sleeping.

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I'm loving the Hawaiian theme.

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Woohoo!

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-Nice! Ooh! I like the vibe! Do your parents always dress this way?

-Yes.

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Nice! I like that!

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Do you have a powerful slogan to back up your flower power?

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We are, we are Team Number One!

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And what we do is we like to have fun!

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Whoo! Nice!

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Welcome, Ariana! Let's see who you're up against. It's Scarlett!

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Hello, Scarlett!

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Whoo!

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Hi, my name is Scarlett, I'm from Edinburgh,

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and I love dancing and walking in the forest.

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This is my friend, Ava.

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She is mad about dogs and is very good at gymnastics and trampolining.

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This is Ava's mum, Kristin.

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She's very sporty and is a very healthy eater.

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This is my mum.

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She is very embarrassing and is quite a good singer.

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# Laaaa! #

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You're friends, and your mums are friends?

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It's a beautiful team dynamic! Who's the most competitive and why?

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Probably Ava because she does trampolining and gymnastics

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-and has won medals.

-Ooh! OK, competitive, then!

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Scarlett's team, say hello to Ariana's posse!

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-Hi, Ariana!

-Hi, Scarlett!

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Let's meet our final contender. It's Emma!

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-Everyone say hello to Emma's team.

-Hello!

-Hi!

-Hi, Emma!

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Hi, I'm Emma.

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I'm the team captain from Hertfordshire,

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and I'm eight years old. This is my mum. She's the clever one.

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This is my dad. He's the sporty one.

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And this is my friend, Emily, from swimming.

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She does the best dives ever. We're Team Emma, and we're going to win!

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Yay!

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Emma, tell me a little bit more about your mum

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and dad's love for karaoke.

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My mum and dad, whenever we have these barbecues and parties,

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they just bust out the really bad moves and embarrass me.

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No, that's not cool! Well, you never know - it might help you today.

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OK, you all look ready and raring to go.

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But first, let me tell you what one of you will be winning today.

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It's the Remotely Funny hoodie!

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This prize is everything you've ever dreamed of - except that

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dream about the unicorn drinking chocolate milk from your fridge.

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Impress people you don't even know by winning this hoodie.

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Today, I've got a once-in-a-lifetime chance for you to win bonus samojis.

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When I press pause on my TV remote, you all need to freeze.

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Freeze, like you've just seen a rat run out of your mum's slipper!

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SCREAM

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OK, so, let's practise. Everyone dance! Boo-boo-doo boo-boo!

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Boo-boo-boo! Keep dancing until I press pause.

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Pause!

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Hold it. Hold it.

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And play!

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Yes!

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Wonderful!

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Now, there will be one samoji up for grabs for a Pause moment,

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so keep an eye out for my pesky remote.

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To the kitchen!

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And I want you to do an impression of your mum or dad as you go.

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-Don't hold back!

-Cameron! Emma! Dinner's ready!

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-Emma, can you go and get Cameron from upstairs?

-Ooh!

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Why did you wake me up at seven o'clock in the morning?

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Do that! Bring that! Do this!

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Today's show is sponsored by Ruskeakastike -

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the easy, squeezy, queasy gravy.

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It's time for Kitchen Lolympics!

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Welcome to Kitchen Lolympics! And today's event is Stacking, families.

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The aim of the game is to stack as many custard creams

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as you can on a chopping board,

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but there's a twist - someone will be balancing it on their head.

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So, team captains, which grown-up are you going to pick?

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-Let's start with Ariana.

-My dad because his head is strong.

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OK, nice. And what about you, Scarlett?

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-I'm picking my mum because her head is big and square.

-Big and square!

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That's not nice! Now, Emma?

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I'm choosing my dad's because he has no hair.

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That might help, actually, cos, you know, it'll stick onto his head.

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Nice! All right. Get your chopping boards in place.

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Getting in position here.

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Nice.

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Ariana's dad, don't look so BOARD.

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Ha, ha!

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I'm sorry.

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You've got 60 seconds to stack as many custard creams as you can.

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The team with the most stacked in one tower

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at the end of the time wins -

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and keep an eye out for my cheeky TV remote.

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You never know when I want to savour a moment.

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Time starts now! Go, go, go!

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Stack those custard creams like you've never stacked them before!

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Yes, Emma.

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Wow, Emma's team is going hard. Look at that tower!

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Whoo!

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Aah!

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Oh, Ariana lost the tower.

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OK, Ariana, get that tower rebuilt.

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They're already falling.

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Pause!

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Aah!

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Hold it.

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-Scarlett, have you noticed there's a pause button?

-Oh...

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And...play!

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I'll pass you them.

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Come on, come on, come on!

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No, no, no!

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Time's up, everyone.

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Oh...!

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Whoa! Timber!

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OK, so, Ariana's team seems to be the only one

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with stacked custard creams -

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and for that, you will get three samojis!

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-ALL:

-Yeah!

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Scarlett, you did not see my pause moment when I did it. What happened?

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We were just too busy stacking.

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You were concentrating - but it did lose you a bonus samoji for pausing.

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Ariana, your team got a bonus samoji for pausing.

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-Whoo!

-Really good job. Really good work.

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Emma, you're also brilliant at pausing,

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so you got a bonus samoji, too. Congratulations.

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-Yay!

-Whoo!

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Yay, well done!

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Let's see what that's done to the scores.

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-Scarlett has yet to score.

-Oh, it's OK. It's OK.

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Emma has one.

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-Yay!

-Whoo!

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Ariana takes the early lead with four samojis.

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Yay!

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Onwards to the latrina - which is Latin for bathroom.

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Leave your families behind -

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this game is only for you, my team captains.

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Move to the bathroom in the style of an elephant.

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ELEPHANT TRUMPETS

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ALL TRUMPET

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It's time for Toilet Takedown.

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TOILET FLUSHES

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Remember to put the seat down -

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we don't want to LOOS anyone down the pan.

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Ha, ha!

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I'm going to ask you a question,

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and I want you to write your answers on the closest thing to paper -

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which, in the bathroom, is the loo roll.

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You have 10 seconds to answer the question.

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Grab your toilet rolls.

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Here it is.

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The toilet is sometimes referred to as the john -

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but how many people are called John Smith in the UK?

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Write down your answers, and don't show me yet.

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John Smith. Very generic, yet beautiful name.

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AWOOGA! Time's up!

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Pens down. Scarlett, what do you have?

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68.

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Emma, what do you have?

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65.

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OK, what about you, Ariana?

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100.

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The correct answer is...

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..4,700 - so that means, Ariana, you get the samoji!

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-Whoo!

-Yes.

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Three samojis for Ariana.

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It's time for the race to end all races - it's Wind-up Warriors.

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It's the Granny Grand Prix!

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Age is just a number

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when these rival racers take to the starting blocks -

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but who will be first in line at the bus stop,

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and who will be left sucking on a boiled sweet?

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Is it A, B or C?

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Respect your elders in the Granny Grand Prix.

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Ariana, you're our leader, so you get to pick your toy first.

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Which toy did you go with, and why?

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B, because it looks very fast.

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OK, sweet. Emma, you're in second place.

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Who have you gone for, and why?

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C, because...

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C's my lucky...

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..letter.

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I didn't know lucky letters was a thing! But I like that.

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So, Scarlett, you got the letter A. How does that make you feel?

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-I don't really mind.

-Wonderful.

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Now, call your teams into the room.

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Mummy, Daddy!

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Come on! Come in.

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I want to hear you all cheering your toys on.

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C, C, C, C!

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Let's see who'll wind up the winner.

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Get ready!

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Three, two, one, go!

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AWOOGA!

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Let's get an action replay.

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AWOOGA!

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Granny B wins!

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THEY CHEER

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Congratulations, Ariana.

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Three samojis for you.

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Who's flush with samojis?

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Scarlett is yet to score...

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..Emma still has one samoji...

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Yay!

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..and Ariana is striding ahead with 10 samojis!

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-ALL:

-Yeah!

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OK, players, to the living room,

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where many a sleepover party has taken place.

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Ariana, what's the best thing about sleepovers?

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Um, when you get to spy on the adults, and a feast.

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Nice. What about you, Scarlett? What do you like about sleepovers?

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I love sleepovers because then you can have loads of junk food

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-and midnight feasts.

-Mm!

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Emma, what do you like about sleepovers?

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-I like sleepovers because I can stay up later.

-Yes.

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Let's play Remotely Funny Families.

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Today's game has been designed for maximum embarrassment

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through minimal talent.

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It's called Your Singing's Pants,

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and your parents have a starring role.

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All they need to do is listen to a track

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and sing it back to their team.

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Three samojis for correctly guessing the song title -

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but it's not that easy.

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We want them to sing the song using only one word.

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Emma, who's playing for you, and why?

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My mum, because she knows most songs,

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and she is best at singing, and she's got the best rhythm.

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-OK!

-Nice. Well, that makes sense, then.

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No pressure! No pressure.

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What does she sound like when she sings? Can I get a sample?

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# Noooo! #

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Ariana, who's going to embarrass... I mean, win it for you?

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Er, my mum, because she always likes to listen to music

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and dances with it.

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OK. Dancing might come in handy, as well.

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Scarlett, who's playing for you?

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It's my mum, because she's good at singing

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and is good at remembering lyrics.

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Nice. Well, I'm going to play a track

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through the Remotely Funny headphones.

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Emma's mum, you're first - and this is why the game got its name,

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because your word is "pants".

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Put the earphones on and have a listen to this.

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# Pants, pants, pants, pants

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# Pants, pantsing

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# Pants

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# Pants, pants

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# Pants, pants, pants

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# Pants, pants, pantsing, pant-pants

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# Pants, pants, pants, pants, pants

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# Pants-pants, pants... #

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RECORD SCRATCHES Emma, what's your answer?

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Dancing Through The Night? It's just a guess.

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Let's find out.

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# Oh, I've been shaking

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# I love it when you go crazy

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# You take all my inhibitions

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# Baby, there's nothing holding me back

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# You take me places that tear up my reputation

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# Manipulate my decisions

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# Baby, there's nothing holding me back... #

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It was actually Shawn Mendes' There's Nothing Holdin' Me Back.

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-Emma, your mum really was pants. How do you feel?

-Embarrassed.

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Unfortunately, no samojis for you.

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Ariana, your mum is up next, and your word is "cheese".

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Put your headphones in and have a listen to this.

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# Cheese

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# Cheese

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# Cheese

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# Cheese, cheese

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# Cheese

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# Cheese

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# Cheese

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# Cheese

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# Cheese. #

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Nice! Ariana, do you have an answer?

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What do you think that song was?

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Er.. Worth It...by Fifth Harmony?

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-It's a good guess.

-Yes.

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It was pretty cheesy. How do you feel, Ariana?

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Bad.

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Well, let's have a listen at what it actually was.

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# Give me your love, I need it

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# Give me your love, I'm bleeding

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# Give me your love, I need it

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# Oh, yeah

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# Why don't you give me your love? #

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Nice! Emma's applying, nice.

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# Give me your love... #

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Nice. Well, the correct answer was

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Sigala, featuring John Newman, Give Me Your Love.

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Oh, embarrassing!

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No, no, no.

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I mean, yes, it is.

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Ariana, sorry, no samoji for you.

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And last but hopefully not least, it is Scarlett's team's turn.

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Stand by with ear defenders, your word is "lol".

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Have a listen to this.

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# La-la-la-la, lol-lol-lol-lol

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# La-la-lol-la

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# Lol

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# Lol-lol-lol-lol

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# Lol-lol-lol

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# Lol-lol-lol-lol-lol

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# Lol-lol-lol-lol

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# Lol-lol-lol. #

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Scarlett, you seem totally unbothered and unembarrassed,

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-is this a common occurrence in your household?

-No.

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Well, Scarlett, do you have an answer for me?

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What song do you think that was?

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-Together.

-Hair by Little Mix?

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Yes! Yes, yes, yes!

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Correct answer. SCARLETT'S TEAM CHEER

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Let's have a listen.

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# Get if off my shoulder, I've had enough

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# Can't take it no longer

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# I'm over him, I swear

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# I'm like yeah

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# Gotta get him out my hair Gotta get him out my hair

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# Gotta get him out my hair

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-# Gotta get him... #

-Pause!

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-And play.

-# And I knew it

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# Got me going mad sitting in this chair

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# Like I don't care

0:16:590:17:02

# Gotta get him out my hair... #

0:17:020:17:04

Bonus samoji for Emma's team.

0:17:040:17:06

# I tried everything but it's useless

0:17:060:17:07

# He pushed me so far now I'm on the edge... #

0:17:070:17:09

Well...

0:17:090:17:11

Nice. Three samojis for you.

0:17:110:17:13

THEY CHEER

0:17:130:17:14

Oh, man, your singing really is pants, cheese and lol.

0:17:140:17:18

Ha!

0:17:180:17:20

Let's see who's taken a big slice of samoji pie.

0:17:200:17:23

Emma has two. THEY CHEER

0:17:230:17:26

Scarlett now has three. THEY CHEER

0:17:270:17:32

And Ariana stays on 10. THEY CHEER

0:17:320:17:35

It's time to go upstairs to your evil lair,

0:17:380:17:40

the place commonly known as your bedroom.

0:17:400:17:44

It's The Decider.

0:17:440:17:46

Scarlett! Scarlett!

0:17:460:17:48

Woo-woo-woo!

0:17:490:17:52

This game is called

0:17:560:17:57

Say What You See Mojis.

0:17:570:17:58

Look at my samojis

0:17:580:18:00

and tell me what they're meant to represent.

0:18:000:18:01

First person to buzz in and answer correctly

0:18:010:18:03

wins two samojis.

0:18:030:18:05

Now, go get your buzzers.

0:18:050:18:06

Ariana, what's your buzzer and what kind of sound does it make?

0:18:130:18:16

It's a rattle thing.

0:18:160:18:18

RATTLING

0:18:180:18:19

Nice.

0:18:190:18:21

Scarlett, what buzzer have you got and why did you choose it?

0:18:210:18:24

I have cones and they're filled with little toys.

0:18:240:18:28

And they make this sound.

0:18:280:18:30

RATTLING

0:18:300:18:32

And, Emma, what's your buzzer and what kind of sound does yours make?

0:18:320:18:35

I have a guitar top and it makes a noise like this.

0:18:350:18:39

GUITAR CHORD PLAYS Nice.

0:18:390:18:41

60 seconds on the clock.

0:18:410:18:43

Everyone, deep breath.

0:18:430:18:44

Start the clock.

0:18:470:18:48

First one, it's an animated movie set on an island.

0:18:480:18:52

RATTLING

0:18:520:18:54

Ariana.

0:18:540:18:55

Moana.

0:18:550:18:56

Correct. Here comes the next one.

0:18:560:18:58

You take your dirty vehicles here to get clean.

0:18:580:19:01

RATTLING AND GUITAR CHORD PLAYS Scarlett.

0:19:010:19:03

Car wash.

0:19:030:19:04

Yes! Next one.

0:19:040:19:06

It's a song by ex-One Direction singer Zayn Malik.

0:19:060:19:09

GUITAR CHORD PLAYS Emma.

0:19:090:19:11

-Noise.

-BUZZER

0:19:110:19:13

Anyone else? Arianna, Scarlett, do you know what song this is?

0:19:130:19:16

-No.

-Ariana?

0:19:160:19:18

-Erm... No.

-BUZZER

0:19:180:19:20

It was Zayn Malik's Pillowtalk. Here comes the next one.

0:19:200:19:22

It's a saying when you give away a secret.

0:19:220:19:24

No-one?

0:19:300:19:31

Nope. BUZZER

0:19:310:19:32

It was let the cat out of the bag. Next one.

0:19:320:19:34

OK, it's a TV show where people invest in your ideas.

0:19:340:19:37

RATTLING Scarlett.

0:19:380:19:40

Dragons' Den.

0:19:400:19:42

Correct! That's all.

0:19:420:19:44

Well done, everyone. Time is up. Time is up.

0:19:440:19:48

That's it. Get your teams back in the room.

0:19:480:19:51

It's time to reveal the winner.

0:19:510:19:53

Mummy, Daddy, Emily!

0:19:530:19:55

-Hi.

-Hello.

0:19:550:19:58

Ready?

0:19:580:19:59

I can reveal...

0:19:590:20:01

# Da-la-da-da-da... #

0:20:010:20:04

..today's Remotely Funny winner is...

0:20:040:20:07

..Ariana! Congratulations. THEY CHEER

0:20:150:20:18

Congratulations.

0:20:220:20:24

Ariana, I will be sending you

0:20:240:20:26

a highly prized Remotely Funny hoodie.

0:20:260:20:28

Scarlett and Emma, you don't go home empty-handed.

0:20:300:20:33

We will be sending you a money can't buy Remotely Funny cap

0:20:330:20:38

from our sponsor, of course. Put them on.

0:20:380:20:40

Nice. Looking beautiful.

0:20:430:20:45

You love ruskeakastike, just like me.

0:20:450:20:48

Today's show was sponsored by ruskeakastike,

0:20:480:20:51

the easy, squeezy, queasy gravy.

0:20:510:20:53

TRAIN HOOTS Oh, my train is due.

0:20:530:20:56

Got to go. Big thanks to Ariana,

0:20:560:20:57

Scarlett and Emma

0:20:570:20:59

and your teams for letting us

0:20:590:21:00

run wild in your palatial homes.

0:21:000:21:02

You've been immense,

0:21:020:21:04

it's been remote and we've all been pretty funny.

0:21:040:21:06

Take it away, Scarlett.

0:21:060:21:08

Play the music.

0:21:080:21:10

# Na-na na-na na-na na-na na na

0:21:100:21:13

# Na-na na-na na-na na-na na na

0:21:130:21:16

# Na-na na-na na-na na-na na na

0:21:160:21:19

# Na-na na-na na-na na-na na na

0:21:190:21:23

# Oh...

0:21:230:21:26

# Yeah!

0:21:260:21:27

# Na-na na-na na-na na-na na na

0:21:270:21:28

# Woo-woo!

0:21:280:21:30

# Na-na na-na na-na na-na na na

0:21:300:21:31

# Woo-woo! Na-na na-na na-na na-na na na... #

0:21:310:21:34

-Bye, guys!

-Bye.

0:21:340:21:35

# Na-na na-na na-na na-na na na Woo-woo!

0:21:350:21:39

# Oh...

0:21:390:21:41

# Yeah! #

0:21:410:21:42

Saara continues to be baffled by place names, particularly when she finds herself in Ramsbottom, Greater Manchester. She connects remotely to three wannabe winners, Ariana from Wiltshire, Scarlett from Edinburgh and Emma from Hertfordshire. They turn their homes upside down in the pursuit of Remotely Funny fame but it won't be easy as their families take on the cringe-inducing Your Singing's Pants, biscuit towers are built on team members' heads and there's a pesky Pause Button bonus challenge.